92605 Monday

9/26/05 Monday
     Not bad this morning, especially considering I was up till 1:30 last night. I took Cherie to work so I can keep the car. I will work on cleaning it up and then start hitting the dealers to buy a car. Hope I maintain this level of cognizance.
     So far so good. I actually have improved this morning. Can’t believe it is already 10:45 but I have gotten some things done. I downloaded the latest Kodak Easyshare software. I hope it helps with the problems I have moving the Kodak pictures to other functions in my computer. Right now I need to get my butt moving to finish cleaning the car and start going to dealerships. I will stop at Huntington bank first.
     I’m back. I stopped at the car wash to do a final cleanup on the car. I skipped the bank and went straight to the Yark Chrysler dealership. I parked near the used car office and got out debating whether to go there or to the new car area. As I did so an older gentleman asked if he could help me. I told him I was going to buy a car this week if I could. He asked if I had anything picked out and I told him I was looking to pay $250 a month. He told me that that would put me in the $10,000 car range. I explained the uncertainty of our credit and asked if he could run that so I would have a clear idea what we could and could not get. He took down our information and took it into the credit department. It didn’t take long for him to return. Our bankruptcy is already showing up so we must wait till we have the disposition before they can help us.
     While filling out the credit application the whole story came out. I told him of the wreck, the gift of life, and the miracle of getting back with Cherie. His name is Dave Holben and he was either amazed or impressed with what I have gone through. He told me I have incredible strength to keep fighting after all that. I don’t know about that, I just know I don’t give up. We talked of my philosophy, that it doesn’t matter how much money you have cause it comes and goes in a flash. What has value is the lives you touch. I don’t hide anything and told him of being homeless, the drugs and alcohol, and of the world I saw as I wandered. A world few seem aware of. Dave told me that when we have the disposition of the bankruptcy to come back and he would be glad to help. The close of the conversation was me telling him that my life was a gift and we are building and rebuilding life from the start. I know he was impressed but I feel this is nothing compared to many of the victims of hurricane Katrina and Rita. They have a harder road ahead than I did.
     I talked to Cherie and let her know what happened. Now I want to make use of this prime time and work on the website and maybe the book before another slow down. I tried to call Eileen. Glen answered and said she was taking her sister home and would be back in twenty minutes so I tried her cell phone. There was no answer so I left a message. Glen said she was doing better.
     I am getting tired now. That is not unusual at this time of the day. It is a little after 2:00. Maybe if we get into the YMCA and I exercise it will help my energy level. I used to go strong for twelve to sixteen hours a day so it is frustrating to not be able to do that anymore. Suppose I should take my second pill and take a nap.
     The nap helped. I really didn’t sleep as much as dozed. It still refreshed me and I got up in time to pick up Cherie from work. I grilled steaks and Cherie fixed stroganoff noodles. We enjoyed each others company as always and watched the news. It is all hurricane stuff with few new angles. I believe that much good can come out of this disaster. For those who faced death and lost all they had it will be a time of reevaluating what is important and what is not. This I am familiar with and understand. Some will come out stronger and better and some will sink into a despair which they will try to assuage with drugs, alcohol, and other excesses. One of the statistics coming out of this disaster is that the government has been tracking what has been purchased with the $2,000 debit cards they gave to the victims. Some 80% or so has been expended at strip clubs in Houston. Like the Bible said, “Lets eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die”. At least I think that’s in the Bible but regardless I have heard it before and it pretty much covers this thought.
     I got a hold of Eileen. She is not doing well at all and now there is something wrong in her throat. I could hardly understand what she was saying the last time I talked to her and it is no better now. One doctor wants he to have surgery for the tumor in her uterus but another said she wasn’t able to handle that. Her lungs are getting worse, they gave her a wheelchair to use because her back is so bad, and her health in general is going down hill. Some of this is due to the ravages of her lifetime of smoking and we all pay a price for such decisions. I told Cherie that she is dying slowly and that her system is so frail it won’t take much to hasten that. Some will say that is harsh or wrong but it is the reality none can escape. Death is certain, life is not. I pray that Eileen lives for many years and she may well do so, but the odds are stacked against her.
     I got a call from Virginia. She was with my grandmother, Minnie Lee, and was calling to let me talk to her. Virginia held the phone up to Lee’s ear so she could talk. Lee’s hearing is noticeably going down hill as are many of her other functions. She did not talk long, only said she loved me and asked me to tell Cherie she loved her also. She couldn’t remember Cherie’s name at first so Virginia told her “It’s Cherie”. After I talked with Virginia and she told me that Lee had decided again she wanted to die and was not eating.
     As I talked with Virginia, Lee told her to tell me that she had not heard from Larry in a long time. Sad as it is this is exactly what I had predicted would happen when Lee stopped giving Larry money. He is my brother and was the only family member that tried to help when I woke from the coma and I love him but he needs to look at himself. I am sure he will have every plausible excuse and explanation for this to make himself look good but I see through him. He is a world of promises that he won’t keep. This is typical behavior for a long term alcoholic but he seems to have the wool pulled over the  rest of my families eyes. What a paradox. My father won’t talk to me at all, yet I think that while I have made some whopper mistakes I am the kind of man he would like. On the other side Dad always said he hated a liar yet is taken in by Larry’s misrepresentations. I still wonder what kind of picture Larry painted of me to dad but may never know. Larry sent me an E mail saying dad was an ass hole and that he had as little to do with him as possible. This was in response to my repeated requests for Larry to help mend this rift with my dad. “I don’t talk to him any more than I have to” he said. This I know is a lie but what can I do. I am two thousand miles away and they refuse to even take a phone call.