9-16-05 More stuff

9/16/05 Friday
     It is 5:25 in the morning now. I have been up an hour. Woke up to the sound of water dripping from the bedroom window as it does with every rain. I pulled the latch to tighten the window hoping it will reduce this flow. I know I do this every time it rains but don’t remember if it works or not. I fixed some scrambled eggs and Bob coffee, which is unusually strong even for me. It is kinda like a liquid defibrillator as the caffeine jolts my system. I was slow at the end of the day and still have difficulty writing this but not to bad. About a six or seven on the Bob scale of cognizance.
     I tried to post on my blog but it doesn’t seem to have gone through. It is not on the blog but the record of the post shows when I push the tool bar button that is at the top of this Word page. As usual I am confused and will have to go back to the basics on the educational instructions at Blog.com and relearn what I already studied. I get tired of being confused. It makes me feel stupid when everyone tells me how smart I am. I will try a small post in case I had tried to put too much on at once and exceeded the limits set by the blog host (or whatever you call them). I wish I had money to pay someone to help me learn how to do this and put it together.
     The document I pasted yesterday and this morning entry on and tried to publish to the blog is labeled as editing on the bottom tool bar. I don’t know what that means. I looked at the blogger site and still can’t figure this out. I don’t remember my password and stuff so that makes it hard. I hope I wrote this down somewhere but don’t know if I did or where it would be. Typical Bob, lost again in a simple world… I will take a break and try again. Cherie just got up and is getting ready for work.
     Jeff didn’t make it to our Friday morning breakfast. I called and woke him up at 8:25. He had not gone to bed till 1:30 this morning as he and his soon to be ex. had to move their stuff out of the house. This has to be a tough time for him. At least there is progress on the divorce for they will sit down with the lawyers for the first time soon. I know how hard this is having gone through that hell myself.
     I just got done exploring the blog to figure out what I am doing wrong if anything. Played with a few buttons and republished with no immediate effect. I will check later to see if anything worked.
     Fred called while I was at the Waffle house and would like me to take him across the street to the Marathon where he wants to talk to Tom face to face. He would like me to do that at 10:00.
     I ate too much between the eggs I cooked and what I ordered at the Waffle House. Shouldn’t have ordered but kind of felt it would be correct seeing I had sat there drinking coffee for a while. Too much coffee also. This has my stomach upset and acid so will take a tums. Been up five hours now and am tired despite it only being 9:26.
     Finally something  seems to be working right. I looked at the blog on Mozzila, the suggested browser and saw no change. Then I used Explorer to pull up the blog and “hurray” the posts are there.
     I just got back from taking Fred across the street. That only took five minutes. I am still tired and think I will take a nap with the hope it will refresh me. There is nothing else scheduled for today so I hope to get stuff done. All the coffee did nothing for me, almost seems to have made me tired. Damn, I feel the headache coming so will take aspirin for it. Actually because I want to not be hindered on this free day I will take a pain pill also with the hope of catching the headache before it gets bad. I am operating at about a 6 level now. Not good but not too bad.
     Slowed way down. A 3 or so. Had a real hard time sending E mails to Jill and Darlene. Cherie came home for lunch and as usual I can tell more when I talk. I knew I was bad because couldn’t do stuff. Even this paragraph is hard. So inconvenient. It sucks because of the timing. Was hoping to accomplish so much. Will wash dishes cause that I can do even slow.
     I just called some of the places suggested by Jill for housing for Wayne and Sharon. Dove Manor has a one year waiting list. They gave me the name of preferred properties where I left a message. I will call the area office on aging cause that was suggested also. Probably should call the ability center also.
     Still don’t feel good but calling around helped stimulate the brain so my speech improved. While I am remembering it I will record this. Dave called last night at 11:00. His van wouldn’t start and his bike is in the shop so he needed a ride to work. I felt real bad but was not willing to go get him. We had just been going to bed for the night and I did not feel up to getting dressed and driving nearly sixty miles in the middle of the night. I would have done it any other time.
     I hate to lay down but the headache has not been touched by the pills and I am sweating. Kind of like I am fighting something off. I’ll rest and see if that helps refresh me.
     It didn’t. This is one of those day long slow downs. I don’t get them often, thank God, but these are the rougher times. It is now 4:00. I can’t remember what time I laid down. I curled up and drifted on that edge between sleep and wakefulness. Turned the TV on and watched fifteen minutes of Judge Judy with little comprehension. I feel weak and the sensation of hunger is really strong as if I have not eaten in days. It is so weird to not feel hungry except on rare occasions because of the TBI and to then have it amplified like this. In addition to that my sense of smell is also present and extreme. Makes me want to shower and brush my teeth again because the odors of my body assail my nose. I showered and brushed this morning as well as putting on clean clothes so I am confident it is not as bad as it seems. I will ask Cherie when she comes home to double check cause I really don’t want to be offensive. My headache is still there in addition to the right leg being hard to function.
     I want to cook dinner for Cherie and will look to see if anything in the fridge inspires me. Inspiration would be a good thing right now.
     I remembered that Sharon had called a day or three ago regarding not being able to get her prescription for Paxil so I called her to check. She said James pharmacy still did not have it. I went on line to investigate because there are so many drugs that are being pulled of the market. Come to find out the makers of Paxil are being sued regarding misleading techniques particularly with children and a judge had ordered them to stop distributing it for kids. I had also been calling for housing for Sharon and come to think of it that is why I called her and she brought the paxil up. I called a pharmacist up and he did say the brand name was hard to find but there are plenty of generics available. On the web there was a lot of info about withdrawals and other issues which I told Sharon about. Part of that is the zapping sensation she has in the back of her neck. I told her to call her doc at the Zeph Center but he will be gone now. If she can’t get a hold of him I will take her to the emergency room.
     Cherie is home and as I worked on all this I began to sharpen up. It is strange, I could feel a physical sensation, a kind of slow rush as my ability to type increased and my mind cleared. We are going to Don Pablos for Mexican and got to go now to beat the crowd.
     Now it is 2:00 in the morning and the bar across the parking lot is closing down. I remember waking up at 1:00 and going back to bed. When I woke up and put my glasses on to see what time it was I was disappointed to see I had only slept one hour. It is not good for my clock to get turned around like this. My stomach is upset, probably from the spicy Mexican food we enjoyed. Oh well, all good things come with a price.
         I am listening to the sirens of emergency vehicles coming near one at a time and can tell that the incident they are responding to is close as the sirens cut off with their arrival. Perhaps that or the noise of drunk patrons leaving at bar time woke me up. Looking out the window I can see the flashing lights in the parking lot and out in the street. A siren turns on and fades away as the vehicle that I presume is an ambulance transporting someone hurt to the hospital. Many of the police cars are moving on and I hear more sirens in the distance. Last call has come and gone and this is a busy time for the police as they must deal with the consequences of those who have too good of a time. I am glad that is no longer a part of my routine.
     Cherie’s parents left yesterday for Florida. They are going to visit her mom’s sister who had been up here for the anniversary celebration. As Cherie and I enjoyed our dinner at Don Pablos she looked at me and said she needed to tell me something she had been asked to keep a secret. The police and a city official had come to her parents house a day or so ago. They informed Nate that he needed to pick up the massive amount of crap he had accumulated in the yard by Tuesday and what ever was still there the city would haul away. This is nothing new and has been a constant battle for years with several court appearances.
     The reason Cherie had been told to keep this from me is they did not want me to hold it against Nate. It would seem that the general consensus of me in that household is that I am a bad guy who hates Nate so they all rally to protect him. They have been “protecting” him his whole life and in doing so have created a monster. At twenty two years of age Nate has long known how to manipulate this in addition to using his size and anger to intimidate all around. The house is a pig pen full of the evidence of a three hundred pound twenty two year old child with no controls at all. Windows and doors are broken and this once beautiful house that Ted built with his own hands looks like it went through hurricane Katrina. I stopped going over there because it broke my heart to see this and anytime I talked it was viewed as an attack. They don’t understand that I want to help and know what is needed to help Nate be a man.
      The policeman who had accompanied the city official appears to be aware of this and said something to them about how wrong Nate was and this needs to be fixed. He was not talking about the mess as much as he was referring to Nate’s abuse. When their fear of Nate was brought up the cop said he would be there and could handle Nate. Patsy and Ted seem to be blind of what surrounds them. Patsy hides in her religious delusions, quoting the Bible and thinking her praying and faith will cure the fruit of her “ministry”. This has caused Nate to have a disdain regarding God and he laughs at and despises religiosity. They conveniently place the whole blame for this on a childhood experience Nate had in a local church thus absolving them from any responsibility. The Bible Patsy quotes so much tells of those who deceive themselves and have chosen to be blind. Patsy knows all these scriptures but like us all chooses to see what she wants, what makes her feel good about herself. I stopped going over there because I cannot keep my mouth shut as I watch the destruction of these lives.

Cherie’s Corrections:  The city police and the city official did not come together to see Nate – Nate wasn’t home – they came separately to see Mom & Dad.  The city official, “Mary” had been there before and told the folks of the decision by the neighborhood department that they would give until Tuesday morning for the mess to be cleaned up – anything out of the ordinary (grill is ok), would be hauled off and taken to the dump by the city.  This prompted Mom & Cathy to go and secure a storage space big enough for Nate’s boat as well as other things. Like refrigerators, washing machines and general junk/stuff that he got through scraping – which is something Cathy also does now to bring in some money.  The policeman came by later in the day to check out the situation and thought the event was to start that day. When the folks stated they had until Tuesday – the cop checked it out and found out that was correct.  He also talked to Mom & Dad about the situation, letting them know that it was more than just a couple neighbors that complained about the condition of the property – it was several.  I don’t think the folks would express their fear of Nate because Cathy had told me they didn’t mind him being there as they saw him as “protection” because of his size and because of the reputation he has with his temperament.  But they never seem to understand that if Nate and his “friends” and all that junk weren’t there – they would probably be alright.  I am sure they mentioned to the cop that Nate could present a problem – which the cop let them know he could take care of.   Mom and Dad are concerned that if Nate got out of hand that he could get tased, which could kill him.  It has been well suspected for years that Nate has a weak heart.  The last time he helped me move to a new apartment – he could hardly do it – everything wore him out and several times he had to sit in the air-conditioning to “rest up”. He refuses to go to the doctor to get it checked as my folks as well as his mother have all had “close calls” with heart related problems.  My folks are not blind to the mess around them – they have become powerless to have any effect that would cause change in their situation.  Regarding the “experience” when Nate was young at a local church – there were actually several experiences that Nate had in at least three different churches locally – that were all negative and had an impact in his lack of belief today.  They compare what little Bob has said about Nate (he used to say good things – encouraging things) to what Jim – Connie’s husband says about Nate – that he can see where Nate is going to be a big success someday.  Sometimes I think my folks hear what they want to hear and remember things that will “build a case” around those things that God will either confirm or bless in time, according to them.  Watching it all has had an impact on my faith and what I believe long before bob came back into my life.