Moving right along...My son on my mind

5/15/06 Monday
There has already been allot of traffic on the blog. It is 1:34 and I am just now getting to going online and starting this journal. This morning was lethargic. Cherie is back on her nine to six work schedule so she got to take her time getting ready. That seemed to set my pace for the first part of the morning. I dipped around, scrambled some eggs and just vegged, accomplishing nothing. Then the phone rang.

“You want to go early? I’m ready if you are” I heard Fred’s voice crackling through the phone. “Uh, Fred? No I’m not ready yet. I’m not even dressed” I let the old guy know. “You’re not even dressed yet? How soon can you go. How’s a quarter to eleven sound” Fred said and then launched into where he wanted to go and what he wanted to do. So much for lethargic. Damn. I checked my E mail and was totally immersed in the E mail that Bruce sent me. I was trying to get it to load on the blog but this dial up sucks. No time, clocks ticking, I guess I just have to skip a shower and throw something on. Yeah…I’ll just hit the mouthwash instead of brushing. No one will know except me as it feels like I got velvet coating my teeth and gums. Can’t get these damn pictures to load. I’ll just publish this now and load the pictures later. Out the door.


“Hi Fred, You ready to go?” I said cheerily when Fred opened his door in response to my knock. “Yeeaahh” Fred slowly said. I could tell he wasn’t up to speed. Grabbing the bag of garbage Fred had put outside next to his door I hurried out the door. I ran his garbage to the dumpster and got back to his car by the time he was getting out the door.

We went and cashed a check over at Tom’s and then across the street to the BMV. There I went to stand in line for Fred so he could sit down but I was the next in line. It was a slow day. Fred worked to get up to the counter and then started the process to get the plates transferred to the Buick. I stood by and helped by relaying what the clerk said loud enough for Fred to hear. Some of the questions I knew the answers for anyway so that speeded up the process.

Out of there we went to the dollar store. Fred had a long list of things he wanted. I could tell it was all for Barb. Bleach, dish soap, SOS pads, a mop, and other cleaning stuff. Fred depended on me more than at other times and seemed lost. This is kind of how I get during my slow downs so it is interesting to watch. I got all this stuff in the cart and we headed to the check out. As always I watched as everything was scanned and made sure Fred understood he was holding a twenty in his hand to pay with.

Then we went to Barb’s. I carried the bags behind Fred as he went up to Barb’s door. Fred just grabbed the knob and tried to walk right in like he always does. It was locked so he banged on it but got no response. Barb came out of the apartment the old pervert lived in. I guess they are getting along now. Don’t care. Walking into Barb’s place Fred blew up right away. “You got to clean up this pig sty. This is ridiculous. It smells in here. Air this place out!” He preached as he poked at things with his walking stick. Barb of course instantly reacted so I spoke up “Hey guys??? Lets make this a fun time OK. Where am I driving to?”. That got things refocused so I headed out the door towards the car. They dutifully followed though Fred was still bitching under his breath. “Hey, It worked!” I thought to myself but the day is just starting.

The first order of events is to again decide where I was driving to. Barb had a ten dollar gift card from Kroger but Fred didn’t want to go to Kroger because they had charged him a late charge. So that left the Pharm. They weren’t at each others throats like I expected though they had lively discussions. I pretty much stayed in the distance and let them go. Fred asked me to get a pack of Papermate pens “They come in a two pack with one black and one red” he told me. I already knew this would be an adventure.

Finding the school supply isle I purveyed everything that was on the shelves. Nothing matching the description here. Fred comes by and I explained there was nothing like he had described. Then I have to start the being his visual announcer as he would get into the pens. As he grabbed a package off the peg I would tell him what he held. He was getting frustrated and kept grabbing. I just let him go, no longer telling him what he held as he would place his face inches away from everything determined to find what he wanted. He finally gave up. Big sigh of relief.

I got them checked out and loaded up. Fred decided to take us out for a sandwich so the discussion of where to go began. Barb was explaining that she had to eat healthy so Fred says “What about Long John Silvers”. Now that is not healthy in any way and is the greasiest crap I have ever had. I made the mistake of saying that. Finally I just stopped the car in the parking lot. “I’m not moving till we know where I’m going” I announced. That worked. Red Wells it is.

That worked out well. I had the Barbecued beef for only $1.65 and water. Fred did roast beef with gravy poured all over the sandwich. Barb had that too but without all the gravy to avoid the fat. It was good. I was glad to take everyone home and get back here. Now my back is pretty painful as I sit and type this. May have to lay down and put the laptop on my raised knees as I often do. The back and neck are exceptionally noisy today, crackling noticeably as I stretch to reduce my pain.

It is 2:41 as I write this. My ears are beginning to ring to the point it drowns out the outside noises. Hope I stay speedy. Don’t need a slow down now when I seem to be writing so well. I think I will have the last piece of apple pie and ice cream. That will make me feel better. At least there is no headache.

This says more than I can

What follows is the E mail I received from my son this morning from Iraq. This is the way I got it so you can tell I resisted correcting an occasional mispelling. It speaks much louder than I can.

All right folks, here we go again.

In my quest for answers for my subject line I have
found part of my answer.
Most of the Airman and Solders here are I will
freely admit we are getting rather bitter. Hating this
country and hating the fact that they are here
fighting a war in a country that it would seem that in
we are not wanted or appreciated. We hear on a regular
basis of our friends getting killed or shot into.
People we saw just a few weeks ago getting sent home
on a stretcher rather than their own feet.
Living here in Mosul's pop up target you get
rather quickly frustrated with rarely being able to
shoot back. Nothing you can do but stand there and
hope that their aim dose not improve. So as you can
understand that there is a lot of frustrations that
are getting blamed on all Iraqis. Because here you
never can tell who is pretending to be your friend and
who actually is.
As was mentioned in the last installment, our
neighbors the Jassem family were the unfortunate
recipient of some of this "inaccurate fire" In witch
it wounded their little girl who was still quietly
sleeping. She was peppered with shrapnel all up and
down her little back. Fortunately we were able to have
her rushed to the local hospital. She has in these few
weeks remarkably bounced back. If it was not for the
bandages you would not be able to tell that this
little eight year old was injured.
Some of us imprisoned on the academy felt rather
guilty that they received the rounds that were meant
for us. A few collections were taken up and some care
package items were donated. I hope that the people who
sent me the monstrous amounts of candy and snack foods
do not mind that it went to a different recipient. We
figured that it would brighten their day more than it
would ours.
So I ask myself when another travesty to our
collective intelligence come out of our leadership,
"What the hell am I still doing here?" I mearly need
to look over the wall at the small stucco house and
say to myself. To give them something that they have
never had before:

hope.

The pictures.


This is most of the Jassum family, minus the
working husband. The mother ended up with two boxes of
assorted items. Mainly junk food, sorry mom...


Second, Santa Clauses (intentionally misspelled).
Our two interpreters that jumped on the opportunity to
do something different. Collectively known as the
"smegals". SSgt M. Sorenson, and Sra. D. McDuffy.(the
ones in "coffee stain" 3-color).


Lastly. The little girl and "mac" he was sent in
one of the "any airman" packages. I will miss wearing
that bird tucked into my shoulder holster for boring
meetings, form filling outs and any other reasons I
needed to see if my troops are paying attention. But
he is in much better hands now.

It is the little things like this that put a face
on the country you only see bad things of in the news.
As for me it was good to put down the rifle and step
back for a second. Helps me on my quest to answer my
question. "what the hell am I still doing here".

until next time

Bruce

It's good to get along

5/13/06 Saturday
It is already 4:00 and I haven’t done anything other than sit in bed watching TV. I was up till 3:00 AM this morning. Just was wide awake and couldn’t go to sleep. Cherie had to work this morning so I got up with her and showered. After fixing a nice breakfast I laid back down and caught up on some sleep. Cherie went and did some shopping. We were going to go over to her mothers storage unit to get the twenty plus chess sets I had stored there and move them to our storage unit. Hope they are still there. When Cherie called to get the key she found out her dad is in the hospital. He wasn’t feeling good and had blood in his stool. Not a good sign.

It might be just hemorrhoids.

5/14/06 Sunday
It is already 3:00 today. I didn’t post anything yesterday and really don’t remember much other than I ran to Allen’s at 8:00 or so for a couple of hours. I just needed to get out as I had been in the house all day.

Cherie called over to her folks house to see how her dad is doing. The hospital will keep him one more night to do some tests on his colon. Cherie had called to see about getting our stuff out of her mom’s storage unit. Her sister, Cathy, answered so Cherie talked to her for a bit. Cathy had a key and called mom at the hospital to get the new code. The code had been changed because of problems with Jeremy that stemmed from him not paying for the storage unit he had. There’s more to that but there always is. Anyway Cathy is to meet us there to let us in so got to go.

I didn’t know what to expect. I haven’t talked to Cathy since the blow up when I made the mistake of talking about what goes on in that household. I haven’t been to the house since and was told I was not welcome to come over. I was surprised when there was no visible animosity from Cathy at all. She was bright and happy and talked freely. That is good. I never wanted there to be problems and am glad that at least she is OK. Now her son Nate may be another thing but we will see.

Cathy and her youngest son, Joshua, helped us get the twenty plus glass chess sets I had bought for a buck apiece loaded into our car. After that I invited them to come over to our storage unit where I showed her the desk I had recovered from my old warehouse. This came up after I saw the mahogany desk in Mom’s storage unit that I had stripped in preparation to refinishing it. That desk had belonged to Cherie’s grandfather but I was unable to finish it because I was no longer able to get to it in the garage and was no longer welcome over there. Kinda made me sad as I had looked forward to making it a gift to dad.

Cathy was impressed with my handiwork and we enjoyed talking about things like the farm and sustainable living. I didn’t know or at least didn’t remember that Cathy has a degree in agriculture so she is very knowledgeable about that kind of stuff. She made some suggestions that I can’t recall now but that’s how it is in Bob world.

While we were there the lady who manages the facility came up and asked Cathy how she got in because a bill hadn’t been paid for two months. Come to find out she mistook Cathy for someone else who will remain nameless for now. Cathy got upset pretty quickly and was getting more upset as she thought of this so I calmed her down.









I helped her understand that the manager was just doing her job and it was not a personal attack or insult. It is however one of the results of other’s actions that end up on Cathy’s shoulders. She expressed her desire to get away from these things that are not her responsibility. Escape can be a good thing. We talked a little more about Texas and I told her that I was glad we got along. I am glad. It is a relief.






I’ve been doing some blogging the last couple of days, something I haven’t done for a while. Chased down some of the links to others who visited my blog as well as some attached to the “homesteader” blog I visit. There is a large community of those who believe in and practice sustainable living as well as organic farming and the like. It would be good I think to connect with this community. One of the ones I tapped into is a Christian agrarian group.

I found some interesting theological positions as I read. Concepts that mirror some of my own regarding the church as a whole and how it evolves. While I have serious doubts and issues when it comes to religion I at the same time have a clearer understanding of these things than many who attend church regularly.



This comes from not only having a degree in theology but from my years as a minister. What a paradox. To not believe yet understand more than many who do.
The owner of one of the bogs showed some picrures of a woodcarving project, I think his first one. But anyway I figured I would post some my woodcarving in case he comes by to visit.







Eileen called me. She has been unable to eat without throwing up for weeks now. When I heard that I remembered an old herbal remedy that is prescribed in eleven states for this kind problem. I have been thinking of visiting Weenie (Eileen’s nickname) for a while so this would be a good time. I stopped by Allen’s for a bit and he gave me a gift for Eileen that surprised me with it’s generosity. “I know she’s a good woman so tell her happy mother’s day for me” he said.









That surprised Eileen also when I got to her house. She didn’t look too awake and I could tell that she wasn’t feeling well. Allen’s gift brightened her up quite a bit. We talked about old times and Eileen told me stories of the years she worked for me. They were often new to me and I asked her again to write them down for even now as I write this I cannot remember what she told me an hour ago. We had some good times and strange days like when I had to call the police to have Thor removed from the premises.

Thor worked for me and got the idea he owned a percentage of the company. I had told him that if we ever went public I would give him shares of stock. This was a pipe dream but I figure the incentive to grow the company to a state going public couldn’t hurt. It went to Thor’s head and there had been an rising tide of tension as his ego led to rebellion. I told him “Thor, enough of this. Your fired”. “You can’t fire me, I own part of the company” was his belligerent reply. Some how, in his delusion he believed this.

Thor continued peering at his computer screen as he kept doing what I had asked him to discontinue. Stubbornly he kept stabbing at the keyboard with his two finger typing skill. Eileen tells me that I had reached out, grabbed the monitor off Thor’s desk. And flung it to the ground with a resounding crash.

This is in full view of everyone in the two banks of telemarketing booths in my main phone room. They had watched this heating up all day so with this everyone ran for the doors. Claudia, a sweet old black woman, was yelling “Eileen! get me out of here! Oh My! The’re going to kill each other”.

When he refused to leave I called the police. Now it gets interesting. The police arrive. “Good, now I’ll end this nonsense” I thought to myself. The officers come in the office and as I get up from my desk Thor runs in from his desk where he had stayed in his defiance. Before I can get a word out Thor yells “You can’t throw me out. I own half of this company. Throw him out”. Now the cops are at a lose. I could see the wheels moving as they try to wrap their miniscule minds around this. Didn’t seem to work.

“Sir, we can’t remove him from the premises because he’s an owner” I was politely told. “What the hell do you want!” I screamed inside as I pointed out “Look at the sign on the door. It says WESTBROOK MARKETING. I’m Bob Westbrook. I own this company”. Not good enough. Nope. Now this is a pickle. Here I am in the office of the company I had founded and built from scratch in front of everyone that works for me and can’t make Thor leave.

Thor reared his head up as he swelled with his own pride. Then as he gloated, pretty much gave me the finger with his eyes, I got an idea. I looked at the two cops, who were not having fun, and said “I’ll be right back, stay here please”. With that I ran out of the office downstairs to the offices of River East. It was their building, they are my landlord. I had noticed one of the things the officers had told me, something about I didn’t own the building so couldn’t force Thor to leave. I explained things to River East and some one came up with me to talk to the police. They said that it was their building and they would like Thor to leave. BAM! BAM! I loved it. Thor’s face screwed up with his rage as he unleashed all that was boiling in his mind. He was then informed that to return to the building would be trespassing and he would be jailed.



Like I said “The good old days”. I am getting tired now. I do have a bunch of pictures on the desk and wood work I did as you can see

Cold rainy morning

5/12/06 Friday
I am running about a 6 or 7 this morning. Not doing bad but I had to think a moment to remember what year it was as I wrote the date above. Probably a 6 on the Bob scale. Yesterday was a good day as evidenced by the total length of my post. Almost wrote a book, but it was a busy day. This morning Wayne will use his medical cab for the first time.

Just called Wayne to check on him. He is waiting for his cab but asked if he could call me in case they didn’t show when he was done with his appointment. I asked how his blood sugar did yesterday and he said it was better than the first day.

Last night I had a headache coming so I took this new medicine for the first time. It is hard to say it worked because sometimes when I feel the start of a headache it doesn’t get bad. Last night was like that. When Cherie looked it up on the internet it said that what the drug did was reduce the flow of blood to the brain. I had presumed that the migraines were made worse because of a lack of blood so would take aspirin to thin it so more would flow. Who knows, I don’t, just guess at things.

I seem to be slowing a little as I write and the ear is starting to ring. At least I don’t have anything really planned though I do want to call Denise to see when I can go over to look at her computer. Imagine that, me working on someone’s computer when I get lost on mine. Hey, I do what I can.
-----------------------------------------------

11:09 – I laid down for a short time because I am feeling poorly. It’s hard to describe. Kind of tired but not the tired where you want to sleep. I took one of the new migraine pills because it said to take them when you feel a headache coming because it wouldn’t work well after the headache was in full force. I am still running at a slow 6 on the Bob scale, probably more like a 5.

I called Jim McGilvray this morning to ask about the Federal group life insurance policy on my grandmother. He just returned the call. He said that because I had gotten a lawyer he wasn’t allowed to talk to me. I didn’t know that but there’s lots of stuff I don’t know. When I explained that I just wanted to see about the life insurance policy and wondered if it would delay things. Jim did say that it was not a part of probate at all and seemed unaware of it. This is curious because Larry specifically told me that he had sent all of this to McGilvray. I have to wonder if that was another lie and if so what would be the motive. Because of what Larry said I have not completed the form I was sent from the Federal Employees Insurance office. I better get on that as Larry is still not proving to be trustworthy. This is just another in a long line of his mistruths. Whether it was intentional or not I don’t know but I directly told McGilvray Larry said he sent this to him and Jim was specific in stating he didn’t know anything about it. I now have to wonder if there were any other insurance policies I haven’t been told about. I will E mail this to my attorney now.

Just checked this journal to get the dates on this insurance policy. We received the letter about it on the 6th of this month. I called Larry and Virginia this Monday the 8th.
------------------------------------------------

1:00 – I just talked to Sally Edwards, the attorney who I found for Wayne’s disability claim with Social Security. Bill, another person with MS fighting to get disability, had told me that she was in great pain due to a pinched sciatic nerve so was having problems keeping up with things. Sally told me that she was doing better because she was getting electronic traction. We had a good talk. She is quite a woman who takes only MS cases because her husband had died of MS. Things are under way and I will be sending as much medical information as I can to help her. The thing is I was going to do this before and as often happens it vanished from my mind. I better get on it now before I forget again. Still not moving to fast but getting some phone calls made.

I called the number on the Federal Employees’ Group Insurance and talked to the lady handling the case. She told me that She did not need the death certificate of Lee’s first husband, only Rudy’s. That will make things much easier. Time to get to work on these things before I get distracted and they vanish again.

1:26 - I’m pretty slow now. Down to a four. Dizzy and having a hard time sorting things in my head. Need to focus on just one thing. I choose to get Wayne’s medical records together.

That didn’t work. It’s a partial seizure. Down to a 3 now. Will grab a sandwich and go to bed. Maybe just go to bed.

Laying down doesn’t work. Wide awake and can’t stand watching the ceiling. Tried the television but too much noise and things to process. So I will just look at blogs as I can do that at my own pace which is real slow. Frustrating to be a vegetable. The sandwich tasted bad but my taste buds don’t always work well. This sucks.

Improvement is always good

5/11/06 Thursday
7:30 – I seem to be much better this morning than I was yesterday. No headache and the brain is working at an 8 on the Bob scale. I love it when I don’t have to look at the keys to type and these fingers dance on the board.






Last night Cherie worked with me on the Love Story. It is so strange to not remember key events in my life. Fact is some of it Cherie had a hard time remembering also. One of the areas we are both unsure of is the year I fell from a tree, breaking my neck, back, and sustaining the brain injury that caused the personality change leading to our divorce. I was amazed when Cherie told me we had been planning to move back to Texas. That was why we had let go of our apartment (Which I also didn’t remember) and moved in with her grandparents.

One of the other things I changed was not due to a lack of memory. We all have a tendency to tell a story that puts us in the best light or works to justify an action. This I did. When you tell a story one way for a period of time it becomes the truth to you, at least in your mind. I corrected that in this story. I have been placing all the blame for my second divorce on the second wife. The truth of the matter is I was no better than she was when it came to infidelity, in fact I was worse.

Honesty and truthfulness have no favorites and often reveal things one would like to keep hidden. It is not hard to tell the truth about someone else despite it revealing unpleasant things about them. However to shine that spotlight of the truth on yourself can be equally unpleasant. When I woke up from my coma and spent the next year determining the philosophy and principles I would live by, being honest and straightforward was high on the list. That has caused many problems and I have been learning how to temper that. If I think someone’s clothes are ugly I won’t rush to tell them as I perhaps would have. This is the Social Skills area that was damaged with my TBI. It is not uncommon with Traumatic Brain Injury survivors to have this problem and makes things hard for them when those around them do not understand this.

Anyway, to make a long story short, the Love Story will be finished and published on both of my blogs soon. It will be honest and one of the most fantastic love stories that you have heard. The kind of story fiction writers come up with only it is real and still going on. Yeah I know, I am biased but that’s OK. I get to live a dream that you could only find in romance novels and chick flicks. Works for me and Cherie too.

As you can tell I am doing well this morning. How can you tell? Cause I run on and write much more prolifically. I suppose I should take advantage of this time of lucidity and get some stuff done. Breakfast would be a good start. The last few days all I ate was dinner cause I didn’t think of eating or if I did I promptly forgot. So good morning folks. Stay tuned for more action in the fascinating life of Bob. (yeah I know I’m delusional but it sounds good. There’s not really much “action”)

Today I take Wayne to the monthly MS luncheon. That is always good for him and I enjoy it too. Not only does it help me understand better how to help Wayne but I am accepted there. Being accepted is nice, especially after the pain of being rejected by the good, compassionate, loving Christians at the Cedar Creek church. (Sarcasm intended) If you don’t practice what you preach I don’t have much for you.

After that Wayne goes for day two of his infusion therapy for his MS. We must watch his blood sugar closely on this. He is worrying about this and expects the worst. Hard to keep him positive. I should call him this morning to see how he is doing.
-----------------------------------------

1:40 – I am now at MUO with Wayne. He is still worrying about these infusions. His blood sugar did go up to 375 which is close to the limit. Wayne complained incessantly about having to pee every twenty minutes and not being able to sleep. He would repeat what he said again and again despite my asking him to find something else to talk about. He would be quiet for a while and start back in on it.

I got him to the MS luncheon a few minutes late. All the chairs were full so everyone slid over to make room for us. The MS luncheon was pretty good. It has grown and I suspect will continue to. They covered several subjects from how friends and family shy away from you to depression. Someone asked Denise if she could get E mail and she said her computer was messed up. I offered to look at it and she seemed surprised someone would do that.

Later Denise had to get up and leave. At first Wayne thought she wanted to go out and smoke a cigarette but I could tell she was bothered. She didn’t bring her walker in so I told her to go ahead and take Wayne’s and I would bring it back in. She didn’t so that was OK. Janet or one of the other women who is involved with the MS group went out after Denise did. She came back in and looking at me said to everyone “When you leave talk to Denise. She is having a hard time and is crying. She doesn’t think she can cry in front of all of us. That’s what we’re here for”.

Here is Denise and Wayne at last years Christmas party for those who attend the MS luncheon support group This definitely caught my attention. Denise is the lady who has impressed me with her spirit in the face of her advanced MS. Her tremors make it almost impossible for her to do some basic tasks such as drinking out of a cup. I have admired and made note of her bravery in this journal but this brings up the deep pain and despair she hides with that bravery.

It was getting close to the time we had to leave in order for Wayne to make his appointment at MUO. As we went out the door Denise was sitting on a bench smoking a cigarette. Wayne started to try and joke with her but that was definitely not working. I sat down next to her and asked a question that made it easy for her to open up. It didn’t take much.

Denise just started balling and when she tried to stop from embarrassment I put my arm around her shoulder and told her “It’s OK Denise, it’s good to cry, it will help”. I listened as she revealed her pains. How her husband had told her to get the F out because she had MS, how she had tried to commit suicide, how she was 42 years old and living at home with her parents. There was much more inside that she will need time to get out. Her pain is deep, her hope is gone, her life has no value, at least in her view. There is much need here and my heart goes out, it is touched as I shared her pain and felt the anguish that overwhelms her soul.

As she told me how they had broke down the door of her bathroom after she had taken all the pills she could find and drunk them down with a bottle of booze she said “Why did they have to do that? It was so peaceful. Why did they have to bring me back”. Her anguish was overwhelming and the despair wept out of her voice. I talked with Denise as I searched for what to say. I told her “Denise, one of the things that has helped me is to help others. It gives my life meaning. It gives it value. I will come to see you Friday to look at your computer and talk with you for a bit”. She was grateful and said “Really? You’d do that? That would be good”.

Others started coming out of the luncheon then. They would give hugs to Denise as they walked by. Bill, the Harley rider, stopped to talk to me about his Social Security claim. Evidently the lawyer in Kentucky has some health problems that are making it hard for her to do her job. This is not good news as she is the same lawyer I got for Wayne. I need to check on that. So much.

Getting in the car Wayne looked at me and said “How are you going to go to Texas when so many people need you?” That is a hard question. As I work to insure those I care for are not going to be neglected when we leave more come in whom I can have an impact on. It is hard for me to walk by someone with a need when I can help them. It’s like seeing someone drowning and not throwing them the life preserver that is on the railing next to you. Many can do this but I can’t. It’s not in me. My life is a gift and if I keep that to myself the gift becomes a curse.

I think I will stop writing for a while and ponder all of this.
--------------------------------------------

8:00 – I was pretty tired by the time I got home. Wayne was feeling better about his steroid infusion because he talked to some at the MS luncheon who had been through it. They conveyed how it helped give them energy and reduced their pain. After he got done I stopped at Kroger and ran in to pick up a couple dozen eggs for him on the way to his apartment.

I have been sharp all day long which I am always grateful for. Fred called me when I got home and asked me to please come down to see him. What is it now I thought cause I could hear his frustration in his voice. He had called Wells Fargo about his not having a payment book. This is the same thing he had talked to the finance manager at Ed Schmidt. Now he is all worked up. “Look at this number” he told me pointing to the ten or twelve digit account number he had written across his pad with the last numbers trailing down the side because he ran out of room. “Can you believe that? They told me they don’t have payment books. She said they would send out a monthly statement. I’m going to have to make two payments in one month. Their going to mess up my bank statement” Fred ran on.

“Great” I thought “How do I settle him down?”. That was the magic question. My tolerance had reached its limit earlier while I was taking Wayne home. He had gotten on his “I feel bad I inconvenience you. I wish I could pay you for what you do. I’m such a burden” thing that always drives me up a wall. If it wasn’t constant it wouldn’t be so bad but Wayne just doesn’t get it no matter how many times I tell him. I stopped the car at a stop sign and just sat there listening to him run on and on with his “I’m not worth it” pity party. He didn’t figure it out till after about five minutes of sitting in the car and not moving I said “Wayne, I’m not moving till you shut the F… up. We’ve gone through this before. I told you I help because I want to and enjoy it so let it go”. Wayne got the message.

Now I have to deal with Fred. Fred is a very different situation but it was hard for me to not let my frustration show. I tried to explain the same thing the finance manager at Ed Schmidt did with little luck. Fred went on about how he gets his bank statement on the seventeenth and he was going to be late with his payment. “I’m never late. I pay all my bills on the first of the month, you know that” he stressed. “Fred, the payment isn’t due till the 29th and that’s twenty days away” I started but he let me know it was nineteen days not twenty. “Fred just pretend it’s the first of the month. It will work out just the same. One day will not make a difference and Wells Fargo isn’t worried”. That didn’t work either. Finally I told him “Fred I know you don’t like it but this is the way it is. You have to live with it. It works out Fred. You make one payment a month”. He said he would go to Ed Schmidt and give them a piece of his mind so I gave up. I told him that wouldn’t change anything. “Just let me know when your statement comes in and I will check it over for you to make sure it is right. Yes, I’ll print up some mailing labels for you when it comes” I said as I escaped through his door.

Cherie came home and warmed up some of the Mexican lasagna I invented. Fred called while we were eating. He wanted to set up a time to take him somewhere Monday. “Sure Fred, that days clear. Where do you need to go?” I asked. He said that Barb was still having problems with her Cricket cell phone so he wanted to go there and straighten them out. You regular readers will remember the several adventures we have had down there. For the rest of you just type in Cricket in the search engine at the top of this blog. One of the entries Cherie wrote because she had the privilege of accompanying me on one of these jaunts. It is hilarious and worth going back to read. I have to wonder about this and what Barb might be up to. She said she was missing calls but I have had no problem at all reaching her so something is up. At this point I will drive them there but not get involved as I did before, just stay in the background and let them deal with it. Sounds good but I’m sure they’ll drag me in.

I have a headache on the way. The new medicine the VA prescribed for this just came in. It’s says it has 100 mg of caffeine and 1 mg of something called Ergotamine. That seems strange to me. Hope it doesn’t keep me up all night. I just took two like the directions said so will find out. The VA is known to try all the cheapest medication they can to avoid having to give out the good stuff. I don’t care if it’s cheap, just want it to work. I’ll let you know.

I think I will call it a night. The brain stayed sharp all day and other than being tired I am still doing well. Night all.

I checked my E mail when I went to post this and there was one from my son Bruce. He has always been close about what goes on there and gave the impression that there was little danger. I had ended my last E mail with I love you, stay safe. His reply said that he was trying but “Incoming made it difficult”. That and the fact that the little girl, who’s picture is on an earlier post, perhaps yesterday, was hit by shrapnel from a mortar attack on the compound reveals a little of what goes on. I am sure he will be more open when he comes home but I have to respect his not wanting to worry us stateside. Of course I wouldn’t be surprised if he is discouraged from talking about it as well.

Rough start

5/10/06 Wednesday
This is a rough morning. Woke up groggy and with a headache. I have a busy day scheduled. It starts with me getting Wayne to MUO to start his battery of steroid infusions. That is at 10:00 and I am to get Barb to a church in Sylvania by 11:30. It will be cutting things close as I have no idea how long it will take with Wayne. Hopefully this headache will go away. I am only running about a 5 on the Bob scale.

Cherie has some misgivings about the love story as she is not sure how her parents will take things. I told her to let me know what she has problems with and I will try to make it acceptable. My main criteria is that everything be accurate and the truth. Part of the problem is that everyone will view an event from their own perspective. Thus two people will draw very different conclusions from the same event. Usually we will interpret an event so we were doing the right and noble thing, to put us in a good light.

I will be leaving in an hour. Cherie is fixing to go to work so I must take a break to give her, her morning hug and kiss send off with a laugh mixed in. I love to see her laugh. It is harder for me to get her to laugh when I feel this bad.
----------------------------------------------

10:07 – I am at MUO now. They said it will take about an hour to do this procedure. That will be cutting things close. This is a hard day, one of the ones where I get lost. I have been to MUO dozens of times but today nothing looked familiar. I was uncertain of the correct street to turn on because all the buildings at the corner looked out of place. I remembered the name of the street but not how things looked. I explained to Wayne that I was not doing well and had a headache so he would understand my being curt and not wanting to talk. As I sit in this waiting room the sound of the television and people talking makes it hard for me to formulate these sentences. My right leg is also not functioning well as is often the case when I am slow.

11:24 – I am still not doing well. Went outside to call Barb and tell her I was running late because they still had Wayne hooked up for his infusion. She said Fred had been calling so I called him. Ed Schmidt needs me to drop by so they can get the number of the remote control.

NCIS’s show is portraying a traumatic brain injury. We saw a portion of it last night as the lead guy woke from a coma. He was confused and didn’t remember things. Wow, Déjà vu here. Traumatic Brain Injury is starting to get recognition and you see it showing up more on television and in movies. Fifty First Dates is a movie that portrays a man with short term memory loss. Another one is called Memento.

12:14 – I dropped Wayne off and called Barb, telling her to be outside and ready. I slid up to her apartment and took off as soon as she got the door closed asking her if she knew where this church was I was taking her to as I spun the car back the direction I had come. “It’s on Erie. I think that is what Monroe turns into when we get to Sylvania” she told me. When I told her we would be late she said she had called and we would have time. I broke a few laws getting there but I’ve had a lifetime of practice getting there faster than I should.

Barb received two bags of cleaning supplies at this church in Sylvania. Fred had called her several times already and called as we were driving away. “Trilby church? No I don’t want to go there” I heard Barb say as she began to argue with Fred. She hung up and laughed telling me “That cheap ass. I don’t want to go to Trilby. All they have is macaroni and cheese and other high starch stuff. I need to lose weight”. Understand she operates at a ten year old level much of the time and her voice has the inflections you would hear out of a child.

As I drove her home she talked about things going on. Her brother, Bill, started calling her out of the blue. I wondered if he was wanting something out of her as that is when he usually calls. Other than that she doesn’t hear from him and he won’t return her calls. He wanted her to switch her cell phone company to the one he uses. I’d bet he will get some kind of incentive for that. Who knows. He is a long term alcoholic who will go through periods where he won’t drink but always goes back to it. Selfishness is a big part of most alcoholics as they take care of themselves and will make no sacrifice for others unless there is something in it for themselves. I know a few like that. One reads this blog regularly.

I went to Ed Schmidt after I got Barb home. There I found JD and watched as he searched for a remote that matches the one for Fred’s Buick. It took a while but he finally came across one at the bottom of the box. He had me take it to the back where they programmed it for the car. I asked about the key that was supposed to be made and got the usual confusion. When they called JD and learned that Greg, the site manager, wanted this done there was movement. A key blank was found and cut in short order.

With all done that I needed done I came home. It has been a hard day with the migraine making driving tough due to my sensitivity to light. It is cloudy out so I didn’t take my sunglasses but if I did I would have been wearing them. I didn’t eat today so I will make a sandwich. My brain is now operating at a 7 on the Bob scale and the headache has faded to manageable levels.
---------------------------------------------

8:00 – So much for that. The headache had a revival meeting and the preacher is screaming to the choir in my head as they beat drums. It has been a hard day and when I thought things would clear up they came back. Oh well. I got stuff done so I can feel good about that. Running slow still and having a hard time walking. Frustrating to say the least. The weather turned bad with a low pressure system bringing lots of rain. It is supposed to be like this till Friday. Wonder if that contributes to this slow down.

I am sure I had something I needed to do but don’t remember what. Regardless I don’t feel up to doing much. Think I will go blogging and call it a night.

I just came to check my E mail and blog as I usually do before I retire for the night. I got an E mail from my son Bruce in Iraq. In it he included this picture of a girl who had been injured in a mortar attack at the compound there she was in. I am proud of Bruce and wonder that he turned out so good despite all the personal problems I had.
I suppose I showed him first hand how not to act. He is a sheriffs deputy who works in the county jail when he is not fighting in Iraq. Glad he wasn’t at the jail when I was a unwilling guest. That would have been embarrassing. I can just imagine it. “Oh hi son”. “hi dad, will you go to your bunk for count time”. Glad that didn’t happen. Here’s the picture.
Good night. I'll see ya tomorrow

Good start, warm day

5/9/06 Tuesday
Not a bad start for the morning. Running about a six on the Bob scale when I woke up but that has moved up to an 8. I got an E mail from Linda, a fellow survivor of Traumatic Brain Injury. She is going through some difficulties and her brain injury makes it harder to deal with. Depression is a common problem we have to fight. I wrote her back with the hope of encouraging her. One of her issues is having to fight the insurance company for coverage of her care. I don’t know the details but I know insurance companies. They usually have some bureaucratic dweeb who’s job is to try to save his company money. Unfortunately that often involves screwing the person who needs what they paid insurance premiums for. This is one of the reasons my Congresswoman, Marcy Kaptur, sponsored a bill recognizing TBI as a disability under the ADA (American Disability Act ?)

This morning Fred wants to go to Ed Schmidt to see if the key for his car came in and to make sure his plates were properly transferred. I told him he had signed a form authorizing them to do it for him but he didn’t get it. No problem.

I will cook dinner again tonight. I am always glad when Cherie asks me to do things and she is getting better at doing that. I fixed an egg McMuffin this morning so at least I ate. Hope McDonalds doesn’t sue me for using the McMuffin name but it pretty much describes what I cooked. That and a couple cups of coffee and I am good to go.

I E mailed the Love Story to Cherie at work so she can fix the errors I made in it. That is a problem with losing your memory is what you can recall is sometimes not quite accurate. That is one of the reasons I interview people who knew me to get the right story or in some cases just to learn what I can’t remember at all. I will probably always be doing that.

I will be leaving with Fred soon so will go ahead and post this. Stay tuned because I will add to this post as the day goes by, providing of course that I am still doing good.

OK maybe not. The server for my blogs seems to be down. I’ll have to wait till it comes up again.

12:00 – Just got back with Fred. He is acting his age today. Blogger seems to be having difficulties. At least it doesn’t say the server is not available but it is loading pretty slow.

Fred was having a hard time understanding things at Ed Schmidt. JD the salesman wasn’t in so we talked to Greg the manager. He took us to the financial manager because Fred was upset his payment book hadn’t come yet. It has only been ten days since he bought the car. Fred went on about how this would mess up his checking account because he always gets his checks out on the first of the month. His first payment isn’t due till the 29th, which is twenty days away. We both tried to explain that he had plenty of time but it didn’t seem to sink in. Then he was assured he would not have to pay a late charge so that settled him down.

We checked to see if the key and remote for the car had come in and it seems there is no order for it at wherever they make them. “I’m tired of this shit. I’m going to talk to Greg” Fred let everyone know. I sheepishly shrugged my shoulders from behind Fred to let the service manager know I sympathized with him. Then I took Fred back to see Greg. Greg got right on it and we both had to settle Fred down and assure him it would be taken care of. “Don’t worry Fred. I will come down here tomorrow and make sure it is done” I told him. We both shook Greg’s hand and left.

Alright!! Now it’s phase two of the Fred chronicles. He had mentioned he wanted to go to Kasmiers grocery but when I asked “You ready to go to Kasmiers?” Fred got confused. “You said you have to get gas” he told me so I let him know I can do that anytime. So off to the grocery store we went.

This was a nothing is good enough or cheap enough shopping trip. Fred wanted to peer at everything no matter what. I patiently explained what he was looking at but he would spend his time peering at things he doesn’t need or want. This includes the tampax isle. “Fred that’s all women’s stuff. You don’t want anything here” I would tell him and he would promptly pick up a box of Tampons and say “What is this?”.

He got tired to my relief so I got him through the check out and home. Glad it’s done. I think I will go visit Allen now
------------------------------------------------

Here is a picture of one of the reasons Allen is in so much pain. He is a member of the Pyrotechnics Guild, which is for those who build professional level fireworks. One of the ten inch shells accidently went off flingin Allen over a pick up truck which was also moved sideways four feet from the blast. His body was peppered with rocks and debris.

Allen was much better this time, at least from the standpoint of being more settled down. He was however in pain, holding his stomach as his face knotted up. “I’ll be glad when we get you approved for Medicaid so a doctor can look at that” I told him. He sat there smoking cigarette after cigarette most of the time I was there. I helped him get some stuff done that required bending over waist high. That hurt me a lot. I’ve broke my neck three times and my back once so the pain level can be high. Getting that done we watched The Hunt For Red October on his satellite. We didn’t talk much so I went ahead and left when the movie was over.

Now what do I fix for dinner? First I look in the fridge to take stock of what we have. We have tortillas, some fajita stuff from a restaurant we ate at, cheese, and the two chicken thighs left over from last night. What else is there? Oh! Here’s some of that Thai fish sauce and curry paste. OK Houston! We are having Mexican Lasagna. I got the casserole dish out and cut up onion and red pepper, mixing it with the chicken I had deboned and cut up. Pouring some olive oil and fish sauce in a wok I stir fried all of this. Then I layered this mix with tortilla shells, cheese, and some salsa. Into the oven it goes for forty five minutes at 350. We must wait till it comes out to see if it is edible.

Then I mixed up some guacamole with the two avocados that were going bad in the fridge. Not bad, I better call Cherie and have her pick up some chips on the way home. What else do we need to use up? Here’s some broccoli and carrots along with veggie dip. Cool, now we have a four course appetizer.

Dinner was great and we finished with the last of the strawberry cream pie I bought yesterday. No wonder I’m getting fat.

Right now my back pain is too much to remain at this computer. I will have to lay down. This brings concern about what I will be able to do in Texas.

It's hard to be a friend

5/8/06 Monday
Good morning. Hope y’all doing fine. Just got off the phone with my brother. I called him regarding a letter we got from the Federal Employee’s life insurance about an insurance policy on Lee. They request death certificates and a bunch of other stuff to determine if Larry and I are the beneficiaries. He wasn’t very conversational which doesn’t surprise me. If he would bother to talk things would have been figured out much quicker on the estate I think. Still doesn’t have a regular job and does contract work when he can find it.

I called Virginia just before that. She was busy doing payroll at her job so couldn’t visit much. There were three tornadoes out her way along with some pretty big hail. Virginia said that some of it went through the roofs of some trailer houses. That is a strong incentive for us to put in a cellar and carport.

Cherie’s new hours start today. She goes in at 9:00 instead of 8:00 which she loves as she was always pushing to get to work on time. She won’t be home till 6:00 but that’s fine. I cook dinner tonight. Got some chicken that needs to be cooked. Fred needs to go to the bank this morning and I will be taking Wayne to see his doctor at 2:00. There is something I need the doctor to do but I can’t remember what. Hopefully it will come to mind before then. This morning my brain is working at a 7 on the Bob scale but I have the ears ringing dizzy thing going on at the moment. Not a good sign but sometimes it just goes away. Other times it is a precursor to a slow down.

Yesterday I went and visited Allen. It can be hard to be a friend. He was flying and hard to talk with. I asked if he had taken some “medicine” (pain pills) and he said no. If he wasn’t he has some mental health issues. All I know is he would fixate on whatever he talked about and would wring it out till there was nothing left and still go. I had to tell him he was overloading me with information with little effect. Allen has a degree in marine biology and has a collection of shark teeth fossils that is impressive. He would hand me a tooth explaining what kind of extinct species it came from and then hand me another, each time giving me a dissertation. My hand would fill up so I would hand them back only to end up with another handful. He did this nonstop despite my telling him it was enough.

I helped him clean some things up but even that was hard. Allen is obsessive compulsive and everything has to be perfect. I took my camera with me to take pictures of his collection of knives and stuff. When I went to take pictures of some woodworking I had helped him do in the woodshop I had six years ago he tried to tell me how to do it.
Trying to get the camera from me to show me how to use it I told him “No”. With out blinking he kept on saying “Just let me show you how to do it? Use your Zoom”. I let him know I had taken hundreds of pictures with this camera and knew how to use it. He kept on. On the fifth NO I got pissed. “Allen, I’ve told you NO five times now. When I say NO I mean No so back off” he heard from me in no uncertain terms. This slowed him down though he expressed that he was just trying to help and couldn’t understand why I was getting so upset.


Here are just a few pictures of his stuff. He likes his dragons and the knives are all numbered collectors items. I made the two maple wall mounts with the antlers on them back in the days I was healthy.

Allen is a fascinating person who worked hard all his life and learned to be self sufficient long ago. Here is the wood he has stocked up for next winter. He heats entirely with wood in a wood burner he made from two 55 gallon drums. I want to make it clear that his problems with pain medication are as justified as they can get. His pain is severe and constant from many injuries as well as hard labor. He never sought medical help because of pride and no insurance. I am in the process of getting that fixed.

Just got back from taking Fred to the bank. He reminded me I was to take Barb to a church in Sylvania. I had not put that in my calendar and had forgotten as I do so it was good he brought it up. Called Barb to confirm things and it will be a squeeze because I just scheduled Wayne for his three days of infusions he is getting for the MS.

It is 12:00 now so I suppose I should fix breakfast.
-------------------------------------------------

It is 12:00 now so I suppose I should fix breakfast.

Never fixed breakfast. Forgot as I often do. When you seldom feel the sensation of hunger it is important to make sure you eat. Add short term memory loss to that and it is a wonder I am overweight.

It’s 2:00 now and I am at Dr. Rowan’s with Wayne. Wayne is fixating on whatever could possibly go wrong. It was the Aid’s test the doctor at MUO ordered and he worried that to death till I jumped down his throat “Wayne you have to control this. All your talking about is how scared you are you might have Aids”. “I can’t help it” he said so I told him he could, just had to force his mind to think about something else. I asked him “Who have you been with the last ten years?” and helped him understand he was being unrealistic because his lifestyle really didn’t put him at risk. Now Wayne is worrying himself over possible complications with the three day steroid infusion he will be taking this week. The doc said it could affect his diabetes so he would have to check his sugar four times a week. Wayne was talking about going into a diabetic coma so I reassured him the best I can. Wayne did thank me for getting tough over the Aids thing last week. He said it helped him wake up.

Now it is 4:00. I am not doing so well. Getting confused easily, tired, and have no patience. The cats incessant meows for attention are eliciting “Shut up” responses from me. Just got back from driving Wayne around. He gabbed and gabbed to the nurses at the doctors office. I could hear him from the waiting room. At first I put my hat on thinking he would be coming out any second. Not going to happen. I resisted going up to the window and telling him “Let’s go” because I know he doesn’t get to talk to people much. Took him to the grocery store where I rushed him to make a decision on what kind of baloney to buy. I felt bad about this impatience but that didn’t change things. Got Wayne’s food, took him home, and came straight home myself. My typing speed tells me I am running a 5 now on the Bob scale. Headache is moving up now. Think I’ll take some aspirin and a Tramadol and go to bed. The ears are ringing more. So much it is hard to hear out of the right one.

I am supposed to cook dinner tonight. Better get that figured out while I am still good enough to do so. Might be a rough evening. Never did eat.
------------------------------------------------

This is a rough one. I remembered Cherie had asked me to pick up a few things at the store. Of course that is after I took Wayne shopping. I just got back from Kroger where I picked up what was on the small list. It was hard to do. I am pretty dizzy and had to hang on to the shopping cart. Times like this are when I handle lots of sound and activity poorly. Glad the list was short. I went through the self check out line so I won’t have to deal with people. Forgot to take the aspirin and Tramadol so just did. Got the chicken in the oven and set the timer because I know I won’t remember I have something in the oven. It is hard to write because my thoughts get mixed up. Went ahead and took my second seizure pill a little early.

I think I will lay down and watch the Toledo news. City councilman Bob McCloskey just got convicted of bribery so will go to prison. The Father Robinson trial continues. For those of you not up on this he is a Catholic priest on trial for the ritualistic murder of a nun. She was stabbed some thirty two times with some of the wounds in the shape of an upside down cross. Texas promises to be much more sedate. That will be good for me as stress amplifies the effects of my brain injury.

7:19 We had dinner. It was pretty good. The headache has reached migraine level and I am running at a 4 on the Bob scale. Glad this happened at the end of the day or I should say when I got done helping Fred and Wayne. Cherie understands how this gets and that is a big help. We both depend on each other and would be lost without our companionship. Typing is real slow now. I’ll call it a night now.

Funerals bring thoughts

I am now keeping essentially two journals. It’s all in the same place on this laptop, just divided into two sections. One I will publish on the blog and the other that serves as a memory and documentation of my daily life. Part of that is not politically correct with some but I realized that in only writing what others will accept in my journal I defeat one of the purposes for keeping it. That is to use it as a key to unlock memories years from now. Perhaps I will publish the rest at a later date.

Now on to what I will put in the blog. Yesterday we went to the showing of Cherie’s aunt who died in Florida. This is a time when family members come from all around the country. It is a family reunion of sorts. “Oh my, is that you? The last time I saw you, you were this big” Cherie said holding her hand just above knee level as she addressed a kid who was 6’ 5” tall. There was a constant amazement on the part of all as they didn’t quite recognize someone they hadn’t seen in decades. Lots of “Oh my God” with hugs of amazement. Then they would catch up and also recount tales from the past. There was a laptop set up which had some two hundred plus pictures in it. It was cool as the pictures would change about every five seconds or so with it slowly zooming in or move on each picture. Groups would sit and watch, reliving the memories these pictures stirred up of Aunt Mackey. (The deceased) “Oh look. That’s a good picture. There’s (whoever was in the picture. They are all strangers to me). Remember when…”

As I watched I reflected on how this is something I will never really experience. There are few memories I have. Family reunions were never mentioned or thought of that I can remember. Do I have any cousins on my dad’s side of the family? I don’t have a clue. I am sure there must be one somewhere. The relations on my grandmothers side are there but I really don’t know many of them. I know I met several when I went to live with my grandmother but don’t really recall them. This is part of the loss from the brain damage but is mostly due to my not being around.



I have no childhood friends because of the constant moving I have experienced my entire life. At two years of age my mother sold me to my dad’s mother. At around five or six years old my father shows up with my stepmother and took my brother and I away.




The next ten years we lived in Dayton, Ohio, Spain, England, Florida, and San Antonio. I left home at fourteen and was sent to live with my grandmother, Minnie Lee (The one I inherited the farm from) At seventeen I joined the military service at the strong “encouragement” of a judge. (Do it or go to prison) At nineteen I went to prison. I came back to Minnie Lee’s for a year after my release and then went to Bible College in Dallas. It was there I met Cherie. I was married to Cherie six days before my 22nd birthday. We moved to Toledo about a year later. I have been in this area longer than I have been anywhere in my life with only a short jaunt to Colorado for a couple of years.

So I have no long term relationships. I am a stranger to my father, my sister, and to a lesser degree my brother. I talked of this with Cherie’s mom at the funeral home. She said “You were robbed of your childhood”. No argument there. I had a childhood but to say it was unsettled would be an understatement.

Despite our twenty year separation I have known Cherie longer than anyone else. We are only on our eighth year of living together counting the five years before the divorce and the three years since I woke from the coma but it seems like we were never apart. I suppose I would be stretching a bit here. I’ve known my father from the time he picked me up from my grandmother on his side but I left home eight years later. We barely talked since then. No wonder I was a wild child.

As I watched Cherie’s family join together for this funeral I was a little jealous. Going to Texas may give me a chance to meet family I don’t really know. There are a few I know on Minnie Lee’s side. My uncles, Troy and Delmer are two. Virginia is my second cousin and I know her better than anyone else in that side of the family because she was the one who took care of Minnie Lee and was executor of the estate. I also hope to renew (perhaps restore would be a better word) my relationship with my sister Robin and my father and step mom. My father is a long shot but I have never been daunted by the impossible.

We go to the funeral service today at noon. After there will be a dinner at some restaurant that holds memories for this family. Not sure what just overheard a comment about it. I didn’t really mix much yesterday, preferring the safety of solitude. It’s not that I hid I just stayed by Cherie’s side so she could introduce me. I am sure most were aware of me though there is no telling what they heard. Some of it would have been from the divorce twenty years ago. Everyone was real friendly and accepting. I detected no animosity at all. I reckon I am a little self conscious.
I took lots of pictures at the funeral home and had someone take one of Cherie and I. It came out pretty good I think.


I had a chance to sit and talk with Mom for maybe ten minutes. We covered a lot. I told her our dreams for the farm, how I was going to build it with getting old in mind. “I’ve watched many get old. I see the problems you and Ted have, I saw what my grandmother went through. I’m going to build this farm with that in mind. The house will be designed to work with us twenty years from now. We’re going to make it self sufficient so we can afford to live comfortably. It’s all going to be one level. Everything will be set because Cherie and I intend to grow old there together” I began.
I hope this reassures her that her daughter is in good hands and I hope she can relay that to dad. He had little to say and I would look up to find him just looking at me. Couldn’t decipher what was in his mind cause I don’t have the mind reading thing down yet but he didn’t look real cheerful. Of course it’s a funeral so that’s to be expected.

Time to post this. Be back with more, maybe. Knowing me I will get busy and forget.

Today we go to a funeral. Cherie's great Aunt.
There won't be much of a post today. I was asked not to publish what I wrote in my journal. Freedom of speech is not allowed in some quarters, neither is honesty. So I will put pictures my son in Iraq has been sending me. By the way, the Muslim got rid of the coke whore, or at least I think so. There is someone living in his broken down van in the parking lot. He no longer has much to say to me which works out well.