Friday, May 21, 2010

I will succeed.

Hi folks, I'm doing better. These bouts with depression happen all the time, especially when I am slapped in the face by my failure to achieve basic goals. It's hard sometimes. I am struggling to find words to use here, words that don't seem vindictive or whiny but express the truth. So I just won't. My words have been taken the wrong way and honesty doesn't seem to be appreciated so I'll just say that this is a new day and I will get out and struggle to move forward despite the difficulties. There are some who express delight in my failure and they spur me to succeed in my defiance.

Today I must disc under all the plowing I did yesterday. There is a lot of sticker grass that has come up in between the rows. I thought all night on it and decided that it would be easier to disc it all in and start over rather than spend days with a hoe going after the weeds by hand. It's so nice to have a tractor that works. Eventually I'll be able to add to the implements I can use with it but for now the disc and two blade plow I made by putting together two blades I'd gotten separately do a lot of work. They don't match but they do the job.

The laptop is in the hands of a friend, who said he can fix it. I like the Picassa program on it because it lets me reduce the quality of pictures I post online and thus they take up less space and load much faster. Right now all we have is the Mac and I don't know what it's capable of and can't see a way to reduce the pixels.

Here's a picture of our lawn on the south side of the house. It's the only spot that came up out of the ones I had sowed. Must have been a timing thing. It took several days over the course of weeks for me to sow the seeds. My guess is that much of the rest washed and blew away and rain came just right for this spot. I'm afraid to water the areas I've resowed but will do a small spot to see if that helps or hurts.

Gotta keep my head up and work on a positive attitude. It's not easy when you are alone all day. I miss having Alan here every day. He was great help and good company. The other guy helped out well too, but we can't afford that now. I will succeed, despite the difficulties. God is with me because the bible says He is. It says "If God is for us, who can be against us?"


Loretta said...

I can not understand how anyone would express delight in your failure! There is something seriously wrong with someone that would do that. I believe you are a very hard working man, doing the very best that he can. Many men would give up under the stress you live with. God bless you!

Bob said...

Thanks, every word of encouragement goes far. The bible describes those who delight in, and seek, the downfall of others. Speaks of this quite often. Some were the Pharisees and religious leaders of the time. The more things change the more they stay the same.