It's Christmas eve

12/24/06 Sunday
It’s Christmas eve. There was a thick fog this morning and temps were in the high 20’s but it is warming up rapidly as it does out here. We are getting ready for church now. I washed my hair and shaved as I usually do before we go to church. Because of not having hot water I only shave once a week and wash the hair twice with the exception of times we go into town and have to meet people. Cherie washed her hair also. For her it is a greater ordeal because it is long, thick, and beautiful. I helped her by slowly pouring the bottled water we heat for washing up on her head as she lathered, rinsed, and put on conditioner. The rest she does herself. I think that when my check comes on the first we will pay the $5.00 it costs to use the showers at the Stanton truck stop just off I-20. For her a shower would be a welcome luxury she hasn’t enjoyed since we left Toledo. Even if we had hot water we couldn’t shower cause all there is, is the old leaky bathtub. Later we dream of redoing the whole bathroom, expanding it to make some room and replacing the tub with something we can shower in. Of course we have lots of dreams but time will tell.

I was thinking about our conversation with Cathy yesterday. She is carrying the whole load of taking care of mom and dad and coupled with her two children it leaves her close to the breaking point. They said they would like to come visit us, perhaps next summer. We welcome that but worry, not about us but them. How will they take the heat and somewhat primitive conditions here? They would need to stay in a hotel but with the high cost of mom and dad’s medications and only dad’s pension there is little cash left over. In fact Cathy is paying for part of their meds and much else. With out her I think Mom and Dad would be eating cat food as so many of our elderly are forced to do. It is sad how our drug companies are strangling the poor and elderly in this country. Go to Canada and the same medications cost half or less than they do here. That is a crime endorsed by our federal government who’s pockets are lined by the drug companies. The doctors here get kickbacks to prescribe certain medications. These come in the form of many perks and incentives that are cleverly packaged to be hidden from the publics eyes. That’s why Mom and Dad are prescribed the most expensive pills and now are given pills to correct the side effects of other pills in a never ending cycle of sucking every penny out of their pockets they can get.

It’s time to get my “Sunday go to meeting” clothes on. I am sharp this morning as you can tell from my writing. Hope to stay that way. If so I’ll get the rest of the back room painted. I’ve already cleared the furniture out in preparation.

Well that sucked. After all the preparation and rush to get to church we arrive to see everyone leaving the service. I know that they announced and put in the bulletin that the Christmas eve service would be at ten instead of the usual eleven. I remembered there would be no Sunday school but the change in their service time didn’t register. Then Cherie didn’t make it to church last week cause she had a pulled muscle or something that cause pain in her shoulder so she didn’t hear anything either. It kinda pissed me off and I didn’t say much of anything all the way back home. I had really looked forward to going for once, mostly to greet the people we are starting to know. This has dampened my enthusiasm for today but I’ll deal with it and get moving.

Called Troy Bradshaw, one of Lee’s brothers and talked to his wife whom I think is called Aileen but am not sure. She was not enthusiastic at my call but they are in their nineties so that’s to be expected. When I invited them out here she said they don’t go out much. “Maybe we can come by and visit” I said but she was not encouraging. After that I called Delmer Bradshaw and got his answering machine. Aileen said they knew we were here now so I am sure Delmer does also.

Kinda depressed. I tried to call Adam but when Ed, the guy I had caught Barb (the second wife) having sex with, answered he said Adam was in Monroe with his girlfriend so no luck there. I called the number I have for Bruce but it belongs to someone else now so I no longer have a number for him. Feeling alone as far as family goes. It’s just me and Cherie here.

Christmas is not a happy time for either of us. We are both depressed as suppressed and sad memories are awakened by this season. We have each other. I cleaned out part of the bus and again packed the dumpster. As I did I couldn’t get the thoughts of how friends and relatives had picked my grandmothers bones before she was even dead. It grates hard. I don’t know who or when I just know some of what is gone. I want to expose them, put them under a light that reveals all. The scripture comes to my mind “That which is done in darkness will come to light”. That is my prayer. I found one of the cast iron pieces that was part of my grandmother’s collection in the back of the bus. I guess someone missed it or decided it wasn’t good enough to steal.

Cherie is fixing some dinner now. I noticed that as I worked on cleaning out the bus and heard a vehicle approach I would listen, hoping it would slow down and be a visitor. I got to get out of this depression now. There are many good things to think on. We are blessed with this farm despite the hardships now and ahead. We are blessed to be together after twenty five years of separation. My sister, Robin, has not rejected me. Virginia has also been kind and accepting. There are those from the church whom we hope to become friends with. I need to focus on the good not the bad.