Monday, May 29, 2006

Memorial day

5/28/06 Sunday
Busy day? Don’t remember at the moment but I know it has been hot. Suppose I will have to write tomorrow.
In reply to the question, 'What is the best that people can possess, what brings them truest happiness, what is the sweetest of the sweet, and what is the pleasantest life to live?' the Buddha answered:
'Trust is the best that people can possess; following the way brings happiness; truth is the sweetest of the sweet; and the practice of insight is the pleasantest way to live.'

-Sutta Nipata From "The Pocket Buddha Reader," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2000. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston,

5/29/06 Memorial day (Monday)
Good morning world. I will have a good day and accomplish as much as I am able. The brain is running at an 8 on the Bob scale. This will be a warm day, 93 degrees and high humidity, kind of like being in a swamp. There has been much on my mind and I have been debating what and how to write about it. At the moment I am examining the results of my search for “What is a man”. This will help me gather my thoughts for an essay with that title. Cherie has gone shopping for summer clothes at Saver’s, a thrift shop that is right down the road. They are having a sale and Cherie does sales well. This is her forte. I can carve and Cherie can shop. We all have our area of strength. Think I will hit the shower and turn on the air conditioner. I know it is only 9:20 in the morning but it is already getting muggy and hot. Being on the top floor of this apartment building, just under a flat roof makes it pretty warm. Great in the winter but hard at this time of the year.

I tried on the clothes that Cherie bought for me. They are great and fit well. It is nice to be able to look good for Cherie and fit the image she likes. I am a chameleon in that regard and can fit into any category. I have no problem with that. I have been a biker and a business owner. I am as comfortable in a suit and tie as I am in jeans and a ripped up Harley shirt with a bandana on. What some would call a “Geek” look doesn’t bother me and neither does looking like I lived on the street. Of course the fact that I have lived in both of those worlds has something to do with it but mostly this comes from not being ashamed of who I am or what I do. When you live such a life that you are comfortable letting the world see, it allows you to be confident in yourself and to not worry what anyone else thinks.

I just got back from taking Fred to Walmart where he bought a fan for Barb. Cherie’s sister Cathy was there looking for a fan also but evidently didn’t want to talk or even say hi. She stayed out of view till Fred and I wandered on. No surprise there. I never saw her, Cherie told me about it when I got home. Shopping with Fred is always an experience. As I described each fan to Fred in a voice loud enough for him to hear the clerk an isle over could hear me. As Fred questioned me about if there was a fan like the one he had bought for Barb before I heard a voice coming from the other isle “We’re sold out of box fans”. I helped Fred decide on a fan so we could move on.

That done Fred wanted to look at laundry detergent, sort of. First it was “I want to get some Oxy Clean” then it was “Do you think I should get some laundry soap for Barb?”. As this conversation proceeded I heard a woman’s voice floating over from other side of the displays saying “Oxy Clean is over here”. I am sure others always get a kick out of the show when I take Fred shopping. We got everything and I think Fred knew I was tired so we headed for the registers. I picked a short line and guided Fred into it. As soon as we were there he wanted to get in another line. I am not real patient today and told Fred “You pick what line you want in Fred and I’ll just follow”. He cannot even see how many people are in a line, for that matter he can’t tell if a parking space is clear or not. He figured it out and just stayed in the line I picked.

From there we went to Barb’s to deliver the fan and soap. Dixie is back from the hospital now. They kept her two weeks this time. When they came to get take her away it required two cops and handcuffs. The police had to carry her to the ambulance. For those of you who don’t know Dixie is the schizophrenic woman who lives in Barb’s complex. Barb asked if I would take Dixie to cash her check. That I will do. I assembled the fan for Barb and had her go get Dixie saying “If she’s not ready I’m out of here, so go get her moving”. She did so I got her loaded in the car and took her to the carryout she cashes her check at. Then Barb hints that Dixie needed to get some food so I took them to the grocery store. “Just go in and get what you need. It’s 90 degrees out and we don’t want to sit in this hot car any longer than we have to so make it quick. Barb you go with her to keep her moving”. Dixie is known to take an age or two to shop so I figured that would help. After a while I went in the store to make sure they were motivating. Dixie was moving along pretty well but got frustrated when I explained we needed to move.

With that done I took them home. Driving up I saw Basil walking between the buildings. Barb has been hiding Basil ever since he got out of jail and I went off for her letting him back in and lying to me about it. “Tell Basil I said hi” I told Barb. “Basil?” Barb feigned ignorance. “Yeah Barb, I just saw him” I said and she came up with a “He must just be visiting someone” to explain this away. I don’t really care so leave it alone.

Finished with all that I went and got gas. Fred bought me a Rally burger and we came home. Now I am tired. It is frustrating for me to fatigue so quickly but that is how it is and always will be. As I get older it will get worse but we will prepare for that as we build the farm.

Cherie just came home and I could tell instantly that she had been to her parents house by the drawn look on her face. It always makes her sad and frustrated to go over there because of what she sees. There is not much we can do and trying is not even allowed.

That brings me to what has been on my mind for a couple of days now. Folks, look at my last entry, the one for Saturday. Can anyone see anything offensive in there? Please write your opinion in the comment section or send me an E mail. Evidently there was a big uproar at the in-law’s house about it. I reread it and Cherie went through it a few times to see what the deal was. Cherie went over there Saturday and they were up in arms. The Beverly Hillbilly reference from Thursday was a part of that.

When you look for evil you will find it where it doesn’t exist. There is nothing I can say that won’t be construed as offensive but that’s OK. I live with as much integrity as I can muster. What I do with my life is to help others as much as I can. There is nothing I am ashamed of in how I live my life today. There is much in my past I am ashamed of but I have put all of that on open display. This is my way of dealing with that for as the light of scrutiny shines on these things they shrivel up and turn to dust. None of us has lived a perfect life but all of us can face our past and move on to a better future. My past is what gives me wisdom and gives me the ability to see clearly where other’s paths will take them. Been there, done that.

It's not what you see that can harm you. It is what you don't see. One must open their eyes to the world around them to truly know the path to take.

As Cherie and I discussed things I told her “Cherie, if you see some one drowning you have to throw them a life preserver. If you don’t you will carry that the rest of your life. If they refuse to grab the life preserver that is their choice and is on them but you are free, for you tried”. There is a verse in the Bible that spells things out simply. “If a man knows what is right to do and does not do it, to him it is a sin”. If you know what is right and don’t do it that reflects on your integrity. Many live a lie, doing what they know isn’t good but denying and justifying their actions, thus choosing not to see themselves as they truly are. Kinda like an anorexic looking in a mirror and seeing fat instead of the skin and bones that is really there.

Cherie’s dad asks every day “What did he write this time” looking for something else to feed his bitterness. The more you feed a monster the bigger and stronger it gets, until it devours you. It would appear that there is a feeding frenzy over there with Nate and daddy in law. It is sad but they seem to want it this way. I would love to go over and just talk but they aren’t open to that. They don’t seem to be able to see that I am not an evil person as should be evidenced by the way I live my life. I guess it is not that they are unable to see, it is that they choose not to.

Oh well, enough of this. I need to get back to studying for my essay on “What is a man”.

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