Can't turn it off

2/19/07 Monday
It is 4:50 in the morning. I got up at midnight with my stomach still doing it’s acid upset thing. It was another night where I couldn’t turn my mind off. I was thinking about all the things we should do before we left for Ohio, or at least trying to figure out what we should do. Then of course there were a succession of other thoughts that rose up and clamored for attention. I wondered about my cousin Darryl and the other relatives I have but don’t know or see. I pondered farming, building techniques for the greenhouses, entertainment venues to attract and retain customers to the “Pick your own” farm that as yet only exists in my mind, food processing facilities to make, can, and package products from this imaginary place, and on and on. “Enough” I told myself and got out of bed.

I worked on getting the picture of the Celtic Heart modified for the business cards I want to print up with the blog address on them. This has been part of an ongoing fight as I struggled to find the program I knew existed in this laptop to modify photographs. I knew it existed because I had used it before. This is the same old story when it comes to stuff like this. If I don’t do something repetitively it will vanish from my short term memory and I pretty much have to start over fresh and learn again what I have learned before. I have been looking for days for this program. I found it not to long ago in Microsoft Works but couldn’t find it the day before yesterday. I located it again last night and learned again how to work it. Played with that picture till 3:30 this morning discovering better ways to accomplish my task as I explored and made mistakes. Making mistakes is a great way to learn for me as it helps things stay in my mind.

Cherie got up to use the bathroom at three or so and discovered me playing away on this laptop. I showed her what I was doing with the picture and promised her I’d come to bed. I did a half hour later so got an hours worth of nap time. Now I am up again. Made a pot of “bob” coffee because now I am tired and nodding off again. Go figure, I can’t sleep because of all that is on my mind but I’m having a hard time staying awake. I just went and got another cup of coffee, which probably isn’t too smart as my stomach is still “urpee”. That probably contributes to my inability to sleep. I took another Tums.

I think I will go online and post this, then I’ll go back to working on that card. I’ll may or may not have to familiarize myself again with this software.

Never did get back to working on the card. I can’t remember what I did. I might of gone back to bed for an hour or stayed up working on this laptop, can’t really say but I know that I turned the news on at 6:30. I’ll have to finish this later. Been splitting wood that Kevin dropped off since 8:00. It is 12:00 now and I’ve finally got done. Have a migraine heading up and all kinds of back pain from splitting the wood. Going to take a nap now.

That refreshed me, just an hour and a half long restless nap. Now to fill in the rest of the day. With me turning on the morning news Cherie woke up. She fixed me some scrambled eggs with sausage. We need to use up the sausage before we leave for Ohio. I decided to get a picture of the sunrise as I usually catch the sunsets. Then I came in the house and discussed with Cherie what each of us would do. Scheduling our day is something I am pushing to do every day. It helps Cherie get things done for without one she is as bad as I am.

During this I looked out the office door. There was a big black gooseneck trailer parked in the front alongside the driveway. “What” ?!? Then it dawned on me. I had just been telling Cherie that Kevin would come by today or the next two, to bring us the firewood he was going to be cutting at his father’s place. Some how he had drove in, unhooked the trailer, opened the back door and left without us hearing a thing. He may have knocked on the front door but we don’t use it and wouldn’t have heard unless he pounded. I figure he had to get to his job so didn’t have time to talk. Regardless I had a load of wood to split and stack. It’s green wood for the most part so splitting is vital as it will speed up the drying process. Amy just sent me an E mail warning of the danger of creosote buildup and the risk of a chimney fire that comes with that.

Well that blew the scheduled list of “To do’s” to pieces. Getting the wood unloaded was now top priority. The rest of the stuff I can get to later. (It’s later now so I better finish this and get moving) It only took me three minutes to figure out this was going to be painful so I came in and took one of the pain pills the doctor had just prescribed. I have been afraid of them and refused to accept prescriptions of narcotic pain medication. Now I am grateful for them as they reduce the pain I live with daily that is greatly increased with certain types of physical activity. My fear was based on the addiction to Oxycontin I suffered from after they were prescribed when I broke two of my ribs. This was during the nasty two year long divorce from the second wife and led to my heroin addiction. Now I think I have enough fear and common sense to not go down that path again.

I’ve been toughing out serious chronic pain ever since I woke from the coma but now that I am on this farm I have become much more active so the pain level is dramatically higher. I still hurt but only take these when it gets bad, like today. They don’t magically remove the pain just make it more bearable. It’s a shame that marijuana or the cannabanoids they now extract from it are illegal for one of the areas they have proven very effective is with pain that comes from neurological damage. That is one of the reasons twelve states have now bucked the federal government and made it legal. When I was researching Autism and Asberger’s syndrome a week or so ago I ran into repeated references to that. That is because Asberger’s is sometimes a result of childhood brain trauma. Kinda surprised me to see this in scientific medical reference material. One of them stated that cannabis was commonly prescribed by doctors up until the 1940’s when the government, influenced by the big drug companies, started pushing to make it illegal.

The wind is howling through the power lines outside causing a noise that sounds just like that you hear on the old movies. There is that constant moaning coupled with various whistles and bumps and bangs of what these twenty five to thirty mile per hour winds decide to pick up. I went out to check on things a few minutes ago and the sand is whipping into my eyes. Not comfortable at all. Makes me want to look into getting some goggles for the times I must work out in this, like in a few minutes after I post this. Time to get motivated. Cherie went into town to get a few essentials and I am just waking up.

I busted my ass getting the wood all split and stacked. Loved working hard but not the pain. I need to get one of those back support belts. Bending over to pick up the pieces of wood was much harder than hefting the splitting maul. I used the maul like a cane to help me with that. Makes me feel like an old man. After I took the nap I took Cherie’s metal cabinet to the garage where I painted the inside. I also touched up the paint on the trailer. Other than that I can’t think of anything else I did other than have a migraine and hurt. Skittles hasn’t shown himself all day. It has Cherie worried that something happened to him. We’ll see. I am tired so that’s it for today.