Dawn of a new day

2/5/07 Monday
It’s a new day. A bright cloudless sunrise is the start and a good one for me. I’m running at a 7 on the bob scale, which is a good start. What I like better is there is none of the pain in the lower back I had a few days ago. That is despite doing physical labor for the last two days cutting wood. What’s strange is that standing at a counter doing something like washing dishes creates allot of pain that stays for a while but bending over picking up chunks of wood isn’t nearly as bad. Hell, sitting in a chair for a period of time like ten twenty minutes is rough and so can just standing. If I’m moving around it’s much better. You’d think it would be the other way around. When I work on this computer I mostly lay down with it on my raised legs because then I don’t have to take breaks to get up and walk around to ease the pain. I can’t complain as it keeps me moving.

So what to do today? I need to do something about the antenna. The rabbit ears on the TV are shot and I wasn’t able to get channel seven, the only major network station we can get in other than Fox. I don’t miss much on the TV other than the news. That I like to watch. I don’t think I will cut anymore wood as we have a bit stacked up and the weather is going to be great for a few days at least, predicted to hit 70 or so by Thursday. I still have to split some of what I cut yesterday.

They are having a men’s conference thing at the Christian campgrounds today, starting at 5:30. I think I will go to it. Why? Why would I go if I have a problem with wondering if there is a God? Because I am seeking. I want there to be a God and if I become convinced there is one watch out cause here I’m coming. The instance I become convinced all else pales. Nothing will have value unless it exemplifies and honors God. Till then I will follow my creed of living a life I can be proud of, of being a positive influence on the world around me.

Self sacrifice for the good of others is something I have practiced ever since I woke up. From what I’ve been told I was like that before the accident. Don’t do it for “Kudo’s” (recognition for y’all unfamiliar with the slang”. I do it because when I see a need that I can help I can’t walk away. To me that would be a deplorable thing. This is a principle tenet of the Christian faith but we saw quite the opposite in Toledo. Lots of “If your not at our level, if you are needy, we don’t want you in our sight. You make us uncomfortable”. I suppose that is a big factor in my becoming jaded. Here I was in what was for me, because of the memory loss, a new world.

I would stagger to the chapel at the hospital after they taught me how to walk and would allow me to do so without someone on my arm. When I got to St Louis I found a church as soon as I could get around. Arriving in Toledo I called the church I helped found but got no answer. When Cherie and I first got back together we started going to Cedar Creek but that was after we had been cold shouldered by yet another church. At Cedar Creek I thought I was home and threw myself into it, wanting to be involved and a contributing member. I have dozens of bible studies and papers I wrote still in the memory of this computer from those times. Their rejection, their backbiting tore our hearts out. We went to another church but this time stayed at a distance, kept a wall up for self protection.

Don’t get me wrong, there were several good people we met but…Well I’ve dwelled on this quite enough. Time to move on. I guess I got into this in an attempt to explain to the readers of this blog who are believers, especially to the few in Stanton. I think I am afraid of further rejections, of the judgmentalism that spreads like a cancer among those of a community. I do have to say that the First Baptist church here in Stanton has been exemplary and shown none of the sad things we’ve experienced up north. That gives me hope. I’m not a bad person, just one with many questions. Just for the record my wife does not have these doubts and has a firm belief in the existence of God so don’t judge her. Do that and you’ll piss me off and I’ll guarantee you don’t want to do that.

So that’s the plan for the day. We are thinking of leaving for Toledo on the 21st of this month. That’s a Wednesday and we figure traffic will be lighter during the week. Have some details to arrange like getting Carman in a kennel and perhaps finding someone who will stop by and check on the place once or twice. I’ll double check the trailer and have to seal up the floor I put in because the deck boards I put in shrunk so much.

We just got back from Midland. I was looking for a hand jointing plane. We went to Lowes and Home Depot and neither of them had a hand plane of any type. Cherie looked at carpet runners but wasn’t happy with what she saw. I did buy some wire for the garage. Am incredibly tired. Had to sit down while Cherie looked at the carpet stuff cause my leg was getting weak.

Just before I left I took one of the pieces of wood from the mystery tree and ran it through my planer. I did this cause I am real curious about it. I don’t know what it is but it is very close grained. Put a coat of Tung Oil on it and man is this stuff beautiful. I’m sorry I burned it but there is plenty left. I’ve got plans for it now but they will require tools I don’t have yet. Any of Y'all got an idea what kind of wood this might be?

The men’s thing at the camp grounds will be interesting because this will be another of those places I was involved with in the past. Just like the church was when I returned, most of it has vanished from my memory. Sometimes memories rush in when I return to a location and sometimes they don’t so it will be interesting to see. At the church there wasn’t a rush of memory recall and I had to learn how to get around as if I had never been there before. I’ll let you know how it goes at the camp.

I drove down the road I knew the camp was on keeping an eye out for the camp and saw it about a mile away. When I drove up I looked for anything that was familiar. There was nothing at all. I parked where there were lots of other vehicles figuring that was where the men’s rally was happening. Just as I turned the truck off my phone rang. It was pastor Dave. After inquiring about how my day was and how I felt he said he wanted to invite me to the men’s rally. I laughed as I told him I was in the parking lot right then. It was kinda neat. He said he wanted to pay for my meal and because he was running late to tell the lady collecting money his name cause they know him.

After asking Dave where I was to go I found my way to the cafeteria. I got my plate and not recognizing any one picked an empty table. Soon a gentleman and two younger guys who appeared to be his sons sat next to me. He asked me if things were working out as if he knew me. I said they were doing well and asked if he went to First Baptist. He said he did and then mentioned something about seeing me in Sunday school. Now he doesn’t look familiar at all so I had to ask if it was Steve’s class or Kevin’s. It was Kevin’s class. I hope he wasn’t put off by me not recognizing him. I may not recognize him next Sunday either as while I can remember the event I can’t recall the visual part of it nor faces. That’s a different part of the brain. While I remember doing things at this camp twenty five years ago I can’t remember what anything looked like. It was all new to me.

We talked allot during the meal about farming, raising goats, antique tractors, and I conveyed some of the lessons I learned from the wreck. When things were breaking up the oldest son, who’s name I think is Joshua, thanked me and said he enjoyed talking with me. Made me feel good.

Pastor Dave came in during this and greeted me. Of course he is responsible for getting things like the speaker orchestrated so he wasn’t able to talk long. I went on to the auditorium for the rally. Folks were just kind of drifting in slowly and I didn’t want to sit down early cause I know it would get uncomfortable after a while so I went outside. This way I could keep walking around which keeps the pain away. I also wanted to look around and see if any memories came back. I remembered there was a big swimming pool out back so I walked around the building to see. I saw where the pool was but it wasn’t familiar at all and seemed much smaller than I thought.

Things were coming together so I went inside and found a seat. After I did I saw people from First Baptist sitting across the room but it was too late to go over cause things were starting. The big thing in this rally that has been going on for twenty years is the men’s choir which is made up from all the Baptist churches. I’m not totally clear on it but I think they were mostly the music ministers. Regardless they were good, a talented bunch of guys.

There were some things said regarding the needs of the camp and other stuff, then Dave introduced the speaker. His message was on faithfulness and basically hanging in there no matter how hard things got. I thanked Dave after things were over and made my way home. Just before I had headed out to the rally I was slowing down but was fine for the whole thing. Now I’m tired so that’s it for the night.