reminders

A morning moon. (two days ago, give or take a few)


12/28/07 Friday
It has been a less than pleasant morning. The pain level is high and I have a slight headache as well. I don’t mind waking at two o’clock to put more wood on the fire. That’s not a problem at all. Sometime after we got up I realized I had left the sprinkler on all night. As with all things I couldn’t be sure because I can’t rely on my memory. Cherie told me I went out last night specifically to turn it off. That gave me some hope but I still had to go out and check. Yes I had left it on. Even in the dark morning light I could see the lake where the sprinkler was. At twenty seven degrees that will probably be ice. The running water prevented the hose from freezing.

What bothers me most is that this is another reminder that I have a disability. Everyone I talk to tells me they have the same problems. “Oh, I do that” is a common statement. I was telling one person how I can be driving along and suddenly nothing is familiar. I don’t know where I am and don’t remember where I’m going. “That happens to me” he said. It’s almost like they are saying it’s not a big deal, dismissing it in a way like it's just a normal thing. I know this kind of thing happens but there comes a point where it can be a big deal. We've all heard of how a senior citizen starts doing things like leaving a pot on the burner. That's when it's a big deal because it can be, and sometimes is life threatening. There were many times in Toledo I would leave water running in the sink as I prepared to wash dishes and forgetting would flood the apartment.

So this time I went out specifically to perform an important task, turning off the water and wrapping the faucet to prevent it from freezing and breaking. Instead I brought in firewood, which I had also planned to do. That moment’s distraction was all it takes for me to forget what I really wanted to do. This is all day long all the time stuff for me. It’s like a four year old who needs a mommy to remind him of what he was supposed to do. “Did you do what I asked?” would be a normal thing to hear in that situation. I do well for a bit but have these reminders. I still haven’t finished the “year in pictures” thing I was, or am putting together to send to our friends and family. It was supposed to be for Christmas. The Christmas cards to go along with that are still sitting here. There are tons of things around here I’ve started and never finished. For those who think it's not a big deal because they experience it too, imagine it's constant, all day long. I just lost another pair of gloves a few minutes ago. Put them down and they are gone. Yeah, I know, you do that too. Fifty, a hundred times a day as you wander from task to task forgetting what your were doing or going to do?

So I’ll pick myself back up and get moving. It’s discouraging and depressing but I am used to that, I guess.