Off to a start

7/28/08 Monday
We are off to the start of another week. The farmer’s market Saturday went well and we sold out again, though not as quick as before. There were two ladies who love blackeyed peas but were traumatized in childhood by being forced to shell them so didn’t want to get ours. One elderly couple asked if we were from Stanton and he then said he read my blog on occasion. I wonder if he has been offended by what I’ve written and just came to see who I was. But I suppose that’s the paranoia I often must fight kicking in. They bought some of the peas. We had three or four spaghetti squash as well and a couple of bags of okra too. It sure feels good to begin reaping the benefits of my hard work. Helps with the frustration I often have.

Sunday was a high pain day. I had gone out in the morning and picked beans and some okra for Ed. Maybe I picked it the night before, I don’t remember. That’s one of the strange things with the memory. I can remember an event but seem to be unable to put a time stamp on it. Ed had come to the farmer’s market and missed out on the okra. We had quite a talk on biblical doctrines connected to the Sunday school lesson that was coming up. Part of that discussion was on the messianic Jew movement and some teachings related to that. We touched on the eternal security doctrine of the Baptist church but I backed off on that, not wishing to cause any dissension. I’m careful about that regarding church doctrines though I seem to have caused a lot of problems on personal levels.

One of the first things we did this morning was cancel the website thing we had bought from Stores Online as well as severing our relationship with two of their sister companies. The $37.00 charge we had tried to stop last week came through this morning. It’s a shame this didn’t work out. It all sounded so good at the seminar but it seems that it was all designed to suck you in and start a process of milking you for all they can get. We never got the website designed. It’s something that we will need as this farm grows but that will have to wait for now.

The hundred degree days are back. I’ve been out working this morning, trying to take advantage of the coolness of the morning but it’s warming up quick now. I’ll go as long as I can. The air conditioner on Cherie’s car isn’t working now. It’s been getting weak but yesterday just blew hot air. I need to charge it up. That’s something I know how to do, kind of. I know it’s not hard and finding directions on how is easy too. I’ve done it before but like everything must relearn.

Cherie’s tooth is bothering her again. It’s a constant problem that shows up quite a bit nowadays. It gets infected all the time and that goes up into her sinuses, causing lots of pain and making her sick. One of the things we look forward to, if she finds a full time job, is getting medical benefits, though dental is a rarer part of that. We just haven’t had the cash to get the work done and it seems that dentists won’t look at you unless you have the cash up front. Debbie at church gave us a lead for dental help for folks like us who are poor.

It’s kind of strange to use the term “poor” for yourself. At least for me it is. I don’t know why, I’ve been poor many times in my life, but I’ve been affluent too. I touched on that when talking to Ed at the farmer’s market. It was a response to his comment about folks who are enamored with possessions. I told him how my outlook on life was drastically changed by the accident. “When you go from owning two companies with one hundred and twenty seven employees to being homeless and carrying all your worldly possessions in a garbage bag you learn what is important. I have a roof over my head, food, and clothing. With that I am content”. He said I should be giving my testimony and the fact is I would love to. I’m not excited to talk about my perseverance or anything that I do because I’m not impressed with myself at all. I know too many others who deal with problems that make mine look silly to brag on myself. But telling of what God has done in our lives is different. That I’ll do anytime, for giving God glory is a good thing.

What a paradox I am, I struggle to “know” that there is a God yet it is my great hope and goal in life to live in a way that pleases God. Hebrews, chapter eleven says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” My problem is that I can’t see God, can’t touch or feel Him so I don’t know as a certainty that He is yet it is my hope. So based on that hope I act. I suppose that is what Hebrews is talking about. I don’t know that either. It is my daily prayer, to have that assurance, to know beyond a shadow of doubt that God is. When I woke from the coma that wasn’t there. Whether the portion of the brain that had that assurance was damaged or what I don’t know. It just wasn’t there anymore. Does that make me bad? I told Ed that I was like the disciple, Thomas, who needed to put his hand in the wound on Jesus’ side to believe.

It’s hot now. I just got back from Midland where I recharged Cherie’s air conditioner in the parking lot of where she works. I suppose I should take my two o’clock nap because I sure am tired. All the animals are crashed out so I might as well join them. What a menagerie we have, five cats and two dogs. The kittens are growing fast as should be expected. We are starting to find presents on the veranda, two birds and a couple of lizards. No mice or rats yet and certainly no gophers, but the cats are still young and we bring them in at night so they don’t become coyote food.