To be broken

2/21/10 Sunday
There is so much that God is doing and apparently has for me to do. This morning I listened to Charles Stanley teach on brokenness and it resonated deeply within me. It can be found online at http://www.intouch.org/site/c.cnKBIPNuEoG/b.4943195/k.95DD/This_Week_on_TV.htm entitled “God’s pathway to brokenness”. How truly it fits me, fits what I’ve endured and experienced. But more than that I see what a great need there is for this principle of faith to be applied in everyone's life, everyone who truly desires to serve and please God. There are some whom God has placed in our life that have or are going through things that are designed to break them, to teach them to submit to God. They don’t realize these things are from God, nor do they understand that the end result God desires is to bless them in ways they can’t fathom. What gets broken? Our self will, our desires to do what we want when we want how we want in spite of knowing in our hearts that these things are not just displeasing to the one who died to give us life, but often are disgusting to Him. For me this breaking has taken years and in fact is still going on today as I come to terms with things like the bitterness I held against my brother, who lied, cheated, and stole from me. It was just this morning that I forgave him despite the fact that I have no desire to.

But the main thing that has been broken is my pride. Pride is the root of all sin from the very beginning and the one thing that renders us useless and unusable to God. Peter is a prime example of this. Peter, whom Jesus renamed saying he would be the rock, a foundation of the church, had to be broken many times. Peter many times expressed his pride and self confidence only to fail just as many times. “I’ll never deny you” he said and then did. “If it’s you have me come to you” Peter said as Jesus was walking on water. Jesus said “Come” and Peter walked on water till he “saw” the waves and wind. As Peter sank into the water he had to call out to Jesus for help. There are many other examples of this but ultimately Peter had to learn to depend on God and more than that to humble himself in order for God to use him. This gives me hope for my deepest desire is to please God, for Him to be able to use me. In my pride I ran from God and ultimately denied He even existed. This is an ultimate result of pride and it took 20 years for me to get to that point. And God, in His mercy and grace, broke me, and taught me to depend on Him. It started with waking up from the coma and finding myself strapped down to the hospital bed. I couldn’t feed myself, I couldn’t even get up and use the bathroom. Daily the nurses would come in and change my diapers as I lay there helpless and embarrassed. Then they started feeding me solid food, spooning the stuff that had a consistency of baby food carefully, wiping what drooled down my chin off as they did. Speech therapists would come in and teach me how to talk and then came the time that others would start to teach me how to walk. I was totally dependent on others, totally. But I still had my pride. It has taken nine years for me to get to this point and I still have a ways to go. But my hope is that God will now be able to use me, that I will no longer depend on my own ability but depend on Him, who loves me so much he raised me from the dead and didn’t just let me go after I was declared dead at the scene of the accident.
It’s time to go to church. We’re picking up Alan to take him with us. Here is another man whom has gone through a dramatic breaking process, whom I know God has plans for. So my friends, think on these things and strive to please God, not your own selfish desires that get in the way and lead you down paths you ought not to go. Be blessed.