Thursday, November 19, 2009

Toledo danger on my mind

11/19/09 Thursday
I lost a chunk of yesterday but cleared up and got a second wind towards sundown. So I put the fisherman’s headlight on and worked after it got dark. This morning the pain in my bones was high so I suspect a front moved through. It’s gorgeous out there so I want to get moving and take advantage of both the weather and a clear mind. There is a slim possibility of rain tonight so I will work on sowing the rye seed. Part of that project requires that I bolt together the old tires and chain them to the three point hitch I took the plow blade off of. This I will use to cover the seed after it’s sowed and will be a lot quicker than raking five acres under by hand.

Cherie will fax the paperwork over that will transfer my inheritance to us. Not sure how long that will take but it should be available when I go to Toledo in the first week of December. Cherie is stressing real bad about that. I wish she could go with me just for her assurance. I’ll call her every day. She’s not good about being alone and I am a great source of security and comfort for her. Last night she asked “Do you want to know what I fear?”. I already knew but also know that she needs to express it and needed my reassurance. The nearly twenty years she lived alone after our divorce were hell on her so I understand that fear of being alone and losing me again. The fact is though, that Cherie is also my assurance and having her in my life is a primary factor preventing me from even wanting to return to my old life. So I will take Cherie with me in my heart when I go to Toledo. Cherie and God will be my shield against all the temptations Toledo offers.

When I go it will be a whirlwind of activity. There’s the auto auction and farm equipment sales, which are my primary reasons for making the trip. Then I hope to help Suzie obtain the life insurance from her mom’s death. There are lots of emotions to deal with there and Suzie’s emotions are the reason she hasn’t done this. I want to spend some time with my two sons, another source of great emotion. I’ll visit with my ex and see if she still wants to give me the wood burner that sits unused in what used to be my house. I hope to work through lots of the garbage that’s connected to that divorce. Not so much for me as for her but she can help me fill in some of the blanks in my memories of that time. We were able to talk on the phone a week ago without too much bitterness coming out.

Plus I have so many friends to visit, people I lose touch with over the miles. My friend, Sonny, died a few weeks ago so I will drop by and see his brother. There’s a long list of old friends and people to check on. Odds are I won’t see them all in the week I’ll be there, but I’ll try. Then it’s hopefully going to be a long drive back to Texas with a new truck pulling a trailer full of farm equipment. I’ll stop in St Louis on the way back and visit the people there who helped me so much as I recovered from the accident. People who loved me despite being in bad shape, or maybe because of it. People who gave me clothes, food, and a place to stay. Along with that a visit to the Brain Injury Institute that helped me so much before I was yanked up and extradited to Toledo.

So there is a lot on my mind. Time to go, got work to do.
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I kept busy and suppose I got a lot done, but nowhere near what I wanted to do. I’m worn out now. Didn’t realize how tired I was till I came in and laid down for a minute while Cherie got dinner ready. When she brought it in and I went to sit up it hit me. Sitting up hurt and was a chore. I’ll go to bed early tonight. Got some good sunset pictures so here’s one of them.

2 comments:

Amy said...

something I found out in covering seed, a section of chain link pulled behind the tractor works great, never used tires, but it might work too.

Bob said...

Saw the tires used for that on a picture when researching bermuda grass seed. Looked good and it was a professional outfit so figured they knew what they were doing.