A little break to de stress

I’m working on the business plan with the formats or whatever you call it, that SBDC emailed me. It’s frustrating to get so easily confused when it comes to understanding how to use it. I started by deleting where it said “Company name” and typed in Westbrook Farms. But as I proceeded I found that I was deleting the instructions, for instance under Executive Summary where it says “Explain the fundamentals of the proposed business”, and inserting what they requested. I just realized that I can’t do this, I can’t because I won’t remember what it said. So now I understand I need to start a separate page side by side that I fill out.

It’s such a simple thing, at least for most people, but it took me this long to comprehend it and it leaves me feeling stupid. Plus this is the kind of thing that contributes to my brain slowing down, becoming overloaded so to speak. I know what I want to do, just need a little help understanding little things like this, a little guidance. I’ve got a brain filled with the complexities of the business plan but have a hard time figuring out how to do the simple thing like following an outline. It’s so hard to be both smart and stupid at the same time, to be an adult operating with the cognizance of four year old child in some areas. And it’s hard for others to understand this, to comprehend the complexities of a traumatic brain injury when on the outside I appear normal.

They have no idea of how I must examine and review what I see and hear, of how I struggle to insure that I interpret what I hear correctly, and often fail at that. Someone recently told me “You’re a pain in the ass”. They are a friend and I presumed they were joking with me so replied “I know I am” but have been worrying about it ever since, especially after seeing the look on his face when I replied. The problem is I don’t interpret facial expressions well and often totally miss jokes, not getting them at all or even understanding they were a joke. This is common with us survivors of brain injuries, not unusual at all. The comic strip, Doonesbury, now regularly features a character I believe is named Toggle, who received a traumatic brain injury while a soldier in the Iraq or Afghanistan. And does so with an accuracy of the issues we face that I find refreshing and hope to be educational for many, to help them understand and thus not judge.

So it’s back to work time, after I fix a bite to eat for lunch I suppose. At some point I need to return the old man’s trailer but I’m not anxious to go out in the rain to do so. But this little break to write helped me clear my mind and relax the stress some.