There are three ways of seeing life. In one people stick fast. In another they go to excess. In the third they see correctly.
In the first way, people take pleasure in all the things of life--in possessions and happenings, in families and continuation. When a teaching is proclaimed that advises nonattachment and going beyond the dictates of the self, their heart does not leap up and they are not drawn to it. In the second way, people are afflicted by hatred of life. Just as attached to life, they nonetheless revile it and make a bad thing of it to excess.
In the third way, people see life as it is--forever being and ceasing to be. They accept it willingly but are not attached and do not despair. It is they who begin to know the unconditioned.
-Itivuttaka Sutta
From "The Pocket Buddha Reader," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2000. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com.
7/31/06 Monday
It is a good morning cause I choose for it to be. I am up, washed, coffee buzzed, ate breakfast, got dishwater run, took my medicine, and happy this laptop again works well. We already have the air conditioning on.
How lucky and pampered we are to have luxuries like this. Most in this country consider it a necessity of life but there many who cannot afford this. The death toll from the heat wave is growing. This strengthens my resolve to make the farm house one that is designed to provide comfort and protection from the intense heat that is standard in West Texas. Passive solar is one of the designs out there but I am thinking up one that employs many of those concepts but is not totally passive.
Cherie made a short list of things for me to do, for which I am grateful. First on that list is to call the credit bureau to get their hours so Cherie and I can both go down there. I called and got a machine so will call again in an hour. Also on the list is to call Jim McGilvray, the attorney handling the estate. I would like to get funds released so I can buy the trailer we found for sale in Indiana on the Homesteading Today website. It is too good a deal to pass up. Think I will do that right now.
I called Jim. He said that Virginia came in Friday and worked through things with him. He said she needed to decide what her fee would be. I suppose I should call her cause she is the one who ultimately controls the purse strings. Hate to be a nudge but would also hate to miss this opportunity for the trailer.
Talked to Virginia. I explained the chance to buy a trailer for a great price. She said she would talk to the bank and also Vickie. I’m not sure who Vickie is, perhaps Jim’s secretary. I encouraged Virginia to treat herself well regarding her fee for being the executor of the will. She earned it. She said Larry had left a message last week but that she hadn’t talked to him. I said that I hoped he wasn’t needing money already but who knows. He has been living on his credit cards so probably had big bills to pay. I am sure he spent some chunks on toys or perhaps investments in housing. Hope he spends it wisely.
It’s 9:49 now. Best wash the dishes before I forget. Then I will run the check to our storage unit. Another thing Cherie put on the list. I also need to wash the towels. That’s easy cause I don’t have to be careful of water temperature, drying temp, or what to hang up and dry. Need to get some quarters though. If the credit agency doesn’t answer the phone I’ll drop by cause their not far. Need to put calling our bankruptcy attorney on the list. Time to post this and get moving.
----------------------
So much for choosing to have a good day.
Now the emotional control issues are raising their ugly head. Tried to call the only credit bureau listed in the phone book only to be shunted to a recording. That recording went on about “If you want a copy of your Transunion credit report call 1-800-….” I called another number listed for the credit bureau because we really wanted to talk to a human. Cherie had tried for a month or more to get a credit report with no luck. She sent copies of drivers licenses and everything else they requested and still they would not release the report. That was with three agencies. At the second number a lady answered. She told me they stopped doing credit reports in 2002 but said “Hold on. I’ll switch you to a number that can help you”. It was the same recording. I called the 800 number given but got a message that said “It is ninety five cents a minute to chat…”. That was it. Some jackass chat thing that was probably a sex site. I hung up before she finished talking and hope that we won’t get billed.
Now I am set off. Heaven help the next person that runs into me now. I was going to pay the storage bill and run to the junk yard and get the car jack and crank we need for the truck. The crank is to mount the spare tire under the truck. I don’t think I will go out into public till I cool down. Called Cherie and dumped on her. Then I left a message for the lawyer who handled our bankruptcy. The bank was able to get one credit report and that showed some problems including a wireless phone bill for AT&T. We never had an account with them.
-----------------------
2:12 - I talked to the lady in Indiana who has the trailer for sale. Will send her a check for $100 to secure it till we get some money from the estate in Texas. Fredrick Boyk returned my call concerning getting the credit reports. He suggested putting his name on letters to the credit agencies. He also said that all debts prior to the bankruptcy were covered. If they still show up we need to write them a letter that included his name. That is a relief. I am settled down now so will venture out to get some things done.
Had to fight this computer again. Need to understand why so many programs are running cause that slows it down.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
A clear morning
7/30/06 SundayIt is 5:00 AM. It’s Prime Time! I woke up sharp and clear with this brain running at an 8 on the Bob scale. Not quite to the prime time level of 9 but it is a good start. There is a good chance that the early morning cobwebs will clear out as I wake up more. Got up and just made a pot of coffee. That will help clear cobwebs. Carman kitty just got the pets he expects every morning. I am anxious to finish setting up the new blog for the farm. As I think about it I feel it can be a valuable tool in helping me organize my thoughts and even having others give the advice we will definitely need.
Life has become so exciting for us. It is hard to believe that it was just four years ago that I was wandering homeless with severe memory loss. Now I am remarried to my first love after 25 years of not even knowing where Cherie was and we are preparing to head to Texas and build a life from scratch. I am still and hope I will always be amazed at how blessed I am. When we went to the El Tipico restaurant yesterday we talked with the owner and his wife for quite some time. In fact she had served up our meals while we talked and I had to excuse us because the food was getting cold.
He is a minister and was about as nice and open as you can get. They are the kind of people you are glad to spend your money with. He thought I looked familiar so I shared our story telling him that I had been featured on the ABC news as “Toledo’s John Doe”. When he found out that Cherie and I had met in bible college and that I had been ordained he asked how I was doing now.
I really didn’t want to get into my doubts regarding church because I know the reaction that would bring out. I did share that I had fallen away from that faith after Cherie and I had gone through the painful divorce 25 years ago. Now that I think about it the divorce was 23 years ago but that’s ok. He asked if it was drugs and alcohol or if I was mad at God. It wasn’t drugs but mad was a factor. Drugs and drinking came shortly after. Why I am writing all this I do not know but it is what comes out this morning. We talked about the brain injuries. First the one that was the cause of our divorce and then the one that brought us back together. When I told him that if I met him tomorrow I would not recognize him he looked at his wife and said “That sounds like that Hawaii movie. What was that called?”. “Fifty first dates” I said as she also searched her mind for the title. They are good people and we will make it a point to visit again before we leave.
I found a trailer for sale in the “Homestead Today” web site I had just found a few days ago. It is much like the other homestead site but seems to get into more detail about raising livestock and stuff. It is a seventeen foot livestock trailer for $600. Needs a new floor but for that price I could put in three new floors and come out ahead. I called to see if it was still available and it is. We don’t have the cash right now but the wife I talked to said they were going to the Indiana State fair this week so there is a good chance it will be available next weekend. Don’t know if we will have any money then but we will see. It’s a hell of a good deal and is just what we need for the move to Texas. Actually a lot better than a landscapers open trailer I was considering because of price.
Cherie is up now. I heard her alarm go off at 5:30 and presumed she had set it accidentally. No. I had forgotten she is to go to work this morning despite us talking about it yesterday. I plan on visiting Allen today. Wish he would keep better hours because when he gets up a 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon I’ve already had a day and am tired. Besides that I like to spend my evenings with my lovely wife.
Time to work on the farm blog. I think I named it
Our Dream, Our Oasis but will have to check to make sure.
-------------------------
12:16 – Cherie just called. She’s off work and at Miejer picking up a prescription. She got paid for a whole day of work. At time and a half that will help out a bunch. I just made some rice pudding. Got a ton of pictures put on theFarm blog and put some links to it and the two homesteader sites on Walked With Angels. I am so glad Byron showed me how to do this link thing. Thanks dude! I took a nap at 11:00 or so. When I get fatigued an hour nap goes a long way. I suppose it will always be this way. That’s what I read at the brain injury site. I have improved in so many other areas. The headaches and slow downs don’t come as often as they used to and I usually know what day it is when I wake up. The reduction of stress probably has a lot to do with that. When we get the farm set up things will be much better. It will be far more peaceful than here and I will be able to have an active routine. Pretty much the exact prescription found for TBI in all the literature. Having familiar surroundings is part of that also. I don’t get lost here as much either.
I’m not as sharp as I was this morning but that’s ok. Not doing bad at all, running a 7 on the Bob scale, which is average. I took the garbage out and it is miserable hot out there. Was going to work on the truck door but I may put that off. The next few days won’t be any better
---------------------------
It is 10:00 now. I called Allen and when I asked if he wanted me to come over he said he had a guest and they were talking about eating out. I told him that was a good idea because I know he doesn’t eat right and needs to get out of his hole. He seemed to not take that well for some strange reason. It ended with him saying he would call me. Whatever.
I just got done downloading more pictures to the Our dream blog and got mapstats set up on it. Getting real tired now. Checked Walked with Angels and had eighteen or so visitors. The Big Spring reader is there every day now and sometimes checks in twice in a day. Real curious who it is. Hey, drop me a comment to say hi ok? Getting pretty tired now so will call it a night.
Just went in to ask Cherie if she wanted me to shut her computer off. She had fallen asleep sitting up with the remote in her hand and was so out of it that she did not respond when I gently called her name or stroked her cheek. Had to get a picture of it but I don’t dare publish it cause it’ll get me in deep water quick. She’s up now and probably will have a hard time getting back to sleep
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Another dream, what could it mean?
Probably that I had a restless night7/29/06 Saturday
I woke at 4:48 this morning. Had another very different dream though not as vivid as before. In this one I am running a crew dismantling and removing the business furniture in a large office building. There are many personal effects that have been left behind by the previous tenants. Everything is old and dark in a traditional walnut way. My boss is an inscrutable oriental whom I give the respect a sensei receives. I am keeping everyone honest as we work and make sure everyone is staying at work and not being lazy.
We get towards the end of things and the pace steps up as the excitement of finishing approaches. I am dismantling the final walls from the inside as the crew on the other side of the walls take the pieces I hand them. It is going well and finally I remove enough of the wall that the others can come in where I have been working alone.
Just as we are carrying the last pieces onto the truck all hell breaks loose. A band of rough looking characters, dressed in leather armor reminiscent of the Chinese warriors of ancient times, are coming through the crowds of people on this busy city street. They are swinging whips that resemble a cat of nine tails made of thin steel cables and fling them into the air where they all fall across the power lines. The leader of this group comes to me. I see his knarred face with it’s Fu Manchu as he tells me “You’ve got till then (Pointing at his watch) to turn the electricity off or 23,000 will die.
Me and a trusted associate spring into action. “How do I get to the top of this building” I say as I look at the towering office building we had just emptied. I knew the elevators and inside would be booby trapped and there are no windows in it. With a flash of desperate genius I leap on the side of this skyscraper and begin scaling it using the bricks that were decoratively sticking out of the walls like a rock climber. “This is impossible to do” I think as I grasp one brick at a time and slowly hoist myself up, careful yet in a hurry.
I make it to the top. Coming over the edge to the roof I see the crown of this skyscraper. It is a wooden dome, weathered and dark. As I look the front rolls open and I see an old friend who had been in seclusion there for ages. He looks at me with his face now covered with the bushy beard that has grown in his years at this place and says “Welcome my old friend, are you ready for that game of chess”. He opens his arms which are covered by the long baggy sleeves of his monks robe. I see the chess set already set up, waiting for this moment as it has been since he arrived to this place decades ago.
My associate just now makes it over the top and comes to me questioningly. I tell him to play this man a game of chess and “Be careful, he’s good”. With the game starting I rush to find the breaker box and turn off the electricity. Running down the dark stairs I find the switch and pull it in time with great relief.
Then I woke up. It is now 6:09 and I have made a pot of coffee and finished the first cup. Actually it is sitting next to me half full and half cold. Good morning world! I have started. Still tired. Went to sleep just after midnight so I got four hours of sleep. I suppose I should take my medicine. Cherie is stirring on occasion but still asleep. She woke up around the time I did with one of her hot flashes so sat on the edge of the bed in front of the fan till it passed. I gently rubbed her back and still asleep she mumbled something and laid back down.
The night has turned into day as I recorded this dream though the sun is not yet visible. I think I will check my E mail now. Perhaps post this on the blog.
------------------------
8:49 – Cherie is hurrying to get ready to visit Eileen. It always takes her a while but that is the way it is. She has to make sure everything is right before she goes out in public. Living on the farm may be rough on her in that regard but maybe not. I fixed French toast this morning so we had some good protein before we leave.
I looked on the Toledo map after hearing what streets the sewage system had backed up on, filling basements up to four feet high with raw sewage. I wanted to see how close Allen’s house was to that cause he lives in a basement and has flooded during hard rains before. Yeah it’s close. I have not called him since I offered him a free computer and he was worried if it was good enough or not. He doesn’t own one at all and it grated on me that he would do this. Now however I must give him a call because he probably needs help cleaning. Also because he isolates himself so much he will probably be unaware that there are faith based groups reaching out to help flood victims as well as FEMA.
Looking forward to visiting with Eileen. Will take this laptop because it has all the pictures in it.
Just called her and she said she needed to run over to her sister’s house so wouldn’t get back till 10:30 or 11:00.
We got to visit with Eileen. I will perhaps write about it later. It is 7:19 now and I am not doing well. Real foggy and got a headache again. We stopped at a restaurant called El Tipico on the way back. Probably spelled that wrong. We were going to find a Taco Bell but saw the restaurant on the way there. We had heard about it or something so figured it had to beat Taco Bell. It not only beat Taco Hell (My nickname for it) but beat most of the Mexican restaurants in town. Nice small place run by a husband and wife. His father had passed the restaurant down to him. Real Mexican food, not the commercial stuff made to satisfy Americans found in most places. I had ordered tamales cause that is a telling proof regarding Mexican food. Good stuff with shredded beef, clearly made by hand. We will go back. What’s funny is it beat everything we found in Midland Texas which has more Mexican restaurants than anything else.
Allen returned my call. I called while at Eileen’s. Come to find out he did not flood which is good but he didn’t call till 6:00. That indicates he is still not keeping anything that resembles regular hours. In fact he wasn’t even aware of the floods blocks from him and asked me when it rained. “Was it last night, was it the day before?” he questioned me. He wasn’t aware it has been roasting hot for days now. His satellite feed got roasted he told me so even that conduit to the outside world has been cut off. I probably ought to visit him and will. It is often uncomfortable but that’s the way it is. I am beginning to understand he is mentally ill. Thought it was the addiction to pain killers but realize it is much more than that. Not much I can do other than be a friend and fight his isolation by visiting. I think I will get him the computer despite his attitude cause it may help him get in better touch with the world.
The visit with Eileen went OK. She has been loosing weight cause she can’t keep food down. Things were nice at first but then the phone started ringing. Boo came to visit with her grandson whom she calls “Half breed”. Watching how they interacted was a shock for Cherie. It was F this and F that. “You better F-ing shut up” Boo would tell the ten or so year old kid when he bugged her to go back to Maumee and got the bathing suit he forgot. I took a picture of them though Boo wasn’t keen on that. 
Eileen’s son, Bobby, came over from next door. His kids came by to swim in the pool. Eileen said Bobby was getting more respectful after Mick, Eileen’s boyfriend, told him he better straighten up. Mick is a biker and a Vietnam vet who doesn’t mess around. Bobby knows Mick will kick his ass in a heartbeat. He wouldn’t like me writing this but that’s tough. I would like to meet him cause we are very much alike. Bobby still has a drinking problem but that's not news. Eileen and I talked about how many times I fired him when he worked for me. I think I hired about everyone in her family except her daughter over the years.
Each visit to the East side is culture shock for Cherie. It’s home for me and I am very comfortable there but is like nothing Cherie has experienced before. We passed the house that had been firebombed a few days ago. It is at the end of Eileen’s block. They tore it down already. This is a hard place to grow up in. Cherie went shopping to get a present for Pat going on three hours ago. For her shopping is a way to unwind. I am sure she needs that after being on the East side. We were both glad to escape the cigarette smoke. I am so glad I kicked that nasty habit. While there Eileen got a call from her niece. Her father was dying of lung cancer. Boo talked about how the lumps in her throat weren’t cancerous so she would smoke till they were. My mother was the same way and told me once years ago that she would never quit despite having cancer several times and beating it. It finally beat her and she died before Lee, her mother, did.
I got a credit report in. There are a few things that I need to check on. It is really kind of cryptic and doesn’t give a clear picture of what debt is what, just gives an account number. I need to take it to the lawyer who handled our bankruptcy.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Good morning world
Wow! I've already gotten a load of visitors to this blog and am just looking at it myself. Some of these Homesteaders get up early. Course when we get to Texas we'll learn to do the same. If nothing else to get as much outside work done as we can before it hits 100 degrees.I am sharp this morning. Always love it when this damaged brain decides to work. Hope it stays that way as I pretty much lost the last few days due to the partial seizures. This morning I get to pick up my laptop. Kind of got attached to it cause it is a valuable tool to help me compensate for the brain injury. It also contains most of the information I have gathered for the farm and for that matter my life since I woke from the coma. I've scanned in every document and letter I've written. That reminds me, I best make another back up disc to secure that info.
I am also going to stop by the VA clinic to inquire about veteran benifits for the farm. One of the homesteaders gave me some sage advise on that. He said focus on the house with the VA.
Got to get moving and take advantage of this period of mental clarity. It is what I call prime time and I never know how long it will last. Be back later.
---------------------------
12:20 – Cherie just came home for lunch. I could instantly tell something was wrong. When I asked her what was wrong she said “Nothing” and started crying. I held her and explained that she can’t tell me nothing’s wrong and cry, “I kinda know better so what’s going on”. “I hate being rejected” she told me between sobs. Come to find out Pat and Debbie had been giving her the cold shoulder and snuck out to lunch without inviting Cherie as they used to always do. Pat is the girl who had been feeding Carman kitty while we were in Texas. Debbie is a manipulator who was getting Pat worked up about not being able to find Carman once. I told Cherie to just come out and ask what was wrong instead of letting it continue. “It’s always better to communicate. This might be over some little thing that can be solved by getting it out into the open” I advised her. 
I told her that I loved her and would love her forever. She said she was glad and that if I hadn’t come back in her life she would just be an empty shell. I fixed her a sandwich with the leftover pork and a little love thrown in for good measure. She just left to get back to work and is in much better spirits. Hope she is brave enough to confront these two. I did suggest she get a gift for Pat for caring for Carman while we were gone. Cherie had been contemplating paying Pat $150.00 for it. I asked if they had talked about getting paid before we left and Cherie said “No”. I told her to just get a nice gift and a card because it would mean more. Besides that we are broke.I got my laptop back. Using it right now. Feels good to have it here, kinda a security thing as I depend on it so much. Now I can post pictures on the blog cause I didn’t have any in Cherie’s computer. I think I will post this and get back to doing things.
-----------------------
Wayne asked “Would you do me a favor?”. Of course I will and he knows it but was nice enough to ask. He needs more laxative because the bowel problem is acting up again. This is a common problem with Multiple Sclerosis and will only get worse not better. He also needed some stamps. Wayne gave me a twenty hoping it would be enough. Doesn’t matter cause I would cover it anyway but won’t tell him because he gets dingy about it. At Kroger I looked at the Metamucil he had asked for. The big bottle he wants is fifteen bucks and some change. The book of stamps was $7.80 so that’s what I expected. Then I noticed the Kroger brand of laxative and it was on sale. $6.89 or something close to that but there was a sign on it that said “Buy one get one free”. I picked up the jar and compared ingredients. They are identical. Sometimes it is hard for me to make a decision but not this time. I got two containers for 1/3 of the price of Metamucil. Wayne got change back from his twenty though he was surprised when I walked in with two bottles. I also picked up a roll of tape for him.
We talked for a bit and I ran to his mailbox to pick up his mail. He told me all about how the physical therapist would be coming and that someone would help him wash his clothes. They are also getting him a special toilet seat that sits higher so standing up won’t be so hard. He mentioned some other handicap items but I don’t remember them now. I was getting tired so came home. I think this is the first time I saw him since we got back from Texas but can’t be sure.
Cherie should be home soon. I am real tired but will go work on the door handle on the truck. It is not working well and I noticed is working it’s way loose. Then I will probably have to lie down.
It’s nearly 11:00 now. Cherie came home from work just when I started to look at the truck door. “How about we go to the Glendale Garden Café” she suggested. Hey it’s Friday and this is the first paycheck since we got back from Texas and I can tell Cherie would like to not fix dinner so it’s a good idea. She'd already had a rough morning though she was doing much better. We got to the Café and found it is being remodeled thus was closed. Bummer, but we are in Toledo, tons of restaurants here, even for tight budgets.
Dinner was great. The GG Café has a sister restaurant that is not far so that worked. Love the Mediterranean food. Cherie had a kabob thing with a mix of lamb and whatnot that I will have to get next time. We came home. I never did get to fix the truck door and fell asleep for a couple of hours while Cherie shopped for a gift for Pat. Now it is time to get to bed.
Tomorrow we go see Eileen in the morning. She will fix cinnamon rolls and coffee and we will talk and talk. For those of you who do not follow closely or are part of the new influx of readers from the Homestead site, Eileen was my secretary for twelve years or so and knows more about me than many. It was Eileen that I spent four days to find when I was wandering homeless with the amnesia. I had once lived next door but that doesn’t matter when you lost your memory. She has filled in many of the blanks in this brain. I would say she is my best friend. Anyway we look forward to visiting. Good night all. 
I carved this shortly after waking from the coma.
Click on it to make it bigger.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Woke up tired
7/27/06
I woke up tired after having another strange dream. This time I was new at a facility that was somewhat institutional. When a clique decided they didn't like me things began to disapear from my locker. I had a physical confrontation with one of the members of this gang. He had come to attack me but I put him down hard. The superiors of this institution said they could not do anything so I was on my own. Leaving the person whom I had just put down I saw a three members of this gang eying me from a distance as they positioned themselves to attack when I walked by. I went down a different path to circumvent this and catch them unawares. I wasn't scared or avoiding the confrontation but had every intention of attacking them before they got me. Then I woke up. Too wierd.
Anyway I feel exhausted. There is nothing on my calendar for today. I will clean up the kitchen. Most of the mess is from my cooking. The ribs I cooked in the crock pot were great. I had a bad slowdown about the time Cherie came home from work. This one came with one of those migraines that just stop me. I kept pushing to get the dinner done but was bitchy and frustrated at the partial seizure and migraine. Not easy to get along with.
Eileen called during this period and Cherie took the call. She explained I was not doing well and it was not a good time to talk to me. I greatly appreciated this. Barb had also called and asked "Are you busy tomorrow?". I asked her what she needed and she launched into a long explanation that basically said she wanted a ride to buy a micrwave. I told her that unless it was an emergency or vitally important I would not give her a ride. I have to make sure she, and for that matter everyone I help, does not again become dependent on me. We will be moving to Texas in October so this is neccessary.
Besides that there is much I need to do to prepare for becoming a farmer. I think I will start using the term "Homesteader" because, after visiting the Homsteader website and others, I find it more accurately defines where we are heading. It is a fascinating culture which at it's roots is the spirit of this country's earliest settlers. There is a bravery demonstrated in these modern day homesteaders who stretch to carve out their future through hard work and perserverance. Many of these folks are those who reject a world and lifestyle that has caused much pain and seek a simpler more harmonious existence. There is a peace that can be found in this that is hard to get in the city. This is true for Cherie and I also. For me with my brain injury it is a big factor. Stress and having to move quick freeze up this brain. I don't handle unfamiliar well. Going to a grocery store can be hard, especially if it is one I have not visited before. A familiar setting and well defined routines are whats best. This I was taught at the brain injury place I attended in St Louis. For Cherie escaping the things that cause much consternation and pain is a good thing. Going out to create a new life together is an exciting thing that we very much look forward to. It is a joy, depth,?? can't find a word to describe it but we are one and this deepens that bond.
I am not real speedy brain wise but not bad. Running a 6 on the Bob scale. I think the tiredness is from the slowdown yesterday. They can drain me. It is time for me to get the kitchen done and then I must focus on my studies for the farm. Have to get a plan put together for the banks.
------------------------------
12:40 - This is frustrating. Second day in a row for a migraine. Cherie called and said I should eat something. She's a good woman for sure. I need reminders cause seldom feel the sensation of hunger and forget if I ate or not. Went to the Homestead site and perused it a while. Put a topic in about government programs for farms and stuff. These folks probably know lots of stuff though I suspect many stay away from government involvement. I don't blame them but figure if big corporations like Microsoft are tapping into goverment programs designed for small business I should try to get some of my tax money back. Isn't that what I pay the goverment for? I think I need to eat and take something stronger than aspirin for the headache
-----------------------------
Virtual PC called to let me know the laptop was finished. He said they only found one little virus but there were a bunch of programs running in the background that were causing problems. I Won't be able to pick it up till tomorrow when some money gets into the bank.
I am still not doing well. Couldn't chase the migraine away and when I sat down to write a plan for the farm could not think. Got confused just trying to figure out what to put down. Even typing this is slow, one thought at a time, trying to choose a word to use is hard. I think I am down to a 4 on the Bob scale. Will know better when Cherie gets home cause my ability to respond shows it. I think I will quit for now and go back to read the Homesteader. I won't remember what I read but it fills the time well.
I woke up tired after having another strange dream. This time I was new at a facility that was somewhat institutional. When a clique decided they didn't like me things began to disapear from my locker. I had a physical confrontation with one of the members of this gang. He had come to attack me but I put him down hard. The superiors of this institution said they could not do anything so I was on my own. Leaving the person whom I had just put down I saw a three members of this gang eying me from a distance as they positioned themselves to attack when I walked by. I went down a different path to circumvent this and catch them unawares. I wasn't scared or avoiding the confrontation but had every intention of attacking them before they got me. Then I woke up. Too wierd.
Anyway I feel exhausted. There is nothing on my calendar for today. I will clean up the kitchen. Most of the mess is from my cooking. The ribs I cooked in the crock pot were great. I had a bad slowdown about the time Cherie came home from work. This one came with one of those migraines that just stop me. I kept pushing to get the dinner done but was bitchy and frustrated at the partial seizure and migraine. Not easy to get along with.
Eileen called during this period and Cherie took the call. She explained I was not doing well and it was not a good time to talk to me. I greatly appreciated this. Barb had also called and asked "Are you busy tomorrow?". I asked her what she needed and she launched into a long explanation that basically said she wanted a ride to buy a micrwave. I told her that unless it was an emergency or vitally important I would not give her a ride. I have to make sure she, and for that matter everyone I help, does not again become dependent on me. We will be moving to Texas in October so this is neccessary.
Besides that there is much I need to do to prepare for becoming a farmer. I think I will start using the term "Homesteader" because, after visiting the Homsteader website and others, I find it more accurately defines where we are heading. It is a fascinating culture which at it's roots is the spirit of this country's earliest settlers. There is a bravery demonstrated in these modern day homesteaders who stretch to carve out their future through hard work and perserverance. Many of these folks are those who reject a world and lifestyle that has caused much pain and seek a simpler more harmonious existence. There is a peace that can be found in this that is hard to get in the city. This is true for Cherie and I also. For me with my brain injury it is a big factor. Stress and having to move quick freeze up this brain. I don't handle unfamiliar well. Going to a grocery store can be hard, especially if it is one I have not visited before. A familiar setting and well defined routines are whats best. This I was taught at the brain injury place I attended in St Louis. For Cherie escaping the things that cause much consternation and pain is a good thing. Going out to create a new life together is an exciting thing that we very much look forward to. It is a joy, depth,?? can't find a word to describe it but we are one and this deepens that bond.
I am not real speedy brain wise but not bad. Running a 6 on the Bob scale. I think the tiredness is from the slowdown yesterday. They can drain me. It is time for me to get the kitchen done and then I must focus on my studies for the farm. Have to get a plan put together for the banks.
------------------------------
12:40 - This is frustrating. Second day in a row for a migraine. Cherie called and said I should eat something. She's a good woman for sure. I need reminders cause seldom feel the sensation of hunger and forget if I ate or not. Went to the Homestead site and perused it a while. Put a topic in about government programs for farms and stuff. These folks probably know lots of stuff though I suspect many stay away from government involvement. I don't blame them but figure if big corporations like Microsoft are tapping into goverment programs designed for small business I should try to get some of my tax money back. Isn't that what I pay the goverment for? I think I need to eat and take something stronger than aspirin for the headache
-----------------------------
Virtual PC called to let me know the laptop was finished. He said they only found one little virus but there were a bunch of programs running in the background that were causing problems. I Won't be able to pick it up till tomorrow when some money gets into the bank.
I am still not doing well. Couldn't chase the migraine away and when I sat down to write a plan for the farm could not think. Got confused just trying to figure out what to put down. Even typing this is slow, one thought at a time, trying to choose a word to use is hard. I think I am down to a 4 on the Bob scale. Will know better when Cherie gets home cause my ability to respond shows it. I think I will quit for now and go back to read the Homesteader. I won't remember what I read but it fills the time well.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
This will be a good day.
7/26/06 WednesdayThis is a good start for today. The brain is running at an 8 on the Bob scale. Cherie left me a list of things that need to be done for which I am grateful. I told her that while I may be labeled disabled I can do lots, just need some direction. I have showered, won’t shave, washed the dishes, made a rub for the pork ribs, and then went to the homesteader website. There is so much there and it is a large active community of homesteaders that I think it is vital I become a part of it. These folks are living the life we are heading into. I am not at all familiar with the forums, which are kinda like chat rooms. Never did chat rooms though I did try the brain injury one. That left me confused and frustrated because I couldn’t figure out how to do it. This format is simpler so I can handle it though I don’t know how to post a picture.
I suppose I should fix something to eat. It is almost 11:00. Need to get the laundry started and change the sheets. (That’s on my to do list)
----------------------
Well you probably won't hear much from me for a day or two. Finally had to take the laptop in. It got so bad it would not even shut off. At least I have Cherie's computer to go online with. Tired now. GOt the laundry done and awill go put sheets on the bed so I can lay down.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Memories, Histories
This was going to be at the end of the previous post but when I got going I could see this deserved it's own section. Read the end of the other post cause I was waxing eloquent.
I suppose I should post some of the pictures. The ones here are of my brother and I. Strangely enough I remember this sweater. I suppose I am eight or something. It is strange that memories from this early in my life are still there and clear but they become more fragmented as time moves on. I have clear memories of the twenty four hour day care our mother put us in when we were three or four years old. Not good ones at all. I remember taking the now empty bowl back up to see if I could have more cause I was hungry. That got me a “Go back and sit down” coupled with a smack upside the head. My grandmother told me years later that when they rescued us out of their they took us to a place that served hot dogs and ice cream. When our food came I put my arm around it to guard it from anyone who might try and steal it. She said it shocked her and Rudy to see that and how quickly Larry and I ate our food. They knew things were bad but this let them know how bad it was.
Among the pictures were this one showing my brother and I with mother. I don’t remember this at all. I suppose I should but it’s not there.
This picture is from when Lee and Rudy took us to Carlsbad Caverns. That I do remember. Cool place that I think Cherie and I will go to when we get settled in Texas. It is in New Mexico, which is not at all far from where we will be in Texas. At least I don’t think it is but can’t say I know for sure.
Another place Lee and Rudy took us was on the border with Mexico. It was an old Indian gathering point for it had a spring of water gushing out of the hillside. I mean lots of water, a column the diameter of a fire hydrant that was five feet long shooting sideways out of the cliff side. They had constructed several dams to create large ponds that were stocked with catfish. These fish were fed at the same time each day. It was a sight to see as the water came alive with the hundreds of fish that gathered on cue.
We would catch fish anytime we put a hook in the water. In fact we had to not fish so as to be able to eat what we caught. I still remember how good these grain and malt fed fish were. Lee would just peel the bones out in one motion and fry them up.
I climbed on top of one of the mesas just to do it. When I finally reached the top, which was ten times farther and harder than it looked from the bottom, I was astounded at what I saw. For the whole journey to that place we were weaving through canyons with the flat topped mesas always towering over us. Now I looked out and saw only a flat plain with the curve of the earth clearly visible. There is no doubt that this had one time been the bottom of a sea. This portion of the ocean was drained by some cataclysm eons ago that violently emptied thousands of square miles of land that extended at least to the Permian Basin where our farm is. The exiting waters carved out the canyons leaving behind the mesas who’s tops were all uniformly at the same level.
There was much of my history revealed in the boxes and pictures we found at the farm. This is my drivers license that expired while I was in the Texas prison system.
I look at this and find it hard to imagine that this is the kid who was going to be pushed into the service by a judge and…well there’s no room here for this part of the tale. Military service, streets, prison, all this in just three or four years.
A picture of me with my grandmother. I am wearing my Texas prison uniform. I’m a skinny little kid and prison is hard when your not big and strong. Lee was a source of strength for me and integral to my survival. I had been selling ground up aspirin as cocaine and a small amount wrapped in tin foil was found when we were pulled over. Secure in the knowledge it was aspirin I took the blame despite the packet being in another’s possession. The detective said it tested positive as cocaine and I was given a ten year sentence. This would follow me the rest of my life, giving me the stigma of “Ex-Con”. The legal system would interpret that as me being a hardened criminal. It made it harder to find a good job and getting a fair shake in court was near to impossible.
This Mustang was mine but my grandmother gave it to Larry here while I was in the joint. It was fine with me. Larry later told me how he broke out the window when he went to throw a beer bottle he had just emptied out. Unfortunately the window was rolled up. The car would later mysteriously catch on fire as he drove it. At least that’s how the story is told. Good for some insurance money.
In prison I got religious. There are lots of pictures of me with a bible. I went to bible college upon my release where I met and would later marry Cherie the first time. That is detailed in the love story that has yet to make it out to the blog.
This picture is a puzzle. It is my brother smoking a joint in the farm house. Who took the picture and how it got into grandmother’s collection I will probably never know. I do know she would have never allowed such a thing.
There are many pictures of my grandfather Rudy. He was a decorated veteran of the pacific theatre during world war two. I remember him telling me that he earned his purple heart when he got shot in the ass on some tropical island. The war was hard on him as it is hard on everyone who must be in the thick of it. He would wake up from a dream screaming and once put his fist through the window.
One time, when I had come to live with them after leaving my fathers when I was fourteen or so, he got irritated at my continually changing the radio station in his truck as we were going fishing at Moss Creek Lake. I blubbered like a baby but needed it. Unlike the regular beatings my father gave me Rudy’s one little smack did much good. Kind of woke me up a little and taught me to show some respect. It didn’t take me long to forget that lesson with others but he always had my respect.
Here is a picture of Rudy shortly before he died of lung cancer. I remember sitting with him at the farm and taking a break from the work we did building the garage. We would smoke together and he would sometimes let me have a beer.
Lee and Rudy are a love story in their own right. Sure they had their problems as we all do but they stuck by and supported each other. The farm is a dream they built just as we will. The cast iron cookware collection you see on the wall is one of the many things that has disappeared over the years.
In my mind we are carrying on the legacy they left. There are pictures that show the many trees they planted and cared for. Here is a picture of Lee harvesting apricots. Most of the trees are gone now but we will remedy that.
You can see how the front porch used to be. I could tell it had been enclosed later on so was glad to find this picture.
This picture may show part of the farm house. I am really sure but the doors and window appear to be in the right place. If it is it reveals some interesting details as to the construction. It looks like the place had been gutted from what you can see through the window. Just like we are going to have to gut it ourselves.
One of the chickens on the farm hatched and raised eleven quail. I have a picture of the mother quail with the hen both sitting on the eggs. There are still many quail around the farm house. They would run or fly off many times when we went around the corner.
This is a West Texas Jackrabbit. Rudy had brought it home after a farmer had plowed over the hole it was in. They named it Baby. Baby’s hind legs had been a bit mangled by the plow. It was still a baby at the time and became Lee’s house pet. Kind of messy cause you couldn’t potty train it. The back of one of the pictures says Baby lived six years. I remember him hobbling all over the house. Lee was the only person Baby would allow to touch him though on rare occasions I could.
So many memories are released with these pictures. It adds to the sense of us continuing what they originally founded here at the farm. Like they passed the baton to us. If Lee and Rudy are watching us I want to make them proud and imagine them together, shaking their heads in approval. I know that’s allot of huey but don’t care. It feels right and good.
I suppose I should post some of the pictures. The ones here are of my brother and I. Strangely enough I remember this sweater. I suppose I am eight or something. It is strange that memories from this early in my life are still there and clear but they become more fragmented as time moves on. I have clear memories of the twenty four hour day care our mother put us in when we were three or four years old. Not good ones at all. I remember taking the now empty bowl back up to see if I could have more cause I was hungry. That got me a “Go back and sit down” coupled with a smack upside the head. My grandmother told me years later that when they rescued us out of their they took us to a place that served hot dogs and ice cream. When our food came I put my arm around it to guard it from anyone who might try and steal it. She said it shocked her and Rudy to see that and how quickly Larry and I ate our food. They knew things were bad but this let them know how bad it was. 
Among the pictures were this one showing my brother and I with mother. I don’t remember this at all. I suppose I should but it’s not there.
This picture is from when Lee and Rudy took us to Carlsbad Caverns. That I do remember. Cool place that I think Cherie and I will go to when we get settled in Texas. It is in New Mexico, which is not at all far from where we will be in Texas. At least I don’t think it is but can’t say I know for sure.Another place Lee and Rudy took us was on the border with Mexico. It was an old Indian gathering point for it had a spring of water gushing out of the hillside. I mean lots of water, a column the diameter of a fire hydrant that was five feet long shooting sideways out of the cliff side. They had constructed several dams to create large ponds that were stocked with catfish. These fish were fed at the same time each day. It was a sight to see as the water came alive with the hundreds of fish that gathered on cue.
We would catch fish anytime we put a hook in the water. In fact we had to not fish so as to be able to eat what we caught. I still remember how good these grain and malt fed fish were. Lee would just peel the bones out in one motion and fry them up. I climbed on top of one of the mesas just to do it. When I finally reached the top, which was ten times farther and harder than it looked from the bottom, I was astounded at what I saw. For the whole journey to that place we were weaving through canyons with the flat topped mesas always towering over us. Now I looked out and saw only a flat plain with the curve of the earth clearly visible. There is no doubt that this had one time been the bottom of a sea. This portion of the ocean was drained by some cataclysm eons ago that violently emptied thousands of square miles of land that extended at least to the Permian Basin where our farm is. The exiting waters carved out the canyons leaving behind the mesas who’s tops were all uniformly at the same level.
There was much of my history revealed in the boxes and pictures we found at the farm. This is my drivers license that expired while I was in the Texas prison system.
I look at this and find it hard to imagine that this is the kid who was going to be pushed into the service by a judge and…well there’s no room here for this part of the tale. Military service, streets, prison, all this in just three or four years.
A picture of me with my grandmother. I am wearing my Texas prison uniform. I’m a skinny little kid and prison is hard when your not big and strong. Lee was a source of strength for me and integral to my survival. I had been selling ground up aspirin as cocaine and a small amount wrapped in tin foil was found when we were pulled over. Secure in the knowledge it was aspirin I took the blame despite the packet being in another’s possession. The detective said it tested positive as cocaine and I was given a ten year sentence. This would follow me the rest of my life, giving me the stigma of “Ex-Con”. The legal system would interpret that as me being a hardened criminal. It made it harder to find a good job and getting a fair shake in court was near to impossible.
This Mustang was mine but my grandmother gave it to Larry here while I was in the joint. It was fine with me. Larry later told me how he broke out the window when he went to throw a beer bottle he had just emptied out. Unfortunately the window was rolled up. The car would later mysteriously catch on fire as he drove it. At least that’s how the story is told. Good for some insurance money. 
In prison I got religious. There are lots of pictures of me with a bible. I went to bible college upon my release where I met and would later marry Cherie the first time. That is detailed in the love story that has yet to make it out to the blog.
This picture is a puzzle. It is my brother smoking a joint in the farm house. Who took the picture and how it got into grandmother’s collection I will probably never know. I do know she would have never allowed such a thing.There are many pictures of my grandfather Rudy. He was a decorated veteran of the pacific theatre during world war two. I remember him telling me that he earned his purple heart when he got shot in the ass on some tropical island. The war was hard on him as it is hard on everyone who must be in the thick of it. He would wake up from a dream screaming and once put his fist through the window.
One time, when I had come to live with them after leaving my fathers when I was fourteen or so, he got irritated at my continually changing the radio station in his truck as we were going fishing at Moss Creek Lake. I blubbered like a baby but needed it. Unlike the regular beatings my father gave me Rudy’s one little smack did much good. Kind of woke me up a little and taught me to show some respect. It didn’t take me long to forget that lesson with others but he always had my respect. 
Here is a picture of Rudy shortly before he died of lung cancer. I remember sitting with him at the farm and taking a break from the work we did building the garage. We would smoke together and he would sometimes let me have a beer.
Lee and Rudy are a love story in their own right. Sure they had their problems as we all do but they stuck by and supported each other. The farm is a dream they built just as we will. The cast iron cookware collection you see on the wall is one of the many things that has disappeared over the years.
In my mind we are carrying on the legacy they left. There are pictures that show the many trees they planted and cared for. Here is a picture of Lee harvesting apricots. Most of the trees are gone now but we will remedy that.
You can see how the front porch used to be. I could tell it had been enclosed later on so was glad to find this picture.
This picture may show part of the farm house. I am really sure but the doors and window appear to be in the right place. If it is it reveals some interesting details as to the construction. It looks like the place had been gutted from what you can see through the window. Just like we are going to have to gut it ourselves.
One of the chickens on the farm hatched and raised eleven quail. I have a picture of the mother quail with the hen both sitting on the eggs. There are still many quail around the farm house. They would run or fly off many times when we went around the corner.
This is a West Texas Jackrabbit. Rudy had brought it home after a farmer had plowed over the hole it was in. They named it Baby. Baby’s hind legs had been a bit mangled by the plow. It was still a baby at the time and became Lee’s house pet. Kind of messy cause you couldn’t potty train it. The back of one of the pictures says Baby lived six years. I remember him hobbling all over the house. Lee was the only person Baby would allow to touch him though on rare occasions I could. So many memories are released with these pictures. It adds to the sense of us continuing what they originally founded here at the farm. Like they passed the baton to us. If Lee and Rudy are watching us I want to make them proud and imagine them together, shaking their heads in approval. I know that’s allot of huey but don’t care. It feels right and good.
In a bad mood this morning
7/25/06 Tuesday
Not in a good mood this morning. Cherie is still taking everything on her shoulders and is exhausted. I have asked her for the three years we’ve been together to tell me things to do to help. She will do it one or two times and then go back to doing everything herself. I may have a disability but I am not helpless by any means. There is a pile of laundry that she has fretted about for days. She took some of it to her parents but there is still tons sitting on the floor. When I asked her if I could do it she told me that I shrunk some of her stuff and was kind of pissy. That was back a year ago and I told her all she has to do is separate things out and give me clear directions on what to hang up and what to put in the dryer. When she did that there were no problems.
Fought with this computer again this morning. Waiting for some money to get in the bank so I can take it in and have it cleaned up. Fixed some eggs and will go do some shopping. At least Cherie made me a list of what to buy. I tried to go online and check the bank account to see if the $100 credit from Firestone showed up. Couldn’t get in our main account because Cherie hid the passwords instead of putting them in the notebook we keep all those things in. Called her up and she said she hid it in case we got broke into. That didn’t set well at all. I told her that if we got burglarized we were screwed anyway. No one’s going to steal an innocuous notebook when there are multiple computers, TV, stereo, and other things a thief would want cause they could turn it into cash for drugs. I’m going to run to the store now. That won’t settle me down but it will be good to get out.
I was up late using the HP scanner to scan in the film negatives we found in the stuff from the farm. There are pictures of my brother and I when we were kids. Some were when we went to a place near the Mexican border they took us too. I remember that well. There was a spring of water gushing out of the hillside and they made some small lakes by damming it off. In them were catfish they fed daily. We would catch a batch every day and cook them right up. These were some of the rare good memories I have. I am sure there were many other good times but their memory is gone. There were some pictures of us with our mother. That I absolutely have no recollection of. I’ll post some of these when I get back from the store.
---------------------
Searching for memories. I spent the last two hours scanning in pictures from the farm. So much there, so much lost, some of it came back but there are mysteries here. Cherie came home for lunch and was nearly in tears because of our morning. She said she didn’t know what was wrong with her and was sorry. I hugged her and tried to get her more positive, telling her it would get better as she learned to ask me to do things. That seemed to help.
I went back to scanning pictures when she went back to work. Then the phone rang. It was Barb. She needs a ride to the courthouse to get the police report of when Basil broke into her place. This is important because she must have it for her meeting with section 8 to insure she will still have a place to live. That I will do for her. Called Fred to use his car. I’ll tell you more when I get back.
---------------------
Well the word’s out – Bob’s back in town… Taking Barb downtown was a reminder of what I do. You know, the short term memory needs reminders. Barb was kinda lost about things but that’s the way it is with a brain injury. I didn’t help because I, cock sure I knew where she needed to go, took her to the wrong building. Barb kept saying she thought it was wrong and even said “Let’s stop and look at the board that has all the departments”. I told her no, we needed to go down to the basement. Nope, Wrong Place!!!
Barb stopped a lady who worked there and learned we needed to be at the safety building next door. She called it the police station at first which lost me. I’ve been there several times in my life, often to purchase or deliver furniture for my business but also for legal problems.
We walked over there and found the place she needed to get the police report. I went with her to the window and when she got lost trying to explain to the lady behind the bullet proof glass jumped in to help. Come to find out the only police report they had was from the first time Basil broke in. That was the time he got arrested. The second time Barb had to go to the hospital because of the injuries Basil caused and never followed up on filing charges. Part of the reason is she has no way of getting downtown but most of it is again from the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). This is the same thing I fight, to follow through on anything. Never did finish the Love Story. Talked about that for a couple of years and even wrote most of it. It is somewhere in this computer.
There was no police report then. So back to her place I took her. She filled me in all the things going on. They are checking for two types of cancer. One in her breast and the other is what they already found in her uterus or someplace in that area. That’s the one she’s having a hysterectomy for. She has a new lady leading her “group” at the Zeph Center. Maybe she’s in a different group session, don’t remember exactly. This woman has been showing Barb “new ways to cook” as Barb puts it. She showed me some of the spices the lady had given her and told me what they do. This is basic homeopathic herbal medicine and will probably be very good for Barb. She is learning how to cook and eat healthily and has lost quite a bit of weight. I told her she looked great. Barb is caring about her appearance more and wore a bra in addition to some nice clean clothes. It is good to see.
She told me about who was smoking crack, the pervert who has stolen some of her Meals on Wheels food, who was with who, and the lesbians at the end of the row, one of whom switched her addiction from heroin to crack. Then she took me down there because the other one, who is also named Barb, is one of those I was taking to get food. “They want to see you” Barb told me. “OK, I’ll go over” I told Barb. They were happy to see me. I told them about Texas and they told me how much they appreciated the help I had given. It was enough. I’m not big on lots of praise so I said I needed to get home and excused myself.
I have been in one of those aggressive modes, which is not always good. Got home a bit faster than I should have. I had decided to make flan, the Mexican desert I made before that we love. Checking the ingredients I saw we didn’t have any sweetened condensed milk so hopped in the truck to get some. Saw some Western ribs on sale so picked them up. I guess I want to remind Cherie that I can and like to cook so she will schedule some days for me to do so. The ribs I will do in the crock pot tomorrow. I made the flan. The recipe recommends it sit for at least four to six hours and overnight would be better. When I made it before it never made it four hours before we attacked it. It is hard but we will stay out of it till then. Maybe. Hmmm, it’s sitting right over there in the fridge. “Did you hear that?!” it’s calling out my name. OOOH this is gonna be hard but I can do it. I kicked dope and cigarettes so I should be able to not eat a little innocent dessert.
Not in a good mood this morning. Cherie is still taking everything on her shoulders and is exhausted. I have asked her for the three years we’ve been together to tell me things to do to help. She will do it one or two times and then go back to doing everything herself. I may have a disability but I am not helpless by any means. There is a pile of laundry that she has fretted about for days. She took some of it to her parents but there is still tons sitting on the floor. When I asked her if I could do it she told me that I shrunk some of her stuff and was kind of pissy. That was back a year ago and I told her all she has to do is separate things out and give me clear directions on what to hang up and what to put in the dryer. When she did that there were no problems.
Fought with this computer again this morning. Waiting for some money to get in the bank so I can take it in and have it cleaned up. Fixed some eggs and will go do some shopping. At least Cherie made me a list of what to buy. I tried to go online and check the bank account to see if the $100 credit from Firestone showed up. Couldn’t get in our main account because Cherie hid the passwords instead of putting them in the notebook we keep all those things in. Called her up and she said she hid it in case we got broke into. That didn’t set well at all. I told her that if we got burglarized we were screwed anyway. No one’s going to steal an innocuous notebook when there are multiple computers, TV, stereo, and other things a thief would want cause they could turn it into cash for drugs. I’m going to run to the store now. That won’t settle me down but it will be good to get out.
I was up late using the HP scanner to scan in the film negatives we found in the stuff from the farm. There are pictures of my brother and I when we were kids. Some were when we went to a place near the Mexican border they took us too. I remember that well. There was a spring of water gushing out of the hillside and they made some small lakes by damming it off. In them were catfish they fed daily. We would catch a batch every day and cook them right up. These were some of the rare good memories I have. I am sure there were many other good times but their memory is gone. There were some pictures of us with our mother. That I absolutely have no recollection of. I’ll post some of these when I get back from the store.
---------------------
Searching for memories. I spent the last two hours scanning in pictures from the farm. So much there, so much lost, some of it came back but there are mysteries here. Cherie came home for lunch and was nearly in tears because of our morning. She said she didn’t know what was wrong with her and was sorry. I hugged her and tried to get her more positive, telling her it would get better as she learned to ask me to do things. That seemed to help.
I went back to scanning pictures when she went back to work. Then the phone rang. It was Barb. She needs a ride to the courthouse to get the police report of when Basil broke into her place. This is important because she must have it for her meeting with section 8 to insure she will still have a place to live. That I will do for her. Called Fred to use his car. I’ll tell you more when I get back.
---------------------
Well the word’s out – Bob’s back in town… Taking Barb downtown was a reminder of what I do. You know, the short term memory needs reminders. Barb was kinda lost about things but that’s the way it is with a brain injury. I didn’t help because I, cock sure I knew where she needed to go, took her to the wrong building. Barb kept saying she thought it was wrong and even said “Let’s stop and look at the board that has all the departments”. I told her no, we needed to go down to the basement. Nope, Wrong Place!!!
Barb stopped a lady who worked there and learned we needed to be at the safety building next door. She called it the police station at first which lost me. I’ve been there several times in my life, often to purchase or deliver furniture for my business but also for legal problems.
We walked over there and found the place she needed to get the police report. I went with her to the window and when she got lost trying to explain to the lady behind the bullet proof glass jumped in to help. Come to find out the only police report they had was from the first time Basil broke in. That was the time he got arrested. The second time Barb had to go to the hospital because of the injuries Basil caused and never followed up on filing charges. Part of the reason is she has no way of getting downtown but most of it is again from the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). This is the same thing I fight, to follow through on anything. Never did finish the Love Story. Talked about that for a couple of years and even wrote most of it. It is somewhere in this computer.
There was no police report then. So back to her place I took her. She filled me in all the things going on. They are checking for two types of cancer. One in her breast and the other is what they already found in her uterus or someplace in that area. That’s the one she’s having a hysterectomy for. She has a new lady leading her “group” at the Zeph Center. Maybe she’s in a different group session, don’t remember exactly. This woman has been showing Barb “new ways to cook” as Barb puts it. She showed me some of the spices the lady had given her and told me what they do. This is basic homeopathic herbal medicine and will probably be very good for Barb. She is learning how to cook and eat healthily and has lost quite a bit of weight. I told her she looked great. Barb is caring about her appearance more and wore a bra in addition to some nice clean clothes. It is good to see.
She told me about who was smoking crack, the pervert who has stolen some of her Meals on Wheels food, who was with who, and the lesbians at the end of the row, one of whom switched her addiction from heroin to crack. Then she took me down there because the other one, who is also named Barb, is one of those I was taking to get food. “They want to see you” Barb told me. “OK, I’ll go over” I told Barb. They were happy to see me. I told them about Texas and they told me how much they appreciated the help I had given. It was enough. I’m not big on lots of praise so I said I needed to get home and excused myself.
I have been in one of those aggressive modes, which is not always good. Got home a bit faster than I should have. I had decided to make flan, the Mexican desert I made before that we love. Checking the ingredients I saw we didn’t have any sweetened condensed milk so hopped in the truck to get some. Saw some Western ribs on sale so picked them up. I guess I want to remind Cherie that I can and like to cook so she will schedule some days for me to do so. The ribs I will do in the crock pot tomorrow. I made the flan. The recipe recommends it sit for at least four to six hours and overnight would be better. When I made it before it never made it four hours before we attacked it. It is hard but we will stay out of it till then. Maybe. Hmmm, it’s sitting right over there in the fridge. “Did you hear that?!” it’s calling out my name. OOOH this is gonna be hard but I can do it. I kicked dope and cigarettes so I should be able to not eat a little innocent dessert.
Monday, July 24, 2006
AAAnd We're off
7/24/06 MondayI am doing much better this morning, running an 8 on the Bob scale. The first thing I did was run spyware on the computer. It found only cookies again. Because the Trojans are labeled as Java class with the description saying they sneak in through Java I uninstalled Java from the computer. I don’t have a clue what I am doing but figure that if they are hidden in Java I might get rid of them with the program. Then I went to Java and downloaded a fresh copy. We’ll see if that does anything.
I got moving good and early, fixing breakfast and hitting the shower as soon as Cherie left for work. Then I vacuumed the house. Just got back from taking Fred to the store. Forgot how much fun that is. Fred told me that Cathy took him to the store once as did Ritchie. When I put Fred’s groceries in the trunk I saw that someone had either driven like a madman or gone through everything cause the stuff I had long since stored neatly and tied down was all over the place. There was a deodorizer tied in the back and you could tell someone was smoking in the car. Kinda pissed me off. Don’t like anyone taking advantage of an old person anytime. Saw enough of that with my grandmother. She was cleaned out.
The bank on the corner of Byrne and Glendale, across the street from the barber, was robbed while Fred got his haircut. Gee it’s good to be back in the city. (Said with dripping sarcasm) It didn’t take long for three television trucks to get there and set up their towers.
It is after twelve now so I suppose I should fix something to eat. Already gaining back some of the fifteen pounds I lost in Texas. I didn’t have many slow downs there and it has been rough since we got back. Makes me wonder why. I had feared going would make things worse but the fact is it made things better. Coming back made things worse. Perhaps it is the pressure of having to get so much stuff together for our move down. Don’t know. I am going over to the bank and see Mary, the lady we have worked with the most. The bank had turned us down for a credit card, which we had expected. This will allow her to look at our credit check and run a copy off for us. We had tried repeatedly to get a credit check online with all three credit agencies with no luck at all. She had suggested doing it this way. Need to get it done because of the bankruptcy that was approved in January. That and the fact we will have lots of financial hurdles to leap for the farm.
2:54 – Just got back into the house. I had tried to copy today’s entry and Word froze up. Not a good sign. Ran Spysweeper and left to go see Mary at the bank. She had a line waiting so I decided to run over to Firestone and let them know what I thought. On the way I got stuck behind a street sweeper who would not pull over at any of the intersections it crossed to let me and the growing line of cars behind me pass. By the time I got to Firestone it was not good.
Just to get those of you who haven’t followed up to date, I had taken the truck we just bought to Firestone to get it checked up before we took it on the 4,000 mile trip to Texas. (There and back) I gave them a blank check so to speak when I said “Look for everything wrong you can find”. $660 dollars later I picked it up. Here’s the thing, the check engine light was on when I brought it in and when I picked it up it came back on just blocks away. I took it back and they had a guy plug their electronic computer whatchamacallit. I heard him say he would just turn the light off and they sent me on my way. A half mile down the road it came back on. OOKKK, I spun around and went back. They plugged the same device in and after some discussion between those who had been called over decided it “Might” be a catalytic converter. Their lack of confidence inspired my lack of confidence in them so I left to get a second opinion.
Nate has a friend (Nah, several friends) who plugged his diagnostic thing in to the truck. He had confidence that it was indeed my catalytic converter. I called Firestone and asked how much it would cost and got a price that ranged from $400 to $1000. Kind of sounded like a guess to me. I got several prices and finally got an aftermarket job done for $300.
Long story short, They had also overfilled the oil by a bunch and when I looked at the invoice I saw they charged $149.00 for the spark plug wires. But it said “Lifetime warranty”. Wow!! Charge me what three sets of wires cost and give me a warranty. I am impressed!!!... NOT.
I am steamed by the time I get there, amplified by the street sweeper (Who got a one finger wave as I drove by). After exchanging “How’d it go in Texas” pleasantries I unloaded. “How is it that after spending $660 dollars on a truck that had a check engine light on when I brought it and still had it after coming back twice you didn’t figure out what was wrong?”. He ran off a litany of excuses such as “The codes didn’t show up till later” that I didn’t accept. He tried again and it got to the point where I just looked at him and said “Bullshit”. (I’ve been known not to talk nice when I’m mad)
Then I let him know about the oil registering at twice the height on the dipstick and asked “Where’s the lifetime warranty?” “It’s on the receipt” was his reply. “Are the wires warranted by the manufacturer or by you?” I asked him. “Oh, Firestone guarantees them” he let me know with confidence. Now I am off “I wouldn’t have minded paying $660 if you’d have done the job right. What I got was half ass service”. One potential customer walked in and hearing me turned around and walked back out.
As he continued to tell me why they did a great job I decided it would be better to head out. “You know what? I’m tired of crap. I’m just going to write Firestone” I let him know as I headed out the door. That changed his tune right now. He called me back and asked what he could do to make it right. I probably could have gotten away with more but I am not a greedy person so I said “Knock a hundred off and that will help”. He agreed and had them pull the truck in to remedy the excess oil they had put in. They gave me another oil change for no charge and he credited my card with the $100 he said he would. Mollified I apologized for blowing up though I’m really not sorry and expressed my gratitude at their great sacrifice. I won’t go back. They screwed up Fred’s car resulting in a blown motor and another Firestone location had cheated Cherie on her brakes when we were just getting back together. Not real impressed.
As I typed this Microsoft Word froze up twice so I don’t thing my reloading Java had the desired affect. I suppose I will use the $100 credit to get this laptop cleaned when it shows up in our account.
Make that three times. Damn.
I went back to the bank and waited for Mary. She called the credit agency and ordered our credit report. While in the office I got a call from the rep for Aeromotor, the windmill people. He will be sending me a quote in the mail.
I am tired now so will post this if it doesn’t freeze up again and relax a bit, probably study farm stuff again. Cathy said there are some courses I can take via the internet. Probably a good idea.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Rough day.
7/23/06 Sunday
4:05 – Not doing good at all right now. I was up till two this morning going through the boxes of stuff we brought back from the farm. There were pictures going back to the fifties including some of my brother and I as kids. There were also notebooks where Lee recorded all of her financial doings. They also went back a ways. The oldest is dated 1959. These records are quite revealing and it will take a while for me to process this. I found a check for a hundred dollars made out to me that my brother had forged my signature and cashed in Kansas City, Missouri. Not good.
There was much that raised both memories and emotions. I finally went to bed at 2:00 but had a hard time sleeping despite being exhausted. Had a dream about Larry that was probably related to what I found. Finally woke up about 7:00 and Cherie, hearing me stir, brought me a strong cup of coffee. Needed that.
She had been going through much of the stuff I had found including what I threw in the garbage because it is so interesting. Many of the pictures were a window into both my past but Lee’s as well. I will scan some to put on the blog later. I had a physical slow down earlier. Some of my slow downs affect how well I can think but some effect my body. I suppose that is because the portion of the brain that controls my muscles is acting up. I laid down and turned on the TV but kept drifting in and out of sleep.
Cherie went to her parents to do some laundry and I had a resurgence of energy. I just spent allot of time organizing and filing the things I found. There were titles to the bus and pick up Lee had bought for my mom as well as oil leases and documents relating to the farm. I also found mother’s death certificate as well as my grandfather Rudy’s.
I just tried to go online and this laptop froze up. Windows Defender said it had to shut it down to protect it. This is not good so I will be forced to take it into the shop. Will have to wait till I get some money in. My pension check arrives on the first, which is Monday a week from now. Hope this thing doesn’t take a crap before I can get it in. It’s something I picked up while using the wireless at the hotel in Midland. Was there two weeks so who knows what happened.
I am in the middle of a second slow down. It is physical like the first because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to write all of this. It had started just when I started today’s entry. I am afraid to go back online because this seems to trigger whatever this laptop has. Will give it a shot to attempt to post this.
----------------------------
Ran every thing I could for the virus or whatever it is. Only found cookies. Even the Microsoft site found nothing. Had a headache for a while but it isn’t a migraine so that’s good. Cherie fell asleep twice. She doesn’t understand why she is so tired. It is muggy out and this apartment, being on the top floor with the sun beating down on the roof is fairly warm. There is yelling outside so we look out to see if it is a fight. Just some guy calling a girl “Bitch” and stuff. I am sure that one of the cars with the monster bass will be driving by before long. Sometimes it is the drug man and the bass that literally vibrates through our brick walls, rattling things on the nightstand, serves as his door knock so his clients know he is there and come out for their dope. Can’t wait to move to Texas. The noise of the oil trucks rolling down the highway in front of the house is quiet in comparison and don’t usually come by late at night. I didn’t get much research done for the farm today. Perhaps tomorrow after I take Fred to the barber. I am sure he will want to go to the dollar store after.
4:05 – Not doing good at all right now. I was up till two this morning going through the boxes of stuff we brought back from the farm. There were pictures going back to the fifties including some of my brother and I as kids. There were also notebooks where Lee recorded all of her financial doings. They also went back a ways. The oldest is dated 1959. These records are quite revealing and it will take a while for me to process this. I found a check for a hundred dollars made out to me that my brother had forged my signature and cashed in Kansas City, Missouri. Not good.
There was much that raised both memories and emotions. I finally went to bed at 2:00 but had a hard time sleeping despite being exhausted. Had a dream about Larry that was probably related to what I found. Finally woke up about 7:00 and Cherie, hearing me stir, brought me a strong cup of coffee. Needed that.
She had been going through much of the stuff I had found including what I threw in the garbage because it is so interesting. Many of the pictures were a window into both my past but Lee’s as well. I will scan some to put on the blog later. I had a physical slow down earlier. Some of my slow downs affect how well I can think but some effect my body. I suppose that is because the portion of the brain that controls my muscles is acting up. I laid down and turned on the TV but kept drifting in and out of sleep.
Cherie went to her parents to do some laundry and I had a resurgence of energy. I just spent allot of time organizing and filing the things I found. There were titles to the bus and pick up Lee had bought for my mom as well as oil leases and documents relating to the farm. I also found mother’s death certificate as well as my grandfather Rudy’s.
I just tried to go online and this laptop froze up. Windows Defender said it had to shut it down to protect it. This is not good so I will be forced to take it into the shop. Will have to wait till I get some money in. My pension check arrives on the first, which is Monday a week from now. Hope this thing doesn’t take a crap before I can get it in. It’s something I picked up while using the wireless at the hotel in Midland. Was there two weeks so who knows what happened.
I am in the middle of a second slow down. It is physical like the first because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to write all of this. It had started just when I started today’s entry. I am afraid to go back online because this seems to trigger whatever this laptop has. Will give it a shot to attempt to post this.
----------------------------
Ran every thing I could for the virus or whatever it is. Only found cookies. Even the Microsoft site found nothing. Had a headache for a while but it isn’t a migraine so that’s good. Cherie fell asleep twice. She doesn’t understand why she is so tired. It is muggy out and this apartment, being on the top floor with the sun beating down on the roof is fairly warm. There is yelling outside so we look out to see if it is a fight. Just some guy calling a girl “Bitch” and stuff. I am sure that one of the cars with the monster bass will be driving by before long. Sometimes it is the drug man and the bass that literally vibrates through our brick walls, rattling things on the nightstand, serves as his door knock so his clients know he is there and come out for their dope. Can’t wait to move to Texas. The noise of the oil trucks rolling down the highway in front of the house is quiet in comparison and don’t usually come by late at night. I didn’t get much research done for the farm today. Perhaps tomorrow after I take Fred to the barber. I am sure he will want to go to the dollar store after.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Turning a corner. New chapter in our life.
7/22/06 SaturdayIt is 5:00 in the morning. I just woke up after having one of those strange detailed dreams that sometimes show up. It is a dream that does not fade away when I wake up but remains in my memory. Understanding that this is a way my mind processes often unresolved thoughts that are bouncing around in my subconscious I like to record it. Then I can look at it in the future just to see how it compares to my life at the time.
The dream seems to cover hours of time minute by minute. I am with people I know and am comfortable with and we are going to meet at someone’s house for a dinner. It is honor of someone but I don’t know who. We all part ways to get to this house. Someone is concerned that I may not know how to get to this place. He is with me in the car at first though I never looked over and saw him. As I drive I think I talk to him over a cell phone on walkie-talkie mode. I know to look for a highway marker that identifies the road as state highway 12. Sure enough it is hard to find but sure of myself I make turns on the back country roads I am on. I find it and make the turn. The house is a half mile down the road that ends there. I pull over to change my pants into something more appropriate and do so nervously for fear that if someone from the house saw me they would think ill of it.
Coming into the home I am welcomed and shown to my seat. It is in the middle of a long row of tables along the wall and is on the wall side. Instead of going around and making everyone I must pass scoot up or move to let me pass I leap over the table to my seat. There is no chair but I good naturedly sit on the floor. My eyes are at the level of the table and I have fun with this and everyone likes the humor of seeing me peering over the table top. The leader of this group laughingly instructs someone to fetch me a chair. This done I am welcomed to the group. They are celebrating the life of someone who had recently passed.
Volunteers are requested to clean out this person’s belongings from the warehouse he worked in. I go with them because it is the same place I had my two companies at so was very familiar with it. The management of the building kept an eye on me because of their mistrust. I understand this because it is a result of my actions years ago.
As we start this job we see that we need to dismantle and remove a large boiler type unit. I see many of the desks and woodworking projects that I had left behind years ago when things went bad. There is a desk there that had been stripped in preparation for refinishing. It is a wonderful ornate desk that is as good as they come. It has a matching chair with it as well. I ask the guys if they would be willing to help me move it onto my trailer so I can finish the job.
I go to fetch my car. It is a Cadillac much like the one Fred had. Getting to the front of the building requires that I scale down the side of the building from the third floor we were on. I recognize the building as my old high school when I finally reach the street in front of it. Getting to the car I see a tow truck driver just lifting it up with his truck. He tells me I am lucky and sets it back down. I see that the rear tire has been stolen. The front tire is worn and bald, obviously not safe. As I grouse about the boldness of thieves in the city to steal the tire right in front of the school the tow truck driver tells me he will go and get me a new tire. I look in my wallet and see there is not enough money to pay so I realize I will have to borrow it.
Now I am making my way back to where the desks and the dead guys property are. I must travel a convoluted route that is known to me from the years I had spent in the building. Finding a hidden door I go through but must prevent students from entering it after me. I get to the desk, which my friends have now carried outside. The manager of the building is there and on his phone. He tells me that I now can’t have the desk because one of the tenants decided they would take it. I am not as upset as you would think, understanding that this is a price I pay for my past behavior. I ask nicely if there was anyway I could get this desk so he gets back on the phone. He is strangely cordial to my surprise. I expected a different attitude because of how I had acted years ago. After talking to the fellow who wants the desk he tells me that he still wants it so I was out of luck. I understand and that’s the end.
I woke up at this moment alert so got up, put on a pot of coffee, then turned on this laptop. I was amazed when I went online to find fourteen responses to the post I made on the Homesteader Forum. Just blew me away. I suppose that after all I have been through the last six years I am not used to acceptance. Not only because of my slide into madness where I isolated from the world prior to the accident, wandering homeless after I woke from the coma, but the rejection of the church last year that hurt us both so deeply. It is good not to be alone.
As I was writing this I heard Cherie’s voice crying out in consternation. At first I thought she was having a bad bad dream so rushed to wake her and assure her. She wasn’t having a dream but a Charlie horse cramp in her leg that was excruciatingly painful. I massaged her leg to help it relax. She is up now and got some coffee. Just stubbed her toe on the Victrola records we had recovered from the farm so she decided to go back to bed. This is her day off from work so it is good for her to relax. I don’t know what we will do today. Perhaps I can get the computer over to Denise and install it. That is the third and probably last computer I have the privilege of giving away. Perhaps I will get one for Allen but am unsure if he would want it. Jeff has two more he is willing to donate but I will be responsible and only give them to those who have a use and will appreciate them. Allen’s paranoia may be such that he will fear going online because it will open his life for examination, perhaps by the government. I tried to call him again yesterday but got no reply from the message I left. I also need to call Eileen and see how she is doing.
The back is in pain again. I am sitting with it ramrod straight to lessen it but still migrate into the slouch that exacerbates the pain. Think I will give it a break, post this, and go lay down next to my lovely wife. In thinking about the response from the Homesteader I am wondering if it would be good to direct them to the “What happened” entry that explains things. It reveals some of the unpleasant parts of that time and part of me fears it will alienate me. Nah, I will live by my philosophy of complete honesty. If it bothers someone that is their problem. I was how I was, and I am now who I am, I think a much better person.
If any of Y’all (I can say that cause I’m moving to Texas) wish to read about that just type in “What happened” to the search engine at the top of the blog. Time to give the back a rest.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Turning desert into Oasis
This is a skeleton of what I envision for the farm. It is an initial plan that will be revised, probably extensively, as I research and learn. If I can pull this off with my brain damage it will be too cool. Hey, reach for the stars. If you don't get there at least you go farther than if you didn't reach at all.Business plan – Farm
While most of the land is tied up in the CRP program there is still a portion that we can use immediately. However there is much to do in preparation for the time the rest of the land becomes available. In 2008 we will pull five acres out of the CRP program. The remaining seventy acres will be available in 2011. Here are the preliminary steps needed to get started.
1. Get a well drilled and install a wind powered pump with a good sized cistern or holding tank. This will be used for gravity feed and powered irrigation systems. The use of wind power is a long term investment that will allow us to reduce the cost of obtaining the water that is vital to the success of the farm. We will also incorporate rainwater harvesting to gather as much of this precious substance as possible.
2. Run the pipe needed for the drip feed irrigation to the small portion of land that is immediately available.
3. Determine and purchase the equipment needed to operate the farm such as a tractor, canning, nut cracker.
4. Install wind electric generator to provide low cost power for the farm thus reducing overhead.
5. Build an outbuilding to house and repair equipment as well as providing facilities for canning and processing of produce.
6. Build composting bins to provide a continual source of soil enrichment and to recycle waste.
7. Renovate the farm house. This will provide office space for the administration of the farm. It will include the digging of a cellar for storage of root crops and to contain the battery banks required for the power generation. The house will also be used for the initial canning operations so the kitchen area will be designed with that in mind. The house requires plumbing, wiring, insulation, roof repair, siding, and a septic system.
8. Build chicken coop to house the poultry.
9. Map out and fence areas that will be used to grow fruits and vegetables. This will inhibit access to these areas to rabbits and other critters that like to eat my stuff.
10. Plant rows of evergreens that will provide wind breaks and protect the orchards and crops. These will require irrigation.
11. Plant trees that will be the first part of the orchard. What these trees will be is yet to be determined.
12. Go to school to learn about farming.
13. Plant the vegetable garden. This will contain a wide range of products that will include root crops, tomatoes, peppers, and whatever else strikes our fancy.
14. Build a greenhouse to provide a year round source of fresh herbs, spices, and vegetables.
15. Build a smokehouse to process poultry as well as other products such as ham and beef to be packaged for sale.
16. Investigate opening a facility to sell products directly to the public.
17. Get certified as an Organic farm.
18. Locate and purchase equipment for shelling pecans. This will not only process what we grow but provide a needed service for the area farms that currently produce pecans.
19. Take a long nap. This will take up the two years prior to the release of five acres so I will be dog tired by then.
20. Start farming after buying Bib Overalls.
I went online to explore farm stuff. I Googled “Homesteader” and came up with a site that seems to have an active group of like minded folks. Registered myself and succeeded in getting on their forum thing. This was difficult for me and has been with other sites where I never successfully got on board. It’s some kind of glitch with the brain damage. Anyway I ventured out with an introductory “This is who I am” thing. I am surprised at getting a response. Called Cherie in and it tickled her too. There were two visitors to the blog and four “welcomes” on the forum thing. It will be nice to develop relationships related to this new life we are heading for. It will also be nice to leave behind the crap in the city. Kinda leaving one world and entering another.
I have a migraine working it’s way up. It’s 10:30 and I am wide awake but getting mentally fatigued.
Another muggy day
7/21/06 Friday12:36 – It’s another muggy day. I resisted turning on the air till about 11:00. Just made a batch of guacamole after washing the dishes. Went through the fridge searching out anything that had mold on it or was in any way suspect age wise. Having been gone to Texas for a couple of weeks that was advisable. I suppose I better take the trash out now cause it will not take long to stink.
Called Wayne up to check on him. He apologized for getting all goofy the other day about the Social Security letter. I didn’t tell him what the lawyer said because that’s the last thing he needs. Trying to keep him positive and hopeful. He said he was enjoying the computer. All he does is play games but at least that keeps him from setting around worrying. Later on, when we get some money, I will get him hooked up to the internet.
Money is pretty tight right now. Our trip to Texas cost somewhere around $3000. That includes the things we bought to clean the place up such as a rinse and vac and things like turning on the electric and renting the dumpster. Gas by itself was $600 or so and two weeks of hotel room doesn’t come cheap. We’ve got lots of careful planning to do for our final move.
Fred just called. This is the first time since we got back he has asked for me to drive him somewhere. I’ll take him to the barber on Monday but will encourage him to use Ritchie and others as he did while we were gone. I called him yesterday as I was heading out to get some groceries and asked if he needed anything. He said he could use a loaf of bread.
Right now I am going to start on a business plan for the farm. This will help Cathy in her research for us. That’s all for now.
--------------------------
Just got done with the skeleton of the business plan. Posted it on the blog to see what kind of response I get. Sent it to Cathy for her feedback. My back is killing me from sitting at this computer. Got to lay down. It is strange how sitting hurts much more than all the work I did at the farm.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Rough day for us both
7/20/06 ThursdayThis seems to be a rough day. Don’t know if I am fighting something off but I am tired and physically weak. Everything is an effort. Cherie is struggling too. This computer is again giving me fits. The last time this happened I had downloaded the new version of Spysweeper that had come up on the screen. When I did the system restore thing it worked but today I got another notification of a new update for spysweeper. It took an hour to download and now the computer is running slow and again my Ad Aware spyware won’t run. When I brought up the task manager it showed CPU usage at 100%. When we were in Texas there were 4 trojans and 8 viruses that Spysweeper did not detect. As I typed this a screen notified me that Windows Defender detected an error. I have spent three hours trying to figure this out.
Just sent a report to Spysweeper
------------------------
I went to Microsoft’s website and found a spyware program they recommended called Search and Destroy so downloaded it. That makes four programs I have. Spy Sweeper is the only one I paid for as the others are all free. They responded to my report with some suggestions like run their sweep three times back to back. One of the things that showed up with Microsoft was a nasty Trojan that had embedded itself. It somehow told Windows Defender (Oh! I have five anti spyware programs) to ignore it. I think it was the original problem that showed back up. Hope I got it.
I called Wayne’s attorney in Kentucky, Sally Edwards, and she didn’t have much positive to say. She told me that Toledo and Cleveland are the worst places in Ohio, which is one of the worst states, for getting Social Security disability. She knows people who are losing their houses while waiting to get approved. It seems that congress cut so much money from this part of the budget that there are not enough judges to keep up. It takes over three years now. That is sad. She suggested I call our congresswoman, Marcy Kaptur, about it. It won’t help Wayne now but may help others in the future if she can get congress to provide the funds needed. It is a shame that those who are in the worst shape get the least help from our government while billions are squandered as corruption sucks all the money it can get. Welcome to America.
Not much else to say now. I E mailed my two boys and sent some pictures of the farm. Didn’t get much done. The measurements we took of the farm house are wrong and I can’t quite travel 2000 miles to redo them so I will try to hobble it together from the pictures I took of the house.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Good morning world
7/19/06 WednesdayGood morning world. Cherie had a hard time waking up this morning. Our body clocks are still on Texas time so it’s harder to go to sleep as early as we need and to also get moving in the morning. There is much to tell so I will see if I can recall most of it. I am running an 8 or 9 on the Bob scale this morning. Hope it stays that way.
In my opinion one of the most significant events of yesterday was Cherie’s youngest sister, Cathy, coming over to our apartment. I don’t recall ever talking with her as much as we did, not even when Cherie and I were married the first time 25 years ago. I had asked her to come over so we could work on the legal issues with the city in an atmosphere that was less hectic than at her parents house. We didn’t get allot done other than her helping me understand things a little better. Mom had called Connie’s (Cherie’s oldest sister) husband, Jim, about this because he is a lawyer. While I have a small amount of experience with the law it is mostly in the criminal field so I am not up on misdemeanor court procedures. He told her that if they plead not guilty it would then go to a trial. That is good because it will give us time to get things prepared. One of the ideas I have is to get the city council involved and to also gain a media presence, which shouldn’t be too hard considering the event in question was aired on all four of the local television stations. That scrutiny will help insure things are done right and not just swept under a rug.
Mom wasn’t keen on me going to court with them this morning as it appears it will just be a short “Not guilty” plea with a date set for trial. That’s fine with me. Cathy, Cherie, and I talked for quite a while until she had to leave because it was getting close to midnight and she must get up at 5:30 or so. Getting dad and mom to court will be a journey as dad can hardly walk. The wheel chair had broke some time ago and was never replaced. Dad doesn’t like it and because of his stubborn pride he probably wouldn’t use it anyway. It is a long walk up to the courthouse steps. Hope it goes ok.
We talked about the farm. Cathy is excited about helping us figure things out and will be probably the most valuable asset we will have. I’m a city boy who doesn’t know didley about farming and she has an extensive background. Come to find out she is a grant writer among her other skills. It’s too bad we will be 2000 miles away when we move but the computer will help us work together. I intend to compensate her well (“Well” is rather relative) because I know this will take up a significant portion of her life, which is fraught with enough problems as it is. I suspect that there are many things we would not be able to do without her help. Her excitement is contagious and is encouraging me to think more on the farming possibilities. I was online studying composting just a few minutes ago. Learning about invertebrates found in the compost pile and other cool stuff. OK, now I got the bug (Pun intended) as I read about worms, nematodes, and a host of other creatures that help turn trash into plant food. Next I will learn about microbes, physics, and chemistry when it comes to a pile of organic garbage.
We only have a couple of months to get prepared for this new life and I don’t think it will be enough time. When it comes to farming I will be learning the rest of our life. The land will be tied up till 2008 when the five acres I requested will be released from the government conservation program. The remaining seventy acres will remain in the program till 2011.
Among the things that Cathy brought to our attention is that there are grants available specifically for women in agriculture. She mentioned that there are forms of cotton that are not white but colored. This can be grown organically, which is something we feel strongly about. Cherie’s passion is sewing and material so it opens up some exciting possibilities.
Cathy just called to let me know how court went. It was as expected, just a not guilty plea and a date set for pretrial. Dad’s need for a wheel chair is such that mom will call Medicare to see if they can cover it. I am going to make some calls because as a liquidator I helped some hospitals get rid of their excess wheel chairs. It’s been years and I can’t remember any of the names of who I dealt with so we will see.
I got Wayne to the doc yesterday and after that gave him a haircut. I also put the computer that Jeff donated set up for him but will need to get an extension cord. I’ll look around here to see if we have one hanging around before I go buy one. Money’s tight.
That’s it for now. Got to get moving.
---------------------------
4:00 – It feels like it has been a long day. I took the computer we had in our bedroom to Sharon. Calling her before I went over I heard about everything going on in her life. She talked a mile a minute as she usually does. Finding a space to say something I told her I would be coming over with the computer. She was outside pulling weeds along her drive when I pulled up. Sharon didn’t look good. She had told me she lost about twenty or thirty pounds but I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. The skin on her face was drawn tight around her skull and the eyes showed the stress she was in. The guy who beat her up was going before the parole board so that was eating her up with fear. Sharon has been on a campaign to keep him in prison. The stress is why she lost all the weight.
I talked to her about her fear. The guy that had beat her is an ex-con who had violated his parole several times. His criminal record is extensive and he was on parole when this happened. I explained to Sharon that the odds of his making parole were slim. She had the idea he was seeing the parole board because he had asked to. “It doesn’t work that way Sharon” I told her. “He sees the parole board based on a calendar, not because he asked to”. This came as a surprise to her for some reason the officials she was dealing with didn’t explain this. I tried to assure her and think I may have allayed some of her fear but it will come back. She is on tranquilizers and other anti psychotic medicine because of the anxiety resulting from her brain injury. Of course having gotten the injury from her ex beating her with a pipe didn’t help. She will have her son set the computer up.
After that I went to the house to see if we had an extension cord for Wayne. No such luck so I drove to Walmart and got one. I called Wayne on the way out the door to let him know I was coming over. When I got there he was up and ready. I got the computer all plugged in and turned it on. Wayne was constantly talking about how he didn’t know about computers and wasn’t sure if he wanted to get on the internet. This was because of the things he heard on the news about predators. That didn’t make any sense and I told him so. “Wayne, are you worried about someone picking you up?” I quizzed him to make the point. “You aren’t going to those chat rooms. I got you this computer for two reasons. So you can keep in touch with me and also because you can learn anything you want on the internet. It will keep you occupied” I explained.
I showed Wayne how to do some basic things and put the four games that came with it on his screen so they are easy to find. We talked for a while and I made him play a game of solitaire to get him familiar with the computer. I was wearing out so told him I needed to go.
For some reason I am incredibly tired. Just typing this I have to fight to keep my eyes open. I bought some coffee at Kroger as Cherie asked me to. I will post this and take a nap.
---------------------------
Just as I was getting to sleep my phone rang. “Who could this be” I thought as I struggled to find it in the pile of clothes next to the bed. It was Wayne. It hasn’t been an hour since I left his place. Instead of telling me what he wanted he started with “I probably called you right when you were eating dinner”. I told him no so he said “I’m probably interrupting something”. After going around this circle for a few I finally said “Wayne, what do you want?”. “I don’t know. I got a letter from Social Security. Could you come out here in a day or two?” Wayne said. “What did the letter say Wayne?” I asked with my frustration growing. “I don’t know, something about a hearing, I don’t understand it” was his reply. That set me off. Wayne may have M.S. and it does effect his memory and mind but he can read just fine.Now he is being needy and wanting me to take care of every little thing. That is something I have cut him off from before. I have told him many times he needs to take care of himself and not depend on others to do everything. I got specific about this when we knew we would be moving to Texas. If he does this he will stop fighting and just vegetate. Not a good thing. This is something I learned while studying brain injury as it is a common problem for those bedridden. I will see him tomorrow and read him the riot act again. I know he is afraid because we are leaving. That’s one of the main reasons I got him the computer. I think I need to make sure he is taking his depression medication and perhaps call his case worker at the Zeph Center.
It was a rude way to wake up. Cherie could tell I was perturbed so walked up to me with her arms wide saying “You need a hug”. What a good woman. I am blessed. She said that we have been running hard ever since we got back from Texas and needed to rest. “Let’s just stay here the rest of the day and not do anything” was her prescription for this. She fixed a great dinner and we cleaned out the ice cream. I haven’t touched the farm stuff I want to do yet because I have been running.
I think I will work on the blueprints of the farm house I am drawing up. Cathy called and asked if I could give her something on our plans to help her with the research she is doing. That I need to get on also. I am glad I don’t have to run Fred around or at least that he hasn’t asked me to. Other than seeing Wayne tomorrow I think I will concentrate on farm stuff. We also brought back boxes of stuff from my grandmother that needs to be gone through. Part of that is the notes she kept of every dime she gave out and who she gave it to. I’ve got several notebooks and scraps of paper. It is all dated so I will sort it by date. Should be interesting. There are pictures including an envelope labeled Robbie pictures. (That’s me) 
I called several hospitals to see if I could find a wheel chair for dad but had no luck. St V’s said they use the old ones for parts and the rest seem to get stolen. It is a shame I no longer have the connections I once did. I think this will be the last post for the day unless something momentous happens so night all.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Tired this morning
7/18/06 Tuesday
I checked Cherie’s car this morning but couldn’t smell any gas. Because it rained last night it was not possible to see a puddle in case gas was leaking out. I told Cherie that I thought it would be ok for her to drive it to work.
Not sure how this day will turn out. There is lots to do. Last night I hit one of those high cognizance levels where I was a sharp as I used to be. This morning I am running about a seven on the Bob scale. Tired because I was up late.
Yeah I’m tired. Just went online to check my blog and post this mornings entry. Forgot to post it. I think I will lie down for a little bit to catch up on my sleep.
------------------------
2:27 - I am at Dr. Rowan’s office now. Wayne is having greater problems with his balance. It is sad to watch him getting worse. The maintenance man was there fixing his sink when I arrived. Wayne had complained about his sink leaking when I talked to him yesterday. He also told me that he didn’t know where to pay his rent or how much. I have explained this to him before but his memory and confusion are getting worse.
I was a little late picking Wayne up because I was at Cherie’s parents house working on this legal issue. That will take a while to get done. As I tried to get a handle on everything that happened I found it hard to do. There is lots of confusion about what happened when and to who so it will be a process. I really think it will be easier if I can get Cathy out of the house to someplace where there is not as much confusion and phone calls that gets us off track. Nate had gone downtown to obtain the tickets and other documentation but wasn’t able to because he did not have his ID with him.
There is much that needs to be done for them to fix things but I am not sure just how well I can do this. I’ll try my best. This computer is still giving me problems but we don’t have the money to get it looked at till we get the check with the remaining inheritance.
Just did a restore thing with this computer. Took it to the day before we left for Texas to see if it helps free up this computer some. Not really sure of what I’m doing but that’s how you learn.
I checked Cherie’s car this morning but couldn’t smell any gas. Because it rained last night it was not possible to see a puddle in case gas was leaking out. I told Cherie that I thought it would be ok for her to drive it to work.
Not sure how this day will turn out. There is lots to do. Last night I hit one of those high cognizance levels where I was a sharp as I used to be. This morning I am running about a seven on the Bob scale. Tired because I was up late.
Yeah I’m tired. Just went online to check my blog and post this mornings entry. Forgot to post it. I think I will lie down for a little bit to catch up on my sleep.
------------------------
2:27 - I am at Dr. Rowan’s office now. Wayne is having greater problems with his balance. It is sad to watch him getting worse. The maintenance man was there fixing his sink when I arrived. Wayne had complained about his sink leaking when I talked to him yesterday. He also told me that he didn’t know where to pay his rent or how much. I have explained this to him before but his memory and confusion are getting worse.
I was a little late picking Wayne up because I was at Cherie’s parents house working on this legal issue. That will take a while to get done. As I tried to get a handle on everything that happened I found it hard to do. There is lots of confusion about what happened when and to who so it will be a process. I really think it will be easier if I can get Cathy out of the house to someplace where there is not as much confusion and phone calls that gets us off track. Nate had gone downtown to obtain the tickets and other documentation but wasn’t able to because he did not have his ID with him.
There is much that needs to be done for them to fix things but I am not sure just how well I can do this. I’ll try my best. This computer is still giving me problems but we don’t have the money to get it looked at till we get the check with the remaining inheritance.
Just did a restore thing with this computer. Took it to the day before we left for Texas to see if it helps free up this computer some. Not really sure of what I’m doing but that’s how you learn.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Back in the city
7/18/06 MondayNow it’s catch up time. Cherie made a list of things I need to get done, the first is to go to the bank and make sure our expenses are covered. This trip pretty much broke us. Nothing like being land rich and cash poor. We will have to be real careful with our money now. There is much to get done for our move to Texas. Planning and getting quotes for the improvements so we have a package to show the bank when we go for the loan. I just got off the phone with the lady who’s daughter wishes to purchase the property. Her daughter was one of the home health aids that took care of my grandmother so was familiar with the house. I let her know we plan on making that our home so wouldn’t sell.
I also called Linda at Gerdinich Realty regarding the letter we received about pet smells. She had already determined that this is coming from Mia’s apartment and had talked to her. While I was on the phone with her I thanked her for expediting Wayne’s move. I will call Wayne in a few minutes to see how he is doing. I will also take the computer over that Jeff had donated for that purpose. Sometime I need to get the other one to Denise. There is much to do so I best hit the shower and get moving. I’ll have to grab breakfast on the run as there is nothing in the fridge that is still good. Shopping is on the list Cherie made for me.
----------------------------
I went over to the Distillery. Joy, the barmaid I carved a piece for, was there. She asked how my wife was and I told her she is as beautiful as ever. Joy was one of those I met when Cherie and I first got back together. I would walk over to the bar just to be around people while Cherie was at work. Of course I had told her about being in a coma and meeting Cherie like I told everyone. I told her about the farm in Texas and how we were looking forward to moving there.
There was a guy sitting next to me and in the course of conversation he told me he was a landscaper. “Do you know anyone who has a trailer for sale?” I asked him because all landscapers seem to have trailers. He told me of a couple places where he had seen trailers for sale and also of a business that often had some also. I’m going out there now.
I called Fred earlier to let him know we were back and see how he is doing. Ritchie and Cathy, who lives next door, have been getting him around. Barb goes into the hospital today for her hysterectomy. Fred also mentioned that he thought Cherie’s car had a gas leak because there was a big puddle under it while we were gone. Not good. I called Cherie and when she came home for lunch drove her back to work so I could look at her car. It wasn’t gas. They had serious rains out here while we were gone and it had leaked into her trunk. This filled up a section and the water was leaking out, leaving a spot under where the gas tank is. That is a relief.
-----------------------
We just got back from a visit with Cherie’s parents and the rest of the gang there. It went well for which I am glad. Haven’t been going over there much for quite a while now because of the tensions caused by my writing about some of the things that were happening there. That seems to have eased up now.
I went over there for two reasons. One was to ask Cathy, Cherie’s sister, if she would act as a consultant for us. She has a degree in Agribusiness. That and the years she worked in the agricultural industry means she is much more familiar with farm stuff than I am. Of course I don’t have a clue about farming so it doesn’t take much to know more than me. Wading through all the state and federal programs and incentives is something I can’t do well. Short term memory problems make it hard for me to read a book because I have to start from the beginning all the time cause I forgot it. Learning what the Department of Agriculture offers is even harder. She is not just happy but seemed thrilled to help us here. It is nice to have family pitching in to help our dreams come about. I’m not used to this as my family isn’t real close. My sister is the one who talks with me.
The other reason I went over was to see if I can be of use with their legal problems with the city. I have extensive experience with the legal system, both from the many times I have been in front of a judge and the years I spent doing legal research for inmates while in prison. The more I found out about what had happened a few weeks ago (You can go back in this journal and read about it) the more I saw that they have been seriously mistreated. I won’t go into detail right now but when all is said and done it will be juicy. I love to fight injustice and this time I will be taking on city hall. Stay tuned for more. Never fear, UnderBob is here.
All in all it was a real good visit and I think helped open things up with the family. Nate and Jeremy are in the repossession business now. It’s the kind of thing I like because of the element of danger. I always liked an edge in my life though it was sometimes achieved by being on the wrong side of the law. Don’t worry, that part of my life is long gone. Been shot at and stabbed. Too old for that crap now and probably a bit smarter also. Having a gun put to your head does make the adrenalin flow. That will be in one of the books I’m writing.
I will take Wayne to see the doctor tomorrow. He called me today. After telling me about how his case worker with the housing authority didn’t even know he had moved he said “I just called to have someone to talk to”. I understand being alone very well so this wrenched my heart a little. That is one of the reasons I am giving him a computer and paying for a year of internet access. That way he can talk to me when we move to Texas and also find others to communicate with.
It is midnight now. I am wide awake of course but need to get some sleep. We filled up Cherie’s car and smell gas so it seems she does have a gas leak. The tank was about empty when I looked at it earlier. I suppose I will have to take her to work in the morning. It will be a busy day. I am going to meet with Cathy in the morning to help her put together the legal stuff for when her parents go to court. Then Wayne to the doctor so won’t get to Cherie’s car till later. Night all.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
On the way back
7/16/06 SundaySunday morning. We are in Rolla, Missouri. Drove till one in the morning and only quit when we were both so tired it was pretty much necessary. I didn’t want to leave the farm yesterday. Instead I took a ton of pictures. We want to hit the road quickly this morning so we can get to our Toledo home, perhaps while it is still daylight. The weather station tells us that the midwest is in a heat wave with temperatures in the Toledo area reaching 98 or so. Great. We will get to experience the difference humidity makes first hand. Triple digit temperatures in Texas and now ninety eight in Toledo. I will fill in the details of our journey after that so here are some pictures for now.
The Napoleon of the farm. I will conquer.
More wildlife. This one is small, only six inches. Saw one that was a foot long. We got to go.------------------------
9:40 PM – We are back in Toledo. It was a long long drive. After eleven hours in the drivers seat I was getting pretty rank. Then we get to this apartment building and were hit in the face with the smell of cat urine and crap that has been permeating this place for weeks now. I am certain it is Mia’s cat downstairs. This is nothing new. She doesn’t take care of this very well, in fact she buried one of her cats last year out under a tree near the parking lot. Don’t know for sure, just saw her digging a hole and never saw her white cat in the window again. In the big batch of mail that has collected over the last two weeks was a notice from our landlord. It said there has been a pet odor in the building and that a $150 deposit would be required if we had a pet. Great, just what we need. We will be glad to be out of here when we move to Texas. The smell of the city will not be missed.
Carman kitty is going nuts, demanding pets, meowing, letting us know he missed us. We are exhausted. I want to go to bed but Cherie is obsessing about all the mail and anything else she feels can’t wait. I tried to get her to just relax but that won’t happen. There is much we will need to deal with over the next couple of months in preparation for our move. There is another offer to purchase the land and also the house in the mail but no price. Don’t care about a price, it is not for sale. I suppose for a million bucks but that won’t happen.
I don’t think Cherie will be settling down tonight. She is going a mile a minute. I may have to take this laptop in to the shop because it is still acting funny. There is too much to sort out right now so I will try to get Cherie to settle so we can try to get some sleep.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Last day here
7/14/06 Friday
It’s 4:16 and I am just now making my first entry in this journal. We got out to the farm at around 9:00. Chuck got there at 9:30. Because we wanted to get moving before it got too hot we had not stopped for breakfast. Yesterday we only ate one meal though it was a great one. Not good. Chuck and I went to work immediately, starting by getting the last of the furniture out of the house. We hauled that to his place as we have everything else. This is on his mothers land, part of which he will inherit. There is hundreds of acres out here, much of it undeveloped. The couch and chair went into the house and will eventually become a part of their home. Cherie and I are glad to find a home for this stuff versus just throwing it away. We donated lots of stuff to Salvation Army but it was what we could fit in the back of our truck. Chuck’s trailer isn’t licensed so I didn’t want to take it into Midland.
After that Chuck and I rolled up the big pieces of carpet and laid out the smaller pieces over the weeds by the bus. That will keep them from growing any more. I guess you could say we carpeted our yard. It didn’t take long to fill the dumpster. We could fill another one but don’t have time. We will head back to Ohio tomorrow morning. By noon I was getting weak and dizzy, I think from the lack of food. Chuck helped me put the plywood back on the front door and I sent him home after thanking him for the help. I know they are living on the edge so paid him extra telling him it was a dumping fee for what we took to his place.
Cherie and I went to the Sonic Drive in for something to eat. They got it wrong again and I doubt I will go there anymore. We took the food back to the house and finished it off. I was still not doing well so we came back to the hotel so I could get some rest. This laptop had picked up four Trojans and seven viruses over the last few days. I suspect it is from using the Day’s Inn wireless as it is unsecured. This was driving me nuts and I had to go online to Microsoft to get a malicious spyware removal program to get them off. Took a couple of hours but I think I did it. We will see later.
We are going to eat at the Olive Garden and then run back out to the farm. There we will load up the tools and secure the place in preparation for our return to Ohio. I’m going to put a tarp over the furniture we are keeping and will set off the bug bombs to fumigate the place as we leave. After a good nights rest we will hit the road in the morning. Cherie just came in with the clothes she washed so I have something to wear so it’s time to chow.
Just got back from securing the farm. Got everything locked down after setting off the bug foggers. We are exhausted. Otherwise I would write more. Here are some pictures. Good night folks.
It’s 4:16 and I am just now making my first entry in this journal. We got out to the farm at around 9:00. Chuck got there at 9:30. Because we wanted to get moving before it got too hot we had not stopped for breakfast. Yesterday we only ate one meal though it was a great one. Not good. Chuck and I went to work immediately, starting by getting the last of the furniture out of the house. We hauled that to his place as we have everything else. This is on his mothers land, part of which he will inherit. There is hundreds of acres out here, much of it undeveloped. The couch and chair went into the house and will eventually become a part of their home. Cherie and I are glad to find a home for this stuff versus just throwing it away. We donated lots of stuff to Salvation Army but it was what we could fit in the back of our truck. Chuck’s trailer isn’t licensed so I didn’t want to take it into Midland.
After that Chuck and I rolled up the big pieces of carpet and laid out the smaller pieces over the weeds by the bus. That will keep them from growing any more. I guess you could say we carpeted our yard. It didn’t take long to fill the dumpster. We could fill another one but don’t have time. We will head back to Ohio tomorrow morning. By noon I was getting weak and dizzy, I think from the lack of food. Chuck helped me put the plywood back on the front door and I sent him home after thanking him for the help. I know they are living on the edge so paid him extra telling him it was a dumping fee for what we took to his place.
Cherie and I went to the Sonic Drive in for something to eat. They got it wrong again and I doubt I will go there anymore. We took the food back to the house and finished it off. I was still not doing well so we came back to the hotel so I could get some rest. This laptop had picked up four Trojans and seven viruses over the last few days. I suspect it is from using the Day’s Inn wireless as it is unsecured. This was driving me nuts and I had to go online to Microsoft to get a malicious spyware removal program to get them off. Took a couple of hours but I think I did it. We will see later. We are going to eat at the Olive Garden and then run back out to the farm. There we will load up the tools and secure the place in preparation for our return to Ohio. I’m going to put a tarp over the furniture we are keeping and will set off the bug bombs to fumigate the place as we leave. After a good nights rest we will hit the road in the morning. Cherie just came in with the clothes she washed so I have something to wear so it’s time to chow.
Just got back from securing the farm. Got everything locked down after setting off the bug foggers. We are exhausted. Otherwise I would write more. Here are some pictures. Good night folks.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
It's getting hotter
7/13/06 ThursdayThat’s as far as I got yesterday. We both ended up taking a nap and woke up at 2:45. Then it was a rush to get to Stanton. We went first to Jim McGillivray’s office. He is a soft spoken man who was cordial. His secretary, Vicki, had the Deed to the farm and also the mineral rights already out for us to pick up. During our conversation they commented on Larry’s behavior. One of the things said was that these times bring out the worst in some as greed takes over. They were aware of Larry’s behavior regarding our mother’s estate and that the $3000 I required from Larry was something we had previously agreed on in writing. Here he is receiving nearly $100,000 and trying to hang on to the three grand he had promised to pay for what he basically stole. We also discussed how he had taken advantage of Lee many times. The lawn mower he had talked Lee into buying is long gone though the grass catcher is still in the garage. Troy had told me a year or so ago that Larry had tried to get her to buy a $2000 mower. We have lots of receipts and checks she wrote including one where she bailed him out of jail. I am curious about that one. I love my brother but stealing from family is about as low as someone can get. Patrick had expressed sadness when we talked to him that morning and said he hoped we could repair our rift. I do to but still expect him to do basic things like keep his word.
We went to the USDA Farm Services Administration to give them a copy of the deed they need. Nester was on vacation but the receptionist made copies of the deed and also made note that we wished to pull five acres out of the CRP program. Done with that we drove around looking at properties for rent. When we move down here we will have to get a place while we make the house habitable. That may take several months.
Cherie was having a menopause moment yesterday. This emotional roller coaster caused by the hormonal imbalance is tough on her. She was homesick and depressed. She is much better this morning.
It is going to got up to 105 degrees today. We will knock off early
--------------------------
10:06 – It has been a long hot day. Chuck came over at ten this morning with his trailer. It is a small trailer made from the rear of a 60’s pick up truck. I was going to take the stuff to the landfill but Chuck said he could use some of it so we took the first load to his place. That was two of the refrigerators and one of the gas stoves. Going over there let me know how blessed we are. This was his grandfathers place where he had spent much of his childhood. As we drove up the winding dirt path I first saw a mobile home that appeared to be abandoned. There was another mobile home about fifty yards away that also was in rough shape with some windows out. Going around a corner there appeared some buildings that were in rough shape. The Texas wind had long ago ripped of siding and sections of the metal roof off. When you see steel panels bent like paper you had crumpled up in your hand you get an idea of how powerful the wind can be out here. There were trees that had long since died from the heat, several uprooted by the wind.
Chuck told me of the bobcat he sees out there. When he unlocked the door of the barn I could see feathers and other evidence of the barn owl that lived in it. Only about 60% of the roof still remained with the rest just gaping holes. There were three buildings here and one of them is the house they are being given by his mother. The house is in about the same shape as the other buildings with the ceiling caving in. They have more work than we do to get it habitable.
Chuck and his wife, Lillian, just had a baby a few months ago. They named it Miracle because she wasn’t supposed to be able to have a baby. They moved down here about three months ago from Missouri. They too are starting life over again from scratch. It is a hard thing for them of course, partly because there is little income. Chuck does odd jobs and works at a cemetery when they have jobs for him.
We gave them the china cabinet and matching hutch or whatever you call it. In fact I told them they can have anything we were getting rid of. It got hot quick. Chuck and I made five trips with his trailer and still have a couple more to do tomorrow. Instead of taking stuff down to the landfill Chuck had us take it to his place. It is already got tons of whatnot that has gathered there over the decades. Lots of farm stuff and old cars. Cherie was working hard while we were hauling stuff. About 2:00 I called it a day as Cherie was definitely wearing out.
We went to the hotel and cleaned up. There was so much dust we had to brush our teeth. Not pleasant but part of the picture. I took her out to dinner at a place called the Roadhouse. It was great and I think we will go back when we move down here. Then we went to see Pirates of the Caribbean. Fun movie. I can see why it has been getting such good reviews.
We will try to get out to the farm by 8:00 tomorrow so we can get stuff done before it is too hot. Cherie is asleep now and I think I should join her so good night.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Another day in Texas
7/12/06 WednesdayIt will be another hot day, somewhere around 103 degrees. Cherie checked our Toledo bank accounts and caught a problem. She will have to call up there and talk to our banker to figure this out. I know that when we reserved our hotel room the money is put on hold or something like that. Somehow the savings account was tapped into because we were twenty one dollars short. We’ll figure it out later. This morning we meet with Patrick Duffy and hopefully the remaining seven or eight thousand from the inheritance will be released. This journey to Texas has been expensive.
I am only running at a five on the Bob scale. Yesterday was rough so perhaps this is just a residual thing. I know that stress triggers my slow downs but was fine the first week here. Who knows, I sure don’t. Just took some aspirin. I forgot to take my seizure pill last night so that’s not good.
-------------------------
We just got back from our meeting with Mr. Duffy. I knew I would like him. He was talking to Jim McGilvray when we made it to his office. I was still pretty slow when we first sat down. Patrick had gotten the ball rolling for us to receive the rest of the money from the checking account and had also convinced Jim that $5000 was a little much to hold back pending unforeseen debts.
When we got done discussing that we brought up the life insurance policy Lee had through Civil Service. It looks like there are two different things here. One was a retirement and the other life insurance. We left that in his hands as I haven’t seemed to be able to follow up on this and was a bit confused.
From there we talked about the farm and getting a loan to improve the property. There Patrick gave us some invaluable advice. His dad was a banker and his brother continued in that tradition. I can’t remember all of what he said but Cherie will be able to recall some of it. Patrick outlined the best way to approach a bank, explaining what and what not to say. He also explained different sorts of loan strategies.
In the course of the conversation we were surprised to learn he was familiar with the Bible college Cherie and I met at. He is even on their mailing list. This kind of changed the tone of the conversation as he became more relaxed about what he said. The language of this branch of Christianity is one we are familiar with. Kind of like a dialect. While this is not a part of my life now it is still a language I speak well.
As we talked I cleared up as I often do. This allowed him to see first hand what I go through. I feel this is good as it helps folks understand a little more. When they don’t have an understanding it leads to them making the wrong conclusion about why I act certain ways. It is not unusual for folks to think that someone with my level of brain injury is on drugs or drinking because of what they observe.
We went to Denny’s after all this. Ordered a breakfast plate that was twice the size I thought it was. So did Cherie. We were both surprised when it came out and neither of us finished the whole thing. Then we came back to our room where we have made some phone calls and Cherie called the bank in Toledo to get that straightened out. I am tired as I always am after a slow down. Probably should take a short nap.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Going to be hot
7/11/06 TuesdayI just checked my calendar and saw to my dismay that today is Bruce’s birthday. Damn. All I can do now is send him an E mail. I keep forgetting these times. Forgot Adam’s birthday last year also.
The weather report says it will be 100 degrees today and 102 for Wednesday and Thursday. We are getting out of here early to beat the heat. Yesterday the heat drained us. I think we will rent a trailer to haul the appliances and furniture away. Some of it we will donate to Salvation Army. Not sure what else will go on today, should hear from the attorney. Got to get moving so we can get out of here while it is under ninety degrees.
Here's a picture of the oil well Byron11:50 – I am not doing real good. Running a 3 on the Bob scale. This slow down is a physical one on top of the brain not processing well. I have to be careful so I don’t trip or fall down. Have a headache an top of that. I think that these slow downs were why my brother would accuse me of using drugs. I used to beg him to look at some of the websites on brain injury I would find while I was in St Louis so he would understand. He never did, confident in his ignorance, having a predisposition that put me in the negative no matter what. He chose not to understand.
On our way out here we passed a small tractor that was for sale in a front yard along the highway. Pulling in we called the number on the sign. The guy came out of his house and we talked about it. He wants $3900 for it. I don’t have a clue if that is good or not. As we talked it came out that he too had a traumatic brain injury. He said he could forget who he was talking to if there were two or more people there. Got to go help Cherie now. Just took a break to write this. Oh, by the way, the fogger seems to have hit the bees hard as there are only a few around now. I stuffed the hole with a rag.
1:20 – Well my voice has cleared up, a good sign that this brain is clearing up. Unfortunately the body is not doing as well. If I were to close my eyes I would fall over because of the loss of balance I have at these times. It is so frustrating for me. I have little energy and my stomach is not real settled. I would prefer to not use this throne out here in the garage but don’t have a choice. I think this is from the food we ate at the Jumborrito place yesterday. It didn’t set well with Cherie either. 
We got the rest of the carpet pulled up in the living room. Cherie did lots of the work as I wasn’t doing well. Both of us were exhausted by 2:00. It wasn’t hard to decide to call it a day. We came back to the hotel room and cleaned up. After we drove to the mall Cherie had seen from the highway. Cherie was looking forward to getting acquainted with what Midland has to offer shopping wise. This is one of her joys. 
She doesn’t have to buy anything, just looking is a form of relaxation for her. She enjoyed looking at clothes and I went to Sears and enjoyed looking at the woodworking tools, fantasizing about the woodshop I wish to build. It was a good time for us both. I was clearing up pretty good by then. After that we drove around and found a nice restaurant. They have been hard for us to find as we are not at all familiar with this city. That is slowly changing.
We will meet with our attorney, Patrick Duffy, tomorrow. Hopefully things will get wrapped up regarding the estate. Let you know how that goes. This was a rough day for me. I hate getting slapped in the face by this thing they call a disability. Tomorrow will be better. Here's a picture of the baby birds we have by the kitchen door. Don't know what kind of birds they are but they make their nest with mud. I like different.
Monday, July 10, 2006
A good way to start the day
7/10/06 MondayI woke up refreshed this morning and sharp. Actually woke up before Cherie. We set the alarm for 6:00 but it didn’t go off. This will be a busy day as the weekend is over so business’s we need to deal with are open. One of the first things is to get the well working. Hard to clean without water. I want to talk with Patrick Duffy, our attorney. Among other things is the insurance Lee had with Civil Service. We will stop at M&M disposal to pay for another emptying of our dumpster.
I asked Peggy Creech yesterday if she knew anyone who would like to work. She said she would ask around and give us a call. Hope she finds someone. The temperatures will be 99 to 100 degrees all week. That will spur us to get up and working early to avoid some of that heat.
We are planning to pull some of the carpet and linoleum up today. Instead of moving the four heavy pieces of furniture out to the garage we will put them in the cubby hole where the closet is in the bedroom. Then we will cover them with plastic when we fumigate the house. Still want to find an access to under the house so we can throw one of the foggers down there, hopefully getting rid of the bees.
We will do some bank shopping today also. That will be significant for our long term plans as we desire to get a loan to finance rebuilding the house and putting in the improvements such as the wind powered electricity generator and water pump.
I just checked my E mail and my heart jumped when I saw one from my youngest son, Adam. I almost cried. This is the first E mail I have gotten from him. I am so grateful that he did this. This is a result of my finally getting him to sit down and have dinner with me. Part of our distance from each other is my fault and it will probably take a while to heal all the hurt caused by my divorce from his mom. It is a good way to start the day.
It was a hot hot day. We went to the Stanton drug store for breakfast. This place has been a gathering place for decades. You ought to see it. It has the original soda fountain with all the equipment dating back to who knows when. After we had our breakfast we went to M&M disposal to request another pick up of the dumpster. M&M is just across the street. In fact just about everything we planned to do was in this block of Stanton. That would be just on the other side of the only traffic light in town. The lady at M&M of course remembers us and gave us a good rate on the extra pick-ups we needed. We talked for a while. She asked if we had children and I told her that I had raised two wonderful kids. She told us about how her oldest had just joined the army and was in an airborn unit. I told her that Bruce had just gotten back from Iraq. She told us how scared she was for her kid and hoped he would not go to Iraq. I didn’t tell her that I think the odds are he will go but said that it looked like things were settling down and because of the politics we could well pull out of there soon.
After we got done there we walked across the street to the bank. There we opened an account with the check Virginia cut for us. We then talked to the Vice President of the bank about getting a loan to refurbish the house with the farm as collateral. He told us that the bank didn’t do home improvement loans though they had been talking about offering that service. When all was said and done he told us what there interest rate was. It was 10 ½ percent. Not at all competitive. He was surprisingly honest with us and told us we could get a better deal in Midland. That is something I have a great respect for. Honesty is so rare that is a great treasure. I told him that. We feel much more comfortable doing business with that bank now. Unless a Midland bank just stomps on this we will probably work with them.As we were driving to Stanton I got a call. It was a guy named Chuck who Peggy had told we were looking for some help. I let him know when we expected to get to the farm and suggested we pay eight dollars an hour to see how he took it. It was fine with him. After the bank we stopped by the post office to see if we had any mail in the PO box we had just opened last week. There was none so we went to the farm. Chuck pulled up just as I was opening up the garage. He had brought his wife with him. That worked well for me. I had only expected Chuck but we could use all the help we could get.
Chuck is a talker. After a while I had to say “Let’s get to work” to get things going. And we worked. Chuck’s wife’s name is Lillian. She and Cherie hit it off well. They both are into sewing. Chuck and I have some common histories so that helps us relate. We talked about some of that during the day. They got here at noon. We got all the appliances out of the house while Cherie and Lillian moved some of the furniture into the cubby hole. They also began ripping up the carpet. The floors are wood and beautiful. They will only need a little care to bring that beauty out.
Chuck and I also ripped up some of the linoleum. Underneath where the stove in the back room was Chuck found a trap door leading underneath the house. Opening it up carefully, for fear the bees would swarm, I saw some PVC plumbing. There are some pretty tight quarters underneath and I am not sure there is room for my fat ass but at least we finally had access to the crawl space.
I wore out pretty quickly. Chuck has beaten his body up pretty badly like me. I was surprised at how much he could do. Really wasn’t able to keep up with him but that is why we hired them. After three hours we were all dragging ass. Lillian is a diabetic and between the hard work and nearly one hundred degree heat her blood sugar got bad. When she had to sit down we rushed to get her some of the Gaterade as Chuck went out to his truck to get something with sugar in it. I looked at her and said “We’re all tired so how about calling it a day”. No argument there. Though it had only been three hours we were all done in. I asked them to give us a call tomorrow so we can finish up. I paid them more than we had agreed on. They deserved it and we think they need the money so were happy to do so.
Cherie and I came home, showered, and went to a place called Jumboritto. It pretty much sucked so we won’t go back. Then we came to this hotel room where we have stayed, enjoying the air conditioner. She is going to sleep now and I won’t be far after her. It will be a day when I post this entry.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Went to church
7/8/06 SundayWe are planning to go to church at the Baptist church I attended back in 1975 just before I went to the Bible college I met Cherie at. Part of the motivation for this is to continue the process of getting us introduced to the community. Out here folks watch. One of the things a lady we met told us was that in Stanton everyone knows everyone else’s business. I also hope to find some kids to help us with the heavy work that Cherie and I are quite frankly unable to do. That is to move the four big pieces of furniture out so we can fumigate the place.
We have been unable to find an access point to the crawl space under the house. So much of this place has been pieced together and then pieced again. There are plugged metal water lines next to PVC pipe water lines for the washer and drier.
8:08 PM - We went to the Baptist church this morning. I wondered how things would be. Would anyone recognized me from thirty years ago when I attended here? Would I recognize anyone? As we went in there were some questioning looks but in retrospect that is because we are new and there is little new here in Stanton. Everyone seems to know everyone else which is to be expected in a town with only 3000 people in it.
Here Cherie was my memory. She pointed out Billie Pinkerton, who did Minnie Lee’s taxes and whom I had known thirty years ago. This is one of the strange parts of the memory loss. I won’t recognize someone’s face but I can remember some events involving them. An older lady came up who obviously knew both Cherie and I. Cherie whispered to me “That’s Peggy Creech, we met her at Minnie Lee’s funeral”. As we talked I remembered that she had given me pictures of Minnie Lee at the funeral. When Billy Pinkerton walked by I said “Hi Billie”. She only stopped to give me a perfunctory reply and after asking when we came to town said she had to get going. I hoped to talk to her after church but she disappeared.
After the service Peggy came by and introduced us to another older couple (If you guys are reading this don’t get upset about me describing you as “older” OK?) The guy went to school with my mother and shared some stories about her. I explained that I never really knew my mother so appreciated learning more of her. Peggy invited us to lunch at the old Dairy Queen, which is now Luchi’s Smokehouse.
As we walked in a woman seated near the door looked up and said “Hi! How are things going”. Cherie looked at me and said “This is the lady from Cap Rock Electric that we saw to get the electric turned on”. As I looked at her she smiled and said “That’s ok. You said you probably wouldn’t recognize me”. She asked how things were working out at the farm and we visited briefly and then had to find a table and order our food.
Now I know that later I will recognize people but only after I have seen them a few times. For now though Cherie is my memory and this morning is a good illustration of that. Without her I would have been a bit lost. We ordered brisket and it was impressively good, at least to me. We had a real good time with Peggy and the other two, who’s name escapes me now. Peggy insisted on paying for our meal which of course is greatly appreciated. We talked about lots of things and stayed long after most of the patrons had finished their meals and left.
About halfway through I started having a slow down. I am sure no one noticed though I had a hard time getting out to go to the bathroom as my right leg wasn’t working well as is often the case with a slow down. I didn’t say a whole lot after that so no one would notice I was slow.
After this we headed for the farm. I told Cherie that I didn’t think I would be up to working not only because of the slow down but I needed to use a bathroom again. Having the runs with only the little potty Minnie Lee had to use didn’t sound to appetizing so we came back here to the hotel room.
They have cable TV here like most hotels do. The movie “Fifty First Dates” was just on. The movie is about short term memory loss caused by a traumatic brain injury. I have seen it before and talked about it in my comment section with Byron, one of the regular readers. However when we watched it this afternoon it was all new to me. This is not unusual as I seldom remember movies till I have seen them several times. I knew Adam Sandler was in it but thought he was the one who had the short term memory loss. No, it was the woman he was falling in love with. Watching the movie again brought up many emotions as I related with the issues she was going through. I am no where as bad as she was portrayed and they showed folks at a medical center for brain injuries who were in real bad shape. Cherie looked at me and said “That could have been you. Your lucky you know”. Yeah I know. I am lucky and blessed.
I am fighting something off. Get hot and then cold. Probably a fever. Hope to be better tomorrow. That’s all for today folks.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Old Settler Days
Sharon from Toledo called. She’s one of those I help, a survivor of brain injury caused by being beat with a pipe by her ex. We moved her after she was attacked by a crackhead when she lived at the same apartments we moved Wayne from. She wanted to let us know how happy Wayne is with his new place. She said he is much more at ease and lighthearted. The Zeph Center is setting him up with a home health aid who will assist Wayne with things like laundry and getting groceries. This is a big big relief for us. Wayne was the person who was most dependant on me and my biggest concern because of our moving to Texas. I know that the permanent move may be a few months away but still wanted to tie up these loose ends.7/8/06 Saturday
This morning we are going to attend the “Old Settler’s Days” event at Stanton. This is an annual event that has been going on since at least the 50’s. At one time lots of people would dress up in period costumes from the 1800’s. I was told that they don’t do that as much as they used to. It has turned into a reunion event in addition to a town celebration that includes a parade, music, dancing, and food done Texas style.
Yesterday we met with Virginia for dinner at a nice restaurant that Cherie tells me we have eaten at several times. I don’t remember but that’s one of the things Cherie helps me with. We talked for a long time after we had all finished eating. Among the things she told us was that she had just gotten a phone call from my brother Larry.
He was evidently ranting and raving about my forcing him to pay the $3000 he had promised. Virginia said he was running things down to her like “you add this and subtract that” to prove that he didn’t owe me anything. He also said that I had taken the Peruvian “artifacts” (They are mostly things made to scam tourists).
Larry seems to have forgotten that I told him they were all boxed up and ready to be sent to him. Besides that, if they were real artifacts they are subject to seizure under federal law if they were brought into the country after 1966. I told him I wanted nothing to do with them.It just confused Virginia as he rattled off this practiced litany. The more she told the more I realized that this was the same story he is telling my father and family. No wonder dad won’t talk to me. I think I will have to deal with this by publishing his E-mails and my side of the story. The truth is always a good thing though rare with my brother. Virginia said he was cooking for a party while they talked and was drinking. Nothing unusual there. Virginia also told of Larry’s visits to uncle Delmer. He would drink lots of beer and then drank whole bottle of wine by himself telling Delmer he needed it to go to sleep. And he says he doesn’t have a drinking problem.
Here's a picture of Virginia with Minnie Lee. Virginia was the one who took the responsibility of caring for Minnie Lee before she died. We thanked Virginia again for her taking on the task of being the executor of the will. What a pain that was as she had to try and mediate between my brother and I. She told us how, because she is a notary public, Larry had tried to get her to notarize the titles to the two trucks he had taken from our mothers possessions when she died. Virginia refused because it is not only illegal but a felony that can result in going to prison. Evidently Larry found someone to do it.
Virginia released a thousand dollars from the estate bank account to us. This will help greatly as we have nearly exhausted our resources with this trip. Just the hotel room will run us $700 for the two weeks we will stay. I just renewed our room for another week. Jeff, a friend who owns the temporary service Cherie works through, sent an E mail. He has been following the blog as many now are (Our audience has grown with this trip to Texas). He asked about the school bus and had some suggestions for it’s use such as giving tours of the farm and killer bees along with cutting the top off and using it for a greenhouse.
Yesterday we stopped by the farm. It was a restful day as we stayed at the motel for a good part of it. I wanted to check on the bee’s that I had sprayed the day before. It didn’t seem to phase them. The dumpster was empty so we will fill it up again, perhaps after the Old Settler’s Days thing. 
Cherie and I watched our first sunset from the farm together. That was when we took these pictures of our back yard. It takes some imagination to see how it will look in the future. I’ve got a good imagination. After the sunset I wrapped myself in a blanket with my hat on and sprayed the bee nest from close up where hopefully it reached the hive somewhere under the house. These guys will be hard to get rid of. Time to get going.
-------------------------
3:00 - We are back at the hotel room. I guess we missed part of the Old Settler Days. They had a parade at 10:00 which included wagons for each class that had representatives there. This is when the high school reunions happen. When we got into town we drove around looking for where this event was happening. What we found was separate groups gathered at a variety of spots in the downtown area. There was one spot that offered food and had tables under a tent to sit at so that’s where we went. We sat next to two women, one was pretty old and the other in her fifties. As we talked the older lady began to remember Minnie Lee. She was in her nineties and took a while to recollect. The lady next to her was her daughter I think. They welcomed us to the community as everyone else has.
After we ate our hamburgers we went across the street to the Stanton Museum. It wasn’t big but neither is Stanton. As we looked through the displays that covered the early ranch pioneers and the first oil well drilled we ran across a series of displays of high school classes. After searching I found the senior year picture of my mom. Here it is. We went to the farm after this, intending to get back to work on the house. Pulling into the driveway we realized that we had forgotten to bring the cooler of Gaterade that we usually have. Out here in 96 degree heat fluids are a must so I pulled out and came back to the hotel. I am tired as I often am around 2:00 so we are just relaxing a bit. Cherie went online to check the news about the big hassle at her parents house. There is a news video on channel 13’s website that she pulled up. It is sad to see this but there may be some good that comes from it. Her parents now appear to understand they need to find another place to live where they can get some of the help they need. Hopefully this will help Nate wake up and understand he needs to be more responsible. Time to grow up. We’ll see how this plays out.
I think we will head back out to the farm now. I am curious to see what’s going on with the bees. If I am lucky they took off to find a new home but I doubt it’ll be that easy. I will stuff something in the hole they move in and out of tonight. They will probably find another way to get out and I hope it will not be into the house. There are a number of dead bees in the house so they got in somehow.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Still going strong.
7/7/06 FridayThe rest of yesterday.
11:35 – We are tired again. Gee, I wonder why. It is hard for us to stop working on the farm and for that matter to leave it. We had a lot of stuff to do and we did a lot of stuff. A good day overall. My hip was much less painful today and did not start acting up till towards the end of the day. That helps and I took it easy on the physical stuff so tomorrow should be better still. Now let me tell you about the rest of the day.
Coming back in to Stanton was an adventure of sorts. As we drove down Business highway 20 we came on to a road resurfacing crew. They do things different here in Texas. When temperatures commonly hit a hundred and freezes are light I suppose you can fix your roads differently. Regardless it was a mess. There was a truck spraying a liquid tar followed by a truck spreading gravel and then a variety of machines running behind them making a column a mile long. These folks were just booking down the road laying out road at maybe thirty miles per hour. The problem was this left only one lane with little room for getting around the guy coming your way. On top of that this fresh tar and gravel was flinging all over the place and almost seemed like driving on marbles.
Getting through that we made our way to Stanton. First order of business was to get the truck weighed. Finding the farm Co-op we located the scale. The truck came out at about 7,450 pounds. With that piece of paper we went to the courthouse to get registered and plates. The nice lady we talked to was delighted when we walked in. A real nice person. As the paperwork was being processed I went to the office next door. I had noticed on the Justice of the Peace (or something like that) sign that it also listed “Veterans services” so I wanted to see what that was about. The secretary, upon my inquiry, pointed at the open door of the judges office and said “Ask him”. I don’t know his name but he was a cordial man who appeared to be in his seventies thought it is hard to tell. West Texas sun and wind tends to age your skin.
It was nice to talk to a judge when I wasn’t in trouble. Quite a change from the last few years. We talked about what he did with Veteran’s services and it is pretty much the same as the Veterans commission in Toledo. Most of what he did was help veterans hook up with services. That I have already done for the most part. With that out of the way we just talked about general things. Of course this came after he learned I was related to Minnie Lee and the Bradshaw’s. He welcomed us to Stanton as just about everyone else has. I don’t know if it was the judge or the guy with the department of agriculture, but someone said it was nice to see someone moving into the county instead of moving out. That’s nothing new as the young ones get out of town as soon as they are old enough because lets face it, there’s not allot of excitement in this little town. For us that is the attraction, a more peaceful existence sounds great after the turmoil that is always to be found in Toledo. Of course we have a daunting task ahead of us.
Cherie and I drove out onto the farm yesterday to look around. Tuesday we had talked to the USDA fellow. When he came out and saw us he smiled and said “It’s good to see you again”. He didn’t look at all familiar but I played along like I have learned to do because I just don’t remember. Cherie let me know later that we had met him at Minnie Lee’s funeral.
He explained how the CRP program worked. Basically the state or federal government is renting our land at $39 an acre. We can’t farm it and aren’t even supposed to drive on it during this contract, which goes to 2008. We had paid for the inspection to extend that contract till 2011. If we want to pull some of that land out for our own use we have to pay the government back for the last ten or so years they rented it. However we can choose to not renew a portion of the land without paying that penalty. That would then be available for our use after 2008 when the first contract ends.
So we were looking and thinking about how much land we would like to pull out of the contract. At first we were thinking about ten acres. The USDA guy, who’s name escapes me as most do, had pulled up an aerial picture of our farm and was able to show us what ten acres would be. Now we were looking for the circular terrace that could be seen in the picture as it was on the edge of the ten acres. Ten acres is a lot of land and after seeing how much it was we quickly figured out that we don’t want that much to deal with. 
Maybe just three acres. Fact is it will take some time to get settled and secure on the farm so there is no hurry. I have dreams of growing crops like vegetables but that may not be possible. Perhaps just a big garden. Water is the key to everything here. Little will be able to grow without irrigation and some things can’t survive even with that. I guess there has been a drought for something like seven years.On the concept of an orchard he told me that citrus doesn’t do well out here. Pecans seem to be one of the trees that can survive out here. There is also peaches, pears, and to my surprise apples that can work out here. Cherie just told me that the USDA guy’s name is Nester Hernandez. He said that birds are a big problem with the fruit. More to think about.
I am fascinated by the plants and other life out in our field. You can see some of the pictures I took. This place must be beautiful in the spring when all this flowers.
The ants are huge out here. Nothing like seeing an ant highway where they have worn a path that goes for dozens of feet. Cherie is real nervous about walking out here because of her fear of rattlesnakes and scorpions. I tried to reassure her that snakes shy away from people and besides that will sound their rattle to warn you your getting close. Scorpions usually hide underneath rocks. No rocks out in our field because it has been farmed for generations. Around the house is a different matter. I had been taught years ago to always shake your boots before you put them on to dislodge any scorpions.
This is a baby bird that fell out of it's nestWe got the truck licensed and registered. This cost $190.00. Not cheap but I have Texas license plates. Texas is a state that thinks like it’s a country. I have never seen so much pride in a state. Here there is Texas stuff all over. When you go to Walmart they have a whole isle devoted to T shirts that say Texas things. One of the ladies we talked to at the courthouse was wearing a shirt that is the Texas flag. I can’t recall anyone in Ohio puffing out his chest and saying with pride “I’m from Ohio”. Just doesn’t happen. It is good to be proud of your state, at least I think so.
Hey! I’m a Texan. I was born here, but I was raised in a military family and grew up in Spain, England (Lakenheath, Byron), Florida, and Ohio, not getting back to Texas till I was twelve or so. Then I moved to Toledo, Ohio and spent the last twenty five years there. That is the longest I had stayed anywhere. Up till then I would be moving every two to three years. When I joked that I had been “Yankeefied” the lady I said that too literally shuddered. I used the word “Reckon” as in “I reckon that’ll work, Y’all” it brought a smile and I was told “See, your getting it back”. They have their own dialect here.
We went back and worked on the farm some more. Both of us are worn out and we took it real easy. At 7:30 or so we went back to the hotel and cleaned up. It doesn’t take long to get grubby cleaning the house. This morning Cherie is doing the laundry as we had no clean clothes. I wear a T shirt for an hour and it is soaking wet with my sweat, and I stink. We make sure there are plenty of fluids around. Got to get the well fixed. Right now we are using the portable potty that Minnie Lee had to go to the bathroom in. I put it out in the garage as it stinks. Putting a plastic garbage bag in the pot makes it easier to dump the waste. Fun Fun. Kind of feel like pioneers.
Cherie is holding up fairly well though she worries allot. There is so much uncertainty and work to be done that it can be overwhelming. For me it is not an issue. I have survived so much, like being homeless and wandering around lost that this doesn’t phase me. For Cherie it is a different story. I try my best to reassure her, telling her to look ahead, to visualize what we will create. This doesn’t always work and with the emotional pendulum caused by her going through her menopause it can be rough. Things have gotten a little crazy with her family in Toledo. I suppose it would be best to direct you to Nate's blog for you to read about that. They are now in a big beef with the city and have drawn the ire of Toledo’s mayor. Part of that includes an incident that was reported on all three of the local television news stations as well as the paper. Cherie is glad to be here, away from that turmoil.
Last night we drove out to the farm at sunset. The main reason was to spray the killer bee nest as they settle down at night. We also wanted to watch our first sunset from the farm but the clouds didn’t cooperate. The sky at night is amazing out here. There is little city light to dampen the glow of the stars so you can see everything, including the Milky Way. Can’t wait to see that again.
We called Virginia yesterday and will meet her for dinner in Big Spring today. For those of you who don’t know, Virginia is my cousin who was the executor of the will. That was not an easy task, especially with my brother and I not really talking. I have great respect for her taking that task on. I don’t think she knew what she was getting into when she volunteered to do this.
I don’t think we will go the farm and get all nasty today. There are other things we can do and besides all that we want to be fresh and not worn out when we meet Virginia. Besides we can use the rest. We have been pulling twelve hour days out there. I think farm life will be good for use from the health standpoint. I think I have already sweated off ten pounds.
I haven’t been keeping up with this journal very well but I have a good excuse. I am pretty tired by the end of the day. Enough of that. We are heading to Walmart to buy some basic things like maybe a few more T shirts we can trash at the farm. We have bought lots of things like a shop vac, ladder, wheelbarrow, scoop shovel, and a pitchfork for the tumbleweeds I cut down. See ya
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Off and running
7/5/06 WednesdayGood morning world! We are off and running and just stopped by the hotel to pick up some work clothes and our cooler full of Gaterade. This will be a busy day as the holiday is over so all the government stuff is open now. My leg is much better this morning. I hope it stays that way so I can get stuff done without the intense pain. The first thing we did was call Patrick Duffy (our lawyer). He said he would call up McGilvray and see about us accessing the eight or ten grand that is the remainder of the inheritance. Patrick was open and we talked about this part of Texas along with what our plans for the future were.
I had called from the parking lot of Denny’s where we had breakfast. When we finished talking Cherie and I headed for Stanton. The first stop was the courthouse. There we went to register the truck and get Texas plates. Things are sure different here. We showed the clerk our title and she asked “Where is your inspection document?”. “Ohio doesn’t do inspections” I explained. That doesn’t matter. She directed us to the Buick dealership that does the inspections. In the course of conversation we were asked who’s farm I had inherited. As soon as I mentioned Minnie Lee’s name recognition dawned. The other lady in the office said her husband had farmed the land for Minnie Lee years ago. They cordially welcomed us to Martin county.
When we told her we might rent a place while the farm house was being refurbished she gave us the names of the two main rental property holders. One of them was Jim McGilvray, who is the county attorney and who’s office was two doors down the hall. Great, we’ll go see him. No we won’t. He’s on vacation for the week. Nuts!. From there we went down the hall to visit with the county extension office. This is where we were told to go about the killer bee’s. There again Minnie Lee’s name brought instant recognition and identified who we were. Sonya, the lady in the office, had known Minnie Lee all of her life. She was as helpful as everyone else was and seemed delighted we were moving to the county. One of the things Cherie and I both noticed was that instead of “Welcome to Stanton” it was “Welcome to Martin County”. We just thought it to be curious. Sonya also was very helpful and looked up some phone numbers of bee exterminators and stuff. We talked about how life was much slower in Stanton and how we were looking forward to a peaceful atmosphere. I told Sonya about the blog and said she would be in it. Hi Sonya. Now that I think about it I wonder if my past will be too disturbing for this little town. Oh well, I was who I was and I am now who I am, a person who lives a life he can be proud of with no shame.
After that we went to the Buick dealership for the inspection. Texas is serious about this. Not only did the truck have to pass inspection but we also must take it in to get weighed. That is next on the agenda. We are heading back out now so see ya later.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Dare to Dream
7/4/06 TuesdayHappy independence day folks. Here in Midland there are to be no fireworks fired off anywhere. This is because it is so dry. They even had the governor of Texas declare a state of emergency and issue an order to that effect. I think the city will still have a professional fireworks display.
My pain level has been high ever since I sprayed the killer bee nest and ran like crazy. That pulled something that made lifting my leg to walk excruciating. It was just a little sore yesterday morning but didn’t take long to make itself known. I tried the footed cane that had belonged to Minnie Lee. That helped allot but I can’t do much carrying a cane. Today we will take it easy so this can heal some. It is hard to take things easy because we are so motivated to get things done.
We will have to wait till this holiday is over to get things like registering the truck done. At least we now have electricity. One of the first orders of the day will be to get a window fan or two to move the dusty air out of the house. This will be especially important when we start sweeping. Yesterday I opened the windows to get some air blowing through but it didn’t seem to work. Oh well, we kept going anyway. Then Cherie noticed that these windows had the storm glass in. Because the screens were still in place I didn’t notice. OK, I felt dumb.
This lone pecan tree is the last of the ten plus trees Rudy had planted at this part of the farm. How it survived when everything else died of thirst I don't know but we will replace the orchard and give this guy the care it needs to thrive. As we work we contemplate the things we would like to do with the place. Of course we dream big and may never fully reach our goals but we will stretch for them. My philosophy is that if you reach for the stars and don’t make it you will still go farther than you would have if you had never tried. So always reach for the stars.
This is the old grape arbor that will get rebuilt and replanted. We will do some shopping this morning. Get some basic things like the fans, a dust pan, and whatever else we can think of. I didn’t play with the bees yesterday. Figured that if I can’t run it would be a bit uncomfortable. I did pick up a dead bee so I can show it to the county extension office who is responsible for keeping tabs on killer bees. Maybe they will come eradicate these guys if they are truly the killer variety.
Still not sure what to do with the old bus. It was purchased to move my mother to Texas from Chicago. Still has some of her stuff in it. Someone smashed the glass in the back door to go in and loot it. I think we will start measuring the house so I can draw up an accurate blue print of the place. This will include every wall and even the pitch of the roof. From that we will draw up the renovations we would like to consider. That blue print will be part of the package we will present to the bank for financing. That package will also be useful when we look at government programs and incentives. Those programs include Federal and state incentives for farmers, disabled veterans (that’s me), energy incentives such as wind power electric generators, and whatever else we can find. There is much help out there but it must be searched out.
Well that’s the start for the day. We find ourselves sleeping in later than we were used to. In Toledo the alarm was set at 5:30 in the morning and we would often wake up before the alarm went off. Of course Carman kitty would wake us. When we get back I suppose there will be some adjusting to do. Last night I was wide awake despite being physically exhausted. Didn’t get the blog entry published till almost 2:00 in the morning.
Be back with more later.
-------------------------
We took it a little easier today. My pulled muscle or whatever it is was made every move painful. We left at five or so and decided to drive down FM 829 (The road our house is on) to see where it went. As we drove I explained to Cherie how the land is set up in what they call sections. 
That means that other than a few driveways and dirt roads it will be twenty five miles between intersections. We took some pictures of some rigs where they are drilling for oil. It is amazing how many abandoned buildings there are out here. Here’s a picture of one.We are tired and calling it a day now. Goodnight.
Monday, July 03, 2006
More of Monday
It is 11:38 PM now. Cherie and I are both tired and still excited. We worked till 9:00 and decided to reluctantly call it a day. Hit a Dairy Queen on the way home and didn’t fix the frozen dinner we had planned. Got lots done. After breakfast we were off to Stanton. 
The first thing we did was drive around to locate things like the courthouse. They were all closed. As we drove down the main street Cherie spied M&M disposal, the place we can get a dumpster from. The lady we talked to was real nice. We talked for a bit and she gave Cherie and I some direction regarding where to take appliances and who did well service in town. 
When she asked where to take the dumpster we told her the address. At first she didn’t place it till we told her it was Minnie Lee’s old place. “Oh, where the yellow bus is” she exclaimed. Now she knew. After that we went to Cap Rock energy to get our electricity turned on. It was another delightful conversation. Everyone knew or knew about Minnie Lee. This woman’s grandmother was a good friend and would mention her often. She said she would also hear about Minnie Lee at church when the pastor would tell of her condition so they could pray.
Then we got our mail box at the post office. Another step on the way to living here. From there we went to the farm. It was bust butt time for the rest of the day. Tons of dust and tons of crap. 
You can see how I opened this up. Better view and we get more of a breeze.====================
Cherie’s Notes:We had to find an ATM today to get some cash. That was a weird experience. Even though a sign said ATM when we finally found one – we had stopped in 2 different banks and they refer to ATM’s as “motor banks” must be a southern thing..I don’t know.
We really dug in today and started gutting the place – there was much to throw away, which is a shame as clothes that had been good at one time were thrown on the floor and had been walked over many times by people who’s sole quest seems to be getting the “good” stuff. Even the lady at Cap Rock energy said she had heard that Minnie Lee had a lot of unique things – they’re gone now. I did find a few things – linens mostly that I will clean up and use once we are settled here.
We did find some empty beer cans that were strategically placed in an effort to be “hidden” from main view. Everything hidden in the dark sooner or later comes back to the light and the truth is plain for all to see. 
I did manage to clean out a clothes closet and ended up with 4 extra large trash bags full of clothes. I want to find a Goodwill or someplace to take them. They’re a bit out of date, but are still nice clothes. 
I realize people are busy, but I wonder how relatives and visitors found time to clean out Minnie Lee’s things, but didn’t have time to take care of basic things around the house. Doing dishes and dusting once in a while instead of going through all her stuff looking for money or God knows what!
As you can see there is plenty of rot in this window. We will be inspecting the whole building to find any more.
It is soo peaceful out there in the country – I love it! It will be even better when we get things cleaned up and ready to move in. I’m already planning on how to redo the bedroom as we took out a temporary wall – it was just a piece of wall paneling and someone had nailed a perfectly good wardrobe (dresser) to it! We want to extend the bedroom out a ways, but if it doesn’t happen for a couple years, I am ready with plans to fix it up. Same goes for the living room and the front porch area, which is a real mess. We worked hard all day. 
We must be so happy about building a home together that we only had one meal today – a late breakfast at Denny’s. The restaurant selection in Midland leaves much to be desired. Yesterday was Sunday and all the places that would have been good closed up at 3:00 in the afternoon! Unbelievable. We finally landed at a buffet place, La Frontera. They had a Fajita plate, which was pretty good. It’s a fairly new place and was previously a Chinese restaurant and the décor was an interesting mix of Mexican sombreros and Chinese dragons.
We have mainly stayed in our little area, where there are only a few places to eat. All the hotels and auto dealers are in the same part of town. There are no restaurants open! We’ve eaten at Denny’s twice now. I guess I’ve been spoiled in Toledo with places like The Mango Tree, Navy Bistro – even Bob Evans. I wish they came this far west! The Denny’s is way understaffed and we actually met the night manager who took our order on a napkin. This morning we meet the day manager who seems to have her act together, just doesn’t have enough help. There was one server for the whole place and she was running so hard to get it all done, she was chasing herself! We are definitely the minority here. After working on the farm today, we stopped at a Dairy Queen for some ice cream, which turned out to be dinner. When we walked in, I wondered what they thought, “Oh look at these grungy gringos, and they’re from Ohio!”
We hear a lot of Spanish, which I don’t understand. Sometimes even the accents are difficult and we have to ask “what”? or “excuse me”? “What” seems to work better.
It is a very different way of life here with a whole different attitude and a more casual mindset.
Day three
7/3/06 MondayThe pain in my right hip is still there but not as bad as yesterday. Many of my physical problems will be making themselves known as I begin to work this body that has not been active since I woke from the coma. It is now that I regret not following up on working out at the YMCA after we got the scholarship. I’ll be getting into shape now. Farm life should be good for me if the pain can be kept at a manageable level. The hip thing showed up when I was running after spraying the bee’s nest. I moved faster than I usually do but I was motivated.
On our first day at the farm a pickup truck pulled into the driveway. A big big guy got out of the truck and asked “Do you know who owns this property?”. “I do” was my proud response. It felt good to be able to say that. The guy told me his name was Larry. For some reason that put my guard out. He was interested in purchasing the land. When I told him I didn’t know a thing about farming and had much to learn. It seems he was a new farmer though I am not sure. Larry said he was fencing in his fifty six acres to raise cattle. As he said this a vision came to my mind. When I said this guy was big I mean in a champion body builder sense with the addition of a few pounds that were not muscle. I could just picture in my mind this guy getting upset at a cow that got out of the fence and picking it up and throwing it over the fence. He offered his help in any way I needed, a very generous gesture, saying that is what neighbors do. We will need to get used to this culture where folks are friendly and willing to help a stranger. Sure there is that in Toledo but it is harder to find. Here a guy, heading to the movies with his family, sees us as he drove by and turned around to come back and check us out. At first Larry was kind of checking us out to make sure we belonged. Throughout the day we observed many pickups slowing down as they passed to see who this was on Minnie Lee’s farm. That’s good to know and adds to our sense of security.
As you can see I am mowing my lawn. Got to do it the old fashioned way. Gee, I got all of twenty square feet done and only a thousand more to go.
There is no question we will need to purchase a tractor or something with some kind of bushwacker attachment. Beats me what’s out there. In Toledo I saw a few small old Farmall tractors with attachments. I suspect I will find my best deals in the areas surrounding Toledo as the Midwest is Farm country from way back. Out here in Texas there doesn’t seem to be much that is small. The farms often cover large expanses of land. You know what they say, “Everything’s big in Texas”.
I would like to find a way to mulch all this. These are tumbleweeds by the way. Some will grow to be four foot balls that will break loose as they reach maturity and go rolling across the prairies, blown by winds that sometimes reach speeds of fifty miles per hour. 
How’s this for a mowed lawn. Do you think maybe it needs watering to get the grass to grow? Oh, there’s no grass. Lots of work to do.
BeforeWe are piling the garbage from the house out here on the porch or veranda (Whatever you call it). This is just from the living room.
AfterWe have lots to try and do today. With it being the fourth of July weekend I am sure many places will be closed. We would like to get the electric turned on and get the pump working. It would be nice to be able to use a bathroom. That isn’t a problem with me being a guy as I have little inhibitions. However that doesn’t work for Cherie. She hung on like a trooper but eventually we had to travel the twenty or so miles to the hotel to get her some relief.
I had a rough slow down at Walmart on Saturday. Cherie had to lead me out of the store. She was frazzled and also needed to get out. We needed to make a list of what we needed. Without a list I got pretty confused.
There is much life to be found out here. I disturbed this Horney Toad while chopping the tumble weeds. Cute isn't he? Click on the picture to see it a little better.
Here is our bunny rabbit. (he's right in the middle of the picture) Cherie loves this guy and talked to it. You know, the "Oh, your so cute" stuff.
I think the tortoise ran out of water.
Time to get moving. Going to Denny’s for breakfast and then we start on the list for today.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
The FARM!!!
7:01 PM (Toledo time, it is 6:01 Texas time) – We’re here!!! Just got checked into the hotel. Not the Taj Mahall but it will work. They will have to turn the gas on tomorrow so we can use the stove. I am not real comfortable with having room service come in while we are gone because we are traveling with about $3500 worth of stuff. We basically brought our office with two laptops, scanner, printer, and other whatnot.
We stopped by the farm on the way in. It is really overgrown and you can tell they have had some rain out here. I took some pictures but we didn’t go inside yet as we wanted to get checked in. We will head out there in a little while.
7/2/06 SundaySo much is going on I have not written. Right now it is 5:31 and we just came back to the hotel room because Cherie lost a contact. It was time to take a break anyway. We have been shoveling out rooms. Had to get dust masks. There is a nest of bees under the house. I sprayed the hole they go in and out of but had to run. These might be killer bees. They are aggressive and territorial.
I’m just going to post a bunch of pictures. I’ll fill in comments on them as I find the time and energy. Some are of our journey here and then the farm as we arrived. Then there are a couple of us at work. 
I can’t describe to you the emotions involved as we look and imagine together about “Home”. Home, that mystic place where you know you belong, where you are secure. This is it, this is where we build the rest of our life together and make up for the twenty lost years.
Cherie and I drove out to the well, which is at the far corner of the property, and looked back. “All that is ours” Cherie said.
This is a wonder. I have so many roots here and so many memories that are being unlocked now. Here is where I wrote my name in the concrete when I helped Rudy, my grandfather, build the place. I learn by the date that that was in 1972. I find the pick axe I used back then and so many other things.
I think we will run and find a place to eat now. After that we will head back to the farm till it starts to get dark.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
