Growling in my sleep

2/3/07 Saturday
It’s 2:52 in the morning. I haven’t really been to sleep yet, listening to the snap of logs on the fire in the woodstove. It is warm, so warm Cherie had to take her socks off again and also the blankets. I got up and put another log on the fire, then quietly fired up this laptop so as not to wake Cherie. Then I pulled up the timeline I’ve been working on and added a few paragraphs. With that I am getting sleepy so will try again to crash.

7:39 – I’ve got to start being real protective of this back. It’s the only one I got. This will be the third day of pain at this level. I really don’t have time for this and have too much to do to let it stop me though it will slow me down. I’ve become noisy when I move. Don’t know why but a good groan seems to help when I do something like get up from the bed. Maybe if I let out a blood curdling scream all the pain will go away for that second. Hmmm? Should I try it??? Nah, that would scare the s—t out of Cherie and she takes on enough to worry about. It does seem to help though and I wonder why. When I woke from the coma I would hear myself making a groaning, almost growling sound, often not being aware I was doing it. This persisted for the next two or three years. I remember one instance when I was being interviewed by some lady at one of the many social agencies that didn’t know what to do with me. She looked up from the paperwork she was filling out and asked “Are you growling at me?”. With that I started working at being more aware of these sounds I was emanating. I still catch myself doing it on occasion but not much at all.

At this moment I am running at a seven on the bob scale, what I call average for me. Today we plan on attending the West Texas Writers gathering which begins at 2:00. The founders of Author’s Publishing House will be speaking. I think this will be an important step toward my goal of eventually writing and publishing some books. I hope this brain is cognitive and stays so during the meeting. Cherie will be going with me and that is always a good thing when I’m venturing into unfamiliar territory. She’ll help guide me through confusion and just having her familiar presence gives me something to focus on, thus helping me not be overwhelmed by sensory input.

It froze again last night. No big deal because we have the woodstove. I didn’t sleep much so may try to nap so I will be fresher for this writers thing. Think I’ll post this, check E mail, and take the garbage out. Then perhaps I’ll rest.

It’s been an interesting day. At the moment it is a struggle to recall it all but it’ll come as I work through the details I do remember. I know that we decided to leave early so we could stop by the Habitat for Humanity’s store and see what they had. Actually Cherie remembered seeing a fireplace tool set there. Lowes was sold out of them the other day. That was it. That’s why we went there. They had about four sets and one of them was pretty nice so it was priced over twice as much as the others. $25.00. I also found some fluorescent light fixtures and could use them in the garage. Jesse, the guy we deal with there, said they were five bucks apiece. Not bad. Someone brought in a bunch of table tops he had picked up somewhere. They were solid wood and nice. I got to talking with the guy and he’s quite interesting. It seems he makes a ton of cash working in the oil fields and him and his buddy go to sales and buy all kinds of stuff. They then donate it where ever they can find. He looked at me and, thumping his hand on his heart says “It makes me feel good here, ya know”. Cool, I like to see this kind of spirit.

There is a greater reward in giving than anything else I know of. Like my plaque says “Money and things can vanish in a flash. What has real lasting value is the lives we touch”. One of the few things I miss about Toledo is the people we helped. You ought to go check out the early entries of this blog to see about them. Jacob said I was inspirational so perhaps I can inspire some of you to help someone else. You got to be wise about that though. Just handing someone money can often make things worse. It’s a greater sacrifice to give time and time is more valuable than money.

OK, I’m getting off track so I’ll have to go back and read to see what I was talking about. I’m running at a five right now so have to work at staying on task. There you go, Jesse gave us a hell of a deal on the stuff we bought. I’ll call him Tuesday to see how much the need for the table tops. I can use them to build stuff for this house.

I’m back, faded off there for a few minutes. Things were getting close so we hurried out of there to get to the West Texas Writers club before they started. It was in a Presbyterian church near downtown. This place was huge with a gym so I suppose that means they have a school too. Anyway we found the room where the meeting was. There were maybe fifteen people there. We were the youngest ones in the room. Sat down next to probably the oldest guy in the room.

Debbie started the meeting with your standard parliamentary format. The secretary read the minutes of the last gathering and all that kind of thing, then they got down to brass tacks. After having visitors, like us, tell of how and why we got there they introduced their guest speaker. It was a gentleman that founded a publishing company who’s name escapes me at the moment. He went into all kinds of detail about how they get books out to market. It was a fascinating review and just what we hoped to hear, a down to earth synopsis of how things work when it comes to getting a book published. Of course writing it is the most important step and one I’m not moving to fast on right now but expect that to change.

We talked to Debbie afterwards. I told her the story of how Cherie and I found each other but got to where I was starting to cry so looked at Cherie and said “You tell her the rest”. I can’t seem to help that, it happens every time I tell about it. I suppose the emotional control issue from the brain injury is a big part of that but it’s still kinda embarrassing.

We went and ate some Thai food after the meeting and came home. I sharpened up the chain saw and cut some more wood. Then I split it with the splitting maul I bought. Know I’m gonna feel that tomorrow, actually feel it now. I know it hurts but in the long run will be good for me. By getting into better shape I will prolong my active years.

If I was speedier I would write more but not really up to it. This took me three hours. Night all.