Sunday, September 19, 2010

a rough Sunday morning

9/19/10 Sunday
This morning I am disturbed in my spirit. There are doubts plaguing my thoughts, questions about my salvation and worries about what I’ve said and how it’s been received. I wonder who I’ve again offended, I question if I’m correct in what I see and what I think about what I see. Is my theology correct, my interpretation of what I read in the bible? Am I rejected by God? How difficult this is. I pray and don’t know if God hears it. What an attack this all is! Bam, a flood of doubt washes over me, robbing me of confidence and faith. It will be good to go to church today.

I went out to pick tomatoes to take to church when all this hit. Only picked two tomatoes. There are more but I gathered the rotten and damaged ones first and removed a fat tomato worm. Then I put the bad tomatoes in the worm bins to feed them. Pulled weeds and looked at how much work I’ve failed to do. That just adds to the despair. How I need a recharging of my soul. Called Stepping Stone to see if Sam was ready for us to pick up and take to church but he evidently already left to go to a church with Tony. I wonder if I said something to upset him, all part of this wave of doubt. It’s a rough Sunday morning.


Gwynne said...

We all have these days, some more than other. This too will amazes me how far down the path of doubt God will sometimes allow us to go before pulling us back from the ledge. Sometimes all it takes is a smile, or a small affirmation, and suddenly all is right again. Nobody knows the rollcoaster better than you do! One day at a time...

Bob said...

So true Gwynne. Always appreciate your, and everyone else' comments. I get lots of encouragement through this blog. It did pass and I know it will attack again, but that's life.