Rough morning

7/3/07 Tuesday
It’s a rough morning. I’m running at a five on the bob scale and the pain level is high. Because of the influx of new readers of this blog due to the news story I will explain some of these things like the bob scale. It is a rating that goes from one to ten that I use to indicate how well my brain is operating at a given time. A 7 is the average level of cognizance for me. This swings back and forth several times in a day at different degrees. By labeling it “bob scale” I can do a search of this journal and map these swings. This can be useful for doctors, or at least I think it can. The doctors always ask questions about how I’ve been doing and what happened when and how many times but it’s hard to answer a question when you can’t remember. Thus another purpose for this journal.

There are the rapid slowdowns like yesterday, that are brought on by stress and being overwhelmed with too much information to process. Then there are times like this morning where everything is a struggle and I get lost easily, forgetting what I am doing as I do it. These often come with the bad headaches and I have one of those now. This kind of slowdown lasts much longer, sometimes a whole day. When they are really bad I won’t drive and sometimes stay in bed. At these times I can be short and sullen, easily upset by unimportant things. It is hard on Cherie but that illustrates how much we help each other. It is her love for me that helps her endure these periods.

While I am on the subject there is the other side of these swings, the times I am lucid with my brain operating at high speed. Then I am animated and confidant. Able, in my mind, to conquer the world. I spout off my grand plans for this farm and assert that I am a genius capable of everything. At these times I forget or deny that I have difficulty doing simple things, can’t keep up with the garden, and have tons of unfinished projects like the Balaam’s ass blog I talk about but never get to. Then there are the rude reminders that I do have a disability, as much as I hate using that word in reference to myself. It sucks but it’s the way it is. I don’t like it and will always fight to overcome these difficulties.

Cherie is getting ready to go to the chiropractor that Janie is making available to her. I am tired already. The slowdowns always drain me. I woke up tired and slow so probably had partial seizures in the night. Cherie says I’ve been working too hard lately, exhausting myself. I’ll take a nap when Cherie leaves for Midland. It sucks to not get out and work on things while it is nice and cool. Done writing for now.
-----------------------------
10:33 – I’m up from the nap. Still have the headache and that peculiar light headed dizzy feel. At these times I must be careful as I walk for it is easy for me to stumble. Got the puppies out. We are starting the crate training thing Janie told us about. Modifying it slightly to fit our life. I’m gonna put on a hat and go work on monkey grass. I suppose I should look over the garden to see what needs to be done there. Checked a couple of ears of corn yesterday and it’s not looking to good. One of the things I read is that corn is a high nitrogen plant. I’m gonna replant a bunch of it and hit it hard with the fertilizer when it is…however high the instructions said. I can’t remember so will have to look it up again as usual. The corn worms I seemed to have stopped well with the mineral oil but there is something else that chewed through the side into the ear of corn and burrowed into the cobs. Need to learn what that is and how to fight it. Some of the corn didn’t pollinate well. That is probably due to it not being bunched together tighter. Will try to amend that. All part of learning how to farm.

The melons seem to be doing well.

Cherie left a list of things she would like me to do so I best take care of that first before it slips from this mind.