11/11/05 Friday
Forgot I am to meet Jeff this morning so must hustle.
Made it and Jeff was pulling up as I was. We talked a bit and then got into my experience with Ahmed and fanaticism. It went from Sunni Moslems to Pentecostal Christians and I told him about the “Christian” woman on the wife swapping show. This extremist blind belief that makes one an easy tool by manipulating the belief is scary. As we talked my honesty got in the way. I have developed some serious doubts regarding the present day Christianity, God, and religions in general. Every one wants to own God. They say He’s our God. “He’s mine and you can’t have him” (Said in a child’s voice). We’re right, everyone else is wrong. Not only is this with different faiths but within each faith factions arrive. I really didn’t want to tell how I felt because I didn’t want Jeff to withdraw because of that. But I can’t lie so I touched on it and spouted everything you read up there.
I got to Barb’s at 9:30. Dawn and Dee were waiting so I took the whole gang to Pilgrims church. They didn’t get as much as last time as the line was longer. I will have to get them there earlier. Barb was friendly and talked a bit but I am sure it was to make sure I won’t quit taking her places.
When I got back Fred was waiting. He asked if I had plans for the afternoon. I had hoped to visit Eileen but that’s the way it is. I told Fred I had the whole day for him and it was a beautiful day out. “So plan as much to do as you can” I said. Fred asked if Cherie was coming home for lunch and when he told me yes said we could wait till she left. He knows how much I like to spend time with her and makes allowances for that.
I told him thank you and came up here. I got into house mode and was cleaning, got the vacuum out, and decided to sit here and record this. Now back to work.
Allright. It’s 1:00 now. I got all the vacuuming done by the time Cherie got home. We laughed, hugged, loved, and enjoyed talking of possible directions to go with our lives, of land in the mountains, of getting old together. She is so beautiful to me and I am constantly dazzled by the many expressions she has. This time it was the “Ah Ha!! I’m Right!! You did it not me” face as we discussed a minute scratch in the Teflon frying pan. I am blessed.
All that happened in about fifteen or twenty minutes. Cherie went back to work and I called Fred to see if he was ready. “I’m ready when you are” Fred said. “Let’s go now then” was my response. I took Fred to the Dollar Tree where he wanted to get some batteries for his magnified reader. He wanted to look around so I walked with him as I must. Unfortunately this was at one of Fred’s more aromatic times. “What kind of freezer bag is this? I hate those ones you have to poke at to get closed.” Fred said as he let out a fart that lasted longer than his sentence. As I tried to see what he held in his hands the first portions of his gaseous emanation reached me. “That’s the one that has a zipper on it. I like them cause they are easier to use” I said as Fred audibly released more of his stomach issues.
Fred continues to ask questions as I keep taking steps back to avoid this cloud of fart surrounding him. By now I can’t see the small print of the boxes, you know where it says how many bags are in the box and am unwilling to go in and see. I did have to make a dart in to look but hey! I can hold my breath. At least for a short time. Fred seemed totally oblivious to this the whole time.
Fred wasn’t breathing well (No, not from the farts) so I said “Fred, you ought to think about bringing your oxygen bottle.”. He made no reply to that. I know he wanted to be out but couldn’t make it so I took him home.
I called Eileen but it was busy so I called later and she picked up. We went through the usual “How ya doing?” dialog and I asked her if her kitchen is finished enough for me to come over. She said it was so I called Cherie to let her know and headed over.
Eileen showed me the kitchen walls and asked “Don’t you think it looks better?”. “Eileen I don’t remember what it looked like before so I really don’t know.” I answered her. She was already saying “You can’t remember” when I spoke up. It helps when folks understand these shortcomings of mine like Eileen does.
Eileen had to go pick up her son, Bobby so I talked to Glen while he worked on loading Norton anti virus on his computer. Actually I mostly watched because I didn’t want to distract Glenn as he studied every step of the install to insure he didn’t mess something up. I had to sit down after standing in Glen’s computer room a while so I slid a kitchen chair so I could look down the short hallway to where Glen was. I don’t remember what we talked about but that’s me. Eileen finally got home and expressed her exasperation that every train in the county decided to be in her way as she started fixing dinner for Glen.
Eileen and I talked about old times at my companies as we do. She said she met Bernie someplace and talked with him. For those of you who don’t know the cast of characters in my life I will introduce you to Bernie. Bernie has a space near where my companies were based. He is a Vietnam veteran and is now an artist who specializes in working with glass. He cuts it, casts it, molds it, blows it, bevels it, and can do most anything you can do with glass.
I am pretty sure we were good friends or at least friends. He was one of the few I could remember when I got back to Toledo and was searching for anything familiar. Eileen told him she sees me on a regular basis and he told her he would like to see me. Bernie is very involved with the VFW on the East Side and they do a fish fry every Friday. I talked to Cherie about it so we will try to go next week.
It is almost 10:00 now. Cherie had fallen asleep but just woke up. I am tired but want to finish today’s entry. I took Eileen’s picture and will post it to help put a face to her name. I am quite sure she will not be real thrilled but I told her I would. Sorry Weenie.
Friday, November 11, 2005
This is Eileen. Hi Eileen
So you want to piss off a friend? Take their picture and put on your blog where millions of my imaginary audience can see her. Any way she is a loyal friend and one of the few I can trust implicitly. 
Thursday, November 10, 2005
111005 Thursday
11/10/05 Thursday
I didn’t go to bed till 1:00 last night. I could tell when I woke up this morning. What happened to the days I could go for twenty hours and only sleep five. I know that doesn’t add up to twenty four it just sounded good.
Cherie had left a note for herself to wake me up this morning because I have to get Barb to the dentist at 8:45. She is learning from my memory problem how to compensate for hers thus leaving reminder notes. She brought in the hot cup of Bob coffee like she does every morning gently saying “Get up honey. Here’s some coffee and I am making scrambled eggs and English muffin for you. Don’t forget you’re taking Barb to the dentist.”. We still look at each other and cry. With tears streaming down our face we tell each other how much we love each other and hug as we wonder at being together again. I think we will still do this twenty years from now. It is good to be one with you’re mate.
Cherie was ready for work with five minutes to spare which is good. I had to adjust to this as Cherie would sit down and watch the news. “It’s 7:36 Cherie, don’t you need to be getting ready for work.” I said trying to be the good husband and keep her moving so she might not be late. Cherie just looked at me with a pleased look on her face and told me “I’m all ready”. I wait for her to leave so she doesn’t have to kiss me bye while I’m in the shower and then scurry to get ready. Of course Fred calls while I am in the shower. When I didn’t answer the cell phone he called the house phone. By this time I am just drying off so I rush naked to the phone knowing already that it was Fred.
As always Fred is rushing things and lets me know that he told Barb I would be there at 8:00. “No Fred! I’m not going to get to Barb’s till 8:30 and her appointment isn’t until 8:45. I don’t want to sit around any longer than I have to.” Fred expressed his reservations “I don’t know”. He then told me to get his credit card as it is his turn to buy gas. No problem with that.
It is 10:00 and I am back home. When I got Barb to the dentist’s office there were no cars in the parking lot. A lady with an armload of mail came up to the door of the office building and unlocked it. Not a good sign. Barb went in with the lady who unlocked the door and I leaned the seat back, turned on the radio, and got this laptop out of the back pack. I started it up and was just doing things like open the journal when Barb came back outside.
She gets in the car and tells me there is no one in the doctors office. It was already 9:15, a half hour since the appointment so I asked Barb “What do you want to do? You want to wait or go home, call them, and reschedule?”. I was glad when she elected to go home and call to reschedule. It’s got sitting in a car when it’s 43 degrees out beat all to pieces.
Fred met me at the door and commiserated on how wrong it was for the doctor to do that. I made sure he knew I wasn’t upset at Barb about it and that it wasn’t her fault so he shouldn’t be mad at her either. Fred told me that when he talked to Barb just before I came home she said she needed to see the dentist because she was out of pain pills. “Fred she just got a prescription for percosets (Hey, it’s not on my spell check so if I spelled that wrong live with it.) yesterday. If they’re gone there’s a problem. When that sunk in he got quiet. I excused myself to go to the apartment and escaped. It is beautiful outside with clouds dotting the blue sky. I halfway want to go take a picture of it but don’t want to drive anywhere to do so.
Now that we heard that the scam artist Jim Watson is leaving town as is his pattern I am motivated to get the research material on him out and make it public. I should have done it sooner but our rejection at the Cedar Creek church soured me so I let them throw their money at Jim.
Jim said he was going to Adrian but I’ll believe that when I see it. He said he will take some of the “residents” of his “Ministry” with him to Adrian. Of course he will. He hires them out and they give him the money they earn. And of course it is all for the glory of God!!! “Oh Yeah Folks, Step Right Up and Give Me Your Money, Help the Poor, Make God Happy, line my pockets”… Jim has the pitch down pat and has been doing this for nearly twenty years. Time to get off my ass and expose him.
There’s allot of stuff on Jim and I will have to sort it out all over again because it is fresh material to me now. Things will come back as I work on this but I think I will deal with this later not now.
Cherie came home for lunch and it is always a pleasure to see her and share life. I told her of taking Barb to the dentist that wasn’t there and she asked if I was hungry. “You’ll still be asking me that twenty years from now despite knowing I rarely feel hungry. Should I eat?” I said. She wasn’t hungry and had brought the chili mac that she had packed for lunch back so warmed that up for me.
She fretted about needing to shop so I said “How about I go shopping?”. She looked at me as it dawned on her “Oh yeah! You could do this.” I told her to make a list and when it came down to cat litter the exact name, style, features or whatever it took to insure I got the right stuff. You know, I have been trying to get her to ask more of me, to schedule things for me to do, for as long as we’ve been together. She just loves me so much she tries to do everything herself.
I think I will carve a bit before I go to the store.
I didn’t go to bed till 1:00 last night. I could tell when I woke up this morning. What happened to the days I could go for twenty hours and only sleep five. I know that doesn’t add up to twenty four it just sounded good.
Cherie had left a note for herself to wake me up this morning because I have to get Barb to the dentist at 8:45. She is learning from my memory problem how to compensate for hers thus leaving reminder notes. She brought in the hot cup of Bob coffee like she does every morning gently saying “Get up honey. Here’s some coffee and I am making scrambled eggs and English muffin for you. Don’t forget you’re taking Barb to the dentist.”. We still look at each other and cry. With tears streaming down our face we tell each other how much we love each other and hug as we wonder at being together again. I think we will still do this twenty years from now. It is good to be one with you’re mate.
Cherie was ready for work with five minutes to spare which is good. I had to adjust to this as Cherie would sit down and watch the news. “It’s 7:36 Cherie, don’t you need to be getting ready for work.” I said trying to be the good husband and keep her moving so she might not be late. Cherie just looked at me with a pleased look on her face and told me “I’m all ready”. I wait for her to leave so she doesn’t have to kiss me bye while I’m in the shower and then scurry to get ready. Of course Fred calls while I am in the shower. When I didn’t answer the cell phone he called the house phone. By this time I am just drying off so I rush naked to the phone knowing already that it was Fred.
As always Fred is rushing things and lets me know that he told Barb I would be there at 8:00. “No Fred! I’m not going to get to Barb’s till 8:30 and her appointment isn’t until 8:45. I don’t want to sit around any longer than I have to.” Fred expressed his reservations “I don’t know”. He then told me to get his credit card as it is his turn to buy gas. No problem with that.
It is 10:00 and I am back home. When I got Barb to the dentist’s office there were no cars in the parking lot. A lady with an armload of mail came up to the door of the office building and unlocked it. Not a good sign. Barb went in with the lady who unlocked the door and I leaned the seat back, turned on the radio, and got this laptop out of the back pack. I started it up and was just doing things like open the journal when Barb came back outside.
She gets in the car and tells me there is no one in the doctors office. It was already 9:15, a half hour since the appointment so I asked Barb “What do you want to do? You want to wait or go home, call them, and reschedule?”. I was glad when she elected to go home and call to reschedule. It’s got sitting in a car when it’s 43 degrees out beat all to pieces.
Fred met me at the door and commiserated on how wrong it was for the doctor to do that. I made sure he knew I wasn’t upset at Barb about it and that it wasn’t her fault so he shouldn’t be mad at her either. Fred told me that when he talked to Barb just before I came home she said she needed to see the dentist because she was out of pain pills. “Fred she just got a prescription for percosets (Hey, it’s not on my spell check so if I spelled that wrong live with it.) yesterday. If they’re gone there’s a problem. When that sunk in he got quiet. I excused myself to go to the apartment and escaped. It is beautiful outside with clouds dotting the blue sky. I halfway want to go take a picture of it but don’t want to drive anywhere to do so.
Now that we heard that the scam artist Jim Watson is leaving town as is his pattern I am motivated to get the research material on him out and make it public. I should have done it sooner but our rejection at the Cedar Creek church soured me so I let them throw their money at Jim.
Jim said he was going to Adrian but I’ll believe that when I see it. He said he will take some of the “residents” of his “Ministry” with him to Adrian. Of course he will. He hires them out and they give him the money they earn. And of course it is all for the glory of God!!! “Oh Yeah Folks, Step Right Up and Give Me Your Money, Help the Poor, Make God Happy, line my pockets”… Jim has the pitch down pat and has been doing this for nearly twenty years. Time to get off my ass and expose him.
There’s allot of stuff on Jim and I will have to sort it out all over again because it is fresh material to me now. Things will come back as I work on this but I think I will deal with this later not now.
Cherie came home for lunch and it is always a pleasure to see her and share life. I told her of taking Barb to the dentist that wasn’t there and she asked if I was hungry. “You’ll still be asking me that twenty years from now despite knowing I rarely feel hungry. Should I eat?” I said. She wasn’t hungry and had brought the chili mac that she had packed for lunch back so warmed that up for me.
She fretted about needing to shop so I said “How about I go shopping?”. She looked at me as it dawned on her “Oh yeah! You could do this.” I told her to make a list and when it came down to cat litter the exact name, style, features or whatever it took to insure I got the right stuff. You know, I have been trying to get her to ask more of me, to schedule things for me to do, for as long as we’ve been together. She just loves me so much she tries to do everything herself.
I think I will carve a bit before I go to the store.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
11/9/05 Wednesday
It is cloudy, dark, and a damp chill kinda morning. I didn’t wake until late. I am tired and running about a 7. Not real quick but clear. I still had to ask Cherie what day it is. I don’t have anything scheduled today and don’t feel like going anywhere. Despite the chill today is to be a warm day getting up to 70 degrees. I know that for my Texas friends and hopefully family who read this 70 would seem cold but I consider it nice and warm. Hell I had the windows rolled down yesterday at 55 degrees as I traveled to and fro on my tasks. Anyway I hope the phone doesn’t ring today. Probably should hurry to get showered and fix breakfast cause that will help me get moving and hopefully the momentum will keep me going.
I was looking for something under programs and found all kinds of stuff I forgot I had and never used. I am sure I tried to learn how to use them but gave up in confusion. I know Microsoft Outlook was one I couldn’t figure out. Fact is I need to keep things simple cause I can’t really juggle too much. Time to shower before I get distracted and forget.
Well I showered and when I sat down to write this I realized that I forgot to eat. Yesterday I forgot all day long till Cherie asked me when she got home from work. I can’t figure why I keep gaining weight. I probably eat and forget I did. I just took the handful of vitamins and stuff Cherie lays out for me every morning. Lots of B-12 and fish stuff with it’s Omega III, whatever that is. Supposed to be good for the brain.
I was reading a thing Cherie had printed up for me about the link between brain injury and Alzheimer disease. It’s scary and with the multiple injuries I have incurred since childhood I am in the high probability group. That is another reason for this journal, it is my memory and will remain when I am gone, at least that is a hope I have. I think I will eat now. It is 10:12.
Never did eat. When I went into the kitchen I saw the dishwater I had poured and forgotten about. It was almost cold but not quite so I washed the dishes while it was there in front of me. With me “out of sight, out of mind” is pretty much literal for me with some exceptions. Anyway I just come here and sat down because washing dishes is one of those activities that kills my back so a little rest and then I will go eat. It is 11:00 now so I should call it lunch even though I will probably fix eggs. Yeah eggs and grits with the flour gravy like what my dad used to cook. Wish he would talk to me. OK it is trip number three to fix food, wish me luck.
That was good. It’s been a while but that is a reminiscent kind of a meal. Makes me remember being home sitting at the kitchen counter in San Antonio when I was maybe ten years old. The smoke of my parents cigarettes would always waft into my face but I couldn’t stop it. Wasn’t allowed to fidget or move much. My brother and little sister are at the counter also and my dad is in the kitchen fixing his buttermilk biscuits and this gravy along with eggs. I think he called it “dirty gravy” but I’m not sure. I remember doing this regularly but can’t connect much joy to these times.
Writing this brings up sadness and puts me in a melancholy mood. Don’t want to do anything but will press through.
Well I just zombied out and went blog surfing. That has become my latest pastime, one of my uses of empty spaces in my life. The sun has come out now. I am a bit slower and tired. May just lay down, may carve, or I may just sit here looking out the window. The headache is coming. Time for a preemptive strike. To the aspirin!!
I laid down and forgot to take aspirin. Just got myself up. Will get aspirin now. I wanted to go visit Eileen but I’m not going anywhere right now.
I carved. Forgot how hard it is for me to sit on the floor and do this. I had to stop and unfold my legs regularly and get up and walk around. I called Wayne and got frustrated when he started talking about all the calls I’m supposed to make and giving me a phone number to call for getting him a place. I can’t deal with it as he keeps talking and talking and tell him I’m not doing well so to tell me when I see him next. He kept on about another call I’m to make so I told him again to wait till when I see him to ask me about that. Finally it was “Wayne I’m not doing well and don’t want to deal with this now, I gotta go,,,gotta go,,, bye,,, ok Wayne I’m done, bye.” Hang up.
I feel bad that I haven’t been able to keep up with what I need and said I would do for Wayne. I think I am getting burned out helping people ?? No I really don’t know, I stay in the house more and have less tolerance of others. I am happy to share the world with Cherie and don’t leave this hub of security much. Don’t know if that is good or bad.
Just talked to Cherie and she isn’t sure she wants to go to the church home group tonight. I know that means she is tired. She does want to go to the park so she may just be stressed. She will call me when she is coming so I can meet her outside. I suppose I should get ready now or else I will be sitting here in my underwear when she calls.
We made it to the park and I had a hard time keeping up with Cherie. She was distraught and said she had been filled with a sense of foreboding all day long. This had her in quite a state by now. We walked and talked and walked some more. I would make Cherie slow down and sometimes stop to look at what was around us. It was getting dark and we were starting to see some of the deer. They were coming in from different areas and started to congregate near us. We just stood there watching. Some of the young deer were kind of wrestling with each other and another bigger one seemed aggressive. Soon there were eight or nine deer there and we watched them for a bit but had to go as the park closes at night. The picture is of Cherie while we were ot the park.
We came home and Cherie made a chili mac dish out of our leftovers that was great. I had gotten an apple pie that you bake in the oven and some pumpkin ice cream that we had for dessert. Now it is time to retire but I want to finish this.
11805 Tuesday
11/8/05 Tuesday
This will be an interesting day. I start out taking Fred to Barb’s and then taking her to the dentist. This dentist always takes an extended amount of time so I will be sitting in the car with Fred for an hour or so. I like Fred but we don’t have much to talk about so it’s weather, aches and pains, the “That’s not right” venting of his current frustration, and other fun stuff. I doubt I will be able to get on this laptop during this wait. BUT WAIT! There’s more.
Yesterday Fred told me that after the dentist he would like to take Barb to cash her check and then to buy food. I am happy to see that Fred had listened to me regarding that. This way she has food and no cash, or at least less cash to potentially buy drugs or whatever well it is that swallows her money. However ever since I started telling Fred things like the TV disappearing there has been lots of tension, in fact she is downright angry. I need to keep things settled but that is hard when I say just what I think.
Now here’s the problem. I am to take Wayne to the Zeph Center where he will meet with his new case worker. Yesterday Wayne told me she was the head psychologist for Zeph Center and that she told him “I am the boss”. This is a change from his first report where he didn’t mention her status. It will be interesting to meet her. But I digress…Wayne is to be at this appointment at 2:00 and Barb’s check usually doesn’t arrive till 1:00 so that will make it hard to do. Actually when I consider that Fred really shouldn’t go with us because I would have to leave him alone for a while, it is impossible. I foresee a conflict coming. I already told Fred that Wayne’s making this appointment took priority over taking Barb to cash her check. It is his car and he may demand I take him and Barb around. Tough spot to be in so I hope it doesn’t work that way. So that’s the juggling act. Nothing compared to what others do daily.
I put one of the poems I wrote when we were asked to wander away by Cedar Creek church on my whattaboutbob.blogspot.com blog. Check it out. I am still trying to find a way of organizing this website stuff. So far all I have done is make a confusing mess. That’s what happens when you forget what you had in mind when you see it again. “Now what was I up to here? What the hell was I doing?” is a common thought with me.
My ears are ringing now and I have that kind of strange sensation on my upper body I have had before. With it comes a kind of light headed dizziness and a shift in the feel for the day. It is hard to explain in a way that will give others a taste of it, just a taste. It is like trying to describe what chocolate tastes like to someone who never tasted chocolate. They will never know till they taste it.
You would think these symptoms should come with a slowdown but it is quite the opposite. I am running about an 8 right now which is up from my average which is 7. But I am getting tired. I took my pill at 7:30 or so. It is 9:14 now and Fred wants to leave at 10:30. I hope I am doing better then, if not I will have to drive carefully. Perhaps I should lay down. Really dizzy and finger tips are tingling. I will take some aspirin. I did slow down.
It is 4:55 at this moment. I just got home and need to record this day before it vanishes. I laid down and Fred called. That’s beginning to have a ring of familiarity to it, you know Fred calling when I lay down. In his usual push to get things done he say’s “I told Barb we will be there at 10:30”. So I says “Her appointment isn’t till 11:15 and we will leave here at 10:30”.
I crammed a bowl of cereal down as I packed up the laptop in case I could bring it out and work on it. Fat chance of that happening. On the way to Barb’s I let Fred know again what my schedule was and that getting Wayne to his appointment was a top priority. Barb was not ready when we arrived so Fred went up to the door. I could see him through the storm door as he talked to Barb and couldn’t tell if he was coming or what.
At last Fred comes out the door and I half expected Barb not to go but she followed him to the car. Barb had nothing to say so I said “How you doing Barb?”. She just said “OK” and that was about it for the day. We get to the dentist and Barb goes up while Fred and I settle in for the wait. Fred tries to keep a conversation going with little success. There just isn’t much we can talk about.
An hour goes by which I expected but after an hour and a half I am starting to watch the clock to insure I will get Wayne to the Zeph Center. As it gets close to a do or die time I told Fred that I would have to get Wayne soon. I went up to the dentist’s office and when I rolled open the glass door at the reception area I could see Barb in the dentist chair. I asked how long she would be and got a general “It won’t be long” response. “How long?” I asked and watched them hedge around. The dentist came by and said they were waiting on Barb’s X-ray and would then know if she needs her tooth removed or what. I explained I was her transportation and needed to get moving so the doc asked if I wanted to reschedule. I said yes and waited in the lobby for Barb.
Barb didn’t come so I slid open the glass and got their attention again. Now the doc had already shot Barb with Novocain and was going to start on Barb’s teeth despite me telling her Barb had to go. Now I got upset and told them that Barb either leaves with me now or they could take her home. They said it would just be a few minutes so I went back downstairs to the car. I told Fred that getting Wayne to his appointment was a priority so I would be leaving. He got upset and I told him I could come back for Barb later. It wouldn’t hurt her to wait a bit. Finally I told Fred that I was starting the car and leaving now so he could either go with me or go upstairs and wait with Barb. He elected to go in and wait with Barb so I took off.
Halfway to Wayne’s my cell phone rang and it was Fred saying Barb was done now so I made a u turn and came back. I picked them up and took Barb home. I talked with Fred and explained I would have to go in with Wayne so Fred would have to wait for maybe another hour or so. We decided to pick up Wayne and then take Fred home. Then I would race to get Wayne to Zeph as close to his appointment time as possible.
Wayne was ready and talkative when we got there. After dropping Fred off Wayne got onto this new caseworker thing that his mind had blown out of proportion. He kept talking about how she was a bitch and pushy and I would keep telling him to cool his jets about it. “We’ll see” I would say as he planned on her being mean to him. “Come on Wayne, Just relax a bit will you”
We got there and his case worker was an absolute sweetheart. She quickly let us know what could be available for Wayne and gave us some phone numbers to call. It was generally good and I made a point of letting Wayne know how wrong he had been and that he needs to be more easy going.
This will be an interesting day. I start out taking Fred to Barb’s and then taking her to the dentist. This dentist always takes an extended amount of time so I will be sitting in the car with Fred for an hour or so. I like Fred but we don’t have much to talk about so it’s weather, aches and pains, the “That’s not right” venting of his current frustration, and other fun stuff. I doubt I will be able to get on this laptop during this wait. BUT WAIT! There’s more.
Yesterday Fred told me that after the dentist he would like to take Barb to cash her check and then to buy food. I am happy to see that Fred had listened to me regarding that. This way she has food and no cash, or at least less cash to potentially buy drugs or whatever well it is that swallows her money. However ever since I started telling Fred things like the TV disappearing there has been lots of tension, in fact she is downright angry. I need to keep things settled but that is hard when I say just what I think.
Now here’s the problem. I am to take Wayne to the Zeph Center where he will meet with his new case worker. Yesterday Wayne told me she was the head psychologist for Zeph Center and that she told him “I am the boss”. This is a change from his first report where he didn’t mention her status. It will be interesting to meet her. But I digress…Wayne is to be at this appointment at 2:00 and Barb’s check usually doesn’t arrive till 1:00 so that will make it hard to do. Actually when I consider that Fred really shouldn’t go with us because I would have to leave him alone for a while, it is impossible. I foresee a conflict coming. I already told Fred that Wayne’s making this appointment took priority over taking Barb to cash her check. It is his car and he may demand I take him and Barb around. Tough spot to be in so I hope it doesn’t work that way. So that’s the juggling act. Nothing compared to what others do daily.
I put one of the poems I wrote when we were asked to wander away by Cedar Creek church on my whattaboutbob.blogspot.com blog. Check it out. I am still trying to find a way of organizing this website stuff. So far all I have done is make a confusing mess. That’s what happens when you forget what you had in mind when you see it again. “Now what was I up to here? What the hell was I doing?” is a common thought with me.
My ears are ringing now and I have that kind of strange sensation on my upper body I have had before. With it comes a kind of light headed dizziness and a shift in the feel for the day. It is hard to explain in a way that will give others a taste of it, just a taste. It is like trying to describe what chocolate tastes like to someone who never tasted chocolate. They will never know till they taste it.
You would think these symptoms should come with a slowdown but it is quite the opposite. I am running about an 8 right now which is up from my average which is 7. But I am getting tired. I took my pill at 7:30 or so. It is 9:14 now and Fred wants to leave at 10:30. I hope I am doing better then, if not I will have to drive carefully. Perhaps I should lay down. Really dizzy and finger tips are tingling. I will take some aspirin. I did slow down.
It is 4:55 at this moment. I just got home and need to record this day before it vanishes. I laid down and Fred called. That’s beginning to have a ring of familiarity to it, you know Fred calling when I lay down. In his usual push to get things done he say’s “I told Barb we will be there at 10:30”. So I says “Her appointment isn’t till 11:15 and we will leave here at 10:30”.
I crammed a bowl of cereal down as I packed up the laptop in case I could bring it out and work on it. Fat chance of that happening. On the way to Barb’s I let Fred know again what my schedule was and that getting Wayne to his appointment was a top priority. Barb was not ready when we arrived so Fred went up to the door. I could see him through the storm door as he talked to Barb and couldn’t tell if he was coming or what.
At last Fred comes out the door and I half expected Barb not to go but she followed him to the car. Barb had nothing to say so I said “How you doing Barb?”. She just said “OK” and that was about it for the day. We get to the dentist and Barb goes up while Fred and I settle in for the wait. Fred tries to keep a conversation going with little success. There just isn’t much we can talk about.
An hour goes by which I expected but after an hour and a half I am starting to watch the clock to insure I will get Wayne to the Zeph Center. As it gets close to a do or die time I told Fred that I would have to get Wayne soon. I went up to the dentist’s office and when I rolled open the glass door at the reception area I could see Barb in the dentist chair. I asked how long she would be and got a general “It won’t be long” response. “How long?” I asked and watched them hedge around. The dentist came by and said they were waiting on Barb’s X-ray and would then know if she needs her tooth removed or what. I explained I was her transportation and needed to get moving so the doc asked if I wanted to reschedule. I said yes and waited in the lobby for Barb.
Barb didn’t come so I slid open the glass and got their attention again. Now the doc had already shot Barb with Novocain and was going to start on Barb’s teeth despite me telling her Barb had to go. Now I got upset and told them that Barb either leaves with me now or they could take her home. They said it would just be a few minutes so I went back downstairs to the car. I told Fred that getting Wayne to his appointment was a priority so I would be leaving. He got upset and I told him I could come back for Barb later. It wouldn’t hurt her to wait a bit. Finally I told Fred that I was starting the car and leaving now so he could either go with me or go upstairs and wait with Barb. He elected to go in and wait with Barb so I took off.
Halfway to Wayne’s my cell phone rang and it was Fred saying Barb was done now so I made a u turn and came back. I picked them up and took Barb home. I talked with Fred and explained I would have to go in with Wayne so Fred would have to wait for maybe another hour or so. We decided to pick up Wayne and then take Fred home. Then I would race to get Wayne to Zeph as close to his appointment time as possible.
Wayne was ready and talkative when we got there. After dropping Fred off Wayne got onto this new caseworker thing that his mind had blown out of proportion. He kept talking about how she was a bitch and pushy and I would keep telling him to cool his jets about it. “We’ll see” I would say as he planned on her being mean to him. “Come on Wayne, Just relax a bit will you”
We got there and his case worker was an absolute sweetheart. She quickly let us know what could be available for Wayne and gave us some phone numbers to call. It was generally good and I made a point of letting Wayne know how wrong he had been and that he needs to be more easy going.
Monday, November 07, 2005
The leaves are fallen
This was the picture Cherie likes the best. Sometimes we see deer wandering here. Soon it will be snow.
The Park today
This is the veiw from where I was writing in the park. There was a coolness in the air that penetrated my flannel shirt, the spirit of the season.
11705 Monday
11/7/05 Monday
I’m up and moving fairly early this morning. Showered and stuff. You know the morning routine. The brain seems to be doing well this morning, running about an 8 or so on the Bob scale. I poured dishwater, took my pills and herbal stuff, so I need to keep going. Just stopped to make this entry and check E mail real quick and hope not to get distracted.
I did good. Got dressed, the dishes washed, and took the garbage out. I watched Dr. Phil but it got tired of it. Today I will take Wayne to see Dr. Rowan. I will have him fill out the form for his medical and physical disabilities. I don’t remember what else I am to do but have it written down somewhere. I think I will get Wayne’s stuff together so I am ready to leave at 12:30. Then I might carve. I’ll play that one by ear.
Never carved. I did call the YMCA for Cherie after I saw the letter they sent to us requesting further information to process our application for the scholarship program. I got straight through to the lady who’s name was on the letter. After she pulled the file she was able to tell me what was needed. It was the federal tax form they needed and Cherie had only included the state tax record. The federal tax return was under the YMCA letter so Cherie must have figured that was it. I told the lady that I would bring the return to the Y today.
When I finished that call I called Cherie to tell her about the Y thing and then started packing this computer and stuff in my back pack to go. I called Fred and let him know I was leaving and took off. I always call Fred because it is his car I use and he sometimes gets panicky if it’s gone. I got the return to the YMCA and headed over to get Wayne. It was still early so I stopped at Popeye’s Chicken. It seems lately that they are starving the chickens to death because these were pretty lean. I probably will not go back.
I got Wayne to Dr. Rowan’s and had Wayne give him the forms after making sure Wayne knew what to say. Now I am sitting in the doc’s office working on this. I have been off in thought for two days now recalling events in my life. I will dig up the time line I had sketched out and fill it in some. I may visit Eileen after this or perhaps go to the park and write in the peace of the forest.
I called Eileen up after taking Wayne home. He had asked if I wanted to come in and I said no. I feel bad about it because Wayne is just nonstop talking. He can’t stand silence. Eileen said the house was a mess because they are painting so it wouldn’t be a good time to come over. That helped make up my mind cause with Eileen out of the picture the park it is. I will go see Eileen tomorrow. Right now I am at the park and just took a slew of pictures cause I got a camera and can. Besides I am fascinated with the things of nature.
It is so peaceful here it is surreal. I can hear the sounds of civilization (For some reason that word seems like an oxymoron when applied to this town and country) leaking through the trees as the restless wind caresses the remaining leaves, hoping to seduce them into letting go, to join all their brothers on the ground.
I am cold and should have gone home to get a coat but this chill feels good. It challenges me to be strong, able to shrug off these minor discomforts. It reminds me of those who lived here before the white man came. They embraced the changes of season and took pride in their abilities to overcome and press through.
Now we are spoiled. I am sure Cherie will scold me for not dressing warm but I join with the forest in some ways as I soak in the spirit of this place.
It is time for me to start writing some of the stories that have been coming out of the catacombs of my memory. I have been reminiscing as these times spring forward into my minds vision. More pieces of the puzzle of my life.
I am kinda slowing down so I think I will go home.
I am home and more comfortable. I just put on a pot of coffee and turned on some Simon and Garfunkel. That and the herbal will help free this mind. As I sat at Dr. Rowan’s I was looking at old stuff I wrote and think I will pick out some of that to publish on this blog.
There is so much confusion in this computer, so many things I started and then forgot about. I keep finding more folders where I would start the same thing again and again. Of course I keep doing it because I keep coming up with the same concept as I move in circles forgetting what I had already done and doing it again. Now I have a trail of folders with varying versions of the same information but I need to search out the nuggets before I start deleting stuff. I think I came to this conclusion before and never finished searching through this stuff. Won’t do it now.
Something smells in here but I can’t put my finger on what it is.
I just went and edited the pictures I took of the park. I think they are cool but who am I. I made some coffee and it is real good with the vanilla cinnamon creamer Cherie got and some rum flavoring. Cherie just called to let me know she was going to the doctor after work in case I forgot. I actually remembered and always like when that happens.
It is 11:00 PM now. I am tired and Cherie is going back to sleep. She fell asleep on my shoulder earlier and I held her and enjoyed feeling her warmth and life as she gently snored. I will end this now. Need to pick the pictures I will publish in the blog.
I’m up and moving fairly early this morning. Showered and stuff. You know the morning routine. The brain seems to be doing well this morning, running about an 8 or so on the Bob scale. I poured dishwater, took my pills and herbal stuff, so I need to keep going. Just stopped to make this entry and check E mail real quick and hope not to get distracted.
I did good. Got dressed, the dishes washed, and took the garbage out. I watched Dr. Phil but it got tired of it. Today I will take Wayne to see Dr. Rowan. I will have him fill out the form for his medical and physical disabilities. I don’t remember what else I am to do but have it written down somewhere. I think I will get Wayne’s stuff together so I am ready to leave at 12:30. Then I might carve. I’ll play that one by ear.
Never carved. I did call the YMCA for Cherie after I saw the letter they sent to us requesting further information to process our application for the scholarship program. I got straight through to the lady who’s name was on the letter. After she pulled the file she was able to tell me what was needed. It was the federal tax form they needed and Cherie had only included the state tax record. The federal tax return was under the YMCA letter so Cherie must have figured that was it. I told the lady that I would bring the return to the Y today.
When I finished that call I called Cherie to tell her about the Y thing and then started packing this computer and stuff in my back pack to go. I called Fred and let him know I was leaving and took off. I always call Fred because it is his car I use and he sometimes gets panicky if it’s gone. I got the return to the YMCA and headed over to get Wayne. It was still early so I stopped at Popeye’s Chicken. It seems lately that they are starving the chickens to death because these were pretty lean. I probably will not go back.
I got Wayne to Dr. Rowan’s and had Wayne give him the forms after making sure Wayne knew what to say. Now I am sitting in the doc’s office working on this. I have been off in thought for two days now recalling events in my life. I will dig up the time line I had sketched out and fill it in some. I may visit Eileen after this or perhaps go to the park and write in the peace of the forest.
I called Eileen up after taking Wayne home. He had asked if I wanted to come in and I said no. I feel bad about it because Wayne is just nonstop talking. He can’t stand silence. Eileen said the house was a mess because they are painting so it wouldn’t be a good time to come over. That helped make up my mind cause with Eileen out of the picture the park it is. I will go see Eileen tomorrow. Right now I am at the park and just took a slew of pictures cause I got a camera and can. Besides I am fascinated with the things of nature.
It is so peaceful here it is surreal. I can hear the sounds of civilization (For some reason that word seems like an oxymoron when applied to this town and country) leaking through the trees as the restless wind caresses the remaining leaves, hoping to seduce them into letting go, to join all their brothers on the ground.
I am cold and should have gone home to get a coat but this chill feels good. It challenges me to be strong, able to shrug off these minor discomforts. It reminds me of those who lived here before the white man came. They embraced the changes of season and took pride in their abilities to overcome and press through.
Now we are spoiled. I am sure Cherie will scold me for not dressing warm but I join with the forest in some ways as I soak in the spirit of this place.
It is time for me to start writing some of the stories that have been coming out of the catacombs of my memory. I have been reminiscing as these times spring forward into my minds vision. More pieces of the puzzle of my life.
I am kinda slowing down so I think I will go home.
I am home and more comfortable. I just put on a pot of coffee and turned on some Simon and Garfunkel. That and the herbal will help free this mind. As I sat at Dr. Rowan’s I was looking at old stuff I wrote and think I will pick out some of that to publish on this blog.
There is so much confusion in this computer, so many things I started and then forgot about. I keep finding more folders where I would start the same thing again and again. Of course I keep doing it because I keep coming up with the same concept as I move in circles forgetting what I had already done and doing it again. Now I have a trail of folders with varying versions of the same information but I need to search out the nuggets before I start deleting stuff. I think I came to this conclusion before and never finished searching through this stuff. Won’t do it now.
Something smells in here but I can’t put my finger on what it is.
I just went and edited the pictures I took of the park. I think they are cool but who am I. I made some coffee and it is real good with the vanilla cinnamon creamer Cherie got and some rum flavoring. Cherie just called to let me know she was going to the doctor after work in case I forgot. I actually remembered and always like when that happens.
It is 11:00 PM now. I am tired and Cherie is going back to sleep. She fell asleep on my shoulder earlier and I held her and enjoyed feeling her warmth and life as she gently snored. I will end this now. Need to pick the pictures I will publish in the blog.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Sunday
11/6/05 Sunday
Good morning world. It stormed last night and the wind is whipping right now. I can’t wait to get back to the park. We have been watching the changes in the forest as winter heads this way. All this wind and storm will have made a significant impact on the fall leaves.
We are watching the morning news on ABC and there is a story of a woman who completed the Iron Man competition despite having only one leg. It is inspiring to me when I see how others achieve despite their disability but it is also embarrassing. I am not in that bad of shape and need to quit thinking I won’t ever amount to much, you know, quit feeling sorry for myself. Anyway it was determination and a can do attitude that made this possible for this woman. She didn’t make it the first time, coming in something like 12 or 20 minutes after the cut off time so she came back the next year.
I just checked my E mail and Linda sent a reply that really spelled out what some of us with brain injuries go through. I am asking her permission to publish it so you may get to see it.
I am running about a 6 or so on the Bob scale. Not real speedy but not to slow When I woke up the leg wasn’t there so I had to walk carefully. It is still numb but that is partly because I am sitting at this machine. I will get up and walk to help it be less noticeable as I must do all day long.
I think I will start a folder for the “whattaboutbob” (With two T’s) blog so it will contain different writing than this journal. Still debating switching the journal to “What about Bob” and using ‘Walked with Angels” to start publishing earlier journal entries to tell the incredible story of my journey back to Toledo and wandering lost in my home town. Cherie thinks that would be a good idea.
I had a headache coming on and took aspirin to head it off. It kept coming and now the light coming in from the cloudy day outside is bright. Not a good sign. This is part of a migraine. Haven’t had a bad one for a while though I will have to consult this journal to see when. This is handy. In some ways with this journal I have a better memory than most, down to the date and time sometimes. Anyway I was slowing down and Cherie could hear it just a little in my voice and quit writing on the other blog because I couldn’t concentrate on it. I took some herbal medicine and it has cleared my head. My typing speed has dramatically increased and I am writing this. Time to return to “What about Bob” and finish what I started.
I think that went well. I talked about politicians in Toledo and deception. Go look and tell me what you think. It’s whattaboutbob.blogspot.com .
It is incredibly windy out. I like it. I was tired two hours ago and still am but when the brain works I like to use it. Maybe I will take a nap now. For those who don’t know I often have to take a couple of naps a day. This is due to mental fatigue, a result of the brain injury. Not whining just want folks to understand us survivors.
Cherie got me out and we went to MC Sports for boots. She had scouted out stores for shoes earlier and here was the correct stuff. I found a pair and we came home. We are both tired so just rented to DVD’s and stayed home to enjoy each others company. That’s it for the day
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Here is Carman kitty
Cherie and the cat, this is the whole family except me cause I had to take the picture.
11505 Saturday
11/5/05 Saturday
I just noticed that I was a day off on my dates with this journal. I debated leaving it the way it was or correcting it because I try to leave it as I wrote it to illustrate accurately how this brain injury affects me. Nah, I corrected it.
I saw this while browsing blogs by clicking on the next blog button at the top. This has become a leisure activity that gives little nuggets of good stuff on occasion. It also has a bad side as I run into all kinds of things I don’t need or want to see. Porn is at the top of the list. That is a problem that I work to beat. It’s too easy when I am in this house all day to just take a peak and then it doesn’t stop there. (I hope the reader is not offended. As I recovered from this accident I did some serious thinking about life and developed the philosophy I now live by. Among them is honesty about me, no secrets. It is next to impossible but a powerful incentive for me to follow another principle of this philosophy. “Live a life you can love. Become a person you can be proud of.)
One of the mental tools I use to resist this is to think of the hell some of those girls go through, trapped in a life they can’t escape. Another big help is my love for Cherie and I realize that I commit mental adultery when I look at this crap. I also know that if you feed a monster it grows. Keep feeding it and the monster will devour you.
As usual I went of on a tangent and lost track of what I was heading for. Had to go up to the beginning to see what that was so here it is. Some of the following is a bit crude but there are some good ones here. It was titled Buddhist proverbs or something like that.
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.Man who run in front of car get tiredMan with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to BangkokMan who scratch ass should not bite fingernailsMan who eat many prunes get good run for money.Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.Man who fart in church sit in own pew.Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Still funny to me. On with the day.
Cherie gets to work today. She left a little while ago at 8:45. I don’t have anything scheduled to do so I will plan something out. It helps when I do that otherwise I just wander from whatever grabs my attention to whatever distracts me to starting lots of things I don’t finish. One of the things I can focus on is writing. I need to direct that to the website stuff which will pretty much entail writing an autobiography.
Time to get showered and stuff. I remembered to take my pill this morning. Forgot yesterday till four PM when I checked the pill minder. Should fix breakfast but who knows. I’ll check E-mail and shut the lid on this device. That didn’t work. Last night I got frustrated as I tried to correct or at least understand this editing title at the top. Then I couldn’t close a word document that opened by itself and is blank. That same thing just happened again but I don’t want to deal with it to avoid the stress and frustration that sometimes triggers slow downs.
It’s 11:18 and I have got nothing done so far except start another blog called What about Bob? At whattaboutbob.blogspot.com. I did manage to get an E mail off to Linda. I had a moment of confusion where I thought it was the 25th so I apologized for being so late when I really wasn’t that bad. Fred did call to tell me he called Firestone and bitched about Eric’s attitude. I best get in the shower now. Cherie may come home at noon or not. They have lots of work to do. Time to move.
Cherie came home a moment ago. We went shopping for boots and didn’t find anything that was comfortable. I might have to pay bigger money to get something that works. Then I looked for tennis shoes with about the same amount of success. I was getting tired of shoes and had a problem with there being so many shoes to pick from.
We went and got some food and ice cream and came home. See ya. I got to spend some time with my wife.
I just noticed that I was a day off on my dates with this journal. I debated leaving it the way it was or correcting it because I try to leave it as I wrote it to illustrate accurately how this brain injury affects me. Nah, I corrected it.
I saw this while browsing blogs by clicking on the next blog button at the top. This has become a leisure activity that gives little nuggets of good stuff on occasion. It also has a bad side as I run into all kinds of things I don’t need or want to see. Porn is at the top of the list. That is a problem that I work to beat. It’s too easy when I am in this house all day to just take a peak and then it doesn’t stop there. (I hope the reader is not offended. As I recovered from this accident I did some serious thinking about life and developed the philosophy I now live by. Among them is honesty about me, no secrets. It is next to impossible but a powerful incentive for me to follow another principle of this philosophy. “Live a life you can love. Become a person you can be proud of.)
One of the mental tools I use to resist this is to think of the hell some of those girls go through, trapped in a life they can’t escape. Another big help is my love for Cherie and I realize that I commit mental adultery when I look at this crap. I also know that if you feed a monster it grows. Keep feeding it and the monster will devour you.
As usual I went of on a tangent and lost track of what I was heading for. Had to go up to the beginning to see what that was so here it is. Some of the following is a bit crude but there are some good ones here. It was titled Buddhist proverbs or something like that.
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.Man who run in front of car get tiredMan with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to BangkokMan who scratch ass should not bite fingernailsMan who eat many prunes get good run for money.Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.Man who fart in church sit in own pew.Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Still funny to me. On with the day.
Cherie gets to work today. She left a little while ago at 8:45. I don’t have anything scheduled to do so I will plan something out. It helps when I do that otherwise I just wander from whatever grabs my attention to whatever distracts me to starting lots of things I don’t finish. One of the things I can focus on is writing. I need to direct that to the website stuff which will pretty much entail writing an autobiography.
Time to get showered and stuff. I remembered to take my pill this morning. Forgot yesterday till four PM when I checked the pill minder. Should fix breakfast but who knows. I’ll check E-mail and shut the lid on this device. That didn’t work. Last night I got frustrated as I tried to correct or at least understand this editing title at the top. Then I couldn’t close a word document that opened by itself and is blank. That same thing just happened again but I don’t want to deal with it to avoid the stress and frustration that sometimes triggers slow downs.
It’s 11:18 and I have got nothing done so far except start another blog called What about Bob? At whattaboutbob.blogspot.com. I did manage to get an E mail off to Linda. I had a moment of confusion where I thought it was the 25th so I apologized for being so late when I really wasn’t that bad. Fred did call to tell me he called Firestone and bitched about Eric’s attitude. I best get in the shower now. Cherie may come home at noon or not. They have lots of work to do. Time to move.
Cherie came home a moment ago. We went shopping for boots and didn’t find anything that was comfortable. I might have to pay bigger money to get something that works. Then I looked for tennis shoes with about the same amount of success. I was getting tired of shoes and had a problem with there being so many shoes to pick from.
We went and got some food and ice cream and came home. See ya. I got to spend some time with my wife.
Friday, November 04, 2005
In case you want to know what I look like
This is my average look around the house. I don't understand why the neighbors don't knock on the door.Actually it is a replica of a roman helmet given to me by friends who have historical reinacting as one of their many interests. If they are reading, Thanks. It was quite a day. Read the rest of today. Bob
11505 Friday
11/5/05 Friday
We’re off on a new day. I will do my morning breakfast with Jeff and then take Wayne shopping. After that Fred’s car is scheduled for brake work at noon. I will take this laptop with me to make use of my waiting time.
I am at Burger king as I write this. It is 12:19. The meeting with Jeff was good. We didn’t get into anything other than how our week had gone and his potential contract with a well known name. I asked him how these services are presented, how do you sell yourself? The time came for us to leave so I dropped by Express Personnel to get Cherie’s check and went home where I left it on the table for Cherie to deposit. Then I called Wayne to let him know I was on the way. I took my vitamins and some of the herbal stuff that I use to clear my head and took off to get Wayne. He had coffee and had baked some cinnamon rolls he baked waiting for me. He told me about his new case worker at the Zeph Center. He did not like her attitude and the way he told it she thought little of those she is paid to help. She had been rude and demanding when it came to setting a time for him to go in. I told Wayne that I will go in with him because I want to make sure she knows who I am. I recorded the time of his appointment in my calendar and then talked to Wayne about ways I have learned to cope with the memory loss.
I told Wayne we needed to get moving because I had to get Fred’s car to Firestone at 12:00. We got moving. I took Wayne to the bank to cash his monthly check of $115.00. I talk about this so those of you reading can understand what Wayne must live on. He gets $139 in food stamps and $115 cash and that’s it. Now his rent is only $35 a month and the rest is subsidized and his utilities are covered for now but there is nothing more. We help him and he gets an occasional thing from his limited family.
Next week I take him to Dr. Rowan where I will have him complete a medical profile designed to appease Social Security. I think there is only one more piece left to complete this puzzle required to appease Social Security. I am still debating paying the lawyer or doing the appeal myself. I hate for Wayne too lose 25% to the lawyer. Here is where my problems get in the way. There is so much I need to do for Wayne but I never remember.
I got Wayne to Kroger and helped him get his food by using his list to navigate the store in as efficient a way as possible to save him too much walking. He did his monthly stock up leaving $40 or so for the end of the month. There was no fluff except he did get himself a small shrimp ring for four or five dollars.
That brings me to now. The car is across the street at Firestone getting the breaks fixed. They said it would be an hour and a half so I will sit in this booth in the low level at this Burger King. Nice and private. I want to order one of their pies but don’t feel like packing up this laptop just to do that so won’t. Nice thing about this hamburger joint is it is a WiFi hot spot where I can go online.
It is 1:30 now so I suppose I should mosey over to the Firestone place so they can tell me their not done yet. Hell they probably found something wring that they are waiting on me to give them the go ahead. I’ll go over there now.
I hate it when I’m right. I can tell Jeff is not having fun as I watch him get the torch out. The older a car gets the more fun they are to fix. I think I will work on the website now.
In the grand annals I will write of the good times of Bob you will not find an entry for today. I sat in firestones lobby and watched Jeff working at a hurried pace with a look on his face that showed his exacerbation. He took it for a test drive and I could hear the belt squirping as he pulled up. I had brought it in before because of this noise and they had smeared some stuff on it to no avail so I went out and asked Jeff about it. Jeff said it doesn’t matter how much stuff you put on it. He said the belt is under warranty and would replace it for free. “Cool, do it” I told him and went back into the lobby to wait.
Jeff drove the Lincoln up front and I assume went to lunch or back home, perhaps to a bar after Fred’s car. I waited to be called up to sign the bill. Eventually the new young guy calls “Mr. Rietz”. I get up and when I got to the counter the kid goes “How will you pay for this?” I told him on the firestone card as always. He looks at the computer screen and is amazed when he sees this so he tries to run it. I hear their machine dialing in but nothing happens so it dials again and the kid resets it and it dials again. The Kid is on the phone talking to his homey all during this as I wait. Eric comes in and takes over and the phone calling in the card thing starts all over again. Finally Eric manually calls the card in for authorization. After talking with a human and punching in the numbers he looks at the computer screen, then he looks at me closely, then he says “That card only has $104.00 left on it which I took for this bill but you need another $107, How do you want to do that?”
OOOKay. That’s an unexpected twist. “Let me call Fred and see what he wants to do” I told him as I got my cell phone out. It’s Busy. I wait two minutes and call again. It’s Busy. I look at Eric and let him know it is busy and he tells me “Just put it on your card, I don’t care”. “I don’t have a credit card” I told him and really didn’t like his smirk at all. “Ok” he says raising his hand level with his ear with its fingers straight out and together like a salute. He kind of flipped his hand like waving goodbye as he talked. I ask him if that means the car doesn’t go anywhere until it’s paid and he said “Yes”. Whatever. I sat down and kept trying to call Fred with no success. The battery is getting low so I pick up a paper and started reading it because other wise I would call every twenty seconds. It works, I make it to sixty seconds before I resend to Fred. Fred did not get off the phone for twenty minutes. Finally I get through. “Fred! They say your card doesn’t have enough to cover the bill” “What,,,Thats not right, I just paid them” he protested. I tried to explain it to him and just said. “Fred, I’ll have the guy call you and explain it” I told him and he hung up.
Closing my cell phone I waited till Eric was free and, walking up to the counter with a grin on my face said “Well! You ready to call Fred?” “No, I don’t want to call him” Eric told me. As he walked to the computer station I patted the phone and told him he needed to call Fred. He told me I should call Fred and I had enough. “LOOK, Fred’s the one who’s paying for this and if you want your money your going to call him. Other than that I don’t give a shit”. Eric called. He eventually got Fred to understand and put it on his discover card. Giving me the receipt Eric didn’t say much. “Am I free to go?” I asked him and left. Three and a half hours of fun.
Cherie just came home from work exhausted so I said “Lets just have pizza delivered”. IT’S Unanimous, A complete sweep, PIZZA It is. She is calling it in now. The first place she called she had a time getting whomever to understand “Do you deliver?”. “Dip shits” Cherie said and hung up. We go to the tried and proved Marco’s and I must stop writing or wait till something happens.
We’re done for the day so I will close this out for the night. I didn’t take any pictures today so may just go find one.
We’re off on a new day. I will do my morning breakfast with Jeff and then take Wayne shopping. After that Fred’s car is scheduled for brake work at noon. I will take this laptop with me to make use of my waiting time.
I am at Burger king as I write this. It is 12:19. The meeting with Jeff was good. We didn’t get into anything other than how our week had gone and his potential contract with a well known name. I asked him how these services are presented, how do you sell yourself? The time came for us to leave so I dropped by Express Personnel to get Cherie’s check and went home where I left it on the table for Cherie to deposit. Then I called Wayne to let him know I was on the way. I took my vitamins and some of the herbal stuff that I use to clear my head and took off to get Wayne. He had coffee and had baked some cinnamon rolls he baked waiting for me. He told me about his new case worker at the Zeph Center. He did not like her attitude and the way he told it she thought little of those she is paid to help. She had been rude and demanding when it came to setting a time for him to go in. I told Wayne that I will go in with him because I want to make sure she knows who I am. I recorded the time of his appointment in my calendar and then talked to Wayne about ways I have learned to cope with the memory loss.
I told Wayne we needed to get moving because I had to get Fred’s car to Firestone at 12:00. We got moving. I took Wayne to the bank to cash his monthly check of $115.00. I talk about this so those of you reading can understand what Wayne must live on. He gets $139 in food stamps and $115 cash and that’s it. Now his rent is only $35 a month and the rest is subsidized and his utilities are covered for now but there is nothing more. We help him and he gets an occasional thing from his limited family.
Next week I take him to Dr. Rowan where I will have him complete a medical profile designed to appease Social Security. I think there is only one more piece left to complete this puzzle required to appease Social Security. I am still debating paying the lawyer or doing the appeal myself. I hate for Wayne too lose 25% to the lawyer. Here is where my problems get in the way. There is so much I need to do for Wayne but I never remember.
I got Wayne to Kroger and helped him get his food by using his list to navigate the store in as efficient a way as possible to save him too much walking. He did his monthly stock up leaving $40 or so for the end of the month. There was no fluff except he did get himself a small shrimp ring for four or five dollars.
That brings me to now. The car is across the street at Firestone getting the breaks fixed. They said it would be an hour and a half so I will sit in this booth in the low level at this Burger King. Nice and private. I want to order one of their pies but don’t feel like packing up this laptop just to do that so won’t. Nice thing about this hamburger joint is it is a WiFi hot spot where I can go online.
It is 1:30 now so I suppose I should mosey over to the Firestone place so they can tell me their not done yet. Hell they probably found something wring that they are waiting on me to give them the go ahead. I’ll go over there now.
I hate it when I’m right. I can tell Jeff is not having fun as I watch him get the torch out. The older a car gets the more fun they are to fix. I think I will work on the website now.
In the grand annals I will write of the good times of Bob you will not find an entry for today. I sat in firestones lobby and watched Jeff working at a hurried pace with a look on his face that showed his exacerbation. He took it for a test drive and I could hear the belt squirping as he pulled up. I had brought it in before because of this noise and they had smeared some stuff on it to no avail so I went out and asked Jeff about it. Jeff said it doesn’t matter how much stuff you put on it. He said the belt is under warranty and would replace it for free. “Cool, do it” I told him and went back into the lobby to wait.
Jeff drove the Lincoln up front and I assume went to lunch or back home, perhaps to a bar after Fred’s car. I waited to be called up to sign the bill. Eventually the new young guy calls “Mr. Rietz”. I get up and when I got to the counter the kid goes “How will you pay for this?” I told him on the firestone card as always. He looks at the computer screen and is amazed when he sees this so he tries to run it. I hear their machine dialing in but nothing happens so it dials again and the kid resets it and it dials again. The Kid is on the phone talking to his homey all during this as I wait. Eric comes in and takes over and the phone calling in the card thing starts all over again. Finally Eric manually calls the card in for authorization. After talking with a human and punching in the numbers he looks at the computer screen, then he looks at me closely, then he says “That card only has $104.00 left on it which I took for this bill but you need another $107, How do you want to do that?”
OOOKay. That’s an unexpected twist. “Let me call Fred and see what he wants to do” I told him as I got my cell phone out. It’s Busy. I wait two minutes and call again. It’s Busy. I look at Eric and let him know it is busy and he tells me “Just put it on your card, I don’t care”. “I don’t have a credit card” I told him and really didn’t like his smirk at all. “Ok” he says raising his hand level with his ear with its fingers straight out and together like a salute. He kind of flipped his hand like waving goodbye as he talked. I ask him if that means the car doesn’t go anywhere until it’s paid and he said “Yes”. Whatever. I sat down and kept trying to call Fred with no success. The battery is getting low so I pick up a paper and started reading it because other wise I would call every twenty seconds. It works, I make it to sixty seconds before I resend to Fred. Fred did not get off the phone for twenty minutes. Finally I get through. “Fred! They say your card doesn’t have enough to cover the bill” “What,,,Thats not right, I just paid them” he protested. I tried to explain it to him and just said. “Fred, I’ll have the guy call you and explain it” I told him and he hung up.
Closing my cell phone I waited till Eric was free and, walking up to the counter with a grin on my face said “Well! You ready to call Fred?” “No, I don’t want to call him” Eric told me. As he walked to the computer station I patted the phone and told him he needed to call Fred. He told me I should call Fred and I had enough. “LOOK, Fred’s the one who’s paying for this and if you want your money your going to call him. Other than that I don’t give a shit”. Eric called. He eventually got Fred to understand and put it on his discover card. Giving me the receipt Eric didn’t say much. “Am I free to go?” I asked him and left. Three and a half hours of fun.
Cherie just came home from work exhausted so I said “Lets just have pizza delivered”. IT’S Unanimous, A complete sweep, PIZZA It is. She is calling it in now. The first place she called she had a time getting whomever to understand “Do you deliver?”. “Dip shits” Cherie said and hung up. We go to the tried and proved Marco’s and I must stop writing or wait till something happens.
We’re done for the day so I will close this out for the night. I didn’t take any pictures today so may just go find one.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
11305 Thursday
11/3/05 Thursday
It is a bright cloudless day this morning. I am having a problem with Allen thinking he may have again tried to take advantage of my lack of memory. I told him about it on the phone last night and he tried calling both our phones. I really didn’t feel like getting into a tiff so I didn’t answer. He left a message and I will call him today. Right now I need to get ready for Ann Arbor.
I made it to the VA hospital and am sitting in an examination room or whatever it’s called. Just took a picture of the wall where there is a note posted that says “SAVE DO NOT REMOVE ARTWORK”. The wall is bare. The artwork has been removed.
(image placeholder)
I had the brilliant idea that if this journal serves as my memory why shouldn’t I use this nifty digital camera that can take as many pictures as I want and then insert them here. Allright…It’s not really brilliant and only took me a year to figure this out but hey I got there. I’m still waiting but don’t mind. I have learned to be patient and no longer rush, at least not as much as I used to. This may be a Wi Fy hot zone where I can go online. Think I will try that now. Well that didn’t work. Probably a hospital network that requires a password or something.
I am home now and it is 3:04 PM. The doctors visit was kind of not fun and strange. The first guy was cool and nodded his head knowingly as I spoke of what I go through. He asked lots of questions about seizures and slow downs. That was fine but when he would ask how often events would happen I couldn’t really answer because I don’t remember. “That’s why I keep this journal” I told him patting my backpack laptop carrier. He had asked about it when he came in because I was writing the previous paragraph. When it came close to the end of his examination he was talking about medication for the migraines and excused himself for a minute which turned into a lot longer. Eventually he returned with another doctor who walked up saying “Do you remember me?”. I didn’t have a clue and didn’t even have an inkling of recognition so I chuckled and said “Are you kidding? I could of seen you five days ago and wouldn’t know you now.”.
This doctor seemed to have a different attitude laughing at my answers as if he were in on an inside joke. He went through a series of questions requiring me to remember and I finally told him “Look doc, I can’t remember stuff and half the answers I gave you were guesses” Then he got onto seizures and that led to whether I could safely drive or not. That was uncomfortable and I told him I had no trouble driving and when I slow way down I drive like an old man, nice and slow.
I was glad to get out of there and headed home, grabbing a club sandwich at Subway on the way out of town. It was a quick drive back to Toledo as I thought about the doctor’s laughter. When I got back Fred called and asked if I could take him to Kazmier’s. “Sure, now’s a good time Fred. Lets go.” I told him and so off we went. He was glad to get out of and took his time having me look for him. As always I would give him a running commentary as he wandered down isles. “Here we have beans. There are kidney beans, pork and beans, pinto beans, All kinds of beans Fred. Apple sauce? We already went past it. I’ll go back and get some.” Eventually we got done and I took Fred home.
Cherie called to tell me she would be working late. I told her I would fix dinner. Looking in the fridge I saw some of the Thai marinades and decided to use it with chicken. I ran to Kroger to get some stir fry veggies and coffee creamer. The dinner was a hit and Cherie liked it allot. We just relaxed and enjoyed each others company. Pirates of the Caribbean was on so we watched that and now I am here finishing up this entry and Cherie is going to sleep. I think I am tired and done for now. If Linda is reading I will reply to your E mail soon.
It is a bright cloudless day this morning. I am having a problem with Allen thinking he may have again tried to take advantage of my lack of memory. I told him about it on the phone last night and he tried calling both our phones. I really didn’t feel like getting into a tiff so I didn’t answer. He left a message and I will call him today. Right now I need to get ready for Ann Arbor.
I made it to the VA hospital and am sitting in an examination room or whatever it’s called. Just took a picture of the wall where there is a note posted that says “SAVE DO NOT REMOVE ARTWORK”. The wall is bare. The artwork has been removed.
(image placeholder)
I had the brilliant idea that if this journal serves as my memory why shouldn’t I use this nifty digital camera that can take as many pictures as I want and then insert them here. Allright…It’s not really brilliant and only took me a year to figure this out but hey I got there. I’m still waiting but don’t mind. I have learned to be patient and no longer rush, at least not as much as I used to. This may be a Wi Fy hot zone where I can go online. Think I will try that now. Well that didn’t work. Probably a hospital network that requires a password or something.
I am home now and it is 3:04 PM. The doctors visit was kind of not fun and strange. The first guy was cool and nodded his head knowingly as I spoke of what I go through. He asked lots of questions about seizures and slow downs. That was fine but when he would ask how often events would happen I couldn’t really answer because I don’t remember. “That’s why I keep this journal” I told him patting my backpack laptop carrier. He had asked about it when he came in because I was writing the previous paragraph. When it came close to the end of his examination he was talking about medication for the migraines and excused himself for a minute which turned into a lot longer. Eventually he returned with another doctor who walked up saying “Do you remember me?”. I didn’t have a clue and didn’t even have an inkling of recognition so I chuckled and said “Are you kidding? I could of seen you five days ago and wouldn’t know you now.”.
This doctor seemed to have a different attitude laughing at my answers as if he were in on an inside joke. He went through a series of questions requiring me to remember and I finally told him “Look doc, I can’t remember stuff and half the answers I gave you were guesses” Then he got onto seizures and that led to whether I could safely drive or not. That was uncomfortable and I told him I had no trouble driving and when I slow way down I drive like an old man, nice and slow.
I was glad to get out of there and headed home, grabbing a club sandwich at Subway on the way out of town. It was a quick drive back to Toledo as I thought about the doctor’s laughter. When I got back Fred called and asked if I could take him to Kazmier’s. “Sure, now’s a good time Fred. Lets go.” I told him and so off we went. He was glad to get out of and took his time having me look for him. As always I would give him a running commentary as he wandered down isles. “Here we have beans. There are kidney beans, pork and beans, pinto beans, All kinds of beans Fred. Apple sauce? We already went past it. I’ll go back and get some.” Eventually we got done and I took Fred home.
Cherie called to tell me she would be working late. I told her I would fix dinner. Looking in the fridge I saw some of the Thai marinades and decided to use it with chicken. I ran to Kroger to get some stir fry veggies and coffee creamer. The dinner was a hit and Cherie liked it allot. We just relaxed and enjoyed each others company. Pirates of the Caribbean was on so we watched that and now I am here finishing up this entry and Cherie is going to sleep. I think I am tired and done for now. If Linda is reading I will reply to your E mail soon.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Wednesday "Free from debt" day
11/2/05 Wednesday
Well today is bankruptcy day. It will be good to get rid of the nearly quarter million dollar medical bill from my accident as well as all the other issues aggravated by the coma and rough recovery time. It will also clear up Cherie’s debts and helps us start out our marriage and new life with a clean slate.
Cherie took today off for the bankruptcy. I woke up before she did and let her sleep in. I am cognizant this morning and pray I stay that way. When we get to court will be the test because it is the stress and need to quickly formulate answers to questions that freezes this brain of mine. I think it will be OK cause our lawyer will be there and Cherie also.
The lady with TBI who had responded to my blog replied to my e mail I sent. It is good to talk with her. I should have been going to a support group but we never did. This helps me not feel so alone.
Anyway we went to the lawyers at 12:00 and he reviewed things with us, telling us practical things like speak instead of nodding your head because it is being tape recorded. He made sure we knew what to say for questions he knew would be asked. Fred was good at helping us understand what was going on.
We walked one block in downtown Toledo to the Ohio building. It is one of those old skyscrapers, built when architects were artists. Not that they aren’t today but the budgets nowadays don’t allow as much. We walked in the lobby and I looked with admiration at the original brass doors on the elevator with an art deco design set in the brass. When the doors opened I saw an continuation of their theme inside. Nice place.
We made it up to the floor our hearing or whatever you call it was to be on and followed Fred through several doors to the room where the trustee guy is. There were people all over the place and I felt like I was cutting in line as Fred ushered us to our seats as he said “You’ll be up real fast”. Sure enough we were.
I was not too slow but not too fast this morning, about a 7. When I am stressed and have to answer questions it gets rough. I was in a legal hearing where I was sworn in and that is reminiscent of many bad memories, I’m nervous. We sit at the table and he starts his well practiced series of questions, efficiently and quickly covering all the bases, but….On the issue of my owing the state something like $25,000 in sales tax he asked “Now regarding the back sales tax, have you filed a whoknowswhat to Whothehellisthat ?????” I didn’t understand what he said and as I tried to grasp at it I didn’t say anything for an awkward amount of time, then I asked him “What do you mean?” He tried to explain it and asked me again if I had done this task. By now I was confused so I explained to him I was in a coma and couldn’t remember what I had done. At this things came to a quick conclusion and we were done. I thanked Fred as he stopped by for a quick word before he had to sit with his next client and we were gone.
By this time I was real slowed down, about a three. At least I wasn’t stuttering. Cherie suggested we eat at the Garden Café so I turned in. We got a seat quickly despite the place being busy as always. I really wasn’t doing well because of all the activity and noise just kinda assailed me. I ordered a Rueben and Cherie got the spinach salad she likes. Time seemed to be just creeping along as we waited for our order. The food was great but I was glad when we got done.
We came home and I called Fred to take him to get his medicine. He wanted to do it later but I told him I was going to Allen’s then so he asked for ten minutes and we left. I drove Fred one block to Rite Aid and waited for him to get his prescription. It didn’t take long and I took Fred home. After I dropped him off I went to the bank and got some money out for herbal medicines and to have something in the wallet.
I called Allen at 2:00 and woke him up. I was supposed to be there at 2:00 and called to say I would be late. He asked for me to come at 3:30 but I talked him into 3:00 because I didn’t want to be there any later than I needed.
Allen isn’t doing too well. His stomach is having sharp pains and he was curled up under a blanket with a grimace on his face. “I don’t know what’s wrong, I just hurt” he told me. I know what’s wrong, Allen’s out of pills and he is going through withdrawals. It is a crime that he can’t get the medical help he needs for his pain. We didn’t talk much and, after letting him know he can call me if he needs anything, I said “I probably should go now”.
I called Cherie as I drove home watching the sun go down and had her meet me outside so we can go to the park and walk before it gets dark. She was in the parking lot when I drove in and had both gotten my coat and the camera we’ve been using so much lately. (I’ll get some more pictures up later) We walked and communed, stopping every now and then to soak in the beauty of nature or to listen for deer. It was getting dark rapidly as it does when there is not a cloud in the sky. The forest was taking on that grey look with black tangles of vines and branches it gets at dusk. This was enhanced by the bareness that extended our sight, unimpeded by leaves that had now fallen to the ground.
There were no deer and the path we were on seemed new to me. I stopped to admire a place where Swan Creek gently ran over some rocks and told Cherie how glad I was we came this way. She said we had been there before and pointed to some tree roots that had been exposed by the rushing waters. “Remember? You took pictures of those roots” she told me. As I recognized the tree roots some of the rest became familiar again. That is one of the blessings of short term memory loss. I get to enjoy the same thing for the first time over and over again. We saw the tree that stood out so vibrantly last week that I took a picture of it that you can see up above. It was bald, all the leaves gone except a few stragglers at the top. Winter is coming fast.
After that we went shopping for some boots for me with no luck. I actually went to more than one store looking for something. What! Bob shopping? Now I know I’m married cause I am catching this stuff from Cherie. We’re sharing our diseases. She cooks better and I went shopping. Hey! I love it. Life is good.
We hit Taco Bell and came home where, amazingly enough, I sit typing at this moment. I quit for the night. Cherie read the whatchamacallit thing I wrote about the bankruptcy and just about split her sides laughing. I love to make her laugh. See ya guys. Hey if you like this tell some friends to check me out. I have been getting more E mails and Eileen phoned us today to say how much she liked it. As I realize there are more and more people reading this I think that with that comes a responsibility. I will ponder that for a bit.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Tuesday 11-1-05
11/1/05 Tuesday
Wow! Another month gone by in a flash. Time moves quickly when you can’t remember much of what happened in the days before. I can remember lots of things when I go back in this journal for that is one of the reason’s I keep it. It serves as a key to unlock those memories. Not only has the month gone by in a flash but so has the years since my accident.
When I looked at the last part of yesterdays entry I thought I should explain something to keep up with one of the purposes of this journal. That is to bring understanding of TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). I guess it would be more accurate to say “understanding of MY TBI” because everyone’s injury can have different symptoms depending on the extent and locations of the damage. There are some commonalities in most TBI’s such as short term memory loss and the diminishing of emotional control I have. Not only do I have a problem with getting angry and expressing it but I will start crying when a movie hits an emotional moment. Both are embarrassing to me. Of course there is always something positive to be found in anything if you look for it. For me it is in expressing my love for Cherie. No embarrassment there at all.
Last night I checked the E mail address I set up for the blog and was pleased to see a message from one of the readers of the blog. She is also one who has a brain injury. I wasn’t sure if it was 26 years ago she sustained it or if she was 26 years old but it is good to find a kindred spirit. It also helps me know there are readers out there because I get very few responses and it encourages me to keep on. As she briefly described what she has endured since her accident it was a mirror of my experiences in many ways. I hope she continues to write.
It is 11:40 now and I just got back from taking Fred to Big Lots so he could replace the hose to his shower head. Yesterday I ran him around looking for a washer for it because he thought that was why it was spraying all over the place. I had offered to help him fix it but he said he wasn’t helpless and could do it. He is proud like I am and doesn’t want to admit his weaknesses.
It took me two or three years before I would even use the word “disability” when referring to myself. I still don’t like it but have faced up to the fact that I can’t do what I once did. Now I can still do lots and retain much of the intelligence I was blessed with. Some assume I am kind of stupid because of things like not recognizing who I met yesterday but they are mistaken. What I can’t do is process information quickly or deal with multiple issues at the same time.
When Fred called to have me take him to the store he said that Barb wanted me to take her to the church for the food hand out. We had gone through this yesterday when Fred had bought $40.00 of food and we took it to Barb. I told her then I wouldn’t take her so she did what she does. She called Fred and gave him the “I’m starving” guilt trip. I told Fred this morning that I wouldn’t take her so he asked why. I told him I didn’t want to and on his questioning of that told him that I didn’t appreciate how she was acting towards me. When I was driving Fred to Big Lots he brought it up again. I told Fred that Barb gets a check every week for food but she no longer has me taking her to cash it and then to buy groceries. “That money is going somewhere Fred and there is a good chance it’s drugs” I explained. “Fred, you just bought her $40.00 of food yesterday and she has a check coming this week. I will take her to cash the check and then straight to the grocery store to buy food with it but she has to learn how to handle her money because you won’t always be there to bail her out. Beside that I will not do anything that helps her buy drugs.” He tried to bribe me by telling me he will fill up the car even though it is my turn to do so. I really don’t care about the money and am bothered that he would spend $30.00 to get me to take Barb to a food handout where she gets maybe $15.00 worth of food. He is old and his thinking has been going downhill over the two years I have been driving him around. I will do what I can to protect him from himself, Barb, and anyone else who would take advantage of him.
Cherie came home for lunch and I always enjoy her presence. She asked if I have eaten and of course I haven’t. It amazes me that I am getting so fat when I don’t feel the sensation of hunger and forget to eat. She fixed me a chicken sandwich that was so stuffed I had to take it apart and make two sandwiches out of it. We talked about our day and she asked me to make dinner. I love it when she asks me to do things but she seldom does, I think because she feels she must take care of me and do everything. She is getting better at scheduling things for me to do. This is important so I don’t just vegetate.
I am operating at about an 8 today as you can tell by the fact I am writing lots. Right now I will get into the software we bought to help me design the website. No wait. Cherie wanted me to scan a picture of her parents into the computer and touch it up so she can send it to the Toledo Blade for their 50th wedding anniversary. I better do that now while it is on the brain because it will disappear in five minutes if I start anything else. I’ll be back.
I got that done, or at least a part of it. I will have to play with it to get it right and will need Cherie’s advise regarding what looks good and what doesn’t. I am getting tired and probably should take my afternoon nap. Kind of hate to waste the time but it will help me be more there later. I think I will take the manual for the new web building software and read it in bed. If I fall asleep fine but if I don’t I have not wasted the time.
As I tried to read I found that I was getting lost and couldn’t follow the book. It is another slow down. I turned the TV on and after a bit turned it off and curled up under the covers. Carman jumped on the bed and came up to my face purring and demanding attention. I petted him a bit but that got old. I couldn’t really sleep so just got up. The headache is here so I suppose I should take aspirin and Tramadol for it.
I have been thinking of my brother and also of my two boys. I will try to call them again. My ex wife Barb answered the phone when I called. She told me Adam is working two jobs so he is gone from 9:00 AM till 11:00 at night. That is a pretty busy schedule so I understand his not returning calls. I asked Barb to leave a message and hung up. I have no interest in talking to Barb and doubt she wants to talk to me. Too much pain there and we can’t talk civilly anyway.
I hate these slow downs. This one isn’t too bad, I’m running at a 6 or so. Maybe I will try to carve.
No I won’t. The slow down is getting worse. I got dinner started. It is scalloped potatoes and I put the kielbasa in with it so they can cook together. Don’t have a clue how that will work out. I am probably at a three or four. Typing in slow motion. Won’t really know till Cherie comes home cause when I talk I can tell better.
Cherie came home from work and asked if I wanted to go to the park. I had gone to bed by then and she was concerned, knowing I was not up to speed. The park was a good idea regardless of how I felt and I know how much she enjoys it so we went. When I am slow my control of the right side is diminished so I limp badly. Walking helps that and also I believe it helps the slow downs by increasing the blood flow to the brain. We took Cherie’s camera this time because my digital camera doesn’t work well in poor lighting. There were more deer out than we have ever seen before. Probably eight or so. Regardless it is always good to spend time with Cherie.
Bruce returned my call a little while ago. He called from Colorado where he is going through desert and urban warfare training. He will be deployed to Iraq in December. I asked him to call when he gets back home so I could see him before he leaves. He told me about the hardships he is discovering about being a home owner. While he was gone he had one of Adams friends house sit and the kid had a party or two causing some damage. Adam is working two jobs now and Bruce said it was so he could move out of his mom’s house. (The one I bought and she took in the divorce)
I love those two boys and deeply regret not being involved in their lives. The divorce and the slide into madness I had with the depression was a big factor in my losing touch with the boys and then the wreck and brain damage added four years to my absence. I hope to restore my relationship with them but it will be hard.
It is getting late now so I will end today’s entry and retire for the night. Bye y’all.
Wow! Another month gone by in a flash. Time moves quickly when you can’t remember much of what happened in the days before. I can remember lots of things when I go back in this journal for that is one of the reason’s I keep it. It serves as a key to unlock those memories. Not only has the month gone by in a flash but so has the years since my accident.
When I looked at the last part of yesterdays entry I thought I should explain something to keep up with one of the purposes of this journal. That is to bring understanding of TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). I guess it would be more accurate to say “understanding of MY TBI” because everyone’s injury can have different symptoms depending on the extent and locations of the damage. There are some commonalities in most TBI’s such as short term memory loss and the diminishing of emotional control I have. Not only do I have a problem with getting angry and expressing it but I will start crying when a movie hits an emotional moment. Both are embarrassing to me. Of course there is always something positive to be found in anything if you look for it. For me it is in expressing my love for Cherie. No embarrassment there at all.
Last night I checked the E mail address I set up for the blog and was pleased to see a message from one of the readers of the blog. She is also one who has a brain injury. I wasn’t sure if it was 26 years ago she sustained it or if she was 26 years old but it is good to find a kindred spirit. It also helps me know there are readers out there because I get very few responses and it encourages me to keep on. As she briefly described what she has endured since her accident it was a mirror of my experiences in many ways. I hope she continues to write.
It is 11:40 now and I just got back from taking Fred to Big Lots so he could replace the hose to his shower head. Yesterday I ran him around looking for a washer for it because he thought that was why it was spraying all over the place. I had offered to help him fix it but he said he wasn’t helpless and could do it. He is proud like I am and doesn’t want to admit his weaknesses.
It took me two or three years before I would even use the word “disability” when referring to myself. I still don’t like it but have faced up to the fact that I can’t do what I once did. Now I can still do lots and retain much of the intelligence I was blessed with. Some assume I am kind of stupid because of things like not recognizing who I met yesterday but they are mistaken. What I can’t do is process information quickly or deal with multiple issues at the same time.
When Fred called to have me take him to the store he said that Barb wanted me to take her to the church for the food hand out. We had gone through this yesterday when Fred had bought $40.00 of food and we took it to Barb. I told her then I wouldn’t take her so she did what she does. She called Fred and gave him the “I’m starving” guilt trip. I told Fred this morning that I wouldn’t take her so he asked why. I told him I didn’t want to and on his questioning of that told him that I didn’t appreciate how she was acting towards me. When I was driving Fred to Big Lots he brought it up again. I told Fred that Barb gets a check every week for food but she no longer has me taking her to cash it and then to buy groceries. “That money is going somewhere Fred and there is a good chance it’s drugs” I explained. “Fred, you just bought her $40.00 of food yesterday and she has a check coming this week. I will take her to cash the check and then straight to the grocery store to buy food with it but she has to learn how to handle her money because you won’t always be there to bail her out. Beside that I will not do anything that helps her buy drugs.” He tried to bribe me by telling me he will fill up the car even though it is my turn to do so. I really don’t care about the money and am bothered that he would spend $30.00 to get me to take Barb to a food handout where she gets maybe $15.00 worth of food. He is old and his thinking has been going downhill over the two years I have been driving him around. I will do what I can to protect him from himself, Barb, and anyone else who would take advantage of him.
Cherie came home for lunch and I always enjoy her presence. She asked if I have eaten and of course I haven’t. It amazes me that I am getting so fat when I don’t feel the sensation of hunger and forget to eat. She fixed me a chicken sandwich that was so stuffed I had to take it apart and make two sandwiches out of it. We talked about our day and she asked me to make dinner. I love it when she asks me to do things but she seldom does, I think because she feels she must take care of me and do everything. She is getting better at scheduling things for me to do. This is important so I don’t just vegetate.
I am operating at about an 8 today as you can tell by the fact I am writing lots. Right now I will get into the software we bought to help me design the website. No wait. Cherie wanted me to scan a picture of her parents into the computer and touch it up so she can send it to the Toledo Blade for their 50th wedding anniversary. I better do that now while it is on the brain because it will disappear in five minutes if I start anything else. I’ll be back.
I got that done, or at least a part of it. I will have to play with it to get it right and will need Cherie’s advise regarding what looks good and what doesn’t. I am getting tired and probably should take my afternoon nap. Kind of hate to waste the time but it will help me be more there later. I think I will take the manual for the new web building software and read it in bed. If I fall asleep fine but if I don’t I have not wasted the time.
As I tried to read I found that I was getting lost and couldn’t follow the book. It is another slow down. I turned the TV on and after a bit turned it off and curled up under the covers. Carman jumped on the bed and came up to my face purring and demanding attention. I petted him a bit but that got old. I couldn’t really sleep so just got up. The headache is here so I suppose I should take aspirin and Tramadol for it.
I have been thinking of my brother and also of my two boys. I will try to call them again. My ex wife Barb answered the phone when I called. She told me Adam is working two jobs so he is gone from 9:00 AM till 11:00 at night. That is a pretty busy schedule so I understand his not returning calls. I asked Barb to leave a message and hung up. I have no interest in talking to Barb and doubt she wants to talk to me. Too much pain there and we can’t talk civilly anyway.
I hate these slow downs. This one isn’t too bad, I’m running at a 6 or so. Maybe I will try to carve.
No I won’t. The slow down is getting worse. I got dinner started. It is scalloped potatoes and I put the kielbasa in with it so they can cook together. Don’t have a clue how that will work out. I am probably at a three or four. Typing in slow motion. Won’t really know till Cherie comes home cause when I talk I can tell better.
Cherie came home from work and asked if I wanted to go to the park. I had gone to bed by then and she was concerned, knowing I was not up to speed. The park was a good idea regardless of how I felt and I know how much she enjoys it so we went. When I am slow my control of the right side is diminished so I limp badly. Walking helps that and also I believe it helps the slow downs by increasing the blood flow to the brain. We took Cherie’s camera this time because my digital camera doesn’t work well in poor lighting. There were more deer out than we have ever seen before. Probably eight or so. Regardless it is always good to spend time with Cherie.
Bruce returned my call a little while ago. He called from Colorado where he is going through desert and urban warfare training. He will be deployed to Iraq in December. I asked him to call when he gets back home so I could see him before he leaves. He told me about the hardships he is discovering about being a home owner. While he was gone he had one of Adams friends house sit and the kid had a party or two causing some damage. Adam is working two jobs now and Bruce said it was so he could move out of his mom’s house. (The one I bought and she took in the divorce)
I love those two boys and deeply regret not being involved in their lives. The divorce and the slide into madness I had with the depression was a big factor in my losing touch with the boys and then the wreck and brain damage added four years to my absence. I hope to restore my relationship with them but it will be hard.
It is getting late now so I will end today’s entry and retire for the night. Bye y’all.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Sunday 103105
10/30/05 Sunday
I am up now. It is 7:52. Woke up at 7:00. Cherie has been up for a while and is cooking banana bread which smells great. I woke up with a headache which doesn’t bode well. That isn’t always a precursor to a slow down. If I am lucky it will just be a headache. Right now I seem to be operating at a 6 or 7 on the Bob scale.
When I went to refill my pill minder I discovered that I have been taking the 100 milligram pills instead of the 150s. I have asked Cherie to help me track slow downs to see how they relate to taking this seizure medication. This week I will be going to the Ann Arbor VA hospital for the neurology clinic where we will discuss this. All I want is to have this brain work all the time. I no that will probably never happen but hey it’s good to dream.
We are getting ready to go to church and my brain function has risen to an 8. Kinda want to stay and write but won’t. We got to go now.
10/31/05 Monday
It is 4:00 now. I just got back from taking Fred to the store where he bought food for Barb. I did not hide my thoughts on how Barb is taking advantage of him and that he was buying food for Basil as well. Basil makes good money as a brick layer but he doesn’t contribute much if anything. When we took the food in Barb had an attitude and asked me to leave so she could talk to Fred. He says she showed him the TV in her bedroom that wasn’t there before. I personally think she asked me to leave because she was again going to take advantage of his blindness when she showed it to him. Who knows what she showed him but she sure didn’t want me around for it.
Fred asked me what was going on between me and Barb and I told him I don’t like being lied to or how she takes advantage of him. He asked if I could take her to the church on Sylvania Ave. for the food and I was till she gave me the attitude. I don’t have time to help those who don’t appreciate it at all.
I was up till late last night. Right now I can’t recall what I did after church. I think I went to see the movie Doom with Allen and when I went to Saturdays entry I see that was what I planned. I know I saw the movie with him just couldn’t place the day till now.
The movie sucked and after I went back to Allen’s we watched his satellite TV and talked. He is not doing well and as I watched him interact with his fish I could see how close to the edge he is. He told me that the fish are a godsend to him and may have kept him from suicide. He would sit there and talk to them like they could hear and understand what he said. Cherie and I do that with our cat Carmen in a way, and so do lots of people but it seemed different with Allen. He is so isolated that the fish may serve as his safe outlet to express himself. I didn’t find an opportune time to talk with Allen about the pain pills but will try when it is right.
I am tired and in a negative mood. Don’t like it and will stay out of circulation for now because I can’t trust myself at these times to not cuss someone out for next to nothing. No tolerance for bull s--- now. I don’t like to even drive at these times because that brings the aggression out.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Did it work?
But Wait. I figured out how to do the picture thing that has driven me crazy for a week or two so I will do it again to help cement this into my brain.
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