Monday, December 12, 2005

12/12/05 Monday
Tired and my head is still thick. There is nothing on the calendar for this week except taking Wayne to the MS luncheon. That was on my computer calendar not the handwritten one I carry with me. Still need to get in the habit of checking both. I will go ahead and take some aspirin, hoping for relief from the headache. Perhaps I will get out and do some visiting. Haven’t done that in a while and yesterday just stayed in bed all day.
It is 1:00 and I just got back from taking Fred to get a haircut and then shopping. I ran and got some dish soap, batteries, and the light bulbs for his reader while Fred was getting the haircut. After that I took him to Kroger where he bought a turkey and some stuff for Barb as well as a few meager items for himself. I can tell his money is tight because every time I pointed out an item I knew he liked he would freak over the price. I take him to buy all his food and have to wonder how anyone can live on what he gets.
I am still tired and forgot to take my pill this morning which I just remedied. Of course I haven’t eaten but that’s ok cause I need to lose weight. I still get that strange lightheaded feeling when I am in the grocery store, probably always will. Don’t know for sure but I think it is because of all the information this brain must process in a store. I got to go deliver this stuff to Barb and then go shopping for us. Might go visiting after but will decide on the run.
It’s 7:21. I am exhausted. For a day with nothing scheduled I was amazingly busy. Fred called and asked if I could take him to get a haircut and then to do some shopping which I did. After that I took the food, soap, and other stuff to Barb. She was in a goofy good mood and very talkative. I pulled a staple out of her couch that had cut her foot badly and then tried to fix her Oreck vacuum cleaner. It was too far gone for me to fix. Pauly, a local she often has do things like this had tried to fix it but made it worse. I know she wanted to keep talking but I didn’t want to stay much longer so I said “I have to go Barb” and left.
As I drove down Monroe St. debating what to do I called Wayne because he was close and I try to be efficient with my time and gas. “Hi Wayne. How’s it going? You need anything?” He did so I told him to get ready cause I was ten minutes away. Wayne said he thought I was just going to pick stuff up for him and bring it. “Wayne I help you but I’m not your servant. If you need groceries I’ll take you to the store and you can get them” I told him.
When I pulled up Sharon was outside waiting for her ride so I talked with her for a bit to see how she was doing. She doesn’t call us anymore for help so we are a bit out of touch. Her ride came so I pulled up to Wayne’s door. He was ready so I loaded his walker in the Caddy and we were off to Kroger. I pushed the cart for him as I always do and helped him locate what was on his list. One of those items is a calendar to replace the one for 2005. I never thought finding a calendar in December would be that hard. Nothing at Kroger so I told him I would take him to another store to find one. I have been teaching Wayne how to schedule things and write down as much as he can to compensate for the memory problems that come with MS.
As we talked Wayne brought up the medical records we had requested from Dr. Rowan. I had forgotten, as I am prone to do, that his office had called last week about those records. I know she had asked if she should mail them to me, Wayne, or if I would come and pick them up. I don’t have a clue what I answered her so decided we better go there now and pick them up. That was a good idea as when we got there the office really didn’t know what records we needed or why. I explained we had been fighting Social Security for three years now and basically had to prove Wayne had MS and it had progressed to the point he can’t work. I had her dig through all the records they had, telling her what would be useful and what wouldn’t.
With that done we headed back out, now looking for a store that had calendars of the type Wayne needs. I drove him to the Pharm with no luck so went to a dollar store where I did find a dustpan he needed but no calendar. Traffic was getting busy and I was beginning to think some one had been handing out dummy pills cause they sure weren’t using their brains. This added to my growing frustration as we searched for a calendar.
If I was in a part of town I was familiar with I would of known where to go but no such luck here. I decided to go across town to where I knew Walmart was thinking they would be sure to have what Wayne needed. Getting a parking space was another exercise in futility. Every time I would see a handicap space and would head for it some one would dash into it. Finally I pulled up to the door and told Wayne to get out, hoping to at least make the woman who took the handicap spot feel bad when she saw him get the walker out of the trunk. Then I drove around looking for a space with no luck so I invented one right in front and went in. After finding Wayne we looked and looked asking employees where calendars might be. We found some but they weren’t what was needed.
By now my frustration had grown to anger which for me is not good as I have a problem with controlling my emotions because of the brain injury. Now I am getting rude, pushing peoples carts out of the way with a big “EXCUSE ME” as I cleared a path for Wayne to come through with his walker. Not good as with my background I can be a bit dangerous when like this. “Wayne, we’re getting the F out of here and I’m taking you home. I’ll get you a calendar later” I told him. When I sense this anger growing I leave and go someplace to settle down.
Dropping Wayne off I headed home, trying not to be aggressive as I drove. I called Cherie to see how she was doing and could tell instantly when she answered it was not to well. She had just gotten the bill from when I took her to the hospital for chest pains. It was in the thousands and she was depressed and had worked herself up, blaming herself for bringing disaster to us. I said “You know, we haven’t gone out to watch a sunset in a while. It looks like it will be beautiful so how about I pick you up and we go watch it. That sounded good to her, kinda. She was still working on not feeling good about herself and had no enthusiasm for anything. Time for doctor Bob.
Picking her up we drove and watched the sun set. I know she had been planning on cooking the ham steaks we had in the fridge but figured it would be a good time to take her out. Her answer was “That’s right, let’s spend more money. That will help. We can just throw money away, it grows on trees”. This was not going to be easy but some how I managed. She would respond to my questions about what restaurant she would like with “I guess that would be ok”. I decided where we would go and it helped her a lot to relax and chill out over a nice dinner. I was drained from all the emotion and rushing of the day and just wanted to crawl into bed but this wasn’t the right time.

This is Cherie at our first wedding over 25 years ago. I know I promised to tell you of this love story but hang in there. At least I started writing it.

Things worked out and it is 10:00 now. I am done with this journal entry and will publish this to the blog and head for bed. Cherie is as tired as me and fell asleep on my chest as she does. Strange as it may seem I really love it when she does this. Her place on my chest with my right arm around her is what she calls her spot. She will lean over and say “Spot” and I will open my arms for her. When she is as tired as she is tonight she will snore as she sleeps on my chest. I just hold her and try not to disturb her, feeling very protective and complete. It is good to be with the one you know you will spend the rest of your life with. At least it is for us but I know some who will find it to be a nightmare, wanting to escape from a bad relationship. I am blessed. Good night all. See ya tomorrow or whenever I next post.

No comments: