Tuesday, May 16, 2006

A spot of sun

I look out the window as I go to post this. There is a bright beam of sunlight illuminating this building. All I can see is a solid expanse of dark heavy clouds moving south but I am bathed in sunlight. I look outside and see the clouds seem to split overhead to let this light in. Keeps splitting. Most peculiar but cool.

5/16/06 Tuesday
11:05 – I am up, showered, shaved, fixed breakfast, and watched Dr. Phil. I don’t think I would do things the way he does but I like how he can check someone in a hurry. Anyway, I watch Dr. Phil to learn how to understand others as well as learning how to help. It would just be nice to be able to remember what I learn, especially when I need it. I figure I get some of it by osmosis, that despite being unable to remember a show some of it still resonates down in my core. This then colors decisions and responses thus has a positive effect. You are what you feed yourself, especially me considering how much is new, replacing what was lost in the wreck.

As you can tell I am feeling introspective or something like that. Today I have nothing on my calendar but I know Fred wanted me to take him somewhere after Cathy was done doing some work for him. Don’t remember where. I also think Barb needed to go to get groceries because her check is supposed to come today. I need to finish up the love story. OK.. as I wrote I remember I had poured dishwater. Excuse me for a minute.

Got that done. Now where was I? Oh yeah! “What am I going to do today?”. That was the question I was answering. So ultimately I am going to hang by the phone till someone calls. “RINGG” There’s the kitchen phone. Hang on>

That was Sharon. She called to let us know that the guy who beat her got twenty one months in prison with twenty one more on tap if he violates parole. She is breathing a big sigh of relief and tells me she has “Committed it to the Lord”. I think of the power of religion to bring safety and comfort to one who believes as she told me of how she would be praying for this guy every day. It ultimately is the power of faith regardless of what that faith is in. It is an “I can do” attitude on steroids as it is fueled by religious conviction. The concept of an eternity of peace and joy just ahead makes all the misery of this life pale in its’ impact. Just a moment of hardship in the scheme of things. This brings strength to deal with the problems of life, courage to forge ahead.

Good morning! I now wait for the phone to ring again. I think I will look at the Love Story and see what comes out as I continue it. If there is no inspiration I will carve a little.

This will take a while. I went back to research this last part of the Love Story by reading the E mails Cherie and I wrote to each other. This is something else, the memory and record of Cherie and I coming together. I could see the shape I was in through the E mails and the conditions of my life. E mail was the only way we talked for a month. This was because we were both afraid of causing pain

Fred just called. He wants to go to Ed Schmidt Chevy. Time to get my shoes on.

That wasn’t bad. Fred wanted an explanation of his bill and to bitch in general. He headed for the general managers office when I explained he needed to talk to Mark in finance. “Yeah, lets talk to Mark” Fred said changing his course. I walked along and when we came up to Marks office I can see he is with a customer through the plate glass window. “Fred, he’s with someone, lets sit over here and wait” I was saying when I turned around to see Fred blindly waving through the glass to who he thought was Mark. I heard Mark’s voice saying “I’ll be with you in a couple of minutes” so suggested “Fred, let’s sit over here. It won’t be long”. It would be long.

We sit, I look at the pickup in front of us, Fred says “Get some coffee for yourself”, I go and there is no coffee, so I sit back down. Now Fred is getting impatient. I see him trying to peer over the hood of the pickup into Mark’s office so tell him “He’s still busy Fred. Just relax, Mark knows you’re here”. We did this routine twice more ending with Mark walking out with his customer and going down the hall. Fred starts to get up and say something as he saw Mark abandoning him. “Fred, that guy just bought a car. Mark’s just walking him up front. He’ll be back” I quickly said to comfort him.

Mark came back and walked right out to us, calling Fred by name. “Mr. Reitz, What can I do for you”. He then invited us into his office. Fred sat first and I pulled the second chair away to separate myself from Fred. It’s his problem and I don’t want Mark to be asking me the questions.

Fred started with a “I’m going to tell you just what I think” as I was easing my butt into the chair. “This is going to be fun” I thought as I tried to not allow a smile to run across my face. Mark glanced at me and put his attention back on Fred “What is bothering you?” he asked. Fred started with the price on his title was not the same as the one for his loan. Mark explained the cost of the service agreement and taxes were on the loan. It was going to take more than that.

Mark pulls Fred’s account up on the computer and turning the screen to Fred started “If you look right here…”. “I can’t see a thing. I can’t see” Fred protested so Mark looked at me. “Why don’t you scoot your chair up here and explain what you see?” he said. I looked at the screen full of numbers and turned to Mark. I pointed in Fred’s direction with both of my hands as they rested on Mark’s desk top and said “No…You explain it to him. I already tried”. From there I held on, only cracking up once as I listened to Fred march Mark through his list of dissatisfactions with how things are. Mark was having a hard time also because you know how contagious repressed laughter can be. Fred’s last complaint was about not getting a payment book, “just this damn piece of paper”. “Now I’m going to end up with a room full of paper. What am I going to do with that? I don’t have a last page. They could bill me long after I got the car paid off and I will never know it” Fred went on. Mark patiently answered everyone of Fred’s questions, explaining things till Fred was satisfied. He’s pretty good.

I was glad Fred just wanted to go home after this. I returned a call from Allen. He had called while I was driving with Fred and I told him I didn’t like talking while driving. He just wanted to let me know that I could come over if I wanted. Not really. I explained that it was too close to when Cherie comes home so I wasn’t going to drive twenty miles for a half hour visit, not at the price of gas.

Now I am home. I think I will go back in this journal to the time I met Cherie again. It is hard to believe even now as I read the E letters we sent back and forth. I think that I will print many of them in the love story. They convey the poignancy of those moments well.

It is good to be in love folks, especially when it is a deep abiding love. When Cherie and I come together it’s as if it were a chemical reaction that creates joy. We laugh, we hug, we dream. It is good to be in love. Now back to the history this journal contains of our love.

Cherie and I went to the park this evening. The sun doesn't go down till after 8:00now. We couldn't believe how much it has grown up. I took a bunch of pictures and am glad to have the camera back. However it doesn’t seem to be focusing for the close up shots. We did see one deer. I think it was a young buck but he was off by himself.

I wish I could convey what it is like out in the forest. The smells are wonderful, a blend of fresh washed air with the scent of green life making fresh oxygen. Then there would be the scent of some far off flowers wafting with the breeze. We listened to all kinds of birds, crying out for attention or to announce they were in charge of something.

There is a spirit in the air, it is a sense of peace and we cling to it. I will drive from Texas just to smell this air again.

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