Missed Saturday but here's today

12/16/06 Saturday

12/17/06 Sunday
Right now I don’t have a clue what happened yesterday. Can’t bring up anything. Maybe it’ll come to me later. I know we didn't get any painting done. We had a rough morning today. Cherie either had bad muscle cramps in her back or pulled a muscle. We were getting ready for church when I heard her crying out. When I went into the bedroom she was unable to get her pantyhose on because of it. She felt bad about not being able to go to church and I had to stop her from saying “I’m sorry” and told her it would be alright. I went but wasn’t really into it as I was worrying. They had a cantata? I guess that’s what you call it when they sing and have some skits.

I came home immediately after to see how she was doing. Still not too good. We went for a walk and counted out steps to get an idea how much the five acres we’re pulling out of the CRP program is. It’s a bunch of land to us. Right now things are a bit rough. Cherie is depressed and I don’t seem to be helping much.

One thing I do remember because I found the picture is uncovering the stone walkway my grandfather Rudy had put in way back when. There were only two stones visible right at the front steps so I began digging it out. That took a while as the sand had drifted over it fairly deep.

Our budget is tight. With only my monthly VA check the end of the month is tough. Sucks at Christmas time. Fortunately Steve from the church brought some food by. It’s not like we wouldn’t have had food on the table, it just helps. We’re not going anywhere we don’t need to in order to save on gas. It makes Christmas hard but both Cherie and I are really kinda soured on Christmas. There has been little joy in it for me, especially going back to my childhood when Christmas is supposed to be magic. There are few fond memories but plenty of bad ones. No sense in going through those now. Christmas is for the kids and for those who have. For the ones who must scratch to live it is a time when their lack is made more poignant, more in their face so to speak. They see so much excess around them that it points out their need. This is the time of year that suicides and heart attacks are at all time highs. Merry Christmas.

It is now a year since my grandmother died and the estate is still not settled. I need to call Virginia about it. Even our lawyer didn’t think something was right, said it should have been done by now. Makes me wonder what’s going on. Of course I tend to imagine the worst about things so that doesn’t help.

It’s 9:30 tonight. Cherie has been restlessly asleep for a few hours now. I laid next to her watching TV that wasn’t that interesting on a channel that faded in and out so finally turned it off and came to write in this journal. I had another petite of partial seizure this afternoon. I mentioned to Cherie that they seem to be happening more and more lately. When we first got here they almost seemed to stop but have been on the rise in frequency and severity the last few weeks. Perhaps it’s the rise in my stress level but I don’t know. I need to get hooked up with the neurology department at the VA hospital. They should have my records by now. I also want to check and see if Cherie qualifies for medical help as my wife. I doubt it but it would be nice. Right now she has no medical coverage at all and that will be important to get. If nothing else to get her registered for Medicaid to cover any emergencies.

Cherie just got up. She tells me I had a bad partial seizure yesterday. No wonder I don’t remember much of it. She’s getting a bowl of cereal now and then I think we will work on making a collage to print up and send with the Christmas cards. Here’s a picture I took for it that shows the farm from the highway this morning. Of course it was foggy and wet so I tracked mud into our new carpet. OOPS. I cleaned it up.