To touch the gutter.

12/17/08 Wednesday
I woke up at three and put some more logs on the fire. Just kind of drifted in and out of sleep till I got up to start the day at 6:30. Cherie had set the coffee maker to start up then so it was nice to have a cup to start off with. It’s fairly warm this morning, at least compared to the last few days, about forty degrees, and it’s going up to the mid sixties. God I hope I stay cognizant so I can accomplish something on this nice day. I still have a slight headache, but nothing that will slow me down. These puzzle me. I’m not a worrier (at least I don’t think I am) but there is a concern here.

We always wait till it’s light out before we let the dogs out. I keep close tabs on them after the wandering a mile away events. When I went out to check I saw Gretchen and Ben playing on the other side of the highway so called them back. They came running just as an oil truck was approaching. Traffic is always heavier in the morning so it is a big concern. Ben and Gretchen seem to be oblivious to the danger and don’t seem to look before the cross. I am amazed to see Gretchen running as fat as she is with her babies. When the puppies come the danger of the highway will be accentuated. I’m not sure how to handle that. Perhaps I can fence in the back yard. Another chore to add to the long list of what doesn’t seem to get done.

I am still worried that I offended Mike, who helped dig the trenches and who’s dad bought the pipe for our new water system. I guess I am a worrier, at least when it comes to how I come across to others. But my history of offending others is extensive and has caused many heartaches for us. I keep intending to email my sister and keep forgetting. I guess part of that is my discomfort with social interaction. I’m not sure what to say or how to say it.

I do call Suzie and Calvin on a regular basis. But they are like family to me and are people I have a history with and am comfortable talking to. I would call Bobby, (Suzie’s brother) but his phone has been disconnected for a while. I want to try and advise him or perhaps guide him regarding the impending foreclosure of his house. If I was up there I would be trying to get him to go to AA, to get him free of the alcoholism that strangles his soul.

I turned the TV off at 8:00. All the news we get on ABC and NBC is fluff nowadays. There’s a world of hard times and impending doom out there that they just brush over. That’s America’s way, to keep our heads in the sand and avoid that which makes us uncomfortable. We did that in the years leading up to our finally getting involved in world war II, to our shame. Oh there are always some who keep their eyes open but their voices are ignored by the rest who don’t want to rock their luxury liner.

One of the few shows we watch on TV is a new one called “Secret Millionaire”. In it they take people who are worth millions and have them go to poor sections of society with only the amount of money someone on welfare gets. So far they have all been “self made” millionaires who came up from poor circumstances. Their shock of actually being in this world they have isolated themselves from is something to see. It’s eye opening impact has been something else, leaving many of them in tears as they touch the reality many of us live in.

The reason this is important to me is it’s something I’ve personally experienced. I’ve been poor, I’ve been moderately wealthy and successful, then I’ve wandered homeless with a severely damaged mind struggling to survive and happy to get a dollar hamburger a day. There is so much I’ve seen and so much good that can be done but it requires a wisdom that comes with touching that which many consider to be “unclean” in the biblical sense. Just throwing money at a problem without getting your hands dirty sometimes does more harm than good. Watching these millionaires personal involvement, getting their hands dirty by actually working and interacting with others is gratifying. And by going into these worlds after shedding all the trappings of wealth, by becoming “one of them” is a mirror of what Jesus did. Here was the Son of God coming to earth and hobnobbing not with the rich and successful but with the poor and downtrodden. Those who thought they were important, that they were “somebody” were the ones Jesus had the least respect for. In fact one of Jesus’ goals was to open their eyes to what surrounded them and let them know that riches and success didn’t make them any better than those they held in disdain. One of the things I lost on the old hard drive was the bible study I did on the poor and downtrodden. It would have made a small book. What I experienced with some of the “wealthy” churches I ran into while homeless and recovering was their not wanting to get close to or touch those of us who were down and out, to keep us at an arms length away. One pastor flatly told me that they give to the kitchen for the poor or a street mission so go there, don’t bother him. He said they don’t get directly involved.

I guess my mind is working well and I’m getting all kinds of philosophical or something but there’s things that need doing so I’d best get breakfast and get moving. Cherie found the CD’s I’d backed lots of pictures up on as well as the original journal entries so it will be good to load them onto this new hard drive and then back them up on the external drive we bought for that purpose. Actually Janie, the sweetheart of the world, bought it for us. How blessed we are with the friends God brought into our lives. And how grateful and appreciative we are for all of you who not only help with physical needs but take the time to understand the issues of my TBI and give us the most valuable gift of all, friendship and fellowship.

Got to go.