Up at sunrise

6/18/07 Monday
Up at sunrise again. I like it and see it as a good habit to get into. Like we have a choice with these two growing puppies. It is also good for it gets me out in the garden early while it is still cool. The temperatures are going to be approaching triple digits today, maybe 98 degrees and summer solstice is Thursday or thereabouts. It’s summer time. We are so grateful for the loving gift of the evaporative air conditioner from Janie and the two Steve’s, Jib and Jab. That reminds me I need to call Jab and see if he is ready for me to help him learn how to do some computer stuff. Not sure I can but am sure I want to try.

So I replanted the black eye peas that didn’t come up or were eaten. That was about a third of what I planted before. Also put more rocks on the black plastic I laid out with the hope of killing the crab grass. The wind had already tore some of it loose.

It appears that I have killed and damaged a bunch of my corn with the soap insecticide mix. The bottom joints got mushy and…well died or are thinking hard about it. I read online or in the Mother Earth News that some soaps will do that. There’s a chance I read about this before I mixed the batch but forgot as I do so much. It is always frustrating.

So that’s all I can think to write this morning. Not doing too bad though I didn’t get to sleep till two this morning. Wide awake I started my Balaam’s ass blog. Don’t have any posts yet but got it all set up. I’ve been meaning to do this for a year or more but am just now getting going. Nothing unusual with that and I will have to push to complete this project or it will join the many other things I start and don’t finish.

Time to get moving. We’ll put a second coat of paint in the living room and move the furniture over to start another section.
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Never got the painting done. It got up to 102 degrees today so working out in the garden took it’s toll. I did get the windows masked off.

Pretty tired right now so will call it a night. Looked at Mapstats and there have been over 1900 pages read on this blog over the last four hours. Someone or some people are seriously digging into this journal. Naturally I am curious who it is. There are only 1394 pages in the journal on this laptop and it goes back a few years more than what I published in the blog.

Night folks. Have a good one and I’ll see ya tomorrow.

father's day

6/17/07 Sunday
We set the alarm for 6:30 to insure we were up and ready for church on time. I don’t know why we bothered as the puppies had us up by 6:00. Took them out for their morning romp as always. They know this is the routine and head right for the door after getting their morning tail wagging bouncing licking pets. Then we go out and run.

I am getting the skin flush with a slight sweat and dizziness that are a precursor to a slowdown. Not at all convenient just before church. Having Cherie with me will help a lot. She is a support for sure and her presence is reassuring which reduces the stress that makes these partial seizures worse and last longer.

As always things are unpredictable with this unstable system that runs my body. Didn’t really have a seizure as in a mental slowdown but my physical ability was effected. When I woke up the pain level was high and I still had the headache I went to sleep with so I took a pain pill for the back and aspirin for the headache. The pain pill strangely doesn’t touch my headaches. This morning it didn’t seem to help with the back pain either. Walking was (and currently is) a chore and I had to keep my hands touching the walls or Cherie to insure I wouldn’t fall over. It is kind of weird to have to touch something in order to determine you are upright and not tilting off to a side. Especially when you will fall over if you don’t. I can visually tell but touching something works better. Cherie took my arm a few times to help. When everyone closes their eyes to pray I have to leave mine open for the same reason.

We were warmly greeted as we always have been. One lady (Forgive me for not remembering your name) follows the blog and asked how I was doing on the bob scale. I told her I was running at a 6 which is not bad. She said that they had been thinking of coming to visit and asked for our phone number. I let her know we would be blessed to have visitors and would love to have them come over.

We got home and the puppies were bouncing in greeting at the door. We surveyed for pee and poop. There were a couple of puddles. Unfortunately the little brats have discovered where Carman kitties food bowl is kept and cleaned that out. Now that they know we will have to devise a way they can’t get to it. The fact that Carman can jump and get to places they can’t, at least not yet, will help.

So it’s father’s day and of course they wanted the father’s to stand up. I didn’t. I raised Bruce and Adam from the time they were four and five and they called me dad but we don’t talk now, since the rather nasty divorce. I didn’t expect them to send or do anything and they haven’t but I sent them an E mail saying I love them and think of them with a link to the blog and my phone number.

I wonder if my dad will even open the card I sent. It is hard.

So that is the start of the day. See ya next time I post.
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Got a second wind after having to lay down for a while because of the headache and back pain. Dug up the roll of black plastic I had recovered from my old warehouse and spread it over a large portion of the crabgrass that covers the area Leroy tilled up. I think it’s called crabgrass. It’s got these thorny seeds that are damn painful and everywhere. They are hard on the puppies as well as me. So I figure the hot sun shining on the black plastic should kill these weeds in a week or two. Don’t know but it’s worth a try. If I wanted to use a poison like Roundup I’d get rid of all this but have determined to stay away from that stuff, especially where I’m growing food I’ll eat.

After spreading the plastic and weighting it down with bricks and rocks I got the hoe and commenced to chopping more of these nasty things. Cherie came out and called me to come and grill the bacon wrapped filets she got me for father’s day. I needed to quit anyway. Always do more than I should but always pay the price for doing so. No biggy. I do what I gotta do.

After we ate we finally got to painting the half of the living room I had sanded and prepared. Just got done at 11:00 so we are both beat. I had to take a pain pill for I have been rough on the old back despite how much it complained. It should help me sleep.

That’s all folks. Night now.

Much better morning

6/16/07 Saturday
It’s a much better morning than it was with yesterday’s evening. The puppies are doing a great job of helping us with our goal of getting up earlier. In fact they insist. That’s what we get for letting them overhear our conversation on that. “Kids”, go figure. The little whippersnappers just don’t respect their elders. In fact they have gotten papa (me) to do his aerobic exercises the doctors wanted years ago.

I spent a lot of time yesterday making a little wire fence to keep them out of the flower garden. Cherie has a magazine on Border Collies, which is half of our guys’ lineage, that declares them the smartest dogs on earth. So what do these seven week old little shits do??? They find their way through the fence in short order. First it was Rascal. After I scolded him with the word he recognizes most “NO” and pulled him over the eighteen inch high fence by the scruff of his neck (This is humane and how mothers carry puppies for those of you who may think it’s abuse) Trixie commenced to pace the fence looking for a way in. I stood close and watched, ready to explain the error of her ways the instant she found a flaw in this hastily erected barrier made out of whatever I could find. That didn’t take long. Hearing a clear and forceful “NO” she recognized this was not a good idea. Yeah, these guys are smart and yeah we’re in for it as they grow up.

I got two E mails yesterday that have me thinking and rethinking. They were both E mails sent to others and CC’d to me. It seems that a small group of well respected members of Midland’s blogging community are getting together to enjoy each other’s company face to face versus through the blogosphere. It appears I am invited. This just blows me away and I will E mail Eric to make sure I am not misinterpreting the E mail being forwarded to me. In my mind I don’t come close to the caliber of these other’s work. My blog just talks about me and our life while the other blogs discuss local and political happenings as well as deep intellectual subjects like gnats in the teeth as one rides a bike grinning. It has me thinking. What I am contemplating is reviving my “What about bob” blog, that has languished with only an occasional commentary on my view of social issues. In it I will expound on things other than myself with the delusional idea that it will better mankind and have a profound effect on the lives of those who read it. You know, the ranting’s of a brain damaged mind.

As I cook breakfast for Cherie, who gracefully endured the ugly that sometimes comes with the partial seizures I am pondering more on this. I realize that a lot of what I talk about in the Walked with Angels blog can be depressing. No one likes to hear someone bitch, whine, and complain all the time. At the same time we are incredibly blessed and I am unsure if I convey that well. I’ll have to go back and read to see as I can’t remember what I wrote for the most part.

But on the other side of the coin is one of the purposes I have for this blog. That is to illustrate the problems that come with a traumatic brain injury, to raise awareness of this. Then there is the fact that this is a daily journal of our life and the reality is it is not easy. We are poor by most standards though there are many who are in worse shape. In revealing this it is not my goal to gain sympathy at all. Having experienced a dramatic change in life circumstances, going from a successful and respected business owner to being a homeless man wandering with only part of his mind has given me a glimpse of a world few who read this have seen. Not only do I desire to raise awareness of brain injury but I wish to illustrate the strength and will of many who’s lives are a daily struggle. Actually that doesn’t hold true to this blog. It is a desire I have but this will require another avenue to accomplish, perhaps a book. Again I have desires and visions that may never be done.

But I ramble so back to thoughts on this blog. Yes things have not been a paved road for us but the blessings we get on the way are better exemplified when shown with the hardships. You see white better when it is on a black background. America loves the story of triumph against impossible odds, of good overcoming evil. In my imagination I like to think our lives touch on that. I picture myself as a man who refuses to give up, as a man who prevails over that which would mire him in a mud of despair. I know I don’t even come close to what others have overcome but still think this is a better way to view and approach life.

So a simple perceived invitation spurs these thoughts. That is the power of being accepted, of someone saying “We like you, we want to include you”.

I know it is a bit of a dig but say it in the hope of spurring improvement. It is a shame we haven’t felt this from some in Stanton. Not all, just some. I hope you will learn to better open up and include others who will be new in this community, to show the love of Jesus up close and personal, not from a safe distance.
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Had a short slowdown. Only lasted about a half hour. It came with a headache as they often do and that promises to be around a little longer.

I worked on the living room, sanding down where I had patched the drywall. As I feared some of the tape didn’t stick and the plaster on top was too thin so the sander went through to it. Didn’t look pretty. I’ll have to play with it some. But for the most part the walls are ready to paint. The windows will take more work. I’ll have to scrape the loose paint and put masking tape on.

I’m having to work to remember what else I did this afternoon. Can’t come up with anything other than playing with the puppies and taking pictures of them. Pretty tired from the slowdown and the headache is still there but it never got real bad, just stayed lurking, threatening to get worse but not doing so.

So here’s some pictures of our kids. It’s time to go to sleep. We’re going to get them out from under the bed and to the puppy room for the night. Cherie picked up a baby gate we can use to confine them. Night all.

Stormy morning

6/15/07 Friday
It was a stormy morning as we caught the edge of a thundercloud heading towards Big Spring. I didn’t get much sleep as the puppies were carrying on underneath the bed. Finally I coaxed them out one at a time and carried them to the puppy room and locked them in. Of course this morning they were clamoring to get out but that’s always fun as they bounce with their joy to see us. We lifted them on the bed and got our puppy kisses then bee lined them out the door to go potty.

I just finished signing the father’s day card Cherie picked up for me yesterday. Put a note in it that said “I wasn’t the best son but you’re the only dad I’ve got”. I also said that my brother, Larry, told me that dad was afraid I wanted to sue him and that I never had that in mind. Wrote that I would be willing to sign any document he wished to alleviate that concern.

To fill you new readers in I guess the best word to describe my relationship with my dad would be “estranged”. I probably should look that up but it feels right. I left home at fourteen and came to live with my grandmother on this farm. We rarely talked and the conversations were short. I was a constant disappointment and it wasn’t until I was a successful business man that he began to open up a little. When I had the accident my ex called him and, as is typical, told him a story that made me look bad and her the victim in the divorce that was finalized the day before the wreck.

Oh she told the story good, how I was a heroin addict, how I fooled around with many women, and I am sure a few other juicy things she invented. She somehow failed to mention how I had caught her performing a sex act on her now live in lover in the parking lot of the mall she worked at. Evidently the social worker at the hospital informed my dad that I was withdrawing from heroin as well.

So when I tried to call him from my brother’s place in St Louis my mom picked up the phone. Dad came by and hearing it was me got on and yelled “Don’t you ever call here again”. At this early stage of my brain injury emotional control was non existent so I went off. I asked if he still had the box I made for him some years ago and then told him that if he didn’t want anything to do with me send the box back. Inside I had hoped he would want to keep it but he said “I’ll get it right out” and hung up. That was in 2002 and the last conversation I have had with him. It is my belief that my brother is filling dad’s head full of poison for he tried to do that with my grandmother, trying to convince her to leave me this old beat up house and him all the land. What a snake.

So father’s day is a tough time for me. I’ll send an E mail with pictures of the puppies to my two boys for father’s day as they don’t send anything to me. That’s to be expected after the nasty divorce I had with their mom. It got real unpleasant and unfortunately they were dragged into the conflict.

So that’s my start. I must have worked the wrist too hard yesterday as holding the mug of coffee is pretty painful. Suppose I should put the brace on. Not real happy right now. A little down thinking about dad. I’ll work through it as I always do.
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It’s 1:30. Cherie is off to Midland to do laundry and pick up a few things. She was probably glad to get out of the house cause I can be unpleasant when going through emotional issues like it being fathers day. I got to work on the living room at last. Am putting the plaster stuff and tape on the corner that is a big open crack as well as some of the other cracks and nail holes. I got good at this when I did the office, kitchen, and back room, but as is frustratingly usual must relearn it all over again. Not sure if what I did will work. Put the drywall joint stuff on the corner trying to work it in. That was hard. I know there is some slick way to do it with the spatula scraper thing but I had to work at it. By the time I got ready to put the joint tape over the plaster it was drying and I spread it to thin in some places. I added water to the plaster stuff and slathered it on pretty thick. Time will tell if this works. Right now I am getting that dizziness and ringing ears that tell me a partial seizure is here. That will let the plaster dry so I can sand it down. I need to look up the squash I planted to see when it’s ready to harvest. Some of it looks like it’s there. Probably should fix something to eat. Got to eat by the clock when you don’t feel hunger. Pretty tired also.
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It is now 3:23. I am running at a four on the bob scale. That’s pretty slow but not too bad. I’ve been a lot worse. The headache is up there, not migraine level but not fun. I took a couple of aspirin. I would take a pain pill but can’t remember when I took the last one so won’t. Try to be pretty careful with them. Hard to believe I used to take this stuff by the handful but that is exactly why I am so careful. Don’t want to fall into that trap.

The stuff I used on the wall is still not dry after two hours. I looked on the pail and it is called all purpose joint compound. I seemed to remember it drying much faster but my memory is proven to not be reliable. I resisted the desire to take a nap…I think I did. I remember fixing, heating up something Cherie had gotten out of the freezer for me. Don’t remember what it’s called but it had round noodles and a red tomato sauce with hamburger in it. It was good. As I write I am trying to recollect what I did for the last two hours.

I went to look up the squash in this laptop but discovered I didn’t put a thing in it. Not a word about squash. I went out to the garage and got the seed box. I saved all the packages the seeds came in and they often have information about harvesting. It appears that the only thing ready to harvest is called Early Prolific Straightneck. I brought two of them in.

Cherie just came home. I can always get a better idea of how slow I am when I interact with someone. Pretty rough but I still put it at a four. She gave me some of the dark chocolate she bought last week. I like dark chocolate.

I put big rocks in and around the puppy pool. Figure it will make it easier for them to get used to it. I need to rest whether I want to or not.
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It has been a hard day. Had to push to get anything done and that wasn’t much. Still a little slow. The anger is a constant struggle at times like this. The puppies again trashed the flower beds I had planted for Cherie. I put up some fencing with the stuff I scavenged from the landfill. The plastering job doesn’t look too good. I don’t feel like writing any more so good night.

Morning has risen

This morning's sunrise

6/14/07 Thursday
Morning has risen and so did we at the urging of the puppies. I was doing fine till they started digging in the flower bed, wiping out a sunflower and some other flowers that had just started coming up. Now I am angry and that is not a good thing for me. Anger is one of the biggest problems with the emotional control issues caused by the brain damage. Most of the emotions are controlled by the frontal lobes in the brain and those are some of the areas most damaged in me. The MRI’s show all kinds of dead spots there. If I don’t get involved doing something to focus my mind elsewhere it will be a problem. Some can’t or refuse to understand this thus judging me as if I was a normal person. This is one of the biggest problems brain injury survivors face daily.

TBI is sometimes referred to as the “unseen” illness because many of us appear quite normal on the outside. What others can’t see is the millions of severed neurons and totally dead areas that make it hard for our brains to not get confused and crossed up, especially when stress and strong emotions are involved. So some will sit back with their arms crossed and smugly pass judgment as if they are so wise and knowledgeable that they “Know” this guy is just being an ass or whatever else they have decided. “He’s not disabled. He’s just using this to get sympathy, to get money and help out of us” are the kinds of things said. I have to wonder what is thought of me at the first church of Stanton, what is said as I am discussed in private conversations. Do some there judge me despite never having taken the time to even talk to me or get to know me? Without any conversation from anybody there I can only guess at what is said or thought of me. And the information I have to guess with is simply the lack of any communication, not even a phone call. Ah yes, the love of Jesus demonstrated so loudly I can’t hear a thing. Sorry, like I said there is lots of anger inside. Depression is often not far behind.

I would love to be able to write that I am wrong. In fact I really want to. But others like Janie and Eric have stepped in and helped much by just being available to talk. That is all I have asked for, never asked for gifts or money though they have been generous in that area. I even told the whole Sunday school group in Stanton that I would gladly go without food or hot water in exchange for conversation because I feared they thought I was a mooch or bum.

I think I need to go work on the garden to settle down a bit.
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Well I went to the garden. And I did what I usually do which is work till I hurt and keep going. I made up a batch of insecticide soap and sprayed it on the corn and the green beans I have planted in the corn. I read on the net and possibly the Mother Earth News magazine we just got our first copy of, that some kinds of soap are not good for this and may actually harm the plants. Cherie brought home a bar of Zote soap that Amy uses to make her home made laundry soap. It contains only a few ingredients unlike the other stuff which has a long list. That is probably better.

After spraying the corn and beans I hit the sunflowers, which I noticed was infested with aphids, and the rows of other beans that seem to be going great guns. After that I went through the corn, carefully squirting mineral oil in the corn silks and removing a few of the corn worms I found. I also pulled some weeds and did a lot of hoeing. As I did this my thoughts remained on how we, or at least me, didn’t seem to be accepted at first church of Stanton. I wondered if some thought I was one of those people who is scamming the system to get a disability check. I know I surprised a couple of them when I lifted items and unloaded and split the firewood that was brought over. Perhaps they don’t understand that my disability isn’t a physical one though, having broke my back, neck, and being partly paralyzed I have some problems. Mostly pretty bad pain that I aggravate by pushing too hard. If it wasn’t for the pain pills I wouldn’t be doing a lot of things. I really don’t know, I just want them to like me but am not good at things like that.

So I’m taking a break to let the pain subside a bit before I go back out. It’s time to run to the landfill with the garbage so I’ll check mail after that. Cherie is running to Midland to get some stuff. We are down to fifty bucks till her check comes next week but that’s not bad at all. Her job is over till the next survey so it’s time to tighten up. We are good at that but greatly enjoy these periods of what I will call plenty where we can go to a restaurant and pick up a few things extra that we like at the store.

Cherie bought an electric can opener at Walfart that was on sale for the incredibly low price of $6.00. That’s because it’s an incredibly crappy piece of junk that wouldn’t open the can of coffee we first tried it on. So that’s going back and we will get a good hand unit. We’ve been using a cheap device that doubles as a bottle opener but it was painful to use and finally bit the dust. We are going to start avoiding Walfart because we have consistent problems with their made in China stuff. I was getting groceries and noticed the garlic was imported from China. Put that back right away. There is no telling what kind of chemicals were used on it.

The puppies continue to brighten our lives. Rascal seems to be attaching to me, which works out because he is more the outside dog, and Trixie is becoming mama’s little girl. They are starting to chew on electric cords so we will have to address that. There is only one plug in our bedroom which is where the television and all kinds of stuff are so there are extension cords and power strips all over the place. The power strips all have circuit breakers on them so that helps keep things safe. I think I’ll dig up a strip of carpet to lay on top of the cords. Right now there is a towel over the main power strip so that covers a bunch of cords.

Sitting up to write on this laptop is killing the back so I’m gonna finish this and get walking around which helps a lot.
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OK, it’s 9:00 PM now so what did I do with the rest of the day? I went to the landfill and got rid of the garbage that was getting ripe in this West Texas heat. Of course I had to look around to see if there was anything I could make use of. Like they say “One mans trash is another mans treasure”. I picked up some more of the wire fencing that there is always a lot of. Used up a bunch of what I picked up last time making the tomato cages.

Oh but that wasn’t the real find. Look at this. It’s my new puppy pool. All it needed was a plug for the drain hole so I sanded down a piece of wood and added a little silicone caulk. Works great. Getting the pool home was a bit of an adventure. I threw it on top of the ladder rack of my truck and wrapped a tie down around it. On the way home I stopped at the pond I got permission to cut firewood at to see if the water level was low enough for me to get in. It was drying out fairly well. When I went back to the truck I saw that the pool was gone. Nuts. It flew off somewhere on the way home. Where? I went through Stanton and picked up the mail, then headed up the main drag on the way to the house.

Time to back track. Just hope it didn’t hit someone or cause a wreck. I got lucky. It had blown off about a mile down the road. I put it back on and tied it up better, or so I thought. So I headed merrily back down the road. I heard a noise and looking in the mirror saw that the pool was gone again. Ok, spin around and go back to find it. Tied it on again and this time drove at about forty instead of seventy miles an hour. Made it home with the pool still on top.

I filled the pool halfway and put a stone in it and one on the outside so it would be easier for the puppies to get in and out. I knew that after the trauma of their first bath they might not hanker to getting in the water real quick. Yep, I’m pretty smart. This will take some time so I am working on getting them familiar with this tub. Rascal has taken a drink out of it so that’s a start.

So the puppies have a pool. After that I did something I don’t remember but ended the day spending a few hours harvesting the winter wheat. That will be another post.

A busy day

6/13/07 Wednesday
It’s humid outside as all the moisture from the last few days makes it’s way back into the atmosphere. I went out and Dippel dusted the corn and beans, pulling a few weeds in the process. Found some different recipe’s for insecticide soap that I want to try. There was a mention about how only certain soaps really work well. Nuts. I would rather make my own to save money and on principle so I’ll have to learn what is correct.

Cherie is rushing to get ready for us to take the puppies to the vet. She is ecstatic about how much easier and quicker it is to get her hair ready. “Look at my hair. Isn’t it cute. It’s already done” she said with a huge smile as I walked past the bathroom. Works for me.

It will be a busy day and I hope I stay fairly sharp. I didn’t sleep at all last night and finally took one of the over the counter sleep aids at 3:00 this morning. Didn’t phase me so I stayed awake and eventually heard Cherie’s phone alarm as did the puppies also. Then it was “Whine, Whine” scratch at the door of the puppy room to greet us. Got to go to the vet now.
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Jimmy Patterson just left. Oh how talking with someone stimulates my mind and how I love it when that happens. He was here about an hour and a half and regretted having to make another appointment but we covered a lot of ground. He will be having a photographer come out to take some pictures later. What did we talk about? Our lives are so rich with stories there was no way to cover it all but mostly he focused on the love story and how brain injury was an integral part of it.

When Jimmy left my mind was racing with things to write and do but now it is drained a little so I might need to rest a bit. He asked if I could E mail him with any other information I could think of and there will be. I want to send him stuff about brain injury in order to help raise awareness of TBI. Think I’ll nap a little and gather thoughts later. That’s right, I didn’t get any sleep last night so that’s why I am so tired.
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It is 3:34 and I am waking from a fitful sleep. I am a little slow, running a 5 on the bob scale. Also a little short as I ask Cherie what she has planned and also what I need to be doing. When I am slow I just want simple answers to simple questions and Cherie, in trying to cover all the bases starts reading into what I ask. Example: When I asked “Did I eat?” she says yes and asks if I am hungry. She caught that as she knows I don’t feel the sensation of hunger then starts detailing how she would heat up something for me. I just simply don’t remember if I ate and want to make sure I did.

There is so much I am processing regarding the interview and impending newspaper article on us. The comprehension I have regarding the power such an article can have spurs me to think on what information to send to Jimmy. I see this as an opportunity to increase awareness and perhaps understanding of traumatic brain injuries. But there is also the inspirational story of the love Cherie and I have and how our marriage was restored. So here I am trying to write the story for Jimmy, go figure. Jimmy asked if I had a job or was able to work. That is a hard question to answer in some ways but I think I did well. But it got me thinking. One of the things I can do is write so perhaps I should pursue something in that arena.

Went to the Wednesday night dinner thing at the first church of Stanton. Been thinking about going for a while but wasn’t sure how I would be received. Still I didn’t want to just disappear or something and just lose all contact cause there are some good folks there. Peggy invited me to sit at their table. There was hardly anyone there, I suppose cause it’s summer or something. Talked with pastor Dave afterwards and brought up how I didn’t understand why we didn’t seem to feel accepted or something like that. He said he didn’t know what to tell me. We talked about squash, the garden, and he knows about the puppies so I suppose that means he reads the blog. It is nice to think he cares enough to do so. I let him know that he could stop and visit anytime he wanted. Dave also knows we are going to the first church of Midland. I told him we have been befriended by some folks who met us on the blog and invited us there.

The rest of yesterday

It's 12:30 in the morning and I am just getting around to finishing this up so here is the rest of tuesday's entry

Jimmy Patterson just called. He will be coming over at 10:30 tomorrow. I just called Cherie, who is on her way to Midland, to let her know. That way I won’t forget. Had to reboot this computer cause it was tying up. I was trying to log onto the Mt. Sinai website for the traumatic brain injury study I have been asked to participate in. I can feel a slowdown coming as I sometimes can. Hope it’s an easy one.
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It was a real short slow down as they can sometimes be. Only lasted a few minutes. After that I loaded the old air conditioner we had removed in order to install the new evaporative unit Steve and Janie bought for us, in the truck. I also put the three water bottles that needed to be refilled in. Then it was off to Habitat for Humanity’s Restore where I donated the air conditioner. I checked to see if they had any refrigerators or a breaker box but they didn’t. Knowing Cherie was in town getting her hair cut I gave her a call to see if she was done and wanted to go to Rosa’s for their taco Tuesday special we like. She was just walking out the door and was enthused about her haircut and going to Rosa’s.

She was waiting in her car when I pulled in. The first thing I noticed wasn’t her new haircut but the big smile on her face and the bounce in her step as she came towards me. Oh the haircut looks great but the effect it has on Cherie was even better. What a glow she has. Then came the surprise part. I am having Cherie write about this so will wait to see what she puts down before saying more.

Just as I thought she wrote it well and her words say more than mine could so heeerre’s Cherie.

Cherie's Hairy day
I totally did the hair thing today. I’d been thinking about it for a while and it got to the point where I couldn’t stand it anymore – it just wouldn’t do anything except sit there on my head and be a mess. I asked one of my sisterfriends for some advice – and Ms. Janie suggested a couple of her favorite people for hair and trusting her judgment I called and made an appointment. Celeste at Traci’s in Midland was delightful, efficient and she thought I had a pretty thick accent!

That always catches me off guard and I find it funny, because I don’t think I have one. I keep trying to adapt to the vocal nuances of my new homeland, but fail miserably. I’m from the Midwest/Great Lakes area and will probably always sound like it. Besides when I try to talk “southern”, I seem to get the first half of a sentence sounding right, but then there’s some kind of glitch and that northern tone kicks in and I’m done. Actually, I have been referred to as a “Yankee”, which for some odd reason is hilarious. I don’t know what that means, or if it’s meant to be mean or if it’s a cultural thing so I just laugh. Oh well. I think I would prefer “Buckeye Rose”. Maybe not.

OK - back to my hair story – Celeste started cutting and we discussed what I wanted, which was basically “wash n’ wear” hair. She cut it a bit, messed with it, thinned it, and cut some more. I have a lot of hair and it was everywhere. We discussed style and color and I told her of my exploits in the land of “do-it-yourself” hair color. When I asked how much it would cost, she replied “Well, we’ll would sit down and discuss it”. WHAT?!? I didn’t say anything – what was there to discuss – I could either afford it or not.

Now I was wondering how much the cut would be and was getting concerned. I budgeted about $70 for the cut, hoping it wouldn’t be over $85.00 (which I’ve paid before). She finally gave in and told me if I decided to go with color, and seeing all the gray roots it was a no-brainer, that Ms. Janie would cover the cost – all I had to do was pay for the cut, which I still wasn’t sure about. Truthfully, Celeste did have a pricelist on her table, but I had my contacts in (vanity defense here), and couldn’t see it enough to read it! Figures. While I was under the hairdryer, Celeste gave me a choice of magazines and I choose an art one, knowing I could just look at the pictures. As usual, I was amazed at the generosity I had been receiving, and wondering what I could do to return such a favor and Celeste said it’s because of Jesus and I can’t. She may be right. When we were just about done, Celeste had to finish quickly as she had to go pick up one of her kids, and she was apologetic as she didn’t have time to style my new ‘do. That was fine with me as I prefer to do it myself anyway. Then she leaned down and said “You don’t have to worry about paying - Janie took care of you for today. And then I’m sitting there in that chair - fighting back the tears – AGAIN! So I got up thanked her, and left. Bob had called and as I left we made plans to meet up at Rosa ’s for “Taco Tuesday”. YUMMMMM.

There is a big round clock on the wall in Traci’s Salon with a scripture plaque above it. It’s from Psalm 138:8 – “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love Oh Lord, endures forever, do not abandon the works of your hands.” Now, when I looked this up in my bible, this was underlined with a date next to it – 9/12/97. I was living in Phoenix, Arizona then.........hummmmm

That’s all folks. Tomorrow will be a busy day so I’ll probably not get to post much till later but you never know with me.

Grey morning

6/12/07 Tuesday
It is a grey morning with a steady flow of light rain coming down. That will be good for the seeds I planted yesterday but won’t help the farmers who need to get in their fields. When I was taking Cherie to meet farmers for the survey there were acres of land still underwater.

Yesterday we gave the pups their first baths. You would have thought we were murdering them from the wails they made. We mostly wanted to reduce the flea population as they are not old enough for the flea powders that we were able to find. This morning they were out in the rain to do their morning duties. Rascal was right out in it without hesitation but Trixie pussyfooter her way into the drizzle. Once there she was fine. They’ve been rolling in the mud so we will have to towel that off when they come in.

The fridge has been getting worse as far as it freezing things in the keep cool part goes. When Cherie went to make eggs for breakfast they were all frozen. I finally took the thermostat control off to look at it. There is something rattling loose inside so odds are it’s toast. I went online earlier and saw them running about $90.00. Whoa, that’s steep. I’ll do some more looking around now that I have the part out and have the part number. Perhaps I can find something used or some other kind of solution. Habitat for Humanities Restore has lots of appliance stuff though I doubt fridge thermostats will be there. We could probably buy a used fridge for the price of a thermostat.

Cherie will go to Midland today. She will be getting her hair cut at 1:00 or so but will do some shopping and perhaps laundry first. This will be a good day for me to do some patch work in the living room. I also have been thinking about breaking my wood carving tools out and getting back into that love that has laid dormant for nearly a year now. The ten commandments plaques I was making for someone at the Cedar Creek church remain unfinished. I lost my inspiration when we were rejected so soundly by this church where we were married and had been excited to be involved with. I suppose this is a factor in our sensitivity concerning the first church of Stanton. Where is this “love of Jesus” they all talk about but seem to practice selectively. You know, love the ones you want to but shun the rest. How can they be so blind and why does the shepherd not guide the sheep in the right though more difficult way?

So it’s time to get moving. I do need to work on the other blog where I can talk, teach, and even preach on these things.
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Seems like there is no getting around it. The cheapest price I find for the thermostat is $83.00. Will run up to Restore today to check out what they have.
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I wonder

6/11/07 Monday
It’s 11:30. I just came in to take a break from the heat and add to this journal. In my mind I had already posted an entry for today and even thought I knew what I wrote. Opening the laptop I see it is not turned on and then remember turning it off last night. So it is another moment of confusion like so many others.

We got up at 4:30 this morning and were out the door by 6:00. Cherie was able to catch the one farmer she had agreed to meet with by phone. We got close to where he would be and Cherie called him on the cell phone. He asked where we were and came out to meet us. Cherie went through the interview on the highway. I had pulled off the road for Cherie to call but the farmer just pulled up and parked his truck in the middle of the highway, getting out to go through this stuff on the hood of our truck. That’s West Texas country. Yesterday we were going down a two lane highway when we saw the SUV that had passed us earlier stopped and having a conversation with another truck that had been traveling the other direction. They were both in their respective lanes, just pulled up close with their windows rolled down and discussing the weather or whatever, not at all concerned they were blocking both lanes of traffic. Course there was no traffic and when they saw us coming up they started moving. It’s a relaxed world out here.

So Cherie was able to see another farmer but the third was not to be found. All in all it was a good day. I went out to check on the well, battening everything down. Was just making tomato cages before I came in. The last time I think I made them too small and this time they may be to large. Perhaps next time they will be just right. Kind of like the fable of the three bears.

I’ve got a splitting headache so took two aspirin. The Hydrocodone doesn’t touch headaches, just muscle and joint pain, so aspirin is the best medicine. The first church of Stanton has been plaguing my thoughts for days now as I wonder what happened there, wonder what they think or say about me, wonder why, wonder where their Jesus is in all this, wonder about what happened with their plans to come out and help with things, wonder why nothing happened, wonder why no one has visited or talked, just wonder.

I am tired and should take a nap.
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Never took the nap. Joe called and said he would be here by two and he was. I went out and worked on garden stuff. Mostly made more tomato cages and put them around the plants that have survived. Then I wrapped plastic around them to provide some wind protection. I am in the middle of a slow down so came in. will post this and probably zone out.

Nice storm, Nice storm, Be good

6/10/07 Sunday
I’m pretty thick headed this morning. No, that doesn’t mean stubborn, in my case it is a physical description of how the head feels though I have been known to be stubborn. I am running a five on the bob scale but that should improve as I get moving. Took the puppies out for their morning duties just in time. No sooner were they done when it started raining in earnest.

Cherie has lots of work that must be finished for her boss to pick up tomorrow so won’t make to church this morning. I’m going to try my best to get there but won’t unless I am sharper. I don’t do as well when Cherie is not with me because her presence supplies a security that reduces the stress which is a big factor in the slow downs.

It’s storming pretty good now with lightening striking pretty close. This keys open the memory that I had uncovered the well to examine it when the power went out but forgot to go cover it back up as I had intended. Now I suspect the plastic 55 gallon drum cut to fit over it will be gone, blown across the fields to end up who knows where.

I’ve cleared up so must rush to get ready for church.
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Well I never did go check the well. This is unfortunately not unusual with me. Despite writing about it and having every intention to do so on top of it being a very important thing to do in order to protect the $3,000 dollars worth of well, I forgot. That’s one of the reasons they have me on disability. I had Cherie write a big note and tape it on her computer screen to remind me to get this done. It is next to the other notes to remind me of what I need to do like clean the cat litter.

Church was great. It’s too bad Cherie had to work and couldn’t make it cause they had a special presentation with an artist that she would have loved. Sunday school was good also. I was amazed when one of the ladies remembered that my birthday was June 8. There were many who asked about Cherie and made it clear how happy they were I had come back. Eric’s wife said hello and had to tell me her name again. It is unfortunate that I don’t recognize faces well but that’s just part of the TBI. Even Eric’s face didn’t click in my mind with any speed despite my seeing him several times but it’s getting better. If I saw him walking in a store I wouldn’t really notice but I was looking for him in the Sunday school class.

I ran Cherie to see a farmer whom we had missed the other day. Cherie had talked to his wife who happened to know Janie. The farmer called around five or six to let her know it was a good time to come up so we hopped in the truck and scooted on up there. Tomorrow we will be getting up at 4:30 so we can make a forty five minute drive to meet three more farmers. That will be the last of them and Joe will come by to pick up the paperwork later in the day. This will be the end of the survey.

Bugs are getting pretty bad now. With all the bad windows and damaged screens there is little to keep them out. Plus with all the rain the population is way up there. We are keeping lights on only when absolutely needed as they attract the flying pests at night. I don’t know what these small little wasps are but one stung Cherie yesterday. She felt something on her neck and went to swat it.

I went online and learned how to make a soap insecticide. Nothing too it. A tablespoon of dish soap in a cup of cooking oil. You put three tablespoons of that into a quart of water. There was a pump up sprayer I found tucked in a corner of the garage that still works so used it to spray this mix on the corn. Good thing it was out of sight or it would have gotten stolen along with everything else “Friends and relatives” helped themselves to. Virginia kept telling me “There was nothing of value” in the house as if it was ok to take what wasn’t worth much. Bullshit. I don’t care if they stole garbage. It didn’t belong to them and when you take something that doesn’t belong to you, you are a thief no matter how you dress it up.

There is a deep anger there that I don’t need to awaken so I think I’ll just say “Night all”

Off and running

6/9/07 Saturday
We are off and running but not running as we thought. Cherie’s boss, Joe, came by and worked with her yesterday. They spent allot of time going through how to do paperwork and other details of the job. Cherie’s problem is that her personality makes it hard for her to do anything that she thinks inconveniences them. This comes from a lifetime of being scolded and made to feel guilty for every little thing. I talked to Joe for a bit and he let Cherie know that it would be OK for me to travel with her. I have been offering to do this for sometime figuring my presence will strengthen her confidence. I also talked to Joe about the possibility of me working for NASDA. I think I can handle the cotton surveys they do every year. It only takes a week at the end of every month and I can work it around the slowdowns. Besides I will be working by myself. Being around others has been the problem in the past but I think I have improved in that area though it is hard to tell in some circles. I get along great with Janie, Eric, and the gang but seem to have not done well at the first church of Stanton. That whole situation still puzzles me.

So I drove Cherie to a couple of places yesterday evening and that went well. I would sit in the truck while Cherie went to the door. She only got to see one of them. Seems the woman knows Janie. “She’s a firecracker” was her description of the Janie she knew years ago.

I am working on teaching Cherie some of the discipline needed to work this job, which is basically like being self employed. All her other jobs had a time clock and schedule. It is hard to transition to a job where you don’t have that and must be a “Self starter”. I had to learn all the tools necessary to do this starting with being an industrial sales rep and then having a series of sales jobs. Then, with Westbrook Marketing, I taught sales people and organizations these things. It is hard with Cherie as there are so many things around she can find to do thus not getting to the tasks needed for this job.

So we were going to get out the door at 7:00 for an appointment she had but she wasn’t ready on time and when she called it was too late. All the farmers are under the gun as Monday is D-day so to speak. Everything needs to be planted by then in order to meet government requirements for insurances so all of them are pushing hard from dawn to after dusk. Makes it hard to find time to talk with them.

She rescheduled with the guy so there are no other folks to go see today. I had Cherie write a schedule of what needs to be done and told her to pretend she is punching a clock at the job. Bending over I said “Bump the top of my head. That’s you punching the time clock. YOU’RE WORKING NOW”. I told her to schedule her breaks and to not allow herself to do other things while “on the clock”. She is even going to schedule doing things like paying bills and going shopping as well.

I got an E mail from Jimmy Patterson yesterday. I haven’t replied to it yet as I wanted to process things a bit. First I need to do a search of my E mail and the journal to refresh my memory about him. He has a blog or three and I am pretty sure I E mailed him from Toledo regarding us moving here. I’ll go check my memory now on it.

Yep, I E mailed him March 4 2006. Here is a copy of that post;

Jimmy Patterson, the guy in Texas I E-mailed this morning already responded. I think he will be a great asset for us as he already told me where God vacations and God lives down there. That kind of insider information you just can’t get anywhere. (Now I hope that wasn’t offensive to anyone. It was just a tongue in cheek expression he used regarding some great places to visit)

This journal makes for a great memory. So Jimmy was wondering if I would like to be interviewed for his blog. I need to look up which one that is. He told me in his E mail but of course I don’t remember as usual. That’s why I like things that are in writing. I’m gonna say yes. That doesn’t necessarily mean he will as things can come up that take precedence but the likelihood is high I feel. It wasn’t long ago that I said we have reached another pivotal moment in our lives and since then doors are opening and things are happening at a pace that seems rapid to me. A few years ago in this journal I remarked that I felt like a spectator watching as things unfold as if following a script written by that unseen hand that seems to be orchestrating things. I no longer feel like a spectator but a participant. As I said then I watch with fascination for what will happen next. Watch with me y’all. I bet it’s gonna be something else.

Time to get moving. We are heading in to Midland to get some needed items as scheduled by Cherie. Love the schedule thing.

Midland turned out to be a great time of fellowship but I’ll tell of that in a bit, first to one of the joys of country living. Actually it’s nothing different than what happens in the city except it happened out here so I can blame it on being out in the country. Gotta blame something.

So I get up from one of the sleeps I must have after a slow down and decide to go out and water the crops. The corn has been displaying some problems with top leaves drying up and dying so I get into it, pulling the leaves back and looking at their roots. Find several kinds of bugs and a few hoards of aphids. This organic farming makes bug control much harder, especially when I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’ve read all kinds of things to do but don’t remember them and many require buying stuff we can’t afford. I need to go back to research it and this time take notes on this laptop so I can pull them up when needed. One thing I’ve read involves spraying a soap mixture of some type. I did start using mineral oil yesterday but am unsure how much to put on.

So I have the hose out watering the beds recently seeded. It is critical to keep them damp as the seeds germinate. As I do so the water pressure slowly dwindles down to nothing. “Nuts” I think and trace the hose down to see if there is a kink somewhere. No kink so I go into the house and turn on the kitchen faucet. No water. “Nuts” graduates to “Damn”. Thoughts race through my head as I wonder if the well was shot out again or what and grabbing the keys I jump in the truck and race the half mile back to the well. There are no bullet holes, no pressure on the gauge, and pressing the reset button gets no response. Now I am pissed.

I get my cell phone out and call Leroy’s number that is listed on the well. It is hard to hear him through the static so after repeating myself he understands the well isn’t working and I am not happy. Leroy is in San Angelo at some kind of shindig he goes to once a year with several hundred people so says he won’t be able to look at it till maybe Sunday night. He invites me to attend this affair next year, which doesn’t mean a whole lot at the moment, and we end the conversation.

I go back into the house and discover that there is no power. Going outside I see that not a single one of the many oil wells we can see from the house is pumping so this is an area wide problem. I call Leroy back right away to let him know that this was the problem and not to worry about it. I’m going to be talking to him anyway about his charging me more for the smaller tank he put in but that will wait.

Well the power just came on as I was writing this so it was much to do about not much but I seem to be good at that.
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Back to Midland. We were in Lowe’s getting the fitting for the plastic line to the evaporative air unit when my phone rang. It was Janie. “Whatchyadoin” I heard and struggled to figure out who it was but it didn’t take long as I rarely get any calls except from her lately with their recent involvement with us. I told her we were in Lowe’s and she said she had just read we were coming on the blog so asked if we would like to meet someplace. I joked and said we could use a steak dinner and Cherie punched me in the ribs. Sometimes my jokes don’t fit right and come off wrong. I suppose this was one of those times. Cherie said I sounded like a mooch.

Anyway we are happy to meet Janie anywhere and time so let her know that. Janie says “Do you want to meet at Jorge’s (Not sure I spelled it right) or Buffalo Wings”. I’ve never been to either and don’t like making decisions so I put it in her lap “You decide”. We went around that circle a couple of times till she finally said “Jorge’s” and gave us directions on how to get there.

We find the place with no problem and get a table. Just as we were about to order Steve called Janie and decided to meet us here. Cool, that works. It didn’t take long for Steve to get there so we ordered lunch. Steve asked how I was doing on the bob scale and I let him know I was sharp and had been all day. I recounted some stories connected to my checkered past. One of them had to do with a small town in Alabama where they would set up chairs in the bank after hours to hold court. The judge sat behind the bank tellers counter.

As we talked I started having a hard time following what Steve was saying and everyone’s words kind of became a blur. I got quiet and Cherie, astute as always, asked if I was alright. I let her know I was having a slowdown. It progressed to the point I told Cherie she would have to drive. We let Steve and Janie know what was going on and they were familiar with it from reading this blog. With it came one of the bad headaches that can be debilitating. Steve had to go take care of some business so excused himself. Patting me on the shoulder he told me to take care and left.

Janie was concerned as you would imagine and offered to let me sleep on her couch or anything else she could think of to help. She asked if all the noise and commotion of the restaurant was causing the slow down. I told her that I didn’t know and these come without any reason you can pinpoint. I was about done for so we decided to call it a day. Janie had a dog cage she wanted to give us so we dropped by their house. There is some neat furniture they have picked up. She introduced Zack, their bird dog, to us. I’ve never been around a bird dog before and was amazed at Zack’s energy and speed. This guy practically climbs trees, running up the side of a trunk to about ten feet high and pushing off in almost a summersault to land on his feet.

By the way, I cleared up as Cherie followed Janie to her house. The headache was still growing in intensity and I was exhausted as I always am after a partial seizure. So Janie is one of the few who has seen the whole cycle of my being sharp to slowing down where my speech is affected, and then clearing up some. I suppose that is a dubious distinction and don’t know why I brought it up. I am tired despite sleeping a couple of hours when we got home but that’s not unusual. Night all.

Cognition

cog•ni•tion (k g-n sh n)
n. The mental faculty of knowing, which includes perceiving, recognizing, conceiving, judging, reasoning, and imagining
The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary

This is one of those words that can be hard to grasp. Cognitive difficulties is at the head of the list for issues with traumatic brain injuries so what really does that mean in day to day life? I can’t answer that for anyone but me for the word covers as wide an area as the word “everything”. When Eric and I were talking the other day we touched on this when I think I made the statement that if I was a drooling vegetable people would recognize I had a brain injury. Eric said “you seem normal to me” I think to support what I was saying. Fact is I do seem normal and that throws some people off.

What brought this up was a problem I just had while watering the corn. It is great to have the hose now be able to reach beyond the corn patch as a result of the extra hose Jib and Jab brought to put in the air conditioner. So as I water I pull weeds, being careful with where the water is spraying as I kneel to do so. I was careful to thread the hose down the path because I have accidentally mowed over plants with it in the past. Not once but several times. Then as I water I see more weeds and, forgetting, I pulled the hose across six or eight young corn plants as I head for the new weeds. OH Was I Pissed at myself. I cussed myself out in no uncertain terms for repeating this mistake I have made before. This mistake I was conscious of making and determined not to do again. So I carefully threaded the hose again so as to reach this spot and get the weeds in addition to watering a different area. And I did it again. This is the part of cognition where you are aware of what is going on around you. I repeatedly step on young plants because, as I focus on something, I am unaware of where my foot is going. With the hose all it takes is for my mind to see some weeds for it to forget about the hose in my hand.

One of the things Eric and I talked about is how everyone does stuff like this. We all have gone into a room and forgot what we came in for. The difference is I go through it steadily all day long and despite being aware of needing to be careful still repeat the same mistake. So this is an illustration of one aspect of cognitive difficulties.

My computer just hiccupped. I had to restore it to June 4 in order to get it to go online as somehow half of the programming to use my PC card disappeared. It should work now. I lost much of what I wrote previously on cognitive difficulties. Don’t feel up to trying to do it all again.

Start with a sting

6/8/07 Friday
No sense starting my birthday out without a little bang. Our routine in the morning is to get the puppies outside the minute we open the door to the front porch, what we now call the “puppy room”. There I run with them and congratulate every expellation of bodily waste with the enthusiasm of a sports fan when his team makes a miraculous touchdown. “Oh yeah!!! GOOD JOB!!!”. I run and they scamper after me, turning summersaults each time they misstep. My aim is to get them exercise but the reality is I get short of breath and they wonder why I stopped. But it is such fun.

I sat down on the steps as they continued, with enthusiasm, to investigate and get into everything on the veranda. Trixie goes for the food bowl and I can hear her scooting it over the bricks as I watch Rascal play. Then I hear a loud Yelp Yelp from Trixie and turn to see what happened. It was loud enough and of such a different tone that Cherie, the consummate mom, came running out saying “What’s wrong”. Trixie hobbles to me with her front paw raised. I figured she got into another sticker so pick her up and look. When I didn’t see anything but she continued her cry’s I looked at the food bowl and saw a scorpion with it’s tail curled to sting. “That’s what happened” it dawned on me.

Now it’s panic time for mom. “What do we do?” she anxiously asks and I really don’t have an answer. For us adults we just take the stinging pain till it goes away but for puppies it’s an area I am clueless about. “Go online and see” I told her as we brought the whimpering puppy in. I comforted Trixie as Cherie brought her laptop in and typed “scorpion sting puppy” into Google. The site she first looked at was not encouraging as it described the potential death of a puppy from a scorpions venom. Trixie was settling down, crawling under a pillow to feign sleep and Cherie was unsettling. I too was worried after reading this online account. We called the vet and left a message on her machine as it was just barely 7:00. Dr. Law called back in about three minutes and reassured Cherie that things should be just fine unless there was a rare strong allergic reaction. “Just relax” she said “This is just the start. They’re going to be getting lots of stings as they grow up”. We are both much more at ease now.

Carman kitty came up on the bed while the puppies were zoned. This is the first time he has approached them and sniffing the air with trepidation he inched closer. Cherie, fearing he would attack, put her arm around him and told him reassuringly “That’s alright. They’re puppies. They won’t hurt you”. It didn’t take long for Carmen to decide he had gotten close enough to these invaders of his domain so he took off to places he didn’t have to see or hear these guys.

So that’s the start of the day. There is a cold front in so I want to go out and continue putting mulch around the plants in the garden. Unfortunately I am suddenly getting the can’t keep my eyes open tired that is sometimes the onset of a partial seizure or the mental fatigue issue that plagues me. I pushed hard last night, mulching till after dark when I could no longer see what I was doing. Kinda afraid to go look at what I did now that it’s daylight. The beans I planted are springing up aggressively. Caterpillars are quickly discovering these delicious morsels so it’s time to spread more of the sulfur around the borders to reduce this incursion.

Time to get moving, thus fighting the tiredness that is trying to seduce me back to bed.

Got up early

6/7/07 Thursday
It’s 2:00 already. Got up early and fixed breakfast for Cherie. When we were in Toledo I was pretty much the house husband and did the cooking and cleaning. I kinda miss doing that. Anyway, Cherie is working this job so I thought I would fix a nice breakfast to help her get moving. I did the grocery shopping yesterday when I was in Midland and picked up the DVD’s from Eric. I picked up some of the biscuits in a can you can bake and fixins for making omelets.

It was good as I am a fair cook. Fact is I taught Cherie much of what she knows when it comes to cooking. I always cook too much as I was used to cooking for the other wife and her two growing kids. So Cherie was stuffed.

I’ve been out working on the garden all day. Planted the flowers Cherie wanted in the front beds and started whittling down the ends of garden hoses. In order to put in the drip feed irrigation I picked up a variety of old garden hose at the landfill. Most of them are too big to fit in the connectors but one size seemed to be just right but a little loose. I put silicone caulk on them with the hope that would seal everything up. Nope. Despite carefully keeping the water turned low one of the hoses blew out of the connector yesterday. Thus I watered the path between rows for a couple of hours till I went back there to turn the system off. So what I am doing is taking my razor knife and carefully removing about a sixteenth of an inch of material off the end of the bigger hoses in order to create a tight fit.

We couldn’t go online this morning. No matter what we tried the PC aircard would show a message saying the password was invalid. I tried calling Alltel’s customer service for an hour or two without getting through so I finally called the office we bought the aircard at. Still got the “If you’re calling for ------ press 3” and ended up back on the “All our representatives are busy now. Please wait and your call will be answered whenever someone feels like it” hold. This was an improvement on the other calls I made for with them it was just silence. This time I got to listen to something called music. I think that’s what it’s called but I am sure there are other names for it. I put the phone on speaker and went back to doing something constructive.

Someone came on the line fortunately just before I was going to hit the bathroom. Otherwise I would be angrily throwing toilette paper rolls out the bathroom door at the phone. It seems that Alltel’s internet system had gone down on a national level so it’s no wonder getting a hold of customer service was so hard. It was comforting to know that in a way cause my mind was conjuring up ideas that someone had hacked in our account and changed the passwords or equally ridiculous scenarios. It was cleared up about an hour later so we’re good to go now.

I came in when Cherie came out to tell me she had fixed lunch. It is great to come into a house that is nice and cool. It is great to have friends who are people of compassion, who are friends in deed not just in words. I know it might get a little…there’s a word for it but I can’t think of it now but basically you might get tired of hearing me talk about this all the time. I really don’t care cause I write what’s on my heart and right now I am feeling pretty grateful.

I’m gonna get this posted and get back to work outside. Kind of tired as I usually am at this time of day but I didn’t water the squash last night and saw it is hurting pretty bad from the lack of water. I need to start getting the mulch I bought around the plants as that will go a long way in preserving the water and keeping the soil temperature down.
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I worked hard today. Slowed down a lot since 6:00. We went to Sonic for the free root beer float special they had tonight. Cherie had to drive cause I wasn’t up to it. That’s all I’m going to write. Slowdowns drain me so time to sleep.

Been busy

6/6/07 Wednesday
Been busy all day and Cherie has as well. Highlight of the day for me was stopping by Eric’s to pick up the DVD’s he made of the two VCR tapes I had. One was a news story on one of my companies in 1992 and the other is the Toledo’s John Doe story ABC did on me when I had amnesia. It is the one Cherie saw that brought us back together. I want to figure out how to put them on the blog.

We talked for an hour or so about a little of this and a little of that. It’s good to talk and always helps me sort things out.

What else? I’m sure lots of things but not much comes to mind. I made tomato cages out of the wire fencing I scavenged at the landfill. I am still paying the price for loading all that stuff on the truck and probably will for a few days. If it wasn’t for the pain meds I wouldn’t have been able to do much of anything. Took one so I will be able to go to sleep tonight.

Maybe I’ll remember more of today tomorrow. Don’t know. Here’s a picture of the puppies and tonight’s sunset.

Groggy morning but I'll have a good day cause I said so

6/5/07 Tuesday
It is another groggy morning like yesterday was. I told Cherie that it is like I am on drugs from a physical standpoint. Or perhaps a small hangover. Perhaps I had a partial seizure during the night. It is curious how different areas are affected, sometimes it is my mental agility, sometimes it is control of the right side of my body, and this morning it is things like my balance along with the pressure in my head. If I closed my eyes I would fall over. The brain is operating at it’s average of a seven on the bob scale.

I will run to Lowe’s this morning to find what I need to run the water line under the house to the air conditioner. After that I’ll stop at Walfart to get some mineral oil to use on the corn and a couple more items Cherie has on her list. I’ll see if I can pick up her medication at the pharmacy but am not sure if I can. It would save her a trip up there. I also need a belt as the one I picked up at a thrift shop in Toledo is worn out. I’ve lost so much weight and gut since we moved to this farm that I added three holes to cinch it up tight. It’s loose again.

That’s it for now. The puppies are springing forward at an amazing rate and getting more adventurous and confident along with moving faster. It won’t be long till keeping up will be a challenge.

It’s 9:30 and the end of my day. Let’s see if I can recount the day. I can’t remember if Cherie went to work or not this morning but I did make it to Midland where my first stop was Walfart to get Cherie’s prescription. That was not the problem Cherie thought it would be. I just told them her name and they looked on the computer and went to a shelf where it was packed and waiting. I’ve been needing a belt and remembered I planed on getting one here so went and picked one out.

Cherie made a list of things for me to get while I was out but there were only two things on it and one of them could only be gotten at the HEB grocery store. That is an organic soda pop she had tried at one of those sample stands stores put up. It was great so she brought three flavors home for me to try. Good stuff and the flavors are so intense I poured it in a glass of tea half and half and that worked well. Kind of a flavored tea with a fizz. The other thing on the list was mineral oil that Phelan over at Homesteading Neophyte suggested to keep the worms out of my corn so I figured I’d get both at HEB.

Never did make it there. I stopped by the Habitat for Humanity’s Restore on the way to Lowe’s as it is near Walmart. Wanted to check on the cabinetry doors they have. They are marked twenty bucks apiece but can be had for five dollars now. Cool. They have plenty of choices including some that are a light natural finish and unfinished as well. I need to measure the doors on our cabinets.

From there I headed to Lowe’s where I intended to get the ferrule needed for the water hose going to the air conditioner. Walking in the door I decided check out the garden section to see what they did with the bags of soil and stuff that had broken open. The broken bags I was getting at Aldredge are no longer available. I suspect that the kid who said I could take them made a mistake. So I found an employee and asked what they did with them. “We sell them” he said and took me over to a couple of pallets and asking what I wanted. There was all kinds of stuff. Manure, mulch, top soil, and some stuff that killed grubs and other bugs. I told D.B. (the name on his tag) that I would take everything except what had poison in it if he gave me a good price. DB was a nice guy and I had developed a rapport with him, telling him I was on disability and grew food to eat and perhaps sell to stretch my check, so he started digging up all kinds of damaged bags and said “You can have it all for $25.00”. Deal.

They had to call a manager and dig up all the product numbers to get it done. I have to remember to bring some corn and melons to DB if and when they come due. He worked hard to get this together for me. It took fifteen minutes at the cash register because the computer had a hard time accepting a twenty five dollar price for $102.00 worth of product. Yeah, you heard it right. It was a good deal and all stuff we can use. There was maybe ten bags of mulch which is the one thing I really needed. I’ve been scratching up the dried up tumbleweed sticks to use up till now. Mulch makes a tremendous difference here in the desert as it helps keep the moisture from getting sucked out of the soil by the West Texas sun and dry wind.

After all this time and the work the guys did to put this together I decided to load it myself. They had used a forklift to take it out to the side of the store. I should have asked for help instead of being a macho man. Hurt myself just a little. Big back pain and holding a spoon to eat the ice cream sundae we had a couple of hours ago hurt pretty good as well. I got everything except the mulch (which is pretty light) unloaded by sliding the bags to the edge of the truck and slicing them open so the dirt, manure, top soil, and whatever else spilled into the wheel barrow. Then I could truck it to wherever it was going with greater ease than carrying the bags. Besides I am mixing most of it together to make a garden cocktail of sorts.

Cherie’s boss, Joe, came over to teach her some things she needs for the job. Joe’s a neat ole guy with a dry sense of humor I enjoy. He would come outside occasionally to smoke a cigarette and invariably I would be taking one of the many breaks I needed while unloading the truck. Come to find out he has a good friend who received a traumatic brain injury when she went through the windshield of a car. He does much to care for her and she has many partial seizures like I do. Sounds like she has them more often. This came up when I mentioned how nicotine triggered seizures in me. He has noticed that hers reduce when she goes to the hospital for regular tests or something that take a week or two. That could well be from her smoking less at these times. It would be cool if this tidbit of information can help her.

I know there were some other things I wanted to write but I am tired and it is late, besides that I can’t remember. So night all.

Well I looked at the pictures I took today and see the ones of our wild sunflowers. There are two types that just showed up. One has much larger leaves and flowers than the other. It will be interesting to see how the seeds are. As I hoe down weeds I am careful to leave these plants alone. Yeah, they’re a weed too but I like them. Besides they grow without any help so when I plant the seeds I plan on gathering it will look like I am a fantastic gardener.


The other thing that came to my mind, one I had wanted to write about, is that as I drove away from Restore I noticed an antique drill press setting out in an industrial yard. I turned around to check it out as I could always use one and the old stuff is tough and not hard for me to recondition. A young man saw me and came to the fence. He let me know that none of the stuff in the yard was for sale that he knew of. He asked me about my hat that said “Mission Toledo”. I explained that it was a ministry I taught bible study at but soon discovered the founder was a professional con man who traveled the country starting these things up. Jim Watson is his name and you can do a search in this blog to learn about this shyster. Caused a lot of harm and messed up some lives in Toledo.


Come to find out the kid was in Teen Challenge. He brought it up questioningly when I talked about how Jim would take drug addicts and others off the streets and get jobs for them to work from the churches he approached for funds. Jim would keep the money they earned. “I’m kind of one of those guys” this kid said after I reassured him that Teen Challenge was a great organization that I had worked with in the past. We talked and shared through the chain link fence for a while. I told him of my past and how I had fallen back to old ways. At the end of our conversation I said “It’s not an accident we met”. It surprised me to hear this come out of my mouth. I have so many problems with the hokey stuff I hear out of the mouths of some who wear the label of “Christian” and consider it superstitious crap. That’s not all of them mind you but there are many who “spiritualize” everything. You’ve got folks like Pat Robertson who say “God told me” this and that. In his case the predictions, or prophesies as he calls them, don’t happen so either God is a liar or he is. So here I am with these doubts finding this statement coming out of my mouth. Where did it come from?

So we’ll try the good night thing again. Good night all.