Pushing through

4/8/10 Thursday
It almost froze overnight. Sure can feel it this morning. I’m struggling to think clearly at the moment. Know there’s lots to do but need to be able to focus and figure out what task to take on. I was much clearer earlier but as I write find myself unable to find words, the aphasia from the TBI showing up again. This could be a sign that a slowdown (petite seizure) is coming. Had some bad ones recently. Emailed my sister and she wrote back. Good to hear from her. The price of our stock plummeted this morning, of course it’s just when we decided to sell some and raise badly needed cash. Was going to order seeds but when I checked with Cherie, as I always do before spending money, learned there’s only $16.00 in the farm account so that will have to wait. The lady with a barn we’re tearing down emailed asking when we will complete that job. I explained we must wait till we can sell the stock so I can pay for help to do it. I’m watching the stock (PVX) on the Mac as I write this and it’s slowly coming back up. The old man asked to be considered when I decided to sell and asked how much I wanted for it. I don’t know how to answer that. Do I sell it for whatever the stock market says it’s worth at the moment or can I set a price? It’s a world I’m totally unfamiliar with. Do I contact our bank that handles the stocks and tell them the old man wants to buy it? I so don’t know this stuff.

My ears are ringing, another precursor of a slow down. I’ve got so much to do and need to work on the business plan stuff that UTPB sent me last month. Don’t remember what they needed. I think it was questions I didn’t have an answer for. Don’t know, just know I set it aside to do later and like most things it got forgotten. Out of sight is out of mind very literally with me.

I got most of the plants in the ground but still have a few to go. Ran out of buckets so will start cutting old plant pots we’ve collected or some of the two liter plastic bottles to use as a protection from the wind around each plant.

The stock is still climbing up. That’s good. I’m frustrated, as I often am, because there is so much to do and I’m unable to do it all. There’s an air compressor we brought down from Toledo 4 years ago that still hasn’t been put together. I got a motor for it when I went to Toledo last year. Think I got the motor from Cherie’s nephew but can’t remember. As soon as we can sell this stock we’ll have some cash to get the help I need. It won’t last long and part of it must go to doing something about the water. What a crossroads we are at, at this moment. So much hinges on our ability, or inability, to get something done now.
When troubled I remind myself of the gift of life I've been given. No matter how bad or frustrating my life is a blessing and I know many who are in much worse shape than I.

I’m going to go out and cut the bottoms out of planter pots and two liter bottles. Simple tasks I can focus on when the mind is not working terribly well. It’s cold in the house and we’re out of firewood. Besides we planned on not using the wood burner anymore this season and cleaned it up. So I’ll wear a coat indoors and out. No biggie but my fingers sure are cold and each joint is sore. Can’t wear gloves and type. I’m definitely slowing down. My thoughts are unable to focus and meandering. Got to go try and accomplish something. Bye.