We are what we pretend to be

2/20/12 Monday
It’s getting busy here now. Start working for a friend building oil field trucks today. That will last 3 months or so. On top of that we have been approved for the new business where we will secure and clean up foreclosed homes in a 5 county area and will start that in earnest soon. Things are still in process for the home energy analysis business in addition to building an RV park. I am wondering if we are biting off more than we can chew with all this. Things struggled along for so long and now it suddenly seems to open up. I’m still working on the model AA Ford truck and there is lots of work to do for the two widows we help. Plus we are in training for two Kairos Prison Ministry events coming up in April. Last, but perhaps most important, is this burden on my heart to start a bible study in Stanton that will reach out to all those who are less accepted in the area.

I reached out to the pastor who seems to think so poorly of me again, sent her an email expressing our love and concern for her and those she leads. Here is her response “Bob I quit reading your messages,a long time ago, because they are all alike. They point judgment at all other people. You are supper spiritual and perfect. So you might not want to waste your time writing. We are not the only ones who have released you to find a place you liked better . Because you complained about all of us all the time. I hope you have found a church that you are not condemning constantly.”

How sad this makes me to read. I’m sad and feel bad for her and the apparent blindness she has to herself. She first says I “Point judgment at ALL other people” and in the next sentence proceeds to judge who I am, calling me “supper spiritual” (I’m sure she meant super, not supper) and “perfect”. The fact is I reached out for over a year just to sit down and talk, which she refused and avoided, so she hasn’t even taken the time to know who I am. But this statement from her reveals the opinion she has developed and confirms the gossip she promotes to justify her actions. Somehow, being spiritual is a bad thing and being perfect is a horrible goal to try for. The poison of jealousy and envy have eaten deep into Jannie’s soul and she continues to harden her heart against doing what Jesus so clearly instructed. Here is the email I sent to her that garnered this response.

Dear Jannie, God continues to place you on my heart and I must obey Him for the scriptures clearly say that if someone knows what is right to do and does not do it, he sins. So I will continue to reach out along with daily praying for you and Hosanna. Hebrews 12:14 says Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

You accused me of using the scriptures to manipulate you and others. I simply try my best to live by what the scriptures say, for to do otherwise makes me a hypocrite. Whatever my motive in quoting the Word of God may be, it doesn't change the truth of His Word. Jesus said to judge by the fruits and the fruit of what happened at Hosanna was division. Jesus prayed for unity before He surrendered to be killed, so that we can be free from sin. It is Love that is the mark of a true Christian and the church. The devil steals, kills, and causes division, Christ brings love and unity.

I saw you at the post office the other day. I waited patiently so that I could say "Hi" and show Christ's love. It was with great sadness I watched you work to avoid any contact and ducked out the front door with your eyes to the ground so as to not even look at me. Do you even understand how this must break Jesus' heart?

Do you not realize why your prayers no longer have the power they once did? God sent me to serve you and to help you see. Pride blinds us all when we allow it to have a place in our life. Jealousy and envy are cancers of the spirit that cause much harm to the body of Christ. Gossip is an evil God hates for He knows how it spreads poison.

Jesus was clear many times when He instructed us to talk to each other, to expose what is done in darkness, to reconcile and forgive, and mostly to Love God and Love our neighbor as ourselves. Are you being honest with yourself in this? Do you really believe that what you did and allowed was pleasing to our Lord? I will continue to reach out to you, to try to restore and bring about that unity and love Christ desires.

The one thing you said, as I was being shuffled out the door of the church, was "What about Linda?". I have wondered about that ever since. Of course I don't read minds and you have failed to talk to me about anything so I am at a loss about this. Linda was a sister in Christ whom Cherie and I both helped many times. She was friendly and fine until the day I had a word from the Lord for her. That word was that Satan was at the door and there was sin that would give him opportunity to come in. I now know this word was true and in fact had already come to pass. Linda's reaction was almost violent and from that time forward she cut off all communication. The only other time we talked was when I asked for her forgiveness. Her reaction to that was equally unpleasant. From that point forward we have not said one word to each other. So, what about Linda?

Jannie, you are the shepherd of God's sheep at Hosanna and thus will be held accountable for what you do and what you lead them to do. I fear for you and wonder if you truly understand that God holds you to a higher standard because of this. You know what is right to do, what God desires. I am always here, ready and hoping for resolution and restoration, for God to be exalted in our hearts as we surrender our will to His. Again my number is XXX-XXX-XXXX and you know my email address.

I went to a funeral this weekend. It was the brother of some old friends, who suddenly turned on us, going from “We love you guys” to “You are not our friends anymore” when we refused to sign over the control of our mineral rights to them. They also wear the big holy Christian label, when it is convenient. I reach out to them too, sending emails on occasion to show Christ’s love despite how they treated us. It is sad to watch such blatant hypocrisy, to see the look on their face as they avoid contact, but I continue to pray for them, to hope for the best. The problem is it is hard to change when you don’t, or won’t, recognize you did anything wrong. There is the pride, the hardened heart, and the stiffened neck, that refuse to bend or acknowledge the truth. These are the things that lead to death. It’s nothing new.

I am acutely aware of my shortcomings and examine myself daily, for I know that I will stand before God, who sees the heart and sees right through the fake front we put up, the show for others. I suspect that in trying to fool others we often deceive ourselves into thinking we are what we pretend to be. God said that what can be shaken will, that all our works will be tried with fire and when that happens only that which is true will survive. I remind myself of that, and I refuse to not be afraid, for the fear of the Lord is what keeps me on the right path. Jannie may have hurled the accusation that I am “Super spiritual and perfect” at me, thinking perhaps this would hurt or revealing her opinion of who I think I am, but I know I am a worm, not worthy of any of the many blessings I have. Jesus told of the rich Pharisee, the religious leader whom everyone looked up to, and the tax collector, who understood who he was. This is found in Luke 18.

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: 10 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' 13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' 14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Here is a core principle of our faith. The last shall be first and the first last. The greatest the least and the least will be lifted up. Jesus, the son of God, washed His disciples feet, saying this is how we should act towards others, as servants. How is it that this integral key to life is so seldom a part of our life? Why do we not hear this message often preached? Because it’s not comfortable and requires sacrifice. Sacrifice is that missing ingredient. We so often are happy to be Christians, as long as it doesn’t cost us or isn’t inconvenient. But Jesus was clear, He said we should count the cost before we even start, He said we need to die in order to live, to surrender it all.

Gotta go to work folks, bye

Life gets in the way

...2/13/12 Monday
The weeks seem to fly by. Hard to believe it’s already Monday. We had moisture yesterday. It came in the form of some snow, and then sleet. I’ll be scraping ice off Cherie’s truck this morning. It was pretty cold the last two days and I had to go get some more firewood as we already burned what I had gathered for the winter. The latest person God has found for us to help needs wood cleaned and cut from her now dead pecan orchard, just another example of how our needs are met, through helping others.

Today I plan to work on that 1929 Ford truck. The starter is fried so it got sent out for a replacement. I was blessed with a trailer to use for cleaning up the land of that person we are helping. There is lots of work to do there and some of it involves heavy lifting I am not capable of. A way will be provided, of that I am sure. She has some old vehicles out there that need to disappear. I looked carefully at them, hoping they would be worth working on but I don’t have the time or money to do so. The insides of all vehicles are trashed, from Texas heat and sun to rats, the damage is done.

This Ford Falcon is in great shape as far as the body is concerned. I think it’s a 1961 model. She doesn’t know where keys or titles are for any of these are, but they can be acquired. Most of the tires are flat so moving them will be a definite contest. The trailer I have isn’t heavy enough to haul a car or truck. Even if it was I don’t have the means to drag them up on it. Too bad I had to sell our other trailer cause it could haul a back hoe. Perhaps the person I sold it to would let me borrow it. I don’t know. If anyone reading this has an interest in any of these vehicles please let me know. They were all running when parked. The Falcon belonged to the widows mother. She had bought it new so it’s a one owner classic.

The RV they had bought with dreams of traveling, but they only used it once. He worked through his retirement, got sick, and eventually died. Unfortunately there is a leak in the roof and as a result a lot of water damage inside. The cabinets are made with particle board and that doesn’t do well with moisture. It’s sad to see this damage but such is often the way of things. Life gets in the way of plans made and dreams hoped for.

One of the seniors we help told me that she wanted to die a pauper. At first such a statement is a shocker but when she explained this more it made sense. We have all seen the problems that rise up upon someone’s death. All too often there is a seemingly sudden rise of greed and avarice, all kinds of fights, bitterness, and anger appear, causing division and broken relationships that sometimes are never resolved. To disperse the inheritance prior to death often will prevent such things from happening. On the other hand we have seen those who hang on to their possessions till the bitter end, fighting to keep what they have acquired over a lifetime, seemingly unaware that they can’t take it with them when they die. I greatly understand the fondness for those items that have strong emotional memories tied to them, mementos of good times gone and have a few keepsakes of my own. But if something has outlived it’s usefulness, no longer contributes to daily needs, and doesn’t have strong value as a memento, I would rather find someone in need to bless with it. I came into this world naked and when I leave the only thing that matters is what pleases God, the lives I touched while here on earth. Not only is it better to give than to receive but in giving there is great blessing for we share life and the goodness we have, thus expanding the good.

Had an interesting experience last week. Went to the post office to get mail and pulled up to the glass doors and wall in front. Before I got out I saw the pastor of the church that had escorted me out, saying “Don’t come back”, inside. She looked out at my truck and scurried into the post office’s counter area. Curious to see what she would do I sat there in my truck waiting, and watching her. She waited too and then finally came out of the office area, walked quickly past the doors to the other side, where she was out of sight. I debated walking in to get the mail but decided to allow her to avoid having to face me so stayed seated in my truck. It was quite a wait. Finally she figured out I was going nowhere so she rushed out the door, studiously looking at the ground so there would be no eye contact with me. How sad this is. Here is a leader in the church, a person who is bound by God to show love to all, that is running and hiding from the fruit of her actions. “Is she ashamed?” I wonder, “or perhaps embarrassed?”. I really don’t know and have a hard time understanding this level of hypocrisy. But it makes me sad to see and I can only imagine what God feels.

I have decided to go to Mary’s and work on cleaning her property instead of working on the old truck. The trailer I have is on loan and thus I feel a responsibility to make use of it as quick as I can for he may need to use it for his tree business. Plus there is so much to do there it will keep me busy for a while. Enough time writing, got to get moving.

And we are off, the start of another week

2/6/12 Monday
Monday, the start of another week. What shall I talk about? There is so much on my mind and so many things coming to fruition. Unfortunately some of the wonderful things God is putting together I won’t talk about till they happen, for there are those who would rather see us fail than succeed. This we have seen many times so have learned to keep things close to the vest, so to speak. But it is exciting to see things coming together. On the other hand we also see an increase in things that must be overcome. There are times when circumstances seem overwhelming and with that comes the battle with frustration and depression.

I remind myself daily of the scripture that says “If God be for us, who can be against us”. We still need to find a church home and there is a loneliness that comes from living in a remote location and finding it so hard to develop relationships locally. The rejection of the church people we reached out to here in Stanton still has a sting, but mostly it brings a great sadness in me. Sadness that those who publicly profess the love of Jesus in reality show none, except for those they know and like. Sadness because I know God and His word, and that there is a judgment regarding how we treat others. How I would love to reach out and talk with them, to have a conversation face to face where everything is out in the open and in the light, instead of gossip behind closed doors and hidden. It’s real simple folks, that which cause division is not from God but that which brings unity and peace is His will.

We were blessed with another person to help. Unfortunately she fell last week and broke her foot and clavicle so I plan on building rails she can hold on to as she walks out to her car. Her husband had been a farmer and she asked if I could clean up the tons of stuff laying around and take it to a scrapyard. Much of it happens to be farm equipment such as discs and livestock feeders that I need for our future hopes and plans for the farm. This is a double blessing, we can minister to and assist an elderly person and we also are provided with equipment I can’t afford to purchase. It’s old and half buried in the sand but I’m confident I can make most of it workable. The only obstacle now is I need a trailer to haul this stuff away and I am not physically strong enough to lift much of it so we will pray that God provide the means for me to do this.

We have formed and registered a company, called Westbrook Management. Under this umbrella we expect to operate several enterprises. Funding for one of them has been made available and we are working with the state of Texas on funding for another one. The third requires I find some equipment, such as a mobile air compressor and a trailer to haul lawn and maintenance equipment to job sites. It is exciting and a little scary right now. I still have great difficulty following through on tasks and the short term memory loss is a constant problem. As I write this I just remembered something I was asked to do for the State, that I had totally forgotten about and had neglected to inform Cherie. Typical in my life. I called Cherie and let her know. There is no question I depend on her a lot to keep me on track.

It’s already 12:40 and I haven’t gotten much done. I did take Trixie to the vet this morning. She has been whimpering a little and not as active as normal so we were concerned. Plus the dogs had gotten into the garbage on several occasions and one time got ahold of chicken bones, a potentially dangerous thing health wise. She has a slight pancreatic infection so the vet gave her a shot and some antibiotics.

I need to make a list of things that need to get done. There is a letter that needs to get written to a friend in Ohio, who’s phone has been disconnected. There is wood to cut for a person we are helping out. And lots more that I don’t need to put on this blog but keeping lists is important to help me remember what to do.

I think I will go cut wood and do some work at the house of the woman who fell and broke her foot and shoulder. That way I can check and make sure she is ok. So gotta get going

Dead dog lessons

2/1/12 Wednesday
Things are busy here on Westbrook Farms. The Lord has blessed us in many ways but challenges always remain before us. I had the privilege of spending two days at the prison in Fort Stockton. Was asked to speak and the subject was on spiritual fellowship. The scripture suggested by the Kairos guidebook is out of Acts chapter two. In it we find a description of the early church forming immediately after Jesus’ death and resurrection. It is fascinating for me to read about how they all gathered together, ate meals at each other’s houses, and considered all their individual possessions as community property. Later we read of how many were selling their property and donating the proceeds to the church. Why did they do this? Why is this attitude so foreign to us in these days? Read what it says in Acts chapter 2, starting at verse 42

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

So back to the question, “Why?” It goes to a question I often ask, “Do you really believe?”. There was this sense of awe, coupled with miracles that cannot be denied, magnificent wonders that there was no question about being normally impossible and coming from the God who created all things. For those who believed and accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord there was the clear understanding that they now have the gift of eternal life. As Cherie and I read the bible we become increasingly aware of the living life here on earth do. For most of us we live a “lifetime” that is full of heartache, struggle, joys, and pains, and then there is the inevitable and inescapable end, death. We work to pay bills, and some of us gather great riches and belongings.

If someone among us sold all he had and gave it away to the poor, to others who had needs, they would be labeled as a nut and I am sure relatives or others would take them to court and seek to have them declared incompetent to handle their affairs. I remember a teacher in a Sunday school class one time stating that he was glad that God didn’t require Christians to sacrifice in their giving. In fact he seemed to indicate that it was irresponsible for a follower of Christ to do so. This was quite a while back and I remember biting my tongue, holding my thoughts back because I didn’t want to cause controversy.

Jesus is clear in so many ways on this subject. He said to lend and expect nothing in return, told the rich man that if he wanted to be perfect to sell everything he has and give to the poor, and spoke of the Pharisee who gave money with great show and pomp for everyone to see versus the widow who gave only two mites, everything she had. Jesus said "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Mathew 6:19-22)

Then in Luke chapter 12 we find Jesus saying “And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

What we find here, and throughout the scriptures, is this eternal thinking. For us, here on earth, mired with our day to day tasks of survival, it’s hard to do. What I know is that on that final day, that moment when we stand before the living God, the day of judgment we must all face, on that day what we think is important will suddenly change. No longer will getting that nice car matter, no longer will impressing those around us be important, for to God the only thing that is important is what we did for the Kingdom of God. But along with that we will be judged on what we did not do as well. There is a day of accountability, a day of judgment. The commonly preached concept that if you had an emotional experience at some point in your life and “accepted” Jesus as your savior, there is nothing to worry about, is a dangerous and false doctrine.

You see, throughout the scripture we find that we are judged on what we do, on our actions. Paul, who wrote so much of what we find in the new testament, said that he buffets his body and makes it his slave, lest after having preached to so many he himself should be disqualified. It is stated in the bible that in the last days people, desiring to have their ears tickled, will draw to themselves teachers after their own desires, who will tell them what they want to hear. Jesus said there is a broad and easy path, that leads to destruction, and many are on it, but there it is a hard and narrow path that leads to eternal life, and few find it.

We are not judged on what we say we believe, though we will be held accountable for every idle word, but we will all be judged on what we do. In the reality of life, what we really believe is revealed by what we do, with the exception of those who put on a big show to impress others. God judges the heart ultimately. Read the words of Jesus as found in Mathew chapter 25.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 34 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' 37 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' 40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' 41 "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' 44 "They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?' 45 "He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' 46 "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

Understand this folks, bring it down to your heart. How we treat others, even the least, the one you think so little of, in God’s eyes is how we treat HIM. I feel so sad for those who have despitefully used us, who have had so little good to say regarding me and schemed and gossiped, for they must answer to God. So I pray daily for them, that they may realize what they have done and repent before God, and thus be made whole. They are confident in their religiosity, their self-righteousness, yet are blind to what Jesus thinks regarding it, ignoring the truth they know for it is not convenient for them. Such is the way of self-deceit.

There is so much I want to say, so much on my heart, so many truths that need to be preached, but I don’t want to weary my readers with too much at once. Let me relate what happened in the last two days. I was driving home from getting the mail and as I approached the intersection where our farm is there was a Chihuahua dog running around in the middle of the road. It seemed to have no fear or concept of the danger vehicles posed despite me blowing my horn. I slowed and was careful not to hit it. There was a truck pulled over with a guy who seemed to be rearranging things inside the cab, so I hoped the dog belonged to him and went on. From the house I watched as he drove off and could see that traffic had to slow down and stop so realized that he didn’t take the dog with him. As I plowed later I saw this little dog in the field between our house and where it had been before.

This disturbed me greatly. I knew that this little dog was in great danger, I knew that the odds were against its survival if it remained out there alone. There was the danger of the highway and other dangers as well. Coyotes would make a quick meal of it if they had a chance. I called from the tractor “Here puppy, come here dog” and saw it stop. But it headed back towards the spot I had first seen it. Now I was torn. We have rescued many dogs. Dogs dropped off at the farm or abandoned in other places, but with that has come heartbreak and great sorrow when they were later shot, poisoned, or run over on the highway. There was anger I felt, that someone cared so little for this dog that had obviously not been exposed to the dangers of highways and had probably been a house dog, but their heart was so cold as to abandon it where its odds of survival were so slim.

“Do I go and rescue this dog” I contemplated. “No” was my conclusion as I considered the problems it would cause here at home. Racal was still dealing with the jealousy he has over Duke being in the house and this little Chihuahua would certainly not fit in. Yet there is that part of me that cares for all life I had to struggle with so I hardened my heart and didn’t go get the stray. It bothered me all night. When I headed to town the next day, sure enough, there was the mangled remains of this little dog, run over where it was crossing the highway onto our farm.

It broke my heart but spoke to me as well. There is a lesson here I need to take to heart, and a lesson for all of us as well. Remember that scripture I used a few paragraphs up? The one where Jesus says “I was hungry, and you did not feed me, naked and you did not give me clothes”? This little dog represents all those people out here in our lives, who do not know God. Just as that little dog was lost and in danger of losing its life, so are so many around us. I knew that without help that dog was doomed, but I hardened my heart and did nothing about it. Now it is too late to do anything. The dog is dead. Done. Gone.

Understand how God, who so loves the world that He gave is only son to die, so that we may have life, feels regarding all these people we meet. I bear responsibility for not saving that dog. Oh, you, and I, can rationalize that away and make it OK, make excuses why it was not our responsibility, but the reality was I was the one who knew the dog was there and I was the one who did not want to make the small personal sacrifice to go and pick it up, to save it from death. How much more will God hold us responsible for the lives around us. Think about it. Go and read that scripture again and understand God’s heart and will. The early church was committed to helping each other out, committed to feeding the poor and mostly loving others as God loves us. At the prison this weekend I several times said “We are the only Jesus people here can ever see” for anyone who is a true believer understands that God desires we work to do His will, to bring life and save the lost from the certain death that comes without God.

Pray with us, that God meets our needs. Cherie’s teeth are continuing to get worse. To get all of them pulled would cost a bundle and then she would need dentures, to get them fixed is astronomical, and not something we can come close to being able to pay for. She was in great pain yesterday so I would greatly appreciate your prayers. Also pray that God makes a way for me to start a bible study here in town, for there is great need among those considered less desirable by some.

I have a widow to cut wood for and a 1929 Ford truck to work on today. Time to get moving. Remember, God is, and God loves each and every one of you.

Obama's speech

1/25/12 Wednesday
We have rain, not much, just a little drizzle. It’s cold so have a fire going. Cooked some chicken for Cherie. Right now I am working on a response to Obama’s State of the Union speech. I’d called him “Liar in Chief” on my facebook page and got someone a bit upset. He asked me to name the lies so I am taking the time to go through his speech and do just that.

Part of the difficulty with Obama’s speech is he, and his team of assistants, is careful to not be caught in an obvious lie. However Obama is an expert at bending the truth and spinning facts in such a way as to achieve his purpose. We live in an age where propaganda is so pervasive it is hardly recognized, and the sheeple often swallow whatever line they are fed. So I will go through his speech point by point.

“For the first time in nine years, there are no Americans fighting in Iraq. For the first time in two decades, Osama bin Laden is not a threat to this country. Most of al Qaeda’s top lieutenants have been defeated. The Taliban’s momentum has been broken, and some troops in Afghanistan have begun to come home.”

Ok, That’s a fact, kind of. But is this good? There are still troops in Iraq but they are not technically fighting but training and providing some guidance. Meantime Iraq is decaying into a civil war as the situation deteriorates. Iran’s influence is immense and growing so though Obama’s early withdrawal we could well end up with a worse enemy than we had. I know Obama would like to take credit for Osama Bin Laden being killed but those wheels were put in motion with President Bush so Obama inherited that blessing. Al Qaeda’s top lieutenants defeated? Taliban momentum broken? Bull. Sure we have killed many Al Qaeda leaders but there are plenty to step into their shoes. As far as the Taliban goes, many of you may not be aware that Obama has opened channels of negotiation with the Taliban and part of that negotiation involves releasing many of the prisoners we have at Guantamino Bay, along with other compromises. Troops coming home from Afghanistan? Sure, whenever it is politically expedient our president can order some home for a big false show to impress us.

The reality in all this is that we are fighting a war with an ideology, a religion that believes in lying and deceit to achieve it’s goals. And our president has done much to hide or disguise that fact. All references to “radical Islam” Muslim terrorists, and anything else that identifies violent acts as being motivated by the Islamic religious belief has been ordered purged from all official government communication. Meantime the Obama administration is funneling not just millions but billions of dollars into the hands of these radicals through all kinds of back doors and under many guises.



“In the six months before I took office, we lost nearly four million jobs. And we lost another four million before our policies were in full effect. Those are the facts. But so are these. In the last 22 months, businesses have created more than three million jobs. Last year, they created the most jobs since 2005. American manufacturers are hiring again, creating jobs for the first time since the late 1990s. Together, we’ve agreed to cut the deficit by more than $2 trillion. And we’ve put in place new rules to hold Wall Street accountable, so a crisis like that never happens again.”

Sounds good doesn’t it? That’s because it’s supposed to sound good. The 4 million jobs lost were a fact, part of what Obama inherited, however that was over a 9 month period, not six as stated. But read how carefully he states the next sentence “we lost another 4 million Before our policies were in Full effect” The reality is that took a full nine months and this includes 8 months after the trillion dollar stimulus package was passed. So despite a trillion dollars being put on the table job losses still continued. The reality is that he talks about 8 million jobs being lost but only created three million to replace them. Unemployment today is still at one of its highest points ever. And the unemployment figures used aren’t honest anyway because many have given up on finding a job and thus are no longer counted. Here is another fact. Obama has the worst job creation record of any president since world war ll.

“We will not go back to an economy weakened by outsourcing, bad debt, and phony financial profits… It’s time to apply the same rules from top to bottom: No bailouts, no handouts, and no copouts.”

Interesting. Obama was the bailout and handout president. He bailed out the banks but held no one accountable, he bailed out the auto industry, and he’s handed out billions of dollars. “No copouts” is a meaningless good sounding political phrase that has no real value.

“Right now, American oil production is the highest that it’s been in eight years. That’s right — eight years. Not only that — last year, we relied less on foreign oil than in any of the past sixteen years.”

Not really. America’s oil production is practically unchanged since 2003 and according to the Energy Information Administration is only slightly up in the last few years. Oil and gas production on federal lands directly under Obama’s control is down 40 percent compared to 10 years ago, according to Spencer Pederson, a spokesman for Representative Doc Hastings, a Washington Republican and chairman of the House Natural Resources Committee. In 2010, the U.S. signed the fewest number of offshore drilling leases since 1984.

“Lower imports are the result of lower demand, and increasing production has come despite Obama’s policies”, according to Jack Gerard, American Petroleum Institute President. Here’s another quote from someone in the industry “The losses due to the Obama administration’s death-grip on offshore drilling and its unwillingness to open federal lands or issue timely permits for exploration far outweigh any energy gains that the White House may tout this week,” Thomas Pyle, president of the Washington-based Institute for Energy Research, said in a statement.

Essentially, the increase in oil and gas production has happened despite the Obama administrations apparent efforts to stymy that growth. Oh, but he’s quick to claim credit for it.

“Take the money we’re no longer spending at war, use half of it to pay down our debt, and use the rest to do some nation-building right here at home.”

And it’s the “Let’s play with words” game. The money we spent on war we borrowed. Period. So what he is saying, in such a nice way, is that we will continue to borrow money “to pay down our debt” and keep on borrowing more for what he calls “Nation building”. What this really means is that he wants to increase domestic spending relative to what we use with the military. And all the while keep borrowing money while increasing our countries debt. Creating more debt to “pay down” debt is the height of stupidity but our country has been practicing this long before Obama became president. We now have to borrow money just to pay the interest on money we have already borrowed. Why can’t anyone in government see this is a bad course to follow? It’s like a heroin addict stealing money for his next fix and saying “this will be the last time I do this”.

“Right now, because of loopholes and shelters in the tax code, a quarter of all millionaires pay lower tax rates than millions of middle-class households.”

Blame it on the rich. That’s the popular thing to do now. The reality is that most millionaires actually pay more tax, about a 30 percent tax rate. But there are loopholes that I personally would like to see dealt with, loopholes put in by our self-serving congress. Personally I would like to see a flat tax with no loopholes.

I’m tired and have stuff to do. There is much more in Obama’s speech but it’s your country, so investigate and read up on it yourself. Don’t forget to Vote and get your friends to vote too.

Starter fell off the truck

1/14/12 Saturday
Went down to 26 degrees last night but today is the start of a nice warm up. I went to get mail and buy some diesel for the tractor but when I came out of the post office and tried to start the truck, it wouldn’t turn over. At first the starter made a grinding sound that I recognized as it not engaging the flywheel, but then it just clicked. There were several people who offered help, one went home to bring his truck back in order to give me a jump. While he was gone another fellow pulled up next to me, seeing the hood up and jumper cables out, and asked if I needed a jump. That didn’t work, the starter still just clicked. Another nice gentleman asked if I would like him to tow me home, saying he had a chain in his truck. Sounded like a good plan to me so I gratefully accepted.

When we let the truck roll back so we could attach the chain a lady coming out got my attention and pointed to a long bolt laying on the ground where I had been parked. Come to find out one of the bolts that held the starter on had broken off. The threaded part is still in the motor block. That will be an adventure to get out. Now that Cherie gets paid on a two week basis money is tight at this time of the month, but it’s always tight anyway. I will need to get a screw or thread extractor in order to clear the bolt hole, or perhaps left handed drill bits. Problem is I don’t think my drill runs in reverse but I’m pretty sure the cordless one does. When I crawled under the truck the starter fell off and broke the big wire fitting that supplies it’s juice so I have to fix that too.

I think I will go get some diesel with Cherie’s truck and run the tractor while the ground is still damp and workable. The pain level has been pretty high since yesterday, making simple movements a challenge. Can’t take the morphine till 2:00 but it barely dampened the pain yesterday so it is just something I’ll have to endure. I am tired too, though it is only 12:45. Today I am back to where I was 8 years ago regarding pain and that fatigue that comes on so easily. Reminds me just how blessed I am.

I appreciate reminders.

This morning's sunrise, over the frozen little lake our driveway becomes.

1/12/12 Thursday
As always, I am faced with the many things I have not gotten to. Was grateful for the reminders sent regarding updating the blog for the Kairos prison ministry. We were stuck in Ohio when the last Kairos event happened so I not only missed it but failed to write in the Kairos blog regarding the event. That was in September. So today I must focus on that, or I will proceed to some other thing and forget again. It is frustrating to be so smart and so dumb at the same time. And then there is the personal problem I have when I perceive that someone dismisses my opinion as having no or little value. That happened recently during a conversation so I made the decision to walk away before my frustration grew to the point I would say something I regretted. The person followed me, not allowing the escape I sought and then later called on the phone. I expressed my perception that he had a lack of respect for my opinion but he seemed unable to see that fault in himself, so I again brought the conversation to an end. There was a time when I would have just unleashed all that emotion but I continue to improve there.

The snow has all melted now. It went down to 25 degrees last night so the ground froze again, along with the lake we have in front of our house. The high is only predicted to climb up to 47 degrees or so, so it will be a cool day for sure. I had been thinking of climbing on the tractor today but may not. But I do want to take advantage of this moisture in the ground and see if I can work the soil some more in that new 5 acre plot we cleared.

Evidently this is not a plow. I don't know what you call it but was told that it is technically not a plow.


A friend stopped over the other day and helped me understand a little more regarding the equipment I have cobbled together. He had taken college courses on mechanical agriculture, or something like that, way back in his early years. I said something about trying to “plow” that new plot as he looked at my tractor and, pointing to what I had on the tractor said “That is not a plow”. I don’t remember what he called it but when we walked back to where the other bits and pieces of equipment are he pointed to the single blade I have used to create trenches for the drip irrigation and said “That’s a plow”. The other things Mark told me were to basically scratch the surface and the “plow” is what I use to break what he called “hard pan”.

This, however, is a plow. Unfortunately I only have this one that is complete, though I do have another that contains two of these, but they are worn out and the front blade is missing on one. Considering my tractor seemed unable to pull the two blade thing I pictured above it might not matter. So I will hook up the single blade and take twice as long with twice the fuel to break up the new plot of land.
Mark was surprised to hear that there are no area farmers helping me to understand these things or anything else about farming. I explained the power of gossip in this area and how some seem anxious to spread that which would inhibit anyone from being friendly with us. But on the other hand I must admit that I am not that good at reaching out to others and being friendly. I also am not good at asking for help for when we have nothing seems to come of it, with the exceptional exception of a few and the friends we have at the First Baptist church in Midland. Here in Stanton there has been very little contact and some of those we have met sometimes seem to turn and stab us in the back. There are exceptions to that general observation, but not many. Hopefully in time that will change. This town needs a good dose of the real love of Jesus, instead of the version we have experienced.

I am being pulled more and more in the direction of starting a bible study here, and will pursue it and see what happens. Have talked to several people we know and respect about it and have heard nothing negative regarding the concept. That is up to God. I am not really worthy of doing such a thing and realize intently that there comes a tremendous responsibility any time you stand up and represent God. My desire is to reach all those whom are not well looked on by others. In my conversations at the jail I perceived a definite feeling of not being accepted in local churches by those who were incarcerated there. This is so sad, and such a poor reflection on the truth of God, who’s main commandment is to Love Him with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself. That’s it. Real clear and simple, but appears to be as rare as it is clear.

Last Sunday Cherie and I had church and communion at home. We feel it vitally important to have the Lord’s supper, to remember through the bread and wine that He died so that we may have life. During the devotional we had together we read how Abraham “Walked before the Lord”. “What does that mean, to walk before the Lord?” I asked Cherie, fully intending to answer my question. But I will ask you too, all who read this, what does it mean to walk before the Lord?

The scriptures talk extensively about how we walk, both before and with the Lord, and also walking in the vanity of our own mind as well as in sin, following the paths of others who are not pleasing to God. In Genesis 5 we find this rather mysterious statement “Enoch walked with God ; and he was not, for God took him.” The sentence before that said “Then Enoch walked with God three hundred years after he became the father of Methuselah, and he had other sons and daughters. 23 So all the days of Enoch were three hundred and sixty-five years”. It would seem that Enoch began walking with God after the birth of his son, Methuselah. I believe that there is a delicate line, a point where you have advanced past “walking before” the Lord to that level of spirituality where you are walking “With” the Lord.

Before their sin, their act of pride in the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden daily. It was a time of fellowship and communion, when there was nothing to stand in the way between them, it was the way God intended when He created them, but that fellowship and communion was disrupted by their sin. Enoch, apparently achieved that level of righteousness and purity that I so would like to come close to, and God simply took him to heaven.

Before you can walk with God, you must walk before Him. Here is the scripture I had read that brought this up with Cherie and I. “Now when Abram was ninety-nine years old, the LORD appeared to Abram and said to him, "I am God Almighty ; Walk before Me, and be blameless.” Enoch was 65 and Abram was 99 so that gives me hope at my young 56 years of age.

Listen then, while I tell you what I believe it means to “Walk Before The Lord”. When you are before someone, you are in their presence and very aware that they are examining you. In court you appear “before” a judge, whose job it is to study what you say and even how you say it. To walk before the Lord then is to be constantly aware of His almighty presence. I am sure many will say that they are constantly conscious of God’s presence but I would be careful with that. I know that I am not, despite longing to achieve that awareness.

Let’s be real. We behave often according to the company we are in. When your father or mother is present most of us watch our P’s and Q’s carefully. When you are with the pastor or priest there is little question that you would be on your “best” behavior. But then you get around some rowdy friends, and that all changes. I find myself being easily drawn into their mode of conversation and sometimes catch myself saying or agreeing with things that I would be ashamed to talk about in front of certain others, and more importantly to God. To Walk before the Lord means to be acutely aware that there are no secrets and nothing is hidden from God, and that we will all give account for every word we speak, especially if that word causes spiritual harm to another.

This is the start of the day. At least as far as this blog is concerned because it is somehow already 2:00. I hope to visit the jail today, and need to despite many other things to do. There is nothing more important than the eternal life available to all, nothing. Bye now. Be good and remember that there is a God and He really does love you. I have many friends who don’t share this belief and read this blog, but I don’t apologize for possibly offending or causing them discomfort. They should know that I love them and judge no one for not sharing the same convictions I have. Been there so very much understand.

I'm fed up, tired of this constant self serving

Received this email today. I don't do the forward thing but I will post this on my blogs.

Congress Unexplainable, Inexcusable
Col. Amos wrote, "Please forward this to every one you know, we need a 28th Amendment along these lines. No one has been able to explain to me why young men and women serve in the U.S. Military for 20 years, risking their lives protecting freedom, and only get 50% of their pay. While Politicians hold their political positions in the safe confines of the capital, protected by these same men and women, and receive full pay retirement after serving one term. It just does not make any sense. Monday on Fox news they learned that the staffers of Congress family members are exempt from having to pay back student loans. This will get national attention if other news networks will broadcast it. When you add this to the below, just where will all of it stop?
Governors of 35 states have filed suit against the Federal Government for imposing unlawful burdens upon them. It only takes 38 (of the 50) States to convene a Constitutional Convention. If you agree, please pass it on. This is an idea that we should address. For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term, that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws. The latest is to exempt themselves from the Healthcare Reform... in all of its forms. Somehow, that doesn't seem logical. We do not have elite that is above the law. I truly don't care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent, or whatever. The self-serving must stop. If each person that receives this will forward it on to 20 people, in three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message. This is one proposal that really should be passed around.
Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution: "Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States..

How I love the Lord

1/4/12 Wednesday
How I love the Lord, who has raised me from the dead and given me life. Today is a windy day. I had planned to get out and working on that old 29 AA Ford truck by now but keep remembering things I must do. Right now I am going to write one of our lawyer friends about an injustice I became aware of through my prison ministry. I am not free to give details so won’t. There are too many who read this blog with the intention of tracking what we are doing so that they can interfere where possible. They don’t worry me for we are God’s servants and He takes care of us, and thus those who work against us are in reality working against God’s children. The last thing I would want to do is give God a reason to come against me.

I went and picked up mail so on the way back stopped and got a burrito from the little roadside stand on the main highway through town. Told the girl I wanted one of their world famous burritos and explained it would be world famous because I talked about it on this blog. Well, that might be stretching things a bit but I do have people around the world who read this so not too much. She asked what the websites name was and I told her, but figure I’d better hurry up and talk about the burrito’s so I wouldn’t be a liar. They are chili verde burritos, and are usually quite spicy, but the one today was pretty mild, made I’m sure for your average Joe’s tastes. Personally I like the heat. But they are good for sure and priced right, so if ever you come through Stanton and come down the business 20 road, look for a little roadside building with a carport metal awning set up in front and stop in for some good food.

Finally got the plowing figured out. Seems that my tractor doesn’t have what it takes to pull three plow blades through this tough Texas dirt, at least not now that it has dried some. Perhaps when there is a fresh rain it will. I attached the two bladed plow and finished the new five acre plot. Two plow blades make only one hill, or whatever it’s called, between two furrows, so it takes a lot of passes to cover the five acres. I used about $40 worth of diesel on that small plot of land, between discing it twice and plowing once. That’s a chunk of change for sure. I am studying further making bio diesel from vegetable oil and when I brought it up with some big farmers who are in the prison ministry with me it sure sparked some interest. So I know that anyone who wants to save money (and who doesn’t want to do that?) and uses diesel fuel would be a potential customer.

That’s it for now. I will not get into a bible verse for that would lead me to spend an hour or more digging into it. For those who have found their prayers no longer have the power they once had I will simply suggest you read Isaiah 59 to learn why. We pray every day for those who gossip and hate, doing so in the name of the Lord in their blind self-righteousness, asking God to have mercy on them but more importantly to bring them to understand how wrong they are.

Happy new year, I hope, and pray

+1/2/12 Monday
2012 is finally here. What do we expect for this coming new year? While most people like to talk about all the good things that they want to happen, or expect to happen, I prefer to live in reality. Do I want to sound a trumpet of positive things? Certainly I do, but I see the handwriting on the wall in so many ways that I can’t honestly do so. We hear this phrase “The handwriting on the wall” many times, but do you know where it came from? It is found in the book of Daniel, chapter 5.

It was in Babylon, that great city which is no more but is talked much about in biblical prophecy, so will, or perhaps already has, come again. Anyway, Belshazzar was now king after his father, Nebuchadnezzar, had died. He was having a great party and all were drinking and having a grand time, when a hand appeared out of nowhere and began writing on the wall. No one could interpret what the handwriting said so Daniel, the man of God, was summoned. The king promised gold, silver, and one third of the kingdom. Daniel told the king he could keep his gold and rewards, “Give them to someone else” he said. Then Daniel explained to the king what the writing said. "This is the interpretation of the message : 'MENE '-God has numbered your kingdom and put an end to it. 27 " 'TEKEL '-you have been weighed on the scales and found deficient. 28 " 'PERES '-your kingdom has been divided and given over to the Medes and Persians."

And so it was. Now I don’t see a ghostly hand writing on a wall, I see the whole world teetering on an edge, with lots of people anxious to push it over, ready to take advantage of all the instability. There are many who have designs to accomplish various goals in this day and age. Some are socialist, some anarchist, communist, and then the religious groups, mostly various versions of Islamist. Many desire to see the United States come to ruin, for this nation, with it’s powerful military, has traditionally been a guardian of morality. Sadly though that morality has been eroded and changed, so that what was right is now seen as wrong, and what once was considered wrong is promoted as right and any who don’t see it that way are branded as intolerant.

With the decline of moral standards comes a cancer of wanton decay. And in the process the one true God is being driven out of any form of influence. Now I know that one true God, having met Him just a few years ago, and I know that He has had plans long foretold for these last days. True to those prophesies of old we find many who hold to a form of Godliness but deny it’s power. They have created their God in a box who lets them do what they want without fear. That lack of fear, no comprehension of accountability, a sense and false doctrine that they can do anything they want and it’s all forgiven, leads many who wear that “Christian” label to do the very things God despises, and call it good.

Jesus said that there are two commandment we must keep. Love the Lord with all our hearts, soul, and strength. And the second is to love our neighbor as ourselves. But we see so many who are busy backbiting and gossiping, busy tearing down and causing division, looking down their noses at others, all the while saying “Look at me. I’m so spiritual and right”. Jesus also said that the way we treat the LEAST of His little ones is the way He feels we treat Him. The LEAST??? That would be the ones we think less of, the ones who are poor, ragged, caught up in various sins, who are hard to love. We know a lot of people who sure do love themselves a lot. They are proud of all they have done and anxious for everyone to know it, they are proud of all the money and success they have, and make sure you respect them for it. Now if we could only get them to love others as much as they love themselves it would be a very different world.

I see the handwriting of the world’s finances written on the walls too. That bubble will burst, come crashing down, and it won’t be pretty. But our leaders seem blind to the obvious. We, the United States, sent ten million dollars to China as part of a government program. Where did the ten million come from? We borrowed it from China, who has purchased much of our debt. Social Security has turned into a giant Ponzi scheme and anyone who can do simple math can clearly see that the money coming in is far less than the money promised to go out. On top of that our government has long been raiding Social Security coffers and thus stealing the money for use in other areas of Government.

It’s not just us. All of Europe, the European Union, and their currency, the Euro, is in shambles. We are bailing out country after country and despite publicly stating otherwise we are supporting the Euro through financial shenanigans. There is Greece, Great Briton, Scotland, and the list goes on of countries that are spending more than they bring in, the head of that list goes to the United States of America. None of us, as individuals, can spend consistently more than we make, can borrow more money than we know we can pay back, without understanding that there is a consequence. Yet that is what the whole world is doing.

Some of my welding attempts


And there are so many hair triggers out there in the world, so many little things that can precipitate crisis. Right now Iran is holding out the threat of blocking oil flow through the strait of Hormuz, where 40% of our oil comes from. There is a new dictator of North Korea, Organized crime has long controlled the Russian government, and in these along with many other cases there are nuclear missiles and bombs waiting to be unleashed.

Here at home there is so much that most of Americans seem to choose not to be aware of. There have been laws enacted that our government has put into place to deal with any potential economic or social crisis. Detention centers have been built, designed to house and imprison hundreds of thousands of people. Just on new year’s eve president Obama signed into law a bill giving our military unlimited powers to detain, and even kill, any who are deemed as domestic terrorists, and the law at the same time dismantles our constitutional bill of rights. Thus anyone deemed as an “Enemy combatant”, despite being a born American citizen, no longer has the right to a trial or even to be represented by an attorney. I’m not making this up. It’s all out there publicly available to see, but no one is looking, or at least not many. Those that do make an outcry find their voices muted. Our mainstream media only prints and broadcasts the company line, ie what our government wants us to know. The government is working fast to control the internet too, that last bastion of free speech left.

There is so much more I see. Food and the ability to obtain it will become a vital concern, and one that new laws have been put into place to control. But what about the positive things? God knew this was going to be, and talked about it through His prophets thousands of years ago. The descriptions of those last days are so horrendous that many Christians have developed a doctrine that says we will all escape it. But that doctrine is false and doesn’t hold up to a close study of what the bible says. What it does say is that we will be hated by all men for Christ’s sake, we will be persecuted and even killed for our faith. Then Christ will return as a conquering messiah, and put an end to all this terrible pain, for just a thousand years. After that the devil will be released again and things will once again become ugly. Why? Why? Because in the end God is interested in those who will stay true, who pass the test so to speak. It is not going to be easy folks, but when all is said and done the reward is great, eternal life in heaven.

Jesus said that the way is broad and easy that leads to destruction, but the way is hard that leads to eternal life and there are few who find it. So prepare yourself for the days to come. My desire is that all make it to eternal life but the reality is all won’t. So I sound the trumpet of warning. Make straight the way of the Lord, strengthen your selves and put on the full armor of God in preparation for the fight to come. Don’t take the easy way for that leads to destruction.

Meantime I finally got the plow to work. Took lots of trial and error. I welded and found I didn’t weld good so I welded again. Went and got another tank of oxygen so I could try to gas weld the plow, but that didn’t work good either. Then I turned that little miniature arc welder up full blast and that seemed to work better.

Going out with the plow and tractor I discover that I have much to learn. It kept bogging down the tractor so I had to keep adjusting things. Then one side would dig in so I made a block that helps keep the plow centered. That seems to work better now. Today, after I charge the battery up again, I will go try again.

So what do I do after I get this plowed? I really don’t have a clue. We do not own a seeder device that can put seeds in the ground so it will all have to be done by hand. What will I plant? Don’t know that either. We have some blackeyed peas left to plant. However there is the question of drought. We’ve been in drought for 2 years now. Will this year be better? Who knows. I certainly don’t. So I will proceed in faith, as I always do. I know plowing is important to farming because all the other farmers plow their field. If nothing else it helps the land not blow away as fast. We will put in the drip irrigation as planned but not sure what to do with this new five acre area. Sure would be nice if I had a relationship with some of the local farmers, but they don’t seem too anxious to be real friendly. Oh, they say Hi and stuff but no real conversation about farming or my plans.

The most important question, ever

12/24/11 Saturday
It’s the day before Christmas. We have snow, as you can see from this picture I took this morning. I had planned on making the two hour trek to the Lynaugh prison today but the people I was going to ride with decided road conditions make that unadvisable so it was cancelled. That’s unfortunate because this time of year is always extra hard on those in prison, locked away from family and friends. But this time of is hard on so many in this world. I will call my friends in Ohio to try and give them some cheer and hope. Allen may be in jail by now, facing a charge for growing marijuana, and Suzie had recently been calling and texting, desperately looking for financial help since her car got impounded because of her son. How I wish we could help but we struggle just to put gas in our vehicles and pay the bills as it is. If we still lived up there I could at least provide transportation for her and the teenage daughter who is now pregnant. It breaks my heart to watch people suffer the consequences of decisions made, knowing the answer to their problems but unable to make them understand or accept that answer.

So, unable to go to the prison, what will I do today? I must finish writing the short version of the story of my life. I have been so undisciplined in pursuing the writing that needs to be done. Discipline is simply something that must be applied, something I must make myself practice. A big part of the issue here is the remaining effects of my brain injury. I have improved and healed tremendously in the ten going on eleven years since the accident but there are still some problems I must battle. My memory is better but still very poor, and my ability to follow through on tasks is a continuing struggle.

Cherie is getting better at helping me, a little more understanding that I must be reminded repeatedly, like a child, in order for some things to get done. I was taught to have a written schedule of tasks to be completed at the Brain Injury Institute in St. Louise but have yet to make that a practiced part of my daily routine. It is hard for Cherie to understand for she sees me daily and thus observes that I am very intelligent but there is the rub. The score of the IQ test I was given by the psychologist a month or two ago was 112, definitely above average but a far cry from the 136 genius level I was tested to be during high school. What is hard for people to understand, seeing an obvious level of smarts, is why I seem unable to remember things or complete tasks, and why I sometimes have a hard time comprehending easy stuff. Some people judge me to be lazy or a dunce because of that. I’m not, it’s just that some parts of my brain don’t exist anymore or don’t work as good as they used to.

But there is another aspect of this equation. It is known that Albert Einstein had to be reminded to tie his shoes. His teachers thought he was just plain stupid in his childhood years of school. Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, was often so focused on things he needed to be reminded to bath, unaware even of his body odor. There is no question these two men were and are highly intelligent but despite that displayed what some considered signs of a lack that intelligence. Am I equivalating (Equivalate is now listed as a new word by Webster dictionary, though it has been used in several publications on occasion for some time now) myself with Bill Gates or Einstein? Not at all, I can’t even pretend to approach their intellect but I am no dummy. But I am absent minded and take comfort in having good company in that respect.

We have already taken quite a bite out of our firewood. If it runs out I know of a dead tree I can cut up for more.


So I digress. I need to write. There is much I have to say and much that needs to be said in these last days. I understand that it is through writing that I will have a voice. I also understand that my voice can be heard world wide through the poser of the internet. I also understand that our enemy will work to keep me distracted and thus keep my voice from being heard. So discipline must be practiced because time is getting short. There are some hard days ahead for us all, what we considered to be secure will be shaken hard, what we thought was solid ground will become sand.

I am a voice crying in the wilderness. A light in darkness that grows deeper every day. Some will think me delusional but time will prove my words true, and truth is becoming ever harder to discern as the days turn into night. Truth is called a lie by those who’s deeds are exposed by it. There are those whose concerns regard more of what others think of them, of their reputation among men, rather than what the living God, who sees all, even the deep hidden thoughts of the heart, perceives. The sadness is many of these have deceived themselves, have formulated a gospel that is a lie, one that makes their actions and thoughts acceptable in their minds when they are repugnant to God. My dog took a dump on the living room floor last night. We were almost overwhelmed by the odor of it and not at all happy, but such are some of the deeds, words, and thoughts of many, who wear the label of being a follower of Christ proudly, to the living God. A detestable pile of dung, whose odor permeates the very garments of all around it, yet they try to say it is a pleasing thing to God. Try to dress it up and make it pretty. Put a bow on it proudly say “Look at what I did for the Lord”. Listen to what Jesus says “I know what you are doing: you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm, neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of my mouth! For you keep saying, 'I am rich, I have gotten rich, I don't need a thing!' You don't know that you are the one who is wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked!” (Revelations 3)

There is a doctrine preached these days that is all about money. It says that if you are a child of God you will be blessed with great prosperity and wealth. It also implies that if you do not have wealth you must not be doing something right in your spiritual life. And thus, with this doctrine, comes judgment. It is judgment that is one of those detestable piles of dung that permeates so much of the church. Judgment comes disguised in many spiritual garbs. Sometimes it is dressed as the “gift” of discernment or it comes packaged as doctrinal superiority, where all those who don’t believe as you do haven’t received the “revelation” and thus aren’t as high as you are on the spiritual ladder. So there is this sense of superiority, which automatically makes the rest inferior, that becomes a vital part of all false doctrines. That in itself is often the draw, the bait so to speak, that attracts so many to take up the flag of deceit and run with it, clueless that they are causing more harm than good. At the core of this sense of superiority is that most dangerous of all sins and internal flaws, Pride.

The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil and pride is the root of all sin. Join them together and you have the basis for one of the most eagerly sought after and quickly accepted false doctrines there is. And it is powerfully destructive as well as causing great division within the body of Christ. Like Jesus said, that I quoted earlier “For you keep saying, 'I am rich, I have gotten rich, I don't need a thing!' You don't know that you are the one who is wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked”.

Is wealth bad? No, it is not bad at all, but it is dangerous. All of our life must be kept in balance and balance is often so hard to achieve. The bible doesn’t say money is the root of all evil, it says the LOVE of money is. Why is that? Because anything that we make more important than God becomes our god. Colossians 3 says ”Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry”. How is greed idolatry? The desire for more, whether it is money or possessions, can become a focus in life and thus the thing you worship. We are to trust in the Lord to take care of all our needs, to not worry about it. We are also to work hard and take care of our families too, but that is not greed.

Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" "Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.' " "All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?" Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." (Mathew 19)

Does this mean that Jesus wants us all to sell everything we have? I don’t think so. He said “If you want to be perfect sell your possessions and give to the poor”. A key here is having “treasure in heaven”. But let’s be real, as uncomfortable as it is. What does Jesus require of us, exactly what He gave for us, our lives. What it boils down to is what is most important to you. Are you willing to give up your life for what you believe in? I ask this question with the hope that what you believe in is God and His love for you. Are you willing to sell what you have and give it to the poor? Would you do that if God asked you to? What do you have in your life that is more important to you than God? These are serious questions you need to ask yourself. I know many people who hang on to what they have, even when they no longer have a use for it. There are many who have died clinging to all of their possessions, and even trying to still control them after they die through their will and the legal system.

It’s sad to see. But I have had the privilege of losing everything I own, from being worth over a million dollars on paper (though the reality was I would have been hard pressed to come up with 70 grand cash at the time) to wandering homeless carrying everything I owned in a plastic garbage bag. I had the privilege of dying and then was miraculously brought back to life, not by men but by God. The medics had given up, the coroner was called out to the scene of the accident, where he officially declared I was dead, I was covered up and on the way to the morgue. That brings the reality of death home for me.

I carved this as I recovered from the accident. It says what I believe

So here is a serious question I would like you to consider. When you die, what will have been the value of your life? What will happen to all your things, your possessions and money? Will there be the divisions and fighting over it I so often see? Will family members and loved ones get angry and bitter as they rush to get what they can out of your estate? But the important question, the only one that matters, the only one you will be worrying about as you stand before the Throne of God, is…Will God be happy with you?