Friday, June 15, 2007

Stormy morning

6/15/07 Friday
It was a stormy morning as we caught the edge of a thundercloud heading towards Big Spring. I didn’t get much sleep as the puppies were carrying on underneath the bed. Finally I coaxed them out one at a time and carried them to the puppy room and locked them in. Of course this morning they were clamoring to get out but that’s always fun as they bounce with their joy to see us. We lifted them on the bed and got our puppy kisses then bee lined them out the door to go potty.

I just finished signing the father’s day card Cherie picked up for me yesterday. Put a note in it that said “I wasn’t the best son but you’re the only dad I’ve got”. I also said that my brother, Larry, told me that dad was afraid I wanted to sue him and that I never had that in mind. Wrote that I would be willing to sign any document he wished to alleviate that concern.

To fill you new readers in I guess the best word to describe my relationship with my dad would be “estranged”. I probably should look that up but it feels right. I left home at fourteen and came to live with my grandmother on this farm. We rarely talked and the conversations were short. I was a constant disappointment and it wasn’t until I was a successful business man that he began to open up a little. When I had the accident my ex called him and, as is typical, told him a story that made me look bad and her the victim in the divorce that was finalized the day before the wreck.

Oh she told the story good, how I was a heroin addict, how I fooled around with many women, and I am sure a few other juicy things she invented. She somehow failed to mention how I had caught her performing a sex act on her now live in lover in the parking lot of the mall she worked at. Evidently the social worker at the hospital informed my dad that I was withdrawing from heroin as well.

So when I tried to call him from my brother’s place in St Louis my mom picked up the phone. Dad came by and hearing it was me got on and yelled “Don’t you ever call here again”. At this early stage of my brain injury emotional control was non existent so I went off. I asked if he still had the box I made for him some years ago and then told him that if he didn’t want anything to do with me send the box back. Inside I had hoped he would want to keep it but he said “I’ll get it right out” and hung up. That was in 2002 and the last conversation I have had with him. It is my belief that my brother is filling dad’s head full of poison for he tried to do that with my grandmother, trying to convince her to leave me this old beat up house and him all the land. What a snake.

So father’s day is a tough time for me. I’ll send an E mail with pictures of the puppies to my two boys for father’s day as they don’t send anything to me. That’s to be expected after the nasty divorce I had with their mom. It got real unpleasant and unfortunately they were dragged into the conflict.

So that’s my start. I must have worked the wrist too hard yesterday as holding the mug of coffee is pretty painful. Suppose I should put the brace on. Not real happy right now. A little down thinking about dad. I’ll work through it as I always do.
It’s 1:30. Cherie is off to Midland to do laundry and pick up a few things. She was probably glad to get out of the house cause I can be unpleasant when going through emotional issues like it being fathers day. I got to work on the living room at last. Am putting the plaster stuff and tape on the corner that is a big open crack as well as some of the other cracks and nail holes. I got good at this when I did the office, kitchen, and back room, but as is frustratingly usual must relearn it all over again. Not sure if what I did will work. Put the drywall joint stuff on the corner trying to work it in. That was hard. I know there is some slick way to do it with the spatula scraper thing but I had to work at it. By the time I got ready to put the joint tape over the plaster it was drying and I spread it to thin in some places. I added water to the plaster stuff and slathered it on pretty thick. Time will tell if this works. Right now I am getting that dizziness and ringing ears that tell me a partial seizure is here. That will let the plaster dry so I can sand it down. I need to look up the squash I planted to see when it’s ready to harvest. Some of it looks like it’s there. Probably should fix something to eat. Got to eat by the clock when you don’t feel hunger. Pretty tired also.
It is now 3:23. I am running at a four on the bob scale. That’s pretty slow but not too bad. I’ve been a lot worse. The headache is up there, not migraine level but not fun. I took a couple of aspirin. I would take a pain pill but can’t remember when I took the last one so won’t. Try to be pretty careful with them. Hard to believe I used to take this stuff by the handful but that is exactly why I am so careful. Don’t want to fall into that trap.

The stuff I used on the wall is still not dry after two hours. I looked on the pail and it is called all purpose joint compound. I seemed to remember it drying much faster but my memory is proven to not be reliable. I resisted the desire to take a nap…I think I did. I remember fixing, heating up something Cherie had gotten out of the freezer for me. Don’t remember what it’s called but it had round noodles and a red tomato sauce with hamburger in it. It was good. As I write I am trying to recollect what I did for the last two hours.

I went to look up the squash in this laptop but discovered I didn’t put a thing in it. Not a word about squash. I went out to the garage and got the seed box. I saved all the packages the seeds came in and they often have information about harvesting. It appears that the only thing ready to harvest is called Early Prolific Straightneck. I brought two of them in.

Cherie just came home. I can always get a better idea of how slow I am when I interact with someone. Pretty rough but I still put it at a four. She gave me some of the dark chocolate she bought last week. I like dark chocolate.

I put big rocks in and around the puppy pool. Figure it will make it easier for them to get used to it. I need to rest whether I want to or not.
It has been a hard day. Had to push to get anything done and that wasn’t much. Still a little slow. The anger is a constant struggle at times like this. The puppies again trashed the flower beds I had planted for Cherie. I put up some fencing with the stuff I scavenged from the landfill. The plastering job doesn’t look too good. I don’t feel like writing any more so good night.

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