Cloudy outside and inside

5/31/06 Wednesday
7:32 – I am pretty cloudy this morning. Running a 4 on the Bob scale. Cherie is going to work early because she has a doctors appointment and wants to make up the time. I am to take Fred to the barber shop this morning.

8:32 – I am not doing very well this morning. Some mornings I clear up early but not this one. We are waiting to hear from Larry or the lawyer on the estate. I think he read the blog yesterday and I am pretty sure my sister Robin did. I am working on the love story but had to E mail Cherie because I don’t remember how I asked her to marry me the first time. Was it the formal get on my knees thing or did it simply come out as we talked? I think I will go ahead and post this and then fix breakfast.
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11:48 – That was not fun. I just returned from taking Fred to the barber for his hair cut. He was in a decent mood as evidenced by his putting a little tune to the whistle he always has as he tries to breath with his emphysema.

After his haircut I took Fred to the post office where he mailed all of his payments out as he does on the first of every month. Then we went to Kroger where he bought some TV dinners. Fred was getting confused easily but that’s OK. I am used to that. I wasn’t as helpful as usual because I was still pretty slow. When we were done I took Fred home and carried his groceries in.

There was a flier with the mail and he saw the one for Arby’s. “Five for five” Fred said. This is a promotion Arby’s has been using for years and Fred always gets it wrong. “It’s four for five Fred” I corrected him. “You hungry?” he asked me. “Sure, I’ll eat one” I let him know. We planned on taking his car to the dealership to have them look at the brakes or whatever is making noise. “Fred, do you want to get the Arby’s before or after taking the car in?” I asked and then made a suggestion “It will take some time for them to look at the car so how about we get Arby’s before so we can eat while we wait”.

That worked for him so I went to Arby’s. Pulling up to the speaker I gave our order “We want the four for five deal. Make that with one ham and cheese and the rest beef. I want one of the beef ones without cheese”. Then I pulled up to the window. When the order came I asked “Do you have the ham and the one without cheese marked?”. She said yes so I took the bag.

Handing the bag to Fred I headed over to the dealership. Fred started going through the bag looking for his ham sandwich. “Fred, why don’t you let me do that. I can see what is what” I said. No that wasn’t going to do so I watched as he took the first sandwich out, unwrapped it, took it apart, and as he poked his finger into the meat said “This is beef”. “Fred, don’t do that” I exclaimed, trying to get him to quit. He proceeded to open every sandwich saying “I can’t find the ham”. I am still driving so can’t keep my eye on him. “Here it is” I heard him say as we pulled into the dealership. I parked and looking over watched Fred eating a beef sandwich. The one I had ordered with no cheese was the first one Fred had mauled.

Fred wanted to sit in the car and eat and said I should too. “No Fred. I’m going to the service desk to get this going” I told him. It was just before lunch so the service rep suggested I come back at one. That was fine so we headed out. “how did you like the beef sandwich?” I asked to let him know I was aware he had picked the wrong one. Fred planned on giving two of the sandwiches to his friend Tom at the gas station across the street. “Fred, go ahead and give them my sandwich too” I told him as I watched him sniffling and wiping his nose and mouth with his hand. “Don’t you want it?” Fred said. I told him no so he started getting bothered. Understand I am not doing well as it is so finally I told him “Fred, I wish you wouldn’t be so proud and would have let me pick your sandwich out. I can see what is what. I don’t want to eat something you had your fingers all over”. “I didn’t touch your sandwich” he protested then told me he can see. “No You Can’t” I said, ending the conversation. He offered to buy me another sandwich but I said I didn’t want one. I just wanted to get home.
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1:50 – Now I am at Ed Schmidt getting Fred’s car looked at. I dropped Wayne’s paperwork off at LMHA just before I got here. I managed to remember to put the medical records he wants returned into the knapsack I carry this laptop in. Don’t know how long I will be here waiting for them to figure the car out. If it’s not too long and I remember I will go see Wayne after this. I half expect Fred to call saying “Where are you” when he notices his car is gone.

4:39 – Just got back from the dealership. That was a long wait. They found that the two back tires were what the mechanic called “Cut”. He showed it to me and basically they have like bumps or ridges on them where they didn’t wear evenly. After talking with the used car manager the two tires will be replaced for free with new ones. That is good. This dealership has been great after I went and raised hell for Fred a couple of times. I am impressed and would now recommend them.

As I sat in the customer lounge I reviewed the E mails Cherie and I exchanged when we were first getting back in touch. Am doing this because these E mails convey the emotions of this period of time better than anything I can write. As I read them it brought back the feelings and memories of this precious and amazing time. I am and will remain amazed at how life has turned for us.

Now that I am home I checked my E mail. There was one from Connie, Cherie’s youngest sister. She had wanted to post it on the blog but had difficulties. There have been others who had a problem here so I need to check on this. At least they send me E mails.

Connie’s E mail was long and detailed. You don’t know how glad I was to see it. It is communication and communication is the most valuable thing one can have. I don’t have a problem at all with someone not agreeing with me or telling me I am wrong. In fact I like to hear this. Why would I want to hear from someone who doesn’t agree with me? First of all because I can be and often am wrong. If I am wrong I really appreciate someone telling me. I don’t like to be wrong and don’t know of anyone who does so when you correct me you are helping me understand what I am doing. Thanks.

When people don’t talk they sit in their separate camps and imagine what the other side is thinking or up to or they sit around working themselves up about something. This goes beyond the agendas of individuals and applies to nations as well. With communication comes understanding, and with understanding can come peace. Doesn’t always work, look at North Korea, but it is worth a try.

Connie referred to my Monday entry where I talked about bitterness and my father in law. In that paragraph I said it would be nice if I could just go over there and talk. I still feel this way and always will. I never desired to cause a big rift but it is there. I can blame my brain damage for some of this but not much really. I do say what I think without considering the consequences. This problem actually got me put in jail when I told the director of the Volunteers of America he was running a dope house and should be exposed. It was true. He wasn’t running a dope house but his staff was stealing medications from the inmates who were in the transitional program to get them back in society. They (the inmates) were cooking crack in the dorms and some were in cahoots with a few staff members to sell the drugs. When I announced I would call channel 24 about it I was handcuffed the next day and placed in jail without charges ever being filed. My point is brain damage doesn’t make you real smart. It doesn’t make you stupid, just not too wise where you don’t think things through.

So talking is good. Period. I won’t agree with everything someone says and I am sure they won’t agree with me but at least we understand each other. Thanks Connie for writing. That is the first real communication I have had from the family. It helped me understand and think about some things. Would love to hear more. That goes for the rest of you guys also. Hell, if my brother would bother to talk we could have been done with the estate months ago.

I got to cook dinner so need to go now.