Pushing through

4/8/10 Thursday
It almost froze overnight. Sure can feel it this morning. I’m struggling to think clearly at the moment. Know there’s lots to do but need to be able to focus and figure out what task to take on. I was much clearer earlier but as I write find myself unable to find words, the aphasia from the TBI showing up again. This could be a sign that a slowdown (petite seizure) is coming. Had some bad ones recently. Emailed my sister and she wrote back. Good to hear from her. The price of our stock plummeted this morning, of course it’s just when we decided to sell some and raise badly needed cash. Was going to order seeds but when I checked with Cherie, as I always do before spending money, learned there’s only $16.00 in the farm account so that will have to wait. The lady with a barn we’re tearing down emailed asking when we will complete that job. I explained we must wait till we can sell the stock so I can pay for help to do it. I’m watching the stock (PVX) on the Mac as I write this and it’s slowly coming back up. The old man asked to be considered when I decided to sell and asked how much I wanted for it. I don’t know how to answer that. Do I sell it for whatever the stock market says it’s worth at the moment or can I set a price? It’s a world I’m totally unfamiliar with. Do I contact our bank that handles the stocks and tell them the old man wants to buy it? I so don’t know this stuff.

My ears are ringing, another precursor of a slow down. I’ve got so much to do and need to work on the business plan stuff that UTPB sent me last month. Don’t remember what they needed. I think it was questions I didn’t have an answer for. Don’t know, just know I set it aside to do later and like most things it got forgotten. Out of sight is out of mind very literally with me.

I got most of the plants in the ground but still have a few to go. Ran out of buckets so will start cutting old plant pots we’ve collected or some of the two liter plastic bottles to use as a protection from the wind around each plant.

The stock is still climbing up. That’s good. I’m frustrated, as I often am, because there is so much to do and I’m unable to do it all. There’s an air compressor we brought down from Toledo 4 years ago that still hasn’t been put together. I got a motor for it when I went to Toledo last year. Think I got the motor from Cherie’s nephew but can’t remember. As soon as we can sell this stock we’ll have some cash to get the help I need. It won’t last long and part of it must go to doing something about the water. What a crossroads we are at, at this moment. So much hinges on our ability, or inability, to get something done now.
When troubled I remind myself of the gift of life I've been given. No matter how bad or frustrating my life is a blessing and I know many who are in much worse shape than I.

I’m going to go out and cut the bottoms out of planter pots and two liter bottles. Simple tasks I can focus on when the mind is not working terribly well. It’s cold in the house and we’re out of firewood. Besides we planned on not using the wood burner anymore this season and cleaned it up. So I’ll wear a coat indoors and out. No biggie but my fingers sure are cold and each joint is sore. Can’t wear gloves and type. I’m definitely slowing down. My thoughts are unable to focus and meandering. Got to go try and accomplish something. Bye.

Our well water is poisoned

This row was planted 2 weeks ago and should be green with new plant life.

4/7/10 Wednesday
I worked till way after dark yesterday but still didn’t get all the plants we bought in the ground. That was my goal but I don’t always set reasonable goals. I’ll finish that up today for sure. Meantime I’m paying the price in this beat up old body for the work I did but that’s the way it always is. I could have gotten all the plants in if I’d compromised on my methodology and taken some shortcuts but any job worth doing is worth doing right.



I finished up making the T-frames and digging the post holes to put them in. First each row had to be properly prepared with compost and the pre plant mix of gypsum, Epsom salts, and Borax. That mix is comes from the Mittlieder system that I’m incorporating in much of what we grow this year.









After that I buried the drip line in the row. After seeing how the wind tears the drip line off each row and how there is so much of a mineral buildup when I lay the line on top I decided this will be better.

It’s becoming apparent that our well water has degraded to the point that it’s just poisoning the earth. This is a serious blow but not an unexpected one. We’ve observed that the plants just survive, not thrive, when watered from the well. There has always been a dramatic difference in the plants every time it rains. So right now we’ve got 80% of the rows we planted that show no life at all, and the ones that did manage to sprout some seeds did so only sporadically. That’s disappointing to put it mildly, all that work on all those rows was a total waste of time and seed. Each row reveals a white cap now from the mineral deposits left by the water.

This area should be teaming with life from sixteen different varieties of vegetables that were planted. Only some squashes and melons were able to germinate in this water and they are not too healthy looking.

So what can I do about it? Water is the key to life out here and we have plenty of it but it’s all so hard and full of chlorides that it’s poisonous and prevents seeds from germinating. We will have to buy our plants already started from local nurseries, and that greatly adds to the expense. But even then the water isn’t good though at least the plants have a chance because they are already started. We have hundreds of dollars worth of seeds we bought for this season that I fear will go to waste. However I do have some rain water we caught in barrels set under the roofs that I can use to start seeds with. Our long term plans involve setting up a rainwater capture system that will catch and store all the runoff from our house and garage and also digging a tank to catch the torrential rains at the far end of the farm, where it all drains to. The plans also include installing a filtration and treatment system to clean the well water up and make it safe to use. We also want to drill another well with the hope the water will be better.
I had scavenged a bunch of five gallon buckets along with some plant pots and cut the bottoms out of them. Then I cut these slots so they can go on top of the drip lines. None of the Sudan I planted to act as a wind break around All of the garden plots seems to have made it so the wind is unimpeded as it destructively tears through these areas. Consequently I am using these buckets to protect the plants. Otherwise they would be torn to shreds by the wind and blowing sand. Unfortunately I don't have enough buckets. The winds blew many of them away despite them being stacked out of the way.



All of this, like everything else, requires money. We keep hoping our PVX stock hits $8.00 a share, at which point we plan on selling half of it. It’s been toying with that value, coming within three cents of it, and has steadily risen in value. As soon as we sell it, and for that matter sell the truck and trailer too, we will have the cash needed to do some of this. It won’t be enough to do everything but every little bit helps. Meantime I’ve got a garden that looks like a desert waste land. But I won’t quit. This is just another obstacle to overcome. I have a dream, and through hard work and perseverance, along with God’s grace, I’ll see it become reality.






Last night's sunset.

pictures of Westbrook Farms happenings

Hi guys, it's gonna be a ninety degree days so I don't have time to write as I want to get as much work done as I can before it gets too hot. But I know that more people visit this blog on Monday than any other day so for you regulars who like to keep up with things here's a bunch of pictures. The first one is of 80 bucks worth of plants we bought. Many of the seeds we planted haven't come up due to the well water having gotten so bad so we're forced to buy plants already started.







That means I must rush to prepare beds to plant them in. This shows one of the T frames we built where we will be growing "vertically" according to the Mitleider system I'll be incorporating this year. Just imagine tomato plants climbing up twine that will be attached to high tensile wire strung through the ends of these frames.










Here I am burying water line that will feed the drip tape that runs down each row













Our mint has exploded, enthusiastically growing like crazy. We'll be potting lots of this for sale at the farmers market. I know there's lots of people who will enjoy having a mint plant handy that they can just pull some leaves off for their tea or even water. Plus it smells great to have growing around the house. Check out how it's even growing out of the sides of these railroad ties. Some plants aren't as affected by the well water and evidently mints are included.



















Alan did decide to move his mobile home to the farm, where he will be a resident, and God willing, a big part of this business. It's such a blessing just to have someone to talk with and work with out here. Helps me greatly just figuring out what to do and having another set of hands enables me to perform tasks that previously I couldn't do by myself. So this picture shows where I'm making a road he can drive to his home on. We're carving this place out little by little as God brings things together.









This picture reveals one of the problems we must overcome. You can just see the remains of a plant that had sprouted in the depression made as a bird yanked at it to pull the seed out of the ground to eat. All along the rows there is evidence of the birds as they destroy so much work we've done. Eventually we will be able to buy or build row covers to protect our plants from the birds and even insects. When the plants are maturing we already know that birds will be feeding off of them, attacking the fruits of our labors. That's the way it is, farming is learning to cooperate with nature and combating it at the same time. As it is with many things the ability to do a good job depends on our ability to obtain the tools and resources needed. Time, God, friends, and hard work will eventually enable us to put it all together. Till then it's a battle we sometimes are unable to win, but I'll keep fighting it anyway.









Speaking of friends, we were in desperate need of more filing space as we had outgrown what we had and there are papers stacked all over the place in complete disarray. When we asked our friends if they would be willing to sell us a file cabinet or two they gave us this nice lateral. It's a perfect fit for the office and meshes nicely with the desk unit that I bought way back in Toledo before we ever moved here. So here's a big thank you guys. You bless us.

That's it, there's work to do so gotta go.

Hard to keep your head up

3/31/10 Wednesday
Yesterday Cherie took a day off work and we attended a conference, that cost us 60 bucks, that we thought was geared to help us learn how to grow and market stuff on the farm. So we sat all day listening to how children are obese and should eat healthy food grown locally, and learned how these people got tons of money from grants to study this. But there is little money to help us build a farm. It’s there but I am having a hard time finding it or getting help accessing it. We listened to Matt complain about not having enough “producers” for his farmer’s market and grew frustrated because we desire and work so hard to be “producers”. Over all it seemed a waste of time and money though we did meet some people who might offer some guidance.

More manure that I'm composting. We had a talk with Alan yesterday. We were worried because he decided not to attend the conference even after we triple checked and paid his way so that raised concerns. It appears that Alan has been letting his fears and worries affect his decision to move out here on the farm. He’s worried we might not get along and would have to leave but more legitimately he’s worried about our finances and ability to pay him. I tried to convey some hope for a future here, that building a farm is an investment in time and labor that will one day pay off but don’t know how well that was received. Alan was, and is for the moment, a bright spot that gave us hope we would be able to achieve something this year. If he chooses to not be a part of it that makes things hard again, it reverts back to just me alone struggling past the paralysis and pain to try and accomplish something.

Last year depression froze me and cost a lot. With my dad’s death I received the small inheritance he was holding from my grandmother’s death forty years previous, and we were able to advance a few steps with it. That’s mostly gone now, spent on a good tractor and then for labor. If I can sell the truck and trailer we bought with it to haul the tractor and stuff back from Ohio, that will help but we haven’t gotten many bites on it. I was going to put an ad in the paper but did what I do every day, forgot. That’s the frustration that comes with a traumatic brain injury. Everyone tells me how they forget too but I don’t think they understand that it’s much worse for me and the reason the government declared me disabled. I hate that, being declared disabled, and hate even more constantly struggling to get something done and not succeeding. And now I am alone again, regarding this farm. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got Cherie, the love of my life, so from that perspective I’m far from alone and in fact blessed, but she works full time and thus pays the bills, so she has her hands very full. I suspect there are some who would delight in my failure and that spurs me to keep going, and I pray that God will deal with them, leave it in His hands. But it’s hard sometimes and I really enjoyed Alan’s company here. It really helped. We started every morning with prayer and a bible study and that’s a great way to start a day.

Enough of that. There’s work to do. I’ve got the dogs for company though Rascal and Trixie are in trouble for chasing the neighbor’s truck when he pulled in. I really need to break them of that. None of the seeds have come up and I worry that the well water has gotten so bad it will poison them. We need rain bad now, to wash the chloride buildup from the well water away. Putting in water filtration and treatment is one of the necessary expenses we have. Sure wish we had some advisors to help us. We’ve contacted many and reached out to friends but haven’t heard much back, though I might have forgotten if they did. I hope depression is not coming back. It’s just hard to keep your head up sometimes. I’ll get to work and try and focus.

Identified flying objects

3/29/10 Monday
It’s predicted to get hot this week with 90 degrees forecast for Wednesday. I’ve enjoyed the cooler weather and am not looking forward to the heat at all, especially with all the work that needs to be done. Now that we’ve run out of cash the jobs before me have become daunting because it’s just me left to do it. I am grateful for the tons of work that we were able to accomplish when I could afford to pay for help but it’s frustrating to look at all there remains to be done. It’s frustrating for Alan as well for he enjoys working for me but can’t work for free. I know he’s been looking at other things he can do for a living. The truck hasn’t seemed to draw a lot of attention from potential buyers and selling it is what I’m counting on at this crucial time. The stock took a dive and Cherie is not keen on selling it. I respect her wishes regarding that and won’t consider selling it till it comes back up in value. But it’s a tight spot to be in because this is a crucial time where getting things planted must happen or it’s too late. Nature isn’t very forgiving.
(Click to enlarge) You can see the piece of steel roof in the fence a few feet from the rolling seat I use. Note how far the tires are scattered and that's just a few of them. There's more outside of the picture.

Speaking of nature, or whatever you call it, I had quite an experience Saturday. I was working on installing the drip irrigation for the wind break trees, which have already suffered from a lack of water, when I heard a sudden very loud racket. Looking up I saw that a dust devil was spinning right over the steel roofing we had taken all day to carefully stack and secure with tarp weighed down by tires and steel beams. It flung tires almost a hundred feet along with the fifty pound beams and two by twelve’s in addition to twenty or thirty steel roofing panels.

The miniature tornado was headed straight for me but veered to the right as I watched. A piece of flying steel coming my way was stopped by some wire fencing about ten feet from me as I held onto my hat watching. The dust devil went on it’s way and everything settled down, kind of. It was a windy day anyway with gusts reaching 60 mph so I rushed to secure things before they ended up in the farmers field next door. I had to do so carefully, watching in case some of the steel panels were flung at me as I stacked more on top in the wind.

(click to enlarge)
You can see in this picture how the steel beams smashed these saw horses and took out some fencing. Sure glad it didn’t get to me.

The old man just called and asked if I could do some work for him. I will despite all that needs to be done here for two reasons. First is that I like to serve, to help others, and second because we can use the extra cash. I still owe Alan for a weeks worth of work and he’s been gracious about it but I’m not comfortable with that. Right is right and I have no intention of taking advantage of him or anyone else for that matter. So it’s a balancing act between my integrity and needs. I choose integrity and know that God honors that. It’s not what you say that marks you as a man or Christian, it’s what you do that speaks out. I know a lot of “talkers” and have no intention of being numbered among them.

Path to destrucion, path to life

3/25/10 Thursday
It’s hard to believe the month is almost over already. But that’s how it is with me every month, every week actually. With the short term memory loss the first of the month seems like it happened yesterday. Evidently Alan isn’t coming to work today. I know he talked to me about that but can’t remember exactly what he said. I know he has to do some work at the halfway house to fulfill his obligations there. That plus the fact that I’m unable to pay him until we sell the truck or some stock makes it hard on him in many ways. Regardless, there is work that needs to be done so I’m out there doing it. As always I do the best I can with what I’ve got.

The scripture I read for our morning devotional that I try to have with Cherie was the one about ten virgins, who were invited to attend the wedding feast. Five had extra flasks of oil for their lamps and five didn’t prepare themselves that way. They all slumbered and slept as they waited for the call and when it came the five unprepared tried unsuccessfully to get oil from the others. They rushed out to buy some and returned to find the door closed. Knocking on it the Bridegroom answered “I do not know you”. How this parable checks my heart. I worry for myself regarding the day I stand before God and work daily to overcome those things in my life that I know He finds unacceptable. But I also have great concern for so many I know, who aren’t worried at all, merrily fulfilling the scripture found just before this parable in Mathew 24.38 “For as in the days before the flood, they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and did not know until the flood came and took them all away, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.

The next parable Jesus spoke (Mathew 25.14-30) has the same theme, to be not just prepared but working to gain approval. In that one a man gives his servants money before he takes off on a long journey. The type of money named is “Talents” which, while probably not intentional at the writing (Though God, in His complexity, probably knew) works so well, for we all have talents, gifts and abilities God gave us. The man gave these according to each person’s ability, one got five, another two, and the third only got one. The first two invested their talents and doubled the money, and when each presented this to the master he said “Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you a ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord”. How I want to hear this when I stand before God, and this is the desire of my heart, to please Him.

The last servant, however, is the one I work to not be like. He took his talents and buried them in the ground and when his master returned dug it up and gave it to him saying “Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground, Look, there you have what is yours”. His lord answered and said “You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. Therefore take the talent from him, and give it to him who has ten talents. For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away. Cast the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth”.

We live in a world where churches have watered everything down, where over the centuries people, having itching ears, have migrated to those who teach an easy message, one that requires less and less sacrifice, and allows more and more of what we find pleasurable and fun. But when I read the words of Jesus, you know, the Son of God who the bible tells me created the world and is God (John 1.1 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God) He is clear, not just once but many times, clear that there will be many who expect to make it, to be accepted by God and gain eternal life, but to their surprise and dismay won’t. So it’s clear that the master of deceit, Satan, has pulled the wool over much of the Christian world’s eyes, and in doing so has many taking the broad and easy path to hell. Again it’s the words of Jesus that reveals this. Mathew 7.13 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it”. In the next sentence Jesus says “Beware of false prophets” warning us of those who preach the easy way.

So on my journey to find and know God this is where I am. I’ve come a long way from the doubts that God even exists but still struggle and search for truth, finding much of what I see to be confusing in the light of what I read in the bible. But I choose to trust in God despite these doubts, which are fading away. So faith is a choice for me right now, but the bible says that faith is a gift from God. My question for you is the one I've had for myself, that is "If there really is a God don't you want to know? and "Don't you want to make sure your on His side?" Fear is a good thing when it's directed correctly. Fear of the law and consequences kept me from doing things that would have had bad repercussions.

It’s time to get back to work.

My failure in leadership

3/24/10 Wednesday
Alan won’t be coming to work this morning. He has other things he needs to do and besides that until we sell the truck or trailer we can’t afford to pay him. We already owe him a weeks worth of pay. He is gracious and understanding, and more than willing to continue helping with faith we will eventually pay him, but this places hardships on his shoulders and he has enough on his plate as it is. This is such a critical time on the farm, with so much that needs to be done NOW. So we pray that God will provide, as we always do, and He always does, but it’s tight and uncomfortable. With Alan’s help I have managed to get two plots planted and made headway on preparing other areas. But there is so much more to do. I would like to purchase the Bermuda grass seed we need and get it sowed before it’s too late. That’s the thing about farming, it doesn’t wait till you’re ready.

With Alan not being here this morning I have a chance to catch up on inside stuff, office work that needs to get done along with washing the dishes to help Cherie. Alan gets frustrated as he sees first hand the problems I have because of the brain injury. My inability to plan ahead, or more accurately to remember what I planned, becomes evident during each day. Yesterday I asked what he was working on and he said he was just moving things from one place to another so it would look like he was doing something. That hit me hard as I realized my failings to guide and lead him with regard to working on the farm.
Here's the truck we have for sale. It's a 2001 F450 super duty 7.3 diesel, six speed trans with a PTO, and rated at 15,000 lb GVR so is heavy duty for sure. I'm asking $9,000 but that's negotiable. If you know someone who could use it spread the word.
Alan often helps me by making me think about what I’m doing and what needs to be done. It’s the same old frustration for me, the one I’ve been struggling with ever since I woke from the coma, and one that is common for many of us survivors of TBI. That is the ability to plan and organize my day. A central part of what was taught at the Brain Injury Institute in St. Louis dealt with that and showed how to use lists and stuff to help. There is so much to do here that I bounce from one thing to another without finishing many of the tasks because I forget what I was doing moments before. Remembering that I had at one time simultaneously run two companies that I had built with over a hundred employees only brings home how much I’ve lost ability wise. I don’t care about losing the wealth and prestige at all. That all vanished in the wind and in the process I’ve learned about what has real value in life, that is what I do for God.
The trailer is also for sale. It's a heavy duty equipment trailer with a steel deck that can haul back hoes and pretty much anything you can drive up on it. I don't know what trailers are worth so am asking $2500 based on prices I've seen on other trailers.
Time to get back to work. Cherie’s helping a lot by making lists of things I need to do and then reminding me of them. Without her I’d be more lost.

Start of another week and seeing the vision

3/22/10 Monday
The start of another week. I love every day I am graced to wake up to and view each one as a gift from God. Today will be the first 80 plus degree day we’ve had this year and in true West Texas fashion there was frost on the trucks this morning. That means we will experience a fifty degree rise in temperatures in just a few short hours.

Here are pictures to show what’s been done so far. We’ve planted peas, carrots, several lettuces, spinach, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember. And that’s only a start as we are way behind on some of it. Much of the work is in preparing places to plant. The first and main thing actually isn’t something we can eat or sell. It’s called Sudan and is grown as hay and animal feed. We are planting it around every plot because it serves as a wind break, something vitally important. I learned about this from a farmer and did this last year. Sudan grows about five feet tall and is fairly thick stuff that holds up against the wind well. Every place we planted it last year is about seven inches taller from the sand it caught.




This is the latest batch of manure we picked up from the old man. I watered and fertilized it. “WHAT!!! You watered and fertilized POOP?” you might respond. Yep, I did and will continue doing so. Right now this pile is running at 150 degrees inside as the microbes feed on the fertilizer and moisture to turn it into compost. This helps kill weed seeds and some diseases and hastens the process. I’ve got it covered with a tarp now to keep the moisture and heat in.






The grain rye is growing well now that it’s warmed up. We will be mowing it and catching it with the grass catcher on the mower and that will be added to the compost. Doing this greatly amplifies the composting process and adds to the nutrient level. The rest will be disked under and thus enhance the soil. The Elbon rye we grow does many things for the soil. One of them is that it combats certain types of nematodes so that’s a big plus. I think it also combats some kinds of soil diseases too but don’t really remember well. I know that it helps keep the weeds down in that once it’s established the weeds have a harder time getting going.










Here’s a picture of the transformer they put in for Alan’s mobile home. It’s a bigger one than he needs because I plan on running the electricity for the barn off of it. Of course that’s when I get around to building a barn. I’ll be picking up more telephone poles as time goes by to use for that purpose. At some point we need to get the rest of the barn in Odessa for that is the rest of the building material I need, but I must wait till we find some cash to do so.










There haven’t really been any serious inquiries regarding the truck so we may be forced to sell the stock. I’m going to print up some flyers and post them around town as well as get permission from the old man to put the truck in front of the old store that is on the interstate. That will help a bunch as there are 26,000 vehicles a day that go by. Just called the old man and he said that would be fine. It holds true with any business that you need money to make money so this lack of cash slows things down. I’d love to find someone willing to be a business partner and help out. It would certainly jump start things but we will work as God provides and He does that well, making sure all our needs are met.

(Click to enlarge) When I look on this farm I can see what is not there, I can see what can, and Lord willing, will be there. Picture in your mind, if you will, these paths covered with dense green Bermuda grass, and you can see what I see. The plan is to have all these pathways I’ve marked, cleared, and packed down, covered with Bermuda. Bermuda I’ve learned is the ideal grass for here. It’s drought tolerant and doesn’t require a lot of maintenance, plus it handles a lot of traffic well.

Alan’s car broke down, blew a fan belt, so I took him to the auto parts store. I dropped him off at the gas station where his car died after he assured me he could fix it without my help. That was two hours ago and he hasn’t showed up to work yet so I may have to go help him. Just called Alan and he finally got the belt on, after much frustration and if he’s like me a few pointed words.

So it’s time to get back to work. Just wanted to get this posted for y’all cause I know there’s a bunch of you out there who follow. Incidentally, my statcounter shows that there are more people reading this blog than ever before. Thanks for the interest. Gotta go.

Digging up what's buried

3/18/10 Thursday
We’ve been getting lots done. I am both blessed and grateful for Alan being here. He knows we are short on cash till I sell the truck or the stocks inherited from my dad but is working anyway, and working hard. Without him I would be struggling and in reality not keeping up with what must be done to get our crops planted. Last year I got so depressed that pretty much nothing got done. Depression is such an impenetrable wall once it gets to a high level, where even getting out of bed requires effort as you wonder “why bother”. So God, in His mercy, is helping. With the depression I went through last year what I needed most was just for others to encourage me, to simply talk and help me think straight. But this year looks so much brighter and we are encouraged. I have a tractor that works with a disc and plow to use with it so that greatly enhances our ability. Plus we had some funds and were able to buy seeds and other things needed. As soon as I can sell the truck and trailer we’ll have funds needed to buy fertilizer and other essentials, along with badly needed labor. We need to build fences, a chicken coop, extend the garage to provide storage and the greenhouse/work area where we will start seeds and process what we grow. Plus there’s the store building down at the interstate that needs lots of work done to make ready for the farmer’s market.






We’ve been working on setting up the drip irrigation for the 60 wind break trees. That involves digging four hundred feet of trench by hand and hooking up each individual drip emitter. Lots of back breaking work there. I’m used to the pain but it sure got to Alan. He’s unaccustomed to this kind of physical work but you can bet that by the end of the year he’ll be in good shape.














A lot of what we’re doing involves digging up what the wind and sand buried. It’s amazing what has disappeared just since fall of last year. I’ve found hundreds of feet of this black tubing we use for the irrigation that only a small piece was visible. When I started pulling it I discovered there was a whole lot more beneath the surface. There’s a picture of a bicycle that only the front wheel and part of handlebar is visible.

Much of the drip irrigation I put in last year, or the year before, is buried so we are having to uncover it to repair or even know where it goes. As we are able to plant wind break trees over the years, and as they slowly grow to an effective size, this will become less of a problem. In the meantime it’s a constant battle. I’ve learned to create these areas on stilts where we can store things above the ground. This allows the sand to blow under and not build up so bad.

Yesterday I plowed a lot of furrows for the garden. That was an adventure of sorts as I tried to follow where the furrows had been before. The wind, sand, and rain has flattened much of that so it was hard to see. Plus the old furrows were created by hand with the tiller and a hoe so were closer together than works well with the tractor so it kept wanting to slip into the furrow I’d just plowed. When I make the furrows for where we will plant blackeyed peas this year they will be much farter apart.

Alan and I inventoried the seeds we have this morning. Just doing that brings home how much work there is to do. There are almost two pages worth of seeds, and that doesn’t cover the old seeds we have from 2008 and earlier. I am so blessed to have Alan to help and suspect that if I didn’t I would be fighting depression again as I face tasks I’m unable to finish. The words “He needs to get a real job” still ring in my ear as I work to create this farm. That’s the way it is and in fact something most people who strive to create hear, the negative and judgmental spirit that inhabits many. The sad thing is that they don’t even recognize it and think they are giving wise advice. I’ve been reading in the book of Job lately and find a similar thing there. It’s a hard book to comprehend but I’m beginning to see what it says.

There’s work to do so time to go.

A little break to de stress

I’m working on the business plan with the formats or whatever you call it, that SBDC emailed me. It’s frustrating to get so easily confused when it comes to understanding how to use it. I started by deleting where it said “Company name” and typed in Westbrook Farms. But as I proceeded I found that I was deleting the instructions, for instance under Executive Summary where it says “Explain the fundamentals of the proposed business”, and inserting what they requested. I just realized that I can’t do this, I can’t because I won’t remember what it said. So now I understand I need to start a separate page side by side that I fill out.

It’s such a simple thing, at least for most people, but it took me this long to comprehend it and it leaves me feeling stupid. Plus this is the kind of thing that contributes to my brain slowing down, becoming overloaded so to speak. I know what I want to do, just need a little help understanding little things like this, a little guidance. I’ve got a brain filled with the complexities of the business plan but have a hard time figuring out how to do the simple thing like following an outline. It’s so hard to be both smart and stupid at the same time, to be an adult operating with the cognizance of four year old child in some areas. And it’s hard for others to understand this, to comprehend the complexities of a traumatic brain injury when on the outside I appear normal.

They have no idea of how I must examine and review what I see and hear, of how I struggle to insure that I interpret what I hear correctly, and often fail at that. Someone recently told me “You’re a pain in the ass”. They are a friend and I presumed they were joking with me so replied “I know I am” but have been worrying about it ever since, especially after seeing the look on his face when I replied. The problem is I don’t interpret facial expressions well and often totally miss jokes, not getting them at all or even understanding they were a joke. This is common with us survivors of brain injuries, not unusual at all. The comic strip, Doonesbury, now regularly features a character I believe is named Toggle, who received a traumatic brain injury while a soldier in the Iraq or Afghanistan. And does so with an accuracy of the issues we face that I find refreshing and hope to be educational for many, to help them understand and thus not judge.

So it’s back to work time, after I fix a bite to eat for lunch I suppose. At some point I need to return the old man’s trailer but I’m not anxious to go out in the rain to do so. But this little break to write helped me clear my mind and relax the stress some.

Crap in the wind (literally)

3/15/10 Monday
We’re off to a cold start for the week, with the high forecasted as being only 45 degrees or so. Saturday I remembered that I haven’t gone to the old man’s and picked up the manure that he saves for me so grabbed Cherie’s truck to go do so. It clearly has been a while since I’ve done that, clear being illustrated by the mountain of poop waiting for me. The old man came out and suggested I use his trailer, otherwise it would take five or six trips with Cherie’s truck. Fortunately he had a backhoe/frontend loader there and offered to load it up for me. That saved a lot of work and pain but I still had to unload it by hand. By the time I got the first trailer load emptied I was pooped out (Pun intended) and had to take a pain pill and lay down, so that ended my Saturday. There was still plenty more poop left to get and I try my best to fulfill my obligations. Someone we know told me that he does nothing out of compulsion, quoting Paul from the bible where he said “Owe no man anything”. I have a hard time grasping this, or at least understanding where he’s coming from, but I have a hard time understanding lots of things. For me, if I say I’ll do something I feel it’s a reflection on my character and integrity how I follow through and try my best to be a man of my word.

After church yesterday we went to the widow’s house. She had been trying to get her 27 year old grandson, whom she is letting stay with her while he’s going through a break up in his marriage, to mow the lawn for over a week now. She tried to start her lawn mower and do it herself but wasn’t able to get it started. When I heard this I told her I would be over Saturday and mow but forgot all about it. So I remembered Sunday and we went over. Cherie visited while I mowed the lawn and the widow loved having someone to talk to. When I got done we all visited for a while and talked about things of God and her financial mess. It appears that her case was brought to the attention of a higher authority in Met Life, who called her and offered to drop half of the debt, the one they created, and let her make payments on the remainder. That’s a blessing but I feel that Wells Fargo should share in this as they are the ones who told the widow that it was ok to spend the money that had magically appeared in her account.

After we got done visiting I grabbed Cherie’s truck and went to collect the rest of the manure. There was more left than I remembered, but that’s normal as my visual memories are often off. Looking at the pile I had the thought that we could load it in the back of Cherie’s pick up but when the old man came out he took one look and vetoed the idea. Here’s a perfect example of the strange difficulty my mind has judging volumes. Even with the truck sitting next to the pile of poop I couldn’t see that it would have filled her truck overflowing at least four times and had the idea we could get it in one load. It’s so weird to have this anomaly, this glaring evidence of how the brain injury still affects me. That’s why it’s good to have others who can advise me and steer me in the right direction.

You can see the crap flying, and it's not from my vigorous efforts. Poor Cherie was on the receiving end as she took this picture

I brought the loaded trailer back and worked on emptying it for a couple of hours before I had to quit and give my body a break. While doing that a storm rolled in, this time blowing out of the east. It was just wind and sand, no clouds, but the temperatures were dropping and my bones told me there was a change in the barometric pressure so it was pain on top of pain and time to quit. Cherie fixed dinner and I laid down to let the body relax. It was well after dark that I thought I’d better check the weather, because something was obviously coming in. Nuts, It’s going to rain. I was thinking that I would finish unloading the trailer the next day but knowing rain was coming changed all of that. For one thing rain mixed with manure is a nasty situation. It triples the weight and turns it into a gooey mess that either turns into cement of some kind of nasty smelly glue. So I got my headlight on, pulled on the boots, kissed Cherie, and went back out to finish unloading the trailer. That’s farm life, you work when the weather tells you too or despite of it. I was already full of crap from shoveling it in 40 mph winds when it was dry and blowing into my eyes, ears, and hair along with every other crevice it could find. Cherie came out to take a picture and got a face full too when the wind hit it. She’s a tough little girl and such a blessing.

It’s raining out now. We’ve had lots of rain so far this year, and that bodes well for the farmers (me included). Alan called to say he had lots to do so wouldn’t be in till later. I told him to take the day off. He knows we are broke and can’t pay him but wants to help anyway. What a blessing that is and how this meets a need. He will work to pay his lot rent for the mobile home we are planning to move out here so that’s a win win situation for us both. Plus he knows that as this farm grows he can grow with it, so is investing in his future.

I’ve got plenty to do inside, lots of business plan research and writing, along with a bible study I started weeks ago and then neglected. Here’s a picture of yesterday’s sunset. All the blowing sand sure puts a pretty spin on it.

Learning what I already knew

3/13/10 Saturday
It’s been busy since the bad slowdown I had Thursday. I pretty much lost a whole day with that one. Alan came out to work yesterday. We’re paying him and the other guy out of Cherie’s paycheck and that puts us in a bind but I desperately need the help. Alan and I got a lot done and as usual I’m paying the price in my body for that. Alan was hurting by the end of the day as well. 14 years in prison without doing a lot of physical work takes a toll on you, but he stuck with it and me all day and I greatly appreciate it.

We prepared these beds to plant the onion sets I bought last week in. The guys had started on them back when the wind storm showed up and blew most of their work away. First on the agenda yesterday was repairing and replacing the drip irrigation system. In the process of working on the beds I got mixed up. Originally the plan was to mix in compost and the Mittleider method pre plant mix of gypsum, Epsom salts, and Borax that I’m adopting. But as we progressed I forgot all about it and when I realized that I told Alan “Any job worth doing is worth doing right” and we then backtracked, removed the drip tape, and started over. Like I’ve mentioned before, every year I must relearn what I learned the year before, and it can be frustrating to repeat old mistakes. But we got it done. Today I plan on planting the onions.


They put the drilling rig up across the highway yesterday. I knew it was coming soon. It’s a different kind of rig from the others I’ve seen, presumably a more modern one. It is certainly quieter than some of the others that have set up near here and that’s good because this is the closest one yet, only fifty yards or so away from our property line.

Alan just called. He was at the bank and I forgot to sign his paycheck. Nuts. He is going to check and see if I signed Mike’s check too and run out here so I can correct this moment of vacancy.

All the responses I’ve gotten on the truck and trailer so far are from idiots. Seems that you can make money by getting people to click on links so these dips are replying with statements like “Why are you selling so cheap?”, or “is it still for sale?” and when I reply I get a response designed to entice me to click a link. You know, it’s discouraging to see how much deceit is out there now. I was always an easy mark, someone who trusted or believed what others told me. Alan is the same way and has been taken for over a hundred grand in addition to being sold a piece of crap car recently. Now I’m learning that someone who had deigned to be helping us is instead trying to take advantage of us and possibly screw us out of a lot of money. So who can I trust? They smile and tell me how they care but inside they seek to take advantage of us. I was just reading in Job chapter 24 to 27 and see that things haven’t changed much in several thousand years. And Jesus warned us as well, many times, telling that in the last days there will be wolves in sheep’s clothing seeking to devour and take advantage of the weak.

Alan and I went and got a load of telephone poles yesterday. Fortunately they had forgotten to unload the chain saw when we went to Odessa because the poles were too long for the trailer. I cut them in half and that made it manageable. We can get a bunch more and they will be invaluable as with them I can build barns and many other structures as we carve this farm out of the desert.

There’s work to do, always, so I’ve got to go. The pain level is up there but fortunately I have the medication that makes it bearable.

Blessed to only have it this bad.

This is the neck brace I had when I broke my neck and sustained a brain injury in 1981. The drastic personality change I went through was the reason we got divorced, that and the meddling of lots of people.

9:00 - This is an exceptionally rough morning. Having a major slowdown/petite seizure. Still pushing through best I can. Put for sale sign on the truck and parked it by the road. Look at other things I need to do and just get confused. Will pick a task and do it. There are plants we bought to plant. Some of them dried up so I watered them. It’s windy and cold this morning. The winds blew lots of sand into the protective barriers we built. Hope it won’t hurt the trees. Nothing is easy out here.


1:20 - I’m still slow. Haven’t had it this bad in a long time. Called Cherie to check on something and she could hear it in my voice. Wish I could wave a wand and make it go away. But it doesn’t work like that. So I’ll pray and see. It’s so frustrating. Even thinking of what to write is hard. It’s as if I am drunk but even drunks can think fast. Alan called and asked if I would like him to come out and help. Told him no. Don’t like people seeing me like this. Besides if I have a hard time deciding what to do how can I decide what I need him to do. He’d probably help me figure it out. This sucks. But to look on a bright side, there was a time that everyday was like this, all day long, only way worse. So I am blessed to only have it this bad occasionally.

Suppose this is the way to celebrate Brain Injury Month, Whoopee!!! YeeHaa!!! Am I having fun yet?
Carman kitty just jumped into my lap. Rascal and Trixie are staying close. Gracie cat is on the head of the chair. Animals can tell when things are wrong. I know a professor in Toledo, a fellow TBI survivor, who has a dog trained to detect his seizures.

Traumatic brain injuries treated in Big Spring

Traumatic Brain Injuries Treated in Big Spring

Traumatic Brain Injuries Treated in Big Spring (2-16-10)
3:34

by Anayeli Ruiz
NewsWest 9

BIG SPRING - For soldiers returning home from war, traumatic brain injuries have become an all too familiar problem.

That means the Veterans Affair hospitals have to change their tactics when it comes to treating veterans and the Big Spring VA Hospital is no different.

"But they did some emergency surgery, saved my life, I was with in 15 minutes of dying out there," Glenn McGraw.

35-year-old Glenn McGraw has fought on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan but while he was preparing to go back to the Middle East that a blow to his head during combat training changed his life forever.

"Immediately, I couldn't figure out what was going on, dizzy, like my special stuff was off,"

In 2007, McGraw suffered a massive brain injury, something that's becoming more and more common in the military.

"A sudden impact, then suddenly the brain is propelled against a hard object which is the inter-surface of the skull and it can be side to side or back and forth. So basically it impacts or bruised the brain. It can be so severely that parts of it are fractured, but normally its just bruised bleeding that's involved usually when you have an impact," VA Nurse Practitioner, Lee White, said.

Brain injuries on the battlefield have been around forever, but modern medicine means more soldiers are making it home and seeking care at facilities like the Big Spring VA hospital.

"World War II, Korea and Vietnam, we didn't have the special skills to get those soldiers home, many of them died in the field now. We have actual medical camps set up right their at the front line," White said.

Les White is a nurse practitioner at the Polytrauma Clinic at the VA. He says that because brain injuries can vary so greatly, there is no one size fits all approach for doctors. That is why the Big Spring VA tracks all of their patient's progress and helps guide them through their therapy.

"Its about 18 different symptoms that we look at and it depends on what constellation of symptoms that person has that would determine the treatment and the specialist they would need to go see," White said.

Symptoms of a major brain injury aren't always immediately visible sometime symptoms don't appear for hours or even days that was the case for McGraw.

"Once I was diagnosed, I started treatment, it really affected me more than I expected it to. My balance slightly off, I'd bump in to doors with my left shoulder. Frequently, memory is very difficult thing to remember," McGraw said.

Memory loss and loss of balance seems to be a common long term effects and doctors say they still have lots to learn about the condition.

"Basically, we are in process of learning. How to treat this brain injury, what we have to go on is past history and what we have done in the past is treating the brain injury based on the symptoms the person is presenting with," White said.

McGraw is currently back in school hoping to be a pastor, but his brain injury is always with him. He now keeps his life on a Palm Pilot to help him remember the simple things, most of us take for granted.

"I haven't stopped living my life, I have just adjusted things," McGraw said.

The good news is 95 percent of traumatic brain injuries are mild and soldiers usually recover within a year.

The remaining five percent go into more advanced testing and treatments. Unfortunately those numbers are growing. Doctors say in the last year, they treated 120 vets for brain injuries and they think that number will increase by 50 percent this year.

Taking up a cross

(Click to enlarge) I carved this while recovering from the accident that put me in a coma. A real life changing moment. God, in His love, does whatever it takes to get our attention, like a father disciplining his children no matter how much they rebel and try to ignore Him.

3/11/10 Thursday
It’s a chilly morning. Our funds for help have dried up so I told the guys not to come in and work. Had planned on selling the truck for that but need a truck and trailer to finish my obligation to tear down that barn. I think I’ll put it up for sale anyway and then will have to either borrow or rent a trailer to finish the job with. This morning the brain is not working terribly well so typing is a struggle. There are many questions I have, questions who’s answers I might not like. These have to do with spiritual things mostly, that and peoples hearts. There are some whom I know take delight in every hardship we have, but I am learning to let God take care of that.

We went to a Christian concert last night at the church. Unfortunately I could not understand the words, it was kind of garbled by the sound system. When I mentioned that to Cherie she said “Good, I thought it was just me”. The second group came on and things turned into a loud banging rock thing. It caused Cherie to have chest pains and I was unsettled too so we left. Gone are the days of rock and roll for me. I’ve gone to hundreds of concerts but my spirit craves that which settles my soul anymore, that which is soothing and more gentle.

It’s just me for now and there’s lots of work to do so I must get out there and get on it. It will be good because I can pray as I work and need to. I haven’t been getting up and praying early like I was. Because we aren’t burning wood to heat the house right now it’s pretty cold every morning so crawling out from under those warm covers is more of a challenge. What a parable of Christian life that can be, how we tend to choose or find that which is comfortable and avoid that which is not convenient or provides even minor discomfort. Jesus said, in Luke 9:23, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me”. So I need to be less comfortable and more willing to do what I know I need to do.


The scriptures also say in 2 Timothy 4 .1. I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom:
2. preach the word, be urgent in season and out of season, convince, rebuke, and exhort, be unfailing in patience and in teaching.
3. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own likings,
4. and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander into myths.
5. As for you, always be steady, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfil your ministry.

I suppose that’s the scripture for the day. While I don’t have the guys here, whom with we always started the day out with a scripture and prayer, I need to do this anyway, on my own.

Have a good day folks, and think of God, who certainly thinks of you and knows your heart.
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This is an exceptionally rough morning. Having a major slowdown/petite seizure. Still pushing through best I can. Put for sale sign on the truck and parked it by the road. Look at other things I need to do and just get confused. Will pick a task and do it. There are plants we bought to plant. Some of them dried up so I watered them. It’s windy and cold this morning. The winds blew lots of sand into the protective barriers we built. Hope it won’t hurt the trees. Nothing is easy out here.

It's Brain Injury

3/10/10 Wednesday
I looked at the grant application information and am overwhelmed. Upon closer look I see that it is essentially for next year because the funds aren’t released till October. It is frustrating when I get confused and lost easy, forgetting what I just read or what else I had planned on doing. I could sure use some help getting organized, with both my thoughts and the many things I must do. For that matter just with filing and keeping up with addresses and different pieces of paper.

By the way folks, this is Brain Injury Awareness month!!! It is recognized by the VA and government in general. Here’s a link to the Military Health System, a part of the Department of Defense, site on brain injury and veteran’s issues. http://health.mil/Themes/Brain_Injury.aspx

It's blowing

3/10/10 Wednesday
It’s gonna be a windy day, the big West Texas kind of wind that carries away anything not nailed down. Plus it’s kind of cool and that makes the house cold due to the leaky windows so I’ll dress warm for sure. First thing I need to do is go out and make sure things are battened down so I don’t lose important things, or even unimportant things. I am anxious to build a barn/shed, something that we can use to store things in and keep equipment like the tractors out of the weather. Hopefully the material we’re scavenging from Odessa will work well for that.

So today will be an inside day and that is good. There are lots of things I need to do and haven’t gotten to because we’ve been working outside, plus the guys need some supervision in some tasks. Alan’s pretty good but doesn’t quite know what I have in mind and I seem to be limited in my ability to convey it.

The weather is a good thing because otherwise I wouldn’t be focusing on paperwork stuff I’ve been needing to do but neglected. Boy, you can sure hear it howling out there. Time to get to work.
Cherie and I started the day with reading from Roman’s chapter 8. That sure covers a lot of territory but ends with 8:37 in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38.For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39.neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
May you be blessed and have a good day.