It’s catch up time again. Always seems
to be catch up time around here. I stay busy and often find that what I thought
I did I did not do. That is one of the most frustrating results of this brain
injury. There is much that has happened so where do I start? Thinking,
thinking…what to share and what should I keep to myself? There are of course
things that happen which are not very positive or uplifting so the internal
debate is “Can anything good come out of me talking about it?”. Sometimes that
is a tough question. We live in a fallen and messed up world, with many varying
viewpoints on what is good and what is not. Regardless of who you are and what
you believe there is someone who will take offense regarding the stance you
display. I understand that well as it seems I have an innate ability to rub
others the wrong way. I guess this is unavoidable, especially in this day and
time. As I write I am deciding what to share and what not, but I also
understand that it is not what a person says that matters, it is the motive
behind it that is important. I have recently been called a racist and demon
possessed by different people in different situations. I can write in a way
that puts them down and makes me look right, or I can write with the hope of
making people think and examine their hearts, with the ultimate goal of
improving their lives. Will contemplate whether or not to write about these
instances as I work on the journal. (I did decide to write about it. You can read find it near the end of this post) The racist thing was a comment from a guy who says that everyone who did not vote for Obama or is not accepting his ideas is racist so he threw that at me. Not really worth taking the time to discuss. The demon possessed deal is different, and might be worth shining some light on.
One
of the roots of all disagreements is the need folks have to be right, and to
prove to others that fact, which of course requires that they prove the other
person to be wrong. In all conflicts there is the desire to win, to come out on
top. At the core of that lies pride, the source of all sin. Now I know that
some of the readers of this blog are not believers in the same God I put my
faith in, and I greatly respect their right to believe or not believe however
they choose. In fact I feel honored that they still visit and read these
ramblings of mine despite not holding the faith I have.
We
had a beautiful thanksgiving dinner. It was just Cherie and I and she went all
out to make it extra special. The turkey had been given to us a month or three
earlier so that was a blessing for sure. Cherie made the green bean casserole
from fresh beans and I’d have to say it was the best I’ve ever had. Of course,
when you are unable to remember ever having green bean casserole that statement
loses some value but I suspect it is a safe bet cause it was yummy. There was
sweet potatoes mashed and a sweet potato pecan pie, something I had never heard
of before. Cherie got out her grandmothers antique china for this meal as well.
We prayed, gave God thanks for all the blessings He has given us and really
enjoyed a wonderful time together.
I
sent email messages to my sister, mother, and brother, wishing them all a happy
thanksgiving. They all replied, even my brother. His response was only one
sentence but considering the friction we have had I was grateful for even that.
My hope is that our family could be reconciled but that will take some effort
on my part. Unfortunately I am not very good at keeping in touch despite desiring
to. Just like I forget when I posted in this blog I forget to write to my
family.
I
finally got the diesel truck running. It has cost us more to keep running than
we paid for it but I suppose we should expect that from an eighteen year old
truck with 200,000 miles on it. Two flywheels (because they didn’t put the
first one on right) a starter and then what is called a PMD failed. That is the
electronic controller of the fuel injection pump on the Chevy diesel, a part
that is known for its high failure rate. Not knowing much at all about diesels
I went online and joined a diesel owners forum. There I learned all kinds of
things and got lots of good practical advice on what was wrong and how to fix
it. When I described how the truck would surge in power and would quit running
in the middle of the street they quickly identified the problem, and a
solution. The factory placement of this part is on top of the motor, where
temperatures get pretty high so a common solution is to relocate it.
Meantime
the other truck still had not been repaired (and hasn’t yet today. Fact is the mechanic just refused to fix what he broke, told me to take my truck and go away. Problem is it does not run and I borrowed his truck to tow it there) so this left
us in bad shape, with Cherie’s car the only trustworthy transportation. With
money tight we do the best we can, and pray a lot. One day, as we walked out of
our Sunday school class we meet a friend from the Kairos prison ministry, whom
I hadn’t seen in almost a year. We got to talking and catching up on what had
been going on and he learned about the trucks not being operational. Later he
offered to help pay to get one of them fixed and the least expensive fix was
the diesel. Even though he seemed to be willing to pay for the more expensive repair,
the need for a transmission in the other truck I suggested he help with the
diesel. That was a repair I could do myself so all we needed was the part.
After
searching and asking online I learned Auto Zone carried the part in two forms.
One was remanufactured and the other was new. The remanufactured one carried a
1 year warranty while the new one came with a lifetime warranty. That cost a hundred
dollars more so I called our friend and he agreed that the lifetime warranty
was worth the extra money, especially for a part that is known to fail. With
the part purchased next came the task of relocating it to a cooler place. One
of the Diesel owners forum members had an extra wiring harness to use so sent
it to us at no charge. 
The
general consensus on that forum is to move the PMD and mount it behind the
front bumper so that is what I did. The important step is to install a heat
sink with it to cool this device that generates a great deal of heat on its
own. Purchasing a heat sink means I’d have to spend thirty to eighty more
dollars and I am pretty frugal when it comes to spending money, our own and
that of others who want to help. So looking around I saw an old lawnmower I
scavenged from the landfill for parts years ago. The top of the cylinder is
finned and designed to dissipate heat so I removed it. Finding a piece of ¼
inch steel plate I’d saved from somewhere (I don’t throw much away, ever) so
cut it to size and proceeded to drill and tap holes to mount it on the cylinder
head and to mount the PMD on top.
Unfortunately
the tap set I have is, like most of my tools, cheap and made in China. I was
not able to get one little hole tapped. Was missing the appropriately sized
drills I needed to so this required several trips to the store as taps bent,
broke, and to get drill bits. But finally it all came together. Yay. I now have
a truck that runs.
So
we are blessed. We live in the midst of all kinds of darkness and while things
are tight and sometimes difficult we are blessed. When I went to the jail
yesterday I taught the guys a lesson from Mathew 5. In it Jesus said “you are
the light of the world”. Light shines brightly in the darkness, it is there to
lead and guide those seeking a way out of what often traps them. As I taught
these men behind bars I wanted to emphasize that there is a way out of the path
that put them in the jail, that Jesus came to set the captives free. Freedom
from all those things that chain us, that lead us in directions we do not want
to go is a big aspect of our faith in God.
The
other message I wanted to convey is that when they get out of jail they will
again face all the temptations that got them put in jail in the first place.
Several of them have made the decision to become Christians or to renew the
relationship to God they had once had. I have seen and experienced what happens
when someone makes that decision to change their life and as a part of that to
change how they live it. Their friends often are the ones who drink, use drugs,
and practice the things that are appropriate for a follower of Christ. They
don’t understand or don’t like a lifestyle that is based on doing what is
right, from a Christian perspective. You see, they, like I once did, don’t see
anything wrong with spending your time partying, getting trashed, and all the
stuff that comes along with that, so for them it is right.
Jesus
said “This is the verdict: Light has come into the
world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come
into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so
that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through
God." (John 3)
This has always been the way of
things when it comes down to how people act. In prison, and in the outside
world, people who truly live as Christ are seen as weak and often attacked. My
desire in teaching these men is to prepare them for the ridicule they might get
when they get out and their old friends find that they no longer wish to
carouse with them as before. There are unfortunately many who fall back into
their old lifestyle and are lost after having been found. One of the things we
are praying about is to find a place where I can work with these men and
others, helping them to get or stay free from all those things that bound them
before.
At Church today we started studying
the prophet Hosea. The teacher described the conditions of the nation of Israel
in the time period Hosea wrote and asked “How does that compare to what we see
in our country today?”. There is no question, at least in my mind, that our
country has followed the path of the Israelites, that God has been abandoned in
many circles, forgotten in others, rejected and ridiculed by many, and in the
church we see so much compromise that the line between right and wrong is so
blurred many cannot see the difference. Read this scripture out of second
Timothy.
But know this, that in the last days perilous
times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money,
boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of
good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of
God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people
turn away!
Now I read this for years and
presumed it talked about people who were in the world but the other day it hit
me, right between the eyes, this is a description of what was to happen in the
church. When you read the context you understand Paul was not only warning
Timothy of what he would face but prophetically describing the church of today.
“Having a form of Godliness but denying its power”. The prophet Isaiah said it well
The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me
with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
It is sad to watch so many, who
proudly strut their faith in Jesus, yet talk about others, killing them with
their words, and justify it by saying “We are doing the Lord’s work”. Think of
the Pharisees of Jesus’ day. Understand that they were confident they were
doing God’s work as they fought against Jesus. They were righteously indignant
when Jesus ate with sinners, when He did not wash His hands the way they
thought He should, and followed Him carefully, looking for anything they could
find to accuse Him of. How quickly they forget the number one command of the
one they call Lord, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength,
and mind. And love your neighbor as yourself.
Paul also told Timothy “Yes, and all
who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. But evil men
and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived.” in his
letter. I can definitely relate to that. Recently got an email from a pastor,
who’s church we had attended for over a year and it said “You need deliverance but I knew you
would not receive that information from me. You have the spirit of religion,
rejection, unforgiven toward all the people who do not bend to your concept of
your religion. The people at church spotted 4 others. I can't remember all of
them right now. You need to seek help. We know you had already been ask to
leave other churches before you came to ours. We thought we might could help
you.” (Can you feel the love here? Me neither, just a whole lot of judgment)
Heck they saw so many demons in me that the pastor lost count.
For
the year we attended I practically begged this pastor to meet with me. We had
gone there to submit our ministry to leadership, to be under submission to the
pastor, as I feel this is the correct biblical way of doing things. Instead it
seemed that jealousy, envy, and even a paranoid fear I was there to take over,
ruled in the pastors mind. It is clear from this and several other emails I got
(for she never sat down and talked with me) that not just the pastor but many
in the church sat down and talked about me many times. They looked hard for
faults and decided I was demon possessed and needed to have these demons cast
out, but never once said a word or offered to help me with this perceived fault.
I wrote back and said I would let them pray over me and try to cast out demons
for as long as they wanted. There was of course no response because they really
don’t care, just offer empty words to justify their judgment.
Here is more of Paul’s words in 2
Timothy, “I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and
out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful
instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound
doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a
great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will
turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”
I’m done for now. Probably said too
much. But every word is the truth and truth is seldom popular. Remember, God
really does love you.
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