Gotta pick the meat off the bones

Last nights sunset

8/17/10 Tuesday
11:35 – It was time to come in. I managed to finish laying out the drip irrigation to the blackeyed peas. Started on it yesterday but began pulling up weeds so that was it. One little distraction and I’m off in a new direction. This morning I managed to stay focused till I got done. It’s running now and when the dirt softens up I will be able to put the wire holders into the ground that will keep the drip tape from blowing away. The ground is so hard that I can’t even drive the wires in. They just bend. Fortunately this is one of the rare days when the wind is not blowing at least twenty miles an hour.

I laid a towel down on the bed, as I do every day in order to not soak the bed with my sweat. It’s time to take a pain pill. The problem is that I can’t remember if I took one two minutes ago or not. There is enough drunk out of the glass of tea I poured to indicate I could of. Didn’t mark it down so I don’t know. That’s the problem with short term memory, or in this case what they call immediate memory loss. If I’m not careful I could take a half dozen pills and not know it. I’ll wait an hour and see if I still hurt, that would perhaps indicate I didn’t, though I hurt no matter what, just less with the pills.

It feels good to sit in front of the fan and enjoy the cool of the sweat evaporating out of this T-shirt. Today I may go to Midland and do yard work for the widow. Will poop scoop for some friends just because. What else? I need to by a rear seal for the pickup’s transmission but should put it up on jack stands and make sure that’s what it needs first. Always so much to do. We went to get some horse manure from people we met at the new church but couldn’t find it so ended up coming home. They called later in response to the note I left on their door so perhaps we can try again today. I must wait for Cherie to get off work cause we have to use her truck. It’s a shame someone soured our relationship with the old man, where I used to get lots of manure. That still bothers me, still hurts.

I’ll fix a sandwich in a bit, after I lay down for a while and let the pain pill take effect. Went ahead and took one because I’m pretty sure I didn’t take one earlier. There’s lots of work to do so I know I’ll need it.

Still working on the letter to some people we know. It’s a hard letter to write. I’ve got most of it done but, because it’s an uncomfortable situation I’ve been putting it off. I may or may not talk about it later. That depends on how it’s received I guess. There are other letters to other people I wanted to write and avoided for the same reason. But to let things lie means they sometimes fester into nasty feelings and thoughts so it’s better I think to get it out in the open and dealt with. I just haven’t done that because…I wonder if that will make it worse. I’ve learned that people don’t like honesty. They like their pretend sugar coated false reality to not be disturbed. I wrestle with this desire to help people see themselves, to point out the hypocrisy that just grates on me, this desire to help others be better people and improve their lives. Is this one of the results of the brain injury? It could well be as there are plenty of documented cases of the drastic personality changes that come with TBI that involve radical behavioral anomalies. I don’t know. Don’t quite understand a lot of things about me.

I know all the prophets in the bible went through hell because they pointed out others wayward actions. Many were killed, tortured, or thrown into dungeons or even a cistern in the case of Jeremiah if I remember right. Am I saying I’m a prophet? NO!!! I don’t hear the voice of God, no wonderful clear visions or pictures in my head and no voices telling me what will happen in the future. But I have had premonitions that turned out to be correct. I told Cherie once that there was going to be an earthquake in Ohio, where earthquakes aren’t heard of and a week or so later there was one. There was a moment I had a sudden sense of urgency about someone we know and I emailed or put on their facebook (Can’t remember which) a scripture about eating, drinking, and making big plans for the future but, the scripture said, such plans were foolish because tomorrow the Lord might take you. A week later the friend had a ruptured appendix and almost died. There have been a few other things but the problem with all this is I just don’t “Know” if it was just my imagination or coincidence or what. That’s the problem I’ve seen with so many others, that they imagine themselves to have such gifts and go off on a tangent, running around and saying “THUS SAYETH THE LORD” when all that comes out of their mouth is their own thoughts and self serving crap. I have no desire to be ranked among them. I just pray a lot and see things in life that are sad and should change.
This is where the corn will be planted. Gotta clean out the weeds and put in drip irrigation

Enough of that. I need to eat. Just dozed off as I wrote the above paragraph so perhaps the four hours I spent outside are catching up with me. Already drank two big cups of tea and water so will drink a couple more before I’m done. It’s already in the nineties and will hit a hundred before the day is done. I’m anxious to get back out to work as I want to get fall crops planted, with the hope of finally producing some sellable produce. Found another wild watermelon vine that sprung up from some old seed from last years melons. It has one watermelon on it that’s about the size of a large softball. This is the kind of surprise I like and it’s where I just ran the drip irrigation so will now get water. Not the most convenient place for it but I’ll take what I get.

That’s it for now. I need to pick the meat off of the chicken bones for the soup I am making. It’s been in the fridge and thus out of sight so forgotten. Cherie put it on my list so I would remember to take care of it.

Those who live to die

Last nights sunset

8/16/10 Monday
Time is marching so fast these days. It always seems that way to me since I woke from the coma. Hard to believe it’s been nine years. So many of my old friends are dead and so is the old life I had. The new church we are attending is a blessing to us. We are meeting people who are spiritually significant. This isn’t to demean our other friends we have made in West Texas, it’s just a timing thing. Things are moving forward and augmenting that are the people we have met at the new church. Some already knew who we are because they have been following the blog. I still remember the look of amazement on the horse ladies face when I handed her one of the business cards Cherie had made for Westbrook Farms that has our blog address on it. I call her the horse lady because she raises and trains horses. She has been reading the blog for a couple or three years and was thrilled to meet us. There are others there who I suspect will be playing a role in our future.
The blackeyed peas are doing well. I still need to run irrigation to them. Something else that I haven't gotten to for several weeks now.

Linda, the former Outlaw biker lady, brought some pictures in of her former associates to see if it helped be remember any of them. None of the faces looked familiar but that doesn’t mean I never met them. Facial recognition is a big factor with Traumatic Brain Injuries and certainly one I have. What looking at the pictures did do was remind me of much of my old life. These were the kinds of people I was comfortable with, where I felt at home. Many of the pictures were from funerals and Linda told me that most of her old biker friends were dead, as many of my old friends are as well. For her it was a reminder of the grace of God, how she was not just “Saved” from the Christian sense but was literally saved from a lifestyle that certainly led to death. In this we both relate.

IN talking with Cherie about the pictures, Cherie was astounded by all the pictures of guys in caskets, with their outlaw leathers on and all the patches displayed. “I can’t believe there are so many pictures of dead people” she said, wondering why anyone would focus on that. I explained that these are people who live to die. In fact death is a central part of their thought processes. It’s like the bible says, “Eat, drink, and be merry” (Luke 12.19) but for us we always added “For tomorrow we die” though that’s not exactly how the original scripture put it. But that’s how we thought, and for the most part they still do. It was live life to the fullest extent possible, enjoy every lecherous pleasure available with no holds barred. The only morality was the biker’s code, the sense of honor that stems from the fact that many of them are war veterans. That level of closeness and camaraderie that comes when your life is on the line and the guy next to you not only is in the same boat but is depending on you just as much as you are depending on him. I’ve been shot at and stabbed and there have been times in a bar where it was just me and a couple of others against a whole crowd. Kill or be killed is quite a place to be, with a flow of adrenaline and emotion unmatched by anything else in the world. With that comes a trust and closeness that is also unmatchable. In war you have brothers in arms and on the streets, with biker gangs, gang bangers, prisons, and many other criminal enterprises you have that as well.
Here's a sinkhole that resulted as the ground caved way under my foot as I walked over it. The old cesspool my grandfather built 40 years ago is deteriorating. Eventually that will be another issue that we must deal with.

Jesus said, in John 15. 12 “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” It is so strange to find such parallels in such opposable lifestyles. A closeness in evil and a closeness in good. The lifestyle of excess brings death, pain, and misery in so many ways that it’s the focus of countless books. Living as a real Christian can also bring death as evidenced by the hundreds of thousands who are killed every year for their faith, but instead of misery it brings joy and life, true fellowship and trust. Trust is a fleeting thing in the criminal world with most criminal convictions the result of someone telling on their “brother in crime”. What’s sad is that in the Christian community you find the same kind of faithlessness. Gossip and backbiting are prevalent, and we have certainly been a victim of that. At church we were talking about the many who say they will not go to church because of the hypocrites they know of. How the guy praying for you in church is in the bar picking up women and whoring around on his wife the next day. So much damage is done by these who do not practice what they preach.

For me it is a constant struggle to live what I choose to believe. Just driving down the highway is an exercise in restraint as I must resist the urges I have to be dominant, to not allow someone to cut me off. That’s where the old life still has it’s mark on me, the old way of thinking about not letting anyone disrespect me or take advantage of me. It’s hard to change that in the instant of time it comes up. This is where Jesus’ command “Love thy neighbor as yourself” becomes a contest of will against emotion. So I try and I fail, but I keep trying.

There is always lots to do. Enough talking, it’s going to be hot so I want to do the outside physical work first before it gets up there. The problem has been that once I get out there working I do so until I’m worn out and drained from the heat. Because of that so many other things don’t get done. It’s this way every day and on top of that are the headaches and seizures. But I keep pushing on.

Rats have once again moved into the garage. Here is where they chewed on my not cheap 100 foot extension cord.








These weeds I'll get with the tractor but the tall ones in the back must be done by hand as there is drip irrigation installed there.

It's good when things go bad

8/13/10 Friday
Nuts. (Yeah, I know that’s strong language but trust me, I’ve said worse) I went out to the truck, intent to make it to the prayer and share luncheon meeting at the Hebrew, something I’ve missed doing a lot lately. Unfortunately the truck won’t go. Seems that the seal I blew in the transmission is doing more than just leaking. Pulling the dipstick I find absolutely no tranny fluid in it despite putting a quart in at Stanton. I poured the second quart I bought in and it still shows no fluid. So I’m without transportation, for the moment. I was just talking with George about getting a ride with him to Fort Stockton for the Kairos prison ministry but it looks like that won’t happen either because I would need to drive to Odessa and meet him.

There are some I know who would gloat at this, see it as a sign that God is not with me or just take pleasure at any misfortune we have. How do I know this? Because I’ve been told about it. But watch, this is a good thing. “Why is it a good thing?” you might ask. Because it’s an opportunity to show how good God is and a moment that will help me become stronger in my faith. James 1.2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I know there are a lot of people watching us. That’s good but can be uncomfortable. It’s good because it helps me act right, knowing someone is watching is a great incentive to not do what you’re ashamed of. Oh, I still screw up but it’s not making mistakes that matter, for we all do that, it’s what you do after that marks what kind of person you are. Whatever you do, in word or deed, do all for the glory of God. So ultimately people will see God in all this.

I’m slowing down as I write this. Don’t get as many of these petite seizures as I used to but they still happen. It’s becoming a chore to gather my thoughts and put them down here and even typing is becoming difficult. Hope it doesn’t last long.

I choose to have a good day

8/12/10 Thursday
It’s going to be a good morning, and for that matter a good day. Why? Because I choose for it to be good and because we have a big God who loves and cares for us. I choose to trust in that, a conscious decision on my part despite everything going on around. The bible says in Proverbs 3.5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes ; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.

I suppose that will be the scripture for the day. This laptop is fighting me, getting all tied up and it keeps changing the time on me to Pacific time. Frustrating. I’ll run the spyware program.

This morning I must mix a batch of bug poison, as much as I hate to do it I have to. The squash bugs are nasty and there are caterpillars destroying the sunflowers. By the way, we have a wheelbarrow full of spaghetti squash that needs to find homes. If any one out there wants some drop me an email. If your in Big Spring, Midland, or someplace close I’ll bring it to you or you can come out to the farm and get all you want. The price? Free but we’ll accept donations.
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Man, is it hot out there. It’s noon now and I’ve been out spraying the sunflowers along with the squash, melons, and everything else. There are thousands of squash bugs out there. They have killed all the spaghetti squash vines and were working on the watermelons. I stay busy, working out there all day long, taking breaks only when I must, but while I work on one thing something else gets neglected. It’s frustrating to say the least but I keep at it. As I work I think of the uncaring words of someone, who said I need to get a real job, words spoken from their position of how much better they are than I. The fact that I would have a hard time getting a “real” job probably escapes them but beyond that it’s the implied judgment that my dream of building a working farm has no real value that bites at me. I was called a “small minded man” by another person a year or so ago. I refuse to let others opinions relegate me to whatever status their small minds place me in. I will overcome and when things come together it will vindicate me.

The sprayer decided to stop working. It worked fine till I went to clean it with soap and water. That’s when it decided to no longer pump up the pressure. I’ll have to take it apart sometime, just don’t know when I’ll find the time. As I walked with the sprayer on my back I saw so many things that need to be done. The hard part is deciding what to tackle first. Right now I’m greatly enjoying sitting in front of the fan and the coolness created as the sweat evaporates out of my T-shirt. It’s lunch time so I should fix something to eat. I prayed and fasted for almost a week as I struggled with what to write to the people we know. I’m done with that now. Even the time I’ll spend writing I feel is time robbed from doing other things that need to get done. I am so tired of petty people, all wrapped up in themselves. I must resist saying what I want and strive to not be what I dislike in others.

In the shadow of God

As I worked in the heat with my hoe, chopping weeds, I prayed. Rascal, such a faithful and loyal dog, hearing my voice came out to be near me. Everywhere I turned he would position himself in my shadow to avoid the heat of the sun. It came to me that this is my desire with the Lord, to remain in His shadow and thus be under His protection. Rascal remains at my side even now as I type this, laying next to me on the bed. There is a comfort there for him despite the times I must discipline him for doing what he knows better to do. After I command him to “GO TO YOUR ROOM” and he does, with his tail down knowing he’s in trouble, there is always that period, a short time latter, where I call him back. Rascal looks for this moment anxiously, peering around the side of the doorway with that expressive face showing his anxiety. “Rascal, Come” is greeted with a visible joy as he bounds back to me, jumping up for pets. So it is with our God. When we go into sin, in our selfish surrender to our desires and personal wants, we leave the presence of the Lord. The danger is that often we choose to do so and choose to ignore what we know is the right way and in the process harden our hearts and blind ourselves to ourselves. This blindness increases with time and soon, what we know to be wrong becomes ok. So God, in His love, will correct us. When nothing works and everything falls to pieces it could be designed to get our attention and lead us back to Him, to residing in the shadow of God.

When all is said and done...

8/11/10 Wednesday
Time to get out and beat the heat. We’re looking at triple digit temperatures coupled with humidity for the next few days. There is no rain forecast either. I will continue focusing on getting fall crops planted, which will include the 546 peat pot seed starters. Chopping weeds will continue. My left hand is getting pretty stiff and painful in all the joints. Nothing new there, just becomes more noticeable when I work hard with it.

Cherie is getting ready for work so I need to take a break from this and find a scripture for a morning devotional. She had a rough day yesterday and that reminded me that her strength is my responsibility, that I need to be the spiritual leader and help hold her up.

I remind myself, and Cherie, of those we know of around the world who suffer greatly for the cause of Christ, when ever things seem tough around here. It helps to put things in that perspective. The friend we met at church moved into a house with no water, no electricity, and the windows boarded shut. Reminded us of when we moved in here at the farm but we had electricity. We are blessed greatly. Oh we don’t have the money and things others do but we know that money and things only feed selfish desires. In the end they all vanish, you can’t take it with you and we will stand before God naked and then give an account of what we did with what we had. Jesus said that the poor, downtrodden, and neglected will be the first in heaven, and those who sacrificed the most get the highest seats of honor. When all is said and done it’s what God thinks that is important.

We got rain

When the rain came and the wind blew out of the north it was the perfect time to burn the big pile of brush left from the firewood I cut up.

8/10/10 Tuesday
We got rain yesterday. Wasn’t much and it came down gently so it was an answer to prayer and we are grateful. I’ll pray for some more despite the forecast of clear skies and hundred degree heat.

Woke up at 5:00 this morning with one of the splitting headaches I often must endure. It’s a rough way to start the day. Kind of like a hangover in that my eyes are extremely sensitive to light and sounds just spear through my head like an ice pick. I’m squinting at this laptop’s screen because it’s bright and have the sound on the TV turned down to just where I can hear it. Even the cat’s meows are loud. I am so grateful I no longer drink as this is a reminder of just a part of the consequences of alcohol. It is sad to hear other’s declarations of “I need a drink” as a response to some problem that came up. That used to be my approach to life and problems, just party till it went away, pretend things were fine and put a big fake smile on my face, laugh and joke and be happy for a moment. But I always had to go home, or go somewhere, and wake up the next day to face reality. Now I have Jesus, faith in God and I deal with the realities of life as they happen.

I worked till ten last night preparing over five hundred peat pots that I plan on planting with seeds today. We’ve learned that with this bad well water we must start many types of seeds ahead of time this way. I dug up composted manure, worm castings, and some other soil to make the potting soil. It’s a shame I missed out on buying peat moss from the Walmart’s and other places that sell it for they always put it on sale and dump their inventory after spring planting season is over.

All week I’ll be pressing to get seeds in the ground. It’s fall planting time so I need to move. There’s more drip irrigation to install and always weeds to hoe down. How I look forward to the time we can afford to have a permanent employee. That will greatly increase my ability to produce profitable crops and is basic business. As long as I am a one man show I’m seriously constrained and can’t keep up. Headaches and seizures don’t help. This headache is getting worse now. Aspirin and the pain pill haven’t phased it. I’m typing much of this with my eyes closed or one eye open. Hope it clears up cause there is so much to do.
The baby swallows are now all living under the veranda so that makes six birds. They're cute and eat lots of bugs and mosquitoes but they all poop a lot. Oh well, the good and the bad of it all.
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Cherie has left for work and the headache is gone. Without a wind blowing it should be safe to fire up the other pile of brush that’s on the other side of the house. Just need to be careful for sure. I need to get on the tractor and disc things up before the sun evaporates the little bit of rain we got. By discing it under we will save some of the moisture. Then it’s time to sow about two acres with the corn poppy seeds Tana gave us. Must hurry and do this while there’s still moisture so the seeds have a chance to germinate. Tomorrow will be too late. So no more time to write, am under the gun time wise.
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Tired already. I probably won't do the fire cause the wind is blowing to the north again and that would send sparks to the grassland. Discovered that the "Oil" that was under the truck and causing smoke is transmission fluid. That's good news, providing it's leaking from the rear seal like I think, because that seal is easiest to get too. Odds are it's that seal because I've needed to replace the universal joints twice, requiring me to remove the axle from the transmission housing. Normally you're supposed to replace the seal when you do that but I was too cheap and in a hurry so didn't. Almost didn't make it back from buying diesel fuel because the tranny ran so low on fluid it didn't want to go into gear.
Some of the dirt I mixed in the cement mixer to be placed in the peat pots, some of which you can see there.

Been out on the tractor discing up where we will plant the corn poppies. The ground is already dry so didn't get out there quick enough. I'll spend time with the hoe cleaning areas already prepared for fall planting. Plus need to run more irrigation hose. There's tons of work to do. It's always frustrating to be a one man show for a job that requires at least two. We're just on the edge of success, with thousands of dollars to be made sitting there just out of reach no matter how hard I strain to get there. But we will get there, one step at a time or much quicker if some help arrives. Help we pray for. We have had needs graciously met but here's a thought. What's better, to give someone who's hungry a fish, or to give them a fishing pole and teach them how to use it? The fish takes care of one immediate need but soon they will be hungry again. The fishing pole helps them provide for themselves so they will never be hungry again, at least not as long as the fish are biting.

Storm clouds are gathering

8/9/10 Monday
There are storm clouds gathering. They gather throughout the world and also around us. These clouds are the signs of impending doom and victories over them. They are the signs of the times, the revealing of things to come. Just as in politics, when elections are coming up, activity increases with plots and schemes being hatched to tear down opponents and get opposing viewpoints accepted, so it is in the spiritual realm. Angels and demons fighting for the souls of mankind. Demons working to disrupt and cause discord wherever they can, tweaking on the faults we all have as a part of our human nature. Pride is the central one, the root of all sin. Spiritual pride is a particularly odious one to the Lord, the sitting back in confidence that you’ve got all the answers and an inside track. Jesus spent a lot of His time on earth fighting this very thing, pointing out the fallacies of the Pharisees and pissing them off so much they plotted to kill him. Imagine that, leaders of religion who are so blinded by their pride and ambition that they completely justify in their mind killing in the name of God. There is a blindness that comes with pride, a sense of “I’m right” that is so strong it overpowers what you know in your heart is the truth. With it comes a refusal to acknowledge any error, a refusal to believe you are wrong. There is no “I’m sorry” possible here for that would admit error. Being proud means never having to say your sorry.
These clouds passed right over the house, twisting like crazy. They turned into a tornado that touched down five miles away

Cherie and I are watching as God brings things together, as people of different interests and skills from varying parts of the country show up at the little church in Stanton. Linda gave me permission to write about her, she’s one of those wonders. I have only a vague idea of what God has in mind but mostly I see things happening. What I know is that whatever it is it will be something that no person will be able to say “Look what I did”, that it will be something that in the end will be obvious that it was a sovereign act of the Lord of all. Will our farm and the vision we have be a part of it? We sure hope for that but ultimately we are here to submit to God, for without submission He is unable to use us or at least we will be less usable. God can use those who hate and reject Him for His purpose but I prefer to be a willing instrument of His plans.

I won’t write of Linda at the moment. Feel a check in my spirit on that but suspect you will hear her amazing story later. Among other things, she is also a traumatic brain injury survivor who as I was had been declared dead and was in a coma. That our lives touched the same people is amazing in itself. There was another person we met, who when I gave her our Westbrook Farms business card exclaimed “I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!” Seems that she has been following our blog for almost two years so is familiar with us and the struggles we overcome.
You can see the sand storm coming low on the horizon. A not uncommon thing around here

We anxiously wait to see what’s coming, as we have since the day God restored our marriage after a 20 year separation. There are some who are unable to see a big picture, focusing on minors, but I don’t think God thinks small so it’s exciting to be here in the midst of things. I just see things coming together and the enemy working to tear them apart. Just like in a war, when the scouts see lots of activity on the other side, all of this tells us something is brewing. I think the little town of Stanton is going to see a spiritual renewal. Actually I know it will and have been praying for it. The spirit of the Pharisees has been implanted and well established for a while, building walls of pride so that those who need life, and Christ who gives it, haven’t been reached out to. My prayer is for God to tear down these walls, to break the cold hearts of stone and turn them to flesh again. Do you really believe? You who say you’re a Christian, do you really believe that the person next to you, who knows not Christ, is thus destined to go to hell and not live eternally in heaven. Do you really believe that you hold the key to life for them, that in your hands is the only life preserver that can save them? Do you really believe that you will stand before God and have to answer for every word you said and be judged? Or have you swallowed the easy “God in a box” answer that says it doesn’t matter what you do, the “Don’t worry, be happy” religion that will deceive many and was foretold about two thousand years ago.

Mathew 7.13 "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
15 "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
17 Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.
19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'LORD, LORD,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me on that day, 'LORD, LORD, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?'
23 Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'


A note I wanted to make and forgot. Yesterday, as we were returning from taking the widow to see a movie (Toy Story 3) I noticed that my truck was smoking pretty bad so called Cherie, who was driving ahead. She let me catch up and followed to see where the smoke was coming from. It’s blue burning oil smoke and seemed to come from the middle of the truck. When we got home I looked underneath and see that oil is sprayed all over the place. Not good. The truck has over two hundred thousand miles and has been running on two gears (first and third) for a year now so I suppose this was inevitable. No problem, God will supply as He always does. Meantime I must worry about it catching on fire from oil getting on the hot exhaust. It only has minimum liability insurance so that’s not good, but simply the way it is. At some point I will crawl under it to see if it’s a seal I can reach but odds are it’s a main seal and that will require removing the transmission. Removing the transmission was going to happen sometime anyway whenever we had the funds to get a good used transmission from up north.

Suppose I just human

8/7/10 Saturday
Today I shall pray for rain. The sky has no clouds in it at all but that doesn’t matter. God can make it rain anytime and anywhere He pleases, and He can withhold the rain as well. I’ve watched as rain falls from clouds but never makes it to the ground. It is something else to see. This picture is from yesterday and is such an occurrence. This is such a picture of life for some, who work and strive but seem unable to reap the benefit of their labors. It seems like no matter what they do it all dries up. They don’t understand that it is the hand of the Lord, who rewards according to their hearts. They do all the right things but something is missing.

I have fasted for three days now, eating only an evening meal. There is so much on our hearts, so much that presses down. So we seek God, in whom rests all mercy and grace. Today I will focus on writing a letter that addresses some of those issues that press down. I am not at liberty to tell the details, that may of may not come in later posts. There is work to do but at the same time other things to deal with. Cherie needs to replace her phone and that is an expense we weren’t planning on. But she needs to have one so as always we will do what we have to do and bite the bullet on that one. As always we know that God provides our needs so there is no cause to worry.

It’s the Sabbath, Saturday is always the original Sabbath. Sunday was in reality a day named after and dedicated to the sun god and part of what is known as Mithraism, an ancient religion that dates back to and is connected with Zoroastrianism. It was known as the hidden religion and was widely practiced in the Roman empire. Constantine, the emperor who declared Sunday as the new Sabbath for Christianity was also a worshiper of Mithra and thus blended, or more accurately corrupted, the two religions. Understand, I see no problem, despite knowing this, with going to church on Sunday. God judges the heart so if you go to church on Sunday and dedicate that as the Lord’s day with purity of motive you’re fine. It’s not what you do, it’s why you do it that is important. For me, I strive to make every day one that God is a part of, but that isn’t easy. Some days I’m fine and some days I’m terrible. Some days I’m confused and on others I’m clear as a bell. I suppose that’s just being human.

What is really important?

8/6/10 Friday
Hard to believe it’s Friday already. Ron has gone, flew out yesterday. His flight was changed and then over an hour late so we had a chance to talk at the airport to some depth. I was surprised when Ron asked my advice and opinion on several issues. I’m not used to that these days. There was a time that many came to me for advice, years ago prior to the fall into madness and the wreck, but I presumed those days were long gone. I suppose this is another sign of the amazing restoration God is performing on our lives. But with it all I am very careful, fearful that pride should once again creep into my life and with it the inevitable and painful consequences. I explained to Ron how much I appreciate the pain I feel daily in my body, for it is a constant reminder. It reminds me of the consequences of sin, of how I fell away from and turned my back on God. And it reminds of the inescapable and ever true principle, that a man reaps what he sows.

Fear can be good, as long as you fear the right thing. Jesus said to fear not the one who can throw you in jail and even have you tortured, but to fear rather the one who can destroy your body and soul in hell. A well known proverb says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Some want to water the concept of fear down by keying in on the definition of fear as being “Awe and respect”. But when Jesus said to fear not the one who can put you in jail I don’t think Awe and respect quite covers it. It boils down to understanding and not just respecting but having a healthy fear of the consequences of your decisions and actions. If I’m speeding and suddenly see the flashing lights of a police car right behind me and hear the siren I’m not in awe, I’m afraid, my heart drops knowing for certain that there is a price to be paid. A speeding ticket generally comes with a price I can afford but other things come with much higher price tags, and thus a greater fear. With a greater fear comes a greater inhibition regarding the actions that could result in more dire consequences.
Reminders, I keep these pictures of my wreck on the wall, to remember where I've been and to remind myself of how blessed I am to be alive. I don't use the word "Lucky" regarding this. It wasn't luck, it was the mercy of God that brought me back to life. I wasn't just a little dead, they called the coroner out to the scene where I was officially declared dead. The life flight had already been canceled, told there was no sense wasting the time and money cause I was gone.

So I remind myself, regularly, that I will stand before the living God, the creator of the universe and the One who restored my life, who granted a second chance for me, and will be judged just as all humanity will. What I know, now, is that in this world all that has real value is what we do for God. Jesus said to lay up treasures in heaven, where moths and rust can not corrupt, instead of laying up treasures here on earth.

My old friend, and mentor, another part of the amazing restoration of my life.

I expressed to Ron both Cherie and my desire to help his ministry, to do anything we can that will assist them and perhaps take a little of the load off. Both Ron and his wife, Paula, spend their days working hard to help those who are in the most need. They choose to live frugally, on an extremely tight budget, in order to have more to give. While here Ron was getting constant phone calls from all around the world and I listened as he put together things for others. The ministry, Cubit Foundation, purchases and distributes something like 350,000 liters of water a year for the garbage city people. Ron got a call and they found a place, or the place found them, I’m not sure, where they could purchase the water at half the price they had been paying. This allows them to double what they do or perhaps increase the Bags of Hope food distributions to the widows, whom in Muslim countries are considered cursed of Allah and thus get no help or support whatsoever. In fact if a woman’s husband dies, is killed, or simply decides to divorce her, all of her possessions are taken away. They are given to the oldest male in the family or if there is none the state takes it and the widow is left to fend for herself, living under staircases or bridges, wherever she can find. Oh, and this includes all of her children too. Don’t tell me Islam is the religion of peace, it is evil to the core.

It’s another hot day and the farm has been neglected for a week so time to get to work. I’ll leave you with a question, What is really important? Not just what is important to you on a personal level but in the great scheme of things, in matters of life, what is really important? Is it the things you have, all your possessions? Is it your reputation, what people think and the facade you put up? Or is it the truth of what you really think, that which you hide from the world and the real motive behind your actions? God judges the heart. It's not what you do but why you do it that is important.

Back to normal?

8/5/10 Thursday
This afternoon Ron flies out of here. I guess that means things get back to normal, whatever normal is around here. I’ll be able to get back to working on and around this farm, the never ending job that has few short term rewards but many long term promises. Ron’s visits always renew my faith, bringing to the fore the realities of this world we live in and fortifying my understanding and belief in the bible with the archaeological and historical verifications he has uncovered in his more than 30 years of research. For those who don’t know, Ron is an archaeologist, historian, and author, who’s books include the 600 page “The Search”, which is used by many colleges and universities in their curriculum. He has many degrees, is a PHD, and has accomplishments in many areas of life, including, as an engineer for Owens Corning, developing the technology to create Corning Ware. This was actually based on his archaeological study and digs at ancient Babylon, where they uncovered the furnaces used to create the unusual blue glazed bricks and tiles that had confounded scientists for years.

Ron gave up all of his success to serve God. He always served God. He was Cherie’s Sunday school teacher way back when and was in our first marriage. I had the privilege of being under his tutelage and helping as he founded and built a church in Oregon, Ohio. He did this while working as an engineer for Owens Corning Glass. Being a pastor was hard on Ron, harder than dealing with Islamic fundamentalists who actively seek to kill him. As an archaeologist Ron can get into countries that are totally shut off to traditional missionaries, and thus is able to minister to the severely persecuted Muslims who converted to Christianity. “How can that be easier than being a pastor in the states?” you might ask. Here in America Ron had to deal with all the compromise and hypocrisy that is almost an accepted part of church life. Actually in many churches it is accepted and in some doctrine has developed that makes it ok to sin. It was a constant dealing with peoples petty problems, with midnight calls over nothing from uncaring and selfish church members, that created ulcers and other health issues in Ron.

So while his life is often in danger and he sees what I can’t even reveal here, things are much more black and white overseas. It’s life and death, good versus evil, with not a lot of gray areas. You don’t find the greed and petty egos in the midst of such hard life. There, when a Muslim accepts Jesus as his or her savior they know it will cost them everything and in the midst of such hardship they band together in support of each other. Ron has told me of how he watched as one person stood in the way of police, literally giving up his life to save others as they escaped. In that instance Ron was held and forced to watch as this man, along with his son and a pregnant woman, was killed. Ron was told that this would happen to him if he kept helping and ministering to these “enemies of Allah”. Enemies of Allah and pigs are how those who were born Muslim and convert to Christianity are referred to. Because they are now considered to be no longer people and refuse they are taken to the garbage dumps where they struggle to survive the best they can in the toxic filth. Life expectancy is only two or three years there. It’s estimated there are 4 million of them in the five garbage dumps of Cairo, which itself has a population of 28 million.

So my problems pale in comparison. Sure I must deal with petty, arrogant, self important people with fragile egos who’s little worlds are all that’s important to them but the hurt and pain they cause is nothing compared to what the garbage city people endure daily. It’s good to put things in perspective. I will pray for those who are so easily used by the devil here and trust that God, who raised me from the dead and restored my life, wife, and mind, is greater than all that oppose us combined. Like it says in the bible, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”. Ron told us that it’s pretty clear to him that God has a plan and purpose for us. He said that anytime you are doing what God wants the enemy comes against you and he believes that God must have something special in mind because we are attacked in so many ways. If there was no opposition then it would mean that we are no threat to the devil, thus don’t earn his attention. But it’s been uncanny, and hard, how so many good people turn, seem to change and end up causing harm and blocking forward progress. Disheartening would be the word for it, along with discouraging and a lot of other “dis” words. But there are always good people who encourage and help us, and invariably, when things seem bad something comes up just in time and at the last minute to pull us through the crisis. So we get kicked in the teeth all the time and God is always there to pick us up. So I will trust in the Lord regardless of what comes against us.

Ron flies out at noon today. He will be back with his wife at the end of September and we so look forward to that. I’ll go get some weeding done while it’s still relatively cool out and then run to take him to the airport. It’s going to be hot again, as it has been, but there is more humidity coming, which will only make it worse. Ron told me that it was 122 degrees in Cairo when he left, hot even for there. He joked that he came to our 100 degree heat to cool off.

Gotta go. There’s work to do.

Better count the cost

The baby barn swallows are leaving the nest. One flew away and the others are thinking about it. It's a scary new world for them with many dangers, including our dogs who watch intently.

8/2/10 Monday
It’s the start of another month. There is so much going on at so many different levels. Church was great at the new little one we attended. There was a fellowship dinner there yesterday evening and it was nice to talk with a local farmer for once. I told about the lack of knowledge I have and we discussed various options regarding what could be grown and what it takes to grow it. It’s hard for me to gauge how well I am received in social situations but it seemed ok. I’m just a little paranoid after the cold rejections we’ve received in the past locally. I always wonder about how I act and am perceived, knowing that I often have sent out “vibes” that aren’t accepted well.

It’s going to be a triple digit day, with temps soaring to 101 degrees, so I’m out the door quick this morning to get as much done as I can before it hits. There is always so much to do. Dave helped me stretch fence around half of one of the plots. The other half will have to wait till later. I started to hoe weeds around the blackeyed peas yesterday and plan on tackling that again this morning. Then at some point I need to run drip irrigation down those rows. Half of the peas I planted didn’t come up because I got there too late after the rains. Still need to finish pruning and guiding the tomato plants up the trellis lines. Only did about twenty percent of them with a whole day dedicated just to that task.

Today Ron flies in. I’ll pick him up at the airport around 4:00. We both look forward to seeing him. He inspires us and feeds our spirits. In this world of comfortable Christianity he’s a shining light of what the truth is, that being a Christian isn’t about making money and being popular with the world. Ron’s an engineer who could make big bucks, and did at one time, designing state of the art and innovative glass furnaces for one of the glass giants. I think, but am not sure, that he’s responsible for the developments that make Corning Ware. But Ron gave that up to serve the Lord, not chasing after comfort and money but putting his life on the line regularly to serve the persecuted Christians in Muslim countries.

Just imagine (the only way I can do it) what it’s like to be born a Muslim and then learn the truth about Jesus and the lies you were fed regarding Islam. So you see and understand that God truly loves you, enough that He sent His son to pay the price for all the wrong you’ve ever done, death, and knowing the truth decide to accept it and become a Christian. Only you know that the moment you do and it becomes known that you and all of your family are ejected from your house, lose everything, bank accounts seized, you’re handed a death certificate and tattooed on your hand to designate this. Then you and your family are bussed to the garbage dump for you are now considered garbage. In some muslim countries this would be the ideal because the option is often to be killed. This happens every day, hundreds of thousands are killed for choosing Christ and there are literally millions living in the garbage dumps. This is where Ron ministers. I can’t get into details or name the countries for he has often had his life threatened for doing this.

So what kind of Christian are you? So many have just had an emotional experience where they run down to an alter while music is playing and pressure is there and “get saved”. But walking away they soon forget. They accept Christ as their savior but not as their Lord. They don’t count the cost and are not willing to give up much of anything for their new found God. This is the God they’ve been presented with, this is the way it’s been taught, the easy and broad path, one that requires no sacrifice, a real “feel good” Christianity. What is the TRUTH? Lets look at what Jesus said in the bible, a book that an associate of mine said “it has man’s fingerprints all over it” as he decried it’s validity to my astonishment. Ron has written a book, used in Harvard University’s Roman history courses, called “Search for Historical Jesus” that reveals the non biblical historical documentations of Jesus’ life and ministry that confirms the validity of the scriptures in undeniable ways.

Luke 14.25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple. 27 And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. 28 "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29 For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30 saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' 31 "Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32 If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33 In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. 34 "Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? 35 It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out. "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

It’s pretty clear here that there is an expected sacrifice to being a Christian. The Muslims who convert to Christianity know the price they will pay before they even do it, and weigh that cost. But despite knowing they will lose all, including their lives, they choose Christ. They put me to shame but I draw from their strength of conviction. When I whine about how hard it is I remember the stories Ron has told me and am thankful for the blessings we have. I know that we have an enemy, and that enemy has many tools in the form of people who’s life style and desires make them easily manipulated and deceived, doing the devils will and thinking they are doing well all the time.

Luke 13.23 Someone asked him, "LORD, are only a few people going to be saved?" He said to them, 24 "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. 25 Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Sir, open the door for us.' "But he will answer, 'I don't know you or where you come from.' 26 "Then you will say, 'We ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.' 27 "But he will reply, 'I don't know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evildoers!' 28 "There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves thrown out. 29 People will come from east and west and north and south, and will take their places at the feast in the kingdom of God. 30 Indeed there are those who are last who will be first, and first who will be last.

Throughout the recorded words of Jesus there is this constant theme, one about those who make it and the many who thought they would and don’t. There are principles about dying to your self and worldly desires, of surrendering your will and submitting to God. Principles about sacrifice and separating yourself from that which is evil and not pleasing to the creator of all. And all these sacrifices come with rewards, not earthly rewards, not the “prosperity” gospel preached in some corners that feed on peoples greed and lust for earthly possessions and popularity, but eternal rewards that truly matter and last.

Luke 12.13 Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me." 14 Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" 15 Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." 16 And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. 17 He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.' 18 "Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." ' 20 "But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself ?' 21 "This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God."

Another prevailing theme in the words of Jesus deals with wealth and poverty. Throughout the bible, both old testament and new, this topic is brought forward. In fact there are over 800 references to the poor and disadvantaged in life in the bible, more times than the word love appears. It is a consistent reason mentioned regarding the judgment of God coming down on the nation if Israel and God’s people. You find example after example of how the rich and influential take advantage of those who are poor and less able to fend for themselves, with the rich getting richer at the expense of those who thus end up with less and in debt. Payday loans are nothing new so this not only goes on today but is a growing trend.

So I ask again, “What kind of Christian are you?”. Jesus said we are the salt of the earth and a light to the world. “No one lights a lamp and hides it under a basket” He said and as you read in the Luke 14.34 scripture I posted at the beginning of this discourse if salt loses it’s taste it’s not good for anything anymore, but to be thrown out. Note that it started out salty but lost it’s taste over time. I hope to never lose my saltiness again. I lost it once and lost everything I once thought was important, along with my life. In Luke 16 Jesus tells the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, who was poor and ate the scraps off the rich man’s table. We can relate to this well as we have been blessed with many peoples leftovers. At the end of the parable, when the rich man begged Abraham to send someone from the dead to warn his relatives of what was to come he was told “31 "He said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.' "

Folks, I was raised from the dead, literally. Was declared dead and am still listed as a fatality by the state of Oklahoma, so my life is a gift I did not deserve. It is because of Grace and Mercy that I am able to even write this. So please listen, count the cost, weigh the scales, and choose life, true life, not the illusion that comes with wealth and popularity but the one that comes with sacrifice and giving of yourself. True love is one that chooses for the highest good of the other, not what’s best for you. Love you all. Time to get to work.

Stretching fence

7/31/10 Saturday
Worked till it was too dark to see, as I usually seem to do. It was a hot day yesterday so had to come in at 3:30 for a reprieve. Stayed in till about 7:00 when I went back out. Worked on these tomato plants all day and didn’t even get a third of them done. This is just slow tedious work as I prune and cut back the plants, along with untangling them from each other.

Dave is coming over at 9:30 or so to help me stretch some fencing over the posts that have been up for so long. It’s greatly needed and appreciated help. Especially after the dogs raided the lone watermelon I had growing.

I have a headache this morning. There have been lots of headaches lately. There was a bad slowdown, I think yesterday but it could have been the day before, don’t really remember when. Don’t have time to let it slow me down so I’ll push through.

Cherie fixed some eggs so I’ve had breakfast and three cups of coffee and am ready to go. Time to get out there and moving. Have to till or hoe down the weeds where we are stretching the fence.

This morning's sabbath scripture is from Mathew chapter 12.34 For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. 35 "The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good ; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil. 36 "But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. 37 "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
Last night's sunset

Bees are becoming aggressive

7/30/10 Friday
The bees under our house have become more aggressive. A few weeks ago I saw an angry seeming hoard of bees buzzing in a cloud where they go in and out from under the house. Now I wonder if a different swarm of bees invaded and took the hive over. Cherie got stung two nights ago while in the house. We never found the bee but the stinger was in her arm so we know it was one. Don’t normally find bees in the house these days though there was a time they were finding their way in a lot. Yesterday, as I walked past where they go in and out from, a bee stung me. I’ve noticed that they bump at me more, a practice I read about while researching Africanized bees. We had been contemplating a technique where we lure the hive out from under the house into a regular honey bee hive where we could harvest the honey but I think that won’t happen now. If the feral bees are Africanized then there is nothing desirable there and in fact they have become dangerous. So I’ll buy some foggers and poison them like we did the previous four swarms. We never had the money to buy a bee hive to use to lure them out with so it’s the way it has to be. Always frustrating to not have the resources needed for basic improvements around here.

This morning I’ll focus on pruning and training tomato plants. It’s something I should have been doing all along but like so much it got neglected while I attended other needs. I pull weeds while caterpillars devour my crops. It’s one or the other. They are making lots of tomatoes now that we had some rain and it got a little cooler. Fall is looking better when it comes to what we are growing. But I’m under the gun to plant more seeds and install irrigation on top of keeping up with weeds. It’s a one man show that requires two or three people. There’s money waiting to be made here, but it requires work and resources to happen. Farming can be, and is a lucrative business but all businesses require basic resources to thrive. So I’ll keep pushing to get to where I know we can be and little by little, or perhaps with a giant leap, we will get there. The giant leap will come when we find those with resources who will partner with us to grow this enterprise. Ultimately it’s in God’s hands.

That’s it. I’m still debating with myself going to Fort Stockton for the Kairos prison ministry tonight. There’s so much that needs doing here. This tears at me, my desire to help and minister to others versus our needs at home. We would leave for Fort Stockton at 7:00 or 7:30 in the evening and by that time of the day I’m pretty worn. Actually by then I’m on my second wind and am usually back out working after resting and eating dinner but am certainly pretty stinky from sweating and working all day. If I go to Fort Stockton I would need to quit early and clean up. So there is quite a conflict here, do I neglect what needs doing on the farm so I can attend Kairos? I still haven’t decided. Will go out and work and think about it as I do.
Last nights sunset, another view as it's the same sunset as the first picture.

Want to do everything, but can't

This morning's bird picture.

7/28/10 Wednesday
When the headache cleared yesterday I went to work. Kept at it till it was too dark to see. Had a Kairos meeting yesterday with the committee that I guess I’m on. We discussed ways to recruit new members for the ministry and I explained once again the potentials of having a blog dedicated to that. It appears that I will become the “writer” for this group, in effect reporting on the goings on with the goal of raising public awareness and participation in it.

I suggested we create a newsletter for our Kairos group, something to help us all keep up with what’s going on. I made the point that I am out of the loop, and the only way I find out about things is an occasional email from Dave. Evidently there had been someone who produced a newsletter but he had moved on to other parts so that stopped. The objection came up about the expense and inconvenience of stamps and envelops when it came to newsletters so I stated that my thought was to do this exclusively online. “Is there anyone in our Kairos who doesn’t have a computer and go online?” I asked to make the point. No one seemed to be aware of anyone who didn’t have access to the internet.

Many of our members are older and may not be terribly active online. I’m not young and certainly am technically challenged but found myself explaining the possibilities and power of the internet to them. I’m thinking a facebook page for our Kairos group would be good as well. The requirement in all of this is for people to talk with me, to let me know what’s happening so I could write about it. Many of these people talk to each other all the time on the phone and in person to keep up but being the new guy who lives in Stanton I’m out of the loop and get no calls. The potential issue though will be my ability to keep up and do all of this. I plan on creating the blog today but I plan on doing things every day that I don’t accomplish. I have the skills and ability to do a lot of things, I’m just can’t do everything I want to do because I want to do everything I see. When I had my companies I had the ability to accomplish so much by having and directing employees to perform a wide variety of duties. Right now it’s just me and I guess I need to remind myself of that. There is a day coming as we grow the farm that the resources will increase and with it the ability to accomplish our goals.
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3:45 – I am so worn out. Came in an hour ago, or maybe two. Not sure anymore. Been working steadily. Went through two of the T shirts I wrap around my head to absorb sweat, they got so soaked sweat still ran down into my eyes. We got an oil check so I splurged and ate a hamburger at the drug store in Stanton. Laid down in front of the fan with a large ice tea to cool off as I went online with the laptop. Fell asleep while reading facebook pages. Still having to fight keeping my eyes open as I write this.

There’s supposed to be a 60% chance of rain today but I don’t see it. Sure would be nice and a lot of what I’m doing is with the hope we get some rain. Tana gave us two large packages of red poppy seeds she had. I looked them up online and they are the same red poppies that the VFW used during their fundraising. They don’t generally use them anymore because the petals fall off so quickly after they are picked. The reason they were used is that these flowers grow wild all over Europe and are known for growing in battlefields and places where soldiers were buried. They are considered an invasive weed in many places and reseed themselves quickly. I need something that acts as a ground cover and these may be ideal. Besides a field of bright red flowers would look better than the sticker grass and other weeds.

I need to run to Midland and pick up some dog food that Janie is giving to us as well as buy cat food. Just want to go to sleep instead. Took a pain pill. It would be nice if I could take some of the herbal medicine that is legal in fifteen states now. It helps the pain and paralysis a lot. When I get tired my right leg doesn’t work very well, making it awkward to move. I fell down twice while mowing the weeds.

WAKE UP BOB!!!! Just drifted off again. It’s already after 4:00 now. Need to make sure I drink a lot of water as I sweated a few gallons as I worked. Can’t remember what I did but know I worked hard. Think I’ll call Cherie and ask what kind of cat food I’m supposed to get.

First thing Cherie said is “Boy, you sound whipped”. No question that I’m tired then if Cherie can hear it in my voice. We decided to meet for dinner after she gets off work. There’s more I need to do around here. Perhaps after we eat and I rest a bit I’ll get a second wind. I usually do and go back at things till it gets dark. By then I’m pooped so odds are I won’t get much done on the business plan research or creating the blog for Kairos prison ministry.

Here’s a question for you oil people. What is this rig for? It looks like one of those drilling rigs used for drilling the relatively shallow wells for water. It’s set up across the street where they just drilled an oil well last month. Are they drilling for water? I keep seeing these announcements in the Martin County paper regarding salt water injection wells and they always give coordinates that mean nothing to me, don’t have a clue where they are. My concern is our ground water, that is already a mess and got that way in just the last few years.

What's behind smiling faces?

Today's bird picture. We thought there were only three baby birds in this nest. Come to find out there are four. It's already crowded so we worry that one will eventually fall or get pushed out. This is the way of nature, life can be cruel and the concept of "fair" doesn't exist in the wild.

7/26/10 Monday
It’s the start of another week. There is always more to do than one man can do but I’m used to that. Time and God will help me find the means to accomplish the goals we have. I am motivated by many things, the love I have for Cherie and the desire to create a life for her being way up there on the list. Another motivation I have is the knowledge of the low esteem some have for us. I love to prove their concept of who I am wrong. But ultimately I desire to create that which will change lives, provide the jobs, help, and assistance some need to pick themselves up in life. It will be a legacy that keeps giving long after I am gone. I was recently told, in an indirect way, that we had no need for a legacy and in that the teller revealed their heart and the true value they placed on us. There is a disdain there, an air of “We’re better than you are and thus deserve more than you do". It was sad to hear, broke our hearts.
Love these cannas, or whatever they're called. Grow no matter what and attract hummingbirds too.

But I refuse to be discouraged. I will press on towards the goal, confident that my life has a purpose and that I was raised from the dead for a reason. If I achieve these goals will I gloat and throw it in others' faces? I hope not for then I would be just as hypocritical as they are, I would become the very thing that is so distasteful to me. My prayer is that I will show mercy and grace and work to help those who judge, and in their heart despise, to become better people.

Was talking to our friend, who visited the farm yesterday, about the plaque I so often display on this blog. She’s seen it and when I quoted the creed written thereon “Money and things will vanish in a flash. What has true lasting value is the lives you touch”, she shook her head in enthusiastic agreement. So that is my motivation. The bible says “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all to the glory of God”. I am no longer interested in simply filling my pockets or acquiring possessions. Been there and done that years ago before the coma. I’ve had money, prestige, and all that comes with it. In fact these things contributed to my destruction.

This was the car. Was flung out the back window as it rolled end over end
You may get tired of hearing it but I’ll say it again, my life is a gift. I was pronounced dead at the scene of the car wreck (still listed as a fatality in Oklahoma) and then was like a baby, having to have my diapers changed and spoon fed. I was taught once again how to talk and walk and then wandered homeless for almost two years as my brain struggled to repair itself. What was important to me no longer matters. Oh, it wasn’t an epiphany as in a sudden realization or change. This took years to evolve, a slow retraining of thought so to speak. Finding Cherie twenty years after our divorce, and having life restored to us, is an integral part of this change in how I view the world. So here’s the scripture of the day, from my favorite chapter of the bible, Mathew chapter 6, which contains the Lord’s prayer along with so much else.
Just a couple of weeks ago this was all weed free. We've only lost 3 of the Afghan pines so far.

Mathew 6.19 "Do not store up for yourselves wealth here on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and burglars break in and steal. 20 Instead, store up for yourselves wealth in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and burglars do not break in or steal. 21 For where your wealth is, there your heart will be also.

I may not have all I once did, and in fact don’t have much at all and the government says that our level of income places us at the poverty level, but I am one of the richest people on earth. I have life and my wife. Everything is paid for from the home, land, to our vehicles so by many standards in the world we are wildly wealthy. I’ve seen true poverty so what the government standards are, are really irrelevant. We are blessed in so many ways. There is a roof over our heads, food in the cupboard, and we have found a few friends, whom we can trust. The last, friends we can trust, is the most valuable of them all.

There’s work to do. I came in to fix some eggs and sat down with this computer to quickly check email and ended up writing all this. Be blessed folks, think about what is really important and if needed make changes accordingly. Love life and live a life you can be proud of.
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Frustration comes in many ways. There was one single watermelon that managed to grow in the garden. I took a picture and posted it just a few days ago. It was almost ripe but I decided to give it a few more days. Gretchen and Ben, but most likely Gretchen, broke into it and ate it all. Pissed me right off. I’ve put up fence posts and have the fencing ready to go but am unable to stretch the fence by myself. It’s been sitting here ready to go for over two months now. One of the guys from the halfway house helped me fence in where the tomatoes are back when we could afford the help. We really need to finish this. Ben was laying right on top of the peas that were just coming up, crushing them. He seems to very much enjoy laying on the beds I’ve made for the plants. They did this all before, not just laying on the plants but digging nice little places in them to lay in. So fences are important and till they get put up it will be difficult.