Thursday, September 29, 2005

92905 Thursday

9/29/05 Thursday
It is 5:30 in the morning. I woke up after a strange and disturbing dream. I was in Hearne Texas where my grandmother on my dad’s side was from. There was an election going on and dad was one of those running for office. Carty Finkbiener, the mayoral candidate in Toledo was also running in this election. There was a debate between the candidates at the town hall. I watched my father from across the room as he sat there hoping he would look up and notice I was there supporting him. I had tried to cash a check at a bank machine to donate to his campaign but the machine wouldn’t work right.
The moderator of the debate went with his microphone to where dad was sitting and asked him how he was going to use the contributions to his political debate. Dad answered with the unhappy and angry look on his face that had been there the whole time. “I’m going to spend it on my house and me” he said matter of factly. This was the end of the meeting and Carty smiled as his election was now insured by dad’s misuse of donated funds. Dad walked out of the meeting and I hoped he would look at me but he purposely averted his gaze.
At this point I decided to talk to my dad’s opponent and throw my support to him. When I got there I asked if he knew my mother. He said Lisa had just been talking about her so I asked to see Lisa as I wanted to learn about my mother. It was said that my dad was mean, violent, and had thrown my mother out the window. This Lisa was wheeled up and she was a jack in the box head on a child’s red plastic wagon. I tried to talk to it but there was no response.
Someone handed me a manilla envelope that contained mementos that had belonged to my mom. Everyone grew respectful as I began to go through the contents and cried. The check I tried to write for dad’s campaign came back with a mark that said the machine was unable to process it because of errors.
Then my two boys were there and some crazy skinny girl was babbling about setting fires and tried to light my youngest son, Adams sweater on fire. I got Bruce and Adam out of there and we went to the railroad yards where we decided we needed to go to the other side of the tracks. I was telling them we had to be careful and watch for oncoming trains. Just as we would start across a train would roar by.
I notice Adam is no longer with us so with a feeling of trepidation I begin searching for him. I catch a glimpse of him with the crazy pyro girl who had him captured. I run into the tall wooden tower to rescue him desperately running from room to room. I see every room is drenched with a white flammable substance placed there to create a roaring inferno. When I find Adam, Pyro girl is tying him up with phone cords and runs away. I frantically work to free Adam from all the cords that tied him and finally get the last of it by ripping them from the ceiling. Then I woke up.

Lots of people look for all kinds of meanings in dreams. I know that they are the drifting fragments of what has been on your mind and my thoughts have been on my dad and the boys for some time now. I tried calling Adam, leaving messages on the phone but he never called back. I saw him walking down Lewis Avenue when I was working on Dave’s van and waved, hoping he would come over and visit. He didn’t. I talked to Cherie about having them over for dinner but haven’t followed through. Bruce was busy with his house closing when I talked to him last so asked I give him a few weeks.
Yesterday Sharon called as we were driving to the Wednesday Bible study we attend. She was crying and in a panic because she thought her cat had eaten one of her Zoloft pills. It took some time for me to calm her down and assure her that there was little likely hood that Mitchell would die. We called her a few times to check on her and she seems to have settled down.
At the Bible study I couldn’t help but jump in and expound on my view of the verses they were studying. Afterwards I asked Cherie if I talked too much. It took her a while to answer which tells me I probably did. When we got home Fred was waiting for us to talk about the letter we all got informing us the building was sold to Gerdenich Realty. As I tried to respond to Fred Cherie kept talking over me and I finally got frustrated and said “shut up”. This was wrong especially as one of the other residents was waling by. I feel bad about it and can see the impact it had on her still this morning.
This morning I am not feeling to enthusiastic about anything. Last night on the news Denny Schaefer was on and put in a plug for Mission Toledo saying that they were feeding 165 people in their kitchen. This brings up all the feelings I have and reminds me of how I never completed the research I did on Jim Watson’s history of lying and scamming under the guise of being a noble Christian. I feel guilty for not revealing his deception and using this as a means of income at the expense of those he is to help. I sit here upset at myself and feel kind of useless or something. I can’t think of a word to describe it right now. Kind of slow. Should take my pill and fix something to eat. Just remembered I turned the iron on and forgot it.
I tried calling Sharon but her phone was busy. She called as I was cooking dinner and told me her cat was ok. She had stayed up with it till three in the morning, playing with it. As she talked and talked I had to cut her off and let her know I was in the middle of cooking. After that I called Gerdinich, the new owners of our building to check on our rent check we had already mailed to the previous owners. We were assured there would be no problem so I called Fred to ease his mind. I will print up Gerdinich’s new address in big letters for Fred so he can see it. It wouldn’t hurt to print up mailing labels for him and us. Should look into how to do that.
The back pain is back from sitting at this chair. I need to check into some kind of support for this cause I would like to do lots of writing. Today I am scheduled to take Wayne to the lawyer we found who does Social Security work. Yesterday I was sharp all day and I hope I speed up by the time I pick up Wayne. I’m running at about a 6 on the Bob scale right now. One of the things I worry about is the perception others may get about this. Even though I may be slow it does not mean I become stupid. I always am able to make intelligent decisions and do not become a babbling idiot with psychotic mental instability. It just takes me longer to process information and the part of my brain that took over operating my right side has difficulty doing so resulting in my limp becoming worse. Sometimes it effects my equilibrium so I have to be careful not to trip or fall.
It is 4:11 now. I just got home and am exhausted. The lawyer thing was rough. I was not prepared and tried to negotiate him down from his 25%. He was not keen on it but at least I have a better understanding of what is needed. Right now I have quite a headache and am tired. Wish I could take the herbal medication that works so well but that’s the way it is. I will take a pain pill and aspirin and lay down.
Cherie called while I was coming home and has a chance to work late. She also can work Saturday. I’ll write in this later, to tired now and the cat is bugging me for attention.
I started watching the news and just conked out. Woke up and missed an hour or more. Cherie and I went for a walk at the park and again saw deer. It is getting cool out, nice and brisk. Cherie wanted me to wear long sleeves but because of the changes from the TBI I am not affected by the cold as much as most but heat is hard on me.
I have lots of work to do for Wayne. The lawyer is a survivor of TBI and was banged up worse than I was though he was only in a coma one week. I am impressed at what he did despite his injuries. He became a lawyer after the accident because of his treatment in court as he sued the truck company that smashed into him.
I sent out notices of the blog to most of the people I have addresses for. It will be interesting to see if there is any response. I really don’t expect much cause this journal has to be boring as all get out. I suppose if I would just give short little statements it would be better than all this writing. Most folks have no interest in spending lots of time reading things other than a good novel that keeps their attention. Time to work on the website before the back pain gets to bad.

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