Racing the sun

11/22/08 Saturday
I didn’t finish getting the kennel and doghouse moved. Raced the sun and the sun won. Once it got too dark to see I quit but was quite tired by then anyway. Yesterday was Cherie’s last day at the temp job she had. She liked it but being on her feet all day was hard on her. She needs to see the chiropractor now.

It’s four o’clock now. So far it hasn’t been a fun day for me. Cherie said I woke up angry. That isn’t good news. When we met for lunch at Rosa’s she remarked about how glad she was I was doing better. I had just gotten the laptop “fixed” again at Best Buy so was happy. I don’t remember being angry, or much of anything else about this morning, and it bothered me to hear it. I reassured her I was doing better and came home while she continued her busy schedule of things to do in Midland.

First thing I did was turn the laptop on to see if it worked. It didn’t. Frustrated I tried to duplicate the steps I had the tech guy show me to enable the wireless. Despite carefully watching in order to remember I don’t. But at least I remembered the first two steps so eventually figured it out. Eventually being an hour or so. In great hope and anticipation I “enabled” the wireless and tried to go online. NO. It can’t pick up nothing, it just doesn’t work , just like it wouldn’t work before. I tried this, I tried that, I “restored”, I “unrestored”, I called the Best Buy tech guy, I cussed, I screamed, and I did it till 3:30 this afternoon.

While at Best Buy I picked up a wireless card for the desktop computer that had belonged to Eileen so we could go online with it as well. I decided to install it so I could verify the Lynksys broadband router was working. The CD player wouldn’t read the software disc to the computer so it won’t work. More frustration and anger.

Understand that this anger is part of the emotional control issues that come with a traumatic brain injury and is not good to see. Things have been rather unstable with me lately and that worries me. I can recognize what I’m doing but that doesn’t stop it. I don’t know if it’s because of more stress in my life or what. I just don’t like it. My leg has been giving me problems too, the paralysis is making itself known and my ability to control the leg has gotten worse.

I finally walked away from the computers and went out to work on the kennel for a while. Now I can’t find the pick axe, which I need. Crap. I could feel a slowdown coming so came inside to try and relax. So I’m writing this now. All of this is depressing, this lack of control, being unable to figure things out. I want to crawl into bed, close my eyes and wake up just feeling fine tomorrow. I’m tired. This is real hard on Cherie too and that upsets me. I love her and don’t want to be such a load.