Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Saw a link on Facebook to a Metallica song. It had been a long time since I heard it so I clicked on the link. It opened a door. A door to memories long hidden and put away, memories of a life long gone, a life left behind, a life I have no interest in living again, but I am living it in the memories. The sound of the bike, the feel of the wind, bars, fights, guns, knives, blood, drinking till I could not stand, trying to find a vein with a needle but they are all used up, fear, anger, hate, what I thought was love, prisons, so many prisons. How grateful I am to be alive. How grateful I am for God’s mercies. How grateful I am to be free. How grateful I am to be reborn, to leave the past behind but have it as a tool to help others find freedom, to be able to relate, to understand. Not much I haven’t seen or done but who I was is not who I am and I am grateful for that. Forgetting what lies behind I press on for the goal ahead, to the life God has in store, the eternal future. Thank you Lord.
It’s amazing what a song can do. There is great power in music. As I worked to recover after the coma, as I wandered lost with amnesia trying to remember who I was the occasional song I heard on TV, in a bar, or wherever I was, would sometimes flood my mind with memories. This is a valuable tool for those with Alzheimer’s to help them find themselves for a few moments. Just thought I’d post these ramblings as I prepare to write in the book that is long overdue, the book that will never reveal all of who I was but will give some tantalizing glimpses. The song Brothers in Arms by Dire Straits just came on my headphones. Memories of wars, of those who had your back in the midst of death, of a trust deeper than family. Gotta go.
I pray for God to use me, to use my life, my experience to bring life to others.