Out of the hospital, into my brothers care.

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Need to keep up

6/13/06 Tuesday
This morning I am scheduled to pick up Denise at 10:00 or so to take her to buy a birthday and fathers day cards. I just called her to check and she won’t be able to make it till 2:30. I couldn’t quite get why that was but that’s ok. That gives me some time to do things that need to be taken care of. Writing Larry is on top of the list. Haven’t quite gotten to that for days now.

This sucks. I think I just deleted a ton of work I did transcribing the Social Security forms for MS disability.

No I got lucky and had saved an earlier version, plus I use this automatic save program that comes with Word.

I’m just going to post this and try to get something done today.
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Just called the local A.R.E. dealer to get an idea what the truck cap we got with the truck. I had guessed $1000.00 but was off by a grand. This cap, with it’s current configuration is worth about $2500, more than half of what I paid for the truck. He told me that used the unit was worth a grand and he sells them also.

Time to run and get the locks.

Now it’s 12:00. Never made it to get the locks. I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen a little. I am wondering if I should wait to see if Cherie will come home for lunch.

Yesterday, when she came home from work at the end of the day I saw her drive in and park. I called her on the cell as I watched her get out of the car. She could tell by the ring it was from me so when she answered it was “Yeah”. “Where do you want to go eat. Lets go someplace nice, to hell with cooking dinner!” I said. “Where are you?” Cherie asked. “Upstairs looking at you”. “Get down here you clown” was the end of the conversation. I took her to Red Lobster where we pigged out. She was telling me how expensive this was so I told her “Cherie, when we get to Texas were going to have to buckle down and live tight so we’re going to enjoy our last days in Toledo and have as much fun as we can”. I want to buy a digital camcorder so we can record this move and the building of the farm.
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7:00 – Catch up time. At the moment it is hard to remember what I did today. I know I picked up Denise at 2:30 and took her to the bank and then to get a card.

At some point I went and got the three locks for the truck keyed. I was just getting to the last lock to install when Fred called. He had told me earlier that Barb was in the hospital and I could see the worry on his face. She was hemorrhaging all night. Fred said she was home and asked if I could get her check cashed tomorrow. “Fred, are you ready to go now?” I asked. He said he just had to put some shoes on so I said “Lets go”.

Barb was laid out and Fred goes “You want to go with us to cash your check”. Barb looks up with unbelief and said “I’m not going anywhere”. Fred was at a loss and continued to ask her if she wanted to go, this time to pick up her prescription. He figured it out so gave her $40 in exchange for her check. He was real particular to make the point “Now this check is all mine right?” as he clutched the check to his chest. I’ve been seeing an increase in this type of behavior with Fred, kind of a detachment from reality. Of course, who am I to talk, like I’m not a little detached also?

There will most likely be several errands to do for this problem. I hurried home with Fred so I could finish up the truck. Got the locks all installed and working so I can make the truck secure now. Can’t believe it’s already 7:23 now. Been running all day long. Never did eat. I suppose it would be smart to take my pill and got some food in me. Cherie had some kind of appointment, I think with her doctor though that is not clear, so she said she would be home late. I’ve hardly been home at all. Got an E mail from Patrick regarding an offer from Larry. I think I will get something to eat and set back to think, or perhaps laugh.

It's Monday, Off and running

6/12/06 Monday
1:00 – I’ve already been moving today. Took Fred to a couple of dollar stores as he finished a shopping list for Barb with a few things for himself. Fred is in a strange mood and cranky as always. Barb’s Foodstamps were not renewed, partly because her caseworker went on vacation, so she did not have any money for food. She asked Fred, telling him all she needed was fat free mayo, a bag of salad, and a gallon of milk. He agreed to buy that so we went to the Pharm. That didn’t talk long because I went in and made sure it didn’t.

I got Barb dropped off and headed home with Fred. He wanted to stop at Kroger to buy a half gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. Wish he would a got it while we were at the Pharm. I ran in to get it to save time. Coming back to the car Fred started on “Do you know where the battery is?” again. This has been bothering Fred ever since he found out it was not under the hood but under or behind the back seat. “Let’s go to Ed Schmidt and make them tell us” Fred said. I told him “No Fred. I’ll look it up in the manual. I have lots to do today so really don’t want to waste time”. That worked so now I am at home. Figured I would get this posted before I take off again

Here's a picture from when we took Denise to the park yesterday. A full spread is coming.
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Here's Denise pushing Cherie. She really loved to push us as holding onto the handles steadies her enough to be able to walk with confidence. Perhaps others watching may think that Denise is helping me and I am sure that thought enhanced the emotions here.


1:50 - I forgot to take my pill this morning, then I remembered I forgot it during the day, and of course promptly forgot what I remembered till I just remembered it again. Welcome to Bob Life. One of the reasons I remembered is because my ears are ringing and I am getting that head spinning thing. Not good. I’ll have to make sure it settles before I go out driving. I took my pills and fixed a tortilla roll up with the leftovers from the Mexican restaurant we went to some time in the past. Hopefully that takes care of this.

3:12 – That did help. I went to the car lot to see if the parts came in for the truck. The mirror was there and Steve put that in. Makes it allot safer to drive. I showed him where the clasps were broken on the door panel and asked if he would order one, telling him I would pay for it. Hey, that’s the rules, “as is, where is”. I knew the door panel was cracked so it’s on me.


The truck is running good so far, that’s a plus. This is the first vehicle I have owned since waking up from the coma nearly six years ago. I am going to look for a locksmith in the yellow pages to get the lock cylinders for the cap. I got the name of the manufacturer off the cap so will see if I can find it online.

Things are moving

Didn’t catch the news. I just E mailed Bruce to see if he is home yet.
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6/10/06 Saturday
I was foggy this morning, running a 5 on the Bob scale. I took some of the herbal stuff and it seemed to help just a little. Right now I need to get on my response to Larry.

As I researched past communications with Larry I saw some things in what I wrote that were disturbing. I would fixate on a subject and kinda go into left field with it. I can see how I am hard to get along with but it also seems that Larry brings it out in me. I also found an essay I wrote for Thanksgiving in 2004. Think I will put it on my “What about Bob” blog.

7:00 – Just got home. We bought a truck today in preparation to moving to Texas. Got a good deal on a 2002 Silverado 1500. It was a fleet truck for emergency repairs and has a nice lockable cap with a tool section and ladder racks. Hey, I got a STROBE light with a switch on the dash and everything. That way if it breaks down no one will hit me.
It has 145,000 miles on it and is a little scratched and dinged up. The handle needs to be replaced as it was damaged when someone broke into it. Oh yeah, the passenger side mirror is missing. It won’t lock. It’s bare bones basic, no electric nothing but it does have an AM / FM RADIO. That is pretty much exactly what I wanted. It has a chassis built for a V-8 but this year they did offer a V-6. Just what I was going to look for because of fuel economy.

6/11/06 Sunday
We are both up and going this morning. Cherie raced over to the laundrymat to get a large washer before they were all taken. That’s the way it is here because there are well over a dozen large apartment buildings with in two blocks of here. Add to that what’s coming with the four HUD housing apartment complexes and this area will be getting bad. Last night we had two cars that ran across the grass and did donuts in the parking lot. Fred tells me that the new tenants across the hall from him have lots of traffic coming through. “It’s like a drive through here” Fred said. I told him “Fred, you need to keep your door locked now”. There has been an increased amount of activity in the parking lot and when I saw the new tenant he definitely had the gang banger look.

Fred saw me looking the truck over so he met me at the door. “What’s new Robert” he said. I knew Fred saw me drive up in the truck and look through it but didn’t want to get into it yet so just said “We’re busy now Fred”. “I saw you with that truck. Did you borrow it?”. I told Fred that I had just bought the truck because we needed it to move to Texas. This is what Fred had been afraid of hearing. I have warned him repeatedly that this day would come. “Now I’ll have to put a for sale sign on the car” he stated to throw in a little guilt about us leaving him. I talked to Fred again about moving into the Shriner’s retirement home where things are taken care of for him.

Today I will finish the letter to Larry. I was planning on writing him a book but will cut it down drastically. I recognized how I would fixate on something and go overboard about it when I read my old E mails to Larry so will try to balance that out some. I also plan to work on the truck and change the locks on the tool boxes.

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I got a reply from the E mail I sent Bruce asking "Are you home now?" He is. I am sure his time is taken up with all kinds of visiting and catching up on his affairs.
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5:37 – We got back from Office Depot an hour or two ago. There I bought Cherie a new laptop. It is the one thing she wanted most when we got this inheritance money. I just love to make her smile and brother, was she smiling. She has been opening it, exploring it, setting it up for a while now. She just took a break to fix some dinner.

We called Denise and asked if she would like to go to the park. It’s a bit chilly but she’ll go. I told her to wear something warm then. Cherie and I just went out and had a big photo session with the truck. Never had so much fun taking pictures before or at least if I did I don’t remember it.


This is one well built cap on this truck. This side has shelves for your tools and the locks are fairly heavy. I think I will have to attach some kind of strapping to keep tools from flying all over.


Just what the doctor ordered. Got it for $4,000 and it is solid and secure. Ladder racks on top and full rear access means I can haul some stuff. The cap is probably worth a grand by itself. I really don't have a clue but think its a good guess.



Am I glad I got the digital camera back? Oh yeah, I love it.

Bruce is coming home?

I don't know for sure, just saw on the news his group will arrive at the airport so presume he will be with them.

6/9/06 Friday
I am pretty rough this morning. Running a 5 on the Bob scale. I met Jeff for our Friday morning breakfast. The first thing he said was about a house he drives by near his office. He said there was a boat that looked torn apart and a forklift in the driveway. No surprise there. Then we talked about Bruce coming home from Iraq and how I was trying to reconnect with my youngest son. I explained that I would not be able to go to the airport to greet him when they all get there. “Besides that” I said “Bruce’s mom will be there and there is definitely some bad blood between us, so maybe it’s best I can’t make it”. I am also sure I will not be invited to the barbeque after because it will probably be at the house I bought and my ex got. Well to be honest I’m not buying it anymore because she got it in the divorce, I just have seventeen years invested in it.

This morning I take Fred and Barb to his eye doctor where he will buy her some glasses. I called and tried to get him to go earlier but he wouldn’t. I hope it doesn’t take to long as I would like to run to the airport on the chance I will see Bruce. Who knows.

Blogger was working earlier so I was able to post the rest of yesterday this morning. Really tired, woke up worn out. I did go to look at a truck Bill Self told me was for sale. It might do if the price is right. The car lot doesn’t open till 12:00. It is on the way to the airport so I will stop by on the way back from trying to see Bruce.

Fred wants to leave at 11:00 and it is 9:51 now. I will fix some breakfast because I’m supposed to and it’s good for me. Then will rest till I take Fred and Barb around. By the way folks, the Muslim seems to have settled down now and there have been no more crackhead whores staying there. He doesn’t talk to me anymore. That works for me just fine. He isn’t driving his semi as much lately. Enough of this inconsequential prabble
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10:29 – This is a typical brain damage moment. As you can read in the last paragraph I said I will fix breakfast because I’m supposed to. I putzed around deciding what to fix and settled on just scrambling some eggs. Got the pan out, got the eggs out, got it all going and was halfway through cooking them when I remembered. I already ate breakfast, I just met Jeff at the Waffle House. Not unusual for me.

2:54 – Well I didn’t get to see Bruce but first here’s the day so far. Fred called shortly after I wrote the previous paragraph. We left at 10:45 and picked up Barb. She was waiting on the front steps for us as we pulled up. Barb was in a good mood, smiling and laughing in her ten year old way. I got us to the glasses place Fred had in mind. He had a coupon for “buy one get one free” at this business, one of the chains that do eyes. I knew right away this was going to be fun. Fred never reads the fine print and you could see there was a books worth on this half page newspaper ad.

We went in, Barb presented herself to the sales clerk dressed like a doctor, and Fred fretted. I began to look at glasses in the displays and separated from the crew, kinda on purpose. Then Barb was ushered into the back room where the examination would start. Fred wouldn’t sit down so, realizing this would take a while said “Fred, I’m going out for some fresh air” and went for the door. I made it.

I’m leaning on the car and enjoying the cool breeze when a guy pulls into the space next to me. “Did you lock your keys in?” he inquired. I explained “I’m just escaping” so he hurried in after a puzzled look. I went back in and Fred was just coming out. “You’ve got to help Barb fill out this paperwork” he said with his impatience showing.

I went in and took the clipboard from her. First I had to explain what the papers meant because, to use her words “There some big words in it. I don’t understand what it says”. I whipped through the questions quickly, already knowing some answers, and handed the clipboard to a happy receptionist or whatever you call her. At this time Cherie returned my call so I was happy to go back outside. I told her all about the truck I had looked at this morning. (I had to go back and read the entry to remember when I looked at the truck. Thought it might have been yesterday. Cherie said she trusted my judgment in this so “Do what you think’s best”.

Barb reminded Fred several times that I wanted to see if Bruce was coming home as he started planning other places to go. I appreciated that. When it came time for Barb to pick out the glasses her brain injury became apparent. She is much worse than I but still, sorting the hundreds of frames that are all around her is too much. The saleslady would ask lots of questions requiring decisions like “What color do you like? What kind of style?” and on. I watched Barb getting frustrated and confused so stepped in. “Barb, just point to the ones you like and then try them on”. This helped immensely, allowing her to focus and slow down the pace.

Barb needed bifocals and wanted the lenses that get dark in the sun so was anxious to make sure her frames were good for that. Fred had encouraged her about how good the transition lenses (No line bifocals) were, pointing to his own. Things got settled down to a couple pair so Barb asked me and then Fred what we thought trying first with one and the other. She made a decision so the saleslady led us to the Money Table. (OOOH, Now it comes out) She went through all the details pinning everything down and then hits the calculator. “That will be $405.76, plus tax” Bam! I thought this would do it but looking over at Fred I see that he did not hear a thing.

“What did you say?” Fred said but Barb cut in and started discussing with the saleslady how to reduce the price. It got to $298.00 when Fred finally heard where the price was. YEAH, Now We Start. She explains the cost of no line bifocals and transition lenses along with the $145.00 frames. Fred is frustrated and caught by surprise. I helped settle him in a bit and had the girl write everything out and run through it with him. Barb showed the coupon where it said two for the price of one $69.00. Next to it was another coupon for $89.00 that included bifocals. She tried to explain this was for different glasses (You know, the cheapest glasses on the cheapest frames with NO extra’s thrown in) but Fred didn’t get it. I explained it to him loud enough so he could actually hear and in simple terms he could usually comprehend. He finally flings his credit card at the girl saying “Here, I’ll just buy the damn thing”.

“Sir, you have to pay over there at the other counter” she said. I intervened, possibly saving her life. “Fred, it sounds like a good deal but the coupons no good. Barb’s not getting the no line lenses but regular bifocals to bring the price down. He settled some so I took him to the check out counter. “Done” I say and hear that the glasses will be ready today after 4:30. “I get to come back here just in time to miss Cherie when she comes home from work. Whoopee *%$#”.

Now I am hurrying. I want to get to the airport and I thought I had heard they would be in at 12:00 or something. I got everyone in the car and Barb had to remind Fred again that I wanted to meet my son when he wanted to go to lunch. I dropped Barb off and Fred wanted his seatbelt buckled (I have to do it for him). He knew I would be moving but I was real toned down because I didn’t want to have to CPR and mouth to mouth on him. No heart attacks here guys.

I got Fred home and left immediately for the airport. It was 12:30. Now I don’t have Fred with me so look out suckers, Bob’s coming through. Not really that bad but I made good time. I got Fred home and headed right out.

You don’t speed on Airport highway, at least not much. The Highway Patrol’s headquarters might have something to do with that. I haven’t been to the airport since I woke from the coma so it was all brand new to me. I got lost trying to find the short term lot but got in and parked. Running across the street to the terminal I look up and down, hoping to see a news truck set up to encourage me I hadn’t missed it. I go in and the first counter I see was labeled “Transportation”. I don’t care, there’s a human being so “Did the soldiers from Iraq get here yet?”. He looked stunned as he looked up from the magazine he was reading and said “What? Iraq? I don’t know”. Now I move, looking for some sign this had or was going to happen.

Nothing. Where are the bands? Where is the welcoming crowd? The news said “They would bring us the story when it happens” so where was the press? Shit.
I approached a lady who did some kind of screening for those moving into the higher security zone (You know, where you see people as they get off). “Did the soldiers from Iraq come in through here?” I asked. She said no and asked “Were they supposed to?”. Having fun yet??? I’m not. But, to her credit, she said “Maybe they’re going to come in at the National Guard base”. DOH!!! He’s Air National Guard, He flies with them. Damn, I can’t get on base without some kind of pass or something. So, No, I didn’t get to see Bruce. But he’s in town? I really don’t know. Maybe I’ll see him on the news tonight.

Blogger was down yesterday so I couldn't post. Here is the rest of yesterday. I think Bruce comes home from Iraq today. GOt to go.

Went to the MS lunch bunch at the Ground Round. They are outgrowing the room but that only became apparent as folks would trickle in one at a time over an hour. Soon all the chairs were filled and we had to get chairs for two new arrivals. Everything is going fine and I listened as different topics would float out onto the table, to be taken up and discussed by whomever’s interest it caught. On occasion I would grasp at a subject, making a comment when I thought I had something to say or saying something that would draw a laugh. Then I would go back to listening.

I know there is a Janet, a Cindy, and another woman who’s name escapes me who were there. One of them had everyone introduce themselves and say a little about their lives because there were new faces. They’re pretty much all new to me each month. As it went around I heard things that were just little clues at the toll’s and triumphs life with MS. Things like “I am divorced, happened after I was diagnosed. I have two kids I get to see every week. I’ve had MS for 28 years”. There was humor and frustration in the air as the introductions turned into conversations. I felt humbled. It came to my turn so I said “My name is Bob. I’ve got brain damage. And I’m just hanging out here cause you guys are cool”. It brought the laughter I expected and passed attention to the next guy.

During this the door opened and I saw a woman in a motorized chair who looked familiar come in. “Jill? Is that you?” I said when I saw recognition in her face, verifying I did indeed know her. I figured it had to be Jill. She had been missing, no, pretty much stopped coming to the luncheons because of an embarrassing problem that is a result of the MS. Jill gave me a huge smile and said “I’m here to give you something” as her caretaker walked up, put her hand on my shoulder and as she slid a pot of red flowers said “Happy birthday. How does it feel to be 50?”. I’m surprised. Not quite expected so I look down. This is one of those times that this emotional control thing can be embarrassing. I’ve got twenty or so people looking at me and my eyes are tearing up. This sucks. Really doesn’t work with the “I’m a tough guy” exterior. I control it, I don’t think anyone noticed.

I thanked Jill and said we should E mail. I let her know that I was getting Wayne moved which she was glad to hear. She said she couldn’t stay and despite everyone’s pleading “Come stay. Will make a spot for you” she left.

The lady next to me, a black woman strapped into a motorized wheelchair, whispered “It’s my birthday tomorrow”. I think she might be a little simple from her conversation but don’t really know. I know she is pretty bashful. We all ordered our food and there was lots of conversation regarding all things MS. What medicine did what, Dr. Kaufman is leaving? The heat, Social Security, and many other subjects.

I gave the pictures to Denise and she passed them around. That brought out allot of conversation as each individual looked through the 18 pictures that were there. I took out the two pictures that I taken just to use up film and gave the rest to Denise. She was surprised also.

We ate and Denise got up and came over. She gave me a hug and said I was not to go anywhere and went out the door. Then they came in with a birthday cake that had two lit candles on it singing “Happy birthday to Bob”. Damn. I just barely made it through the pot of flowers and now your going to hit me with this. Not bad, just a few tears rolling down the cheek that I could get furtively with my napkin.

Then Denise came towards me, holding on to the backs of chairs and arms as she must, waving a piece of paper that was folded in half with light blue letters made with a magic marker on it. “I I I’m just cheap so here you go” She forced out with a big authentic smile on her face. I reached my hand up to where it touched her hand that was shaking back and forth six inches from her tremors. This allows her to lean her hand and on mine thus steadying her hand enough to release the card she had made for me. “I had help making it” Denise said as she gave me a hug and everyone clapped.

Here, I’ve got to scan this card in.

As you can see everyone signed it. The stud thing is Denise’s sense of humor which tends to be risqué but not too much so. We all had cake, there was just enough for everyone though I was forced to eat the last piece. Can’t let it go to waste you know. I gave Cheryl, the lady sitting next to me, the flowers Jill gave me as her birthday present and we all sang happy birthday to Cheryl. This worked out. Cheryl is like a child who has found friends. She got cake and a present.

This has been a surprisingly good birthday. Yesterday I got the card from my sister, Robin, and her husband. It will go down as one of my favorite cards as it made me laugh at the same time it illustrated how much life has changed over fifty years. On the back there was a note saying “Sorry this is late. Hope you had a good birthday”. Hey Robin…It came the day before my birthday so the timing was perfect and I think you can tell it has been good so far. There was a gift card inside that was an added surprise. That brought a feeling of being accepted. Being accepted carries a deep emotion of belonging without which life is a lonely proposition.

Last night I went to Allen’s. I went for two reasons, one was to check up on him and his depression and the other was to gather my thoughts about Larry. There is no question about the level of pain Allen endures. He was in bad shape and you could see it in how his face was knotted up. I went to his garden and sat there by myself trimming and weeding. This was just what I needed as there was no stereo and Allen was too laid up to help so he stayed on his couch.

I told him it was my birthday because what else do you say when some asks you “What’s going on with you?”. We visited some and watched a show about the race to the north and south poles. I looked at a sword and Allen says “You like that one?”. “Allen, I like all your swords” I replied. “Keep it. It’s yours” he said. I protested but he was insistent. I greatly appreciate the thought but it is not quite my style. If there was something Celtic it would fit the décor I have in mind for the farm. But it was a nice gift.

4:51 – I am tired. Pretty worn out. Think I’ll lay down. Couldn’t get on Blogger again. Gave up trying. I’m pretty slow right now.

8:43 – Blogger is down all the way. I can still look at the blog but can’t post on it.

Happy birthday Bob

This first entry covers the end of yesterday. Wasn't able to post it because Blogger was down.

6:48 – It has been a tumultuous day. When I checked my E mail there was one from my lawyer in Midland saying the bank is sending me a check for my half of the CD. I called Patrick and he said that now the lawyer representing the estate has to scramble to get the property deed reassigned to both my brother and I. He had already had it put in my name. The cost of that will now be added to the estate. Patrick said that it would be simple and much less expensive for my brother and I to sign an agreement where I send him the buy out price minus the $3000 he owes me. Otherwise things get expensive and would cost Larry far more than $3000 for him to sell his half of the farm.

Then the check came. We have deposited it in the bank and already begun the plans to move to Texas. Currently Larry and I will be co owners of the farm. Don’t bother me none. He can move in with us if he wants. I’m planning on letting the land stay dormant for the next six years under the government contract that is in place which pays to let the grass grow. Because any improvements we make will increase the value of the property he will have to share in the expense of those improvements. That I will carefully document and it will be deducted from his portion of any revenue generated.

Larry sent a smart ass E mail which I will post shortly. With it I will also post the E mails and letters he has sent over the last three years where he says one thing and then another. In one he claims he has nothing to do with dad when the truth is quite different. Larry is a regular visitor at dad’s and took the silverware our mother had to dad despite telling me he would sell it as part of a settlement our mothers estate. It will take some time to put all this together as I will also go through the recordings we made of our grandmother. I must learn how so I can put excerpts of that on the blog. Then y’all will get to hear the voice of a remarkable woman. Maybe I should settle down a bit but he does ruffle the feathers a bit and I don’t take to that well.

I went to post this but Blogger is experiencing problems at the moment and is down while their engineers work to fix it.
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6/8/06 Thursday
9:09 - I take Wayne to the MS Luncheon this afternoon. He was sick last night so he may not be up to it. Should call him now.
Wayne’s not doing well so won’t be going to the support group luncheon. I will go because I have the pictures from when we took her to the park and I know she wants them. I will be working on my response to Larry and pretty much argue my case like a lawyer would. You know, get all the evidence and documentation. Hey, I’m bored and he’s being an ass. Be back later.

This day will be what I make it

6/7/06 Wednesday- Good morning world. I had a hard time waking up this morning. Still a little cloudy and only running at a 5 on the Bob scale. Perhaps a pot of coffee will help. I will take Fred grocery shopping this morning. When I finish running him around I will go pick up Wayne. He needs to have lab work done and start physical therapy
How much is a smile worth? It is priceless.
Cherie got the pictures from when we took Denise to Swan Creek developed. They are disappointing to say the least. We used Cherie’s camera because the digital camera is still at the shop. I think we had the wrong speed of film in or something because everything is grainy and it looks like we took the pictures in the middle of the night.
Told you Denise is a fighter. Now she's wheeling me around
I will be glad when the digital gets back. It should get here today but the odds are I won’t be here to receive it because I’m running everyone around. Some of the pictures turned out good as you can see.

It's a shame the picture doesn't show how up close and personal this buck was. There were three deer out there on this day. It was about 8:00 and the sun was still out.
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10:39 – Still not real sharp. Down to a 4 on the scale. I left a message on Larry’s cell phone this morning. If I don’t hear from him by the end of the day we will go ahead and take our half of the CD money. That will revert things back to Larry and I both owning the farm. Larry will then either have to sell his half for whatever he can get, which I suspect will be much less than what he would have realized by bothering to talk. Of course he will also probably have to pay a lawyer to divide the farm up. Or he could share it and live with us in the farm house. I don’t really care. Cherie and I will move down there and live on the farm either way.

OOOh 666 today, I'm scared? Not.

6/6/06 Tuesday
Today is deal with LMHA day. I was awake early, about 4:00 this morning. There is a slight headache but nothing bad. I have to laugh at all the superstitious people geeking about the date being 6/6/6. So! It’s just another day except I have to go to LMHA and try to wade through the bureaucracy to get Wayne’s move approved.

Cherie is off to work and I showered and shaved so am moving fairly well this morning. I got an E mail from my sister wishing me a happy birthday. It surprised and touched me. I didn’t know she even knew when my birthday was but there is a good chance she has sent me a birthday card every year and I don’t remember. That’s why I keep this journal.

I called Colleen at LMHA but got her voice mail. Left a message but I think it would be better if I went down in person. I’ll wash the dishes and get the pork roast I bought yesterday started in the crock pot, then head out.

11:12 – That seemed to work out. When I went in to LMHA I requested to speak with Colleen as told yesterday at the front desk. Colleen was surprised because she only takes new applications for housing but she still took the time to talk. When I explained why I was there and that NPI had a copy of the missing thirty day notice she said the solution should be easy. Colleen called NPI and left a message for them to fax their copy over to LMHA and gave the name of the appropriate person it should go to. I hope that works. I also talked to her about Denise and learned they will be taking new applications in two or three months.

This all seemed to wear me out but everything does. That is a part of TBI and will always be there but I will always not like it. I just called Virginia. She said she left a message on Larry’s phone but that he hasn’t returned the call. I will send him an E mail and suggested Virginia call him again. Who knows what’s up there. Larry may be working or hasn’t checked his messages. Or he may not care to return the call. I am to take Wayne to MUO to see his neurologist at 2:00 so will grab a nap first.
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We are at the doctors office now. It is crowded. I followed Wayne in to the examination room as I have learned Wayne often doesn’t remember things and gets confused. Both of those issues are ones that I have to deal with daily. Fortunately I have improved greatly over the five years since I woke from the coma but it is sad to watch as Wayne gradually worsens. At least my experience helps me understand what Wayne goes through and gives me the tools to compensate for him.

The doctor came in and asked the questions all doctors ask. “How are you doing? Is there anything that has changed?” and more. Wayne asked about what has been plaguing his mind since the last visit. That was when the doctor mentioned that they would check for AID’s with his blood test. Wayne had focused on that and I would try to get him to quit many times with little luck. The doctor said “No, it was not positive”. Boy was Wayne happy. He had been running on about it with the nurse as she did the preliminary things like take his weight and blood pressure. She was professional as she patiently bore with it and would not get drawn into a conversation on that subject. I am sure she was happy to be done.

The doctor left, saying he would return shortly. Wayne started telling me about how careful he had been in the sixties and then began giving details of his exploits. I am sitting there with my eye on the door, hoping the doctor would return quickly. “Yeah, there was no way I wouldn’t use a rubber with her” he was telling me as I pulled this laptop out. MUO has a wireless set up that allows open access so I went on line as Wayne kept on. I went to “Smithappens” which has a variety of funny video’s and pulled one up. “Here Wayne, check this out” I said and was happy when Wayne stopped talking to watch. Having successfully change the subject the doctor came back in.

The examination went on and the doc brought in another doctor whom I recognized as a speaker at the MS function Cherie and I had attended at the Old Navy Bistro. He went through some tests of Wayne’s reflexes and other things. Then he gave Wayne’s doctor some advice on medication and lab work. One of the things that came up was the fact that Wayne had been prescribed physical therapy at his last visit. This was one of the balls I had dropped. There had been no specific date for this prescription and I had thus not scheduled it so it had been forgotten, vanished from my mind as so many things do. It is now scheduled in my calendar for tomorrow so it will happen. The rule for me is “If it is written down it will happen”. The sad fact is that if it is not the odds are slim anything will get done.

While there I went online to see where the cheapest gas was. We did not get out of there till ten before five so it was a long visit. I got Wayne home and hurried to the Kroger in Perrysburg where gas was listed as $1.74 a gallon. That plus the ten cents I get off with my Kroger card looked good enough to justify the ten mile drive. Unfortunately those prices were reported in the morning. Driving up I was miffed to see it at $1.95. Damn. Instead of filling up I only got fifteen bucks worth. It was now 5:30 so I called Cherie at work because I knew she would be getting off soon and I was only minutes away.

“Hey, you want to meet for ice cream” I told her. She was confused at first because she knew I had the pork roast on so I explained I was right down the street. That worked. I got there before she did and waited about five minutes before she pulled up. When she did I put on the “Hey baby, you look good. You want some Ice cream?” act we do as if I was just meeting her for the first time and was trying to pick her up. She couldn’t help but laugh as she played along. We enjoyed the ice cream and each others company and headed for the house. Pulling up next to her at the light I yelled through my open window “Woah. Hey chick you are hot. You want to get together?”. Cherie laughed so hard she didn’t see the light change. Of course neither did I. Who knows what the cars behind us thought but who cares, we are in love and enjoying life.

The pork roast was fantastic. You can’t go wrong with a crock pot. Neither of us were real hungry after the ice cream so just had the roast and salad. I am worn out. It was a long day. Time to relax. Cherie just ran to the library and will drop the film off we took at the park with Denise. The roll of film wasn’t finished but I want to have the pictures for the MS lunch bunch support group meeting Thursday because I know Denise would love to have them.
Good night folks

Clear day

6/5/06 Monday
I think it will be a good day. I was hungry this morning, a sensation I seldom experience due to the brain injury. That is always a good sign. I am running a strong 8 on the Bob scale. My fingers are dancing on this keyboard. Hope this lasts all day. It is a bright cloudless day and the weatherman predicts that is the way it will stay all day long. I just went and picked up the two computers at Virtual PC’s.

When I came back I could see Fred through the front window going through everything that was at the mailboxes as he does. I was on the phone talking to Cherie on the phone. She has E mailed me a shopping list as I had asked her to do and wanted to make sure I got it. Fred waited at the door for me and when I came in it started. “Can you smell that? She sprayed something all up and down the hallway. I can smell that shit all in my place. Can you smell it?” he ranted as he pointed to Mia’s (The girls across the hall) door. “That bitch should have stayed in California”.

Richey, the guy down stairs, had come in right behind me. I looked at him as I sniffed the air. “Fred all I smell is food” I said and Richey followed with “It smells spicy. I’m getting hungry now”. That didn’t settle Fred down so he went on about how Mia always does this and it’s a shame that just when he is able to breath he has to smell this crap. “Fred, Mia’s not here. Her cars gone” I informed him to no avail. Richey shrugged, looking at me with half a grin on his face and made his escape. “It’s all in my apartment. Walk in there and smell it. Go on in” Fred instructed me. Jealous of Richey’s successful escape I went into Fred’s apartment. It didn’t smell at all like what was in the hall, it just smelled like old people. “Fred, you have a blanket blocking the bottom of the door. There’s no way that something from the hall will come in your apartment. Maybe it is from outside” I tried to convince him. Not going to work. I give up and tell Fred I have to get upstairs after confirming we will be taking Barb to the grocery store. Glad to be up here writing this journal entry.

I am sharp and it will be a good day for me but I suspect it may be a bit trying. Lou called to let me know that they too got the letter from LMHA stating that Wayne did not give them the required notice for him to move. I let Lou know that I would be personally going to LMHA to raise hell. I am glad the brain is working well as it forebodes to be an active day. I will take Fred and Barb shopping, then Wayne to cash his check and get food, and LMHA on top of that.
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Fred stayed in the car while we shopped. As soon as I got in the car he started again “Did you smell that?”. I’m already not in a good mood, especially after fighting unsuccessfully to publish this post on Blogger. I told him “Fred I don’t know what’s wrong with your sniffer but all I can smell is some good cooking. You need to settle down on this”. It actually worked to my relief.

Now I am back home and still fighting to post on my blog. Don’t know what the issue is so I am running spy ware in case it’s on my side of things. Called Wayne so he will be waiting my arrival.

Evidently Blogger has some issues. When I looked at the blog there were four identical posts for today so each time I thought I failed and redid the posts they somehow all showed up hours later. Now I cannot get into it to edit out the extra posts.
OK, now there is a notice posted that they are doing maintenance on the system so that explains things.

Been trying to reach Jennine Hummel, Wayne’s LMHA caseworker but get the automated phone jungle that won’t even reach an operator. I’ll drop by there in person on the way to get Wayne.

4:09 – Just got back. There are times and circumstances that bring the old Bob back, the Bob I have tried to bury and let die with my old life. I have been generally successful at that but on rare occasions that demon raises it’s head from the grave. Today there was a glimpse of that old life. It started with the frustration over Wayne’s housing. I have little tolerance for bureaucratic bungling, especially when it hurts another. The other thing that sets me off is when someone walks over another for their personal benefit or just decides to hog his way through. You know, the guy who cuts in line or flies past a line of cars knowing the lane ahead is closed. When I see them coming I will move my car right in their way, forcing them to stop. They get mad, honk their horn, give me the finger, and I laugh. I really enjoy setting them down.

Today, when I took Wayne shopping we ran into that. At the grocery store there is a stop sign and pedestrian walk for the patrons to cross over to the parking lot. Wayne doesn’t move fast and has to hang on to his walker. I saw a car coming that wasn’t stopping for anyone, forcing people with their full shopping carts to stop short. OK, Meet Bob. I walked out in front of the guy and stopped, smiling as I looked him in the face. I stayed there as Wayne and others made it across and then moved. The driver said something as he drove by though it wasn’t loud enough for me to make out. This is when the demon came out. “F- You Dck head” I said as I gave him a double handed single finger salute. I kind of hoped he would stop the car and get out but he evidently wasn’t as dumb as he looked.

I am not happy about it now and usually am better at keeping this in check. It is hard because of the life I lived. I’ve been shot at and I’ve been stabbed. With the years in prison and the street life there is little I fear and few I can’t take down. However when those around, who had watched this guy practically run over the old people and mothers with their children, saw this they cheered and clapped. OK, now I feel bad and feel good at the same time, just a little conflicted. I’ll still work on being nice but I will always stick up for those who are being taken advantage of. The guy who roars around and intimidates those weaker and helpless will always get my attention. Smacking them down just feels right and good to me. I suppose I should get therapy or something.

Oh well, I digress. Back to the day. I stopped at LMHA and learned who I need to talk to. Then Wayne tells me his caseworker called and said there was nothing she could do. She told him I need to get a copy of the form they lost. Now how am I supposed to do that. I should of made a copy for my records and indeed have been doing that diligently with all his medical records and Social Security stuff. Of course when I don’t it comes back to bite me. Tomorrow I will go see Colleen, the lady I am told who is responsible for this. Hope I am a bit more gentle then. Fact is I am glad I didn’t see her today with the mood I am in. The brain injury makes control of emotions a problem. That’s not an excuse for my actions but a partial explanation. It is OK when I cry easily at a movie or television show but the anger thing is different story.
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So you can tell it has been an eventful day. I hope you don’t mind my honesty regarding the anger and stuff but that is the way it will be. I won’t just tell all the good things about me and make it appear I am such a great guy. False fronts offend me so you won’t get one from me.

Yesterday was a decent day. I don’t remember all of it, just a few things. Cherie and I went downtown. We first stopped at the antique mall located at the Erie Street Market. There was some interesting things and Cherie bought some lace work which she plans on mounting for display. The woodworking tools were priced high and most were of marginal condition. I did see a copper plate of an Indian that interested me but our budget is real tight after the expense of getting the two computers fixed up before I give them to Denise and Wayne. Right now $28 is more than I wish to spend on myself, especially when it is not a need.

After the antique store we went to Toledo’s “Taste of the Town” event. What we expected was a representation of some of Toledo’s better eating establishments but we were in for a disappointment. It seems that Toledo has gone seriously downhill on it’s downtown events. The “Rally by the River”, which at one time featured nationally known bands, has devolved into a puttering affair with rather small attendances. There is little in the way of promotion here. What we found at the Taste of the Town was a few booths representing no main restaurants and selling things like French fries and sunglasses. A waste of time and money. Cherie and I tried the Thai food at one booth but it was greasy and I thought kind of nasty. Then we had ice cream cones and that was great. “Cherie, how about going to a real restaurant” I suggested and got an immediate “Let’s go” response.

We went to a Mexican restaurant that one of the guys building the customer lounge at Ed Schmidt Chevy was telling me about. It is where the old Timko’s Soup and Such had once been located. It was every bit as good as he had said. In fact, not only did it taste great but there was so much on a plate that I think we will eat for three days on the leftovers. I had two taco’s for lunch I made from the fajita stuff we got from there. I don’t remember clearly but I think we just came home and relaxed for the rest of the night.

Cherie just came home from work so I will go now.

Saturdays happenings

6/3/06 Saturday
Not a bad morning. I woke up with a headache but the brain is running at a 7 on the Bob scale. Cherie is cheerful and not as perturbed by family matters as she was yesterday. I fixed the latch on her antique China cabinet she got from her grandmother on the Clevenz side of the family. I’ll do some adjusting to it when we get to Texas and I have a woodshop again. In the process of fixing it I decided to organize her tool box, which had years of screws, nails, and whatnot, thrown in it haphazardly.

I called Denise to see if she would like to go to the park today. She was accepted in the medical waver program and someone is coming over at 5:30 to do the paperwork. I’m not sure what the medical waver program is though I believe it is part of Medicaid. I should learn more about it to see if it is something Wayne can apply for. Anyway, we will call over there at 6:30 to see if she is done and if so will go pick her up. She has a wheelchair so we will be able to take her back to where we often see the deer. That would bless her to no end as it was the pictures of the deer I showed her that got her excited about going. Hope they are out when we go. That’s why we will go at 7:00 because the deer come out towards the evening.

We’re going to take Wayne to see the X men movie now. I called Allen and invited him but the 2:55 showing is “Too early” for him.
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6/4/06 Sunday
I am pretty tired this morning. Carman kitty came in at 7:00 and told us we had to wake up. There was no arguing with him, after all he does rule this house, or at least thinks so. Well we did what he said so I guess he does, at least this morning. I have much to write concerning yesterday. Probably will do that a little later. It was a great day with many blessings.

Loved the movie. Getting there was not real fun for Cherie as I was running late. That is a subtle way of saying I drove the way I did prior to the coma and Cherie hung an and said “Oh God” allot. I called Wayne as we drove so he would be ready. Pulling up we loaded him in the car and I said “Fasten your seat belt”. I really like having to get someplace fast. It makes my blood flow and clears my brain as I calculate and time my way through traffic and the lights. Brings back memories of the good old days. Wayne didn’t mind it but Cherie was glad when we got to the theatre.

X-Men 2 I thought was better than the first movie. I loved how it touched on social issues like prejudice, racism, how power corrupts, jealously, but ultimately the hard decisions that we sometimes must face. The hard ones that have to do with what is best for another person who’s personal issues are a danger to themselves and others. When your love combats what you know must be done. When life and death is in your hands.

After the movie we took Wayne home. He was very happy to get out of the house and do something other than go to a grocery store. I had to buy him a candy bar because his blood sugar was going bad. When I found out he had not eaten since breakfast I gave him a Bob lecture. That would be a nice way of saying I reamed him a new asshole. It is an old subject that he doesn’t seem to get. As a diabetic diet is vitally important and I have been trying to get him to set up a routine involving eating regular healthy food by the clock.

Cherie and I went home for a short time for we will pick up Denise at 7:00. Pulling in her drive I see her wheelchair sitting in the driveway and an old man, whom I presumed was Denise’s dad, working on an iron. Cherie and I both got out of the car and I introduced myself to the man. He told me his name but I promptly forgot it. He was Denise’s dad. After we said a few words he went and got Denise.

This was the first time Cherie and Denise have met. They seemed to click right away. “I need to use you” Denise said as she held on to Cherie’s arm for the walk to the car. They both laughed about how that sounds. Denise’s dad loaded the wheelchair in the car and we were off to the park. I parked at the handicap space at the end of the parking lot because that way I wouldn’t have to take the wheelchair down the steps.

Denise was excited about this trip. I wasn’t sure how her wheel chair would work on the paths. They are paved for a short distance on the route I planned to take but after that it is gravel and dirt. Fortunately it had rained the day before and that seemed to pack the clay down.

There are always flowers at Swan Creek and every time we go it seems like different plants are blooming. We brought Cherie’s camera as I had to send the digital back to the shop because they didn’t fix it right. We took lots of pictures so when I get them developed I will post them on the blog. That will take a few days so sorry guys.


I had waited till 7:00 to pick up Denise because I know the deer come out later in the day, closer to sundown. There were no deer at first, only mosquitoes. Next time we will take some bug spray. We walked and talked with Denise enjoying every minute.

There were a few rabbits that were stirring and we would stop and point them out when Denise didn’t see them. When we got to the creek Denise told us how she used to enjoy fishing with animation as she demonstrated how she would cast and reel in a catch. “I would pull and crank on it till I finally got em in and he was only this big” Denise said, holding her fingers about two inches apart.

Things were going well and the wheelchair was no problem to push so we took the long route around the field, stopping to savor the sights as we went. Coming to the boardwalk we went to the landing Cherie and I always enjoy stopping at. Denise insisted on getting out of the wheelchair asking if I wouldn’t get upset of mind. I can tell from this that her parents always give her a hard time about these things, always babying her and being over protective. She has told me how this bothers her before. I always encourage this kind of independence. She had a smoke while we enjoyed the view and generally talked.

When we headed back to the trail Denise said to me “I’d like to push you in the wheel chair”. That sounded like it would be good for Denise, making her feel better about things and instilling confidence. Besides that it would be fun for all of us and it was. Denise had no problem doing that as she could hold on to the chair. I would steady things with my hands on the wheels and helped steer some.

We were disappointed at not seeing any deer but when we got back to the trail I heard Cherie exclaim “Look, there’s a deer”. Sure enough, clear across the field, close to where we had just been, we could see an orange splotch of a deer. Actually we had seen a young buck before that but he was laying down in the woods where it was dark and hard to see. We retraced our steps to get close to where the deer had been. Now it wasn’t there. Cherie has incredible sharp eyes and spotted a buck laying down in the bush. All we could see was it’s ears and every now and then it’s nose as it raised it’s head up to sniff the breeze.

Denise stood up to see better and we watched and waited, hoping it would get up. It didn’t so I quietly walked a few feet towards it with the hope this would cause it to stand up but not run away. That didn’t work so I went back to the others. That’s when I heard ole eagle eyed Cherie say “There’s another one”. Sure enough there was and looking we spied another one with it. They were up and feeding so we went around the corner to get closer. Now Denise was thrilled or maybe enthralled would be a better word. We watched patiently. I could tell Denise was getting tired but she had no intention of quitting now.

The first buck now stood up and began grazing. The sun was getting very low so it was time now. I took Denise back around to where we had been looking at the first buck so we could get closer. That worked out pretty damn good. As he grazed he kept getting closer and closer. The other two grazed in our direction also. The first buck got to within about ten feet from us, occasionally looking at us but not at all worried. We could talk and slap mosquito’s with out bothering them at all. Too Cool. Took lots of pictures which y’all will see in a few days when I get the film developed. Man I miss the digital camera.

When all was said and done it was a great time. On the way back home I spied the ice cream stand Cherie and I visit so suggested we stop for ice cream. That was well received so I swung on in. Denise wanted to pay for the ice cream and at first I resisted, insisting it was my treat. Then I realized how good it would make Denise feel so I relented. We sat at a table and I wish I could convey how good this whole time was. Denise gushed with gratitude and her joy was ours. It is so good folks to help others. I encourage all of you to do so or, realizing many of you already do so to do it more. Not only does it bless them but you also. One of the things that helps others who are down is for them to reach out for others in need. It is a form of therapy that is powerful. I would like to get Allen out of his hole to do that.

Anyway I am tired. It is 1:13 Monday morning so I will call it a night.

Lets's Go

6/3/06 Saturday
Not a bad morning. I woke up with a headache but the brain is running at a 7 on the Bob scale. Cherie is cheerful and not as perturbed by family matters as she was yesterday. I fixed the latch on her antique China cabinet she got from her grandmother on the Clevenz side of the family. I’ll do some adjusting to it when we get to Texas and I have a woodshop again. In the process of fixing it I decided to organize her tool box, which had years of screws, nails, and whatnot, thrown in it haphazardly.

I called Denise to see if she would like to go to the park today. She was accepted in the medical waver program and someone is coming over at 5:30 to do the paperwork. I’m not sure what the medical waver program is though I believe it is part of Medicaid. I should learn more about it to see if it is something Wayne can apply for. Anyway, we will call over there at 6:30 to see if she is done and if so will go pick her up. She has a wheelchair so we will be able to take her back to where we often see the deer. That would bless her to no end as it was the pictures of the deer I showed her that got her excited about going. Hope they are out when we go. That’s why we will go at 7:00 because the deer come out towards the evening.

We’re going to take Wayne to see the X men movie now. I called Allen and invited him but the 2:55 showing is “Too early” for him.

Things are off to a good start

6/2/06 Friday
Last night I had a time of typical brain damage confusion. I was looking at the blog and saw that there was a comment. Wow! A comment, I exclaimed and proceeded chase it down. I read it, found who sent it, went to their site, and E mailed them. Twenty minutes later I go back to the blog so I could send the commenter another E mail. The comment seemed to have disappeared. I looked and looked but couldn’t figure it out. This bothered me all night so this morning I went back to see if the comment showed back up. I found it. It is on the last post that shows up before you go into the archives.

This is a good example of the problems that come with short term memory loss. It’s not that the memories are gone but they are fragmented. I knew I had seen the comment but had forgotten I found it while reviewing past blog entries. My mind tries to fill in the blanks. This is a common occurrence for those of us with TBI and short term memory loss. The not so medical term doctors use to describe this is “Confabulation”. In my confusion last night I E mailed the lady who had commented and told her how her comment had disappeared. Now that I think about it I am sure I had read her comment before and knowing me responded but didn’t remember. Hey, I can watch a movie for the first time several times before it stays in this brain. It is a regular occurrence for Cherie and I to see a movie come on TV and I will say “That looks like it will be a good movie”. Then Cherie reminds me “We already watched that movie”. Then we watch it again and it is all new to me.

Just got back from my Friday breakfast with Jeff. We talked about the family problems and when I was telling him about how the yard is trashed he looked at me with a hint of recognition and asked “Where do your parents live?”. “Not far from your office” I answered. “I know what house it is. We talk about it at the office all the time. There’s a big guy always puttering in the yard there”. Small world.

I mentioned that I wanted to get computers for some of the people I help. “I’ve got a bunch of computers in storage. We just replaced them last year. Do you want them?” he said with some excitement. I was surprised and happy. It always amazes me how things work out. We discussed wiping his proprietary company information and I followed him to his storage unit. I only took two of them, one for Wayne and one for Denise. I told Jeff I would get the others as I found homes for them. That done we parted ways, Jeff went to his office and I headed straight to Virtual PC. Going in I explained the computers had been donated and I was giving them to two people with MS. The guy I was talking to, whom I believe is the owner, said his mother has MS. He told me what the normal charge is to wipe the hard drives and reload the software and proceeded to cut that price dramatically. $49.00 apiece seems like a great price. I called Cherie to let her know $100 was coming out of our account because she handles the money and our budget is tight. It will work out fine.

Got to go take Barb and Dee to Pilgrim Church for the Feed Your Neighbor program so bye for now
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10:00 - We’re at the church now. Barb and Dee are the only ones that came this time. We talked about Fred as I drove here. He was upset at her because she told him off for calling her brother and telling him she had a heart attack and just incessantly calling with out let up. She told me that Fred called her this morning and said “Get up. Bob’s coming to take you to church” and hung up. I called Barb as I left Virtual PC to let her know I was coming. She wasn’t feeling too hot so asked if I could come fifteen minutes later. “That’s better for me too Barb. I’ll see you at 10:00” I let her know. As I talked I could hear the home phone that was put in Barb’s place for medical emergencies ringing. “That’s probably Fred so I’ll let you go” I said and hung up.

Fred was waiting for me when I walked in the door. “What? Did you decide not to take Barb to the church? You better get going” he said. “Fred, I just talked to Barb. The church doesn’t even open till 10:00” I explained. “Oh. It’s only a quarter after. I didn’t know” was his response. I went upstairs and posted the first entry for today and as I was writing the phone rang.

I figured it was Fred and amazingly enough it was. Gee, maybe I’m psychic. “Hi Fred” I answered. “I just talked to Barb and she said you should pick her up at 9:30 and she has to be there by 10:00” he lied. That never works with me “Fred I talked to Barb, don’t hand me that. I’ve got this handled” was my somewhat curt reply.

I dropped off the newspaper Fred had asked me to get when I got home. Fred is depressed. I asked him about it and he said it was because of Barb. “I think I should just wash my hands of her” he dejectedly said. “She doesn’t want me to call. She doesn’t listen to a thing I say” Fred started. I talked to him a little about it. “Fred, you worry and I can understand that but when you do you get yourself all bothered and call too much. You can understand that can’t you?”. He kind of agreed but I don’t think he got it. Fred asked me to take him to the store at 1:00 and that is fine. Perhaps I can help him figure things out then. He had told Barb about the Arby’s sandwich thing from yesterday and was saying he hadn’t touched it. I’ll do what I can.
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2:33 - I am getting real tired real fast now. It is only 12:22 and This came on as I wrote the previous post. I’m to take Fred to the dollar store in thirty minutes so don’t dare lay down.

Got Fred to the dollar store. I am not feeling good at all. I followed Fred as I always do but let him look for himself as he apparently wants to show that he can see. He never said what he came for with the exception of paper towels. I watched as he picked up potato chips and finally let him know the bag he was holding were barbeque flavored. “That’s what I want” he said and put the bag in his cart.

With that done Fred asked me to take him to Murray’s Auto Parts so he could look at the visors for his side windows on the Buick. Going in Fred grabbed a shopping cart to hold on to as he walked and headed for the isles. “Fred, you need to go to the counter because the visors must be matched to the year and make of the car”. “No. I just want to see what they look like and how much they are” was his reply. Fine then. I just followed obediently. After a few minutes of wandering around he headed for the counter. The clerk looked up the price and let Fred know the visors would have to be ordered and could be in the next day. “I don’t want to buy anything” he said and we headed out the door.

Now I am home and still very tired, the kind of tired where it is hard to for me to keep my eyes open as I write this. Don’t know what is going on but I think I’ll take a nap. First I will place a call to Virginia. She’s not working today and her cell phone is evidently turned off. I called Patrick to see if he heard anything. He hasn’t. I’m going to get a nap.
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4:23 – Alright, this is definitely a partial seizure. That explains the tiredness. I am operating at about a 4 on the Bob scale now. The ears are ringing and a headache is steadily growing. I called Allen to make sure he got his paperwork in. He did but was glad I called because he needed to call his caseworker. It is hard to write but that’s OK. Keep doing things like capitalizing words in the middle of sentences. Spell check is great to have at times like this.

I got an E mail from LA Publishing. They are a fantastic source of brain injury information and resources. I finally put a link to them on the blog. They published my story a few years ago. (can’t really remember when) It is still there. In fact they placed it way up close to the top.

If y’all read the comments you can see one from Nate. It is good to hear he is cleaning things up. I don’t know if I had any influence in that and really don’t care. That’s not important at all. I am happy to see anyone improve regardless of why. He can be a great kid when he wants and just like all of us has his issues. I like having positive things to write about, especially with family. Big Kudo’s to him. Still waiting for the pictures to show up on his blog

Still struggling to write this down. Need to take aspirin and Tramadol for the migraine. It’s a shame the new medicine from the VA didn’t work.

Cherie just came home from work. It is when I talk with her I can hear just how bad I am doing. Think it’s time to quit forcing myself to do this and relax with the woman I love.

a cooler day

6/1/06 Thursday
It will be cooler today but was so muggy this morning I turned the air on. I will try not to run it too much to save on electricity. I asked Cherie about something from yesterday regarding her family and as she answered she started to cry. It is hard on her to watch things happening and be powerless to fix or change what is very wrong. Unfortunately that is the price of caring. When you care, you hurt. It is much easier to walk away and distance yourself, to blind your eyes to what is right in front of you, to harden your heart. The Bible says that easy is the way and wide is the path that leads to destruction but the path to life is much harder and the one few choose. I like this Bible stuff because it holds true to real life.

I have showered, shaved, fixed a bowl of oatmeal, and cleaned up the kitchen. Running at an 7 on the Bob scale which is not bad. I will be leaving to take Barb to Family Services for her regular hearing regarding her benefits. After that I will drop Wayne’s medical records off to him. At 1:00 or so I take Fred’s car in for the two new tires they are getting him to replace the two bad ones. I am working on a letter to Connie in response to the E mail she sent me. I’ll take my time and will let Cherie review it first as I am prone to do. Suppose I can take this laptop and work on that while waiting for Barb’s hearing.
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I am at Family Services now. I decided to stay out in the car while Barb went in. Really didn’t feel like sitting in there with the crowds of other misfortunate’s, especially with this laptop. There are many who would love to get a hold of this and some who would not hesitate to wait and rob me. That’s not paranoia, just an understanding of this world. A wise man doesn’t put a target on his back.

Barb was pissed at Fred when I drove up. He has been going off on the phone, calling her, then Dixie, and then her brother, telling him Barb had a heart attack. This is not good to hear. Fred has been known to get himself all worried up and has called the police before, telling them something happened to Barb. It seemed to be under control but you know how that goes. Stability at ninety years of age is not a sure thing.

I talked to Dixie. Don’t remember if I told you she was out of the hospital but she is. The fact that she was outside and talking is a good sign. I presume she is taking her medication. Dee, the black girl next door to Barb, took Dixie shopping and talked her out of a lot of her food. This is not at all unusual for Dee. It is the way of things at this level of life, get what you can when you can. She takes advantage of Barb at every chance, borrowing money knowing she will forget.

Dee is the one on the end

As I talked to Barb it was good to hear she was toughening up on that kind of thing. Dee had demanded $15 to help Barb clean her apartment for inspection and then wanted Barb to buy her a pop. When Barb said no Dee tried the “Aren’t you my friend?” guilt trip crap. That didn’t work. I applauded Barb for that and encouraged her to keep it up. She told me that Caroline and Richey (Two others who had lived in the complex) were invited over for a cook out. Barb told Caroline she had to bring something to contribute and not to bring along anyone else. She showed up with three other people and no food so Barb sent them off saying there would be no cook out. Barb had been feeding the neighborhood for a while and they had gotten used to it. She has a good heart but good hearts need to be guarded.

Barb called me while I sat out in the parking lot. “Their giving away $200 worth of free gas. Do you know anyone who could use that?” she said. I asked a couple of questions to figure out what this was about. As she tried to explain what she didn’t have a full comprehension of I asked “Do they have any literature on it, some kind of flier?”. They did so Barb ran one out to the car. Now that I see what the program is I think Cherie’s sister Cathy might qualify for it. I suppose I will have Cherie run the application over because it might be accepted from her.

Barb called Dixie as I drove her home and talked her into letting me take her to a store. She had to work to convince Dixie but the clincher came when I yelled “Get your shoes on Dixie. We’ll be there in two minutes”. Instead of going to a store I took Dixie and Barb to the Huntington Community Center because Thursday is the day they give out food and soap. Dixie was talking a mile a minute, showing me a cut on her hand and how her feet were swollen up. It was good to see her not being paranoid and talking. They got a shopping cart of food and I took them home. On the way they saw all kinds of furniture out on the curbs. I think it is one of the special pick up days where the garbage men will collect things like furniture. Barb and Dixie both called someone they knew who had a pickup truck to see if they would pick up some couches that looked brand new. I’m kinda glad I didn’t have a truck. Barb doesn’t have room for anything and I really didn’t want to get into hauling stuff.

I went to Wayne’s and dropped off his medical records. He was glad to see me and I was able to visit for a short time. I did excuse myself so I could get to Ed Schmidt for the tires, where I am currently writing this. When Eric saw me driving in the look on his face was great, kind of a “Now what” look. He was relieved to hear I was getting two tires and quickly got things moving as soon as he found it had already been approved. I went into the new customer lounge that was being built while I was there yesterday. There I worked on the letter to Connie. Had a hard time figuring out what to say and started over a few times. The General manager, who’s name escapes me at the moment, came back to say hi. “I hear your getting two new tires” he told me.
I am impressed with his hands on involvement and the fact he even knew the car was in the shop. I complimented him on this and the new customer lounge. Everything went well and I took Fred’s car to the car wash where I also waxed it.

Just checked the blog and was glad to see Nate had left a comment. That is communication and positive or negative it is good. He wasn’t negative at all so who knows, maybe we will get things figured out. Stay tuned, don’t touch that dial, there will be more on the same bat time and the same bat channel. (For you young guys this was a regular line at the end of the “Batman” TV show I watched in the sixty’s)