A clear end for the day

It’s a downhill slide. Both ears are ringing and I am running pretty slow. Tried to publish a picture on the blog but it wouldn’t work. Then I tried to find help in the blogger stuff but just got confused. The more I tried the more confused I got. Right now I would guess I am down to a 3 on the Bob scale. My typing speed is pretty slow. The migraine is still there but not as bad. It’s hard to tell just how slow I am until I have to talk with someone. That brings it out. I think I will go back to bed now. This sucks.

8:00 – I am doing just fine. I hate it when I lose a whole day. Now I am running at an 8 on the Bob scale. I wish I could arrange the slow times to happen late in the day instead of right in the middle of it. I am going to write Wayne’s story now. Never got to it before.

We had hamburgers for dinner. I mixed jalapeños in mine. Good for the cholesterol. After that I made oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips, raisons, and pecans. Too good and too rich which will make us too fat. But we’re having fun getting there. I got Cherie laughing so hard she spewed the mini marshmallows she was eating all over. Yeah I did it on purpose. Caught her right after she had a mouthful and started acting like a fool. It works every time cause I got the acting like a fool thing down pat. Nothing like a lifetime of practice, of course now I do it for fun but before I did it cause I was an idiot.

It is 11:00 at night now. Of course my mind is awake and active. Go figure. I explored some of the traces from hits on this blog and found a blog called “Grits with breakfast”. Cool stuff. I like this guy and he is involved in some issues near to my heart such as prison reform and many other areas where the government needs someone with a flashlight uncovering what they want to keep hidden. I just finished the first draft of the paper I transcribed for Wayne. This will hopefully be taken to the M.S. national office and help them develop policy for their future. This is just the first draft so it will go through revisions. I’m open to suggestions. Hell I’m always open for any input.

My life with Multiple Sclerosis
By Wayne Schmitz

When I was first diagnosed with M.S. I didn’t know a thing about this disease. I didn’t think it would change my life too much. Boy was I wrong.
I’ve worked hard all my life. As a young man I was in the army during the Vietnam war. After that I went into the steel working trade, welding and pipe fitting in the ship yards and then in an iron foundry. When that plant shut down I went to school and became a truck driver. I was doing good in life, or at least I thought so. The trucking job came to an end so I took a position as a security guard till something else opened up. This was in 1996.
After a ten hour shift I was worn out. My but, tailbone, and lower back were all killing me so I figured a good scalding hot shower would help. I turned the pulsating shower head on and let the heat soak into my muscles. That’s when it happened. My legs went numb and just died and I collapsed in the shower. I yelled for my son and he came in with his girlfriend. She was a nurse at St. Vincent’s hospital. At her insistence I went to the hospital. I really didn’t want to because I always took care of my problems and would just tough things out.
After three or four days of testing they gave me a spinal tap. That was when Dr. Mareska, the neurologist, told me I had Multiple Sclerosis. It really didn’t register. I’ve heard about it but didn’t have a clue what it was and meant. I kept on working and things didn’t really change for about six years. Walking long distances was getting harder and after a while even short distances took a bit out of me. This made my job tough because as a security guard in a large refinery my hourly route required walking a pretty good distance.
It became known I was diagnosed with M.S. and the security company began writing me up for offenses I never committed. These were used to justify firing me. I didn’t think it would be hard to get another job but I was wrong. I wouldn’t lie on my applications and frankly didn’t understand the stigma that came with having this disease. I found that I could no longer drive truck because of M.S.
It didn’t matter how many applications I put in for work, regardless of what the job was. No one was going to hire me, I think because of the potential impact it would have on their health insurance but I don’t really know. All I know is I was losing everything at an increasing pace. Walking was getting harder, my savings were eaten up as I struggled to hold on, and it seemed harder for me to think and remember.
I had to park my car in front of my son’s place because I couldn’t afford to get the plates renewed. I put what I valued most in it because I couldn’t even afford to pay for a storage unit. That included things like pictures and records that can’t be replaced along with most of my clothes. I had talked to the landlord and he agreed to give me time to move my stuff out of the apartment because I still had time left on the month.
I called the MS Society for help and was told they could only give me a small, one time financial assistance and that was it. I came home to find that all my furniture had been moved out to the street and everyone was going through it, taking what they wanted. My car had been towed for the expired plates and was sold. I was unable to recover the personal possessions that had been stored inside it. Now I was homeless and destitute, with only the clothes on my back.
I made it to St. Paul’s homeless shelter where I met Bob Westbrook, who was to become a good friend and more. He too was homeless due to a brain injury and a resulting memory loss. He had been learning how to do basic things like ride the bus and, more importantly how to access the government agencies that are set up to help those who were in dire straits.
Bob worked to get the Veterans Administration motivated by filing grievances and acting as an advocate. He showed me how to take the bus to places I needed to go and then got me approved for Section 8 housing. This got me out of the homeless shelters, which were not the safest environments. Then he took me to Family Services and got me approved for food stamps. Through his efforts and because of his ability to write I learned there was a program that would pay me $115 a month while waiting for my Social Security Disability to be approved.
That is another area Bob has been working hard on. Much of this I didn’t have a clue about and was just living from day to day, happy to get food and a bed to sleep in. Without his guidance I would still be in the homeless shelters, unaware of what was available to me. We are now on our third year fighting to get my disability. The doctors that Social Security sent me to see, who were to verify I had MS and was disabled, never bothered to even send in any paperwork on me. Thus I was denied again and again. I am sure that these doctors, who work for the DDS program funded by the Federal government but administered by the state of Ohio through the Ohio Rehabilitation Commission, got paid for seeing me. Evidently there is no oversight to insure they do what they are paid to do. And people like me are the victims of this corruption.
It’s been a hard struggle but I don’t give up easily, I never will. I fight the pains of M.S. everyday, both physically and mentally. My M.S. has slowly been getting aggressive but like I said I’m not giving up.

I am transcribing this for Wayne. The next two pages were a description of his physical and mental condition. I thought it would help to sum it up here. Wayne has Primary Progressive Multiple Scleroses. His pain level is fairly high and mobility is limited to the point where a walk through the grocery store stretches his limits. He requires a walker to get around. His cognizance is not too bad though he has difficulty maintaining a train of thought. The short term memory is an increasing problem that I am teaching him methods to compensate for.
I would like to say that what Wayne needed the most at the start of this ordeal was simple guidance and advice. This would have prevented his loss of everything and helped him navigate the maze of bureaucracy that can confuse anyone much less someone experiencing the pain and mental confusion Wayne has. I will put his last four sentences just as he wrote them. Bob Westbrook.

It’s like your looking for help but you don’t know where to go. You have to rely on others because you can’t remember what to do. God please keep helping me. You ever feel like you’re screaming for help but no one listens to you.
(signed) Wayne Schmitz Sr.

I suppose that should do it. Cherie has gone to bed and I should also but I like to take advantage of these moments of mental clarity because I never know how long they will last. It is what I call “Prime time”. I lost much of the day and that always frustrates me.

I wear my sunglasses at night

3/14/06 Tuesday
It’s Toledo. Yesterday the temperature went over 70 and this morning there are snow flurries and it’s 24 degrees. That’s OK with me, I’m used to it, just keeping y’all up to date on things.

At the moment this brain is operating at a 7 on the Bob scale. My right ear is ringing and I have no idea what that portends. It does this allot. Sometimes it means nothing but sometimes it is one of the precursors to a slow down. Who knows what’s coming. I am thinking that the instability of this brain is something that comes and goes in long ebbs and flows. I go for weeks with few slow downs and the have a period where they are increased both in frequency and duration. If this is due to stress levels is unclear to me. Partly because I can’t remember. I do know that the last few days have been hard.

Today I am to take Wayne to the VA for lab tests. I better call him and see if he is supposed to fast and make sure he does. There was no answer so odds are he is still asleep or in the bathroom. I think I need to buy him an answering machine.

I finally got a hold of Wayne. He had turned the ringer off because of more phone calls at 3:00 or so in the morning. They are usually high and abusive, always asking for some woman. I can’t blame him for turning the ringer off and this strengthens my resolve to get him an answering machine. Wayne didn’t look at his calendar this morning so didn’t fast like he was supposed to for his lab work. I rescheduled him for tomorrow.

I also called Ellen, my ex wife’s cousin. She was surprised to hear from me, wondering why I was calling. We talked a bit about how things are going for each of us. She will be having another back surgery. She said she broke her ankle around Christmas. Her brother bought the house from her mother, which is not good news as they don’t get along. She is looking for another place to live and would prefer to buy one. She is on disability so that makes the budget tight. I told her I had information about government programs for those in her position. I think we do but will have to check with Cherie on that.

I told Ellen about the blog but Ellen doesn’t do computers at all. This is because it was working at a computer at Blue Cross for years is what caused the damage leading to her disability. Hearing that made me think of the pain I go through while sitting at this computer. That is why I sometimes lay in bed with the laptop on my knees. Hurts allot less.
I also called my son Adam when I saw that the instant messenger face was on next to his name in Yahoo. No one answered so I left another message. I’ll keep trying.

I’ve got a headache on the way. Still running about a seven. Fixed a big breakfast/lunch. Four eggs, grits, flour gravy, and toast. I won’t need to eat for the rest of the day, or at least till dinner. I need to write Wayne’s story so if I start on it now it stands a better chance of getting done.

Cherie came home for lunch as I was writing the previous paragraph. We talked about things and she reminded me to call and set up a time for the orientation at Direct Buy. Cherie said she was worrying that we had made a wrong decision there. That is Cherie’s way, no matter what she worries about it. I reassured her “Cherie, the math works no matter how you look at it. We’re going to spend a ton of money on the farm over the next two years and most of what we need Direct Buy has. That includes things like windows and lots of other stuff”. She felt better and told me so. I said to forget about worrying “We’re blessed. You worried after you married me didn’t you?”. “Yes” she said with a sheepish smile on her face. “Well that worked out. Your not worried now are you?” I said, smiling because I know the answer to that. This put a big smile on her face, which always makes my heart smile.

While we were talking I put my sunglasses on because the headache is moving to migraine and the light from the windows was beginning to hurt my eyes. I joked and sang the refrain from the song “I Wear My Sunglasses At Night” changing the words to I wear my sunglasses in the house. Now she is gone back to work. I have closed the blinds and taken aspirin and a Tramadol. I’ll hold off on the Zomig till it gets real bad. I suppose I’ll take this laptop and the five pages Wayne wrote to the bedroom and work on that.

A walk in the park

The walk in the park was great as always. The ground was pretty mushy in some spots from all the rain we had last night and this morning when the front that caused all the tornadoes in Missouri and Illinois rolled through.
You can see from the pictures just how flooded things are. Cherie was real tired because she was on her feet all day at work. As we walked we both heard a snort. Cherie looked at me and said “Did you hear that?”. “Yeah honey, that’s a deer. They stay out of sight till it gets closer to sunset” I let her know. A few feet farther up the path Cherie said “Look” and pointed into the woods.I couldn’t see it till it moved. It was a big doe.
Cherie has sharp eyes that can discern things through the thick leafless forest. And I’m supposed to be the woodsman.

We went on down the path we usually take, taking in the remarkable changes and flooding from the storm. When we got to Swan Creek it was way over its banks. I took pictures as Cherie looked for more deer. We didn’t find any, which was no surprise.

We got to the platform that overlooks two tributaries that come together and feed the creek. It is one of the places we usually stop and rest at. I took some pictures and as you can see Cherie stretched out and relaxed. By now the sun had come out and brightened the forest up.

Cherie and I basked in it and went on talking about how we would miss this part of Ohio. While we were looking at the flooded woods I told Cherie to take a good look, “We won’t see water like this in Texas”.

I took more pictures and this was when I got the one showing the clouds and edge of the forest. Cherie was wearing out so we came home. We didn’t feel like a big dinner so I melted some cheese with salsa and we had that with chips. Of course we had to finish up with some of the Bear tracks ice cream Cherie had picked up yesterday. Now we are watching 24 though Cherie is doing some of the sewing she loves. I think I will call it a night now.

Roller Coaster

Hard to hold down,
nimble,
alighting wherever it likes:
the mind.
Its taming is good.
The mind well-tamed
brings ease.
Buddhist wisdom.

I’m not doing good this morning. Running about a four on the Bob scale. That Buddhist saying really doesn’t apply at the moment. Nothing nimble about the mind now. Just talked to Holly at River East about the stuff at the warehouse. It was a little difficult to communicate but I managed. I need to see about the truck and storage unit now. I am having to think through a fog right now as the brain is processing slow. Not the best time for me to be out but need to do this.

3:30 – Just got back from taking care of Barb. I am operating at about an 8 now. Big improvement but that’s the way it is. Nothing like your brain going on a roller coaster ride whenever it feels like it. It’s like being on drugs or drinking but not as bad. I never lose common sense, just can’t process as fast or handle multiple tasks at the slow times.

Fred was a bit…old, this morning. He had me drop by and pick up an old charger he had, from another phone I think, to take and see if it will work on Barb’s phone. Then he asked me to pick up $30 from Tom at the Marathon to use for buying a new charger for Barb’s phone. I told him I could probably fix the cord on her charger and he said that would be good but still buy a new one. When I asked him “What if this charger works” (referring to the one he gave me to try) he said “Don’t you think she should have a new one?”. It’s his money so I wasn’t going to argue.

I got out our cat carrier and went to pick up the money. With that done I headed to Barb’s. She was waiting and had put one of the two cats in a cardboard box. It was struggling to escape and she was struggling to keep the lids closed. We got the other cat into the cat carrier and took them to the car. I told Barb that she would have to sit in the back seat with the cardboard box. When she wondered about that I explained that the last thing I needed was for a cat to be running loose while I was driving down the road. She understood and got in. I had her give me the number of the place, called “Cat Paws and Whiskers”, and called to make sure of the address.

Barb talked about the cats all the way there as the one in the box would scratch her to escape. This is hard for Barb but has to be done. At the cat shelter Barb said her good by’s to these seven month old kittens from one of her other cats. She had plenty of time as the shelter was busy. I could see how she hurt but she handled it OK.

With that done I took her to the phone place to get her charger. Barb talked about her brother, prison, big drug busts, and other things on the way there and back to her home. She’s been through it, that’s for sure. Mostly from being around the wrong people. I gave her a couple of bucks so she could get the breather she had a prescription for. The doc had told her she had the lungs of a seventy year old. This is one of the motivations she has to quit smoking. I need to remember to ask Allen and Eileen if they have any of the nicotine patches I gave them left. I think they should have almost all of them cause neither one quit.

I stopped by the storage unit we had gotten a discount for at the home show to see if their offer still stood. It does so I reserved a unit. Getting home I called Holly at River East. I was going to go there on Thursday but when I looked at the calendar I saw that I am taking Wayne to the MS fund raiser that day. I called Calvin to see if he was still able to help me and he said probably without allot of confidence. Hope he can. Then I called Holly and we got it set up for Friday morning. Should be interesting. The guy they will have supervising me is their scrapper. This guy has been steady cleaning it out and when I called Holly said he was in the back getting more stuff. Who knows what will be there Friday.

I just called Cherie and asked if she would like to go to the park when she gets off work. She is tired but would like to go. It is 70 today and the storm clouds have long since wandered off. The sun is out, I’ve got all the windows open airing out the place, so this is spring weather. Time to get out after a long winter. Wasn’t a bad winter but winter none the less. Time to get out. I’ll have pictures for you.

Stormy morning but things are clearing

3/13/06 Monday
The storms are here. I’ve got the blinds open to watch the lightning. The power of nature always impresses me and puts me in my place. In life there are always things you can’t control so worrying about them is just a waste of time. This line of storms caused over one hundred tornados in Missouri.

This morning both Cherie and I were tired, mostly because we stayed up and watched a “Chick flick” called ten ways to lose a man or something like that. The ending was one of those “I love you” ones where the two main players figure out they had fallen in love after ten days of hell. I found the movie disturbing despite the ending. While I live a love story that is moving to all who hear it was the premise of deception the relationship was based on that bothered me. I’ve been burned by lying and manipulating women too many times and the movie dredged those old feelings up.

That is just one of the wonders with Cherie and I. Trust. trust is something that gives us both peace, that we can put our lives into each others hands without fear or trepidation. In my mind trust is one of the most valuable things there is.

The only thing I have scheduled for today is to take Barb’s cats to get fixed. The cats are a big part of her emotional support as pets often are. Unfortunately they keep having litters and she faces eviction if she has more than one. This will help stabilized things as long as she doesn’t keep taking in strays.

There is a pile of stuff I put on top of my calendar that I need to address. Putting them there will help me to not forget about them. The pain in the small of my back is pretty high this morning. I did something yesterday to aggravate it. Don’t remember what just remember it hurting in the evening.

I was doing OK this morning but I can never count on that to stay the same. As I was cooking my egg sandwich I began having difficulty juggling the tasks. I got through it and came to the table to eat. I went into the kitchen twice to grab a napkin but both times saw something small to do and thus getting the napkin vanished. On the third try I succeeded but by then the sandwich and coffee are cold. I poured dishwater but we will have to wait and see if I wash them. I did put away the dishes I washed yesterday. Took my pill at 7:00 this morning.

Right now sitting at this computer is hard on my back so I am sitting at attention to reduce the pain. This may be one of those days I prop myself up in bed and write with this laptop on my bent knees. That works well with me and allows me to get stuff done. The pain reminds me that I will have to be careful when I work on the house in Texas. As much as I prefer doing things myself I will have to find some reliable help. Otherwise I might cause further injury. I only broke my neck three times and the back once. Got to remember I’m not only damaged but getting older too.

The days end, looking forward to tomorrow

Got the dishes done and showered. Unfortunately I am slowing down pretty fast now. Got that heat flash feel on the surface of the skin. Hate when this happens. Slight headache there but I suspect more is coming so will go ahead and take the pills for it.

It’s 2:16. I am running about a three now. Pretty slow. The slow down started around noon or so. I read what I wrote when it started and it sounds like I showered the dishes. Nah I showered myself, just am not always clear when I am slow. Need to go back to the bedroom where it’s nice and dark. Headache is there but not migraine level. That may be because I took the battery of pills like aspirin and stuff. Not good at writing at the moment. The light hurts my eyes so will take this laptop to the bedroom.

Cherie and I spent some time talking about what we would like to do with the house in Texas. It is exciting for us and also seems like a dream, almost unreal. We still are just amazed at how life turned for us both. We would have never, not even in our wildest imagination, considered the possibility of us coming back together. Now we can build a home together. I look into her eyes and am struck by their beauty while recalling how those eyes had the same effect over twenty years ago.
There is much to do no matter how we approach this project. The first thing is to blueprint the house and give it a thorough inspection. Need to check everything from electrical and plumbing as well as how the house is structurally put together.
The first job is to clean it out. That will require a dumpster and a few trips to Goodwill or someplace we can donate appliances and furniture. Then I will fumigate it to get rid of rodents and the nest of bee’s that is under the house. They may be killer bee’s. I don’t know but they have made it into this part of Texas, at least I think so.
We are going to go the self sustaining route with this farm. For those who are unfamiliar with the term it means to make it as inexpensive as possible to live there. We’re going to have solar or wind power, perhaps both. There is a possibility we will get paid for the electricity we generate. I will be writing the state and federal congressional reps to see about the many programs available to help allay the cost of this. We will install rainwater harvesting and what is called gray water reclamation. This is where all the bath and wash water is filtered and will be used in the garden. No waste here at all.

A composting toilet will allow us to recycle our own waste as well, returning it to the garden where we will grow much of our food. That goes for all the table scraps as well. They will both go to compost and the meats will be chicken food as it is generally unhealthy for a compost pit. Yeah, we’ll have chickens too. Nothing like eggs from well fed chickens. You got to see them to understand. The yolks are a nice dark yellow and the whites are not runny at all. The chicken meat is exceptional also. There is a dramatic difference between a chicken that is fed corn and scraps as well as free ranging for food and one that is raised in a cage and fed crap and hormones. Imagine that! You can call me “Farmer Bob”. Another big change in the long life of extremes. Criminal, drug addict, successful business man, homeless, loving husband, and now a farmer. It’ll be nice to settle down but I will always find some who need help and give it to them.

5:00 – I’m doing better, the brain cleared up a little, up to a six on the Bob scale. The headache has dropped to manageable levels. These partial seizures take a lot out of me. Feel like I just got home from a long days work with lots of stress. I’m not real motivated to do anything but need to force myself to get away from the TV. I think I will try to carve again. Every other time I contemplated doing this it never seemed to happen. Lost my zeal a few weeks ago when I tried but just could not seem to make a cut without causing a problem. Lets see how it works this time.

Never did carve. Cherie came home from doing laundry so we rushed to get to the park before it got to dark. Barb called and set up a time for me to take her cats in to get them fixed. When we got to Swan Creek it was closed for some construction work. Instead we went to the storage unit so I could get my electrical stuff and see about fixing Barb’s phone charger the cats had chewed.

Cherie fixed Chipolte Tilapia fish that was fantastic. Cherie never used to eat fish but she liked it and will get more. There are many areas we have both changed and became more alike since our marriage. Life is good and looking to get better. It is so nice to look forward now. There was a time I dreaded every new day and had nothing to look forward to. Cherie was there also. She just told me that she would go out to Maumee Bay and walk or just sit there and cry. She said it was a good place to cry. We are blessed and hope to share our blessings with others, to improve lives where ever we go. Do good folks and count your blessings. Night all>

Sunday, time to bring darkness to light

3/12/06 Sunday
I was up till 2:00 this morning getting the journal done and published. I’m tired this morning but got E mails from Bruce along with pictures. That is always good. Think I’ll stay in bed a while along with Cherie. The keyboard drawer on our desk fell of with a loud bang when I was closing shop, jerking Cherie awake. She had a hard time getting back asleep so is as tire as I am. Of course I have already had her laughing this morning as I always do. Nice little tradition, start the day laughing.

Still haven’t heard from the guy who inquired about Jim Watson. Hey, 3mmMilkman, drop me a line. Let me know what’s going on. Jim Watson has taken allot of money and hurt several he purported to help. One of the ways he has worked is to get those who are in dire straits to enroll in his program. To do so they must give up all public assistance making them 100% dependant on him. Then he finds work through the churches he enlists to help him fight drug use and other moral evils by “saving” these guys. The “residents” are then set out to work under supervision with Jim getting the money earned. He doesn’t seem to allow access to his books and will always be at a moment of financial desperation. Another part of the program is to enlist outstanding members of the community to be on his board of directors. This automatically gives him the aura of authenticity that helps make others gullible enough to give money without taking the time to know who Jim Watson is and what is his history.

Here in Toledo his publicized regime of Bible study and prayer for the residents was not followed, especially towards the end. I was told that I was no longer welcome to teach Bible study there. That was when he started his kitchen for the poor after wresting use of a former restaurant facility from an existing ministry by lying to the property owner. He told me there was good money in the God business and church donations were better for feeding programs.

Cedar Creek church donated a truck load of clothing for the residents but Jim would only give coats to those who were properly submissive. When a few dared take a coat or pair of pants because they were cold or needed them he would kick them out on the streets. The fact that they no longer had any form of public assistance made things much harder on these victims of Jim’s “ministry”. I was told by several residents that despite Jim’s promise to Cedar Creek to give the unused donated clothes to the Solid Rock he threw them in the dumpster. Some of them were new with the store tags still on them. There is much more to this story that I have documented. If you know where this charlatan is let me know and I will warn all the churches in that area.

Here is a picture of my son in Iraq. Looks like he needs to drink more of the coffee.


It is a beautiful day outside. I think we will go to the park. Haven’t done that in a while. We don’t have anything planned so it could be a relaxing day we can share together. I need to get writing Wayne’s story but right now I am going to wash the dishes before the dishwater I poured gets cold.

The rest of a good day

I’m up now. Suppose I will take up where I left off with the previous entry. (If you didn’t read it go back and do so you twit. Otherwise this may be Greek) Hey! I just woke up so the humor might be a little rough. Nothing like trying to be funny and having it fall flat on it’s face.

I’m not too proud of that type of sales. It was about the only job I could find just after Cherie and I had moved to Toledo in 1980. The economy was tight and I couldn’t find work in my trade as a machinist because I didn’t belong to a union. They really don’t have unions in Texas and Toledo is an old union town where, years ago, literally hundreds died in the early riots connected to the Autolite plants. Now it was “No union card, no job”. So I had a young wife and a new marriage and took whatever job I could find. I didn’t like it but I excelled at it like I have excelled at everything I have done. Unfortunately I excelled at being bad at times also.

Cherie and I had both made the big decision that “We’re not buying anything”. By golly and we’re sticking to that, we’re firm in our resolve, I’m no sucker, I know how this stuff works. Wanna bet? Fact is Direct Buy is a hell of a program, particularly for us.
Fact is we can buy all the stuff we need for the house in Texas for a lot less than anywhere else. Considering we will recoup our investment in the first year the math works well.

When we got there it was a place with catalogs and samples covering all the walls. More stuff than you could ever find in just one store. William was the guy assigned to us and after getting a cup of coffee we were ushered into a room where we went through a well orchestrated presentation that was as good as anything I would design. He missed a few opportunities to nail down his points better but did well overall. I always taught in sales that people generally are motivated to buy because of either need, greed, or fear of loss. They effectively used all three. Now part of our agreement forbids us from telling the details so other than the math working I won’t say much.

After the presentation we sat down with William. He was a nice guy with one of those practically shaved head looks. We filled out forms that basically qualified us, insuring we fit their parameters. When he got done and asked for our decision I said I would like to talk with Cherie. We both had no question that this would be a smart thing but had two main issues. First was to pay for the initial fee, which had an easy payment program but even that was hard at this time. We have no credit cards due to the bankruptcy and the savings was drained by our repeated need to go to Texas. The other question was whether we could use the membership in Texas despite purchasing it in Toledo. Finding an answer to those questions we decided to sign up. So much for resolve but a resolve based on no information lacks common sense.

William had gotten to know us a little during the initial interview. I listed my occupation as both retired and being a writer. That sparked interest so he asked what I was writing. We told him a little about the coma, memory loss, and our love story. I also explained I was writing on religion and ran a few concepts by him. We always seem to have quite and impact on those we talk to and he wasn’t an exception.

William had a nice young woman, named Callie, to finish the paperwork. She had a bubbly happy personality with the energy that comes with youth. Sitting down she explained she had only worked there a few days but would do the best she could. Somewhere she spoke of her love story which I made her tell us. Then we told her ours. We do that allot because it’s what excites us still, even after two or more years. We also tell it because it touches people, making them feel good and smile. This it did for Callie who grabbed our hands and said she was happy she met us and wished us luck. William told us God bless, which is I’m sure was more than just his standard “We’re glad you’ve come on board” thing. I gave Callie the blog address and told her she would be in it. “Hi Callie!!”

We left and Cherie suggested we get some lunch. There was a Red Lobster next door and their adds have been driving me crazy so that’s where we went. Besides I was feeling good about making a decision that would save us several thousand dollars, actually cutting much of the cost of fixing up the house in half. Cherie is excited and was just busting as we ordered and waited for our food. “I’m going to be able to do everything the way I wanted to now” Cherie looked at me and said with that smile I’d pay a million bucks to see. As she spoke of what she envisioned for the house I could see her mind painting the pictures of how she wanted things to be. I love her excitement and share it also. We looked at each other and again spoke of how things seem to be coming together all at once. This includes the needs of those I help, finances, the farm, and many other pieces of a puzzle just falling in place. Like an outside hand is putting all this together.

We came home and talked more and more about the future we had before us. Cherie's Mom called and they had a nice talk. This was good as Cherie hasn't had much communication from family for a while with the exception of Nate's call the other day. Cherie hung up the phone and looking at me said "The ice is breaking". Then it came time for me to go over to see Wayne. Wayne had five pages written up for me about what he has gone through since being diagnosed with MS. We played a game of checkers and he did well, almost beating me without knowing I helped him look good to boost his morale. We talked of his MS and I explained to him what kind the doctor said he had. Someone working for the lawyer in Kentucky called me today about Wayne’s address so I need to make sure that’s done.

I called Barb after we finished the checkers game and she told me that Dixie decided she didn’t want to go, which is probably good considering her mental delicacy. Dee opted out also so Barb said it was just going to be her. I picked her up and could tell she was real nervous and uncomfortable about seeing her friend in a casket. She just talked and talked in her eleven year old way and I felt for her. When she said “I’ll have to go in there by myself” I told her “Barb, I’ll go in with you”. This brightened her up and I could see the relief on her face.

Finding the funeral home I led Barb in. Going into where Dawn was being showed Barb walked up to the casket. She didn’t get very close and after a glance turned and walked quickly back outside. I could tell how much this disturbed her and then Barb said “I gave her that dress she’s wearing”. She was trying hard not to cry so I told her she needed a hug, giving her one. Barb thanked me several times and said “You’re so nice” like the child she is inside from her brain injury. Barb talked and talked all the way home. Ever since Basil is gone she doesn’t have any one around much to talk to except when Dixie is doing good enough to come out.

Allen had called earlier to say he had woke up with a moment of clarity, feeling good about life for the first time. He asked me to come over and play video games like we used to and Cherie agreed it would be a good idea. I headed over there after getting Barb home. On the way to the East Side I went down Monroe Street. There was a car and pick up truck at the open front door of Jasche’s old pawn shop. I have been trying to find him for over a year without luck so I did a U turn and went back to see if it was him.

Walking up to the pickup bed, which was backed all the way up against the wall at the open door. There was a big guy pulling a six foot tall safe up to the door and I could hear Jasch in back of it. As they struggled I started laughing. The guy in front looked at me and said over the safe “There’s some guy out here laughing at me”. Jasch yelled back “Who is it”. “I don’t know, he’s just laughing” he replied while he kept his eye on me. I yelled “Come on Jasch, as much stuff as we’ve moved over the years you’d think you’d know how to do it”. “Who’s that” he inquired. “It’s Bob”. “Bob Westbrook? I’ll be damned. Come over here and help” Jasch said. I did and we did a quick catch up on things. Then I told him how to get this one ton hunk of steel in the back of his pick up and helped him do it. I got his business card and phone number and let him know I had to fly cause I was on my way to a friends.

Getting to Allen’s I called to let him know I was there so he came up and opened the door. Allen was doing OK though it was partly because he had taken some Oxy’s. He was more positive than I’ve seen him in a while. Allen was getting very confused about everything like how to make his sound work with the Game Boy and what game to play. I did my best to keep things on an even keel but my mind can’t process fast enough to play the video game. Despite my explaining that in detail to Allen over five times he didn’t seem to get it and handed me the controls with a “you play”. After ten seconds I handed it back. “Don’t give it to me again Allen. I can’t do it” I told him. It got too much to handle by 10:00 so I told him I had to go.

It was a relief to come home and see Cherie’s smiling face. I fixed a bowl of cereal and then laid in bed. Cherie claimed her “spot” on my shoulder and fell asleep. I loved just holding her while she slept away, snoring contentedly in my arms. Wouldn’t trade these moments for a million dollars, it is just too right. I think that is a good note to end this entry on folks. Goodnight, do good.

Early start and a good one.

3/11/06 Saturday
I was up at 4:00 this morning. Looked at things on the web for a bit and then went back to bed. Told Cherie to roll on her side cause that stops the sleep apnea or whatever it’s called where her sinuses kind of shut off her breathing. This results in a snore that is loud and will abruptly stop as the sinuses close up. I then sit there waiting to hear the snore again because it signals she is breathing. Kinda disturbing to wait to hear if your wife will breath. Being on her side generally stops this. Really didn’t go back to sleep, just dozed.

Now we are both up. I am making Cherie laugh and telling her how beautiful she is as I do every morning. Life is good and we will make sure it stays that way. They ran more about Chris Reeves and his wife Dana. One of the things they showed Dana saying, back when Chris was still alive and she was caring for him, was that they had learned to enjoy every moment.

This is one of the philosophies I developed after the coma and one Cherie and I both adhere to. We lost so many years together with the divorce twenty years ago but now are making up for lost time. Actually I think it would be more accurate to say we make the most of every moment. Not everything is enjoyable but that is life. We live our lives in a way that there is nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. The time we have we spend doing things that are positive and will help others improve their lives. It doesn’t always work with others but when all is said and done we can look back and say “At least we tried”. To look back and see a disaster you could have perhaps stopped and realize you sat there and did nothing is a hard thing. I won’t allow that, I will always be able to say “I did my best”. I understand there will be times that my best wasn’t good enough but that is life. I might not do to good but my motives will always be right.

We are getting ready for our day. First will be the Direct Buy sales pitch. We will look at that carefully. After all we have a house and home to create in Texas but I will have to see beyond the hype and examine if their prices and quality are truly as cheap as they purport in the infomercials. Come to think of it I’ll go online now and see what comes up there.

I love the internet. You can find anything you need, with limits but not many. It seems that Direct Buy is a franchise operation with franchises covering different geographical areas. There are very few complaints registered with the BBB and most of those were resolved. There is a noticeable difference between franchises, which is a reflection in the management of each entity. I’m not sure but the buy in for this purchasing club may be as much as $4000. That is not clearly indicated anywhere. The organization here will not help us in Texas so we are just going for the money today. I always love dealing with professional salesmen cause I used to teach whole companies how to do this. I have too much fun saying things to the salesperson like “Oh, an alternate choice would have worked well there. I love it, you did the Ben Franklin close really good.” Throws them right off their game. Yeah, I can be mean but I do respect professionalism. Try to strong arm me you better watch out.

I’ve been in sales all my life and started out with the street hustle, where we would blow into a business carrying several cheap laser prints. Just walk into the showroom filled with the business’s customers and start laying out the pictures and laying out a spiel. It would go like this. “We just remodeled the hotel down the road and we’ve got all these left over. My boss told me to get rid of these. You know they are laser developed photographs. Some of them were taken by XXX. You heard of him right? He’s the guy that took pictures for National Geographic. Hey! Macy’s sells these for $300 but you’d like it if I said you could get one for only $45 wouldn’t you”. Then we would close. Basically anything we got over ten dollars we put in our pocket.

I’ll talk more about this later. We just got back from the Direct Buy thing and I am tired. Need to lay down for a bit.

Rough news

Ate a peanut butter on toast with honey to see if that helps give me energy and to speed up. Didn’t work. Called Allen to check on him. He is depressed because his mom is back in the hospital. She is grossly overweight and has broken her hips and other bones from falls. Add to that she is diabetic. Now she has a staff infection with one of the germs that has evolved to being resistant to most antibiotics. Doesn’t look good. I still need to lay down so will do so whether I want to or not. I am slowing down.

Not bad. I only lost two hours. A little nap and I am back up to speed. Well up to a 7 on the Bob scale. Now I’ll check on E mail and continue labeling and sorting the pictures I was working on earlier today.

The doctor from MUO whom I had set the appointment for Wayne with just called me. We talked about Wayne’s needs. Evidently he had not followed up on an appointment that had been set for last year. I never knew about it. The bad news is that Wayne has what is called Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis for which there is no medication that has shown any improvement. The doctor will talk to Wayne and I about this when I take him in to his appointment in April. I need to go online and learn more about this. Better do it now before it vanishes again from this porous brain.

This is depressing. Not much hope for Wayne. There are several in the support group who have had MS for well over 20 years and that gave Wayne a kind of hope. I don’t yet understand what all this means but will work harder to see that his remaining years are as good as possible. Got to get him out of cracktown and hopefully around people who are better. There is no one to fellowship with where he lives now and he keeps the bowie knife close in case of one of the crackheads trying to rob him. He did keep his shotgun there but I told him to put it away. This was for two reasons. The first is because of his suicidal thoughts and the second is if it got out he had a gun someone would for sure break in to steal it.

This really upsets me. The assholes at Social Security have been dicking around for three years now and preventing him from getting the disability that would make such a difference in the last years of his life. That burns me. The doctors with the DDS program that is paid by the federal government but run by the state did not even bother to send in paperwork after seeing Wayne. I bet they got their bill out fast. This is corruption on a state wide level. When we went to Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur’s office we were told that this is not unusual at all. So it is a known problem but no one seems to be doing anything. It is time for this pen to start writing. I’ve always been good at getting into trouble. Now I am going to be good at starting trouble for good causes. Piss me off, ya just motivate me.

Cherie came home while I was writing the previous paragraph so I was kinda down. I went into the bedroom to think on things and I heard her cell phone ring. It was Nate. He reads this blog and saw my entry about no one from the family calling Cherie so he called. That was a surprise but also a good thing to do. It helped brighten Cherie up pretty good. I’m quite impressed also though I am hesitant to even write this. Never know how something will be taken, kinda like walking on eggshells. Like I said the other day, I’m not used to tippy toeing. At least something good seems to be happening. Hey! I’m impressed. That’s a compliment. OK?

Tomorrow I take Barb and Dixie to the funeral home. That is at 6:00 in the evening but in the morning we go to the Direct Buy place and get to try the key they sent in the mail to see if we win a $25,000 home makeover. Of course we have to listen to a ninety minute sales pitch first. Fun Fun, can’t wait. That is a result of filling an entry out at the home show. We are guaranteed to win two prizes so I will bet on the Chef’s knife set. I doubt Chefs would use the knives but maybe I could throw them at snakes when we move to Texas. Who knows, we might win. Stay tuned, I’ll let you in on the sordid details. Good night all. Tell your friends to come read this blog. Who knows what's going to happen but I will try to rock the government boat/

Got stuff done

I whipped this up for my grandmother on her 98th birthday.

Got the entry published and am now at the church with Barb, Dixie, and Dee, who lives next door to Barb. Barb brought some clothes in to donate to the church. It usually takes them a while to get their food so I should have a chance to organize and label pictures. I also need to make my to do list. One of the things is to E mail the lawyer Wayne’s information so she can start on his case.

After taking their food home I took Barb and Dixie to the store for garbage bags and other stuff they needed. I just got home and checked my E mail. There was a comment from the blog (I have them sent to my E mail to make sure I see them) Evidently they would like more information on Jim Watson, the founder of Mission Toledo and other “ministries” across the country whom I suspect to be a scam artist. He wasn’t terribly clear so I left my E mail address so the individual can talk with me directly about what he would like to know.

Sharon, from the MS Society returned my call. She gave me some names of doctors who deal with MS so I can get Wayne the care he needs. Right now I will be calling to get Wayne an appointment.
I got a hold of MUO and come to find out Wayne is listed with two of the doctors in the neurology department. Evidently Wayne was to follow up on that and didn’t. I will have to take part of the blame for that because I took him to those appointments. I didn’t get my self listed on his paperwork and if I knew Wayne was to follow up I did not write it down in my calendar. With me, if it’s not written down it doesn’t happen. Wayne’s memory is worsening so that doesn’t help. I have said it is like the blind leading the blind. I got an appointment for Wayne in April.

Now I need to E mail the attorney in Kentucky for Wayne to give her vital information for her to take the case. Got that done. I am wearing out and it is only 1:00 but that’s the way it goes. I need to call the storage place and see if the deal they offered at the home show still stands. Then I need to arrange for labor to help us get things moved. Was going to pay Nate but they seem to be busy being offended. I don’t know cause they don’t talk. Poor Cherie hasn’t got a call and she didn’t do a thing. I left a message with Eileen to see if Calvin and Terry would be interested in making a few bucks. Right now I think I need to lay down for a short time.

Frantic start

3/10/06 Friday
Frantic start for the morning. Cherie woke up and turned her alarm off before it sounded then fell back asleep. Not a good idea. She was in frenzy mode as she rushed to get ready. I couldn’t go online for some reason with the Wi Fi so I was a bit frustrated also. Bad combination. When I fumbled with Cherie’s computer to check my E mail and blog I was a bit short when I asked Cherie if she had the blog on favorites so she presumed she had made me mad.

I picked up some stuff Fred had for Barb because I will be taking them to the Pilgrim Church for the Feed Your Neighbor program. It is important to get to this one early because the good stuff disappears fast. That is partly because they don’t supervise the recipients and many take advantage of that, stuffing as much as they can into their bags. Not unusual for those who live in poverty. Unfortunately many of them are poor because of drug use and that goes hand in hand with criminal activity. Thus get what you can, the hell with everyone else attitude prevails. On the other hand it is the poor who sacrifice the most to help others in need so it is not good to lump everyone in the same category.

I called Jeff at ten after to see if he was going to make it to our breakfast at the Waffle House. When he answered the phone you could hear the embarrassment in his voice. He was halfway to Columbus where he had a meeting with Workers Comp and had forgotten to let me know. I went ahead and ordered and got this laptop out to make this entry.

A young guy at the counter asked if I could hook up to a Wireless connection. We got to talking after he said he was able to do that while in Iraq. I told him my son was over there and when asked let him know Bruce was stationed in Mosul. He had been in Bagdad with one of the army units that got out into the action. Nice kid and good to talk with him.

Still can’t go online through the wireless at home so will do the dial up to publish this entry, maybe.

Good day. Lots done despite being slow

I am back from the MS luncheon. Wayne was doing fairly good. The president of the local chapter of the MS Society was there along with a lady named Chris, who is a rep for Serano and Pfizor. I’m not quite sure but both names are on her business card. She is a nurse with credentials for MS and knows allot about the drugs used to treat it. There is much that went on in the luncheon but I must wait to write for I need to process everything and before that I need to look up the stuff for Virginia now, before I forget again. It’s been two days I have needed to do this. I wasn’t too slow at the luncheon but having a hard time now. Better concentrate on doing just one thing.

It is 7:00 now. We have eaten dinner and Cherie got the Cool Whip I had asked for so I used it to tone down the chocolate pudding I made from scratch yesterday. Even mixed half and half it was rich. Next time I will use half the chocolate. Hey! That’s how you learn. I didn’t have a recipe for chocolate pudding so I used the vanilla one and put baker’s chocolate in it. Pretty good just a bit too much.

I am doing better cognizance wise, running about a 7 on the B scale. (Hmm. The initials for that would be the B.S. scale) Anyway one of the weird things about this brain injury is this. Sometimes it’s the mental capability that is affected where I can’t process information quickly and forget more. But sometimes, like now, it is the area of this brain that controls the physical aspects that is affected. Right now I am hobbling around like I’m 85, taking short shuffling steps. My right leg, which is partly paralyzed from the TBI, is more numb than usual and I have a harder time knowing where it is. That is why it is hard for me to go down stairs because I have to look at my foot to make sure it is on the step. Anyway it is a physical slow down this time.

Denise is the one in the middle.
Back to the MS luncheon. It is always inspirational to be there. Denise came in without her walker. She is a fighter and a gutsy one at that. Her tremors are so bad that in order to talk she had to hold her head still with her hands. I have written about her before. For Denise everything is a struggle. To get a bite of food on a fork, to get the fork up to her mouth with out losing the bite, and even to get that bite into her mouth is always a monumental task with many failures. Yet she keeps fighting. The very fact that she walked in without her walker is a testament to her spirit. Sure she had someone beside her to provide an arm for her to support herself. But by golly she came in without the walker, and entered like a marathon racer crossing the finish line in first place.

Damn! Talk about guts. Who am I to complain about anything that makes my life a little bit harder? Like I have said before, “I used to complain about having no shoes till I met a man with no feet”. This is why I pretty much force Wayne to come to these luncheons. It helps him to see these spirits and puts his situation in perspective. He has thanked me several times now for jumping down his throat for “Whining”. I was pretty blunt and told him I was tired of hearing his whiney ass. You can find that in one of my earlier entries. Just put the word whiney on the search engine at the top of this blog to find it. There are a few now I have done this with who woke up. Kind of like a slap in the face saying “Wake up”. Of course there are always those who refuse to see themselves as they truly are. These are the sad ones who have some hard times ahead.

The luncheon covered some real good stuff. It seems that the MS Society has a new CEO or whatever title he/she has. They are in the process of reevaluating the organization, what they do, and how they do it. They are asking for input from all the local chapters wanting to learn from those who are “in the trenches” if you will. Now we get street level. I will be writing Wayne’s story and giving it to Jacqueline Pratt, the chapter president. She will be taking this, along with her other stories and concepts to the national headquarters.

Right now Wayne is writing an outline that I will work with to tell his story. When it is done I will also publish it here. I explained to Wayne that this will help develop policies the MS Society will implement on a national level and will also be used to encourage the Federal government to make needed changes. “Wayne, this could help thousands of others with MS not go through what you did” I told him. He is excited about this and when I talked to him a few minutes ago he said he already had three pages written.

The reason I talked to him a few minutes ago is that I got a call from a lawyer in Kentucky. One of the women at the luncheon, who’s name I can’t remember (but she’ll forgive me) gave me this lawyer’s name and number. Her name is Sally Edward and she only takes MS disability cases. It seems her husband had MS and died because of it. I don’t know for sure because I only talked with her for about five minutes but the problems he went through with his disability may have inspired her to do this. She agreed to take Wayne’s case even though it involves an eight hour drive to get here.

When we got done talking she called me an angel. I was getting a similar input at the luncheon. They asked me why I was working so hard for Wayne, or something like that, I really can’t remember how it was put. I told them what I have told many others. “It’s because I died. When I woke up from the coma I had a month to lay there and think. My life is a gift and I am giving that gift to as many as I can. I used to be a successful businessman and then I was carrying everything I owned in a garbage bag. That helped me reevaluate what really matters in life. Money and things will vanish away. The only thing that lasts is the lives you touch”. It is a well rehearsed speech now but remains the core of what I believe and is the truth. I’m not real comfortable with being called an angel and stuff but it feels good. Besides that, at one time in my life I was called allot worse than that. Angel is allot better than asshole though some still call me that.

The drug rep gave me some valuable information about programs the drug companies have to provide medication for people like Wayne who are basically poor. All Wayne has is foodstamps and $115 a month that I fought Family Services to get for him. Not much to live on but I also got him his section 8 housing which only costs him $35 a month with his utilities paid for. Everyone else at the luncheon (all but two have MS) have medication specifically for MS. Wayne gets nothing but a pain killer and muscle relaxant. I’ll make sure that will change.

This is Virginia with my grandmother.
I reckon you can tell I am doing better cause I’m writing so much. Oh yeah! I did find that stuff for Virginia. We talked for a long time. Just looked on the cell phone and it was 48 minutes. I never talk that long but Virginia is different. (I know you’ll read this Virginia so Hi) She is becoming a good friend and is someone I have great respect and actually admiration for. Virginia has done much at great personal sacrifice for my grandmother, who is her mother’s sister. I get confused how this all works but Virginia said she is my second cousin. All I know is she proved trustworthy and for me trust is on the top of the ladder.

I suppose I should call it a night. Cherie and I still look into each other’s eyes with wonder at the miracle we are together. It is and always will be an amazing thing. I told her again that I have never been this happy and never imagined I ever would be. Cherie said she had just given up, lost all hope of being truly happy. God we are blessed. Good night all. See you tomorrow.

Foggy morning

3/9/06 Thursday
Good morning. I’m not doing bad but not real sharp. Running about a 6 on the Bob scale. The right leg is not too much there so the limp is pronounced. Carman kitty is up here on the bed demanding some attention or at least to be close. Big purrs as he settles next to me.
I never did get around to finding the paperwork Virginia needs. Kept getting distracted with the common result of that task vanishing from this mind. That is part of why they say I am disabled. I am much better than I was before Cherie and I got back together. I had no real stability, nothing I could count on. One of the things that bring out my problem is change. It even took me a while to settle in this apartment where Cherie and I live. Every morning I would wake and it was like I was in a strange place. I would be disoriented till I realized where I was. Once everything became familiar I could relax and feel secure. This reduction in stress has a direct effect on my cognitive state.

Now that I am up and moving I can see that I need to revise my Bob scale level. I am running at a 4, not too good. Should have known from the limp as that is a direct barometer of brain function. I cooked eggs and bacon with gravy and the biscuits left from last night. I had a real problem making quick simple decisions. I had eggs frying and needed to juggle warming up biscuits, getting milk out, flour for gravy, and maybe something else. This freezes me up when I am slow so I had to drop everything and figure out what to concentrate on. Multitasking is not something I can do anymore unless I am running an 8 or 9. At those times it almost scares Cherie to see how sharp I am. Just a glimpse of who I used to be.

Today I will take Wayne to the Multiple Sclerosis luncheon. He didn’t make the last one because his pain level was way up. I went and had a major slow down in the middle of the discussion. Normally this is embarrassing but it wasn’t because of the people there. There is an understanding among those who have disabilities and share similar symptoms. I hope I speed up before I get Wayne and go. Pretty rough right now, like walking through a fog.

I called Barb to let her know I will take her and Dixie to the funeral home Saturday for Dawn. Fred just called and asked me to take his garbage out. He also reminded me to stop by and pick up the roast he bought for Barb when I head out tomorrow. I will meet Jeff for breakfast and then pick up Barb, Dixie, and others to take them to Pilgrims church for the food program.

I will be leaving to get Wayne now. Should take some aspirin cause I think a headache is coming.

The end of another day

This is part of what's left at the warehouse. I will soon be allowed to find what little remains of my personal property'

I’m like Toledo weather. Just wait a while and I will change. I got a burst of energy and the brain moved up to an 8 on the Bob scale. I cleaned the kitchen and started some of my famous leftover stew. It is never the same because the ingredients are whatever needed to be cleared out of the fridge. I try to insure that there is nothing rotten in it but you never know. I figure that if you cook it long enough you kill practically everything that might harm you. If that isn’t true I will be making my next entry from the hospital. I’ll eat some before Cherie gets home to make sure cause I don’t want her to get sick. There are some meatballs, chicken, tough dry roast beef, rice, green pepper, soft potatoes, carrots, onions, and lots of spice to cover up the flavors. Yum Yum. Or should I say Ooh Ooh. Tell ya later.

Now I got some good news. Just called River East and talked to Holly. Channel 11 called and that had its desired result. Don Monroe said they didn’t need any negative publicity right now. The power of the pen wins out again. They will let me come in and get what I want out of the warehouse. Now I have to figure out how to do it.

Well the stew was good. It tasted good and we didn’t get sick so I mark that up as a success. I fixed some chocolate pudding from scratch and it’s good but too rich. We’ll have to get some cool whip to lighten it up. I am pretty tired. Good night.

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the Gardai.
The Garda said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!" The Garda said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave him her license.
The Garda said, "I see you are from Mayo. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"


I sent this and some of the Engrish stuff I think is funny to Bruce. Also sent it to Adam with the hope it will open the door he seems to have closed to me.




I’m back from taking Fred to get food. We went to Kroger first. He was energetic but got real picky fast. I could tell his budget was tight today. Fred also was pretty indecisive, having a hard time making up his mind and then changing it often. No problem, I just did what I always do. “Fred, that costs $1.99” I would say and he would reply “That’s too much. There’s no way I’ll pay that much” so we would move on to the next item.

The meat was the most difficult as always. Kroger was having a buy one get one free on roasts. There was a minor frenzy there but Fred worked his way in. Then it was on. Fred would pick up a package and fondle it, trying to see with his fingers. “How much is this” he would ask and I would tell him. He went through every package, picking some up several times, unaware he had already looked at it. Mean time there are many other shoppers trying to get meat there and because I had to be Fred’s eyes we were both in the way.

One lady got rude and tried to shove in between us. I tend to not be tolerant or very nice in such situations so I told her “Your ass can wait till he’s done”. She quickly grabbed two packages without looking at them and moved on. After all that Fred decided not to get anything. I was happy to get out of that fray but Fred stayed in that mode for the rest of the store. I was glad when he said “Let’s get out of here”. Checking out Fred wanted to go to the Pharm because they have eggs on sale. That was a little better but not much.

Now I am home and pretty worn out. Slowed down a little. Running about a 5 or 6. I think I will get some stew going to use up the rest of the roast that I didn’t do a good job with yesterday. Then either carve or lay down. Researched an E mail notification that we had won 82,000 pounds in the UK lottery. There really is such a lottery but the E mail is the scam I suspected it was. Bummer, I’m not British rich. Hey, I’m rich with things you can’t buy with money. I got my wife and my life. Everything else pales in comparison.
Oh! Just saw the note Cherie left for me to look up stuff for Virginia. That’s why we do the notes cause I will forget it several times in a day. Just leave that sucker out where I can’t miss it and I will eventually get it done. There is some cold dishwater I poured this morning and forgot about. Nothing unusual there.

Good Morning

 This is by my favorite artist, Beverly Doolittle. Click the image to make it larger. If you look carefully you can see a wolf in the paw print. This is her trademark. Everywhere we go we leave an imprint. Make yours a good one.

3/8/06 Wednesday
Good morning world. It is another day of sharing our lives with all who wish to watch the unfolding miracle of our love story and my second chance at life. Among my motives for this is to raise awareness of Traumatic Brain Injury. Mine is minor compared to many others and that makes things harder as many can’t see any obvious signs of it. Then they think I am faking, stupid, or have a mental illness. Some just think I am a rude or obnoxious person.

I would write and print up fliers that I would hand to medical professionals and others in an attempt to gain understanding. I quit doing that as it seemed to make things worse. It helped some of the medical folks understand my need for written communication to compensate for the short term memory loss.

However the church Cherie and I were excited to go to and got married, Cedar Creek in Rossford Ohio, was a different story. One of their pastors suggested I find a mental health agency and then sent us a letter saying “Perhaps you would be better off finding another church”. They then had the leader of the home group we were involved in tell us we were no longer welcome there. This just tore us up as we were developing friendships with the participants, or at least we thought we were. These “loving Christians” had no problem rejecting us. Not only tossing us like a hot potato but drop kicking us out. How “Christ like” they are. I’m sure God is proud of them just as they must be proud of themselves. Enough of this revelation of our pain.

I am fairly sharp this morning, running a 7 on the Bob scale. I am scheduled to take Fred to the grocery store this afternoon. I will clean the kitchen, do some writing, and maybe get back to the wood carving I love to do. I just saw a note I had Cherie put out to remind me to look up paperwork about my grandmothers annuity for Virginia, who is the executer of her will. (That is how I get things done, little notes and reminders for tasks I need to do) I better do that first before I forget. Time to turn off the TV and get moving. 

It's good to end the day positive.

That came on quick. It is 7:00 and I have a migraine. Ironically enough it started while ABC news was running a story on migraines. I just turned off the TV, the bedroom computer (Because it is noisy) and turned the brightness on this laptop screen to it’s minimum. Took all the pills I usually do for this. That would be two aspirin, one Tramadol, and a Zomig. It will be a half hour or so before I know if that works. Usually does but when it doesn’t I’m in trouble. I think I will check E mail and shut this down to curl up in this bed with Carman kitty.

9:34 – At about 8:00 Cherie let me know that Virginia had left a message on the home phone that she had some questions. I called her about a half hour ago to see what was up. The questions were in regard to Lee’s civil service annuity. I will have to look up stuff in Lee’s paperwork about it. Virginia needed to know how old Larry and I are because that info was part of what they needed. Beats me why but that is the government.
We had a nice conversation and then Cherie talked with Virginia for a while. We are both looking forward to moving there. We talked about how things are here in Toledo and the issues with family here. Virginia has seen a few things in her life and had an understanding of things. She liked the pictures I put on the blog of some of those I help.
Speaking of that Allen called a little before I called Virginia. He thanked me for what I did for him and said he had used his food stamp card for the first time Monday. He said that he could tell everybody at the check out was looking at him so I explained that was not unusual, that it was part of his embarrassment of being on government assistance, or welfare if you will. I felt the same way when I first used foodstamps in St Louis. It is hard for a man who has worked hard most, or in my case much, of his life to accept help.

This pride is what kept Allen from seeking the help he needed for four years, resulting in his self medication and the depletion of all his resources. Allen told me he is learning to swallow his pride and made sure to let me know he is working hard to follow the path I laid out for him. That was good to hear. I hope I have saved another life. This time that of an old friend. I explained I had a severe migraine a couple of times to Allen but he needed to talk so I let him, holding the phone away from my ear because of my sensitivity to sound at these times.

I am doing better now. The migraine is still here but the medicine barrage reduced it to tolerable levels. Right now I have the TV on PBS, which has an easy listening music ensemble that includes harp and piano. This works well with the volume turned low. I went out to give Cherie a kiss and the light hurt my eyes but I would be glad to endure much more than that for a kiss from her. Enough of that mushy stuff cause I don’t want to make any of you out there envious because of how good our love is. Cherie just came in with some of the over the counter sleep aids I use and a glass of juice to get them down. I told her I was the luckiest man in the world and she laughed that gigglish laugh that makes my heart smile. I told her I was just writing about her and she said “You always write about me”. Yeah I do. Sorry folks, I’ve got it bad but can’t complain. I write what’s on my mind so bear with me. Now it’s 10:30 and I should go to sleep but am wide awake, I’m sure that’s partly because I had stayed in bed with the headache. At least the brain is sharp. I’m running a 9 on the Bob scale.

Death is certain. Life is not.

Fred also said Barb had called and asked if I could take her to cash her check when she got it and go to the store. I said that would be no problem and would call her from the Dollar Tree when I got done to see if the check had arrived. It had so I headed straight over. When I got there Barb told me that Dawn had died last night. She had found out when Dawn’s lesbian partner of seventeen years came to her door this morning crying.

Dawn is one of the people in Barb’s complex I help. She has had congestive heart failure and her health was delicate so this was no surprise. She had been getting weaker over the last few months and I have had to carry the groceries I took her to get for her. Barb found her unconscious on the floor last week so Dawn has been in the hospital ever since. Evidently her kidney gave out and poisoned her whole system. I don’t think Dawn was too old, perhaps thirty eight or so but, like the others, she lived a hard life and her physical condition is a result of that.

Again the consequences of poor decisions linger for a lifetime and often cannot be avoided. “You reap what you sow” is a principal that holds true. You can find it repeated in different ways in most of the religions of the world. Be it Karma or reincarnation or whatever. If you live by the sword you die by the sword. Death is inescapable. I had the good fortune of dying once and coming back. Hey! I’m lucky. I get to die twice, but I guarantee you this, I will live a life I can be proud of and I intend to leave a mark behind that is a good one. The only thing that remains after death is the lives you touch. That tells what kind of man you were. Money and possessions vanish away upon death, dispersed out like dust blown by the wind.

In all this I forgot I was to cook dinner so I rushed to get the roast in. I usually cook it slow over a period of hours but pushed it. Come to find out it was still frozen despite being in the fridge for two days. I seared it and got it going. Who knows how it will turn out. There was a ton of liquid that came out of it so it may be tough and dry. Part of this will be from it being frozen as the ice crystals tear the meat.


Oh yeah, here’s some pictures Bruce E mailed me from Iraq. One is a Russian truck they use and one he called the General Dynamics striker. That’s the mosque looking building. Don’t have a clue what it is. Maybe a power plant or something. The last one is a bunker in Kuwait that was hit by one of our bunker buster bombs




Anyway it has been a day and I am tired. Got a slight headache but that don’t bother me. Cherie is home and this is time I spend with her so this journal is done for now. Got more important things to do, like love my wife. See ya.