91905 Monday

9/19/05 Monday
     This morning started out well. I woke up with the brain operating at a seven or so. I was scheduled to get Sharon to the Zeph Center so her doctor could help her with the withdrawals from Paxil. She called and talked to Cherie who answered the phone. Cherie was late for work cause Sharon just talks and talks and Cherie is to nice to say “I got to go”. Sharon had decided not to go till she could call and find out if the doc was in. The doc won’t be in till tomorrow morning and Sharon has enough meds to last till then.
     I think to myself that I will have a day to myself and may actually get things done on the book, blog, and maybe explore creating a web page. Last night I looked at programs available on this laptop. There is tons of stuff that can be useful if I learn how to use it. The Microsoft Office program again came up with it’s message that I have to activate it. I’ve been activating it with no luck and now it says I have done so too many times. I called the phone number given, which directed me to one of the call centers in India. The lady was a bit hard to understand but we got it all fixed, at least I think so but time will tell.
     As I am telling myself I need to approach these tasks such as writing the book as a job the phone rings. It is Dave who starts asking me if I have much to do today or tomorrow or anytime. “What do you need Dave?” I asked. His van broke down and he needs me to fix it again. I explained my tools are in Cherie’s car and I wouldn’t be able to spend all day on it but would come out and look at it. He gave me a place to stay when I was on the street so it is the least I can do. Actually I would do it any way cause that’s me. Time to go. The sooner I leave the sooner I get back. Chow.
     Dave’s van requires more than I could do at this time. It was good to visit him and I will research his vehicle and return Friday to work on it. I got home in time to see Cherie and then went over to the Distillery to get lunch. Had a couple of beers with the hamburger and am now tired. I completed some surveys on the net and I think I will lay down now.
     I napped till about 5:00 when Cherie came home from work. The headache is back with the slow down it often heralds. I took some aspirin and a Tramadol. It is frustrating when I lose my prime times like I did this morning. There is a balance I must reach but don’t quite know how because peoples needs often come up without warning. Those who judged me because I do not have a regular job do not realize I do work hard and make sacrifices for others. Of course I don’t get a pay check but I do get paid in a way some won’t understand. I live by my philosophies. I don’t just say what sounds good to impress others but practice what I say. Like I carved on the plaque I made as I recovered in St. Louis “Money and things can vanish in a flash. What has real lasting value is the lives you touch.”
     While I am thinking about it I should write about the invitation that was E mailed to me from Donna at Cedar Creek. I may have already written about it but cannot remember. I think she messed up and sent it to me by accident for I really suspect that if I showed up it would bother them greatly. I kind of want to go to meet the others in the Life Support group I had started to get to know. Of course I don’t remember any of their names except the leader Dave and maybe the tall guy who’s name may be Troy.
     Fred called and needs to go to MCO for a blood test so I will take him Wednesday morning. That is much more important than helping Allen so I will push his time up.
     I so wish I was up to speed right now but even the last two paragraphs have come slow, taking an hour with me having to use spell check often. Cherie went to buy some stuff she needs and I suspect that if she was here to talk with me my voice would have that sound I don’t like. I don’t know how to describe it. Kind of like a child with Down’s Syndrome or something. At its worst I stutter. Typing is hard. I have to be very deliberate and often use the wrong word and punch the wrong key as I spell. I won’t quit and won’t go back to bed.
     No body is reading the blog or at least making comments. Of course I haven’t told anyone where to access it except Jill and the other lady I met at the MS luncheon. I kind of wanted to have it figured out and put together right before I announced the blog to all I know.
     This morning I was learning again how to back up stuff to a CD but I will have to do it all over again. I did learn that I can’t write on a DVD or at least I don’t think so. That would mean the packs of blank DVD’s I have are useless. The device in this laptop will write CD’s and play DVD’s so I assumed it could write on the DVD. I told Cherie I need to take classes on computer stuff. If I practice something it usually stays, at least for a while but will fade if I don’t keep doing it.
     I am afraid. As I struggle to write this my fear is there will come a time that I will be stuck at this level of cognizance or worse with out the bright spots. Cherie just came in and I was right about my voice.    
      I tried and tried to back up this journal to the CD. It just tells me the drive is not available. I give. I hate when I slow down. Feel stupid.