Thursday, July 27, 2006

Woke up tired

I woke up tired after having another strange dream. This time I was new at a facility that was somewhat institutional. When a clique decided they didn't like me things began to disapear from my locker. I had a physical confrontation with one of the members of this gang. He had come to attack me but I put him down hard. The superiors of this institution said they could not do anything so I was on my own. Leaving the person whom I had just put down I saw a three members of this gang eying me from a distance as they positioned themselves to attack when I walked by. I went down a different path to circumvent this and catch them unawares. I wasn't scared or avoiding the confrontation but had every intention of attacking them before they got me. Then I woke up. Too wierd.

Anyway I feel exhausted. There is nothing on my calendar for today. I will clean up the kitchen. Most of the mess is from my cooking. The ribs I cooked in the crock pot were great. I had a bad slowdown about the time Cherie came home from work. This one came with one of those migraines that just stop me. I kept pushing to get the dinner done but was bitchy and frustrated at the partial seizure and migraine. Not easy to get along with.

Eileen called during this period and Cherie took the call. She explained I was not doing well and it was not a good time to talk to me. I greatly appreciated this. Barb had also called and asked "Are you busy tomorrow?". I asked her what she needed and she launched into a long explanation that basically said she wanted a ride to buy a micrwave. I told her that unless it was an emergency or vitally important I would not give her a ride. I have to make sure she, and for that matter everyone I help, does not again become dependent on me. We will be moving to Texas in October so this is neccessary.

Besides that there is much I need to do to prepare for becoming a farmer. I think I will start using the term "Homesteader" because, after visiting the Homsteader website and others, I find it more accurately defines where we are heading. It is a fascinating culture which at it's roots is the spirit of this country's earliest settlers. There is a bravery demonstrated in these modern day homesteaders who stretch to carve out their future through hard work and perserverance. Many of these folks are those who reject a world and lifestyle that has caused much pain and seek a simpler more harmonious existence. There is a peace that can be found in this that is hard to get in the city. This is true for Cherie and I also. For me with my brain injury it is a big factor. Stress and having to move quick freeze up this brain. I don't handle unfamiliar well. Going to a grocery store can be hard, especially if it is one I have not visited before. A familiar setting and well defined routines are whats best. This I was taught at the brain injury place I attended in St Louis. For Cherie escaping the things that cause much consternation and pain is a good thing. Going out to create a new life together is an exciting thing that we very much look forward to. It is a joy, depth,?? can't find a word to describe it but we are one and this deepens that bond.

I am not real speedy brain wise but not bad. Running a 6 on the Bob scale. I think the tiredness is from the slowdown yesterday. They can drain me. It is time for me to get the kitchen done and then I must focus on my studies for the farm. Have to get a plan put together for the banks.
12:40 - This is frustrating. Second day in a row for a migraine. Cherie called and said I should eat something. She's a good woman for sure. I need reminders cause seldom feel the sensation of hunger and forget if I ate or not. Went to the Homestead site and perused it a while. Put a topic in about government programs for farms and stuff. These folks probably know lots of stuff though I suspect many stay away from government involvement. I don't blame them but figure if big corporations like Microsoft are tapping into goverment programs designed for small business I should try to get some of my tax money back. Isn't that what I pay the goverment for? I think I need to eat and take something stronger than aspirin for the headache
Virtual PC called to let me know the laptop was finished. He said they only found one little virus but there were a bunch of programs running in the background that were causing problems. I Won't be able to pick it up till tomorrow when some money gets into the bank.

I am still not doing well. Couldn't chase the migraine away and when I sat down to write a plan for the farm could not think. Got confused just trying to figure out what to put down. Even typing this is slow, one thought at a time, trying to choose a word to use is hard. I think I am down to a 4 on the Bob scale. Will know better when Cherie gets home cause my ability to respond shows it. I think I will quit for now and go back to read the Homesteader. I won't remember what I read but it fills the time well.

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