Focus on cutting wood

6/17/10 Thursday
This morning I will focus on cutting wood. Had a hard time waking up, real drowsy or something. Not sure if I slept well or not. Wally is coming by to visit in a few hours. I’ll sweep up the living room and neaten it up some. I seem to be a little slow this morning. Having a hard time collecting my thoughts to write. Went to the bible study at the halfway house last night. It’s always good to see the guys. This is all I’m going to write because it’s just to hard to figure out what to say or how to say it. Ears are ringing, sometimes a sign of a slow down but they ring all the time or lots of times or…got to go. Too hard to think.
=================================================================

I cleared up fairly well in time for Wally’s visit. Took the garbage to the landfill and started getting things ready for cutting wood. Set up some pallets I’ll use to stack the wood on as the steel roofing I’d used last year was buried under four inches of blown in sand. The pallets will keep the wood off the ground so there’s less chance of termites or some other creature making a home there.

It’s interesting to note how differently others see this farm than I do. To Wally everything showed amazing progress and he could see all the things I’d accomplished but when I look at it I see everything I haven’t done or completed. Two sets of eyes looking at the same thing but seeing it all differently. I expressed my frustration on being unable to keep up and do the things I want to. Wally assured me that I had done well despite being a one man show. I explained that much of what had been done happened during those times I could afford some help.

I’m so tired. The slowdown from this morning is catching up. They always drain me much. That plus the hamburger Wally treated me to both contributed to this tiredness. My eyes keep closing as I write. Suppose I should take a short nap as they refresh me. That’s another frustrating aspect of TBI, the mental fatigue. Doesn’t make any sense but it’s there.
===========================================================

4:25 – Came in to grab something to drink and cool off in front of the fan. Of course laying back eases the pain some too. As the fan evaporates the sweat soaking my shirt it’s almost too cool, sending chills shivering down my skin. But it feels good. Cutting the wood is going slowly because it’s all piled together, little small unusable twigs still attached to the larger branches. We will have a big fire to burn off all the unusable stuff later. Moving all of it out to where I’m building a burn pile will be a lot of work so I’m debating just burning it in the middle of the lot. I think that’s what I’ll do, just have to be careful and choose a day when the wind is blowing away from the house. There’s so much to do that time’s valuable. This fruitless mulberry is hard wood and tough on a chain saw blade. The blade is stretching pretty bad and I must adjust it often. I think I’ve got another blade laying around somewhere but will have to work to find it. Hard to believe it’s already this late. Time always flies when I’m busy. Taking a nap in the middle of it doesn’t help either. I only laid down for about an hour. Never really went to sleep, just kind of vegetated.

I need to call and see how Suzie is doing. She had a hysterectomy and bladder surgery and that got infected so things were rough. Then she had problems with Calvin and moved out with her two daughters. All of the pressures of no reliable incomes on top of everything else made things a tinderbox there. She is technically homeless now and they were finding different friends and relatives to spend the nights with and that wasn’t going well either. It breaks my heart to be this far away and unable to do anything.
===========================================================

Here's how much wood I got cut. Chain saw gave me fits till I figured out the safety stop had activated. Took me a half hour to figure that out.