Prison

9/24/12 Monday

          I am back from prison. There was a time that the thought I would ever look forward to going to prison would have been perceived as craziness. As this Kairos came to a close and it was time for us to leave I found myself wanting to stay in prison. I would have gladly accepted a prison uniform and a cell to live in. Why? Why would I want to be locked up in that prison? Because of love. The Love of God that reaches out to all those lost and in need. During these last 4 days we have watched hearts break and lives change as the seeds of God’s word were planted, watered, nourished, and sprang up in new life. When a plant is new, just breaking the surface seeking light as it sends out roots for sustenance, it is at its most delicate and vulnerable stage. Without water at this critical time it can quickly die and I have learned on my farm that these young shoots are also a favorite delicacy to the wildlife and insects that would enjoy consuming them.

          I understand deeply the danger for plants at this stage and I understand also, from experience, that the same danger exists for those men whom we have had the privilege to touch. Jesus described this well in His parable of the Sower. Here is the explanation of the parable that he gave his disciples as found in Mark chapter 4.

 “The farmer sows the word. 15 Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. 16 Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18 Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. 20 Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop--thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown."

During the 4 days we got to know the men at our table and often those who sat at some of the other tables as God guided those who were best able to relate to or help specific situations. I watched as hard hearts softened and walls built through a lifetime of pain came tumbling down. There were “hardened criminals” who broke down crying in front of others, something that normally they would never allow because of the tough guy front that is presented to everyone.

Now that we are gone I know that the enemy will work hard to destroy all the good that was planted, and that is why I wanted to stay. We will be back in a week and I am anxious to see how these men are doing. For some, the ones who grew up in church and had fallen away, it won’t be as hard because they already have a foundation of understanding things of God. But for others, the new baby Christians, it will be much harder. Jesus described the event of becoming a Christian as being “born again”. This is a true way to label what happens when we bow before Almighty God and submit our life to Him. At that moment all the old things pass away because God forgives and chooses to forget every sin committed, and all things become new. At that moment we are like a little child that needs to learn the basics of life.

A baby needs to be cared for and protected, for it is in many ways helpless. So it is for a man who has lived the hard wild rebellious life that resulted in prison, but then decides to change his direction. However it can be much more difficult for while God has forgotten his sin, he doesn’t. A new born baby has no memory of things past and the whole world is genuinely new to it but for those who have already lived a life this is not so. For them they must relearn, or reprogram how to think and react. It is not an easy process and requires much help, guidance, support, and understanding.

There is a good community of Christians in the prison, who can help with this learning how to live for God process. But, just as it is in the free world, there will be problems and conflicts within that community. This is a sad reality that Jesus often spoke about during his time here on earth. We have seen and experienced it ourselves in many ways since I returned to God. People who call themselves Christian but despise, judge, or look down on their brothers and sisters in Christ. When you look down on another it shows that in your mind you think you are better than they are.

One time the disciples came to Jesus and asked “Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?”. I suspect that part of the reason they asked that had to do with their individual desire to be seen as better than others, to be exalted with high position. Jesus’ response was to call a “little” child and have it stand among them. This is found in Mathew 18.

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" 2 He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3 And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!

The reason I put the word little in italics is because in the original Greek the word is “Ta”. Translators often have a difficult time with just how to interpret a word and this is one of those instances. A “Ta” child, during this time period, was the word used to describe children who were mentally deficient or challenged. It was how a child gvc born with Down’s syndrome was described. These children, in the eyes of their society and through the teaching of the Pharisees and religious leaders, were less than human. They were considered a blight on society and not deserving the respect even given to a dog.

The Pharisees taught that these children were cursed of God and did not deserve any protection or consideration at all. They even said that it was impossible to insult them because they would not remember the insult 45 minutes later, so it was ok to treat them as awful as you wanted without any worries regarding how God would react. But Jesus, the son of God, the creator of life, and the one who will judge us all on that final day, had a different idea. If you have ever had the privilege of being around a child with Down’s syndrome you will have discovered a child without prejudice, a child that is often happy for no reason at all, totally unaware of how deficient they are.

These children were often used as slaves in the household. The job they were often relegated to was the one considered to be one of the least desirable and most demeaning of all, that of washing the feet as people entered a house. In Roman and pagan homes these children were often sex slaves, subjected to horrors we don’t want to even imagine. So in all the cultures of the time, these children were the least thought of. What was it Jesus said?

“unless you change and become like little (Ta) children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Think deeply about this my friends. These are the words of the Son of God, who will be your judge on that last day. He said that unless you become like that child you will NEVER enter the Kingdom of heaven. Understand that these children bore the insults, curses, and smacks upside the head of all around, yet remained, enduring much pain and suffering. Yet we find in church so many who are proud and defiant, confident of their spirituality and position with God as they despise in their heart those who are not as “spiritual” as they are.

I fear and pray for them every day. So many are blinded by their pride and a confidence that is false that they not only are unaware of their sin but when confronted with even a hint they are wrong react with indignation and anger. Just as the Pharisees plotted to kill Jesus these people, often leaders in the church, plot to kill those who dare to challenge their sin. Oh, they don’t plot to physically kill them but to kill their reputation, their ministry, or anything else that can be done to reduce their influence to reveal the truth.

 But it is not only those who challenge and threaten to expose the hypocrisy that receive the brunt of this disdain shown by those who are impressed with themselves but it is also all who don’t “measure up” to their standards or march along in step with them. Those in church who have weaknesses and visible faults are also targets of the spiritual elite. It is an unfortunate truth that those who find it important to be seen as spiritual leaders often find it beneficial to build themselves up by tearing down others. In the process of doing so they are unaware that instead of pleasing God they have actually become enemies of God and are doing the work of the devil as they proudly thump their chests and say “Look at me”.

So let us carefully consider the rest of what our Lord and judge said. "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!

Jesus said that if we welcome a “Ta” child in His name, we welcome Jesus. In Mathew 25, starting at verse 31, Jesus describes part of what will happen on Judgment Day. He said “I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was naked and you gave me clothes, I was in prison and you visited me”. Those He was telling this to said “When did we see you hungry and feed you?” and repeated all the points Jesus made with the question of “when?”. Jesus said that whenever they did it to the LEAST of His children they did it to Him. The same held true for those who were found to be unworthy of entering the Kingdom, only their judgment was that they did not feed the hungry, visit the prisoners, provide clothes, or do anything for the LEAST of God’s children.

Jesus said “But if ANYONE causes one of these “TA” children to sin, or in other translations to “stumble” it would be better if they had a millstone hung around their necks and drowned. Think about this. What does it mean to cause them to sin? To be angry with your brother can be sin, to hate is sin, to not forgive is sin, and we know that there is a long list that qualifies as sin. If we, through our actions, cause someone else to sin then we bear the blame for that. What often seems to be forgotten in church is that our job as Christians is to lift up and help our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our duty before God is to build, not to tear down. If someone is in sin we are supposed to go to them in private and try to gently lead them in the right direction. Jesus is pretty clear about that in many places. Always He promotes communication, going to them and talking, showing the truth in love. Always our goal should be that when they stand before the Living God on judgment day they would be found pleasing to the Lord.

In this picture you can see the wheat I planted and weeds that are growing in the midst of it. Thus it is in the church

But there is the cold hard reality that this often doesn’t happen. It is nothing new. Mankind has always had this sin nature that raises its ugly head at every opportunity. There has always been the competition of brother against brother and the first murder in the Bible was a religious murder. Cain was jealous and angry with his brother, Abel, because God accepted Abel’s offering but wasn’t happy with Cain’s. Jealousy is an evil that runs deep, and it’s root is pride, the source of all sin. And thus it is in the churches of today. There is this undercurrent of competition, this pride in ones level of spirituality and of course a big part of that has to do with making sure everyone else can see how good and religious you are. Those who are caught up in this trap are blind to just how evil this is in the eyes of God. Remember again, Jesus said "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

I have work to do so must finish this. Had started out just to write about what has been going on and as often happens it turned into a Bible lesson. Ezekiel was a mighty prophet of God and as such was able to record many of God’s words. Those words are powerful and apply to not only the day they were given but even now, thousands of years later. In Ezekiel chapter 34 there is a prophecy specifically regarding the shepherds, those who are responsible to care for God’s people, whom we call pastors these days, but also it addresses those within the church, the sheep in the congregation so to speak.

" 'As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats. 18 Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? 19 Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet? 20 " 'Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says to them: See, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. 21 Because you shove with flank and shoulder, butting all the weak sheep with your horns until you have driven them away, 22 I will save my flock, and they will no longer be plundered. I will judge between one sheep and another.

Why do I write these things? I am a watchman on the wall and write to give warning. I was raised from the dead and granted life again for this purpose, among others. God made it clear to me that if I do not blow the trumpet in warning then the blood of others will be on my head. It is never my desire to point fingers of blame but it is my desire for all to come to repentance and be washed clean of all their sin. There is no easy way to do this as no one likes having their faults exposed. In the parable of the wheat and tares Jesus made it clear that the wheat and tares are going to be growing up together in the church and the weeds (tares) would not be removed till the last day. There are reasons for this and one of them is to show who is true and who is not. I encourage all of you to be like a child, innocent of sin. I encourage you to work to build up those around you, to love them as much as you love yourself, or even more. And I remind all of you that there are no secrets with God. You may hide what you do and think from others but God knows your deepest thought. Purify your hearts, seek forgiveness and go to those who have hurt you, as well as those you have hurt and mend what has been broken. I love you and God loves you so much He sent His Son to die so that we can have life.

Pain is...

The sun just peaking over a layer of fog two days ago.

9/17/12 Monday

          The pain is…well back to normal. I was going to say gone but that wouldn’t be true. I can now do what I could do before whatever it was happened in my back. Pain is still a daily part of life but now it is manageable pain that I can push through and get things done. It slows me down and that remains a source of frustration as I look at all the things that need to be done. There are watermelons to harvest and I just spent 4 hours on the tractor mowing tumbleweeds along with the rye and wheat grain that I was never able to harvest. I didn’t mow all the wheat down as I am still hoping that Cherie’s sister will find time to mail me the scythe her son said I can have. But I am fast running out of time for that and the weeds growing in the midst of the wheat will make any effort to harvest a painstaking one.

          We were blessed with a decent amount of rain and that will be both a blessing and a curse as it will motivate the weeds to further their steady march at taking over. But I will be able to do some plowing as we prepare for spring planting already. Without moisture the soil is rock hard and a plow blade will just scrape along the top after it gets past the depth I was able to break up with a disc. I had to make three passes, lowering the plow blade a few inches each time to create a decent furrow and if I lowered it too far the wheels of the tractor would just spin, unable to pull the plow blade through the dirt.

          There is much mowing I need to do with the regular lawn mower but because I have been unable to get to it for the 3 or 4 weeks my back had me laid up the grass and weeds are over knee high. That will be a challenge to say the least. We still don’t have a truck that runs. Now that I can move again we will be able to work on that. I need to remove the radiator from the one truck and take it to Auto Zone. They will send it out and see if the radiator is bad  and the reason the transmission filled with water. If so then they will be responsible to fix it, though that might require some pushing. We will see.

          I had hoped to move the diesel truck to in front of the garage, where it would be closer to tools and electricity I need for the welder. Had set up railroad ties to drive the truck on, hoping I could get one more start out of that chewed up flywheel, but it was not to be. So I must jack the truck up where it is and carefully place railroad ties underneath each side and then run an extension cord to where it is. Then begins the long process of welding on each tooth of the flywheel and grinding it to shape by hand. I suspect the hardest part will be the fact that I must weld above me so all the sparks will fall on me as I go.

The third truck we have is the one the transmission finally gave out after I nursed it along on first and third gear for almost 2 years. There was a guy we know in Toledo who had promised to send me a transmission for it, because he rebuilds them for a living. But we have learned that promises are often empty words uttered to impress others. Oh well. Of course I am disappointed, especially after this individual talked about his conversion to Christianity, but such is the way of things. I will always hope for the best and give others a chance to shine for it is better to give them that hope.

It’s Tuesday now. I never finished yesterday’s post but that is not unusual for me. There are always distractions and things that must get done. It’s almost 4:00 PM now and I just came in from trying to pick watermelons. My back is better but certainly not up to speed. It is much harder not having a pickup to drive along and throw the melons in. Instead I must pull a wagon, that has a tire which goes flat in minutes, through the freshly disced sand. I picked maybe 8 melons before the pain got too high to handle. Then pulling the wagon back with 40 pounds of melons through the soft sand required some fortitude. Now I am lying in bed writing in this journal. I had planned on going to the jail but must put that off till tomorrow.

Speaking of jail, I put the word out that I needed some bibles and it now looks like I will have a few hundred. That is a good problem as we can go through twenty a week as people come and go. This way I am covered for quite a while.

I will be heading out to a 4 day Kairos event at the prison in Lamesa soon. After that there is another Kairos in Fort Stockton that I have the privilege of being a part of. I would certainly appreciate your prayers for these events. They are certainly spiritual battlegrounds where we fight for the souls of many who have participated in the dark side of life.

I am pretty tired right now. While I am asking for prayers please pray for the senior we care for who fell and broke her wrist. She seems to be pretty depressed and discouraged though I have only been able to talk to her once. Her arm is not just in a cast but they have all kinds of screws going into her bones to keep everything from moving as her bones knit back together. It is hard for an independent woman to face the possibility of losing some of that independence. I am concerned about some who might try to take advantage of her and her situation so pray about that too.

The other senior we help is doing much better now. She had been really sick with some kind of lung infection but we were able to visit the other day and I got to mow her lawn. It was really bad because I had been laid up for so long and unable to get to it. It’s sad to know that some unscrupulous salesman had taken advantage of her and sold her an annuity that was really bad. She put in $80,000 and now there is only $30,000 in value left and the promised guaranteed monthly payment isn’t what she was told it would be. From what I’ve heard this is not unusual and there is a lot of companies focusing their attention on senior citizens with these bad investments.

I’ll get this posted now for if I don’t I will be distracted and you may not hear from me again for another week or two. 

Here's our empty chair. Loved Clint's speech at the Republican convention and an empty chair is a good picture regarding the president we have. 

"IF" is a BiG word

8/31/12 Friday

          This pain is not abating any. What a rough night. I got very little sleep as pain kept me up and restless. The need to use the bathroom around midnight was unpleasant to say the least, as were the subsequent 2 other late night and early morning trips. With this intense pain comes a reduction in bladder control so I leaked all the way there. I don’t know if it is a pinched nerve or what but there is a specific position, as I bend slightly, that triggers a wave of pain coupled with muscles freezing up. When it happens I am stuck in that position till it goes away.

          I think I will have to go see the doctor at the VA. Had been putting this off thinking it would ease up and go away. I am aware that the odds are they will not have any quick answers or cures for this and I already am prescribed a powerful pain medication that, while it is a wonderful help for my regular pain, doesn’t do much for this new problem. It’s pretty rough when just putting your boots on, much less tying them, is such a challenge you consider going barefoot in this land of thorns and stickers.

I have a firm belief that God’s hand is in everything and that applies to this situation too. There is a theological debate regarding whether God would personally cause an illness or difficulty and I have a definite opinion regarding that. Whether God caused this pain is irrelevant for I know that He causes all things to work for the good of those He loves. It would be interesting to hear what some will say regarding this bad back but they won’t speak face to face, only in the dark corners where gossip spreads.

As I ponder this it would be a good time to consider the spiritual aspects of bad circumstances. You hear a lot of things expressed anytime problems occur. Some are good and healthy thoughts but some are quite the opposite of that. So why do bad things happen to good people?

There are no easy cut and dried answers for each situation is complex and who can know the mind of God. But there are many principles we should keep in mind, truths that tend to always hold up well. One of them is that we reap what we sow. Part of my back trouble is a direct result of the life I led, having broken it and my neck three separate times. Another principle is that God, being a loving father, will discipline those He loves. Throw into that mix the fact that we live in a fallen world full of all kinds of evil. The concept that God will send a hurricane to punish one person (act of God) doesn’t hold water. However when you read the bible, particularly the old testament, you do find God’s judgment unleashed in some pretty intense ways.

It is unfortunate that people try to remake God into their own image, one of who and what they think God should be. Invariably that god is one that is super nice and lets people get away with doing whatever they want so they have nothing to fear. The problem is that God cannot fit into any kind of box the imagination of man devises. There is the truth and the rest is deception. If the truth is not how you would like things to be that doesn’t change things. Those who purport to be wise and the philosophers of this age may say things like “The truth is relative” or something cute like “What is true for one person is not true for another” but when we stand before God Almighty, the creator of the universe and all life, how we think things should be will fly out the window.

The biggest word in the Bible is “if”. Most of God’s promises have an “if” attached to them. God promises rewards if we do the things that please Him and He promises consequences “if” we are rebellious and do what we know is wrong. One of the scriptures that I hear quoted so many times, and in so many places, is this one found in 2 Chronicles 7.14 “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Most of the time those quoting this leave out the first part, despite the fact that there is only a coma between them so this line is the first part of the sentence. 13 "When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people,”

So here we do find natural calamities being brought to the land from God’s hand. It is judgment, and it is not only not pleasant but indeed very painful and even deadly. I have listened as leaders in church quote this with pride, knowing all the while that they are hardening their hearts regarding things they know they should not be doing. It is always dangerous to pull just part of a scripture out and use it without carefully considering the rest of it. I always enjoyed listening to an old radio Icon, Paul Harvey, who, with his unique voice and outlook would present stories that most were somewhat familiar with, at least regarding one aspect of them, and reveal what else had happened behind the scenes with his well recognized and trademarked closing line “And that…is the rest of the story”.

So let me tell you the rest of the story regarding this favorite often quoted scripture. These were the words God spoke to king Solomon right after he had dedicated the magnificent temple built for the Lord. This was the first temple ever built since God had brought the nation of Israel out of the slavery of Egypt generations earlier. It was to house the Ark of the Covenant as well as becoming the central point of worship for the nation to the one and true God.

Solomon had just finished dedicating the temple with hundreds of thousands of animal sacrifices as the whole nation celebrated. After Solomon had prayed God even sent fire down from heaven to burn the initial sacrifice, a convincing sign to say the least. After 14 days of celebration God appeared to him that night. Things were going well, there was peace throughout the land for the first time so there were no famines, droughts, or plagues. However God was saying that if the people would stray from following the truth they know these things would happen. So here was the “if” but it wasn’t the first if nor would it be the last.

          Here is the rest of that scripture “¹⁶ I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there. ¹⁷ "As for you, if you walk before me as David your father did, and do all I command, and observe my decrees and laws, ¹⁸ I will establish your royal throne, as I covenanted with David your father when I said, 'You shall never fail to have a man to rule over Israel.' ¹⁹ "But if you turn away and forsake the decrees and commands I have given you and go off to serve other gods and worship them, ²⁰ then I will uproot Israel from my land, which I have given them, and will reject this temple I have consecrated for my Name. I will make it a byword and an object of ridicule among all peoples.”

It seems, from my conversations and experience, that most people are greatly impressed with Solomon. “He was wise, he was rich, he was a great king” is the general consensus. After all Solomon wrote many of the proverbs, psalms, and a couple of the books in the Bible. But the cold reality is that Solomon went not only far astray but he led his whole nation astray too. He did this in the same way many of us slip into trouble today, with a little compromise here, another one there, until compromise is an accepted way of doing things and you don’t think about it nor see why it’s a problem. Solomon’s compromise appears to have started with his wives, though I suspect there were issues before that. Each wife came from foreign lands with foreign gods and they brought their idols with them. He allowed them to set up temples to worship them and in the process allowed that corruption into the land, where others would get involved as well.

The question some will have is “Did God cause your pain?” In the course of these conversations there will be hundreds of questions come up. “Why would God do this?” and of course debates as some say God did not cause this and others would say I deserved it, and on and on. I don’t pretend to know the answers to so many of these questions. I know that bad things happen to good people and I have seen bad people be blessed beyond measure. It can be quite confusing to try and figure it all out but I choose not to get caught up in all these questions when it comes to my personal plight. I do try to provide some kind of answer or comfort for those who seek guidance in the midst of crisis. Meantime I use the back scratcher we have to retrieve socks, shoes, and even pick my cell phone up because reaching for them results in excruciating pain. I am confident that when all is said and done I will be better for all the frustration and will look for and find the good that comes from this.

My scripture reading for today is in John, chapter 9. It is a fascinating story of Jesus healing a man who was born blind. Naturally this ties in some to my thoughts for the day. I must shuffle around a little and attempt to find a position that does not hurt as bad while I do this. I lean forward as I support my weight with my hands to provide a temporary respite from the pain and then sit upright to type this. Now as the pain builds I will go through the slow careful process of laying back on the pillows piled on the bed to provide some upright support. One wrong move, even a quarter inch off, will result in a wave of pain that immobilizes me for about 120 to 200 seconds until it fades back to where I can move again. This is how it has been since Monday.

Hang on, let me lay back.

Ok, that is finally done. Even sitting up in the bed must be done carefully. I keep my walking staff next to the bed for I must lean on it and use the strength of my arms to sit up, to lay down, to pull my feet over the edge of the bed to the floor, and then to stand up. I am blessed!!! Really, I am. When someone on facebook expressed how sorry they felt for me and stuff like that I quickly wrote back, stopping their sympathy feeling bad thing and told them “This is just part of the price I pay for being alive, for surviving that car wreck, and if this is the price of life I am happy to pay it because the alternative is not as good”

I don’t talk about the hard times we go through to get people to feel sorry or bad for us, but I do because many have told me how it has inspired them through the difficulties they have faced. That and I tend to be forthrightly honest and to not put on a big false front in order to impress anyone.

That is all for now. We will attempt to visit with Mary today. Not sure if she is home as she isn’t answering the phone, but she often does not answer it. See ya next time.