Connection???

9/2/07 Sunday
We made it to church on time this morning. Always a nice thing to do. The sermon was on the parable of the sower and the seed where the seed fell on different kinds of ground. As the pastor taught I recalled the pictures of the winter wheat we had planted and the task of looking for and harvesting it. I had planned on posting it on the Balaam’s ass blog with a lesson on this parable, but like many things this never happened. In fact I have yet to post one thing on that blog despite getting it started up.

Wally is back from San Antonio. He asked if we would like to go out for lunch after church stating that he craved adult company after watching six year olds for however long it was. Jen will make it back sometime next week.

They started on Mathew at Sunday school and as the teacher taught I again longed to teach as well. But I’ve rolled this through my head for a while now and realize it just wouldn’t be appropriate. Another illustration helping me understand how unfit I am to do so was the conversation I had with Paul at the barbeque. I tell him I’d like to teach and then that when I woke up from the coma I no longer had the conviction that God exists. I’m sure that scared him. These lacks of connection are disturbing for me. At the time I didn’t understand how ludicrous that must have sounded. “Hey, I want to teach about the God I’m not sure is there”. What church in their right mind would approve that. Ok, there are a few but certainly not this one.

There’s a guy in our class that is involved in the prison ministry. He asked if I would like to participate. At first I wanted to like I want to do everything but as we talked I was able to think that through. First of all there are the multiple felonies on my record but beyond that is the fact that I can’t rely on this brain to operate. When there is stress and new surroundings it goes into overload and freezes up, sometimes leaving me pretty much non functional. I explained that and Dave seemed to understand.

Wally took us to Outback Steakhouse. I discussed this issue of teaching with him and as always his advice was sage. My pain level was pretty high this morning. You can tell because I don’t do the stand up, sit down, and stand up again during the church service. It just hurts too much. I sit there and wonder what folks behind me think as I keep my butt planted while everyone else is participating. While at the restaurant one of the headaches started rising up but I think I played through ok. It’s here full force now.

We talked of other things like the garden. Wally said he would be interested in doing something with me on that next season but I’m not sure what he has in mind. We came straight home after that instead of doing some shopping because I’m not feeling great.

Cherie has gone shopping. I’m laying down and not very motivated. Probably should take a nap.