Sunday, January 28, 2007

It's a late post but it's here.

1/28/07 Sunday
It’s 8:40 in the evening and I am just now opening this journal. My mind is reeling because there are so many things happening, so much to process and absorb. So where do I start? With the beginning of the day? With what is preeminent in my thoughts? I’ll start with recreating the day best I can but do want to note what is occupying the largest portion of my thoughts. That is this blog itself. It is experiencing an explosion in the number of visitors. That has me wondering, thinking, pondering what will this mean. What responsibilities come as more folks peak into this window that reveals the wonders and hardships of the miracle of our life? I will have to think on this for a while so till then here’s how the day went.

The coyote’s were stirring last night. We could hear them yapping off in the distance so when we got up we were anxious to see of Skittles, our outside cat who adopted us last month, was still there or had become a coyote meal. He was there but Cherie said he was on top of the house I put up for him with his back arched and fur up so there was something that had him perturbed. I went out and gave him some lap time which he ate up as always, purring and making sure I petted every part of his body, especially around the ears.

Cherie has gotten much better at getting ready for church on time so we got there early like I want to. I know it’s probably not the right “spiritual” reason but my main motivation for going to church is to make friends, to become known and accepted in this small community. The most important part of that for me is for Cherie. She is far from home, as in two thousand miles, and has no one to talk to during her day. Sure she has me and we love each other dearly but I don’t do the girl talk thing well if at all. She needs some outside emotional support.

Just like last week, and for that matter nearly every week, I could see her stress up. “I don’t like going to Sunday school” she told me when we parked at the church. “I don’t know what to expect. I’m afraid I’ll get hurt again”. This is nothing new. We’ve both been hurt, stomped on at other churches in Toledo and in Cherie’s case Arizona too that being gun shy should come as no surprise. She was the same way last week and her fear and trepidation was as apparent as it was now. Last week she brightened considerably by the time we finished Sunday school and were in the church. It was the same today. I talked with a gentleman about woodworking and we both have similar interests. We discussed old tools and the old ways of doing things. He told me about how Mesquite is for woodworking, which is a wood I am totally unfamiliar with as you can’t find it up north. I look forward to working with some when I get a shop together. During this time Cherie was talking with the guys wife and they seemed to have connected well.

Chuck and Lillian were there so we were happy to see them. In church pastor Dave seemed rather inspired with his sermon and was very effective at getting his point across. He made a point of coming over to say hi which of course made me feel good. There were many others we are getting to know who greeted us warmly. We really aren’t used to this but that’s OK, we’ll get there.

After church we went home where I got out of my Sunday go to meeting black jeans and shirt and put my regular clothes on. Cherie fixed some hamburgers for lunch and after watching the end of a John Wayne movie we headed to Midland. There we looked for some kind of insulation to use on our new wood burner in addition to another one of the panels to protect the floor and wall from the heat. They were sold out of the panels and I didn’t really find what I was looking for with the insulation though I did get a caulk tube of something that might work. We decided to get some stone to lay down for the wood burner to rest on and look forward to getting that set up. I picked up a file to sharpen the chain on the saw and Cherie looked at carpet. By this time I was wearing out bad as I often do in a store and a migraine was on it’s way. Cherie could easily tell that I was going downhill fast so we made it a day. Coming home I was about worthless and crawled into bed. The migraine was one of those turn off the lights and hide ones so that’s one of the reasons I didn’t crack open this journal till late. Now I am finally a bit lucid though at 10:00 it’s late for me.

Back to the blog. With all the new readers I need to be better at explaining some of the things because they won’t be up to speed on the people or events. Later, if I set up the website I want, this will be easier cause I can devote areas that will help them see the bigger picture. I kind of tried that with the two other blogs that I linked to this one. The “Love Story” tells of how we met, fell in love, got married, divorced, lost contact for seventeen years and got back together and remarried. She is my first and third wife.

The “What about Bob” blog is one I haven’t kept up with but I have been working on a short biography/timeline that gives an idea of the somewhat ugly life I had from birth. I’m not sure how that will go over and that brings up one of the internal debates I now have with this sudden increase of interest in us. Some of my life can be disturbing and I wonder if it may frighten some off. I suppose that is a given for there are always those who are judgmental and will categorize anyone who did something like use drugs as a form of evil they wish to hear nothing about and have nothing for them. But you know, the hell with them. I am who I am and I’m not who I was. Regardless I will tell the truth and not put on any airs. What you see is what you get. As you saw in the plaque I put on the last post I will love life and live a life I can love. That means there will be nothing I will be ashamed of in the life I live today. That is why I have no problem revealing our life through this blog, living in a glass house if you will. We all make mistakes and from those we gain wisdom. At least that’s the theory. By that theory I must be one of the wisest guys on earth cause I sure made some whopper mistakes.

So Eric and some others used the word “Inspirational” regarding our story. That word adds to the sense of responsibility. The very concept that I can have that kind of impact on another is one that stirs a mix of emotion or thought. Sometimes it’s hard for me to find the words that convey what I feel inside. In some of my old writing from the earlier days since I woke up I talked of how our lives have a ripple affect like a rock thrown into a pond. This goes back again to the plaque, where it says “money and things can vanish in a flash. What has real lasting value is the lives we touch”. When you touch a life and that person’s life is changed then those he touches are receiving a portion of your touch so to speak.
My oldest son, whom I raised since he was four when I married his mom, is now a sheriff in Toledo. He bears with him the influences garnered from me. The picture shows him at Fort Meigs in Toledo. He is a military reinactor, a hobby I introduced him to. Not all of them are good but even the bad things I did were lessons for him. I made sure of that.

“Inspirational”. That word carries a standard that can be hard to maintain. Who am I to inspire others? I am a fighter, I don’t or won’t give up, I have pulled myself out of the mud several times but I’m also the one that put me in the mud in the first place. A man does reap what he sows. That’s an inescapable truth. Yet I do live my life to help others for in this I find value in the life I have. If I can inspire others to get involved, to somehow improve another’s life then I have created a ripple. How can I do that? By writing. There is power in the written words one puts out.

Speaking of that, in the Martin County newspaper there is an announcement that the West Texas Writers organization is meeting on February the third. I want to go to that. So many have asked or at least stated that I should write a book or several. I always tell them I’m working on that though not much is really getting done. Perhaps this group will provide some impetus for me.

It’s getting late and I am tired so I suppose I will wrap this up. To Eric and the others who are adding me to their blog rolls, thank you. I will try to be worthy of that recognition. I don’t do bad for brain damage do I? Of course that is one of the purposes of this blog, to raise awareness and understanding of this injury. I may get lost and confused easily, I may not recognize you thirty minutes after I meet you, but I ain’t stupid. See Y’all next time. Night.
(Here’s the plaque again)


Eric said...

Your transparency is moving. And if you haven't already made his acquaintance, I believe that Wallace over at Streams (another Midland blog, perhaps the first one in Midland at that) might have some special empathy for your past and how you're now dealing with it. I recommend a visit:

That Janie Girl said...

Good writing, Bob. I'm impressed with how y'all face things. And ditto Eric's comments.

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