Walk the talk

2/9/08 Saturday
I’m doing good this morning. There were no slowdowns I can remember yesterday though I did end the day with one of those sever headaches that require darkening the room and reducing noise. I’m running at a good eight on the bob scale. I always enjoy these occasions.

One of the things I want to record while it’s still in this mind is going to the men’s retreat at the circle six campground. Ed had invited me and I was glad to go. I was worried, as I always do, about what kind of reception I’d receive from the first church of Stanton folks I was sure to see. Pastor Dave of course I was able to recognize along with Charlie and my cousin Daryl. None of them rushed up to say hi when they saw me but I didn’t expect that. I approached Dave and told him I’d heard about his neck and asked how he was doing. He seemed appreciative of my concern. It is hard for me to read other’s expressions and reactions to know how they feel though some are obvious even to me. When they won’t look at you, keep their eyes averted and answers short, it’s pretty clear something is wrong in their heart.

I went up to the table Charlie, Daryl, and Rita’s husband (I still can’t remember his name) were sitting at and said “Hi”. Charlie was the most open. Daryl didn’t say a word till I addressed him directly. Rita’s husband never turned to look at me even when I tapped him on the shoulder. What should I read in this? I don’t know but wonder. What do they say when I’m gone? Why haven’t they shown any of the love that is the foundation of their Christian faith? Many have told me to let it go but I can’t help but to be bothered by this seeming rejection of some. Not once has anyone ever visited despite my repeated invitations. What do I want? I want them to be better Christians, to practice their belief, to walk the talk, to at least take the time to know who we are. Ephesians 4:32-5:2 says “And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma. I’d love to see and experience that. Now I know I’ve spouted off on this blog about the whole thing and am sure I’ve offended though I feel I only spoke the truth. So forgive. It’s a choice and a sacrifice.

The paranoia that is an unavoidable and common part of this brain injury has me thinking they gossip and judge us, or at least me and Cherie because of me. I have no way of knowing otherwise but it’s a natural fear as I seek to understand this distance imposed on us. There were two who said hi on their own. One seemed vaguely familiar and does tax work. He was very pleasant and seemed comfortable. The other guy I don’t have a clue of recognition for but he seemed absolutely pleased to see me. He was a younger guy with a “Cops” hat on and really wanted to know how things were going. That was really good. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

The men’s rally was fantastic. I knew the singing would be from the time I went last year at pastor Dave’s invitation. Ed likes to sit up front where he “can see the whites of their eyes” so we were in the second or third row. The guest speaker preached on “What would Jesus do?”. That’s always a good premise to live by. My prayer is it others be “Doers of the word, not hearers only”.

Today is supposed to be beautiful, getting up to 71 degrees without the nasty winds we had yesterday. That should help me get a lot done, especially if I stay sharp. I don’t know what I did yesterday but know I was tired at the end of it. We need to order our stuff from the Henry Field’s catalog as some of their specials have already expired. It won’t take long to go through the funds we have earmarked for these purchases. The blueberry bushes take two to three years before the bear fruit. It’s all an investment in time, long term planning for a good future.