A busy day

6/13/07 Wednesday
It’s humid outside as all the moisture from the last few days makes it’s way back into the atmosphere. I went out and Dippel dusted the corn and beans, pulling a few weeds in the process. Found some different recipe’s for insecticide soap that I want to try. There was a mention about how only certain soaps really work well. Nuts. I would rather make my own to save money and on principle so I’ll have to learn what is correct.

Cherie is rushing to get ready for us to take the puppies to the vet. She is ecstatic about how much easier and quicker it is to get her hair ready. “Look at my hair. Isn’t it cute. It’s already done” she said with a huge smile as I walked past the bathroom. Works for me.

It will be a busy day and I hope I stay fairly sharp. I didn’t sleep at all last night and finally took one of the over the counter sleep aids at 3:00 this morning. Didn’t phase me so I stayed awake and eventually heard Cherie’s phone alarm as did the puppies also. Then it was “Whine, Whine” scratch at the door of the puppy room to greet us. Got to go to the vet now.
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Jimmy Patterson just left. Oh how talking with someone stimulates my mind and how I love it when that happens. He was here about an hour and a half and regretted having to make another appointment but we covered a lot of ground. He will be having a photographer come out to take some pictures later. What did we talk about? Our lives are so rich with stories there was no way to cover it all but mostly he focused on the love story and how brain injury was an integral part of it.

When Jimmy left my mind was racing with things to write and do but now it is drained a little so I might need to rest a bit. He asked if I could E mail him with any other information I could think of and there will be. I want to send him stuff about brain injury in order to help raise awareness of TBI. Think I’ll nap a little and gather thoughts later. That’s right, I didn’t get any sleep last night so that’s why I am so tired.
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It is 3:34 and I am waking from a fitful sleep. I am a little slow, running a 5 on the bob scale. Also a little short as I ask Cherie what she has planned and also what I need to be doing. When I am slow I just want simple answers to simple questions and Cherie, in trying to cover all the bases starts reading into what I ask. Example: When I asked “Did I eat?” she says yes and asks if I am hungry. She caught that as she knows I don’t feel the sensation of hunger then starts detailing how she would heat up something for me. I just simply don’t remember if I ate and want to make sure I did.

There is so much I am processing regarding the interview and impending newspaper article on us. The comprehension I have regarding the power such an article can have spurs me to think on what information to send to Jimmy. I see this as an opportunity to increase awareness and perhaps understanding of traumatic brain injuries. But there is also the inspirational story of the love Cherie and I have and how our marriage was restored. So here I am trying to write the story for Jimmy, go figure. Jimmy asked if I had a job or was able to work. That is a hard question to answer in some ways but I think I did well. But it got me thinking. One of the things I can do is write so perhaps I should pursue something in that arena.

Went to the Wednesday night dinner thing at the first church of Stanton. Been thinking about going for a while but wasn’t sure how I would be received. Still I didn’t want to just disappear or something and just lose all contact cause there are some good folks there. Peggy invited me to sit at their table. There was hardly anyone there, I suppose cause it’s summer or something. Talked with pastor Dave afterwards and brought up how I didn’t understand why we didn’t seem to feel accepted or something like that. He said he didn’t know what to tell me. We talked about squash, the garden, and he knows about the puppies so I suppose that means he reads the blog. It is nice to think he cares enough to do so. I let him know that he could stop and visit anytime he wanted. Dave also knows we are going to the first church of Midland. I told him we have been befriended by some folks who met us on the blog and invited us there.

The rest of yesterday

It's 12:30 in the morning and I am just getting around to finishing this up so here is the rest of tuesday's entry

Jimmy Patterson just called. He will be coming over at 10:30 tomorrow. I just called Cherie, who is on her way to Midland, to let her know. That way I won’t forget. Had to reboot this computer cause it was tying up. I was trying to log onto the Mt. Sinai website for the traumatic brain injury study I have been asked to participate in. I can feel a slowdown coming as I sometimes can. Hope it’s an easy one.
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It was a real short slow down as they can sometimes be. Only lasted a few minutes. After that I loaded the old air conditioner we had removed in order to install the new evaporative unit Steve and Janie bought for us, in the truck. I also put the three water bottles that needed to be refilled in. Then it was off to Habitat for Humanity’s Restore where I donated the air conditioner. I checked to see if they had any refrigerators or a breaker box but they didn’t. Knowing Cherie was in town getting her hair cut I gave her a call to see if she was done and wanted to go to Rosa’s for their taco Tuesday special we like. She was just walking out the door and was enthused about her haircut and going to Rosa’s.

She was waiting in her car when I pulled in. The first thing I noticed wasn’t her new haircut but the big smile on her face and the bounce in her step as she came towards me. Oh the haircut looks great but the effect it has on Cherie was even better. What a glow she has. Then came the surprise part. I am having Cherie write about this so will wait to see what she puts down before saying more.

Just as I thought she wrote it well and her words say more than mine could so heeerre’s Cherie.

Cherie's Hairy day
I totally did the hair thing today. I’d been thinking about it for a while and it got to the point where I couldn’t stand it anymore – it just wouldn’t do anything except sit there on my head and be a mess. I asked one of my sisterfriends for some advice – and Ms. Janie suggested a couple of her favorite people for hair and trusting her judgment I called and made an appointment. Celeste at Traci’s in Midland was delightful, efficient and she thought I had a pretty thick accent!

That always catches me off guard and I find it funny, because I don’t think I have one. I keep trying to adapt to the vocal nuances of my new homeland, but fail miserably. I’m from the Midwest/Great Lakes area and will probably always sound like it. Besides when I try to talk “southern”, I seem to get the first half of a sentence sounding right, but then there’s some kind of glitch and that northern tone kicks in and I’m done. Actually, I have been referred to as a “Yankee”, which for some odd reason is hilarious. I don’t know what that means, or if it’s meant to be mean or if it’s a cultural thing so I just laugh. Oh well. I think I would prefer “Buckeye Rose”. Maybe not.

OK - back to my hair story – Celeste started cutting and we discussed what I wanted, which was basically “wash n’ wear” hair. She cut it a bit, messed with it, thinned it, and cut some more. I have a lot of hair and it was everywhere. We discussed style and color and I told her of my exploits in the land of “do-it-yourself” hair color. When I asked how much it would cost, she replied “Well, we’ll would sit down and discuss it”. WHAT?!? I didn’t say anything – what was there to discuss – I could either afford it or not.

Now I was wondering how much the cut would be and was getting concerned. I budgeted about $70 for the cut, hoping it wouldn’t be over $85.00 (which I’ve paid before). She finally gave in and told me if I decided to go with color, and seeing all the gray roots it was a no-brainer, that Ms. Janie would cover the cost – all I had to do was pay for the cut, which I still wasn’t sure about. Truthfully, Celeste did have a pricelist on her table, but I had my contacts in (vanity defense here), and couldn’t see it enough to read it! Figures. While I was under the hairdryer, Celeste gave me a choice of magazines and I choose an art one, knowing I could just look at the pictures. As usual, I was amazed at the generosity I had been receiving, and wondering what I could do to return such a favor and Celeste said it’s because of Jesus and I can’t. She may be right. When we were just about done, Celeste had to finish quickly as she had to go pick up one of her kids, and she was apologetic as she didn’t have time to style my new ‘do. That was fine with me as I prefer to do it myself anyway. Then she leaned down and said “You don’t have to worry about paying - Janie took care of you for today. And then I’m sitting there in that chair - fighting back the tears – AGAIN! So I got up thanked her, and left. Bob had called and as I left we made plans to meet up at Rosa ’s for “Taco Tuesday”. YUMMMMM.

There is a big round clock on the wall in Traci’s Salon with a scripture plaque above it. It’s from Psalm 138:8 – “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love Oh Lord, endures forever, do not abandon the works of your hands.” Now, when I looked this up in my bible, this was underlined with a date next to it – 9/12/97. I was living in Phoenix, Arizona then.........hummmmm

That’s all folks. Tomorrow will be a busy day so I’ll probably not get to post much till later but you never know with me.

Grey morning

6/12/07 Tuesday
It is a grey morning with a steady flow of light rain coming down. That will be good for the seeds I planted yesterday but won’t help the farmers who need to get in their fields. When I was taking Cherie to meet farmers for the survey there were acres of land still underwater.

Yesterday we gave the pups their first baths. You would have thought we were murdering them from the wails they made. We mostly wanted to reduce the flea population as they are not old enough for the flea powders that we were able to find. This morning they were out in the rain to do their morning duties. Rascal was right out in it without hesitation but Trixie pussyfooter her way into the drizzle. Once there she was fine. They’ve been rolling in the mud so we will have to towel that off when they come in.

The fridge has been getting worse as far as it freezing things in the keep cool part goes. When Cherie went to make eggs for breakfast they were all frozen. I finally took the thermostat control off to look at it. There is something rattling loose inside so odds are it’s toast. I went online earlier and saw them running about $90.00. Whoa, that’s steep. I’ll do some more looking around now that I have the part out and have the part number. Perhaps I can find something used or some other kind of solution. Habitat for Humanities Restore has lots of appliance stuff though I doubt fridge thermostats will be there. We could probably buy a used fridge for the price of a thermostat.

Cherie will go to Midland today. She will be getting her hair cut at 1:00 or so but will do some shopping and perhaps laundry first. This will be a good day for me to do some patch work in the living room. I also have been thinking about breaking my wood carving tools out and getting back into that love that has laid dormant for nearly a year now. The ten commandments plaques I was making for someone at the Cedar Creek church remain unfinished. I lost my inspiration when we were rejected so soundly by this church where we were married and had been excited to be involved with. I suppose this is a factor in our sensitivity concerning the first church of Stanton. Where is this “love of Jesus” they all talk about but seem to practice selectively. You know, love the ones you want to but shun the rest. How can they be so blind and why does the shepherd not guide the sheep in the right though more difficult way?

So it’s time to get moving. I do need to work on the other blog where I can talk, teach, and even preach on these things.
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Seems like there is no getting around it. The cheapest price I find for the thermostat is $83.00. Will run up to Restore today to check out what they have.
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I wonder

6/11/07 Monday
It’s 11:30. I just came in to take a break from the heat and add to this journal. In my mind I had already posted an entry for today and even thought I knew what I wrote. Opening the laptop I see it is not turned on and then remember turning it off last night. So it is another moment of confusion like so many others.

We got up at 4:30 this morning and were out the door by 6:00. Cherie was able to catch the one farmer she had agreed to meet with by phone. We got close to where he would be and Cherie called him on the cell phone. He asked where we were and came out to meet us. Cherie went through the interview on the highway. I had pulled off the road for Cherie to call but the farmer just pulled up and parked his truck in the middle of the highway, getting out to go through this stuff on the hood of our truck. That’s West Texas country. Yesterday we were going down a two lane highway when we saw the SUV that had passed us earlier stopped and having a conversation with another truck that had been traveling the other direction. They were both in their respective lanes, just pulled up close with their windows rolled down and discussing the weather or whatever, not at all concerned they were blocking both lanes of traffic. Course there was no traffic and when they saw us coming up they started moving. It’s a relaxed world out here.

So Cherie was able to see another farmer but the third was not to be found. All in all it was a good day. I went out to check on the well, battening everything down. Was just making tomato cages before I came in. The last time I think I made them too small and this time they may be to large. Perhaps next time they will be just right. Kind of like the fable of the three bears.

I’ve got a splitting headache so took two aspirin. The Hydrocodone doesn’t touch headaches, just muscle and joint pain, so aspirin is the best medicine. The first church of Stanton has been plaguing my thoughts for days now as I wonder what happened there, wonder what they think or say about me, wonder why, wonder where their Jesus is in all this, wonder about what happened with their plans to come out and help with things, wonder why nothing happened, wonder why no one has visited or talked, just wonder.

I am tired and should take a nap.
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Never took the nap. Joe called and said he would be here by two and he was. I went out and worked on garden stuff. Mostly made more tomato cages and put them around the plants that have survived. Then I wrapped plastic around them to provide some wind protection. I am in the middle of a slow down so came in. will post this and probably zone out.

Nice storm, Nice storm, Be good

6/10/07 Sunday
I’m pretty thick headed this morning. No, that doesn’t mean stubborn, in my case it is a physical description of how the head feels though I have been known to be stubborn. I am running a five on the bob scale but that should improve as I get moving. Took the puppies out for their morning duties just in time. No sooner were they done when it started raining in earnest.

Cherie has lots of work that must be finished for her boss to pick up tomorrow so won’t make to church this morning. I’m going to try my best to get there but won’t unless I am sharper. I don’t do as well when Cherie is not with me because her presence supplies a security that reduces the stress which is a big factor in the slow downs.

It’s storming pretty good now with lightening striking pretty close. This keys open the memory that I had uncovered the well to examine it when the power went out but forgot to go cover it back up as I had intended. Now I suspect the plastic 55 gallon drum cut to fit over it will be gone, blown across the fields to end up who knows where.

I’ve cleared up so must rush to get ready for church.
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Well I never did go check the well. This is unfortunately not unusual with me. Despite writing about it and having every intention to do so on top of it being a very important thing to do in order to protect the $3,000 dollars worth of well, I forgot. That’s one of the reasons they have me on disability. I had Cherie write a big note and tape it on her computer screen to remind me to get this done. It is next to the other notes to remind me of what I need to do like clean the cat litter.

Church was great. It’s too bad Cherie had to work and couldn’t make it cause they had a special presentation with an artist that she would have loved. Sunday school was good also. I was amazed when one of the ladies remembered that my birthday was June 8. There were many who asked about Cherie and made it clear how happy they were I had come back. Eric’s wife said hello and had to tell me her name again. It is unfortunate that I don’t recognize faces well but that’s just part of the TBI. Even Eric’s face didn’t click in my mind with any speed despite my seeing him several times but it’s getting better. If I saw him walking in a store I wouldn’t really notice but I was looking for him in the Sunday school class.

I ran Cherie to see a farmer whom we had missed the other day. Cherie had talked to his wife who happened to know Janie. The farmer called around five or six to let her know it was a good time to come up so we hopped in the truck and scooted on up there. Tomorrow we will be getting up at 4:30 so we can make a forty five minute drive to meet three more farmers. That will be the last of them and Joe will come by to pick up the paperwork later in the day. This will be the end of the survey.

Bugs are getting pretty bad now. With all the bad windows and damaged screens there is little to keep them out. Plus with all the rain the population is way up there. We are keeping lights on only when absolutely needed as they attract the flying pests at night. I don’t know what these small little wasps are but one stung Cherie yesterday. She felt something on her neck and went to swat it.

I went online and learned how to make a soap insecticide. Nothing too it. A tablespoon of dish soap in a cup of cooking oil. You put three tablespoons of that into a quart of water. There was a pump up sprayer I found tucked in a corner of the garage that still works so used it to spray this mix on the corn. Good thing it was out of sight or it would have gotten stolen along with everything else “Friends and relatives” helped themselves to. Virginia kept telling me “There was nothing of value” in the house as if it was ok to take what wasn’t worth much. Bullshit. I don’t care if they stole garbage. It didn’t belong to them and when you take something that doesn’t belong to you, you are a thief no matter how you dress it up.

There is a deep anger there that I don’t need to awaken so I think I’ll just say “Night all”

Off and running

6/9/07 Saturday
We are off and running but not running as we thought. Cherie’s boss, Joe, came by and worked with her yesterday. They spent allot of time going through how to do paperwork and other details of the job. Cherie’s problem is that her personality makes it hard for her to do anything that she thinks inconveniences them. This comes from a lifetime of being scolded and made to feel guilty for every little thing. I talked to Joe for a bit and he let Cherie know that it would be OK for me to travel with her. I have been offering to do this for sometime figuring my presence will strengthen her confidence. I also talked to Joe about the possibility of me working for NASDA. I think I can handle the cotton surveys they do every year. It only takes a week at the end of every month and I can work it around the slowdowns. Besides I will be working by myself. Being around others has been the problem in the past but I think I have improved in that area though it is hard to tell in some circles. I get along great with Janie, Eric, and the gang but seem to have not done well at the first church of Stanton. That whole situation still puzzles me.

So I drove Cherie to a couple of places yesterday evening and that went well. I would sit in the truck while Cherie went to the door. She only got to see one of them. Seems the woman knows Janie. “She’s a firecracker” was her description of the Janie she knew years ago.

I am working on teaching Cherie some of the discipline needed to work this job, which is basically like being self employed. All her other jobs had a time clock and schedule. It is hard to transition to a job where you don’t have that and must be a “Self starter”. I had to learn all the tools necessary to do this starting with being an industrial sales rep and then having a series of sales jobs. Then, with Westbrook Marketing, I taught sales people and organizations these things. It is hard with Cherie as there are so many things around she can find to do thus not getting to the tasks needed for this job.

So we were going to get out the door at 7:00 for an appointment she had but she wasn’t ready on time and when she called it was too late. All the farmers are under the gun as Monday is D-day so to speak. Everything needs to be planted by then in order to meet government requirements for insurances so all of them are pushing hard from dawn to after dusk. Makes it hard to find time to talk with them.

She rescheduled with the guy so there are no other folks to go see today. I had Cherie write a schedule of what needs to be done and told her to pretend she is punching a clock at the job. Bending over I said “Bump the top of my head. That’s you punching the time clock. YOU’RE WORKING NOW”. I told her to schedule her breaks and to not allow herself to do other things while “on the clock”. She is even going to schedule doing things like paying bills and going shopping as well.

I got an E mail from Jimmy Patterson yesterday. I haven’t replied to it yet as I wanted to process things a bit. First I need to do a search of my E mail and the journal to refresh my memory about him. He has a blog or three and I am pretty sure I E mailed him from Toledo regarding us moving here. I’ll go check my memory now on it.

Yep, I E mailed him March 4 2006. Here is a copy of that post;

Jimmy Patterson, the guy in Texas I E-mailed this morning already responded. I think he will be a great asset for us as he already told me where God vacations and God lives down there. That kind of insider information you just can’t get anywhere. (Now I hope that wasn’t offensive to anyone. It was just a tongue in cheek expression he used regarding some great places to visit)

This journal makes for a great memory. So Jimmy was wondering if I would like to be interviewed for his blog. I need to look up which one that is. He told me in his E mail but of course I don’t remember as usual. That’s why I like things that are in writing. I’m gonna say yes. That doesn’t necessarily mean he will as things can come up that take precedence but the likelihood is high I feel. It wasn’t long ago that I said we have reached another pivotal moment in our lives and since then doors are opening and things are happening at a pace that seems rapid to me. A few years ago in this journal I remarked that I felt like a spectator watching as things unfold as if following a script written by that unseen hand that seems to be orchestrating things. I no longer feel like a spectator but a participant. As I said then I watch with fascination for what will happen next. Watch with me y’all. I bet it’s gonna be something else.

Time to get moving. We are heading in to Midland to get some needed items as scheduled by Cherie. Love the schedule thing.

Midland turned out to be a great time of fellowship but I’ll tell of that in a bit, first to one of the joys of country living. Actually it’s nothing different than what happens in the city except it happened out here so I can blame it on being out in the country. Gotta blame something.

So I get up from one of the sleeps I must have after a slow down and decide to go out and water the crops. The corn has been displaying some problems with top leaves drying up and dying so I get into it, pulling the leaves back and looking at their roots. Find several kinds of bugs and a few hoards of aphids. This organic farming makes bug control much harder, especially when I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’ve read all kinds of things to do but don’t remember them and many require buying stuff we can’t afford. I need to go back to research it and this time take notes on this laptop so I can pull them up when needed. One thing I’ve read involves spraying a soap mixture of some type. I did start using mineral oil yesterday but am unsure how much to put on.

So I have the hose out watering the beds recently seeded. It is critical to keep them damp as the seeds germinate. As I do so the water pressure slowly dwindles down to nothing. “Nuts” I think and trace the hose down to see if there is a kink somewhere. No kink so I go into the house and turn on the kitchen faucet. No water. “Nuts” graduates to “Damn”. Thoughts race through my head as I wonder if the well was shot out again or what and grabbing the keys I jump in the truck and race the half mile back to the well. There are no bullet holes, no pressure on the gauge, and pressing the reset button gets no response. Now I am pissed.

I get my cell phone out and call Leroy’s number that is listed on the well. It is hard to hear him through the static so after repeating myself he understands the well isn’t working and I am not happy. Leroy is in San Angelo at some kind of shindig he goes to once a year with several hundred people so says he won’t be able to look at it till maybe Sunday night. He invites me to attend this affair next year, which doesn’t mean a whole lot at the moment, and we end the conversation.

I go back into the house and discover that there is no power. Going outside I see that not a single one of the many oil wells we can see from the house is pumping so this is an area wide problem. I call Leroy back right away to let him know that this was the problem and not to worry about it. I’m going to be talking to him anyway about his charging me more for the smaller tank he put in but that will wait.

Well the power just came on as I was writing this so it was much to do about not much but I seem to be good at that.
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Back to Midland. We were in Lowe’s getting the fitting for the plastic line to the evaporative air unit when my phone rang. It was Janie. “Whatchyadoin” I heard and struggled to figure out who it was but it didn’t take long as I rarely get any calls except from her lately with their recent involvement with us. I told her we were in Lowe’s and she said she had just read we were coming on the blog so asked if we would like to meet someplace. I joked and said we could use a steak dinner and Cherie punched me in the ribs. Sometimes my jokes don’t fit right and come off wrong. I suppose this was one of those times. Cherie said I sounded like a mooch.

Anyway we are happy to meet Janie anywhere and time so let her know that. Janie says “Do you want to meet at Jorge’s (Not sure I spelled it right) or Buffalo Wings”. I’ve never been to either and don’t like making decisions so I put it in her lap “You decide”. We went around that circle a couple of times till she finally said “Jorge’s” and gave us directions on how to get there.

We find the place with no problem and get a table. Just as we were about to order Steve called Janie and decided to meet us here. Cool, that works. It didn’t take long for Steve to get there so we ordered lunch. Steve asked how I was doing on the bob scale and I let him know I was sharp and had been all day. I recounted some stories connected to my checkered past. One of them had to do with a small town in Alabama where they would set up chairs in the bank after hours to hold court. The judge sat behind the bank tellers counter.

As we talked I started having a hard time following what Steve was saying and everyone’s words kind of became a blur. I got quiet and Cherie, astute as always, asked if I was alright. I let her know I was having a slowdown. It progressed to the point I told Cherie she would have to drive. We let Steve and Janie know what was going on and they were familiar with it from reading this blog. With it came one of the bad headaches that can be debilitating. Steve had to go take care of some business so excused himself. Patting me on the shoulder he told me to take care and left.

Janie was concerned as you would imagine and offered to let me sleep on her couch or anything else she could think of to help. She asked if all the noise and commotion of the restaurant was causing the slow down. I told her that I didn’t know and these come without any reason you can pinpoint. I was about done for so we decided to call it a day. Janie had a dog cage she wanted to give us so we dropped by their house. There is some neat furniture they have picked up. She introduced Zack, their bird dog, to us. I’ve never been around a bird dog before and was amazed at Zack’s energy and speed. This guy practically climbs trees, running up the side of a trunk to about ten feet high and pushing off in almost a summersault to land on his feet.

By the way, I cleared up as Cherie followed Janie to her house. The headache was still growing in intensity and I was exhausted as I always am after a partial seizure. So Janie is one of the few who has seen the whole cycle of my being sharp to slowing down where my speech is affected, and then clearing up some. I suppose that is a dubious distinction and don’t know why I brought it up. I am tired despite sleeping a couple of hours when we got home but that’s not unusual. Night all.

Cognition

cog•ni•tion (k g-n sh n)
n. The mental faculty of knowing, which includes perceiving, recognizing, conceiving, judging, reasoning, and imagining
The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary

This is one of those words that can be hard to grasp. Cognitive difficulties is at the head of the list for issues with traumatic brain injuries so what really does that mean in day to day life? I can’t answer that for anyone but me for the word covers as wide an area as the word “everything”. When Eric and I were talking the other day we touched on this when I think I made the statement that if I was a drooling vegetable people would recognize I had a brain injury. Eric said “you seem normal to me” I think to support what I was saying. Fact is I do seem normal and that throws some people off.

What brought this up was a problem I just had while watering the corn. It is great to have the hose now be able to reach beyond the corn patch as a result of the extra hose Jib and Jab brought to put in the air conditioner. So as I water I pull weeds, being careful with where the water is spraying as I kneel to do so. I was careful to thread the hose down the path because I have accidentally mowed over plants with it in the past. Not once but several times. Then as I water I see more weeds and, forgetting, I pulled the hose across six or eight young corn plants as I head for the new weeds. OH Was I Pissed at myself. I cussed myself out in no uncertain terms for repeating this mistake I have made before. This mistake I was conscious of making and determined not to do again. So I carefully threaded the hose again so as to reach this spot and get the weeds in addition to watering a different area. And I did it again. This is the part of cognition where you are aware of what is going on around you. I repeatedly step on young plants because, as I focus on something, I am unaware of where my foot is going. With the hose all it takes is for my mind to see some weeds for it to forget about the hose in my hand.

One of the things Eric and I talked about is how everyone does stuff like this. We all have gone into a room and forgot what we came in for. The difference is I go through it steadily all day long and despite being aware of needing to be careful still repeat the same mistake. So this is an illustration of one aspect of cognitive difficulties.

My computer just hiccupped. I had to restore it to June 4 in order to get it to go online as somehow half of the programming to use my PC card disappeared. It should work now. I lost much of what I wrote previously on cognitive difficulties. Don’t feel up to trying to do it all again.

Start with a sting

6/8/07 Friday
No sense starting my birthday out without a little bang. Our routine in the morning is to get the puppies outside the minute we open the door to the front porch, what we now call the “puppy room”. There I run with them and congratulate every expellation of bodily waste with the enthusiasm of a sports fan when his team makes a miraculous touchdown. “Oh yeah!!! GOOD JOB!!!”. I run and they scamper after me, turning summersaults each time they misstep. My aim is to get them exercise but the reality is I get short of breath and they wonder why I stopped. But it is such fun.

I sat down on the steps as they continued, with enthusiasm, to investigate and get into everything on the veranda. Trixie goes for the food bowl and I can hear her scooting it over the bricks as I watch Rascal play. Then I hear a loud Yelp Yelp from Trixie and turn to see what happened. It was loud enough and of such a different tone that Cherie, the consummate mom, came running out saying “What’s wrong”. Trixie hobbles to me with her front paw raised. I figured she got into another sticker so pick her up and look. When I didn’t see anything but she continued her cry’s I looked at the food bowl and saw a scorpion with it’s tail curled to sting. “That’s what happened” it dawned on me.

Now it’s panic time for mom. “What do we do?” she anxiously asks and I really don’t have an answer. For us adults we just take the stinging pain till it goes away but for puppies it’s an area I am clueless about. “Go online and see” I told her as we brought the whimpering puppy in. I comforted Trixie as Cherie brought her laptop in and typed “scorpion sting puppy” into Google. The site she first looked at was not encouraging as it described the potential death of a puppy from a scorpions venom. Trixie was settling down, crawling under a pillow to feign sleep and Cherie was unsettling. I too was worried after reading this online account. We called the vet and left a message on her machine as it was just barely 7:00. Dr. Law called back in about three minutes and reassured Cherie that things should be just fine unless there was a rare strong allergic reaction. “Just relax” she said “This is just the start. They’re going to be getting lots of stings as they grow up”. We are both much more at ease now.

Carman kitty came up on the bed while the puppies were zoned. This is the first time he has approached them and sniffing the air with trepidation he inched closer. Cherie, fearing he would attack, put her arm around him and told him reassuringly “That’s alright. They’re puppies. They won’t hurt you”. It didn’t take long for Carmen to decide he had gotten close enough to these invaders of his domain so he took off to places he didn’t have to see or hear these guys.

So that’s the start of the day. There is a cold front in so I want to go out and continue putting mulch around the plants in the garden. Unfortunately I am suddenly getting the can’t keep my eyes open tired that is sometimes the onset of a partial seizure or the mental fatigue issue that plagues me. I pushed hard last night, mulching till after dark when I could no longer see what I was doing. Kinda afraid to go look at what I did now that it’s daylight. The beans I planted are springing up aggressively. Caterpillars are quickly discovering these delicious morsels so it’s time to spread more of the sulfur around the borders to reduce this incursion.

Time to get moving, thus fighting the tiredness that is trying to seduce me back to bed.

Got up early

6/7/07 Thursday
It’s 2:00 already. Got up early and fixed breakfast for Cherie. When we were in Toledo I was pretty much the house husband and did the cooking and cleaning. I kinda miss doing that. Anyway, Cherie is working this job so I thought I would fix a nice breakfast to help her get moving. I did the grocery shopping yesterday when I was in Midland and picked up the DVD’s from Eric. I picked up some of the biscuits in a can you can bake and fixins for making omelets.

It was good as I am a fair cook. Fact is I taught Cherie much of what she knows when it comes to cooking. I always cook too much as I was used to cooking for the other wife and her two growing kids. So Cherie was stuffed.

I’ve been out working on the garden all day. Planted the flowers Cherie wanted in the front beds and started whittling down the ends of garden hoses. In order to put in the drip feed irrigation I picked up a variety of old garden hose at the landfill. Most of them are too big to fit in the connectors but one size seemed to be just right but a little loose. I put silicone caulk on them with the hope that would seal everything up. Nope. Despite carefully keeping the water turned low one of the hoses blew out of the connector yesterday. Thus I watered the path between rows for a couple of hours till I went back there to turn the system off. So what I am doing is taking my razor knife and carefully removing about a sixteenth of an inch of material off the end of the bigger hoses in order to create a tight fit.

We couldn’t go online this morning. No matter what we tried the PC aircard would show a message saying the password was invalid. I tried calling Alltel’s customer service for an hour or two without getting through so I finally called the office we bought the aircard at. Still got the “If you’re calling for ------ press 3” and ended up back on the “All our representatives are busy now. Please wait and your call will be answered whenever someone feels like it” hold. This was an improvement on the other calls I made for with them it was just silence. This time I got to listen to something called music. I think that’s what it’s called but I am sure there are other names for it. I put the phone on speaker and went back to doing something constructive.

Someone came on the line fortunately just before I was going to hit the bathroom. Otherwise I would be angrily throwing toilette paper rolls out the bathroom door at the phone. It seems that Alltel’s internet system had gone down on a national level so it’s no wonder getting a hold of customer service was so hard. It was comforting to know that in a way cause my mind was conjuring up ideas that someone had hacked in our account and changed the passwords or equally ridiculous scenarios. It was cleared up about an hour later so we’re good to go now.

I came in when Cherie came out to tell me she had fixed lunch. It is great to come into a house that is nice and cool. It is great to have friends who are people of compassion, who are friends in deed not just in words. I know it might get a little…there’s a word for it but I can’t think of it now but basically you might get tired of hearing me talk about this all the time. I really don’t care cause I write what’s on my heart and right now I am feeling pretty grateful.

I’m gonna get this posted and get back to work outside. Kind of tired as I usually am at this time of day but I didn’t water the squash last night and saw it is hurting pretty bad from the lack of water. I need to start getting the mulch I bought around the plants as that will go a long way in preserving the water and keeping the soil temperature down.
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I worked hard today. Slowed down a lot since 6:00. We went to Sonic for the free root beer float special they had tonight. Cherie had to drive cause I wasn’t up to it. That’s all I’m going to write. Slowdowns drain me so time to sleep.

Been busy

6/6/07 Wednesday
Been busy all day and Cherie has as well. Highlight of the day for me was stopping by Eric’s to pick up the DVD’s he made of the two VCR tapes I had. One was a news story on one of my companies in 1992 and the other is the Toledo’s John Doe story ABC did on me when I had amnesia. It is the one Cherie saw that brought us back together. I want to figure out how to put them on the blog.

We talked for an hour or so about a little of this and a little of that. It’s good to talk and always helps me sort things out.

What else? I’m sure lots of things but not much comes to mind. I made tomato cages out of the wire fencing I scavenged at the landfill. I am still paying the price for loading all that stuff on the truck and probably will for a few days. If it wasn’t for the pain meds I wouldn’t have been able to do much of anything. Took one so I will be able to go to sleep tonight.

Maybe I’ll remember more of today tomorrow. Don’t know. Here’s a picture of the puppies and tonight’s sunset.

Groggy morning but I'll have a good day cause I said so

6/5/07 Tuesday
It is another groggy morning like yesterday was. I told Cherie that it is like I am on drugs from a physical standpoint. Or perhaps a small hangover. Perhaps I had a partial seizure during the night. It is curious how different areas are affected, sometimes it is my mental agility, sometimes it is control of the right side of my body, and this morning it is things like my balance along with the pressure in my head. If I closed my eyes I would fall over. The brain is operating at it’s average of a seven on the bob scale.

I will run to Lowe’s this morning to find what I need to run the water line under the house to the air conditioner. After that I’ll stop at Walfart to get some mineral oil to use on the corn and a couple more items Cherie has on her list. I’ll see if I can pick up her medication at the pharmacy but am not sure if I can. It would save her a trip up there. I also need a belt as the one I picked up at a thrift shop in Toledo is worn out. I’ve lost so much weight and gut since we moved to this farm that I added three holes to cinch it up tight. It’s loose again.

That’s it for now. The puppies are springing forward at an amazing rate and getting more adventurous and confident along with moving faster. It won’t be long till keeping up will be a challenge.

It’s 9:30 and the end of my day. Let’s see if I can recount the day. I can’t remember if Cherie went to work or not this morning but I did make it to Midland where my first stop was Walfart to get Cherie’s prescription. That was not the problem Cherie thought it would be. I just told them her name and they looked on the computer and went to a shelf where it was packed and waiting. I’ve been needing a belt and remembered I planed on getting one here so went and picked one out.

Cherie made a list of things for me to get while I was out but there were only two things on it and one of them could only be gotten at the HEB grocery store. That is an organic soda pop she had tried at one of those sample stands stores put up. It was great so she brought three flavors home for me to try. Good stuff and the flavors are so intense I poured it in a glass of tea half and half and that worked well. Kind of a flavored tea with a fizz. The other thing on the list was mineral oil that Phelan over at Homesteading Neophyte suggested to keep the worms out of my corn so I figured I’d get both at HEB.

Never did make it there. I stopped by the Habitat for Humanity’s Restore on the way to Lowe’s as it is near Walmart. Wanted to check on the cabinetry doors they have. They are marked twenty bucks apiece but can be had for five dollars now. Cool. They have plenty of choices including some that are a light natural finish and unfinished as well. I need to measure the doors on our cabinets.

From there I headed to Lowe’s where I intended to get the ferrule needed for the water hose going to the air conditioner. Walking in the door I decided check out the garden section to see what they did with the bags of soil and stuff that had broken open. The broken bags I was getting at Aldredge are no longer available. I suspect that the kid who said I could take them made a mistake. So I found an employee and asked what they did with them. “We sell them” he said and took me over to a couple of pallets and asking what I wanted. There was all kinds of stuff. Manure, mulch, top soil, and some stuff that killed grubs and other bugs. I told D.B. (the name on his tag) that I would take everything except what had poison in it if he gave me a good price. DB was a nice guy and I had developed a rapport with him, telling him I was on disability and grew food to eat and perhaps sell to stretch my check, so he started digging up all kinds of damaged bags and said “You can have it all for $25.00”. Deal.

They had to call a manager and dig up all the product numbers to get it done. I have to remember to bring some corn and melons to DB if and when they come due. He worked hard to get this together for me. It took fifteen minutes at the cash register because the computer had a hard time accepting a twenty five dollar price for $102.00 worth of product. Yeah, you heard it right. It was a good deal and all stuff we can use. There was maybe ten bags of mulch which is the one thing I really needed. I’ve been scratching up the dried up tumbleweed sticks to use up till now. Mulch makes a tremendous difference here in the desert as it helps keep the moisture from getting sucked out of the soil by the West Texas sun and dry wind.

After all this time and the work the guys did to put this together I decided to load it myself. They had used a forklift to take it out to the side of the store. I should have asked for help instead of being a macho man. Hurt myself just a little. Big back pain and holding a spoon to eat the ice cream sundae we had a couple of hours ago hurt pretty good as well. I got everything except the mulch (which is pretty light) unloaded by sliding the bags to the edge of the truck and slicing them open so the dirt, manure, top soil, and whatever else spilled into the wheel barrow. Then I could truck it to wherever it was going with greater ease than carrying the bags. Besides I am mixing most of it together to make a garden cocktail of sorts.

Cherie’s boss, Joe, came over to teach her some things she needs for the job. Joe’s a neat ole guy with a dry sense of humor I enjoy. He would come outside occasionally to smoke a cigarette and invariably I would be taking one of the many breaks I needed while unloading the truck. Come to find out he has a good friend who received a traumatic brain injury when she went through the windshield of a car. He does much to care for her and she has many partial seizures like I do. Sounds like she has them more often. This came up when I mentioned how nicotine triggered seizures in me. He has noticed that hers reduce when she goes to the hospital for regular tests or something that take a week or two. That could well be from her smoking less at these times. It would be cool if this tidbit of information can help her.

I know there were some other things I wanted to write but I am tired and it is late, besides that I can’t remember. So night all.

Well I looked at the pictures I took today and see the ones of our wild sunflowers. There are two types that just showed up. One has much larger leaves and flowers than the other. It will be interesting to see how the seeds are. As I hoe down weeds I am careful to leave these plants alone. Yeah, they’re a weed too but I like them. Besides they grow without any help so when I plant the seeds I plan on gathering it will look like I am a fantastic gardener.


The other thing that came to my mind, one I had wanted to write about, is that as I drove away from Restore I noticed an antique drill press setting out in an industrial yard. I turned around to check it out as I could always use one and the old stuff is tough and not hard for me to recondition. A young man saw me and came to the fence. He let me know that none of the stuff in the yard was for sale that he knew of. He asked me about my hat that said “Mission Toledo”. I explained that it was a ministry I taught bible study at but soon discovered the founder was a professional con man who traveled the country starting these things up. Jim Watson is his name and you can do a search in this blog to learn about this shyster. Caused a lot of harm and messed up some lives in Toledo.


Come to find out the kid was in Teen Challenge. He brought it up questioningly when I talked about how Jim would take drug addicts and others off the streets and get jobs for them to work from the churches he approached for funds. Jim would keep the money they earned. “I’m kind of one of those guys” this kid said after I reassured him that Teen Challenge was a great organization that I had worked with in the past. We talked and shared through the chain link fence for a while. I told him of my past and how I had fallen back to old ways. At the end of our conversation I said “It’s not an accident we met”. It surprised me to hear this come out of my mouth. I have so many problems with the hokey stuff I hear out of the mouths of some who wear the label of “Christian” and consider it superstitious crap. That’s not all of them mind you but there are many who “spiritualize” everything. You’ve got folks like Pat Robertson who say “God told me” this and that. In his case the predictions, or prophesies as he calls them, don’t happen so either God is a liar or he is. So here I am with these doubts finding this statement coming out of my mouth. Where did it come from?

So we’ll try the good night thing again. Good night all.

Hope you like to read

6/4/07 Monday
It wasn’t too long ago I wrote a post about us reaching a pivotal moment in our lives. I think a better description is we are turning a corner, getting off a bumpy dirt country lane onto a nice paved road. Yesterday morning I had a lot going on in this crowded empty mind and vented a little. By the time we reached the end of the day I was done for and, hitting the bed I disappeared into the oblivion of a deep sleep. Waking up was a slow process as I heard the dim sounds of Cherie doing things around the kitchen as if off in the distance. The sounds drew closer as I became more aware that I was not sleeping. Then I heard Cherie getting the puppies. I could tell she had picked one up as she baby talked “OOOh! Your so cute! Yes you are!” interspersed with gleeful laughs when puppy licked her face and did what happy puppies do.

We are starting to let them scamper behind us on the journey from the front porch, where they are kept at night, to the kitchen door, where they go outside to do their morning duties. Before we carried them as they didn’t move well enough or follow us. So Cherie led them into the bedroom as I hoped she would and put them on the bed where they could attack me with their joy over discovering I was there. As before they both thought my ear lobes were tits. Nothing like wet slurping nips right in the ears to finish the job of waking me up. I liked it and loved them back.

So we are turning a corner. Life is good. It always has been but sometimes it’s hard to see with all the hard things happening all around. But now we have puppies!!!! Actually the puppies are only a small part of the blessings we suddenly find ourselves enjoying. That brings me to yesterday. This will take a bit for me to get recorded as I am fighting a headache and slight slowdown. It is 12:20.

Trixie can fall asleep anywhere. Even up upright against the wall

After I got done spouting off on the blog I went out and started chopping weeds. I’m sure I did some other stuff but that’s what I remember. Janie or Steve had called to see what would be a good time for them to come over and install the evaporative air unit they had picked up for us.

I just looked at yesterday’s post and see I covered this. Steve 1, Steve 2, Janie, and Cindy (Steve 2’s wife) got here right at 2:00 as planned. Now, I need to make things a bit easier regarding distinguishing between the two Steve’s. These guys are like brothers. They have known each other for years and have similar backgrounds so the term “Two peas in a pod” could well apply. In her conversations with Cherie, Cindy referred to them as “Frick and Frack”. I think I’ll call them Jib and Jab cause these two love verbally sparring and teasing each other. Jib will be Steve 1, Janie’s husband, and Jab is now the honorable title I bestow on Steve 2.

You know, their coming over to install the air unit that they are giving us is great and as I write this I am enjoying the first cooled air we have had in this house. But what we enjoyed the most was the camaraderie and fellowship.

For Cherie it was a time where she sat and talked with Cindy and Janie for the hour or three they were here. Every time I went passed I heard nonstop conversation with Cherie sharing stories of her life, job, and experiences we have had since we got here. Plus Janie and Cindy were sharing as well and there was much laughter and joking. This was a blessing for me to see for I know how lonely it has been for Cherie and how much she needed this. Why the women of the Stanton church couldn’t do this I don’t understand. Cherie will be meeting Karla in a few days so one person has reached out.

For me it was great to be around the guys. I don’t get comfortable easily but with time and familiarity can become secure enough to… fit in I guess is the way to say it. But I enjoyed watching and listening to Jib and Jab, jib and jab, watching the friendship and camaraderie.

I ran around trying to help where I could, fetching tools and holding things up. Steve (Jib) asked me what I thought of how he was planning to do something and I told him that he knew more than I did about that kind of stuff so “Do it however you think”. Steve gave me a reproving look and basically said that I wasn’t ignorant of this kind of stuff. There are lots of things I used to be able to do but most things I have had to learn all over again because of the memory loss. Besides that I have confidently proceeded with a concept to learn it wasn’t a good idea after all so I suppose I don’t have a lot of confidence in my opinion and would rather rely on another’s.

There was a time that Steve thought I was upset or angry because of the expression on my face so he questioned me about it. “I can tell you’re not happy about something I’m doing” was the way he put it, or something like that. This illustrates one of the issues that comes with a brain injury. It’s an area I will cover if I ever get to finishing the paper on TBI.

There are an estimated 100 billion neurons in the brain. With a TBI the brain is bounced around and shook up like a bowl of Jello causing millions of little tears in these connecting circuits. One of the big areas hit with a TBI is social skills. This is much more complex than just getting along and being friendly. Our brains rely on an incredible array of signals in order to interact with one another. It’s much more than what you say or how you say it. Our brains observe and interpret things we are not even aware of on a subconscious level. We have all heard of “Body Language” and indeed recognize and understand much of this. Police are trained to watch for some of these signals that indicate someone is being deceitful. I used to train sales forces how to “read” their prospective client as well as how to be aware of their own body language and use it to enhance trust and help make a sale.

But we detect much more than that. There are so many subtleties that our brains take note of, interpret, and then send a message up to the conscious sector. That is why we feel comfortable or uncomfortable with someone we just meet, we trust them or we don’t. “There’s just something about that guy” is a statement you might hear. Well, there is just something about me that is unsettling. In Toledo I was told by a pastor that I was arrogant. He based this on how I stood in the foyer. A lady recently was terribly unsettled by me. She was serving me at a counter in a business and as she walked past serving others kept asking “What are you thinking? What’s wrong?”. I asked her a few questions to understand what I was doing to cause this reaction. She finally said it was the smirk on my face that bothered her, like I knew something about her. Now I am sure she had her own emotional issues but there was something, some signals my face and body were sending out that set this off.

You see there is more than just the brain’s ability to recognize and interpret the signals others put out. There is a complex system in our brains that correlate a myriad of thoughts, instincts, and desires to send out signals as well. So a person with TBI not only has difficulties understanding and interpreting other’s signals but often, because of damage, present signals that do not correlate at all with what is truly inside. This makes things very difficult. The Bible precept of “Judge not” becomes a truth desperately needed for those with TBI for the signals we all use to make these initial judgments are terribly skewed with us. For some it is much more than others. That is always the difficulty because the incredibly complex ability of the brain to synchronize and balance every facet of behavior is always effected differently depending on where and how severe the damage to the brain is. Here is an excerpt from one of the papers I have studied while learning about my injury that illustrates a small aspect of this.

What to Expect after TBI
By Tom Novack, PhD
Presented at the Recovery after TBI Conference, Sept, 1999

Lack of emotional response is demonstrated by a lack of initiative and a flattened affect. The individual does not smile or show any emotional response to things going on in the environment. An example is an adult with TBI who was told by his mother that he cannot drive anymore. His reaction was to put his keys on the dresser and walk out without exhibiting any reaction or emotional response. Most adults would react differently. The emotional response is just not there.

Oh yeah, I was talking about yesterday. Got sidetracked. Ummm that’s a brain injury issue also but I best stay on track or I’ll never finish this post.

So Jib thought I was upset but fact is I was and am about as happy as can be. If anything else he over engineers a job. But he’s an engineer so I suppose that’s appropriate. These guys rock and it was fun working with them as they jibed and jabbed about anything they could find.

Again I must take note of how things seem to come together as if there is an unseen hand orchestrating events. When Steves Jib and Jab went to Lowe’s to investigate getting the evaporative cooler Jib said he was surprised to find it cost about $400. As they looked and pondered the store clerk came up to help. Seeing their interest and dismay over the price he volunteers that there was one that had been damaged and could be bought for a reduced price. I can’t remember if it was the exact one they were looking at or another but J & J presumed it might be fifty bucks or so off the price. No, the price was fifty bucks out the door. WOW! What a coincidence or perhaps one should say “Godcidence”. If this kind of stuff keeps happening I’m gonna hafta start believing. I don’t know and I’m sure I’m a bit thick headed but things like this have been happening ever since I woke up from the coma. Still seeking, still want to know, still have doubts, but things like this and people like Steve, Janie, and gang are chipping away at them. Others who don’t practice what they preach don’t help but just confirm the depravity of man. The corruptions of greed, ambition, lust, jealousy, and all the rest exist whether there is a God or not but in a way confirm there is. The juxtaposition of good and evil is the classic battle of all humanity.

So we are blessed with friends who are true and live their beliefs. We are blessed and thankful. Fact is I am impressed and see them as an example of how to live a life. No I don’t put them or anyone else on a pedestal and I am sure they are a bit embarrassed by me saying this but if I can leave a mark in my life as they then there will be no shame. Thanks guys. God will reward.

Alright, enough of that stuff. The whole gang had other things that they had put off to do this so had to leave. Cherie and I decided that we could afford to splurge a little so we went to Cheddar’s, the restaurant Steve and Janie took us to, and had a nice dinner. After that we drove the two blocks to the movie theatre and saw Pirates. It was a good movie though I don’t think as good as the previous one. What amazed me wasn’t the movie but my first glimpse at a part of today’s youth culture. Going in I saw a kid (Anyone under 25 is a kid to me) who had is cell phone open. “I’m not going to sit near him” I thought “He’ll start yapping and I’ll have to tell him to shut up”.

So we sat towards the front where Cherie got a neck ache from looking up at the screen. Next thing we know there are about forty kids sitting in front and behind us and I’m seeing cell phones flipping open all over the place. “Man, this ain’t gonna be fun” I was thinking. I found it curious to see the bright screens of cell phones open but not hear anyone talking on the phone. Then my antique ass figured it out. They are text messaging. Duhh! Yeah I heard it was the thing and was amused at the TV commercial showing the interaction between a mom and her daughter using the new language that has evolved around this newest advance in teener evolution but this is the first I saw of it first hand. Yeah, my birthday is four days away. I’m not a fossil yet but sure getting there.


Today was a normal day. Not much to say other than I watered plants, got bottled water, poop scooped the cat litter and cleaned puppy poop. It’s been ninety degrees outside and around seventy five in. I’m happy.

The cool morning air.

6/3/07 Sunday
I was up till after 1:00 this morning. There was a great lightning storm that I tried to get a video of with the Kodak camera. I’ve never used the video feature on it before and was surprised to learn it also records sound. Unfortunately it isn’t sensitive enough to work when it was this dark. There were only a few dim flashes showing on the screen. That’s a shame cause it was a fantastic light show. I opened the living room window and both doors to try and get some of the cool night air in the house. Still wide awake I grabbed the bible and lesson book to study what they were going to teach in Sunday school.

Janie called this morning. Of course the cell phone was still in the pocket of my jeans which were crumpled up on the floor so it was a scramble to retrieve it before the voice mail kicked in. Janie had to be tired after the two day fundraising golf event she was responsible for or involved in. There were something like 530 golfers there. Steve didn’t get in till late last night after being gone on the job for a week. Despite that they want to come over with the other Steve to help install the evaporative cooler that Steve (the other Steve) had sitting in his garage. Running water to it will be the big problem.

Janie asked when we would be done at church in order to figure out when to get here. We weren’t sure having only been there once last week so 2:00 was set. Cherie has laundry and stuff she wants to get done and getting ready for church in time was going to be a race so we decided to skip church today. That will let me get some work done while it is still cool. We had a little bit of rain last night but it was just a sprinkle. Still will help the garden. Cherie is going to head into town to do the laundry. I think I will go wash my hair outside under the water hose. Took my alcohol stand up bath last night so am pretty clean except the hair.

I will either chop weeds or figure out what to plant on the three remaining rows I installed the drip feed irrigation on. I was having a hard time deciding that or anything else yesterday. It was a rough day with lots of anger boiling inside on top of depression. I am doing much better this morning and seem fairly sharp so making decisions should be easier.

I had thought that burying the drip feed hose was how it is supposed to be done but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I suppose I should have read the directions. The first hose I put in was just barely covered and the water seems to have spread over a wider area, reaching the spots I planted seeds two or three inches away. The other hoses are buried two to four inches in the ground and left these spots dry. So I will pull them out of the ground. Fortunately that not disturb the seeds I planted and will be easy to do.

Here’s an interesting side note. Seems that someone from Stanton was looking in the archives at my entries regarding the Cedar Creek church we had such a bad experience with in Toledo. With Mapstats I can tell what city, what time, how many pages, which pages, and a few other details. If I wanted to pay a few bucks I could see who it was that visited the blog but it isn’t that important to me. I just find it interesting that someone would research this, especially when no one has really reached out or made efforts to really get to know us. So they don’t talk with us but still look at some of our history. All of this is so puzzling, almost contradictory to not take the few moments to get to really know us yet read pages of specific information from the blog.

I must wonder about this, I wonder what they look for, what their motives are, and finally why not ask, why not just talk? Where is this “Love of Jesus” they speak so proudly of yet seem to practice in narrow directions of their choosing. Yes, there is a bitterness in me stemming from this sense of rejection from those I reached out to for fellowship. Others like Amy, Janie, and Steve are reaching out to us and are practicing the beliefs they espouse, thus honoring the God they serve. Again, it’s not the “Things” they give that are important, it is just being friends, just being there to talk to.

Pastor Dave used the word “Rhetoric” when referring to what I write in this journal. That is a word that has some almost contradictory definitions so I wonder how he was using it.

rhet•o•ric

noun Definition: 1. persuasive speech or writing: speech or writing that communicates its point persuasively

2. pretentious words: complex or elaborate language that only succeeds in sounding pretentious

3. empty talk: fine-sounding but insincere or empty language

4. skill with language: the ability to use language effectively, especially to persuade or influence people

5. study of writing or speaking effectively: the study of methods employed to write or speak effectively and persuasively

I suppose that if he considered what I wrote to be pretentious, empty, or insincere it would mean those words have little value and thus could or should be cast aside. If they were persuasive one would expect they would cause a change in the hearts of the readers, which would be evidenced by actions. I don’t know, I just know that what I write I write from the heart. It is what I feel. Sure, there is a great possibility that I am wrong but if I am come and tell me so I can understand and repent. But these are honest words from the standpoint of my perception.

So here is some “Rhetoric” that is true and I would hope persuasive. Not to make some feel bad but to open their eyes so they can be better.

Mathew 25:31 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 34 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' 37 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' 40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' 41 "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' 44 "They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?' 45 "He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' 46 "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

So I am offensive? I am unpleasant in what I think or say? I am sorry but…

Mathew 5:43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Who am I to say this? Am I a preacher? I am a man who seeks God, I am a man with doubts and questions but these are not my words, they are true words, the words of Jesus and I can’t argue against them.

21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23 Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' 24 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." 28 When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, 29 because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.


Time to get moving and take care of the coolness of the morning air.

What did I plant?

This is the storm that rolled past us yesterday. Just missed us.

6/2/07 Saturday
Not sure of the rest of yesterday so it will remain a blank. I went out to the herb garden and see I planted five different beds. Unfortunately I didn’t write down what I planted or where so I had to go look at the empty seed packets, which fortunately I saved, to at least figure out the what. Looking at the locations I can guess with perhaps some accuracy cause I am sure the sage went up against the fence. I also believe the chives did too and the bed that does not have rows is most certainly them because of how they grow. Somewhere are the carrots and onions. I think the carrots are the first bed and the onions next. The third bed is currently a total mystery. I’ll have to wait and see what comes up. Still using the old seeds so there is a chance that nothing will. Wait, Here’s two more seed packets. They are both Greek oregano.

I bought fresh seeds when I was at Walmart so need to go out and look at them to see what it was I got. Can’t remember of course. I’ve got lots of planting to do. Don’t have a lot of energy this morning, really dragging. That may be a result of being out in the sun so much yesterday. I just remembered that I called Steve yesterday or the day before and set up Tuesday at 7:00 as the time to meet at his office and see if I can be of assistance showing him how to do E mails and stuff. Not sure if I can or not till I get there. His E mail is evidently through his companies site so probably isn’t Yahoo or something I am familiar with. I’ll do the best I can but was careful not to make any promises. He asked if the electrician who came over with them has come out and run the 220 lines for the stove and water heater yet. I let him know “not yet”.

Cherie brought the puppies in while I was still under the covers this time. Nothing like a puppy sucking and slurping on your ear lobe in search of milk to get you moving. Love these two guys and look forward to raising them. The biggest worry is the highway running in front of our house. They don’t venture far yet but will soon enough. There seems to be a problem with our post office box so we are heading there this morning. Six months ago they locked it up on us, saying we hadn’t paid the fee. It was an argument to convince them we paid for the whole year, not just six months, and they weren’t able to locate a record on us. Cherie looked up the receipt and brought it in to prove we paid for the whole year. Then they found our file. Now we haven’t had any mail in our box for a few days.

I’m running a six or so on the bob scale. A little slower than average. That should pick up as the day proceeds. I didn’t have to take a pain pill till well into the day yesterday but need to start out with one this morning. I guess putting the drip feed system in was tough on the back.
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What a trial this turned out to be. I was lured into changing the layout of the blog by Blogger’s little ad that said how easy it is. I should leave well enough alone. Setting up the original blog was a nightmare that took days. I thought I followed the directions clearly which included saving the original set up in case I had to go back to it. The original is lost as far as I can figure out. This has been three hours of frustration. Somehow I got here. It’s not what I wanted but it’s what I got. Need to get to important things. The hell with messing with this anymore.
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I am tired of getting lost, wandering around from task to task with nothing getting done. I was “Shocking” the flat with Tomatillas in it as I read in instructions on transplanting from the flats. Forgot about it and dried up a bunch of the plants. I didn’t really forget because they were right out where I walked past them every time I would go out the door. I would see them and think “I’ll get to that right after I do this” for two days. Finally got the tomatillas planted and watered the rest of the flat.

Tried to set up the sprinkler to water the corn but it still won’t work right despite me putting grease on it and adjusting the spring. That’s what happens when you buy the cheap made in China Walmart crap. Costs more in the long run.

I am having a hard time figuring out what to do next. Just came in to type this hoping it will help. Damn cat keeps meowing and begging for attention. Every time he does it interrupts my train of thought and I forget what I was thinking. I am getting depressed. Feel useless.

Oh, I figured out why I came inside. I want to look up what kinds of bugs do the types of damage I find on the plants and how to fix it. Came in thirty minutes ago.

First of the month

Your liable to see lots of pictures of the puppies but that's the way it is. This is the first good face shot I've gotten of Trixie even though Rascal's butt is in the way


6/1/07 Friday
It’s the first of the month. The check is in and I am heading to Walfart to pick up some of the stuff we need. As much as I dislike shopping there for what I see as ethical reasons it is where we get the most for our money for many products. Ethics must take a back seat to practicality. It is always a stretch at the end of a month so the first is a big day of sorts. Cherie will do the important bulk shopping where we get important consumables that don’t spoil in the big packages that get us the best value for the money. That is why Sam’s club is a wise investment. Saves us a ton in the long run. With Cherie getting her check (It didn’t come in yet but will) we might splurge and actually go see a movie. It will either be Shrek or Pirates, something upbeat that puts a smile on the face. Neither of us are into the who killed who movies and have no interest of any kind in horror flicks. I’ve seen enough horror in real life.

June is also the month my birthday falls in but I see it as just another day. June 8 I'll be another year older. It's another year in the gift life is for me. Cherie and I have agreed to not make a big deal about birthdays. She spent hers’ in Ohio with Mom as they share the same birthday. In some ways I consider waking up from the coma as a birthday. Was pretty much operating at the level of a child with much of the world brand new to me.

So this morning I went and got the puppies out of the front porch, where we keep them at night or when we are traveling, and carried them to the bed where Cherie was still sleeping. That was a great way to wake her up with their excited wagging tails and licking tongues as they snuggled into her hair looking for the teats they still crave despite being weaned. Cherie just laughed and loved them as they showed how happy they were to see us after being locked in the porch all night. Somehow they managed to poop in the living room. Don’t know when they could have unless the wind blew the front door open, as it doesn’t always latch closed. What a mystery this is. I can hear the theme music from the Twilight Zone running through my head as I write.

I am doing quite well this morning. Already got out and Dippel dusted the corn. We had some rain last night which is always welcome for the garden. At some point I wish to set up things to do what is called “rain water harvesting” by the government. Water is a precious resource and the well water is so hard it eventually leaves a white residue on top of the dirt in the seed starting flats. We haven’t had it tested regarding the mineral content but eventually need to as that is important regarding growing crops and particularly for the orchard trees we plan on.

Time to get moving.
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Spent more at Walmart than I thought I would. The water feeder for the puppies was fifteen bucks. I got some poison for the ants and that was another fourteen, then there was eleven for fungicide to treat the leaf wilt and other diseases that are showing on the plants. It’s a concentrate that will make sixty four gallons but still a chunk of change. All said and done it came out to ninety dollars and I got twenty bucks worth of gas on top of that. If I had filled the thirty gallon tank on the truck it would have been another ninety dollars. Anymore I start slow, drive slow, and stop slow to use as little gas as possible. Cherie was gone to work by the time I got home. I’ll get to work on the garden while I am still doing well cause you never know how long that will last.
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It’s 4:00. I’m wiped so need to take a break. Been out in the sun all day hooking the drip feed irrigation up. Got a headache and body ache, as in all over. Will sit on the veranda to take advantage of the breeze. Sweating buckets as soon as I came in. The wind has beat up the squash plants. Haven’t made it over to look at the melons yet. May not for a while. When I stop sweating I will probably have to take a nap.