Saturday, December 23, 2006

Real slow this morning

12/23/06 Saturday
Was up at 6:30. Got the garbage and compost done. Then I started clearing the unpainted side of the back room in preparation to finish that job. Right now I am going through a slow down which, as always, is inconvenient. This one comes with a headache as they seem to more often do these days. I told Cherie that the pattern of these problems has changed since we came to Texas. Not sure what to attribute that to. Right now I am having to take a break and wait till this clears up. Won’t lay down unless the headache reaches migraine level. Then I’ll crawl into bed and shut out as much light as I can cause light and noise make things worse. It’s 10:41 now.

The rain snow mix forecasted hasn’t arrived. This is one of those times I like it when the weatherman gets it wrong. Other areas probably got hit but we lucked out. Perhaps I’m speaking to early on this. Still slow and it’s 11:44. The headache is manageable. I took one of the Tramadol I have been hoarding away, saving them for the bad times like this cause they help better than the pills the VA prescribed for the migraines. I got the Tramadol for the back and neck pain from the pain management VA clinic a year ago. There are only six left.

I am again trying to do the Microsoft update. Last night it went for thirty minutes searching for available updates with out finishing. I gave up and went to bed.

Didn’t work again. Trying a third time after turning off all my spyware protection programs. Then I’ll give. I’m getting worse now with this partial seizure. At stuttering level where it’s hard to formulate words fast enough. Writing works as you can read but just this paragraph has taken a while. Like five or ten minutes. Can’t tell without using a clock cause sense of time is not there.

Headache is at migraine level. The light hurts my eyes. I’m going to put the blanket we have over the office window down to reduce the light. It’s 12:40 now. This sucks as always. Going to post this on the blog and go to bed. Didn’t finish moving stuff in the back room. Damn it, can’t hit the right keys to type. I quit.

I finally began to clear up around 4:30. Doing much better now. The rain did come but it wasn’t bad. Cherie said there was a little sleet or snow mixed in like the weatherman said. I didn’t get anything done today and really don’t feel like doing much of anything now. Cherie suggested I hook up the DVD player so we could watch some of the movies Cherie had picked up while we were still in Toledo.

We just watched “What About Bob”. Cool movie. I had seen it before but as is usual for me remembered little of it so it was still very much like watching it for the first time. We enjoyed it greatly and laughed lots. After that Cherie called back home to her family. She couldn’t get through on her mom’s phone so she called her sister, Cathy’s phone. She put her cell on speaker mode so we all could talk. There was lots of joking but also some serious conversation about her parents. All parents get old and with age come problems that generally don’t get better but steadily get worse. This is what nearly all children eventually face and is universally hard. There will be no easy answers. Cherie told me before we left for Texas that she may need to return home to help out. She has my full support but money will be the determining factor. If you can’t afford the gas to make the two thousand mile drive there is little you can do but feel bad. As we talked about this Cherie said something I was glad to hear, “If I need to go the money will be there”. That kind of faith is something of more value than money. It provides a peace of mind you can’t buy.

It is good to be back as far as my brain function goes. Too bad I lost another day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. We will go to church tomorrow and I plan on talking to pastor Dave about the job opening they have. I am sure there is a committee that is responsible for the hiring decision but I still want to make a pitch for us. While Cherie will be the one hired they will get two for the price of one for I will help her on my good days and will not accept pay for it. That plus the fact we will live here the rest of our days I think make a good hiring decision. With my companies I always looked for stable long term employees. Cherie intends to get her sewing business going, which will not be a full time thing, and takes care of me on my bad days so working at the church would be a perfect fit.

Tomorrow and or Christmas day I will be pulling stuff out of the bus and packing the dumpster as tight as I can cause it will be picked up Tuesday. That is the last time we will have it as we are canceling that service come January. Can’t afford the thirty five bucks a month it costs and I can take our trash to the landfill for free. I got the pick up not just to pull the trailer to Texas but because I know it will be most valuable on the farm. Eventually I may take the cap off. Who knows.

I plan on calling all the Texas relatives I have on Christmas eve with the exception of my dad and Larry. My dad made it abundantly clear he never wanted to speak to me again and flat said “Don’t you ever call here again”. I hope that might change as the years go by but think the odds are against me. Larry I have little to say to as he is a thief and a liar. If he ever decides to come clean about that I will be glad to talk with him but won’t hold my breath. I know that in his mind he has justified everything and thinks he has only taken what he is due but that is typical for an alcoholic. The ability to rationalize our actions can be astounding sometimes. Sure he sacrificed to help me when he picked me up from the hospital but that doesn’t justify forging my signature and cashing checks my grandmother sent for me. What a paradox. He was the only one in my family who helped me at that time but at the same time he screwed me. How strange. How should I feel? The last straw was on this estate and the discovery of how he took advantage of our grandmother and then stole what he could out of the house. Not just after she died but before also. Of course he wasn’t the only one. Well I’m back on my rant again so I’ll stop.

Night all. I’ll be back but it I don’t have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.

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