Disheartened by being so far behind

4/25/12 Wednesday 12:16 – Just came in from working on the drip irrigation. It is disheartening to see how far behind I am. With that are many conflicting thoughts. I am behind because I chose to help a friend, when he asked. Helping him also allowed me to earn money needed to pay bills so with the sacrifice there came a benefit. But the cost in regards to getting this farm going are high. The predicted high is 102 degrees and it seems that we are already approaching that temperature now. The sticker grass is in full swing and is already making lots of those thorny stickers we despise so much. Another thing I haven’t been able to keep up with. There is a motorized sprayer I bought two or three years ago, that has never been taken out of the box, that I remembered existed so unpacked it this morning. I bought some stuff that will specifically kill sticker grass a few years back that I hope to use with the sprayer to kill as much of this sticker grass as I can. Tomorrow I head out for the Lynaugh prison, where we will conduct another 4 day Kairos event. When we get back Jim expects me to come back to work for him. I am wondering if that would be wise now. Do I continue to sacrifice our dream for a future to help someone put money in his pocket, who really doesn’t need it, and has exhibited a definite lack of holding much esteem for who I am. I was able to visit with the guys at the jail yesterday. Had debated whether or not to go but while praying about it sensed it was important so dropped by when I picked up the mail. One of the guys is heading back to prison and another is getting out. A third had been going through all kinds of internal struggles regarding his faith in God and the situations he is dealing with. I taught about the last days, that I believe are upon us, and about the reality we will all stand before God as our judge, and answer for what we have and have not done. This is a reality that so many who wear that “I’m a Christian” badge seem to be blithely blind about. Part of that stems from this concept that all our sins are forgotten about so they feel that there will be no accountability required for what they have done. This is one of the many false doctrines that has permeated much of the Christian world and has been eagerly accepted by those who want an easy faith with little responsibility and no sacrifice. I rely on the words of Jesus, who is God and will be the judge. He said “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Can it be any clearer? Just a few sentences later Jesus said “Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' 23 And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!” What is the will of our Father? To love Him with all your heart, strength, and soul, and to love your neighbor like yourself. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you have it made, instead examine yourself carefully and closely. Even Paul, who wrote so much of our new testament, didn’t take his salvation for granted. He said “Remember that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize. You also must run in such a way that you will win. 25 All athletes practice strict self-control. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I am not like a boxer who misses his punches. 27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.” (1 Corinthians 9:24) There are so many I fear for, so many who seem blind to the road they are on, and blind to their hypocrisy. I am not the judge but I am the servant of God and desire to help all rise up to a higher standard. This is part of why God put me here on earth, why He raised me from the dead, to proclaim the truth where I can, to bring life out of death. Time to get back to work in the heat