92105 Wednesday

9/21/05 Wednesday
     So far so good I woke up lucid and have showered and fixed breakfast already. I hope this lasts all day but never know.
     Just called Molly at Swan Cove apartments and we talked for a while about Wayne’s needs and then Sharon’s difficulties regarding their housing. Molly had some good suggestions on how I can work on this. There is little doubt that I need an education on section 8 and LMHA. Some of the things she suggested I have known I needed to do for a while but like everything else I forget and don’t follow through. The depression has been a hindrance as well. After the rejection of those I had looked up to at church I just gave up on being anything of significance and retreated into my shell. Time to change that. Still have to fight this disability and keep going.
     This morning I will take Fred to MCO for his blood test and then go downtown to see if I can piss in a bottle. I am not slow like I was yesterday so figure it will work out. I am not looking forward to talking to Fred but at least I am lucid so should be better able to control my emotions.
     Allen called yesterday to let me know he had flooded his place so wouldn’t need my help. I feel bad about his flood but appreciate the time he freed up for me. He said he got distracted and left his water on till it flooded the whole place. I hope he didn’t take too many pain pills this time. His whole place is full of cigarette burns where he dropped them and evidently forgot or nodded off. You can see from the length of the burns how entire cigarettes just sat there burning. It’s scary to see and I worry because if it is from the pills he is taking way too many.
     Speak of the devil. As I was writing the last sentence Allen called and asked if I knew anywhere he could get some pain meds. I told him no because I no longer run in those circles and haven’t for four years now. Besides I don’t think I would even if I could because I am sure he is now feeding an addiction instead of treating his pain. That moves it from being medication to it being poison. You don’t give your friend poison.
     Fred apologized for yesterday with a quick statement during a conversation about something unrelated. Just four words muttered almost under his breath “I’m sorry about yesterday”. That works for me just fine. I did tell him that the only thing I will do for Barb is necessities such as food and medical, no fluff like haircuts. I asked if he has called her on her phone and he has which means she did get it back.
     His blood test did not take long. I had to register him on the phone because he can’t read his insurance card. After I took him to the Pharm and helped him buy food. He needs to eat more vegetables because he has an iron deficiency but he doesn’t like them.
     I drank a pitcher of tea and the same amount of water in preparation for my piss test, figuring it would help. A few minutes before I was going to head downtown I could feel the headache that is a precursor to a slow down coming. Earlier when I took Fred to the Pharm I had no limp at all but that was changing as I walked out to the car. By the time I was on the road I could tell it was coming on fast. I drove up to the drug test facility and just parked outside. It was about twenty till twelve, which is when they close today and I did not seem to need to use the bathroom. With the slow down I really did not feel sitting there trying to work up the ability to pee knowing I would not be able to. Besides I avoid outside contact at these times. I may get in trouble for it but I gave up and went home. I’ve been taking these tests for two years and don’t think I have missed one.
     I know I am clean but that doesn’t matter. If it is an issue I will gladly pay for a hair test which will give them about a six month record to prove it. I am again having difficulty writing and want to hide in the bed as I do when the migraine gets bad. All noises are loud and lights bright so I put on easy listening stuff low to kind of mask that and help me distress. Driving home was rough. I just coasted along instead of my usually more aggressive style. No surprises or quick thinking needed. This is getting worse. I so wanted to work on the website but not now. Hopefully this slowdown will go as quickly as it came. I also need to work on Wayne and Sharon’s housing needs but must put that on hold also. It is getting hot so I suppose I should turn on the air. I am done for now. Will lay down.
     It’s 2:45 now. Still slow but functional. Cherie returned the call I made about cooking the cabbage rolls. I am surprised I was able to call the lawyer for Wayne and communicate but she had a hard time or I did understanding. She asked lots of questions I did not have an answer to. I set up an appointment. Tried to call Wayne about it but his line was busy. After trying for 45 minutes I called Sharon and asked her to knock on his door and hang the phone up figuring he had  knocked it off the hook. He called and said he had been talking to his friend. I was short with him, probably cause I feel rough. Not good but part of this TBI thing.
     Fixed the melted peanut butter on toast with honey thing I like. Cherie got worried when I told her I didn’t do the test but I told her to relax. This being slow sucks. I read what I wrote earlier and it is not well said. Oh well I know what I was trying to say. I give and will go back to bed. It is 3:00 and this is all I got done. Not productive. Still peeing out all the tea I drank earlier. Took my second pill.
     I was still slow when Cherie came home but better. We ate the rolled cabbage she got at K&J that I put in the stove earlier. It was good but of course made better by her company. We watched the news on hurricane Rita and had some ice cream. After that Cherie reminded me that I had put going to the storage unit on the calendar so we went. I had forgotten about it but that is what I seem to do best. As usual if something isn’t written down it doesn’t happen. There is so much I want to do like call my kids but it never happens because I don’t schedule it in the calendar. At the storage unit we cleaned out the trunk and I found a bottle of oil so I checked it. The dipstick was absolutely dry. I had heard the motor a few days ago and was going to check it but forgot as usual. I did remember to schedule taking Cherie to work and then having the oil changed. This is the frustrating part. I have these bright moments where I remember stuff like that and have learned to act while the thought is there but then it vanishes again. I put 3 quarts in the car before it registered full which means it was running on one quart or so of oil. That is right on the edge of blowing the motor entirely which would put us in a bad bad position. She owes $3000.00 on the car after paying on it for five years. She owes more than it is worth.