Already October???

10/1/09 Thursday
It’s October already. Geese, where’s the time go. It’s going to hit about ninety degrees today and the humidity is up there, in the 80’s so I want to get as much outdoor work done as I can before it gets too nasty. Cherie had a nightmare last night that made her real sad. In it she married someone else. She’s had some rough days at work with things, like copiers, not working right so that’s stressed her out. We are beginning to start the day with prayer now. This is something new and another result of my seeking God and the slow restoration of my faith. I sure have a long way to go but at least am pointing in the right direction.

I’ll finish up the tractor work this morning. Just have a few more area’s to disc. We have some breathing room financially so I plan on buying rye seed to put down for fall. I never planted fall crops, just lost my heart after learning of how bad the water is. Our friend, Al, is in the water softening or treating business and tested our water while he and Wally were out looking at what it takes to repair the wall. He said that he has clients who’s water is three times worse than ours is. He primarily deals with the house water that you drink and cook with. We use bottled water for that. Our concern is farm irrigation and the long term effects of chloride buildups in the soil.

I want to drill my own water well and have devised a mental plan on how to do it. Before the invention of the drilling head that Howard Hughes patented they used to drill oil wells by pounding a bit through the ground. It was primitive but it worked. You can see an example of this at the petroleum museum in Midland. Just a pointed heavy piece of steel attached to a rope that was raised and dropped, thousands of times, and thus hammered its way through the dirt and rock. So I’m thinking I can set up an old windmill tower and hook up a rope and pulley at the top. Then I need to locate a piece of metal pipe and a solid chunk of steel that comes to a point. Finding that will be the hard part. I’m not in a hurry and really want to get in shape so figure that if I can just pound down three feet in a day I’d have it done in a year or so. Our current well is 91 feet deep so I’m guestimating that at the most I’ll have to go 120 or so feet deep. By the time I’m done I’ll look like some kind of body builder. This will probably not happen but it would be fun and interesting to try, plus a good work out. Besides it would save the three to four thousand dollars it costs to drill a well, and there’s no guarantee you’d find water if you do. If any of y’all have some old steel lying around I could use drop me an email.

That’s it for this morning.

Go to pre trial today

9/30/09 Wednesday
The business plan writing seminar didn’t add to our knowledge much but it did let me know that the university takes an active role in helping people create them so that we will definitely make use of. They’re having a seminar next week on marketing but I asked if it was going to be at the same level (teaching wise) as this one and she said it would so we’ll skip that. This seminar was geared at a grade school level it seemed, just touched basics. I could teach the marketing class and then some.

Today I go to pre trial for the traffic ticket I got a month ago. I hope to talk to the prosecutor and get it dismissed because I wasn’t speeding and know the radar picked up someone on the interstate thirty feet over.

This morning I plan on getting back on the tractor and doing as much as I can before it gets hot. The ticks are back again so I’ll vacuum and spray the house first. Found one crawling up the wall and one on a sock I’d just gotten out of my drawer. Ears are ringing a bit but that happens a lot. Have a headache rising up as well so it’s another typical day. Will take some aspirin and get moving.

An uncomfortable moment

9/29/09 Tuesday
I’ve been out on the tractor all morning. Don’t think I mentioned it but I got the tractor running. After all the frustrating attempts to remove the starter and taking other parts off to try and figure out why it wouldn’t start I had a brainstorm. Kind of. “What if the starter works just fine?” I questioned myself after discovering one part wasn’t connected to anything at all and hadn’t been for years. There is a myriad of wires all hard to see and impossible to tell where they came from. So I took a piece of high voltage house wire and attached it to where the main cable came to the starter. Then I took the other end and Jammed it into the positive terminal of the battery. It worked. What you are looking at is my new starter switch. You can see the scars where I jam it into the battery terminal. It’s not pretty but it works. So I have a tractor I can use again.

I had an uncomfortable moment yesterday, something different for me. As many of you know I’ve been struggling with faith ever since I woke from the coma. This is not unusual for survivors of TBI, a common problem with brain injuries. It’s just been hard to believe in something I can’t put my hands on and touch. But over the years, as I seek God earnestly, this faith is being slowly restored. Oh, I still have a long way to go but I’ve come a long way. So I was going to put a comment on a friend’s blog and found myself hesitating to talk about God, to even mention the name. The thought came that I would be seen as one of those religious zealots who talk about God all the time. You know, the kind of person that folks want to avoid. This is strange because up until now I’ve upset a lot of people because I say what I think without worrying about what people think of me. Suddenly this is a problem? I live in a world where everyone (Alright, not “everyone” but lots of people) wants to conform, to fit in with the crowd, to be popular and accepted. I see compromise and hypocrisy all around me where folks actions don’t match what they say. And now I’m hesitant to talk about God? Then I remember reading where Jesus said that if I was ashamed of Him before men He would be ashamed of me before the Father. So am I becoming a religious zealot? I search for God every day. I seek the truth. Either God is or He isn’t. No in between. If God is then nothing else matters but what matters to Him. Like it says in the book of Revelations, “I would that you were either hot, or cold, but because you are lukewarm I will spew you out of My mouth”. That’ll sit you back and make you think.

So there’s a glimpse of the struggle within folks. Got to get gas for the tractor and pick up mail. This evening we go to UTPB and take a free class on writing business plans.

Working on the testimony

Click to enlarge

9/27/09 Sunday
We went to church and now we’re spending the rest of the day getting ready for tomorrow. Cherie ran to Midland to pick up some blank CD’s I can put pictures on for the testimony we’re giving tomorrow. I need to run out and start a fire to smoke some ribs on so be back.

I’m not to sure how that’s going to work out, considering I really don’t know what I’m doing and don’t remember the lessons learned from the last time I tried to smoke meat. But we’ll see. I think it turned out fine before.

So back to the testimony, There’s an open invitation to all of you readers of this blog. First Baptist of Midland is at the corner of Louisiana and Garfield. The fellowship hall is at the north side of the church. Lunch starts at 11:45 and only costs $5.00. If you want to skip lunch and just catch us we start talking at 12:30. It’s a fantastic story that we live every day. I am still amazed when I look up and see Cherie standing, or laying, next to me. Just blows me away. So come and see a living miracle.
The car I was killed in. Flung out the back window and declared dead at the scene

Reaching through clouds

This is a real rough day. It’s like reaching through a cloud and trying to grab something you can’t see. I have a headache too and that doesn’t help. I’ve gone out to work on the tractor a few times now but don’t get far. I tried to work on the business plan with the same result. I ran to town for mail and picked up a couple of burritos. Just sitting there listening to the people making the food was like being in a cloud where I had to struggle to follow the conversation. It’s frustrating to become so stupid, where simple things become hard. Hope it passes. Suppose it’s part of the brain injury. But I’ve been so much better. Don’t want to go backwards. Just want to fall asleep and wake up better. Hope dad’s ok.
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I went out and took another piece off the tractor. Just couldn’t stand not doing anything. It was hard to reach and hard to see. As far as I could tell it was a central part in the electrical maze/system that I was certain I saw wires leading from it to the starter. After finally getting it off I discovered there were no wires connected to it at all, at least not any more. That there had once been is certain but in the years of southern engineering this tractor has gone through since then it had long since been bypassed. Another moment of frustration as I reach through clouds. I put my tools up. I had left them out in the rain so they were getting rusty. One good thing about working indoors on the business plan is that I haven’t needed to take any pain pills for days. But I hurt now. It’s not hot out but I seem to be getting sweaty and warm, then cold.

Strange day, Dad's not doing well

9/25/09 Friday
Strange day, lots on my mind. My dad isn’t doing well. Physically he has stabilized but the doctors put him on anti depressants because of the deep sadness that has come over him. My sister said that he doesn’t always make sense and is hard to talk to. I emailed her and asked if I can come down and try to cheer him up. Considering that I am probably a source of his sadness that might or might not be good. So I will plod on out here. Work on this, work on that, and think.

In search of God

9/24/09 Thursday
I went out to work on the tractor but it’s raining. It isn’t supposed to rain. This means I work on the business plan. Whether it’s a painful toe or now this rain it seems that I am constrained to focus on this and my writing. I have a big problem with people who interpret every little thing as a sign from God, who spiritualize everything. In doing so they often go down wrong paths. For me, I continue to seek God. This morning I read Ezekiel 16 for my morning bible reading. Ezekiel is a graphic book to say the least. The chapter is a prophesy to Jerusalem and in it I see parallels to my own life. In Jerusalem’s youth she followed the ways of God and then, after growing older and wealthier she became the “harlot” and chased after all the world. But in the end God restored her, and did so because of the promise He had made in her youth. Atonement was the word used in the last verse, atonement provided by the Lord. And Jerusalem was ashamed because of her past. These things I can relate to. I was a minister, a pastor, and I turned back to my old ways only was worse because I was successful and had the means. So now I am ashamed and pay a price for those life choices. When I went to pray my dogs both came to me longing for pets, licking my face and putting their heads under my hands. In this I see how I long for God too. I pray and plead for His touch but am uncertain if God is there. But I will continue to seek Him no matter what my rational mind says. And things continue to come together in a way rationality can’t explain. Yesterday a stranger gave us a $160.00 check. I haven’t met him, the check was delivered by someone else we know from church. We don’t ask for money or advertise but when things get tight or there is a need funds appear or the need is met. This came when we needed it, out of the blue and without warning. It reinforces in my mind that God has a plan for us, a specific plan and path He mapped out long ago. And He is guiding us on that path despite my ignorance and doubts. So it’s muddy and rainy out thus I will work on the business plan and write instead of working outside.

Cherie and I will be telling our story

9/23/09 Wednesday
Today I’ll be working outside, mostly getting things cleaned up for when friends come over to fix the wall. The big toe doesn’t hurt as bad so that helps. Still don’t have a clue what that’s about. Someone on Facebook suggested it might be gout. I’ve heard the word but have no idea what it is and don’t care to look it up right now. Too much to do as always. I’m dizzy and having a hard time deciding what to do outside, and my ears are ringing more than usual. Not unusual. I made some progress on the business outline. Can’t really call it a plan at this level so outline is more accurate. I’m going to try and attend a business plan writing seminar at UTPB. Someone on Facebook sent me the info after reading my entry there. I’m not sure what the “T” stands for but it’s University xxx Permian Basin I think.

I’m kind of slow this morning. Hope it clears up. Regardless I’m pushing through. By the way, on September 28 Cherie and I will be telling our story at a prayer luncheon held at the Midland First Baptist Church. We’d like to invite all of you to come. There will be photographs displayed during the presentation to help illustrate the miracle of our life and what we’ve been through in order to get here. They will serve lunch at 11:45 and it only costs $5.00. If you plan to come leave a comment or drop me an email at bobcarver2@yahoo.com. That will help them make sure there is enough food in case a thousand of y’all decide to show up. Cherie and I will begin giving our testimony at 12:30 so you could wait till then to show up if you want. It’s a powerful story folks, a wonderful testimony of God’s mercy, grace, and love that shows how He can raise a man and marriage from the dead and restore life. This will be the first time we have done this and we are looking forward to it. Another ministry recently asked us to share our story also. So maybe it’s time for that. But you are all welcome to come. It will be in the fellowship hall on the north side of the church. Email if you need more info or directions.
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It’s a struggle. Hard to concentrate. We were woken at 4:30 by coyotes howling and I went out to make sure Ben and Gretchen didn’t go out and become victims of them. Never made it back to sleep. I’m frustrated by how hard it is to do something simple like clean and sweep the veranda. My thoughts are going everywhere but here. Came in to get something to drink. Didn’t want to do that for fear I wouldn’t get back out to work. It’s seemed like something has been fighting my every move for weeks now. If it’s not one obstacle it’s another. What I want to do I don’t and what I don’t want to do I do. Is it a spiritual thing? That’s another area I struggle with, my rational mind against that which is irrational. So I pray for answers. Always. Some of this is remnants of the brain injury making themselves known. I’ve come so far. There was a time where everything was confusion and deciding to go to the bathroom was a task. Hope this passes soon.

I'm not going to answer the door

9/22/09 Tuesday
It’s cold. The first day of fall came in with a chill wind and a dramatic drop in temperature. Yesterday it got to 94 degrees and last night dropped to 45. Today’s high will only get up to 64 or so. I’ll need to dig out the electric space heaters now. Fall is only a couple of months long before winter comes so it’s time to prepare. I was going to remove the wood stove in order to make room for those who were going to repair where our wall burned two years ago but am glad I didn’t get to it now. It doesn’t look like that will happen and that I’ll be needing to fire it up to heat the house before too long. I do need to locate more firewood if I can. There was a place that had piles of it from where trees had been cleared but every time I stopped by no one was home. I left notes but got no reply and now the wood is all gone.

My toe is still painful, making walking a chore. Don’t have a clue what caused it, just hurts down in the bone or joint real bad. If it’s not better in a few days I probably should go see the doctor at the VA hospital. But this is causing me to concentrate on the writing I need to do so that’s good. I’m starting my days out with prayer and reading the bible now as I continue to seek God. There is such a conflict inside when it comes to that.

I need to run to Midland today and plan on getting Cherie’s truck while there. With it I can transport a big box of old video tapes to a friends house so he can pick out whatever is there he might want. Then I need to get a load of horse manure from the old man. That will be tough with this bad toe but needs to be done. I never planted any fall crops. Just gave up on that after learning how bad the water is. But despite that I’m still collecting manure to condition the soil. Why? Hell, I don’t know. I refuse to give up but lost my enthusiasm. That makes it hard to keep going. Now the tractor won’t start and there’s a lot of work it needs to do. Sounds like depression is knocking at the door but I’m not going to answer it. Once you let depression in it’s hard to get rid of. That’s a fight I’ve been battling for years now.

Got to go.
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I had to get a flannel shirt out and put it on as it’s getting chilly. All the animals are on the bed with me so that makes things cozy and warm. If I can get one of them to lay across my feet it would be perfect. I heated up the last cup of coffee but that didn’t last long. By the way folks, Rascal is recovering well from his leap out of the truck. He had us worried for days as he wouldn’t get up or go anywhere but once he started going outside he picked right up. Poor Trixie was depressed and lonely till then as her brother is her main play (and fight) partner but she sure perked up when Rascal started going out. The bond between Rascal and I is deep so it perked me up too. Nate’s (Cherie’s nephew) dog, Maple, is in bad shape and may need to be put down. It’s a hard thing and hard on Nate as well. I can sure feel for him on that. I’ve had several dogs in my life that have passed on due to old age or other causes so it doesn’t hit me quite as hard now, though it still “hits”, but this is Nate’s first dog. I hope Maple pulls through Nate, Ok? Will pray for her, best I can do from here.

So it’s back to business plan work.

Someone stole our melons

9/20/09 Sunday
I woke up with my left big toe hurting real bad. Can’t remember hitting it on anything, the only thing I can remember is stepping on stickers. Cherie said it looked swollen. I am no longer taking the seizure medicine and can’t detect a difference. I still have periods of ringing ears and lightheadedness and at times have a harder time forming my thoughts. But that’s no different than when I took the medicine. However I feel like I’m more clearheaded in my thinking, not doped up. Wish I could figure out this toe. Makes walking real painful. Is this God’s way of making me stay in and work on the business plan? Doubtful. It seems that everything I want to do is blocked by something, that there is always a distraction or obstacle in the way.

Last week Cherie said she thought she heard voices outside at around 11:30 at night but I was sleeping so she didn’t want to wake me. I wish she had now. Seems that someone stole every cantaloupe and melon we had, both ripe and unripe. They just cleaned it out. We hear the dogs bark all the time and are so used to it we ignore them. Plus they aren’t the type that will attack anyone. I got Cherie’s gun out and cleaned it up to see if it would work any better. No. It still jams up. But at least you can get one shot off. Cherie is unable to jack the slide back so I now leave it ready to fire with the safety on despite my training that this is wrong. It doesn’t do any good if she can’t fire it and the whole idea is for her to be able to protect herself out here in the country. Having people sneak on the property and steal doesn’t sit well. Eventually we need to invest in a gun that works. A shotgun would be nice, something small that Cherie can operate.

That’s it for now.
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I took the trash to the landfill and picked up mail. After that I ran to the courthouse, turned in the jury summons paperwork, and explained to the judge that I had to appear in Midland court for a traffic ticket on the same day I was to appear for jury duty so he excused me. Then I picked up a hamburger at the drug store and came home. The toe is killing me for certain, but despite that I figured I’d climb on the tractor and disc under some weeds. Not going to happen, at least not now. The battery was too weak to start the tractor and even after I put jumper cables on it from my truck it still won’t start. Some would say things like this are the devil trying to stop you or even God. Beats me. I just know that I want to work and can’t seem to. But I do need to focus on the business writing. There’s an urgency there that I shouldn’t ignore. Just having my foot down makes the toe pound so I am laying back in bed with it up. The pain pills don’t seem to be doing much at all. I left the truck running to charge up the tractor battery so will go see if that’s helped any.
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It looks like the starter has gone bad. It doesn’t even click now. Hope starters for 1959 Massey Ferguson tractors aren’t too hard to find or too expensive. So I’m in for the day. I have lots of writing to do. Ron encouraged me to get to work on my book, mentioning that memories fade with time. Strangely enough my memories seem to be coming alive. The REO concert brought back a whole lot of them. They started out at the University of Illinois in Champaign during the early seventies and mentioned that several times. That’s when I was stationed at Rantoul AFB in Illinois during my training. We would all go to Champaign on the weekends to party. I don’t remember seeing REO but I did see Foghat in concert there. Those days were a self induced haze as I did every drug I could get my hands on in addition to drinking like a fish. In fact I would buy LSD made by one of the university lab students in Champaign. There are some stories from that time for sure.

It's back to work time

9/18/09 Friday
After totally removing the wiring harness from the rear of Cherie’s truck and going through everything several times I discovered that the light bulb began to work after I wiggled it in the socket. It wasn’t a moment of over joyous elation. By then it was getting dark and I was done working on anything so I put everything back together and went inside to eat the pizza Cherie had heated up earlier. The brake light still doesn’t work on that side but at least the turn signal does, or at least it did when Cherie left for work this morning. I can run a company, or at least did and think I still can, but fixing a light on a truck was a chore.

Spent a lot of time this morning digging up some pictures I had taken of my friend Allen’s legs when he blew himself up in a professional fireworks accident four or so years ago. He’s the one who suffers chronic pain is one of hundreds of those who’s doctors have been run out of town by overzealous DEA agents who have been harassing them because they dared prescribe pain medications for those who actually need them. They seem to think that any doctor who prescribes pain medications is a criminal and even followed Allen’s doctor’s family around in marked cars riding their bumpers to intimidate them. For months they did this on top of search warrants and contacting all of the pharmacies and hospitals he was related to. So Allen is desperately searching for another doctor and can use the pictures to verify his injuries. I talked to Suzie a couple of weeks ago and she told me that many doctors have been fired because of this and that the whole area is in turmoil.

I suppose I should eat. Tried fasting yesterday but it didn’t work well. I can do the praying part of it but get pretty lightheaded when I don’t eat. Kind of lightheaded now. It’s going to be a busy day. I need to see the VA guy this afternoon so will run by there when I go to Midland to poop scoop. Then it’s pea picking time. Money is real tight as our car insurance is due. I think we pay it twice a year or quarterly, don’t know but it’s a chunk. Plus we spent some when Ron and Paula were in town so that crimped the budget some. So we’ll pick peas for the farmer’s market and that will help. Cherie’s going to help me pick some when she gets off work. It hurts her to do so but she’s like me and won’t let a little pain stop her. I like the fact that I can earn the money. It always bothers me when some we know assume that we are asking for a handout whenever we call or email them. It reveals a perception or judgment of us. Once someone develops that perception it colors or stains every contact they have with the other individual. There doesn’t seem to be much I can do to change that. I just hate to be seen as a mooch.

Our friends are gone

9/17/09 Thursday
Our friends are gone now. It was with great sadness I saw them off at the airport. But it was sadness mixed with joy. There is so much to say. I’m starting a private journal where I can record thoughts that won’t be shared with the world. Been needing to do this for a while.

Ron Charles was Cherie’s Sunday school teacher so that’s where the connection began. Many of you know the story of how Cherie and I met and fell in love at Christ for the Nations Bible Institute, for those who don’t follow the “Love Story” link on the right. Ron was in our wedding, that would be our first wedding. I had the privilege of being a founding member of the church he built. He would take me out street witnessing to the drug addicts and prostitutes in downtown Toledo. Pretty much the real deal, nothing fake about Ron then or now. So we built a church that’s still there now, New Life Assembly, in Oregon, Ohio. Ron was there as our marriage was torn apart by forces we could not control. It ripped his heart out as bad as it did ours. There was so much pain and heartache during that time, so much. So Cherie left town and I left God. Now, over twenty years later, things are being restored in ways I could never have imagined. These last three days are another chapter in that restoration. Hearing the things Ron is doing for the Lord, the sacrifices he makes along with his wife Paula as they minister to Muslim’s who have converted to Christianity is helping to restore my faith in the God I once served. That is the last and largest restoration that needs to be completed.

I am tired now so will rest.
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I’ve been working on Cherie’s truck all day now. Her turn signal and the brake light on the passenger side quit working when Ron and Paula came but we were too busy with them for me to fix it. Well fixing it isn’t coming easy. The light bulbs all work just fine so something else is wrong. I’ve pulled the wires loose and tested them with the ohm meter but don’t understand how to interpret the readings. Then I found a light bulb that was burned out in the front and hoped that was the source of the problem. Nope, not going to happen. Then I thought that perhaps the trailer lights plug I’d hooked up was the cause so I cut it off. I had the lights on when I did it and all the lights on the passenger side turned off, the ones in the back. The front lights still work. So I’m stumped. I came in, fixed a piece of bread with peanut butter and honey on it and laid down to think. I hadn’t eaten lunch before thinking of fasting as I sought God but wasn’t doing too hot as it was so ate. Now that I’ve sat back for a bit I’ll go work on the lights again.

Too much to do

9/14/09 Monday
Ron and Paula’s flight is scheduled to arrive at 1:45 today. We are too embarrassed about the condition of the house to have them over but have been cleaning anyway. We’ve had lots of rain over the last few days. Always welcome. That’s it. Too much to do to write.

Ron and Paula will be here tomorrow

9/13/09 Sunday
Ron and Paula are arriving tomorrow so it’s panic to get ready time. Paula is allergic to cats so hopefully won’t want to come in the house. This is hard on Cherie as she is embarrassed about how not picked up things are. I guess this is normal for most women, to worry about things like that. I don’t have any room to talk because I’m cleaning things up outside too. Been having more slowdowns. It seems that about a half hour after I take my seizure meds I get the dizzy disorientated feelings that come with a slowdown so have to wonder if it’s the meds themselves. I’m just about weaned from them so this will be my last day.

It’s cool enough that I had to wear a long sleeve shirt. Winter’s on the way and fall is here. I haven’t gathered enough firewood for the winter yet so that needs to be raised up on my agenda. My pain level is pretty high right now, partly because of picking peas for the market. After the farmer’s market we went to the Southwest Museum’s art festival. It was nice to find a taste of what we were used to back in Ohio. Walking and standing for the two or three hours we were there was hard on me too and adds to the pain level today. I’m still a little slow, thick headed is a way I put it when like this.

9/11, Satanic religion, cocaine

Storms coming and already here. This picture of yesterday's rains sure fits this post.

9/11/09 Friday
This date requires an acknowledgement of the attack on our country and our beliefs. So I bow in respect of those who died and are now dying in our battle against Islamic extremists. With that said I must express my thoughts on them. Islam is a religion of hate and intolerance, period. Even in it’s “mild” forms the foundation, the teachings in it’s Quran advocate death to all who disapprove and do not submit to it. Deceit is also a tenet of this religion and one of the attributes proudly espoused about allah is that he is “The great deceiver”. All forms of Islam publicly and openly advocate taking over the world for their religion. But they often put on a face for the world to see of peace and love and hide the truth. Except the extremists, who openly hate and kill even each other. It boggles my mind at how the world closes their eyes and refuses to see what is openly right in front of them and chooses to believe lies. It is scary to see how countries are easily bought and manipulated like foolish children by Islamic countries that control so much oil. It’s like a heroin addict who will do anything for his drugs.

Islam is satanic. It is a psychotic deranged religion that fosters mental illness as it’s converts (it’s the fastest growing religion in the world) delve deeper into it. In this case mental illness is a communicable disease spreading from one to another. Fact is that just by saying this I am to be killed, would be under a death sentence from the extremists. Fear is one of their weapons and it seems that the leaders of the world tremble. The best way to fight this isn’t with guns, though that is necessary, but with the truth to expose the lies it teaches to all who listen. Fight hate with the love of Jesus Christ.

So with that said, it’s a pea picking day. There’s rain coming this afternoon and it’s forecast to rain tomorrow. The forty pounds of peas I picked Sunday are now rotted. Twenty of them were for someone who ordered them online. He said he had to take his wife to the hospital so perhaps that’s why he didn’t keep his word. It didn’t set well with me regardless for picking the peas was the course that led to Rascal’s getting hurt so bad. He’s surviving but in great pain. Plus picking peas is painful for me and I picked them specifically for this guy. But pain is a part of my life and something I refuse to let stop me, though it certainly can slow me down. So I’m heading out now to pick peas for we have bills to pay. Hope the market does well tomorrow morning despite the chance of rain. Let me encourage you to come, not just for my blackeyed peas but for all the other great stuff you can find there. It’s at downtown Midland on the corner of Texas and Marienfield. The market starts at 9:00 and runs to 1:00. Get there early if you can cause I usually sell out quickly.

I talked to Suzie yesterday. For those of you who may not know Suzie is Eileen, my former secretary’s daughter. Eileen was murdered last year. She was the closest friend I had and her family is like my family. I do the best I can for them though being fifteen hundred miles away makes that hard. Suzie told me that her brother, Bobby, is doing cocaine. How I wish I was there to knock some sense into him. Bobby is an alcoholic to start with and has three kids. The alcoholism already made life miserable for the entire family and his wife has joined him in it so it was a sad sad situation to start with. Just tears your heart out to watch.

Now there’s cocaine. Who knows how long this has been going on but it doesn’t matter. They constantly have the electricity and other utilities being turned off due to non payment of the bills and often don’t have food on the table for these young children. The only way Bobby can be supporting his drug and alcohol addictions is through criminal activity. How I wish I was there. Suzie hasn’t done what she needs to in order to collect her mother’s life insurance. I don’t want it to sound as a put down but Suzie doesn’t have the mental or emotional capability to do so. She can’t read and can’t handle the emotions created by bringing this up. Her ability to deal with others is worse than mine was immediately after my brain injury so sometimes has difficulty even mailing a package at the post office. My hope is to be able to afford to go there around thanksgiving when we get the CRP check and help them work through that. Talking to Bobby will be tough and I probably won’t get through to him, but I have to try. Maybe he will try to get help for the sake of his kids.

It’s already 1:00, or at least will be in twelve minutes. It took me a good part of the morning to finish writing and posting the blog along with facebook, email, and other internet stuff. With the power jack on this laptop being well worn it slips out easily. Because the battery no longer works at all that means it shuts the whole computer down and I lose anything I was working on. That happened this morning and doesn’t take long for it to get old. So that slowed things down. I get done and head outside to pick peas only to find that it’s raining. Then, to top it off, I’m having a slowdown. Seems that the cycle of slowdowns is on the upswing now. That’s how it goes. I’ll go for a while with none and a gratefully sharp mind and then it’s a series of these events. It will probably last for a week or two. There doesn’t seem to be a change based on my reducing the medication but we are carefully watching.

Will Dad die before we talk? It's close.

My father, holding me

9/10/09 Thursday
I got a letter from my sister last night. Dad has pneumonia, this time in the other lung from the one he had it in last time. Really not good. He is already incredibly weak and has been bedridden for some time now from the last bout with pneumonia and then the chemotherapy. It is hard. After thirty years we finally are starting to talk. Well we had one short conversation on the phone. But there is hope of restoring the relationship between a father and son and the real possibility exists he may die in the next few days before this can happen. So pray. You know I am for sure.

There’s not much else important to me right now. We’ve had lots of rain and there is more on the way so that should help clean the soil. I might put some seeds out, I might not. Weeds I’ll chop for sure. Today I must run to Midland and drop off some stuff to the Texas Veteran’s guy for our dispute with the VA. There was something else I need to do while in town but can’t remember right now. Oh yeah, I must get canned dog food that I can mix Rascal’s medicine in.

I’ve been thinking on things of God a lot lately. Reading the old testament about the history of Israel and their constant need to separate themselves from the evils that surrounded them. How they would let the habits and practices of the people around them creep in and become a part of their lives. This would always lead to a separation from God and to destruction. There are some really not pretty pictures there.

So I will work and meditate today. Think on these things as I chop down weeds.

Anger, corruption, cancer, death

I haven’t picked peas or worked on the business plan. Instead I’ve been researching Dr. Burzynski, who’s breakthrough cancer treatments have been severely squashed by our very corrupt FDA. I heard about him on GLC’s housecall program featuring Dr. Scott. Because my father is dying of brain cancer and that the chemotherapy is so devastating I latched on to their mention of this treatment. What an incredible story I found of the greed and heartlessness of the mega corporations who make billions in the treatment of cancers, and have placed their people in key positions of the government. Thus they have literally sent children to their death by denying, no forbidding under penalty of the law, them treatment from Dr. Burzynski. Folks, this is OUR country, the FDA and other government agencies ostensibly work for us. Obama and congress say they are fixing health care but choose to be blithely unaware of these activities by those who are immune from criminal prosecution. God this makes me mad as I learn of these things. Please check this out and if you can make it as public as you can. It is through publicity and our voice/vote that these things can be changed. When you shine a light and expose darkness the rats run for cover. Here’s Dr. Burznski’s site http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/

Here’s just one of the many testimonies of this issue. http://www.whale.to/cancer/burzynski.html
I encourage you to look into this as deep as you can, especially if you know someone battling cancer.

http://www.ouralexander.org/burzynski.htmThis one will break your heart

More links http://www.jpands.org/hacienda/blevins1.html

Another short post

9/9/09 Wednesday
Fixed the power supply. It was another short in the cord. One less thing to worry about. We had more rain yesterday and it looks like there is some coming around Saturday as well. That’s good of course. I sure wish we had it set up to capture the rain water but like everything that will have to wait on funds. Speaking of that our money is real low again so I’m planning on picking peas and setting up a roadside stand in Midland to sell them. I’ll need to go to the FSA office and look up who the farmer is that has the fresh peas near us to get permission to pick them first.

The weather is cooling off as fall arrives. I never planted fall crops, just lost my enthusiasm after learning of the water being bad. Besides that I haven’t been keeping up well, probably due to fighting depression. But at least I made progress on the business plan synopsis. I’ll focus on that today again though I need to take a pain pill and pick peas so we can pay some bills. Sure wish it didn’t hurt so much to pick them but that’s the way it is. It’s another short post so bye.

Rascal's gonna be fine

The doc says we got lucky with Rascal. No doubt in my mind about that. He doesn’t have any internal injuries, mostly some badly torn skin. The worst spot is near his anus. Pardon the vulgarity but Rascal pretty much tore himself a new A—hole. That part is where any potential danger lies because of it’s proximity to the fecal matter he defecates. Because of that the chance of infection is high. So we have antibiotics and some stuff to clean the wounds with, along with a hefty vet bill. To bad the guy who ordered the blackeyed peas that Rascal jumped out of the truck after I got done picking, didn't buy them. Sure could have used the extra money. She had to totally knock Rascal out in order to inspect and clean the wounds. He evidently hit the dirt road ass first and dug up some dirt in the process. Doc had to make an incision there so the pocket created can drain. But, other than being sore and stiff, he’s ok.

It looks like rain outside. Sounds like it too with lots of thunder. I went out to check and if we’re lucky one of the storms will make it over this farm. We had rain a couple of days ago too. This will help me a lot when it comes to fighting the sticker grass and weeds. “How so?” You might ask. Well, strangely enough I want the weeds to grow and the millions of seeds they have made to germinate. Once they get going I can disc them under, ideally before they make new seeds. If I can do this a couple of times I’ll have a big start on getting rid of the sticker grass. If the funds are available I’ll try to put in seven hundred or so pounds of grain rye before winter gets here. This will go a long way in competing with the weeds and also for enhancing the quality of the soil.

It rained. I’m slowing down pretty hard right now. It’s 6:07. Trying to formulate these sentences is a challenge.

This poor old laptop is giving me fits again. It totally died while I was typing the previous paragraph. Kind of like it did when I lost the motherboard. Fortunately when I plugged it in to Cherie’s power supply it works so evidently mine is at fault. I’ve repaired the cord in three places where the cats or dogs chewed it. So far I’ve replaced the hard drive, LCD screen, and now the motherboard. The case is bent, the latches no longer work on the top, and the finish has worn through where my hands rest on it. Oh, and the batteries been dead for a year now. It’s had a hard four plus years but keeps going, with a lot of maintenance. It scared me when it shut down. I lost about an hours worth of writing on the business plan but was able to recover most of it.

Cherie’s having one of those days at work and called me to say she didn’t know when she would get home so find something to eat in the fridge. Tuesday’s are always her hard days as that’s when she must get the church newsletter or bulletin out. Not sure what to call it. I’m sure the labor day holiday didn’t help.

Hope I clear up. Don’t have too many slowdowns these days so this one is more frustrating because of that. Got a headache coming on as I write. All part of the picture. So that’s it. Going to grab a bite to eat and lay down, after I pet Rascal some.

Taking Rascal to the vet

9/8/09 Tuesday
I’m taking Rascal to the vet at noon today. He’s not eating or drinking and can barely get up. Not good and we are worried for sure. I’m working on getting speaking engagements for my friend, Dr. Ron Charles, while he’s here to appear on the GLC Christian television network. He will be speaking at the Community Prayer and Share luncheon at 11:30 in the Red Sun Restaurant, 3001 John Ben Shepperd Parkway in Odessa. This will be on September 16th, which is a Wednesday. We will have a reception for him at a friend from church’s house Tuesday night. If you would like information on Ron and his ministry drop me an email at bobcarver2@yahoo.com

So this is a short post. Still working on the business plan thing. It’s not really a full plan but a sort of synopsis of what can be. I’ll have to run to the landfill this morning and get rid of our trash. It’s a shame Rascal can’t go as this is one of his favorite things to do.