Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Trying to focus on the positive

You can see (Click to enlarge) where the drip irrigation lines I had so carefully rolled up were unrolled and partially covered by the wind and sand. On the left is one of the white pieces of ten inch PVC I'd cut to do this with. Others are just gone now, miles away in some farmers field.

2/2/10 Tuesday
We are blessed, blessed in so many ways. I try to focus on this as it helps me overcome the negative thoughts that often invade my mind. It’s hard when you find yourself seeing the bad in things instead of the good. The paranoia that others interpret my words and actions this way leads to being unsure of myself in relationships, always worrying about what I said or did that might have offended them. This is accentuated when they don’t talk or respond to emails, confirming in my mind the fears that exist only there. It’s the lack of communication that accentuates this and diminishes any assurances I might have. Coupled with not clearly remembering what’s been said and done it’s kind of like back in the days I was a serious drinker. There was more than one occasion where I woke up wondering what I did that night and dreaded to hear the stories. Of course the day I woke up in jail I knew it wouldn’t be good. I don’t drink now, other than a glass of wine with a nice dinner, and it’s great to be free and to no longer work so hard to damage the brain cells I have left. But I still must fill in the blanks now because of the TBI and that’s where communication is important and reassuring. When you fill in the blanks with the assumption that you did or said something that offended someone your always standing on shaky ground and uncertain of yourself. Fortunately I have Cherie to help. One of my common questions for her is "Did I do OK?" after we visit with friends as I seek to insure I didn't say something stupid or offensive.

Today is a poop scoop day where I clean a friends yard. These days are the ones where I try to get as much shopping and stuff done as I can while in Midland. Tomorrow our friend Ron Charles flies in to tape some programs for the GLC television network so I’ll be picking him up at the airport and will provide transportation and assistance wherever I can for the four days he will be here.

I’ll work on pulling up some more trees. I call them trees even though few of them are more than four feet tall. It’s quite an undertaking. I learned that in order to pull up the roots I must soak the ground even more than what the rain provided. Digging around these things can be painful as the two plus inch spikes easily go through my boots much less my skin. I am careful to pick up as much of the branches as I can to not only prevent flattening tractor tires but also to protect the dogs from potential serious injury as they run helter skelter.

Part of what I must always deal with is the constant effects of wind and the buildup of sand it brings. In this picture you can see how much sand has built up since I harvested the beans that were on this trellis last fall. If I set something down and forget, like I often do, it doesn’t take long for it to disappear under the sand. When we have a big blow it’s amazing the things I find uncovered, things that have been hidden in some cases for decades. Here the sand has built up over six inches on some spaces. You can just see the top of a large styrofoam cup that had blown in from somewhere. With the sand comes weed seeds as well, many of them designed by nature to take advantage of the wind to spread. This is why planting and growing wind break trees is a vital part of our long term plans as we design this farm. One of the first things I’ll plant won’t be crops I can harvest but a type of plant grown for hay called Sudan. I’ll ring each plot with this as it will provide some protection from the wind blown sand, that can strip a plant of it’s leaves, literally sand blasting them to death.

So it’s gonna be a busy day and as always I hope to stay on task and not get distracted. Time to go.

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