The wind out of my sails

3/20/09 Friday
The wind has been taken from my sails. Prior to losing Ginger I had been experiencing a renewed enthusiasm and had become more optimistic about our future. It’s been a while since I’d felt that way as the frustration of my limitations made it hard to be positive. Back in the early parts of my journal, much of which was before I started this blog, I talked of my fears that every time something good would happen something bad would follow. That made it hard to embrace the good things. Just as it seems there is an unseen hand putting things together it seems there is another trying to squash everything good.

There was a beautiful sunrise this morning. I hope it indicates a good day is forthcoming. Last night I would hear Ben bark. It wasn’t the bark that indicated coyotes nearby or other trouble, it would be a single woof as he called for his Ginger, and then I’d hear him and Gretchen searching around the house. This morning I saw him listlessly carrying a stick him and Ginger would play with and when he saw me he let it fall and came for comfort. I didn’t cry yesterday but holding back tears is hard now. Cherie’s face was drawn and I could see it’s hitting her hard as well. Cherie said “no more puppies” and I must agree. We lost our kittens to the highway and Ben so decided then not to get any more. Life out here in the country can be dangerous for pets, especially when you live right on a busy highway.

Today I’ll start picking up the evidences of Ginger, the many old leather gloves she loved to play with that are scattered all over. We used to play tug a war with them. It was her favorite game. God I miss her. Then it’s back to building this farm, little by little, step by step. It’s hard to type with tears in my eyes so I’ll quit now.
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The day is done. I stayed busy. Got some buffalo grass planted and marked out two garden plots. Other than that I don’t know what else got done around here. Went to Janie’s and poop scooped and then went to Ginell’s and cleaned up some of her back yard. She came home while I was doing it and was surprised. I’m just glad to help someone. Met Cherie for dinner at the Thai place we like and came home. Not real motivated so I just crawled into bed. Turned the tv off cause there’s nothing on and I don’t feel like watching it. Not doing real good. Hope tomorrow is better