Thursday, July 19, 2007

Who am I ???


7/19/07 Thursday
That’s the way it goes with me. Tuesday was actually a really good day but when it came time to write about it I wasn’t in good shape, thus the incomplete entry. This morning is a good morning and I’ve been getting lots of things done. Cherie was out the door early too and it was good to see her exercising the discipline needed for her job. I can’t remember if I wrote about that so I’ll mention it now. She is “Enumerating”, which is a fancy way of saying she samples cotton crops for the USDA. This will require her to spend about a week out of each month but right now she has to contact farmers and get permission to go out into their fields. That’s the hard part.

Let me try to fill in things since Tuesday. I made it out to Kevin’s to collect goat crap. Saw him at the corner as I was heading in. I waved as we passed but was disappointed that I missed him. I have longed to talk with him or anyone else from the first church of Stanton just to perhaps clear the air or at least understand this distance they display. They are aware of what I write, or at least hear about it through someone who reads. I just wonder how that is presented. The Sunday school teacher there, Steve, mentioned something about “Trashing” the church. I just write what I see and experience. Yet still they do not reach out. Oh, I’m sure they have a great excuse considering how I express myself. “I’m not talking to him because of how he is” could be the attitude but that doesn’t hold to what the scriptures say. If you’re going to wear the label “Christian” you need to live it. I don’t say this in bitterness but from a sincere desire to see others improve.

This is one of the benchmark scriptures in the Christian faith, one that most have heard and can identify as the Love chapter.
1 Corinthians 13:1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love keeps no record of wrongs? So if I have wronged others who are Christian how should they react?
Mathew 5:23 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

All we have desired is to be accepted into this family of God and if someone would come speak with us it would help in that. Sure we now go to a different church that is remarkable in how we are accepted but is it wrong for me to hope that those at first church of Stanton can do likewise?

Let’s imagine that I am just a nasty evil person who is out to use and abuse, to take advantage of the goodness of others for my personal gain. How then should you who bear the name of Christ act?
Mathew 5:38 "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' 39 But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41 If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
But I am not a nasty evil person, at least I don’t think so. I hunger for righteousness and look for God, seeking Him with all of my heart. Can I be offensive? You bet I can. No question about that, but what offends you? Is it the mirror I hold up? Is it how I, a sinner who knows not God, calls you to obey your Lord, to live what you profess? If that is wrong forgive me. You know, forgiving is not easy. It requires swallowing a little pride and practicing a little humility. But here is another benchmark of the Christian faith, the Lord’s prayer.
Mathew 6:9 In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. 10 Your kingdom come. Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors. 13 And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. 14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
So, do you love me? Can you love me? That is a choice one makes that should be totally separate from your emotion, how you feel. In fact it often requires one to do the opposite of what their emotions desire, to subjugate those desires to the will of the Father. To choose to do right when you don’t want to.
Mathew 5:43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
What will I be able to write in the future concerning this? What is it I seek of others? It is that they shine and leave no cause for others to doubt.

Mathew 5:13 "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. 14 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Geeze, where did that come from? Anyway I gathered up four garbage cans worth of goat crap. Would like to get as much as I can but it took me three hours to get that and despite only filling half a can, lifting it on the truck, and then filling it all the way with light loads I brought over with the hand truck, it hurt. So I went home, took a pain pill, and laid down.

Later that day we made it to Midland where Cherie did laundry as I took the Sony laptop apart to see if the screen worked on my Toshiba. It didn’t fit, too small. Oh well, that’s the way it goes. No big deal. I can see enough of the screen to use this laptop so will endure till something comes along. Something always does in this miracle I call life. I suppose that while throwing up scriptures I’ll throw this one up too.

Mathew 6:25 "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 28 So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Steve and Janie took us out for dinner after we enjoyed each others company for quite a while. It is so good to have friends, to have fellowship. At dinner Steve, and Janie too, talked about forgiveness and a revelation they had gotten regarding a specific scripture on that. It was a neat glimpse into an often unseen nuance regarding how you take on the burden of someone else’s sin by not forgiving and also of the power of giving in such situations.

Tuesday was a good day. We didn’t get home till something like eleven that night and were so pooped we went straight to bed. Yesterday isn’t very clear in my memory. I will be returning the stain I bought as it is too dark so will head into town after posting this. Time to go now.
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Got the new stain and some screws I needed to put the wood storage shelf together. I was going to get sandpaper as well but it wasn’t written down so didn’t happen. I did remember to get some puppy treats as I was heading home so turned around and picked that up.

Got the shelf put up. Suppose I should go take a picture of it. Only had a couple of the seizures, at least that I remember. Dizzy right now and only running a five on the bob scale. Remembered to take my meds.

Took a picture of the shelves and found some pictures I took yesterday and forgot about. One is the sunset and then there is the melon patch that the puppies are tearing up. There was also a picture of one of the braces I made for the shelf. I might have already posted it but can’t say until I look.

Just remembered something I did in town today. Janie had spotted some grass that had been dug up where a guy was going to pour some concrete and had Steve leave a message on his door to see if I could have it. I could so I stopped by the place and the workers had put about three feet of dirt on top of it so I decided it would be too big a chore to dig the grass out.

I’m pretty wiped and dealing with one of the headaches that are part of the TBI package. Sure I’ve done a lot more than this but it’s all I can bring up now. Think I’ll call it a day.
G

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bob, you do spend much of your blog trashing that church.

You focused on the bad and it kept popping up. Did you ever try focusing on the good (even you have said a some people talked to you, someone brought you food, etc)instead of constantly harping on the bad???? Constantly spewing accusations and complaints will cause people to avoid you. They don't know what you'll attack next.

If you have found a church you are happy attending, let go of the other church. Your witness is being greatly damaged by your constant trashing of the other place. Forgive. I'm sure you weren't perfect either.

Tricia said...

Where did y'all go eat? Wait...I don't wanna know...yeah, OK I do.

Bob said...

What witness? I'm not a Christian. Came to church looking for God. When we got here nine months ago someone brought out some food and the pastor came over and talked for an hour or so. Since then the longest conversations were five minute affairs before and after sunday school. I'm looking for something good, desperately looking. If I see good I write about it. Give me something good to write about. "cause people to avoid me"??? I'm sorry. I thought that was what they've been doing in Stanton since we got here. Now there are many others who have been wonderful and shining contrasts to our experience in Stanton. I would love and welcome anyone from Stanton just dropping by to say Hi. That's all I've asked for. Is that too much?? They will be greeted with joy and I will have something good to write.
Not perfect? Duh!!! I've talked about my past openly, drug addictions, prison, ect. Of course in contrast was my success as a businessman but that is shallow to me now. The miracle of being alive and having my marriage restored is a wonder that many now share with us. I would enjoy sharing it with everyone else as well. But they have to let us do so.
Here's a scripture, "To him who knows what is right to do and does not do it, to him it is sin" James 4:17